Friday, December 22, 2000
04:05 p.m.
Yesterday was just grand. Want to know what would have made it better? Katy being back home! I miss that girl! It's weird going to clubs with out her- and having her sleeping over at my house! Hurry home, nerd girl!
Yesterday morning I semi babysat Brooke. I watched her as much as possible in between falling asleep on the couch. I couldn't stay awake for the life of me. I called Jessica back at around 2:30 and she told me that her grandmother had to preview All the Pretty Horses- so that's what we were going to do at 6:30. It was alright- pretty random, I thought, though.
Afterwards,we came back to my house to get ready. I called Josh to see if he was still going to go with us, he told me no. I decided to be bitchy to him- so I kind of yelled a little and told him I was really mad at him. Yeah, I suck. I guess Jessica's bitchyness is rubbing home. Once again, GET YOUR ASS HOME, KATYBUG!
I called Eric and his friend Andy, and they said that they would go with us. Great. So, we finally get to Banana Joe's at 12:30, and we're pretty buzzing. Well, Jessica and I are. We dance tons, the whole night, drink two more beers, and then dance some more. We saw Kate's old boi- Jade. Yes, he is as hot as ever, and I'm mad that he can't remember my fucking name! JILL J-I-L-L! It's not that fucking hard! Whatever, though! Jessica danced with him. I wasn't supposed to say anything, but yeah- we all know that I can't keep secrets. We also saw an old fuck buddy of Jessica's. Daniel, is his name, I believe. One of Matt B. and Brian's friends. He told her to give him a call when she got home. Of course she did too, but to my surprise, she didn't go over there. Hrmm...
Anyways, we take Andy home, and No, damnit! No #4 for me! I did kiss him, though. It was like a peck on the lips, but he pulled away because I was kinda drunk. Which is sweet, but I want my #4, already!
Well, I finally get home at 4:30 & there's a note on my chair saying that Dave had called and it was urgent. Oh Lord, someone's died... I'm the most positive thinker, it's true. Anyhow, I call him back and he wants me to come over. Good Lord, child- it's so late- and my mom was kinda pissed for me coming home late smelling like beer and cigeretes. Whoops. I tell him I'll call him back in a few. I did, and I wound up going over there until 7:45. I come home and sleep. What is this? Still no #4?! I know this. But I saw Katy's boi Robbie, who asked "Is Katy back from Florida yet?" -"Nope, not until the 30th." -"You guys should come with us for New Years." Go Katy, Get busy with Hot Boy Rob! :)
Dave called me today and asked what I was doing tonight. I want to go on a real date with him- but ya know, what can you do?
I still have to get Jessica's and Katy's presents finished. I'd tell you, but Katy reads this :) Sorry chica! You'll love it though.
Well, I'm out, cause it's hella late and I'm still in my pajamas. I hope youre enjoying the sun, Katybug! The snow is lovely here:) MISS YOU!
xoxox!!jill
Thursday, December 21, 2000
03:04 p.m.
I MISS YOU KATYBUG!
Are you happy little nerd girl? I really do miss you tons and I cannot wait til you get your ass back to Tennessee so you can party with me again!
This will be short because I have no time to write right now. I'm about to see All The Pretty Horses with Jessica, and then we're going up to Banana Joe's. Don't worry Kate, I won't have nearly as much fun as I do with you. Why you may ask. Well, because you don't BITCH about everything we do. I told Jessica that we wouldn't go up there til around 11- and she's like what the hell? that's so late. No, that's just TN for you- nothing will be going on til then! BUAH!
Anyways, I have to bust it. I'm bleeding like a stuck pig and I have cramps worse than anything!
I know you care:)
xoxox.jill
Wednesday, December 20, 2000
11:53 a.m.
Jessica is back in town. I've hung out with her alot this week. We went to Stampede's Sunday night, the day she got in. We drank alot and had tons of fun. She won $130 in a swim suit contest that I forced her to enter into. How does she like that peer presure. It was lots of fun. Dave, though, was completely drunk and kinda annoyed me. Same with Monday night too. He drank a bunch and tried to get into a fight with this guy. Josh and I were just weirded out by it. Other than when he drinks (too much) he's a great guy. Josh said that he's still ify about liking him or not. I am too.
He came over lastnight, though, and watched a movie with me. He's the sweetest thing in the world when he's sober. I just don't know why he gets all crazy when he drinks. He appologized a million times for Monday night, and I told him not to worry about it. I don't know exactly what my feelings are for him.
Josh has a date tonight. I'm excited as if it were my own. He seems to really like this girl, so hopefully this will be his motivation to get over super bitch slut Emily.
Skip (guy I went out with) is a stalker now. How I find these guys I will never know. He keeps asking me to go out with him again. A girl can only avoid a guy for so long, you know? I don't know what else to do, without hurting his feelings.
Well, Christmas is in only a few more days and I still have tons of Christmas shopping to do. I'll get it done though, I always do :)
Tonight's plans: Going to Wal-Mart, getting a picture blown up for mom's present- Going to Buffalo's for 25cent wing night- going cyber bowling with Dave. Whoo
have fun kiddies.
xoxox.jill
Sunday, December 17, 2000
01:24 a.m.
