Monday, January 29, 2001
06:17 p.m.

So, lastnight I had a rush of weird emotions. I just felt weird. And of course, I'm super paranoid after Saturday night. I can't pee, but I've been drinking like no other. I had a really bad heahache lastnight, which could be from the pack of cigarettes I smoked Saturday night. Bleh, whatever. I'm just a nerd.

Al Gore wants to teach a political science class at MTSU. Fun Fun.

I've already got a cute layout for February. Fun fun.

Katy's mom is really sick. She has a bladder infection and has a fever of 104. She called and asked if I would pick up some medicine for her, Of course I did. So Milton went with me. All two hours in the car. Bless his heart. He is so incredibly sick. He has bronchitis, pnemonia, drainage in his ears and a very sore throat. So, he did, after all, call me lastnight. And I was going to just go over there and hang out for a while, but he ran the errands with me, instead. Aww. I know.

Andy called several times today, to appologize. He woke me up once, and said he was really sorry, of course I didn't know what he was talking about until I hung up the phone and tried to go back to bed. He's the one that told Jonathan. I'd hate it if people were to mind their own business. Then again, I do post this for all to see. I'm a hypocrit. I'm okay with it.

Yeah, this entry is no good.

xoxox.jill

Monday, January 29, 2001
01:06 a.m.

I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm dissapointed and let down. I treat people like they are nothing, and I still expect them to worship the ground I walk on. I don't understand it. I don't understand how someone could actually like someone like me. Look at me. I have nothing to offer anyone. Nothing good can come out of any type of relationship with me. I treat people like shit. I blew Andy off and then tossed him aside when I met Jonathan. I met Milton, then tossed Jonathan aside. I hurt two people in the process of me trying to find someone...anyone...I blew Katy off lastnight when I was rolling because I didn't want the other party to be a buzzkill. I am so self centered. Why didn't anyone bring this to my attention.

Apparently, Eric (a friend of mine I met from ICQ) found my web address, gave it to Andy, Andy must have told Rob and then Rob told Jonathan. So, probably soon, half of fucking Murfreesboro is going to know all that lies within this horrible little girl.

I'm so pathetic. So distgusted with myself. Never in a million years would I ever think I would be like this. That I would use people. God, I'm becoming Jessica. I meet a guy, I hang out with him, I don't like him in that way, but instead of telling him, instead of being honest, I carry it out. I keep hanging out, I keep kissing him. I keep leading him on. I cannot keep doing this. I can't. It's not fair, it's not right.

So, Eric, Andy, Rob, Jonathan, and anyone else that I have hurt through me being a complete bitch, I appologize. From the bottom of my heart, I really am sorry that you had to come here to find out the truth. To see what I am totally about. But I don't appreciate you sneaking around and telling one person after the other, this site.

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep this up now. More than likely I will move somewhere else. I'll let you know though. If I do, you can email me to get the new address.

xoxox.jill

Sunday, January 28, 2001
06:28 p.m.

As much as everyone says its bad for you, as much as I say it's bad for me, as much as I said I would never do it, as much I said it's not my thing. I tried it, and I loved it. It's this incredible feeling. Nothing bothers you. Music is good, friends are good, life is just good. I couldn't explain it even if I had to. Just a release inside of you that lets all the bad things go away.
Don't worry, I'm not going to start snorting anything, or injecting anything. I'm alright.
Beer doesn't even seem like fun anymore. Ahh- I'm a druggie now! :p

So, Milton called me today. He's really sick. He lost his cell phone and pager Friday night and he just got it back this morning, or lastnight, I don't remember. Maybe he does still like me. Whatever. He said that he felt really bad for not calling me, yadda yadda. I told him not to worry about it. So, he's supposed to call me tonight. If he doesnt? Ehh, I don't care. Okay, so I lie, I'll cry on my bed for hours and hours. Not really, but I'll be bumbed. If he does? YAY! I'll be happy and smile alot. A whole lot.

I hope Stuart calls me. He's my super crush from Australia. I would love to hear his voice:) Yeah, I'm a geek.

Gotsta bust it :)
xoxox.jill

SIGN IT! thanks.

Saturday, January 27, 2001
06:11 p.m.

Milton sucks.

He called yesterday though. He was drunk. All the Pikes were at Hooters, drinking. Pikes suck.

Katy and I drank a whole entire bottle of crown. I hate crown. It's so not my thing anymore. We went to the Kappa Alpha house and partied it up like no other. Mike called me a slut and a few other colorful terms. He called and appologized today. He was extremely intoxicated. Lots of fun. I would be mad, but I don't really care :)

Oh- I kissed a guy that Jessica had a fling with. She's pee her pants if she knew! heheh, I'm so bad.

