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Friday, May 31, 2002
12:14 a.m.
I am scared to death that Wylie is the only reason that I'm moving out there. Is he? He must be, or I wouldn't be doubting myself so friggin much.
Honestly though, would I want to move there if he wasnt there? No. UGHHH
Go download Kasey Chambers Not Pretty Enough.
That's how I feel right now. UGHH.
Wednesday, May 29, 2002
09:48 a.m.
Work was so ridiculously boring lastnight. We were beyond dead. I guess that's the life as a bartender sometimes. Oh well. Tonight should be better, though. We;re having a party for this friend of the owners, so hopefully I'll be walking out with a nice pocket of cash.
Because, Hecht's is having a big ol' one day sale on the first. That's a Saturday, so I'll be getting paid the day before, sooo...that means Jill will be buying hella cute stuff for her new apartment that she's never seen.
I really hope that living with Jessica isn't going to ruin our friendship. I'm going to try my damnedest to just breathe, let things go, and just not hold grudges. But also, I know that she's going to complain SO much about Penny (and this is why Jon and I are taking her to puppy training). But you know, it's only fair for me to keep her, plus she's only going to be with me until Christmas. I told her "Once you see her, you'll love her to death!" She replied with, "I won't love her til she doesnt live in my house." That really pissed me off. Hello, I'm paying for half of everything. I just can't let her make me feel that I'm living in her apartment, like I'm a guest. And I know that since I am moving up there where she has been living for so many years, that she will hint towards that. God, I do feel bad for talking to badly behind her back, I just wish, though, you could understand how she is. As Wylie said so many times before "She is everything I despise about girls all in one." She is the ultimate.
Penny dog had her rabies shot yesterday. She is now registered with the state :)Her little tag hits her name tag now and jingles. Atleast we'll know where she is in the house now.she was weighed yesterday as well. She's a big whopping 12pounds. She's three times as big as she was when we got her. My little baby is growing up. I really wish I had a scanner so I could show you a picture.
Jon and I are going to go and enroll our "daughter" in puppy training courses.
Never in a million years did I think I would be one of "those people" who treat their dog like a child. Oh well.
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
01:42 p.m.
I'm kinda tired of the pink, but I do like the layout. Maybe I'll switch a few colors around, I'm thinking yellows?
I'm listening to Happy by SisterHazel and it makes me want something summer/lovely.
Guess what? I cannot wait to get to Colorado, drive to Horse Tooth, and just scream! I'm going to be positive, happy, and just smile more than I ever have before.
I want to be beautiful, but more so on the inside now.
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
11:55 a.m.
I've downloaded alot of Dashboard Confessional songs. I really like this guys voice. I know it's all "emo" and all. But can't I just like what I like?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
So, I have cramps from hell. I woke up this morning in just agonizing pain. Ever since my surgery back in February of 99, my cramps have gotten unbearable. One option I have is to go back on birth control, but I don't really want to chance it again, you know?
lost? read this: In 99 I had terrible stomach problems. It took many a lovely months to figure out what was wrong with me. The birth control I had been taken was partly the cause of a softball cyst that was wrapped around my right ovary. I had had several more than had already ruptured (hence the many stomach cramps I had). MY ovary was pretty much usless and at a high risk of more cysts to come, so with that info, my mom and I decided to have the sucker revomed.
The birth control really helped my cramps, though, but the thought of having my other ovary gone too, scared the shit out of me. Eventhough at this point in my life, I'd rather loose my pinky than give birth to a child, someday I will change my mind. (You know, after Wylie and I get married and move far far far away) Sooo....for now, I will down as many advil as possible and deal with the pain.
My roomate Steve asked me one time what the pain felt like. I asked if, "Have you ever had all your insides ripped out of your ass?"
I didn't think so.
Monday, May 27, 2002
03:00 p.m.
Orange juice and dr. pepper. Just say no.
I wish I could go "poof" and make my hangover go away.
I also wish I could figure out how to put Glorious and Dress to Kill on a cd. But I'm too tired nd sick to figure it out.
But, like my Gram says, "You can shit in one hand and wish in the other. Which one will fill up first?"