Friday night was strange. Kate and I went up to Banana Joe's and it was completley dead. We got in free, got a wrist band, danced about three songs, then headed back to the Boro. We went to steak and shake- and that guy from Buffalo's, David, called around 3:00. He asked if we wanted to come over, and we did. We hung out there til nearly 6:00am, went back to my house- then to Katy's to pack. Left for the airport at 9:00 and I have yet to go to bed.
Josh and I went up to Buffalo's to see Dave- he had gotten off already- so we went to Santa Fe to eat. Chilled at Wal-Mart for a while, waiting for Jessica to get in. She still hasnt. But it's late, and I'm tired, and I can hardly keep my eyes open. So, I'm gonna bust it to bed. I have lots of details I want to share- just probably not until tomorrow or Monday.
Take care you little ones :)
xoxox.jill
Friday, December 15, 2000
12:35 p.m.
Lastnight was completely awesome. We went to Banana Joe's (if you're going to Nashville, go there). First of all, I'd like to say that Kate was late- we drank Captain Morgans and coke- and I'll add that it was like half a can a coke with about 4and half shots in it, which is enough to make me feel like a crud bucket right now :)
We got there, went in, Eric's hot friend Andy was there. Whoo. We danced alot. And I mean tons, enough for me have a huge blister on my foot. Kate danced with my exboyfriend Tim- they kissed. Am I mad? Wouldn't you be? Yeah, I think so. Anyways, so she comes up to me and she screams, "3!" Then I scream out, "You dirty lil' hooka!" Yeah, it was funnier there.
At 3am it closed so we went to Andy's apartment for like two minutes. On the way there, who get's pulled over? Yes, that would be us. Eric is driving, I've got shotgun and Kate's behind me. We're all saying oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit. The cop comes up and says, "It's getting a little late, don't ya think?" And Eric's like, "Yeah..", The cop:"Are y'all all 18?" Eric:"Yeah..I'm 21-22, I'm 22." He hands the cop his ID. "Alright, I guess I missed judged y'all. Y'all have a good night." Then, I, being the friendly drunk says, "Thanks, you too!" He was half away from the window, turns back to us and says, "What?" Then I repeat it. He walks away..
Yeah, that too, was funnier then.
Who got my number? Andy got my number and said he'd call me today. Whoo! Who's a pimp, Jill's a pimp."
Right. So, guess who I got an email from today? Matt. I know you want to read it:):
Hey! Thanks for introducing me at Buffalos. Im just kidding, I did feel kind of weird because I dont know his name. When is Jessica getting into town? Adam and I arent leaving town except for Christmas. Tell her to at least stop by and say hello. Have you made your schedule/ are you still going this spring? Well, I gotta study for my last final. Tell everybody Merry Christmas for me. Cya.
me
As soon as I got this, I called Josh. I read it to him and just laughed. I was like why does he care when Jessica is coming into town? He didn't even like her. Josh said it was so he could write about anything. He also said that using him worked. Oh yeah, He wants me.
All in all, I guess I'm not over him. Even if he does have a full beard and looks like he's 30. I'd shave him, and clean him up, and then he'd be the cute, wonderful, sexy boy I used to know and love.
I replied to him and said that his name is Josh- when Jessica is coming in, and small talk like that. Then I told him that I hope someday we can be friends like we promised each other we'd be, and go running sometime together. I told him I missed kicking his butt in the knock out game on nintendo. And to have a great holiday.
Yeah, I'm a nerd. But I still love him. Now I will be getting my hopes up very high and then they will be crushed when I find out that he really has a girl, when I only pretend that Josh is my boy. Heh- sucks to be me sometimes.
Tonight's plans: Going to see Dude Where's My Car?, hopefully going back up to Banana Joe's with Josh (Katy's Josh) and a bunch of his beer drinking friends. Whoo. Another drunk night. This will be the last one with my Katy bug. Aww..I know..But Jessica is on her way! :)
Y'all have a great, safe night:)
xoxox.jill
Thursday, December 14, 2000
02:15 p.m.
So, yesterday was fine. I went with Katy, Josh and Scott to Buffalo's. Angela (who I used to work with) came up and told me that Matt and Adam were at the bar eating. Hrmmm. I wanted to say hey to Adam, but I didn't want to be a super stalker or anything, you know? So, I just sat there, at our table, and didn't say a thing. After a while, he came up to our table, said hey and yadda yadda, a little bit of small talk. I felt weird with Josh there again. By now, I'm sure he thinks that he's my boyfriend or whatever. That's alright, I hope it hurts him. Buah, no I don't. But I could, damn it. Our waiter was super cute. We were paying for everything and I give him my credit card- it's maxed out. Ouch! I know this! Right around Christmas too! I have no clue on how I've maxed that thing out! This sucks, alot. Anyhow- I was going to leave the waiter my number, but after that, I was just too embarassed. Katy, however, thought it would be cute if I wrote on my little slip "I'm not really that cheap." with my number on it. I laughed and was just humiliated. It sucked more than anything in the world! I left it, though, cause I'm a nerd girl. Serisously, I won't be surprised if he doesn't call. I wouldnt call me.