Some people want me to do X tonight. Not happening, thanks, but try again.
I'm in such a retarded mood right now.

Plans for tonight? Going to a hot boy's party. Dustin. He's a cutie, indeed. I've had a crush on him for a while. Not a huge crush, but when I see him, I want to throw him down. And I could now, since I'm big buff Jill. Yeah, I've been working out. Twice, but whatever. It's a start.

Scott- youre hot!

xoxox.jill

Friday, January 26, 2001
01:25 a.m.

From: Matt Williams
To: Jill Crigger
Subject: M@'s Full-Service Lube Check
Date: Thu, 25 Jan 2001 15:20:11 -0800 (PST)

Jill-baby...'sup, SweetLick? Sounds like your love tank's running about 5 cents from empty. Well, whenever you need the man at the pump to top you off, just ring the bell, cause my shop is -full- service. And yes, we do thebest body work in town.

Of course, as should be expected with any high-quality professional, you'll have to sign the waiting list, as there is most often a line to get "aligned", if you know what I'm sayin'. But don't let that make you think twice about pulling up to the garage--the workover is worth the wait. Just point your Hypertext-Hancock to the following page, and we'll see about squeezing you...... er, into my schedule.

http://someaddressthatyoudontneedtoknowisrighthere.com

Peace, baby...

m@

That is Josh's brother. He is so funny, as you can obviously tell.
Nope, no word on Milton. Two words for him, though. FUCK IT! Oh well, I'm over it. Yup, just like that. Funny story tomorrow about how I got stuck in a ditch. Fun fun.

I love it when people sign my guestbook! DOWN AT THE BOTTOM!!! :)
xoxox.jill

Thursday, January 25, 2001
01:44 p.m.

So, Milton sucks. Okay, so I'm reading into this too much. But he's the first guy in a while that I'm actually having fun with. I like him. And I know that I say I like all the boys, but I really like him. I like to kiss him, and when I do, it's just magical..well, not that special, but he's still great. But I don't know anymore. He's about to pledge for Pike, and I don't like Pike. Why? Because they suck, they treat girls like pieces of meat, and I'm not down with that. I just don't know. I have a crush on him, and it was cool for a few minutes, but now, I just want him to want me and me not want him. Bleh.

Boys suck.

I'll keep ya updated on the whole Jill can't fall in love story.

xoxox.jill

Thursday, January 25, 2001
01:37 p.m.

Josh and I went down to the rec center on campus to work out. Ouch is about all I can say. I'm going to get buff, I'm going to be lean and sexy. Well, that's my goal anyways. I went to the tanning bed lastnight, and that was lots of fun. A little pink, but nothing I can't handle.

Katy wants to go to Bongo Johnny's tonight. I don't really care to go, personally. Seeing how the funds are low, and there's no way I can drink anything, so what's the point? Going sober sucks more than anything. Maybe I can scrounge up $20 extra bucks, so I can get some in me. Who knows? I don't really need to, though. What's the point of working out if I'm just going to get all those empty calories back into my system.

Have a great night!
xoxox.jill

Monday, January 22, 2001
03:06 p.m.

So, who is this new guy? I'm sure you're wondering...
His name is Milton. You know, as in Bradley. But what can you do? It's not his fault his parents like to keep tradition with the same name in the family. He's 21, He'll be a senior next fall, he wants to be a pharmacist. "I'm going to be a drug dealer...with legal drugs." A cutie, indeed.

I hope something comes out of this. I really like him. And not like I really like all the other guys. But I really like him. I don't want to look at anyone else. I don't want to see what else is going on when I'm with him. I know this is going to be a heartbreak waiting to happen. I can feel it, but any chance at love is worth a little heartbreak. Of course he did say that he's never been in love before. I said I have, atleast in massive lust/ infactuation. But there's a first for everything.
But I'll tell you one thing. I'm going to take my time with this boy. I'm not going to get too envolved. Not too physical either. If things happen, they aren't going to happen like with Matt. I only knew him for a week before we went at it like crazed rabbits. It will be different this time. Heck, who knows if I'll even wind up going out with this guy? Hrmm...I hope so though!

xoxoxo.jill(again)

Monday, January 22, 2001
03:04 p.m.

My friend Meghan Dawn sent me a wedding invitation! Her wedding is on Saturday, February 10. I'm excited for her!

So, I met this new guy. I met him Friday night at the Kappa Alpha party. We had to take him home because Griff (his ride) wanted to stay and get some booty. So, we went to Waffle House after the party, around 4am. Afterwards, we took this guy home. Earlier that night I told him that we were going to go to Oxygen on Saturday night if he wanted to go with us. He got my number and said he'd call me. Then we took Tim back to the KA house and tucked his drunkenness in bed and left some bread, Advil and Water on his night stand.