My thoughts exactly.
Oh, and I talked to Wylie lastnight. I think he was drunk too. I love it when we're both drunk and talking all nicely to each other. I adore him. I called him back and said "I have bad news" What? "My dog is in heat and humps everyone" Oh, I thought you were going to say you werent going to move out here.
I love him.
Monday, May 27, 2002
01:27 p.m.
I am hungover. I can't go into details because I feel like I'm going to die.
And there's a possibility that I have lime disease. Of course I'm being a little dramatic. I had a tick on me like 4 days ago, on my neck, and I woke up, went to the bathroom, freaked out, ripped it out, put rubbing alchol on it and went to bed. The next day I had a little not, and ever since then it's been getting bigger and bigger. So, by today I have a second head on my neck. And what makes it worse? There's a whole inside the bump. Yup, so the tick probably laid eggs and my neck is going to explode and I'll be covered in ticks, just like that girl with the spiders on her face. Yuck yuck.
well, on that note, I'm going to try and throw up in the toilet because that will make me fill better.
Oh, after drinking WAY too much yesterday at the ten ren fair, Jon and I drank WAY too much at Joes Crab Shack and ate WAY too many oysters. BUAHHHH!!!!
But I'm listening to Eddie Izzard's Glorious on winamp, so I'll be okay.
Saturday, May 25, 2002
10:25 p.m.
I'm downloading eddie izzard's glorious and dress to kill. i adore eddie izzard, i'd love to help him get even richer by buying these videos, but ya know, i'd love to save myself some money too. i cannot wait til they are done. hopefully stephen won't come home and catch me, he get's all paticular about things like that...silly boy.
ughm, if you notice up top, i've added a 'jill' page and a 'who's who' page. so if youre new and you love me, and you want to know more about me (and lets face it, you do) then you can read all about me there. yupyup
Saturday, May 25, 2002
08:13 p.m.
I am currently listening to the new Weezer CD, and I must say, I love it like all the rest. I don't care if people say that Pinkerton was crap, I enjoyed it greatly.
Look at me! It's 8pm on a Saturday night, and look where I am at! My parents. And I'm totally okay with this, because, well, one I'm moving to Colorado in two months and I have no money saved up, nor a car to get me there. I think my parents are going to buy me new bedroom furniture, yay! I need some, big time.
Tomorrow, Jon, Brooktar and I are all going to the tennessee renaissance festival. Should be oodle of fun. I haven't been in a very long time. It's not my scene, or something like that. My sister said that earlier today, and I'm like whats not your scene? history?
dumb arse.
I havent eaten anything but three jalapeno and cheddar poppers today. Go me. But I am slightly hungry. No, just I'm bored and want to eat. I dunno, I have issues. I want to be skinny, to be known as skinny Jill.
Wylie told me it snowed yesterday in Colorado. What the hell? Mom says I'm going to miss the weather. Of course I will. Along with everything else. I think I'm chickening out....
Friday, May 24, 2002
11:29 p.m.
I am, without a doubt, exhausted. Work killed me today.
I have hardly eaten anything, although what I have eaten hasn't been too healthy. Such as, drinking three cokes, eating three chips ahoy! cookies. But, when Jon comes to pick up Penny, he'll bring me a yummy O'charley's salad and dinner rolls. My nightly treat when he works.
Speaking of my lovely diet. I'm starting another journal, one that will focus on me being unhealthy and obsessing over my weight. You see, lovely people, this is my problem, I know what I need to do to get in shape and loose weight, but I'm way too lazy to do it. So, I'd rather just take pills that will keep me from eating and possibly give me a heartattack, and still be as lazy as ever. This is America. Anyhoo, this journal will be located at skinnyjill@diaryland.com. I know, how appropriate. Please don't bitch and write how I'm being so trnedy high school cheerleader about this whole weight issue. Trust me, if I had the self control, I'd just become anerexic. Believe me, I've tried.
Oh my God, two more months then I leave. Won't you miss me?
Friday, May 24, 2002
11:59 a.m.
I'm moving to diaryland at the first of June. I want to be trendier, really. And have people link me, and be on friends' lists. Yes, I want to be popular.
