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Another world was dreamed on Monday, May 20, 2002 :
Bliss - Not Quite Paradise
Oh, oh, oh.
Take the path of least resistance
To the great unknown.
No directory assistance.
Now you're on your own.
If you're looking for a new world,
Just open up your eyes.
Because it's...
(chorus)
Not Quite Paradise.
(But it sure feels like home.)
Not quite paradise.
(We can rent to own.)
It'll be all right.
No, it's not quite paradise.
Tomorrow's an illusion,
Yesterday's a dream,
Today is a solution,
But you've got to let it be.
And if you're looking for the answer
It's right before your eyes,
Although it's...
(chorus)
Not Quite Paradise.
(But it sure looks like home.)
Not quite paradise.
(We are not alone.)
It'll be all right,
Though it's not quite paradise.
Somewhere from the edge of time,
When the poets die [and] the words
don't rhyme, I'll call you up and say
We made it okay.
Somewhere in the back of your mind,
When you see your demons come to life,
And the world just fades away,
You'll know it's okay.
Oh, oh oh.
It's gonna be okay.
Oh, oh oh.
(But it's not quite paradise.) But it sure feels like home.
(Not quite paradise) Make this place our own.
(Not quite paradise) We can rent to own.
(Not quite paradise) We don't have to be alone.
(Not quite paradise)
History was rewoven at 01:19 p.m. Another world was dreamed on Sunday, May 19, 2002 :
All I want is to be...in the Light...
What am I supposed to do with all these blues
Haunting me everywhere
No matter what i do
Watching the candle flicker out
In the evening glow
I can't let go, when will that night be over
I didn't mean to turn my heart from you
And dear Lord there's a name for what I'm going through
It isn't love it's robbery
I'm searching for the ghost of you and me
The Dreamer wanders the hollow halls of his castle. Something is missing. There is an unnatural emptyness here...a quiet unlike any that had ever before echoed in these still halls. Something...someone was gone. And he knew who. And he knew why. And it left him feeling more helpless than the Child of Wonders had ever been.
Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
Phantom ships, lost at sea
Well one of them is mine
Raising my glass I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why the stars don't seem to guide me
I didn't mean to turn my heart from you
And dear Lord there's a name for what I'm going through
It isn't love it's robbery
I'm searching for the ghost of you and me
How could he have been such a fool? HOW? Easy...he always had been. From day one, inconsistency had been his main-stay. At least with his vows. And vows only sometimes kept are more worthless than vows never made. Only this time he'd lost more than his reputation.
The ghost of you and me
When will it set me free
I hear the voices call
Following footsteps down the hall
Trying to save what's left of my heart and soul
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I can't let go
Yes, strange as it may seem, something in his heart still refused to let the hope quite die. But it was a futile memory it clung to. It could never be the same.
Suddenly he passed a mirror on the wall, and froze when he saw his face in the polished mercury. His own eyes haunted him...like phantom-shadows of his missing soul...and suddenly the depth of his loss seems to settle in more heavily. He wanted it all back. He wanted them all back, safe and sound. He'd die to have them again, and know everything was okay...
It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror
I guess that I was blind
Now my reflection's getting clearer
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again
There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day
You're such a part of me
But I just pulled away
Well, I'm not the same boy
we used to know
I may have said the words but they never showed
I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
The sanctuary was darker than it had ever been, and as silent as a tomb. The big book sitting on the pedestal at the front of the room was closed and dust-covered. Try as he might, Dreamer could not recall the least word from that book. The one that had been a guiding light from the day he discovered it until the day he betrayed its author. Try as he might, he couldn't open it again.
You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true
But I was scared and left it all behind
I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
And I'm asking
And I'm wanting you to come back to me
Please?
"...Please," he whispered, clutching the book to his chest. But it was his own doing. This one had gone at his own insistence...and once gone, would he never return? It frightened Dreamer to think of the answer.
I never will forget that look upon
your face
How you turned away and left
without a trace
But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you
I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
He could almost imagine he heard her soft foot-steps roaming the halls with him. But no. She had gone, too. Unable to bear watching him any longer, dying from a disease no amount of their power could cure, she had faded away like the stars at sunrise. And if her laughter seemed to drift in on the wind from time to time, it was only the memory of her laughing with the memory of him. Memories and phantoms...
I close my eyes,
Only for a moment and the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes a curiosity
Dust in the wind,
All they are is dust in the wind.
For a long moment he gazed into the empty arena. Even the wretched Nightmare was gone. Who longs for the presence of a demon? What depraved mind would mourn the loss of such company?
That was when the first tear fell. It broke the floor when it landed, like a drop of reality smashing an illusion. Then all the castle was gone, and he was left looking at the dry, barren land surrounding his castle...land that had once been so lush and fertile...land that had once been alive...
Same old song,
Just a drop of water in the endless sea
All we do,
Crumbles to the ground though we refused to see
Dust in the wind,
all we are is dust in the wind.