I would just like to point out that this entire weekend, I did not drink. Thank you, thank you.

So, Saturday comes and Katy and I wake up around 1pm. She goes home, does some things, I stay at home, and do some laundry and little things. Finally this guy calls me. Whoo! We talk for over two hours. Good conversation too. He's a complete smart ass, just like me. He's a fun loving, caring, could possibly be sensitive kinda guy. He says he's going to go to Oxygen and I told him I would call him around 11, or so. -Time Passes- Katy gets off work around 11- I finally get into the shower to get ready. We pick this guy up around 12, go down to Oxygen. Katy and I were so not in the dancing mood. It's just that time, you know? I saw Andy down there. He was being an asshole. I don't really care to talk to him anymore, either. We danced, he's a good dancer, we drank (water, anyway). It was fun. After Oxygen, we were going to go and hang out over at Kurtis' house. So, we drop this guy off at UC too. But he walked over to Kurtis' house with me, and we stayed there for a moment or two. We ran into Mike Musgrove, too, on the way up there. That was kind of awkward. We left Kurtis' to go back to his house to play on the Play Station. After getting my ass beat for an hour, we decided to watch The Breakfast Club. Well, kind of watched it. See, earlier that I night I told him that I wasn't going to kiss him because he tongue ring freaked me out. Well, while we were standing in the snow, I lead in and gave him a tiny little kiss on the lips. He's so cute! Anyway, so we're "watching" this movie and when it's over, it's a little after 5 in the morning. Crack rock, I have to find Katybug. He comes with me, but Katy is passed out and there is no way on earth I will be able to wake her up. This guy offers to let me sleep at his place, with pajamas, and blankets...How could I deny that? So, I go back there, we make out a little bit more, but that's all. No going down the pants, or shirt, or me down his pants, but I did play with his nipple ring... It was a little too scary for me to play with too much. He set the alarm for me to get up at 9:45, and he woke me up when it went off. He was damn tired and fell right back to sleep after waking me up. I kissed him bye on the cheek; he just smiled a little in his sleep. He's so cute! He has a six pack, and oh, that's just an orgasm right then and there. He's 5'11", brown hair, and brown eyes. He has the cutest smile and makes me laugh so much.

Yesterday he called me around 2, and asked if I wanted to go to a late lunch, I told him sure, but it'll be a little later since I needed to take a shower and stuff. So, around 4, I called him and said I'd be right on over. We went to Logan's to eat and then went to see CastAway. It was a really good movie. Then we went back to house and made out. It's like being in 8th grade and have a crush on someone. It's so great!

Today he called me after class, and I talked to him for a bit. He's going to call me again when he gets out of the Fraternity stuff. CoolBeans. Jonathan called, though, while I was on the phone with him. He's at work right now, he asked, "How'd your date go last night?". "Uhmm..I went to dinner, it was good." What on earth do I say to that? Buah- Jill has been busted. Not that I was planning on seeing Jonathan anymore, other than friends, but still...it was weird. I told this guy all about that, and he was like, so you're dating this guy too? And I said, no not really, we never went on a date. Bleh, I don't know. He didn't seem to care.
My worries? concerns? I'm afraid that he's going to toss me aside like I did with Andy and Jonathan. Hrmmm...No fun with that. But he says things like, "I'm going home in three weeks, so when I come back I'm going to bring you this something or another." when I knew this oldies song on the radio and started singing to it, "Yeah, I'll have to keep you around for a while now." I said "'Til next week or so, anyway.", "I was thinking more around Thursday."

I may just ask him to go to this wedding with me. Who knows?

Still no luck on a job. Still broke like no other. Want to send me money? Go for it!

Be good, stay safe, and stuff like that.
xoxox.jill

Friday, January 19, 2001
05:00 p.m.

Having a piece of apple lodged in your throat sometimes prevents you to update. I was in the emergency room for a little over two hours lastnight, so I appologize for not updating the rest of my story. However I will continue my story now...

