Wednesday, August 1, 2001
09:15 p.m.

i dont know why its red over there. hmm

Wednesday, August 1, 2001
09:04 p.m.

In one week I'm leaving for Colorado. Fortunately I don't have to go through a break up when I get back this time. Why you ask? Because I will be single forever! I am doomed! It's true. Oh well though, I'm kind of enjoying it, sort of.

We are leaving on the 8th at 7am. I will be getting back sometime. I'm not sure. I don't have a plane ticket yet. Why? Because I'm a dork and havent bought one yet. Why? Because I'm temporarily lacking the funds. What am I going to do? I have no clue. But hopefully, I will be good to go before I leave. Otherwise, I will be prostituting on the way to CO for money to come back home.

Everything else is going semi-well. Work is decent. Josh still hasn't called. I've gone on a few dates here and there. My old friend Chad and I are talking again which is awsome. I've done some pretty stupid and shallow things in my life, hurting alot of my friends on the way, I'm just glad that he's been one of the few that has been able to forgive me. My friend Ben has his poor little wisdom teeth out tomorrow. Jessica has lied to me lots lately. Just little things going on, no big dramas as of the moment.

Big odl sigh on my part, that's for sure. Well, I'm doing laundry and I need to finish that horrible deal. Hope all is well where you are. MM is still my hero.

xoxox! jillian

Saturday, July 28, 2001
04:52 p.m.

I had a date lastnight. Whoo. We went to Marina's on the Square. It was fun. We were going to go to a movie or something after dinner, but I had already made plans for my neighbor Casey's birthday party. Oh well. Brian called me today and said he'd call later, but I'm no longer there, so oh well.

I had fun at Casey's. Just to let you know, I'm in love with this boy. He's our neighbor and just adorable. We flirt alot, and we get really flirty when we're drinking. I will kiss him before he moves away in August. That is my goal.

Lastnight was pretty bland, though. Jessica wasnt having fun at Casey's so we went out with some other people afterwards. We rode around, smoked some, dropped people off, got into fights (well, the guys did), made sand castles on the volleyball court, watched Martha Stewart, and ate Jack in the Box. It was fun, chemically speaking, but besides Jessica and I, no one had much fun. I love commas, apparently.

I slept ALL day today. It's nearly 5 and I've only been up 3 hours. How horrible is that? Very, I tell you.

I still havent talked to Josh. I half expect him to call tomorrow when he's at work. But I don;t think he'll break down, seeing as Melissa has gotten a tight grip around his neck. I guess I will write him off, and just move on with my life. Who knows, though. I can't just not ever talk to him again. I just dont know...

I want to start taking an art class this fall. I felt very creative lastnight in the sand. I made a really cool face. He was sad though, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make him happy. Something about sand and smiles that I just cant work with. I want to play with clay and paint. Maybe I have some talent some where in me.

Tonights adventures? A lame field party that will take me back to high school. Jessica being drunk and all over the love of her life/this summer. Jill being bored out of her mind wishing she could vanish. Oh it's High School all over again.

I need to get out of Murfreesboro.

Wednesday, July 25, 2001
08:28 p.m.

okay. now i hate that i've really messed it up. what an eyesore!
bleh!

Wednesday, July 25, 2001
07:54 p.m.

and i hate that i cant make my pretty little picture come up on the left!
okay, i'm done.

Wednesday, July 25, 2001
07:32 p.m.

I'm so tired of Josh and his girlfriend. I love him to death and I so badly want to love her too. I probably could if she weren't such a bitch to him. She's whiney (even more so than I), she's demanding, she's uptight, annoying, whiney (very much more than I), she's stuck on herself and gives his family false impressions. She's sweet, loving, kind, gentle to him around his family- but completely demented, paranoid, and a pain in the ass when she's around me. Josh says she's jealous. I think she's insane.

I called him Monday night to see how his weekend was and to tell him about work that day. He didnt answer his cell phone because she was there. Yesterday I called when I got home from work- he answered only because they were in a fight. It pisses me off so much that he can just toss me around so much- one minute I'm his bestfriend and the next I'm just the reason of another fight between them. We've been friends almost a year- and apparently that means nothing to him anymore.

So, I left a message on his cell phone a little bit ago. Saying something like, "Hey, this is Jill. I just want you to know how you have upset me by brushing me off so much. You choose her over me all the time, and I understand that because she is, afterall, your girlfriend, but I'm still your friend and I need a shoulder sometimes too. I'm sorry that she is so paranoid that something between us is going on. I think its stupid of her to think that way. I'd like to talk to you in person, but apparently youre too scared it will start a fight between the two of you. Apparently our friendship doesnt mean alot to you, so good luck with Melissa. Give me a call when y'all break up."
Of course the whole time my voice is quivering, because, well, I'm cool and like to get super emotional.

I got online to check my email and I IMed him saying he needed to check his voicemail when he got a chance. He asked what it said and I told him he'd just have to check it. I was afraid it was Melissa on IM. So, he paused, then came back saying "Do what you have to do. Bye."

So, I'm without a bestfriend. I don't know if I want to email him, or what. I don't know what I want to do about this. I hate that he is too weak to stand up to her and tell her to just shut up and deal with the fact that we our friends. I guess we aren't after all.

Work is good. I'm too tired now to even talk about it. My boss took me to lunch today. He's cool and not that old. He wants to take me and Katy to a Titans game. Coolbeans.

Buhbye. Thanks MM for being a doll.

xoxox.jill

Saturday, July 21, 2001
09:18 p.m.

Thought that I would try this again. Seeing as I still dont have a computer at the apartment, it will be a dabble attempt. But I shall try.
Life is pretty good right now. I'm still, hopelessly, single. But it's okay. I have though, met someone really awsome. A great friend and maybe it will turn into something more. He's helping me alot spiritually. I know that I've done alot of bad thinsg in my life, but people can change. People do change thier bad habits. And Lord knows I have a ton of them.
I quit my job at Cajun's. I'm working at the Wild Horse in Nashville and at the Opryland Hotel. It's fun, and better money. Something I need alot more of.
Katy and I are still loving our apartment. Well, not so much the apartment as just lving out of our parents' house. Josh was right, I did loose alot of stress when I moved out. Though now I have a different kind of stress. Stress of paying bills. But its okay. I'm in the "real world" now, and it's really not that hard. As long as you don't make it hard, it's not.

Okay, all for now. Shall have more excitement soon.

xoxox.jill