Thursday, August 31, 2000
07:35 p.m.
I wish I could just forget about Matt. Just every tiny little thing that we ever did, said, or felt for each other, I wish all the memories and feelings would just disapear, magically, overnight, and I would have no recelection of him in my life.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am not bitter towards him in any way. I care greatly for that boy, and I wish nothing but the absolute best for him. I hope all his wishes and dreams come true, and for him to be happy. Really happy with his life. I'm concerned and I care- that's why it hurts me so much to see him making the same mistakes that he has over and over again. I suppose all I can do is keep praying for the boy, and pray that he will take the control in his life that he needs to.
Moving along though, work sucks. No it doesnt. I love my job and I love the people that I work with. There are a few new guys that I've met at parties, or just at University Courtyard. So it'll be cool hanging out with people I really know at work. Katy is working there on Tuesday and Thursday nights. So that's two nights a week that I don't really have anything to do. Heh.
I babysat Cameran (Jessica's little brother) lastnight. He's such a sweety. We played basketball, then I put him in the bath then to bed. He's such an awsome little boy. Connie and Ben came home around 12:30, and Katy and I talked to them for a bit. I think we're going to visit Ben this weekend while Connie is at work. Or course it will be weird partying with him and without Jessica there. He told us we could crash there if we ever needed to. He's a cool fella.
I talked to Jessica a few days ago. She's already adding her numbers up there! I'm kinda dissapointed in a way. She hasn't even called me since she's been there. I've called her everytime. Well, it's been on her cell phone, which isnt long distance for me- so whatever. I wrote her yesterday. I just havent put it in the mail yet. I'm bad about that.
Katy and I are going to kick it at UC whenever she gets off work. Fun. Fun.
You kiddies be good. And Joshy- come see me at work!
xoxo.jill
Monday, August 28, 2000
04:50 p.m.
Here's a quick email I sent to Kiala to update her on the ever so wonderful life of mine.
Kiala,
So Katy and I are moving out into University Courtyard in October. Whoo, lots of fun. You can go to www.universitycourtyard.com and see what the plans look like and all that greatness.
Not alot is going on. This weekend was alright. We went to Greek Row and there were alot of parties. Saturday night Chris Naugle, Katy and I went to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner and then Katy and I went back to UC and hung out all night. It was pretty fun. Yesterday we went to church and then pretty much stayed at UC all day and night.
Today we went to UC and got an application and are going to put that and our $20 application fee in tomorrow, hopefully. Then our $300 deposit, along with our first months rent. It's only $385 a month, and that includes Electric, Water, Sewage, Local Phone Service, Basic Cable TV, Washer/Dryer, Dishwasher and Microwave. So thats a really good deal. I'm excited.
I still havent talked with Matt. I don't really mind either. It kinda sucks, but oh well, ya know?
There are a few guys I've been hanging out with. That guy Eric that I went to a movie too. He's really nice and sweet, but I don't think anything is gonna happen from there. Chris N. took me out, but I dragged Katy with me so he wouldn't think it would be anything more than friends, and there's this guy Jamie, which could possibly be a prospective stalker. Then there's his roommate Kurtis. I like him. He's really cool, and he's going to start working at Buffalos. BUT- I dont want to date anyone else from work because of Matt working there, too. Ya know? Hrmm..I just don't know what to do. Other than find a hottie ('cause there's trillions of them) at UC.
:)
Well, thats the update, I guess. I work the rest of the week, so I dunno if I'll write until the weekend.
Miss you girly! love you tons!!
xoxo.jill
Saturday, August 26, 2000
12:11 p.m.
Matt and I have been broken up for a week today. Sad.
I had a date on Tuesday night, I think it was. I had fun. We went to see What Lies Beneath. Eric is a really sweet and fun guy. Quiet, though, so that's strange.
I'm doing alright. I only saw Matt once, and that was lastnight. He's going home for the weekend and I wrote Danielle a note to give him
"Matt, Hey, have fun this weekend. Don't forget to give those rocks to your dad! xoxo.jill"
Danielle said he smiled and got all happy when she gave it to him. Danielle didn't even know we were broken up. Everyone else at work seems to know, tho.
Lastnight was the Greek Row party. EVERYONE was there. THe love of my life, Jameson was there. I've loved him since 3rd grade. He gave me all his numbers and I gave him mine. I doubt he'll call, and I doubt I will too. I saw Jessica Y. from work there. She called me at 10:30, asking if I could come in because she has a horrible hang over. It's alright after noon, and I still havent gone in for her. Oh well, tho, she said she couldnt work for me tomorrow morning, and I really wanted to go to church. BLAH.
anyways, I need to get ready.
take care, 'cause i am :)
xoxo.jill
Tuesday, August 22, 2000
12:48 p.m.
So much has happened. My life feels like its being torn apart.
Have you ever gotten to that place in your life, where you think everything is almost perfect (but perfection is unreal- so this is the greatest thing), and then out of no where, someone comes along and they tear your life into pieces. That's my life right now. I thought that everything was great. I felt that my life was really taking mold of something. Then Matt comes to me, tells me that I'm too good for him, that I need to go out and see what else is around. Of course, then he tells Angela at work that the feelings aren't there anymore, that he cant keep all this up.
Then why was he the first to say "I am in love with you"? Why was he the one making this into a serious relationship? Why am I the one to always get my heart broken?
I put everything I had into this relationship. I gave it my all. I loved him and I treated him with all the respect, love, care and admiration I had in my body. Look where that got me, though.
It was hard for me, in the begining to trust him, but I did. He promised he'd never do anything to hurt me. He promised he'd always be here for me. Promises just don't seem to mean that much these days.