I was talking to Jonathan when I saw my brother's friend Ben sitting a few tables away. I walked over there to say hey. Of course Ben was like, "Aren't you too young to be here?" All of Stephen's friend's think that I am still 14. Then I saw Adam. My brother's friend since Elementary school. I have had a crush on him since then! I danced with him! It was the best experience ever! I even gave him a teeny tiny little peck on the cheek when we were done. How great was that!? My life is now complete!
While I was Dancing with Adam, Jonathan came up to me and yelled in my ear, "What the hell is your problem! You fucking ignore me all damn night and then you're all up on some other guy!!" I looked at Adam and was like, "I guess I'm going now.." I yelled back at Jonathan, I don't remember exactly what I said, though. Something or another about how it wasn't any of his damn business who I was dancing with and that I stood there and talked to him for over an hour. About that time he took my car keys out of his pocket and told me to, "Find your ass another ride home. I'm leaving with Valery!" Imagine this now, my beautiful car keys being thrown into a sea of dancing drunk people, then hitting the floor causing my favorite keychain to shatter into a trillion pieces. I just stood there, staring at him. How could someone be such an asshole? How could someone take something that belongs to someone else and destroy it, with no regret. About two second after my keys hit the floor, he left. I turned to Katy and in just about tears asked her to help me find my keys. She picked them up, and gave them to me. I put them in my pocket and went off to find Jonathan. How dare he walk away from me! First, though, I saw Dave and Iesha, I talked to them and they were being drunk and difficult. Dave took my keys and told me not to drive. "Dave, I am drunk! I am NOT going to drive! Give me my keys, I have to find Jonathan because HE IS GOING TO drive me and Kate home!" After repeating that several times, he gave them to me. I walked out the door and to my car. I saw Jonathan and yelled for him to come here. I told him that he will be taking me and Kate home and that he better not leave us there. He told Valery that he was going to take us home and then he was going to go home. After that, I yelled at him. "How dare you come up to me and yell at me! Who do you think you are?! Don't even start pulling boyfriend moves, don't you dare go there!" "I'm sorry!" "Shit! I fucking left Katy in there!" I went back to the club and Katy was walking down the stairs. "Where'd you go!? I thought you left me!" "Oh, Katy! I wouldn't leave you, I had to find Jonathan so we could get home!" We walk back to my car and I just sit there, I give him my keys, I'm just about in tears I am so mad, so upset, so frustrated! I called Andy to see if he'd come get me, but he'd already gone back to Franklin, so it would take him about 30mins before he'd be there. I told him that it was alright and to just call me in the morning. We go back to Jonathan's aparetment, and I vaguely remember the next half hour. I remember sitting there, being mad at him. For some reason we decided we were just going to sleep there. I layed on the big couch, and katy on the small one. The next thing I remember though, was being in Jonathan's room talking to him about what all went down. I told him not to try and pull a boyfriend card. Nothing pisses me off more than when guys do that. We fight a little bit, and then we kiss. Of course we do. Jill's drunk- what else does Jill do when she's drunk than kiss people? I'm a hooker, it's now official. We kiss, I pass out. I wake up at 11, wondering if Jonathan got up for his 9:30 class. I open my eyes and see that it's 11:00am. I roll over to see if anyone was there. I was alone. I get up, tell Katy to start waking up and then after a few minutes of looking for my keys, making the bed, gettig a drink of water, and going to the potty, we leave. I left Jonathan a message to call me when his classes were over. He called, things are weird now. I haven't really talked to him much.

Of course Josh blames me for the fight. And I do see that. Jonathan did go there with me, and I'm sure he didn't expect me to be dancing with other guys. But I never dance with one person the whole time I am there. What fun is that? I don't have a boyfriend so why should I act like I did? I have my fun, and no one is going to stand in my way. I'm 18, I'm going to do what I want to do. I don't want anyone standing in my way. If that bothers Jonathan, then he doesn't have to stay around me. I'm not asking him for a relationship, I don't want that. I don't want that with him, anyways. Maybe I'm actually starting to be picky. But I guess Josh is right, I do lead guys on. I shouldn't kiss them, I shouldn't hug on them, but that's just how I am. I'm a very touchy person. I hug Josh all the time, I'm just affectionate- but Josh says that if a guy likes you, and doesn't know that you are like that, they read it in different ways. But why should I hold myself back? BLAH, this is just crazy.

So, I still have a piece of apple lodged in my throat. I have an appointment with the throat, nose, ear doctor on Monday. The little snotty reseptionist wasn't being the sweetest girl in the world, and I just barely held my tounge while she was bieng a smart arse. Hmm, I'm trying.

Still no luck on a job. I'm going to a few more places on Monday. If I don't get a job soon. I will go to a strip club. No, I'm kidding...

What is up with the birds flying into my bedroom window? Every few minutes there's a "thump" and a little birdy turning around, embarressed.

It's snowing again. I can't wait til warm wheather.

xoxox.jill

Thursday, January 18, 2001
02:34 p.m.