Anyhoo, I have new, local favorite diary. maxquad.diaryland.See, if I were at diaryland now, I could just add it to my list of favorites.
Lastnight was my last night at James Drive. (I almost put the address down, oops.) Jon and I had our last (as roomates, anyways) bedroom fun-filled-action-drama-porn. (yeah, it's supposed to make sense) Well, to be totally honest with you, it wasn't that enjoyable. I really hate getting really into and then wham- we have to stop. It annoys me. Whatever though, too much sharing about my sex life. I still have mucho stuff over there. I suppose I'm going to finish packing tonight after work. I have a closet full of clothes, the attic is crammed with my Christmas things...ughhh, I just want to get a U-Haul right now, pack it up and drive...
I started taking Hydroxycut yesterday. I haven't lost any weight yet. This dissapoints me. I can't help but to want to be thin. Like, Cameron Diaz thin. Not Penelope Cruz thin. A healthy thin, not a gasping thin.
I just want to be beautiful like all the other girls in this messed up country.
Thursday, May 23, 2002
04:21 p.m.
A dear friend of mine lost someone special in her life this past week. Please keep her in your thoughts.
You know, I sit here and complain about money, about cars, family crap and just things that don't really matter. When someone close to you dies, it seems like nothing else matters, and that's how we should always feel. Who cares if youre driving a fancy car? Who cares if you have the nicest clothes? Where does that get you? If you aren't happy, if you don't have love to give, and love given to you- what really does it matter?
My life is full of loving people. I have my family, my friends, my roomates. I have alot of people who love me, I love alot of people. That's what gets me up in the morning. It sure as hell isn't my job. It sure as hell isn't my car. The people that I love and get to see daily, that's why I go to work, that's why I go anywhere. What's the point of working your ass off, making millions and being so wrapped up in your own little world that you forget the ones that love you? I'd rather be a begger on the street and be loved than a millionare being hated.
Enough ridiculous ranting.
I'm just about all moved in to my parents house. whoo. Now to do two laundry baskets full of clothes.
Tasha, you are amazing. You'll get through it.
Sunday, May 19, 2002
05:51 p.m.
Gimme one more shot of Jose, please.
Tequilla, no matter how much you want him to be, will never be your friend. Never.
Big dramatic tequilla story about a guy being a little too agressive, yadda yadda, end of story, all is fine.
Today, I didn't get out of bed until 3pm. I still havent bathed today. It's sunday, my days to do jack shit, and that's exactly what I do. Jack shit. And clean up Penny's pee in the laundry room.
This week has: SUCKED BALLS
Friday, May 17, 2002
03:34 p.m.
Right now I am sitting on hold with the sherrif's department. Oh yes, this is the day from hell.
My keys are sitting comfortably in the ignition, which is where they should be, only if my damn door wasn't locked.
Lastnight when I was planning on going back to the house, Jon called to tell me that my car was completely dead. So, of course I go into this whole spiel about how fucked I am, how much my life sucks, I can never get ahead, blah blah blah. I take my brother's car home while he and Jon go to see the new star wars movie. Fun. Later that night, when Jon gets home, I ignore him. Not so much ignore him as go to sleep. Then, at about 3 this morning, Wylie calls to see how I'm doing. (I test messaged him earlier telling him my dramas of the day.)
9 Minutes holding....call again....back on hold.
So, he makes me feel a little better, but that could have also been that I was sleeping and dont half remember talking to him.
At about 2 Grandaddy comes to get me and we look at my car. Fucker Jon, it's only out of transmission fluid. It's alright. About as alright as it possibly can be at the moment, anyways. So, I head back to the house, get my stuff and get penny's things and head to my parents house. I call Jon to see if when he took it to get the oil changed if they checked the transmission fluid, he said yeah, I said thanks (because apparently I don't thank him enough.) I hang up, shut my door, and wham, notice my mutha fuckin keys are inside, with the doors locked.
So, now, 3 minutes and holding on my second try with the sherrifs department. Yeah, go fight crime, bust some druggies, but on your way, could you unlock my car?
Thursday, May 16, 2002
05:07 p.m.
