freitag,den.juli.18.2K3
lryics again + 4:08
well i've had some inspiration to write up some stuff lately so i wrote 2 new things. one of them i can't put on here though. so i'll put the newer one.

crayon dreams

Once high skool was done I set out to be on my own
My plans were all set on the kid games from mc donalds
Scribbles of crayon to help me decide my destiny
Little did I know that I’d end up stuck at home on my way
To nothing but animosity

Pass by the kids that I grew up with in the malls in every store
It seems everyone has something to occupy their time
Makes me wish I could waste my time too
when all I really wanted to do was get me off the couch
and waste my time with you

the ones that I used to know still seem to recognize me
now that I’ve changed so much it’s just hard to see
how they remember when I can’t tell them their names
off the tag on their shirt when they’re workin at the local dq
how on earth am I supposed to get somewhere now?

stuck home no way to get out I can’t seem to find my way
out of this place that’s eating my alive so slow the pain
only numbs me before the flesh tears away
what I really need is the one to come and take me away
I would be gone so fast you can’t trace me in air

donnerstag,den.juli.17.2K3
it is my intention to sit down and play video games for several hours + 8:29pm
jeebus, it seems that i've missed a few days here and there. though not too much really did go on if i remember right. we tried to go to Warped Tour on Saturday and well it was sold out. probably because it was only 1 day in SF instead of it's usual 2. so it sold out quicker i'm guessing. got to see Joey and some chick i think he's smitten with, i forget. but it seemed so. i mean why else bring her along? then on Sunday i washed Tom's car, Nathaniel took me to the Birdhouse and we played video games all day. Sean had to go to work on Mon. so i just stayed at the Birdhouse and hoped i'd be around when Tom got there like Monday arvo. with the awesome timing i have Tom and Caleb got there just when i got to my house so i could take a shower. what kinda shit timing is that!? but we got there and Jeremy, Tom, and Caleb were all smoking outside so i didn't really miss too much. but i did miss those guys a lot. so i got my hugs in and just hung out at the Birdhouse for like 3 or 4 full days in a row. a lot went on that only few know about. went to Kit Kat Club for Anthony's bday and saw 2 hot chix. Siren was my fave, though Aloha had awesome musik. she totally played Deftones and NIN. it was awesome. heard some other good tunes. had pussys i hadn't seen right in my face. neet stuff. Tom kept putting money in front of me so that'd happen haha. i'm glad i got myself out of a lapdance though. just something i don't really need. besides that we didn't do too much. just a lot of hanging out, video games, went to Max's the other morning for well breakfast i guess. more at lunch but whatever. it was breakfast for everyone anyway. went to City and got some coffee. had a double in mine so i was pretty wired for a while which was kewl. i had two rather restless nights. and got the shit scared out of me once. enough that i never EVER wanna get stuck in that situation again. that was just...eep. right now i'm just kinda dehydrated i think. didn't eat a lot or anything while i was at the Birdhouse. so i've been eatin and drinkin since i got home. got my shoes from ebay, they're rad. Tom and Caleb left a few random things at the Birdhouse so i knicked em. and i miss my Mikey! thinkin of calling him in a while. other than that i think my dad is rather peeved that i didn't come home for so many days. it's not like i'm fucking 14 ya know. but hey, what can i do. so now i've just got more chill time to look forward to i guess. that's it for now. late.

freitag,den.juli.11.2K3
so Clear Lake isn't clear? + 7:17pm
spent a few days in Clear Lake with my cousin Matt. that was pretty sweet. just a lot of chillin in a different place. it was really nice though. got to play with the puppies, wakeboard for the first time, and hold the ferret :) we hung out at the rink for a while when Matt had to "work" and i saw 8 Mile while i was there. that was pretty kewl. but for some reason when i had Jack there it made me hella sickly. that's totally never EVER happened before ever. so it was really weird. but it made it so i got to come home a day early. saw T3 with Matt's dad and Mandy. that was neet. pretty kewl movie, a lil too cheezy at times, but the guy who played John Connor looked soooo much like Michael Biehn, i loved it. umm...other than that i'm super sore from wake boarding. took me forever to actually get up, but i did it twice and was happy with that much. i did a hard face plant into the water so now my neck hurts but i don't have a headache ne more. that pretty much went away on the ride/nap home. i talked to Mike and Tom a good amount of time while i was there, which was pretty kewl. called Mike once i had service on my phone and talked for a good at least half hour. that was hella nice, i so missed his voice. so current situation is me tired, sore, going to Warped Tour tomorrow, Joey is in town (YAY!), Tom should be back on Monday sometime, and i don't have anything to do right now.