Whoo! What a crazy night!
Okay, this might be long, this might be boring, this might irritate the hell out of you. And if youre tired of the whole What-Jill-did-while-she-was-drunk spiel, then I suggest you go here and find yourself something else to do. Okay? Okay.
Lastnight we decided to go to Bongo Johnny's because it rules. Katy comes over and we're getting ready. I'm completely hyper. High strung- spazzing out cracked out of my mind, that's what I was lastnight. Have you ever seen Eddie Izzard? It's a Brittish comedian who dresses in drag occasionally? He has this one skit when he's talking about Bee Keepers, and he screams, "Wait! I'm covered in Bees!!" It's really funny, trust me. So, for some strange reason this skit is running through my head so I'm jumping around the house screaming "I'm covered in bees!" Everything I did, it was becauseI was covered in bees. My hair won't curl right, it's because "I'm covered in Bees!" Trust me on this, folks, it's funny stuff. Say it now, all together. In a Brittish accent- just amuze me, please. "I'm covered in Bees!" See how funny that is? Oh, it's okay, stop laughing now and continue to read.
Katy and I get ready so we head over to Jonathan's house. (Yes, I realize that I have misspelled his name a trillion times now. No, it is not a hard name to spell. Yes, I'm still cracked out of my mind.) We coax his roommate and his girlfriend to go, even though he's a complete a-hole. But first- we need some drinky drink. Who do you call when it's past ten and you can't buy liquor- HALEY! So, I tell him I'll give him money for his crown he bought the other night. Coolbeans. So, we head on over to Haley's rapist pad- and get the stuff. LA LA LA <-Thats us driving to Haley's.
We're at Haley's- we're getting ready to take a few shots and he pulls out the GHB. As tempting as it was, I refused. No need for Jill to die and everything. Moving right along, a few shots later and we leave to go to Bongo Johnny's. Fun Fun Fun. So, we get there and head straight for the potty. Jill has a tiny bladder and just can't take having too much drinky drink in it. So, we're busting a move to the potty and I'm already feeling it. On our way out, Katy starts talking to some guy she new back in the day of elementary school. Some random guy starts talking to me, so of course I talk back. I don't even remember the conversation but I do remember that I was being rather funny. I do have tendencies to be rather amuzing.
I find Jonathan, he's talking to his friend from back in the day, and I get him to buy me (with my money that I ddin't want to use because I'm a broke ass white girl) a crown and coke. I sucked that baby down too. Ick. The ice was good though. AND I got a piece of minty fresh gum from Andy (we're friends now, but he tries to play it off like he doesn't like me and tries to make me jealous- wow, could i sound more full of myself?).

-- ...Blah Blah Blah- alot of boring yadda yadda stuff goes right in here including another crown and coke...--

So, I'm completely drunk now, and I see Dave for the first time since Christmas, and I kissed him! Because I drink and become kissing whore of america. (it's true, I have a cape and everything.) We've never kissed before and it wasn't even a kiss, it was a peck on the cheek, then a peck on the lips. Nothing to get all crazy over.

Wednesday, January 17, 2001
08:03 p.m.

Yesterday was calming. I made Josh spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and took it to him at the lab. Aww- don't you wish I were your bestfriend? Of course you do.
Katy rented The Perfect Storm, Scary Movie, and Coyote Ugly. I've seen them all before, and they are grand. Go to Blockbuster and rent them today. Oh- I was trying to be funny lastnight at Kate's house. Her mom had a bottle of champagne in the fridge, and I thought I would be funny, so I turned the bottle up and made the "glung, glung, glung" noises as the champagne poured all over me and the kitchen floor. I was a complete and total arse. I'm good at that.

I'm watching Temptation Island right now. In a way I don't want to watch it, but then I just want to know what ass holes guys really are. Hrmmm...guys being assholes? who would have thought about that?

>

xoxox.jill

Tuesday, January 16, 2001
04:41pm

Now it's time for funny drunk stories by Jill, Jessica and Katy:
People going: Andy, Andy's Roommate(we'll refer to him as Billy), Eric, Jessica, Katy, and Jill.
Location:starting off at Eric's house- moving to Bongo Johnny's.
When:Wednesday, January 10, 2001
So, we start out drinking at Eric's house. Jessica, Katy and I take a shot of Crown together. Jessica and I then took another and Katy had a beer. We jumped in my car (yeah, all of us) and drove to Bongo Johnny's. There Jessica and I had 3 shots of Tequila and then we were pretty darn tore up. Then, Jessica being her drunk self, decided that she wanted to take another shot. She took it- and now- well, last Wed is just a blur.
I kissed Haley (December 1 entry) and Jonathan (the guy I got engaged to on New Year's Eve). Andy got mad at me (he was trying to pull a boyfriend card- we're not seeing each other anymore). Jessica and I got into a huge fight (that no one remembers how it started or why), she got sick, threw up all night after Bongo Johnny's and I wound up going to Mike Musgroves to sleep. See, when I'm drunk and I get mad- I get mad at anyone who tries to take the other's side. I yelled for Andy to "get the fuck away from me" and that "I don't want you to fucking talk to me!". Needless to say, that was the straw that broke the camels back in our "relationship" if you even want to call it that.

