
besides that i don't have to keep me going to MN a secret from Mike anymore. as much as i wanted it to be a surprise things are coming up that're making that impossible. this would be [A] my bro saying he won't give me money to fly there unless i tell mom and dad and [B] well, i don't think there was a B. so now i have to find out if Mike would be willing to come out this way instead. which is kewl, but i would much rather go there, and then he won't have to worry through an airport like i would end up doing. my master plan would work, i think it would. but without my brother's funding it makes my plan impossible. but at least he thought it was a good plan. i mean, he said he thought it was a good idea and that he thinks i should do it, just he doesn't want to fund it and get in trouble for that later. so basically save his own ass. which makes sense. but still...this blows. so i tell Mike all this like 15 or 20 mins before he had to go to work, so i gotta wait a good while before i can talk to him about it more. but i guess it might give him a bit of time to think about things. just maybe.
other than that i have nothing going on. i spent all day sitting on my ass doing completely nothing. yesterday i finished watching Final Fantasy Unlimited, that makes me kinda sad. and then i really want a Gameboy Advance cause at least that way i could keep me occupied somehow. get me some chocobo games and things, i'd be set. though i can always play FFX some more...but it's just not being appealing currently. that's all. later.


before all of this i had a final at 2 which i found Matt at. so i gave him his xmas present which was the purple and black scarf i'd been working on. he liked it too :) made me happy. after the final we went and found Sarah and they bummed around until Sean came to pick me up, it was kewl. i don't really wanna go into all the other stuff right now so maybe i'll post about it later. probably not though, knowing me.

my today was insane and makes me worry. i went with Sean to see about Jeremy bass-ing and we got coffee and stuff. that was alright. eventually Nathaniel was there and we all worked on song stuff. i really didn't do anything since Jeremy doesn't really listen to me in the first place. regardless if the parts i played were more solid than whatever he wanked out. even if the change was better, it still didn't sound as solid, and that upsets me. if anything i want the changes to improve the band not disassemble it. i got home eventually with Nathaniel and vented out a lot of stuff on him, i stuffed my face with food and went shopping with dad. got some xmas stuff from Target and then started doing the tree. Nathaniel was back by the time that happened, so he helped me decorate the tree too. apparently it was the first time he ever got the chance to. so it was pretty kewl.
i talked to Carolyn about things that've been troubling me and found out that she has a different view about some things than i do. it was funny that she says i contradict myself to an extent. i understand what she means, but i think she doesn't see that my thoughts on specific subjects are well...subjective haha. i then called Mike and finally was able to talk to him! i was really stressed and out of my mind by the time i was able to talk to him so the first few minutes were of me kinda losing my mind and getting close to the point of breaking down...so close. but it was so good to see what he thought on all this and i'm really glad that it won't change anything. so at least i have no worries on that part of my troubles. now i only hope that i really don't have anything to worry about, but still...i have to wait a little to find out for sure...*sigh* we'll see........we will all see soon...


amazingly i've been up for hours and ya know what? it's still not even friggin PM! that's insane. my bro finally got up after i'd had breakfast, cleaned shite, cleaned my breakfast mess, went to get gas, AND coloured my hair! or well, mostly. still gotta wash it out n such, but i got a good 10 or 15 mins till then. i'm missing the contact of all my sexy guynesses. like, i haven't talked to anyone hardly other than Jess. man, me and her are back to our old selves pretty much, it's awesome. turkey day is almost here! weeeeeeeee! food food food food food!!! and here's the lyrics to that new Blink song that i forgot to put last night.
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare The shadow in the background of the morgue The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley We can live like jack and sally If we want Where you can always find me We’ll have Halloween on Christmas And in the night we’ll wish This never ends We’ll wish this never ends Where are you? And I’m so sorry I can not sleep I can not dream tonight I need somebody and always This sick strange darkness Comes creeping on so haunting every time And as I started I counted Webs from all the spiders Catching things and eating their insides Like indescision to call you And hear your voice of Treason Will you come home and stop This pain tonite Don’t’ waste your time on me You’re already The voice inside my head Miss you miss you