A kingdom with no people...a land with no life...a Dreamer with no dreams left. What good was any of it? What had his pride cost him? What had his foolish arrogance robbed him of? What had his own fears, and his self-righteous ego bought him? And not even death would be the end of it, when the time came. This was only the beginning...death the bolt that would lock the door...of the unchanging forever. And even as the memories slowly drove him mad with longing and loss, the one most prominent was that of Nightmare's parting words. So smilingly he'd said them...a declaration of his hard-won victory...
"Congratulations, Dreamer. Welcome to Hell..."
Don't hang on,
Nothing lasts forever, but the earth and sky.
It slips away,
And all your power won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind,
All we are is dust in the wind.
Everything is dust in the wind.
So dies the Dreamer. So awakens the Sleeper. So fantasies submit to reality. There is only one path to hope. One path to happiness. One path to truth. One path to love. One path to life.
Do not abandon the straight and narrow...
History was rewoven at 10:42 p.m. Another world was dreamed on Thursday, May 16, 2002 :
History was rewoven at 02:21 p.m. Another world was dreamed on Wednesday, May 15, 2002 :
Dust In the Wind
This Cannot Be Made Right
Guilty heart and guilty soul.
How much burden can it bear?
Thrown to the ground a step from the goal,
Despair reigns, and fear.
What have I become
As day sinks weakly into night?
What happened to the boy I was?
This cannot be made right.
Weep until my eyes are dry.
Bleed until my veins are cold.
Screaming sorrow, in sorrow die,
In mercy forbidden to grow old.
Sleep and dream and be still.
Darkness wrap around my will.
Cold and chill, then blackest fire:
Well-earned fate of my desires.
History was rewoven at 01:41 p.m. Another world was dreamed on Wednesday, May 15, 2002 :
Broken hopes and broken dreams.
Is this what it's like to be broken-hearted?
To know the truth is not what it seems,
But completely unable to show it,
Because I've been a fool?
Bleeding heart and bleeding hands.
Is this what it's to be truly alone?
To have so much to say,
And no one to say it to,
because you know they won't believe?
Self-condemned and self-destroyed.
Is this what it's like to stand before judgement?
Without a hope of being found innocent,
Because the evidence is too conclusive,
And even I must face the truth?
Broken, bleeding, self-condemned.
What more is there to say?
What have I done...?
The star has fallen. Come, darkness.
History was rewoven at 01:18 p.m. Another world was dreamed on Wednesday, May 15, 2002 :
My Star to Come
*removes the blazing star from his tabard and stares at it*
I wanted to be a light in the world. To lead those I loved, and even those I did not, to the only one who could give them peace and joy, regardless of circumstances, regardless of conditions, regardless of worthiness.
*tosses it to the ground*
Somewhere...I lost the way myself. I lost him. I can't find him. How then can I lead anyone else...?
History was rewoven at 11:52 a.m. Another world was dreamed on Monday, May 13, 2002 :
My Star to Come
So I will run with the wind,
And I will burn with the sun.
I am fighting to win against this beast I've become.
I will fall with the stars,
And die in the dark.
Conquered by no enemy, save the one in my heart.
Nowhere is it written that a heart can only love one person. Sometimes I wish it had been. It hurts when the heart must fight itself, and divide itself. To cut it in two, physically, could not be half so hurtful.
At war with my own soul,
Where can I turn,
For the answer to the mystery that I've yet to learn?
Wish I could cast my heart aside
While these raging emotions churn.
Hide my dreams in the darkness while my soul waits to burn.
History was rewoven at 11:52 p.m. Another world was dreamed on Friday, May 10, 2002 :
The Test of Faith and Life
When I'm afraid
I wish that I could run away
And just find a place to hide for a little while.
When I'm afraid,
And all the mistakes I've made
Are pulling me down,
They can surround me
Like a storm.
When I'm afraid...
When I'm afraid
And worried for the times ahead,
And nothing that I do makes my heart feel warm...
When I'm afraid
Help me think about the things you said;
They echo inside
And comfort me like a little child.
Lord, I look to you.
Won't you send me a love that's true?
Like a silver rain
To wash my tears away.
When I'm afraid...when I'm afraid.
~"When I'm Afraid," from the musical Truth-Slayers
My life is pretty rough sometimes. But maybe not as rough as I think. To my friends who are dealing with real suffering, my heart and prayers go out to you.
They say that into every life
Some rain must fall,
For the pain is no respector of
The mighty or the small.
But sometimes, it just seems so unfair
To see the one who's had more than her share.
And it makes me wonder why.
Now Lord, I wouldn't second-guess
Your mighty plan.
For I know you have a purpose that's
Beyond the scope of man.
If you look inside my heart you will find
That I have always been the trusting kind.
But still I wonder why.
I wonder why do the rainy days have to come,
When the storm-clouds hide the sun?
I want to know why. Why?
I wonder why.