Alot has happened in the past two days. But, I'm not going to go into detail. All that needs to be said is that living with Jessica is going to be the most insane/ridiculously stupid thing I have ever willingly done. Yup...
I am still retard for Wylie.
So much is just going right now...it makes me want to vomit. I need another fucking job. I need to work and work and work and work and never sleep. Please pass me some speed. Thanks. I need money. I will do anything (other than most sexual favors) for money. Fuck, I have sex for free now, might as well just get paid for it, ya know.
hahaha...i'm crazy, i know.
Monday, May 13, 2002
12:06 p.m.
handisnacks don't get the kind of recognition they deserve.
Monday, May 13, 2002
11:34 a.m.
-insert huge longing/ i'm so in love/ hurry the hell up august sigh-
So, maybe it's not really love. Maybe its just infactuation, maybe it's just the idea of loving him that gets me off, whatever it is...I'm enjoying it right now.
It's really frustrating being so far apart, ya know? I'm just so curious to see what's going to happen with us. I feel like I'm stuck in a really good book and I just want to skip a few chapters to see what will happen. (I'm a nerd, I'm okay with this)
Lastnight when I got home, I messaged him a couple of times and we were just playing around. After a while (after being thrown out of Jon's room, because he was acting like an insanely jealous boyfriend, which he doesnt have the right to act like) Wylie called me and we talked for nearly 2 hours. I miss those talks. How can we possibly think of so much to talk about? I love when he tells stories, too. He doenst stumble around and give little unneeded details, he keeps his listeners entertained. He makes me laugh alot too. And lastnight, he said another one of those things that just makes me go 'wow'. He told me that even if things dont work out between us in a romantic kind of way, he trusts me, he cares about me, and that I'll deffenently have a good friend in Colorado.
He's invited me skiing again, to Yellow Stone. I told him that I want to be able to see things while I'm up there, I want to come home over Christmas and be like, "Yeah, and then we went here and here and here, Yeah, I love it up there!" I told him, though, if I went skiing he'd have to come to TN with me. He said that he would- as long as he only has to talk to 5 people. That'll work.
Ughh, Wylie wylie wylie, I know...
Jon and I are....uhhmmm...I have no idea how to explain this. Basically, and I'll be totally honest, I'm just using him. He's comfort for me, he's a person that will go out of his way to do things for me. It's nice. But, it does has alot of draw backs, too. He gets really jealous when I mention wylie. We call him unmentionable. He calls him alot of other things, too. I dont know, I know that I don't love Jon more than a friend. I mean, I care for him alot, more than just a friend, I do love him, I'm just not in love with him. It's a weird situation that's hard to explain. I'm not bitching, though, I put myself here.
On other notes: we had a wicked storm lastnight that is still continuing to go on. The roads are flooding. Fun. Maybe I can call into work...but then I wouldn't have an money...and that sucks. Yeah, I still 375.
xoxox
Sunday, May 12, 2002
03:58 p.m.
Happy Mother's Day.
So, I'm in love. Guess who with? Yup, it's Wylie. So, he called me lastnight while he was on his way to Denver. He was telling me how I'm going to go skiing this year, and that I'll be playing golf, and all these other Wylie/Colorado things...I told him as I much as I enjoy broken legs, and being bored to death, I'll pass. Then he said this, this one little phrase that I have been a total girl about and annalysed a million trillion times: I can't fall in love with a girl that won't ski. So, yeah, I'll be taking skiing lessons this year. (I kid)
I messaged him lastnight on the cell phone with "I miss you." He messaged me back "Me too."
-Insert huge longing sigh-
Things are going alright. Jess and I found an apartment, we know this...I need money though. Thursday is the big moving back home with Mom and Dad day. UGHH. Yeah, that's right. Oh well, though. You gotta do what you gotta do.
So, I'm moving to Colorado. Isn't this just weird? I'm reflecting alot of my life right now...I'm just...I don't know. I think I'm very content with my future right now. I think Colorado is going ot be good for me, too.
I just hope that I can survive life with Jessica. heh.