today was all about cleaning i think. or at least it was when i got up. my mum is all worried about Thanksgiving being here and stuff, Jess and i are more worried about having to entertain Jill somehow. so it's been kinda hectic. i've been meaning to do homework but have been putting it off more and more...i fear what'll happen...oh well. i hope that Mike's show went awesomely today *mad hugz* as always of course though. i've been listening to my punked out xmas musik over and over along with a few choice songs from the new Blink cd. i really love the song "I Miss You" it's track 3. and i also like track 12 that has Robert Smith of the Cure. such pretty songs. the first song i mentioned though reminds me of Mike, it's kinda kewl.
umm......i wrapped some more presentness and cleaned up my room (yet again). and this night i watched the 2nd Harry Potter with my dad. i missed the first 10 mins or so but that's okay. it really was better than the first one. and at least that one Quiddich player still had his sexy accent ;) he wasn't as hot as he was in the first movie though :( that sadded a bit. and i love the phoenix in it, so pretty. gave me the idea to start a book with random neet things in the style of a book that would've been written sometime throughout the dark ages. other than that i've just been bumming around the house ALL day. it's rather dull but there's not too much else to do. but it was kinda kewl to get a ring from my other sis Sam. she wanted me to drive her and her mates around but i simply couldn't do it. i mean, i WOULD, but then my truck was gone ne way, and that totally wouldn't hold the amount of people that i think she had in mind. i talked to my other sis a lot yesterday while i worked and way lots just lately in general. Jess, you and i really need to undramatize our lives. i also drew some pictures that could end up being part of a comic strip. dunno about it, but we'll see. it seems like it could be pretty fun. just need one or two more characters i think. but meh. that's all i care to say for now so later!



mittwoch,den.oktober.22.2K3
so i talked to Mike on the phone a good while yesterday which was totally awesome. even though i so didn't have a lot to say since i never have much to do...but it was good to hear from him since i hadn't in soo long. and he finally left me my wookie message! it's only been months and months since i said he should but he finally did :) that was kewl. i made a Living End shirt for myself, it's pretty fucking awesome. sometime i'll put some scans of it and all that to show everyone.i really need to go over it in paint though i think, or something like that cause i don't think the silver sharpie will stay on the black shirt. i'm hopeful, but i dunno. me and Sarah bummed in the gullo a lil before class. she'd brought her geetar so i played some tunes a while. before she left i got in a verse or two of Story Of My Life, which was pretty fucking awesome. and she was trying to work on some lines for her class meanwhile i started singing the hidden track from Dookie haha. she eventually joined in and it was totally kewl. i went to class and realized i didn't read the story that we were having a quiz on...horrid. the other Karen in the class that i sit next to (i know it's hella kewl) didn't read the story either. so we were kinda sharin whatever we'd heard and were lookin on each other's papers haha. it was great. after that i just had a lot of time to think while i was on the bus. when i got home i was starting to go up to the door and then like a van starts pullin in the driveway, like one that'd been waiting for me...that scared the shit outta me until i realized he had flowers for me haha. did the papers, got my flowers that smell so good and are very perdiful, and my teddy bear who's all fuzzily. thanx Justin :) truly awesome of you to do that for me, i've never gotten flowers before ^_^;
so this is where i am right now. i'm sitting at home just waiting to talk to Mike and Justin, i'm thinking i should study for my Art Hist midterm tomorrow, and listening to The Living End (man Chris Cheney is STILL so awesomely hot!) which is pretty nice. i'm not as tired as i have been so i think i'll last longer today.
my head aches as my heart bleeds like the leaves i fall + 12:17pm
yesterday was definentally a day for me to have a complete mental break down. but i didn't, i'm so happy that i didn't. but everything just blew up in my face with the whole thing that i created myself. it's sad that i often think that i don't hang out with many girls because of drama they cause, then i forget that being a girl myself i do cause drama unknowingly, and when discovered "shit." so i had some talks with Justin and Mike, well not so much with Mike since i wasn't awake enough to stay up to talk to him like i said i would (i'm sorry babe so much) and so i sent an email. i feel so horrible about what i've done, or more what i've caused...but...i don't know. i don't want to go into too much detail on here, this isn't for everyone. but at one point i was listening to the new Living End cd (which my bro got straight from Australia :) it's not coming out here till NEXT YEAR!) and one of the songs just so got to me at that moment, i was ready to break down and cry. but i didn't, i was good, i was able to deal for the most part. but my head and my heart are just conflicting with each other and it's just not that pretty of a battle.

other than that i'm not going to try and remember what the hell i said then. instead i'm going to just start off on today and be free of it all. first of INDIANA JONES DVD'S!!!! i have no money, and can't purchase them sadly...but i can try and get my Dad to :) just go "Daddy......? can you do somethin really truly awesomely goodly?" and so on haha. he loves Indy just about as much as me so it should be alright. went to my Art Hist class and started sketching some ideas for tats me and my cousin are gonna end up gettin sometime. a sisters celtic knot, basically a heart and the power of three intertwined, and then mine will have AFI wings on the sides, her's will have pretty angelic ones. the dark and light side of things. should be pretty awesome whenever we do it. i started writing a letter to Mike but didn't get too far. my cd player ran outta batteryness so that sadded me. it was during a kewl Nonpoint song too :/ oh well. after that i wandered around the campus a while, tried calling Mike and got voicemail so i left a quick message. sat around in the Gullo and watched Kyle and Marcus play Magic. exciting? oh yes, very much so. i got to sit there eat Marcus's nachos and say "ohh! lemmie see that card, it's pretty!" and "haha, sucker, you're so gonna lose." me being Marcus's cheerleader haha. after a while of that Sarah showed up and we went to Eastridge for some eats, i went home on the bus and basically said "Fuck it" to my psych class. even though it's kewl i'm just too damn tired to sit through it. it's always cold in there ne way. Josh will probably give me crap for not showing up (yet again) and stuff like that. but oh well. i can just hope they don't drop me from the class.
meanwhile my head is going insane and i'm not getting ANY homework done. i have a gig (supposedly) on Nov.20th at the Gaslighter with me bassing for VariousEm. should be interesting...urgh.