So, I'm in debt. I'm seriously in debt. I suck.
I'm not doing a thing tonight, besides avoiding Skip's phone calls.
Oh, I watched the Green Mile lastnight. Cried like a little baby. I recomend that movie to everyone. Very touching.
see you.
xoxox.jill.
Wednesday, December 13, 2000
03:10 p.m.
In all honesty I'm dreading the return of Jessica. The three of us, Katy, Jessica and I, went up there together. We took her to school, and left her. Heavy heads and sad hearts, we got on that Greyhound bus and came back to Tennessee. Colorado is so far away from here. Things have changed between us all. She, moving on in her life, taking control and making huge changes into adulthood, Katy and I holding on to what we've always known, scared to grow up and have responsibilities. When we left for Colorado, I had my life in check. School, boys, family, friends. Everything was working out for me. When I came home, though, things turned upside down. I haven't talked of my trip to Colorado much, because when I came back home, that night, after not seeing the love of my life for two weeks, well, he broke my heart into, and nothing else seemed to matter. When we left, we hung out with Matt, Adam and their roommates. We smoked weed, drank beer and that horrible east Tennessee moonshine. We were all getting booty- me with Matt, Jessica with her random guy, Katy with someone else. Things were perfect. Life was simple, life was easy- my biggest worry was how I was going to pay for all the cute clothes I bought for the trip.
God, I miss her. But I'm so scared too. What is she coming back to? Her family, her friends- but I'm all that's left. Katy'll be in Florida with her dad, everyone else is just random see you later type of friends- Matt, Adam, Wes, and Chapman- Gawd- I havent even seen the latter three in months. Should I throw her a welcome home party? Who would really come? Who really cares? I'm scared that she's going to come home and we're going to have nothing to do. We wont do what we used to do- she'll hang out with my new friends, friends she doesnt know, do things the two of us never did before. I'm scared that she'll go back to Colorado and remember why she went so far away to school.
I want to go back up there with her. I want to move up there with her. This summer she and Wendi are getting a house. I want to get a house with her. I want to be a part of her life, forever, and always, I don't want her to forget us. I don't want her to forget me.
I'm scared of being lost in memories and only remembered with a smile.
Whoa- this is a strange entry. I appologize.
Wednesday, December 13, 2000
11:16 a.m.
I know youre all dying to know how the date went. Well, it was alright. We met up at Cracker Barrel, and I had a cup of coffee, with about twelve packets of sugar in it, and a side of mashed potatos. Yumm. He went all out and ate dinner. We talked, he said I have beautiful eyes, asked if I still wanted to watch a movie at his house, I said yes. Face it, I'm too nice of a person. We go back there, watch a movie, throw darts, listen to some music and then I leave. It wasn't a bad time- just not good enough for a second date. Yes, I know, I am shallow.
I'm supposed to page him today- but I won't more than likely. He asked if I still wanted to go shopping with him- and I said yeah, but uhmm...I probably won't go. I suck, thanks, I know this.
I was dreading the date (as if you couldn't tell) and I said jokingly to Josh that I wish my car wouldn't start so I would have an excuse not to go. Well, my battery is dead, and my car wouldn't start. Heh. So, I took my dad's car, and got a flat tire on the way home, nearly wrecked, nearly died, it's was horrible, and I about peed my pants.
Hotmail is being a punk.
After being completely self absorbed for a while, I'd like to give my sympathy and regrets to Patrick. I wish you, her family, and the rest of campus the best of luck in dealing with this horrible tragedy.
xoxox.jill
Tuesday, December 12, 2000
04:48 p.m.
I only have an hour and a half before this ever so dreaded date- and I still haven't gotten ready. I haven't even had a shower. I'm nervous- I'm hesitant to even show up. But I don't want to be a bitch. I just pray that this won't be unbearable. Gimme a few shots of anything, and maybe I'll be able to get through it.
Ughhh. I'm getting in the shower.
I blame my dread on Surly and all her horrible dates on my fear of a long evening. Who knows, though, I could be surprised and have a great time. Afterall- he do have alot to talk about, and I have met him before. BUAH!
xoxox.jill
Tuesday, December 12, 2000
02:27 p.m.
Sorry about yesterday- but some things just cant be helped.
Saturday night we got some beer, drank really fast and then headed down to Oxygen. The second Katy and I walked on the dance floor, some guy grabbed a hold of my arm and started dancing with me. He told me that I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, so I laughed and asked him how much he had been drinking. He showed me his hands and told me that he was only 20 and that he couldn't drink. I just laughed some more. Then he started freak dancing with me. I'm talking about bouncing me on his knee- pretty sure I just left him dancing alone. I ran over to where Josh was standing (because he doesn't dance). I told him about it and just laughed. I told him that he's supposed to look out for that kind of crap.
I saw Dario- this guy I always see. He's a cutie and a really good dancer. I love dancing with him.
After that we went to Katy's friend's apartment. Drank a little bit more and then went home. Katy drove, so don't worry.