When:Thursday, January 11, 2001
I wake up and realize that I'm at Musgrove's still. My head is killing me and I realize then, that Tequila is not my friend. I walk downstairs trying to remember where my car is. I find it. Get in, realize that I'm on E, and I have no money. I pray that I'll get home. And I do.
I go inside and I fall asleep, awaking to Jessica calling me and asking if we got into a fight...yadda yadda...this part of the day is boring.
Later that night... with alot of convincing and alot of advile later, we (Jessica, Katy and I) went to Adam's (ex-matt's roommate's) apartment. We drank a two shots of Jim and then we hit the road. Katy, Jessica, Adam, his friend, and I went up to Banana Joe's. By the time we got there, I was feeling REALLY tipsy. Drank a little bit more, had a guy buy me a shot of tequila and then I talked to strangers all night long. However, I did get a Cow Monkey. Cow Monkey is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. This guy had a blue stuffed cow he had won out of one of those claw animal grabber games, and I went up to him and asked if I could have it. He said yes if I would just give him a kiss, so I did. And that's when I gad cow monkey. The origin of his name? At first I thought he was a teddy bear, then I thought he was a monkey- but really, he's just a cow. My cow monkey. After Banana Joe's we took Adam and his friend back to their apartment. Where, I stole my shot glass I had bought for Matt when I was in Colorado back. Yes, that would make me a stalker. Heh. Crazy retarded night is what that was!

When:Friday, January 12, 2001
I get a phone call from Jonathan. Apparently I had given my phone number to him on Wed. He called me, and we talked for hours on and off. He's a sweet guy. I asked if he wanted to go to Oxygen with us later that night and he said he'd love to go.
Problem:Jonanthon works with Rob. Rob is Andy's roommate. (Oh, how Murfreesboro is such a small town!)
Jessica was working at Buffalo's. Katy went home and got ready, came over to my house and then around 10:30 we went to Jonathan's to get Jessica, but she was still working. We ran into Jennifer, Rob and Jason (people I used to hang out with when I was hanging out with David). I told them they should go to Oxygen and they said they'd meet us up there. After Jessica got off work, we took her home so she could get ready and Kate, Jonathon and I hung out in my car. We get to Oxygen and start drinking. I have 7 red headed sluts thru out the evening and we were all pretty toasted. After Oxygen we went to Jennifer's and drank a little more. We smoked a joint and just chilled and did wild and crazy things on the video camera. I hope to God that will be erased before any of become rich and famous. That could possibly do some damage!

...Saturday... At around 5:30am I took Jonathon home and we made out just a tad. I think I like him. When I sobered up enough to drive back to get Jessica it was 7am. I picked her up and we went to her house. Katy was passed the fuck out and there was no way in hell she was going to get up. Jessica starts to do laundry, packs a little bit and before we know it, its 10am. I go and pick Katy up, and go home to get ready for Cameron's (Jessica's little brother) birthday party at the skating rink. After skating on 0 hours of sleep, I was pretty darn tired. Jessica's flight left at 4:00, so we left here at 2. I slept for ten minutes. Katy had to be at work at 5:00, so we hurried the hell out of the airport. All of us were too tired to cry and be emotional when you havent slept. When I got home, Joshy called me and asked if I wanted to go to dinner with him and Jon. Of course I said yes. So, no sleep for Jilly.
We go to the mall, Josh meets Jonathon, we eat with Katy, we hang out. blah blah, lots of fun. I tell Josh what's been going on. Fall madly in love with HotJon. He's so yummy! I go home, talk to Jonathon when he calls. He wants me to come over, but I just couldn't possibly get my ass out of bed. I slept from 12:30 until 2:00 the next day. It was grand.

Sunday
I get a phone call from Haley. Apparently I told him to call me and that I wanted to do something on Monday. Well, I don't remember any of this, but he obviously did. Hmm..I told him to give me a call on Monday. Sunday we were going to go to Mikado's in Nashville, but the wait was too long. We wound up going to Applebee's and then we went to see Dude, Where's My Car. I must say that it was the most retarded, yet hillarious movie I've seen in a while. After the movie, we went back to Jonathon's and watched Autumn in New York. It was alright. I didnt get home until 4:30 and my mom was kinda ticked off.

Monday Haley calls me. We get together at 8pm. He gives me this stuff called G. Well, it's illegal and it kills people. And it's also considered a date rape drug. Of course I find all this out way after I take it. Nothing happened, so don't worry about that. I went to Jonathon's afterwards, and he told me all the lovely details.
Tuesday
Nothing has happened today. Yesterday I put out a ton of applications, and hopefully soon I will hear something from someone. YAY- Jill needs a job.