Mikey, i hope you had an awesome time rawking out tonight. i heart you babe *hugz*

dienstag,den.juli.8.2K3
HO CHARLIE! + 9:33am
I almost fell off a horse twice today, weeeeeeeeeeeeee! Actually wasn’t as scary as you’d think, though I would’ve gotten pretty messed up if I had fallen off considering that at the time we were going to do a canter and since I haven’t done that on that particular horse he had a lead which Lena (Sean’s friend, owner of Charlie) was holding, though I think Charlie decided that he wanted to do a lot more than just canter. Lucky me. So yea, that was pretty damn fun. The first time I almost fell wasn’t nearly as bad as the 2nd, at least the first time I had one of my feet still in a stirrip, and wasn’t just gripping onto the saddle and pulling back on the reins yelling at Charlie. I think it was scarier that I was going in a very very tight circle going so fastly with not a lot to keep me on. Sean actually did fall off, which was not too surprising since Charlie wasn’t on a lead at the time and decided to bolt for some reason. He was just excited. i hella got to say hi to all the horsies in the stable though. it was pretty kewl. Bandit is a nice horse but Ted E. Bear was just so awesome. i stayed with him a long time just saying hello :) i got some horse kissies and things from him. very kewl. So now I’m just a little sore, mostly it’s in the calves but I’m guessing by tomorrow my thighs are gonna be killing me. Tomorrow I’m off to Clear Lake to hang out at my cousins for a while, do some wakeboarding, play pool, play with puppies, should be pretty awesome. Then I get to come back do Warped Tour and be tired. And somewhere in there I have to make the Avenger all sexy again…hmm. Earlier today we went out and took Sean's truck for it's 150k check-up or somethin and walked around downtown Mountain View. was kinda neet. though i just discovered after my shower that i got sunburns on my shoulers. which kinda sux. but oh well. after we did that i got some laces for my ice skates that're long enough. so now i can actually skate if i want to, just need em sharpened. and then yea, all the stuff after that i told bout already. i played a lot of Final Fantasy Tactics till i was too tired to remember that i was awake, so after all that i went sleep and now i'm up listening to The Hippos. not bad.

sonntag,den.juli.6.2K3
fhqwhgads + 12:56am
things ended up pretty kewly. like they started out sucky, then once i hung out with Aubrey and played Trogdor some things were good. Mike made a lot of it all better on his own, he always does that cause he's so fucking awesome. i made a quiz thingie about me while Aubrey was here, it was kinda fun. though the last Q is kinda a trick question, so far only Mike scored perfect, even if it does say he got one wrong. i know how he did and that's what matters. things with Aubrey are going pretty goodly now which happies me. we went and hung out at the rad park where i fell and hit my head that one time. but this time we figured out that we could ride this one teeter totter and just make it look SOOOOO wrong. it was awesome! we named the actual apparatus "the good ol' " and i was "in" and Aubrey was "out." so the whole name is "the good ol' in and out" pretty spiffy if you ask me. we had fun doing that a long long while, and we're gonna make a vid of that sometime. we swung a lot on the swings, and played on stuff quoting The Princess Bride on this boat they had. other than that not too much went on. showed Aubrey random kewl stuff from SLC Punk and stuff. so yea, fhqwhgads.

samstag,den.juli.5.2K3
persona change + 6:50pm
so things haven't changed too too much around here, but enough that i really thought about how i am and things like that. very interstingly they are. so yesterday was happy exploding day! anyways, hung out with Aubrey since she's back from camp for a few, that was pretty damn awesome. i got to talk to her about things that've been going on with me and then she got to tell me about things that've been up with her. very interesting. from one long discussion it was concluded that i'm bi but have never really embraced it though i can. it's kind of neet though just the fact that i would be able to do something like that if i chose so. but currently i don't care to do anything with chicks cause it's not worth the troble right now. and chicks cause drama, which i don't want. anyways, i got enough in my head to worry about without having to think about girls too.