Sunday, we went to the Bethlehem Market Place at my old church. It's really awesome. I love going. At first you sit in the sanctuary singing Christmas songs, and just having a great time. Then you walk through Bethlehem, there are guards walking passed you, people in prison, goats, llamas, sheep, children at play, bread and water girls. There is a guy that's selling fresh fish, cheese and the like- it's really cool. At the end, there's Mary and Joseph with the baby Jesus. It's a good experience. When I used to go to church there, I was in it. It's a cool thing.
Then that night, we went to the Applebee's Christmas party. 3 captain morgans and a few beers later- I was pretty laid back. I kind of flirted with Tiffany's boyfriend- but she was too drunk to notice. It was a lot of fun- I'd have more stories if I could remember more.
Yesterday Josh and I went to the mall- we ate at Applebee's and then went to Wal-Mart, the bank and of course since Matt was working, we stopped by there (Josh needed gas, damn it!). I walked in and was like hey, how are you? You like my new car? (Josh's 99 Jeep Cherokee) He was like, that's yours? I said yea, and he was like damn that's nice. Then Josh came in and bought some gum. Matt got weird, and wasn't talking that much. It was fun. Yes, I am a big nerd girl, but I love it and you do too, damn it.
Today is my big date with Skip. I don't want to go now. I hate dates, they all go bad, and I'm so shy when I first go out with someone. We've talked on the phone forever and ever and ever, and have long, fun conversations, and I have a good time- but now I'm just waiting for it to be bad, more like shity.
That's all for now,kiddies. Be good and all.
Xoxox.jill
Saturday, December 9, 2000
04:03 p.m.
So, I could tell you about the horrible night that I had- but what's the point? We didn't go to the KA house- we didn't drink- we didn't do jack shit. Mike called me, I got pissed off, pretty much got off the phone real quick with him, and then I overheard him calling me a stupid fucking bitch. Hmm, that's going to make me like you. I got an email from him today, too, which all in all said that he's going to back off this whole wanting to get me into a relationship thing. Good.
Josh called this morning. He kissed Chandra. One down- one to go. Katy has two down- three to go, and I have three down- two to go. Yeah, we have a kissing bet going on. Who's winning? Me, of course, the kissing whore, as Josh calls me.
I talked with Jessica today. She's hung over. Bless her heart. She'll be home on Saturday night, I cannot wait!
I bought two books the other day online- Past Perfect Future Tense by Patrick Norton and The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides. So, yay, I'll have something to do late at night when I can't sleep and everyone can.
Tonights plan: Drinking, Oxygen, Dancing.
Have fun, kiddies, be good.
xoxox.jill
Friday, December 8, 2000
01:25 p.m.
Katy had neo.fight.night lastnight. Zeta said all the new members had to stay- so that meant Katy wasn't coming to the Beta party with me. Of course I'm not one to show up by myself- so I didn't go either. I was really looking forward to going too. Oh well, I talked with Josh lastnight and oh he made me so mad. He was talking about how Chandra is just falling madly in love with him, and I told him that he wasn't the type that girls just fell for (and I didn't mean it in a bad way at all). So then he says, "I happen to remember a certain email..." Ugh! How could he bring that into it! After all this time, get over it! Okay, so I sent him this email a long ass time ago telling him that I had a crush on him (this is when I first met him), and well, he never responded or brought it up- until lastnight. punk.
Tonight is the Kappa Alpha party. Whoo. It's going to be weird, and it's never that much fun unless I'm being intoxicated. No worries with that, though. I plan on getting tore up from the floor up. I've got to get my other two kisses in before the month is over.
Jack has been happening. I haven't been up long enough for anything to of happened. Just Kate coming over to get her car- Josh waking me up- and Mike calling to see what I was doing tonight. Sorry, chum, I've got plans. I'm so mean.
This sucks- tomorrow there shall be a story- a story about how drunk I got and the stupid things I did. Yeah- I know- oh oh, I do have a little story about what a nerd I am. My brother's friend's friend called me lastnight. We talked for like an hour. He lives in Mephis right now, but he'll be home for Christmas break. Well, we're going out Tuesday night for coffee. Not that I've ever been out for coffee- where do you go? I know it's not the Waffle House- or IHOP- do you go to the Golden Gallon and stand by the little coffee maker? I dunno, but this shall be an adventure. Are you excited? 'Cause I'm just scared. I'm decided that I don't like first dates anymore. People just dissapoint me.
Updates: No I haven't talked with Haley if you're wondering. Mike has emailed me and left several messages that I've ignored. Yet, I did talk with him for about ten minutes this morning. I did get another email from HotBoy Ohio and I think I shall post that now:
cool. I sort of knew about his website, but not really. what is his webpage
address? do you know?
well,
anyway, i have to go to a rehearsal, I have a play this weekend. Take care.
xoxoxo,
Thom.
why be good when bad can be so good.
Oh baby, I'm in love.
It's amazing how much I can write when nothing is going on. Take care, boy and girls, and have a wonderfully safe and productive weekend. Actually, just get tore up and have fun (safely).
xoxox.jill
Thursday, December 7, 2000
01:49 p.m.