When the reasons aren't clear to me,
When it all is a mystery,
I want to know why.
And although, down here, I may not understand,
I won't let go of the unseen hand.
For it holds the reason why.
The Lord has never been afraid
Of honest prayer.
And He won't allow the burden
To be more than we can bear.
When he knows that our trust is in him,
He doesn't mind the questions now and then.
Even if you wonder why.
I wonder why do the rainy days have to come,
When the storm-clouds hide the sun?
I want to know why. Why?
I wonder why.
When the reasons aren't clear to me,
When it all is a mystery,
I want to know why.
And although, down here, I may not understand,
I won't let go of the unseen hand.
For it holds the reason why.
He holds the reason why.
~"Why?" by Micheal W. Smith.
I ask it many times, and I am always answered. Maybe not always exactly when I want to be, or with what I want to hear, but I am answered none-the-less, with truth and blessings.
Though I don't always get what I want, I do always get what's best. Though I get hurt, I am always healed. Though I do hurt, I am always forgiven. Though I am worthless, I am always treasured. I cannot be grateful enough.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you…Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
~Matthew 7:7-11 & Luke 11:9-13
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
~Matthew 11:28
Window shopping,
She’s been looking
For a string of pearls.
They’re the fake kind,
But they’re just fine
For this wishful girl.
She’s turning sixteen. Candles burning,
She whispers her dreams to the air.
Then Daddy hands her the pearls she had hoped for.
No other present could compare!
So she wears them well,
Lets everybody know.
She holds them dear,
So hard to let go.
But the greatest gift
She will ever know
Is she can trust and not regret.
Father knows best.
One year later
He reminds her
Of what she got last year,
Then he asks her
To surrender
What she holds so dear.
Full of questions, she turns them over.
What good could this possibly bring?
But in their place he gave her some real pearls.
So much more than she could ever hope for or imagine or dream!
And she wears them well,
Lets everybody know.
She holds them dear,
So hard to let go.
But the greatest gift
She will ever know
Is she can trust and not regret.
Father knows best.
Amen, and amen.
History was rewoven at 01:08 p.m. Another world was dreamed on Tuesday, May 7, 2002 :
Parley vou France?
Well, I sure don't. But starting tomorrow, I'd better learn. :P Yep! French courses start tomorrow. All things considered, it really shouldn't be that bad. Languages are a lot different from most other classes. You don't have to memorize the history of the language or anything. Just learn the declension system and you're good to go. Shouldn't be too hard.
But for THREE HOURS!! A class on CARTOONS would be a pain at that length! Ah well...wish me luck everyone!
History was rewoven at 10:41 p.m. Another world was dreamed on Monday, May 6, 2002 :
Unconditional
Not much to be said here. Under assault from five sides, and all of them are right.
History was rewoven at 02:11 p.m. Another world was dreamed on Monday, May 6, 2002 :
Ghost of You and Me
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.
Like sand through my fingers slip the smiles I recall; the happiness and laughter I used to share with them all. What happened to my power? What happened to my dreams? My vision's become clouded in thier troubles it would seem. I no longer know what I'm saying, or what anything means.
All the same...I am here for you. Always have been, always will be. Speak, and I will listen. Question, and I will answer. Smile, and I will laugh. Cry, and I will die by your side. Only try. I am here.
*goes off to have a little talk with his heart*
History was rewoven at 07:45 a.m. Another world was dreamed on Saturday, May 4, 2002 :
Another turn in the saga.
Sometimes the greatest conquest comes in being conquered.
History was rewoven at 09:42 p.m. Another world was dreamed on Wednesday, May 1, 2002 :
Minor Changes
Well, after a brief hostile take-over by my darker-side, I decided I actually kinda like the color-scheme. Seems like everyone else is using it...I'll jump on the bandwagon just this once.
Friends are wonderful things. I really don't appreciate mine enough at times. I know I've mentioned this before, but it's getting more and more obvious every day. Nathan sparks my creativity like no one else in the world can. Matthew keeps my faith burning, even when I'm ashamed of how far I've gone off the straight-and-narrow at times. Kristin puts me back ON the straight-and-narrow, and keeps me there. Alison challenges my intellect. And Laura keeps encouraging me in my studies, both professional and personal.
What I'd do without any of you, I don't know. *hugs all of them* Thanks, guys.
In other news, exams are finally over, and I'm now working full-time. Joy! The work-load's not too bad, I have constant internet connection, and the extra hours mean plenty of extra cash. Sweet deal. Too bad it's only for two weeks this time, instead of the whole summer. Ah well...I'll still get by. :)
Well, I guess that's enough rambling for now from me. Take care, everyone! Follow your dreams...
History was rewoven at 08:12 a.m. Another world was dreamed on Monday, April 29, 2002 :
The Nightmare's Lair
*dark chuckle* Dreamer took a little trip, folks. I'll be keeping you posted on his status now. Welcome to the dark side...
History was rewoven at 11:43 a.m.
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