I bought Penny dog some new toys today. Her favorite is the pig's ear. She's such a little Cadburry Bunny. I love her to death. Steve is supposed to scan a picture of her for me at his parents. We'll see if he does...
Love you all.
Thursday, May 9, 2002
08:12 p.m.
We've been robbed.
Yeah, that was my first thought this morning when I see that our big screen tv is no longer in the living room. Yeah, Steve pawned it this morning to pay off someone who he owed money to. Lovely.
Yeah, Steve's back at the house now. He thinks that everyone is hunky dorry (I dunno...) with him now. Yeah, that's not so much the case. He annoys me. ALOT. And his girlfriend....ughhhh...I'm just going to talk about something else.
hey, I need 375 right now. So, if you send it to me...I'll sleep with you. Because according to Steve, I'll fuck anyone for free rent.
holla
Tuesday, May 7, 2002
04:02 p.m.
Things are stressed right now. Just to let you know, you'll be hearing ALOT about my moving, getting a car, and saving money.
Lastnight it took me an hour to convince my parents to sign my co-applicant papers for my apartment in colorado. My parents are not going to co-sign on a car for me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I will have sex with you for a car. Don't think I wont.
Hrmmm...Steve has yet to come home. I'm okay wiht this, as is my other roomates.
2 and a half more months and then I will be out of TN. I'm scared.
Sunday, May 5, 2002
06:06 p.m.
In two more weeks I will be completely done with Steve. I don't even want to talk about him.
I have a new stalkee. His name is Mike. He lives in Fort Collins as well. Factually, I went to diaryland and looked for journals in Fort Collins and came across his. You can be nosey too and read his diary at yatzin.diaryland.com.
Jessica and I have an apartment. I have to go by Patrik's tonight and get the lease and application papers. I have to send Jessica 35 bucks tomorrow for the application fees. Bleh. The deposit is first months rent. 375. Gross me out. It's SO incredibly expensive. Oh well. Too bad I'll be paying ALL of that, and Patrik will be paying Jessica's. Sucks to be me.
I have a huge sore on my gums. It's what I like to call an ulcer, but its really something else. Thanks to stress, yeah.
Ugh. I'm dirty. I haven't bathed yet today. I'm washing clothes right now and when all of that is done with, I will take a shower and be clean and watch Six Feet Under. Oh, I love Sundays.
Saturday, May 4, 2002
08:40 p.m.
Heh. I'm in a pissy mood, apparently. I also didn't realize that I wrote about the mula thing in the first entry. my oops.
Saturday, May 4, 2002
08:11 p.m.
Fun times at James Drive, that's for darn sure.
Rewind to Wed afternoon
Wed I went to work and when I came home at about 4:30, I took Penny girl out for a nice little walk. Dean borrowed my car to go to the gym, so when he got back I left with Penny girl to go to my parents house. Not one hour after I got to my parents, Dean called and told me that Steve thrashed through my bedroom looking for a 100 dollar bill. I was in complete what-the-hell mode. Dean said that not two minutes after I left, Steve came downstairs and left. (Dean and I had no idea that Steve was upstairs asleep and during the five minutes that we were both there together we were talking about how everyone's money has slowly been dissapearing and all the lies that we've caught Steve in for the last few weeks. Basically we were just talking trash about him.) A few moments later Steve came back in the house claiming someone took $100 out of his checkbook. Dean basically said that sucks and went on his bussiness. Well, that's when he claims that I stole it and busted into my bedroom. There he found copies of February, March and April's phone bills. He started screaming that its my fault that the phone bill never gets paid because I always take the bills into my bedroom. Dean informed him that we just recieved those copies today and I was looking through them to see what has and what has not been paid so far.
Sooo...Dean calls me and tells me all of the above and also tells me that Steve wants me to call him. So, I do. But after I go back to the house. At this time, Jon is home so I tell him the whole deal. Just to let you know, I am furious right now that he went into my bedroom.