What's this? Another eMail from hot boy Thom(I love the way he spells it, too!):
Well- my reply yesterday first:
"well heck- i just had the finest guy in all of ohio (i think that's where
kenyon is) email me. i must be dreaming.
Thanks and yadda yadda for all the cute things you said.
We could have beautiful children someday.
xoxox.jill"
Yeah, I'm a goober. Now- the man of my dreams:
"haha,
that's hilarious. well, you have me blushing, i will admit it.
So how did you stumble upon the Phi Kapp page anyway? How'd you know Patrick?
well, I have to go to bed now, I pulled an allnighter last night (ughk).
We undoubtedly could have beautiful children someday, but until that day, I'll
have to settle for fun emails :-)
xoxoxo,
Thom."
Oh baby!
Lastnight Katy came over so we could watch Dawson. Yeah- it was a rerun. Felecity was great though. It just makes me want a boy I can fall asleep with, though. After watching tv, and eating a quick bite, I thought I might actually take a shower. I put on some sweats (you know how I like to pimp it) and off to Kate's we went. On the way out there Scott called and asked us if we wanted to come to a party. Sure...seeing how we both look like shit. We go out to Kate's and she takes a shower, I dry my hair, find some clothes of Kate's and then tada- Jill is pimpin' it. Or something like that. We drive out there, throw back a few and then a 2x4 and I'm getting my buzz on. Raymond is there. I know I've never talked about Raymond, but we used to work together back in the day at Buffalo's (what I wouldnt give for some wings right now!). Anyhow, we used to flirt and I'd tell him that I was in love with him, and how we're going to get married and yadda yadda. Anyways, I've always had this little crush on him, but when we worked together, I was with Matt. Well, as soon as we got to this lil get together happy birthday thing- I went to Raymond and said , "Now I know where you live- It's over now." Blah blah, I'm getting to the good part- we kissed lastnight. ICK! I know- it's RAYMOND! What the hell was I thinking? Now the whole flirty thing is oging to be weird and I can't say I love you anymore and stuff...and Katy and Scott kissed. Gawd- if Jessica knew- she'd shit her pants!
For some reason I have a slight hangover. Maybe it's just from coughing so damn much.
This entry sucks, and I want some buffalo wings and mashed potatos.
xoxox.jill
Wednesday, December 6, 2000
04:24 p.m.
Josh and I watched Down to You lastnight. If you're still slightly heartbroken- or just single, I advise you not to watch this. Mainly because it makes you depressed, secondly it makes you have dreams of your ex.
I went to this party, Katy and I, at Matt's apartment. Although it was entirely different than it used to be. We got there, drama was going down everywhere, and then as we were leaving, I told Matt to come and say bye to me. He came outside with a videocamera (Josh and I were talking lastnight how we both wanted one). Apparently he wanted to video tape this or something. This other girl came out too, a friend of someone or another, I never really knew. Anyhow-Matt wanted to know why we broke up (Yeah- he broke up with me.) I told him because he wanted to. He said no, there was a real reason for it. I asked what. He said for me to tell him. Well, he gave me hints like Murray, a hot tub, him asleep on the couch- and well, kiddies, we all know what that equals.. Okay, if you don't it equals when I accidently cheated on him. Okay- before we get all "Jill sucks" let me explain. When I drink I become the horniest and most retarded person in the world. I kissed this guy Rob in Murray, when I went to visit Matt one time this past summer. I suck- thanks, I know. Anyhow (I'm so bad at telling stories), I denied it and blah blah, then I woke up. I missed him this morning. But I don't right now. I just want some booty, and someone to love.
Oh, the other day I emailed this guy:
I got to the Phi Kappa Sigma page through your brother Patrick Norton's
webpage. I just thought that you would like to know that you are sexy. damn fine, actually.
I promise that I'm not a stalker- just bored.
There's a huge difference.
Anyways, I'm gonna bust it.
Be good, take care, and God Bless!
Happy hollidays
xoxox.jill
I got his reply today:
Hey Jill,
I too am not a stalker, but I figured, "hey, she's got a picture of me; it's
not fair unless i get one of her." So...Pat Norton e-mailed me a picture of
you. And I must say, you are pretty damed sexy yourself. quite the hotty.
I guess I must be bored of doing work also.
well, anyway, take care.
hugs and kisses,
Thom.
Oh yeah- who's a pimp!
I'm a nerd, it's true.
Kiala is worrying me. I know she'll only tell me not to worry, but how can I not? I miss her so much, and I love her tons. I just pray that things will work out for her. I hope she'll stay the same strong and beautiful girl I know that she is, during this whole ordeal. Good luck, chica! I'm here for you, no matter what! You know this!
That's all for now.
xoxox.jill
Tuesday, December 5, 2000
03:24 p.m.
I cannot even imagine that Christmas is in twenty short, expensive days. Do you guys even realize how incredibly broke I am? Think your poorest moment and multiply it by thirty-seven. Yeah, it's pretty bad.