That's all, sorry this is so long, but now you're back on track with my ever so exciting life. So, does anyone know the number at AA?

xoxox.jill

Friday, January 12, 2001
03:49 p.m.

Not working is really starting to get to me. Well, it's getting to my parents, who are now getting to me. I'm going down to Best Western again on Monday. They just hired someone, so they're training her. Monday, though, I will have a damn job. I'll go anywhere. I need a job. I need money.

Jessica leaves tomorrow. It's ever so sad.

Funny drunk stories comming soon...

xoxox.jill

Wednesday, January 10, 2001
01:50 a.m.

The ear specialist thinks that surgery could possibly give back me back partial hearing. Fun Fun. I'm not too thrilled with the thought of having needles and weird things of the such poked into my ear. However, if I'll be able to hear, if just a little bit, I would be greatful.

I'm tired
So tired
Of having sex

So, I was thinking about putting an application in at Best Western. Paid $7.00 an hour, working 30-40 hrs a week. 3-11. It wouldn't disrupt my schedule and all. I could finally get my ass out of this house. I need out of this house. Josh told me today that he thinks I would be much happier after I leave all this stress behind. Who would have thought it would be that obvious?

I had a very bizarre dream lastnight. Ex-Matt and I were in a hot tub full of bubbles (prom night) getting it on. Well, after the whole ordeal, I was getting out and putting on clothes to go to some party. That's when Ex-Matt told me that he had some STD. I got so pissed off, and I demanded to know why he didn't tell me before we had sex. He said that he was afraid I wouldn't love him anymore and that I would leave him. Damn right. I woke up not too long after that, worried. Scared. I haven't been checked out for anything, I haven't been to my gynocologist since we've been broken up. I can't imagine having anything. We were both clean when we got together, so I can't imagine him lying about it. However, he did lie when he told me he loved me. Bastard.

Hrmm..my heart is sore, and I just can't find it in me to give up on boys. I'm just not looking so hard, now. Maybe mr. semi right for a few months will fall in my lap. I want someone with an accent, or with the name Jack. How cute would that be? Yeah, I'm corny.

xoxox.jill

Tuesday, January 9, 2001
12:30 a.m.

promises already gone
there's no escape
its said and gone
so keep your life forever young

its hard for me to discuss anything too personal here. i've come to the knowledgement that a few people from my personal day to day relationships have stumbled upon this. One being a friend of the guy I am dating right now. Hence the lack of writing about Andy. I also know that Andy has gotten ahold of this site, so it's hard for me to open up now and let all out. I know it's rather silly to not let the person I could possibly be getting into a relationship with not know all that is me, but I'd rather keep somethings private- and only reveal them to the people I will never see face to face. It's hard for me to let go of everything and let people I actually know see everything inside of me. Kiala being one. Katy being another. Josh the third. Other than those three, no one really knows that much about me. Just what I want them to know, and I think it's better that way.

There are somethings about Andy that I just don't life. They just don't agree with me. First of all, he has sworn twice in front of my mom, once in front of my dad. The first time he met my parents, he was disrespectful (he was on his cell phone when we were leaving my house new years eve, and didnt say goodbye or anything, also he said bastard in front of them). The second time he cursed he was asking to talk to me on the phone, when my mom told him I was taking a nap (after driving 7 hours from springfield) he said, "Well, shit, I need to ask her something." Never in my life have I ever had a friend of mine cuss to my mother. That pisses me off. Other than that, he's a great guy. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs ( I know- what am I thinking?). He's only had sex with one girl. He seems like a good catch. It's just that something rubs me the wrong way. I'm not sure what it is, though. Just something.

On another male note: I talked to Gabriel on ICQ for about an hour. He's taking this quater off from college and moving back home. He'll be here tomorrow night, I think is what he said. He asked if we were going to get together, and I told him sure, but look what happened last time. Katy andI went to go and see him, and He, his brother Matt and his friend Matt were all higher than kites and didn't really pay us much mind. He appologized and promised we'd get together and hang out. I said alright. He asked if I was seeing anyone and I told him not really, and he said good. Whatever that means. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't get back with Gabe, not for the life of me. I'm completely over that. Hell, it's been three years since we've broken up, how could I still be in love with him? He reminded me of our little "get together" this past summer. Heh. I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but we "got together" this past summer. Both a little intoxicated, but it was great fun. Not that I was adding numbers to my list, he's my first, and second to last.

Josh saw his exgirlfriend today, while on a date with Amy. Bless his heart. He's still not over her. Personally, I cannot stand the girl. He's been broken up with her since July, and he still cant get her out of his heart. She told him once after he told her how in love he was with her, "I think I might love you soon." What kind of bull shit is that? Whatever. He's a sweetheart and I hope he'll find someone that will love him like he did her.