on another note i played musik with the boys again today. basically i got tired of not being heard and being told to be quiet. i got tired of people yelling at me when there was no reason to as well. so yea, i'm tired of people basically, but i'm over it right now since i got to talk to Mikey and Tom. that makes things all betterly. and Tom got me hooked on that damn Trogdor game! jeebus, i got to level 20 and died, it sucked. but i'll beat this thing, you'll see, you'll all see!!! if ya dunno who Trogdor the Burninator is go and watch the vid. the name is linked. so for now, i'm back to the game and musiking. rawk on.

donnerstag,den.juli.3.2K3
second solution + 12:43am
i realize that no matter how much i wine and complain about shit nothing will ever get done and sometime i just need to up and do things on my own. but you know what? fuck that! everything i need to get done can not be done on my own and really pisses me off because of that. like take for example having to go to the dmv to take my permit test yet again. getting there means having to drive there, meaning i need to find a ride because i can't drive to somewhere where i'm trying to get legalization to drive. so driving prevents me from driving! oh the sick irony. next up is me getting my job. i got the application but small bits of info i don't know force me to not have some information, this just kind of sux. but it's not something to become all broken up over. so now i just need to turn in my application which shouldn't be too bad i guess. then i have my "i hate living at home" issue. there's nothing i can do about this one really except for be not home as much as possible. and i think i'm doing an alright time with that so far. i just needed to state all these things for some worthless reasons.

on Tom's reccomendation i think i'll give Aubrey a call and see if she's free to do anything. cause shit, she's home and we need to do stuff whatever it may be. considering she's only here till the 6th that rules out ice skating, but i'm sure we can find a suitable substitute. then i'll try making some more of those sucky friend bridges over all those places that there've been gaps and hopefully this'll help me out some too. other than this and some things of Tom and Mike on my mind i haven't had too much else to deal with. tried to clean out my room some but it pretty much failed. it's clean but i can't get rid of stuff, oh well.

and Mike, i'm gonna say this just because of it's level of trueness. i truly do love you for the person that i have come to know and despite what some people may believe (Nathaniel) i do feel that if we did have the chance to come face to face sometime we would definentally make the most of a truly awesome time and feel that we would know each other well enough that well i dunno. i'm not sure where i was going with that. but basically babe i heart you truly with every ounce of my beating heart (dammit saying heart twice didn't sound so goodly...make that thrice) and i really am thankful that i've come to know you and we've been able to stay in touch so well even when contact between us was a little scarce at times. you've always known what to say when i needed consoling and just made everything brighter when i thought the world would never change from black. thanx babe *hugz* you're the awesomest hot sexy Mikey ever.

dienstag,den.juli.1.2K3
save the day + 9:30pm
since yesterday i think my head has finally found alignment with something. just when i woke up today i knew exactly what i wanted to get done, i didn't feel like i was going no where, i was motivated, head held high, and ya know what? i knew who i was, not who people thought i was, and i was gonna do what i wanted and didn't give a fuck as to what anyone had to say about it. i'm so fucking happy with myself at this point it's awesome. nothing is going to ruin this for me now and i'm not even gonna let me do it to myself (geod knows that i can). Zebrahead going through my mind for the past couple days has been a good motivator as well. i think it was "i'm money" that i decided was my motivation song, well besides "motivation proclamation" it's the more pumped up one.

today i hella went to Target after i got up and ate, yes, i actually had breakfast! amazing. but yea, i walked to Target and they were having a mad awesome sale, got me some random shite and then stopped by the Sally Beauty place. i decided "i need to dye my hair and fuck worrying about money." so i bought some colour that called itself "cherry cola" hoping that the colour it showed me was how it'd end up. so i got home immediately colouring my hair. well...it didn't quite come out as i'd hoped, and it looks a lil more washed out that i thought, but i have another bottle that i can always use and see if that helps make the colour stronger. but it's not that bad, and a lot better than being a funky blonde. after that Nathaniel and Jeremy came and got me and took me to PetsMart so i could get an application. i filled it out at teh Birdhouse, had me snack (peanut butter and chocolate chip samich toasted), and sat around till Sean showed up. hung out some more, had a beer, and i was out. now i'm home and still happy with how things are going pretty much. hopefully this'll carry on to tomorrow. i guess that's a good update for now. spat.