I talked with Joshy. He stayed out til four-in-the-friggin-morning with this chick. Oh yeah, I don't like her anymore. I told him that he's leading her on, rubbing her neck, staying out forever late with her- what's a girl to think? (I know this, because I went through it too.)
"You can't rub her neck and tickle her ears like you do to me. She'll think that you like her. See, I just know that youre madly in love with me- so i just take all your actions of trying to get in my pants with a grain of salt."
But maybe he does like her (and this is when I change my mind on liking her) but just doesn't know her well enough to make that decision. He's nothing like me- I kiss alot, face it, I'm a lip whore, and then I figure out if I like the guy.
On a not so related note, and eMail I got from Mike (kissing buddy):
"
ok this is one of those two part type things so please bare with me. ok i
dont want to lose you at all or anything, and i know that you are sick and
dont feel good but i have a question. ok like for the last week or so i
havent really talked to you because since like friday i have had something
on my mind. like when you said you would call me back fri night, excuse me,
saturday night, when you said you would call me back, you didnt. and then
tonight when you said you would call me back you didnt. im just wondering
if you dont want to talkt ome because there is someone else or what. i
mean i know you are stressed out and all but i just have to know. i was
worried about the letter you sent me because you said you still have
feelings for matt. i now know that you wouldnt go back with him and all but
im just wonering if there is someone else. you said that you didnt want a
relationship because of the stress that comes with it and now isnt a good
time fo ryou because you are stressed out with ur dad and all but i guess
its just me. ive been through a situation like this before and got screwed
over. but whats up with us. you want me to be patient with you and i fully
will, seriously. i am just worried about losing you. yes its probably
stupid that i think that but if you knew what went on through my head you
would understand. and for some reason i think you could figure out whats
going on through my head.
ok enough of that, anyways, i hope your feeling better and everything. oh,
if ur feeling better, i was wondering if you would come over thursday
night. i get off work at 1030 thursday night and if you wanted, i would
come get you after work and then we could go back friday. if not then thats
cool but i was just wondering ya know. well, i feel really stupid now so i
think im gonna go to bed. i hope you get this soon and write back. take it
easy babe. bye for now beautiful.
xoxoxo mike"
Who sucks big time? Jill sucks big time! Want to help me? Want to come and just shoot me so I don't have to deal with this? I don't mind, really, I don't. Just email me and I'll tell you where I live. I'll even drive to you,s o you won't have to waste the gas.
Going to bathe- I hear that's a good thing to do daily. Be good, little ones.
xoxox.jill.
Tuesday, December 5, 2000
10:17 a.m.
I'm completely and utterly obsessed with surly . Yet not in that stalker type way. I went to the compluter lab to prent her journal out- so I could lay on the couch and die rather than sitting in an uncomfortable chair. Anyways, she is a great read at 12:30am- or anytime, really.
I met the not so infamous Chandra (Josh's flava of the week) lastnight. I like her, mainly because I don't feel threatened by her. Although if Josh is still dating her in two weeks- it'll be off. She's a cutie and talks alot= think the world of my boy- but I just dont see them working out. Josh got off work at 12:00 - I left then- I told him to call me, seeing as I had juicy information for him. Well, I get home and call him ('cause I'm impatient), he's still with Changra. Call me- no its late- just come over. Alright- it's turning two soon, I call, "Bring some honey-lemmon cough drops too, the door is unlocked, I just took some more nyquil so you may have to kick me in the forhead to wake me up." 5:00 rolls around and I wake up. Where in the hell are my cough drops?! I have yet to talk with Joshy. No- I'm not bitter, just suck. Buah Buah.
Not an amazing story for you. Sorry.
Ah well
Kate called at 8:30- I was supposed to run up to Nashville with her. I didnt though. I feel bad. I do that alot- back out of plans if I feel too tired/ or just not in the mood. Should have gone though.
I have a confession to make: This guy Mike (my kissing buddy, sometimes) is starting (or has forever) to really like me. Whenever he's in town on the weekends and we get a little drunk we always have these relationship conversations. How he wants one with me- Iyet I saw I'm just not ready. But the truth of the matter is- that I just don't want one with him. Yet me0 being the dumb hooka I am- tells him to be patienr- but dont sit around waiting for me. Buah Buah. I know I am leading him on- and he'll be crushed when I feind the testicles to tell him- but I've gotta do it. Somehow or another, I've got to let him know. But I cherish our friendship- buah buah- I suck.
Thermoscan reading : 98.9 - I think I'm going to make it.
Whoo! Out to dinner with Josh! Oh baby oh!
But now it's time for pepsi and waffles. yummm...
xoxox.jill
Monday, December 4, 2000
04:31 p.m.
I love these journals:
http://surly.diaryland.com
http://dirtydirty.diaryland.com
http://hushed.diaryland.com
See what dayquil does to me? It makes me chatty, and when everyone else is in school right now- I update like no body's business. I talked with Stuart (met him at http://restless.org/cellulite/cgi/ubb and is the cuties little ausie i have never met) on ICQ today. Love that kid. I'm bored, and I want to tell you my whole day detail by tiny detail:
Jill:
i see how it is :P
if i'm such a psycho- why'd you give me your address? i could just fly there and stalk you- but yeah, who has money for that?