I call Steve, I ask what he wanted. He asked if I had seen his money, asks if anyone else came by the house. I told him that Penny and I went for a walk for about half an hour, but I dont think anyone else came by the house. Then I told him that I didn't appreciate the fact that he came into my bedroom while I was not home. He said that the only reason that he went in there was because he saw the phone bill on my bed. BULL SHIT. I ALWAYS shut my door. So, I called him out on that. He then called me a liar, blah blah, so, I basically went off on him, calling him out for all the lies, all the stories, all the bullshit he had been feeding everyone for the last few weeks. I then screamed FUCK YOU! into the phone and hung up. After that, he called back numerous times, and he told me that Jon said "the only reason she fucks me is for free rent". If that were true, don't you think I'd have some damn money? Anyhoo, I went off the deep end. I went into hysterics and I told him that he was worthless, that he was shit, blah blah. I told him how I really feel about him. End of story. About that time, I ran into my bedroom, slammed my door and then heard Jon scream. He cut his hand on a piece of glass while doing the dishes. We went down to his parents house and then I just lost it again. I told him parents what all Steve was doing, what all he had said to me, and so on. UGHHH! I cannot stand him.
fast forward
So, the last two days he hasnt been home.
This morning, however, he came home. When I left this morning for work, I suppose he was sleeping because I didn't see him. Jon called me at work to tell me that Steve was still home, and said that he had a buttload of people upstairs smoking. Fun fun fun. When I came home around 4:30, Steve was walking out the door as I was going in. He said, "hey", I of course, said nothing. When I was leaving to come home, he pulled into the drive way and asked if I had a few minutes to talk. I said sure. He appologized for the things he said about me, for the names he called me. He said that he wants things to be back to normal again, and for us to just look past it all.
rewind
Over the past two days, he's told plenty of people how Jon, Dean, and I never have our rent and bill money, how we've been stealing from him, how we do this and do that, and he said to Billy that I stole $70 from him, and then told the babysitter (not the one he's screwing) that his check was $100 short. So, this makes us all come to the conclusion that there never was any money stolen, lost, or whatever. He's a fucking liar.
To be completely honest with you. I don't like him at all. I'm only going to be there for 2 more weeks and then I am out of that house. I love Dean and Jon to death, and before I would have done anything for Steve too. But he's a worthless piece of shit to me, to a lot of people. I couldnt care less for him. I'll be civil towards him, but that is all. After all the lies and bullshit he's tried to tell, fuck him. 100% fuck him and his small dick.
On a brighter note: Jessica and I found an apartment. It's two story as well, with a fenced in back yard. She's still not wanting Penny, but fuck her. I'm moving all the way across country, she can deal with a puppy for four months. Hell, its all my damn furniture anyways. Maybe I want dog hair over everything. So, when I'm not home, and its not cold, then Penny can stay outside. Depending on if she likes it or not. I'm just glad that we have all of that taken care of now.
Uhmmm...nothing else is really going on I guess. I need money, so send me some.
Wednesday, May 1, 2002
08:10 p.m.
Whew. So far May has sucked ass. My transmission just went blehkahhklsdfhlks today. Which, by the way, is bad.
Jess and I have yet to decide on an apartment.
I'm about to kill my roomate Steve. You know, the one who LIED about having a brain tumor. Fucker.
There's being mad, being pissed, being insanely pissed and mad, but I've surpassed all of those stages. I'm absolutely enraged.
Today while I was on my way to my parents, Steve went into MY bedroom and went through all of my personal belongings because HE LOST a 100 dollar bill. Fuck you, muther fucker! I haven't even been home today for more than twenty minutes.
He's been charging Dean, Jon and I all for the cable bill, but hasn't paid it in three months. The last three weeks we havent had cable. He's been charging up for the phone bill, and hasn't been paying the full amount. Only the minimal ammount. Fuck head. We've had our phone shut off twice since I've lived there. And it's only been 4 months. Fuck head.
I'm so angry, I don't know what to do with myself. I can't go home until Jon gets home from school because I'm scared I might shoot the guy. Seriously. I cannot deal with his lies, with his bullshit anymore. He's an asshole in every possible way.
Hell, the guys fucking his kids 18 year old babysitter for christ's sake, while he's still married.
Okay, so this is a lovely first entry for the month. Hopefully, with any luck, I will be moving back home this weekend. God, I hope!
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