I'm proud of Kiala. She's such a strong and amazing girl. She has gone through hell and back with guys, but I know that she'll find someone worth it one of these days. Just keep smiling, things will definently go your way, if you hold on for one more day. Yes, I had to throw in some Wilson Phillips in there :) Love you girly!

Tomorrow's plans? Going to the doctor, getting my emmissions tested, getting new tags (possibly a personalized plate- heh, i'm a nerd), applying at a few places (maybe), coming home and taking a tiny lil nap (maybe) and going to kobe's japanese steakhouse, again. yumm.

talk to you chicas and bois later :)
xoxox.jill

Monday, January 8, 2001
09:27 p.m.

I went to the doctor, he's sending me to an ear, throat and nose specialist. Fun fun. I have an appointment tomorrow at 8:15 in the friggin morning. Lots of fun.
MTSU's classes started today. Whoo.
I haven't done anything really today. I'm going to put some applications out tomorrow, I need more money. I'm always broke and needing money. Maybe if there is a lawsuit, I'll have lots of money. Heh.

I'll let you know what's going on with my ear tomorrow.
xoxox.jill

Monday, January 8, 2001
07:00 p.m.

Lets take a trip back to new years eve…
There wasn’t jack going on around here, so we decided that we would just head out to Oxygen. Jessica, Katy, Andy and I all went. We got there a little bit before midnight, enough time to get beneath the balloons, and catch some money along with free drink passes. We drank plenty of tequila, kissed plenty of friends and had tons of fun. At 3:30, we left and went to Steak-n-Shake, then back to Jessica’s to sleep the morning away. So far 2001 is treating me well.

I don’t have a whole lot to talk about really. Nothing has been going on. Jessica leaves on the 13, and as horrible as it is for me to say, it’ll be nice to have it back to just Katy and I. Andy and I are not going to see as much of each other anymore, I don’t believe. The two times he’s talked to my mother he has cursed. That’s just a turn off to me. Completely.

Illinois was lots of fun. Springfield is just so quaint and beautiful. There was 14 inches of snow! 14 inches! I have never seen so much snow in my life! We partied a little bit the first night, enough tequila to make me do snow angels in my bathing suit. It was completely grand.

I need a new job, I need to get out of this house. Katy and I are thinking more of March, now, to move out. She wants more money, and I need a better job before I try to get out of here. I’m going to keep praying about it. Then we’ll go from there.

xoxox.jill

Sunday, January 7, 2001
09:47 p.m.

Anyone that has ever had the pleasure of meeting you knows that you are the greatest, kindest, most loving, thoughtful, appreciative, most lovable person they will ever get to know. I know that someday you will see all the beauty that you possess inside of yourself. I love you, Kiala. So many other people do too. I know that a broken heart hurts more than a broken bone, and I know that it takes months to heal, but I also know that the pain does go away, and you will be a better, stronger girl.

When you gonna love you as much as I do?

xoxox.jill

Friday, January 5, 2001
01:34 a.m.

I'm leaving in the morning for Springfield. Road trip with Katy and Jessica. Fun Fun Fun.

I've been dating this guy Andy for a bit now- I guess it would be called dating, really we just hang out. I don't know where this is going- but I hope it doesn't go too far. I'm not really in the mood for a relationship. I'm not ready...

I kinda told Josh that I was falling in love with him. I'm not sure anymore. The thought of kissing him doesn't sit well with me.
Speaking of boys, there was a guy I used to talk to over ICQ a few years back that emailed me the other day. He's gotten super hot. He went to Father Ryan, and lives in Nashville, he goes to MTSU now. How cool.

Not a whole lot is going on, really. I went to the doctor yesterday, he put me on lots of medication to see if that would help my ear...I go back on Monday, so I'll let you know.

I'm gonna bust a move to bed, now. Xoxox.jill

Thursday, January 4, 2001
01:59 a.m.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I hope you guys are having a great start this year. I'm trying to. There's been alot going on lately, and I appologize for not having time to update.

Just a brief update on things: I was in a really bad car accident. I busted my right ear drum and I can longer hear out of it. Whoo- fun, not really. I may have to have surgery, if it can be fixed through that.
Katybug is back home,thank God. I missed her tons.
Christmas was grand, I loved it tons, and it was great to be around family.
New Year's Eve rocked! I hope yours did as well.

I'll update more, I promise- I'm just bleh right now.

What were your new year's resolutions?
-Stop Slacking!
-Smile more
-Gain control over my life
-Find a church and attend regularly
-Love more

I want to know yours. So tell me.

love you guys!.xoxox.jill