:P bleh, be good, and thanks :)
Stuart:ha ha, maybe I wanted you to stalk me :-p Pity about the money though hmm.
hehe.. bye ;)
If I could find his picture, I would post it. He's a sexy sweety. One of those guys you flirt with nonstop. I love internet crushes. Yes, I'm a nerd.
goodbye for the day. i'm going to try to do something productive.
xoxox.jill
Monday, December 4, 2000
03:20 p.m.
101.3
i'm dying. i want to move to diaryland. i just don't want to move. yeah- i'm cool.
Monday, December 4, 2000
01:59 p.m.
I was thinking about putting a who's who page somewhere. But I don't really talk about that many different people. Of course I probably think that because it's my life- and I know who is who. Oh well- maybe if I get bored enough. (Which is probably soon.)
I picked Josh up at 12:10 to go to Santa Fe to put in applications. He said I sound horrible, I look like crap, but my hair is really shinny and pretty today. Alright. We then went to the dollar store so he could get his boss a cheap present, then across the street to McDonald's. I didn't eat much- because it hurts too much to swallow.
I've been coughing up nasty mucus. I don't have a fever- although Joshy insists that I do. Mom bought one of those ear thermoscan things. I check my temperature every twenty minutes. 99.5 right now. Possibly I will have a fever. But I'd hate to tell Josh that he's right.
I told Josh all the reasons why I don't like Haley- I'm bored, so I'll tell you too.
-He didn't open the car door for me. Not even from the inside.
-He didn't let me keep my ticket stub.
-He didn't offer to turn the heat down/up, he didn't even ask if I was comfortable (I was burning up).
So, yeah- he sucks. But he did say he's sorry I'm sick and that he hopes I fell better. I got off the phone with him lastnight and he said, "I'll talk with you later", which means "I won't call- you won't call- but if we run into each other in town, we'll be civil." Yeah- I know how guys think. Occasionally.
99.4
I'm alright. I'm sick- I'm going to lay down on the couch.
love you guys:).xoxox.jill
Sunday, December 3, 2000
06:18 p.m.
quick updates. thanks to kiala- I stole the scroll bar thing. and the bold words are links. thought you'd like to know.
yeah- I LOVE YOU GUYS THAT SIGN THE BOOK!! you rock!
Sunday, December 3, 2000
05:48 p.m.
I have broncitus. Yes, I know I cannot spell.
We went to that party lastnight, in the same complex that Matt lives. I didn't see him. I didn't think of him. I rock, yes I know.
Apperently I was being "rude and bitchy", yet I was "the coolest girl" there. I just voice my opinions and I don't back off. My girl Kiala knows that I get loud when I drink! Anyhow- stayed there forever, drank forever. Josh didn't come- not a big surprise, I gave him a guilt trip for kicking me to the curb so he could go out with Chandra again. Even though he doesnt even like her. But whatever. Oh- I got into this huge arguement (the reason that I'm a bitch) about how black people are more athletic compaired to white people and how white people are smarter than black people. Oh my gosh, so I had to break out with the "My dad is black" line. It's funny, because anyone that knows me or has even seen my picture knows that I'm the whittest TN girl you can come across. But I'm tired of all this black and white issue crap. It's all about genetics, it's all about evalution. Nothing to do with the pigment of your skin. In the words of Kiala- BUAH!
I gave my number out to two guys lastnight. Why? 'Cause I'm a pimp. It was so funny. I love hanging out with guys- I love being one of the boys. I can hold my own in a fight.
Lastnight was fun. Thursday is a Beta party, Friday is a Kappa Alpha party, Saturday is Oxygen night and Sunday there's an Applebee's party. Saturday morning at 8:00 am I have to proctor for the ACT's. How I got this? I don't know. Why I decided to do this? Jill is a broke lil' girl. I need money- and this is an easy $70.
Two weeks today til Jessica gets back. I'm excited, I'm not. On the 29th or 30th, her friend from CSU is coming down here. Whoo- I'm happy, I'm not. Kate will be in Florida with her dad from the 16-30. I'm not excited about this. Who gets to be taxi driver? Jill. Whoo- no thanks.
Sorry, I'm drugged up on Dayquil and Nyquil! The best part of being sick!
be good y'all.
xoxox.jill.
Saturday, December 2, 2000
07:25 p.m.
I wound up going to Oxygen lastnight. Loads of fun. There weren't that many people there, but we danced alot. This one guy, Chris that I danced with was a cutie. I saw Haley across the room and I was going to say hey to him when I went to get a drink. I went up to him and say hey and he was asking what we were doing and yadda yadda. Then I saw him a few minutes later- and what was he doing? Dancing with super slut girl. This girl and her friend (who was now dancing on the bar showing her girls to everyone) were freak dancing and just being nasty. Of course Haley is going to dance with her. I just laughed, pointed him out to Kate and she just laughed. Later, Chris asked me if we wanted to go to a party with he and his fine friends. I told him I'd have to ask Katy and then I'd let him know. They were all about to leave, I had to coax Kate into going, but she finaly did. We had fun, kinda. I was called a whore from this one guy because he wasn't going to get any. Some guys are just ass holes. That's the way it is sometimes, though, I guess. We traded numbers and that jazz- he lives in Knoxville, so it's not like I'll be seeing him alot. But still, he's a cutie and really sweet.