yea i know, i'm sorry guys + 9:07pm
i know it's been a while since the last entry but man, i just don't always feel like pumpin out the words like i usually do. even if half of it is mindless babble i want it to be substancial good mindless babble. so lemmie see where i left off...(checking the outlook calendar)...okay, so i stopped on the 1st. well basically i decided i should go to all my classes that day since i skipped out on math that monday. so i was sittin in class listenin tae Finch like hella loud right? and like the floor starts tae have a beat and i KNOW it's not me. so now i'm gettin real ansy to get outside cause i know some band is playin and i knew that The Other Left was supposed to be playing at EVC soon. i just couldn't remember the day. so i skipped outta class like 15 or 20 mins early and sat out in front of the band on the grass. all these other suckers were like sittin in chairs not doin shit, they sucked. so i'm just sittin there boppin with the tunes and after they do a cover song where Benny sang (very awesome by the way. there's just something about a drummer singing that amazes me) and i was the first one to cheer and scream for em. only then did the sheep behind me say anything. the dumb asses (man i'm bein really hard on people for no reason). i talked to Benny and Johnny real quick that night tellin em they had an awesome show and i was sorry i couldn't stay the whole set. this was because i had a lunch date downtown with my bro and Sarah for some yummie Pizza Chicago. mmmm...so so good. me and Sarah also checked out some places as usual. went to the museum there and saw the sweet Surfing exhibit that's there right now, went to the Tech, spent money yet again, and hit the bookstore as well as food. there was a hot guy at Pizza Chicago with a tat down his arm too. very kewl. and when we were walking to my bro's building we saw some guys goin down the street with a camera and boom mic, it was so kewl! and we had to go back to the truck to get Sarah's drink and i was like "man, i wanna see those guys with the cam and boom mic again! they were awesome!" right after i say this hella loud they magically appear on the same part of the street as i'd seen them before, Sarah points and says "those guys?" to which i say "hey! it is those guys!!!" so so retarded i am. other than that the parking was a gyp and they need to fix their signs to saying "if you get here after 6 you don't pay" instead of "free after 6" it's way decieving. so that was mainly how Wednesday went i think.
so the next day i totally don't remember. the only thing of note i can think of was my friend Josh got a tat! man it was pretty kewl. so we chatted and stuff like always in Psych and all that. good times. i got him to gimmie a lift home like always, man he's such a sweet guy for doin that for me like every single day we have class together. i still feel really quilty about it though. so i guess that was the extent of Thursday.
sometime that week i think i went and had coffee with Joey too. that was pretty kewl. talked about the band and things that were going on in our oh so crazy lives. it was good to be able to catch up without the distractions of Sean and Nathaniel for once. i dunno, but when they're around my words aren't always heard. Friday we did some more hanging out and had some late night watching of "Night Of The Living Dead" (original version) and nachos and cheeze! mmmm, i heart the cheeze. i shall forever refer to having nachos as Macho Nachos (listen to the Mad Caddies song, it's excellent).
the weekend consisted of a lot of bassing. i'm glad that i'm really getting better at it and all, and the parts are getting more interesting in some of the songs. i still really love to play Fireman the best though. that and Epilogue (I'm Sorry) i think. and it's nice to be able to see some puppies on a regular basis :) i like puppies, i wish i had one so much...and it's awesome getting to know Mrs.Guthrie more. cause i never did know her all that well through high skool. and she's really an awesome person.
today was all about going to skool failing not one but TWO math tests, then going to...wait back up. FIRST i went to english and the hot guy in class, Mike, introduced himself to me because i was sitting next to him :) that made for a pretty fucking awesome morning. then i went to math and there was badness. listening to AFI through the whole agonizing thing. then i left early, bumming in the parking lot, tried to call people and either my phone didn't work or people were busy. then Sarah was out, i bummed a ride to her house, watched "The Raven" with Vincent Price starring! hehe. was very very...well...strange but kewl. i then proceeded to help her with her paper for her english class which the teacher ended up not showing to as i heard in a phone call after she'd dropped me off at home. other than that i've just been doing a lot of bumming, and worrying about the damn hole in my right ear and it closing up. i really need to 12G and 10G earrings to fix this.

mates
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