Joshy called me today after he got off work. I told him all that happened lastnight and asked what went down with he and told me nothing. He didn't even kiss her. "I didn't know if I wanted to or not." Yeah, just make me to be the slut, Josh.
He told me that he told his parents about the suicidal tendencies he has. He was at Burger King with them for an hour and a half. No one eats at BK for that long. I worry about that boy. He was driving to his brother's house- and I told him I'd call him back because mom had gotten back with dinner. "I love you." "I love you too, Josh." "And the only reason I nag on you so much is because I care." "Aww, Josh. That's sweet." "Talk to you later?" "You know it. Bye."
He means the world to me.
Tonight we're going to this party across the parking lot of where Matt lives. We all know (or should know by now) what will happen if Jill drinks and goes to this party. I'll think about Matt, call him, ask to see him, go over there, break my heart and shoot myself in the forehead. Well, not the latter, but still. That's why my Joshy is going to protect me.
In other news- it's snowing. The first snow of the year. It's 40degrees outside and it's snowing. You have to love Tennessee weather.
Have a good night. Be safe.
xoxox.jill
Friday, December 1, 2000
10:50 p.m.
new guestbook. sign it. let me know who you are. love you guys.
Friday, December 1, 2000
10:13 p.m.
I'm dying. My throat is closed, I can't breathe through my nose, I can't swallow- I can't eat, I feel like I'm going to throw up. This is going to be a lovely weekend.
Kate's at work. Josh is on his date. I call him. "What are you doing?" "Eating at Olive Garden." "Yumm.." "Yep, are you sick?" "Yeah, I'm about to die- alone." "Aww, where's Haley?" "In Nashville, he called me." "That's good." "Yeah, but I don't like him, I don't think." "You just like what he can do for you." "Not totally true- I don't like it that much." "Oh, okay." "Well, call me later" "Okay. Be good." "Sure thing. Bye."
Jealous. What is wrong wtih me? Okay, yes, I don't deny the fact that I love him. I'm not in love with him, though. I just want to be him, I want to be at Olive Garden with someone that I can talk to for 6 damn hours in one night, I want someone to hold me. I need someone to do this. I'm not good at being alone.
Katy and I are going to have to go out tonight. Gawd- I haven't even gotten out of my pajamas. I'm a cracker.
I love this background color. I promise that I'll totally change the format someday. But right now, this is easy and familiar.
xoxox.jill
Friday, December 1, 2000
04:32 p.m.
Lastnight was interesting. Haley is, well, Haley is a soap opera type of guy. He knows all the right things to say, at all the right times. He didn't seem natural.
The movie was wonderful. We saw The Grinch That Stole Christmas. He put his hand on my knee. I felt nothing. Well, not nothing, but just the I haven't had any in a very long time- but still, it wasn't magic- it wasn't that burning, tingling sensation that I used to feel.
Movie's over- he asks what I want to do. Go home, call Josh, go to bed. I tell him whatever he wants to do- he laughs. Oh, God...get me out of here...
I called Katy on the way to the liquor store. He took the phone from me, and gave me this long, hard, passonite kiss. "Now you'll have something to talk about."
"Katy- what the hell?! He just kissed me, walked inside the store! Help me..." Of course all I hear is Kate laughing at me. "I hate you, call me later." Haley comes back out to the car with a bottle of wine. He tells me that the guy asked him if he could sell him some lortabs. Of course I pick another crack head! We go back to his house and I start drinking. The faster I drink, the better. The sooner things start coming out of my mouth, the better.
I sit on the edge of his bed, he sits on the couch in his room. Distance is good. Katy calls, I walk with her for a few minutes, then I tell her to call me back. Haley asks if he should cut his phone off. I tell him not to because I don't want her to be mad at me. The truth: I wanted to be interupted. I'm getting a good, healthy buzz going on.
Katy calls, she wants to go to Oxygen. I tell him, he says that I should go with her. I get my clothes on, I leave. He tells me to call him when I get out of Oxygen and come over. I said I would. I go home, call Kate- she can't find her liscense, I tell her I feel like shit. We don't go. I don't call Haley. I may call him later today. I may not. If he wants to go out again, that's cool. It doesn't matter to me. There's not going to be very much passion there. I need passion. I need spirit and I need conversation. I don't have that with him. But I won't write him off, he's still there, I just won't be making much effort.
He's no Matt, that's for sure.
Josh called me today. He talked to this girl for 6 hours lastnight. Am I jealous? Of course, I am. He says that they are going out tonight. I said, "Just break my heart." He told me that he doesn't think he likes her like that. He was telling me there's nothing to be jealous for. I want him to find love- I want him to be happy, I just want that too. I'm selfish, I know.
Hope you like the new layout. It's festive.
24 more days til Christmas.