I'm strong, though. I'll survive. Life will go on, and there will be other boys in my life. It still hurts and sucks though.
all for now. can't type very well with tears. xoxo.
Sunday, August 20, 2000
09:31 p.m.
well, i'm back from CO. i miss jessica.
matt broke up with me lastnight. "you deserve better than me."
bull shit.
i'm going to a party tonight. mtsu starts tomorrow.
i'm working 3-closing, with matt. we'll see how it goes.
i love that boy as much as life. we'll see how things go.
xoxo.
Tuesday, August 8, 2000
09:22 p.m.
I'm leaving for Colorado at 5am. I'll be back around the 21st. Have fun, y'all. Be good. I'll see ya when I get back to TN.
LOVE YOU KIALA!! GOOD LUCK WITH BAYLOR!
Tuesday, August 8, 2000
09:22 p.m.
I'm leaving for Colorado at 5am. I'll be back around the 21st. Have fun, y'all. Be good. I'll see ya when I get back to TN.
LOVE YOU KIALA!! GOOD LUCK WITH BAYLOR!
Saturday, August 5, 2000
10:24 p.m.
I've been at work since 10:17am this morning. I woke up at 7:00am, and went to sleep at 4:00am. Needless to say, I am tired.
Jessica and I went to see Coyote Ugly lastnight. It was pretty good. I would go in the daytime, tho. Just because it's cheaper. Then at midnight Matt, Adam, Serena and I went to The 'Boro (bar&grill) lastnight to hear JP (a guy at work) and his band play. They didn't play til 1:00. Anyways, hard core punk band. Not my thing. They were really good tho. At 2:00, we walk back to Matt's apartment and I put my jammies on, wash my face, tell everyone goodnight and go to Matt's room to lay down. Matt comes in there (and by the way, he's really drunk and just being moody and shitty to me) trying to be all lovely and touchy feely with me. I'm not feeling it, but we have sex anyways, well, for a bit anyways. I was like, yo, I'm tired. So we stopped, and he slept as far away from me as he could on that queen size bed. I cried myself to sleep.
The second time I've cried myself to sleep in Matt's bed.
This morning I woke up at 7 for some God awful reason. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldnt. I guess Matt was awake or something, 'cause we started talking...I don't really remember. We had sex again this morning. Still wasn't feeling it.
I worked with him for the first time since he's been back, tonight. He didn't even say two words to me until I was leaving. I wrote him two notes, like I usually do, and still when I had to go back into the kitchen, he didn't even look up at me. I know he's busy, but I was too, I still found time to go b ack there and be like "hey, sweety". Even when he did look up, I'd smile, and then he'd just look down. We're having problems. What they are, I dont really know, but I do know that I am not communicating well with him. But he can kiss my butt.
"Remind me again, why I'm going out with an asshole?" I asked Matt M. (A server at work). "'Cause you want to make me jealous, you sexy bitch." (That's my nickname at work).
Anyways, I'm just tired, cranky, annoyed, sleep deprived (which falls under tired).
I had fun, tho, at work this morning. We weren't that busy, and I love the people that worked in the morning.
Blah.
Matt, Katy, Jessica and I are planning on going to church tomorrow. It's been FOREVER since I've been and I just feel horrible about it, but obviously not horrible enough since I still don't go. Anyhow, tho, I doubt Matt will go, because "When I smoke pot, it makes it hard for me to get up in the morning, so call me at 10." -"No, I'll just let you sleep, I'll call you after church." -"Fine whatever." -"See ya later, Matt." -"Bye."
We're such a loving couple.
Four more days til I leave for CO. I'm sad.
xoxo.
Friday, August 4, 2000
12:58am
This is funny.
I fell asleep around 10. It's nearly 1am, I just woke up. I'm bad about only sleeping for a few hours at a time. I need some type of sleep aid, or something. I have two Kava Kava pills, an herbal muscle relaxer. Taken. Lets just see how long it takes me to get sleepy.
I called Matt when I woke up, a bit ago. He thought I went to the lake with Jessica, that's why he didn't call. He had a good day at work, it seems. He asked if I were coming over tonight, I said no. I asked if he wanted to come over tonight, he said no. Apparently we're just really tired. It's going to be weird tho, we both decided, sleeping alone tonight. I miss him already. Usually we just kiss each other alot and fall asleep still in mid kiss.
Hmmm...Hungry? Run out to the nearest grocery and pick up a regular size canister of sour cream, regular thing of cream cheese, a packet of taco powder sause stuff, mix well, spread out on a cookie sheet, layer lettuce, tomatos, cheese, and use tortilla chips to dip. I think I'll make that for the boys tomorrow.
Matt wants to go play pool tomorrow night. That's cool, I guess. We're going to a movie in the afternoon. My treat. Poor boy is broke, poor me, I should be saving for CO. My parents will give me money, tho. I want to buy something for Matt while I'm there. Maybe something for their house. A shot glass, or neh, I have one from Texas that hasn't been used yet...
My face has been super broken out lately. Just horrible. The past two days I've been using Cleocin T, and it's helped alot. Taken the redness out, its a good thing.
I'm in a random mood.
Plans for the day:
-Going to sleep
-Waking up and getting ready
-Going to Matt's and making yummy food
-Going to see What Lies Beneath
-Getting cute, and going to play pool with Matt, Wesley, and Adam.
Throw some sex in there at random places. Maybe a trip to the tanning bed, too.
Have you heard the Christina Agulera remake of Eminem's The Real Slim Shady? Go to Scour.com, and get a copy. I heard it on the radio a few times, very funny.
Blah, I can't even type right now.
xoxo.
Thursday, August 3, 2000
06:08 p.m.
6 more days until I leave for Colorado with Jessica and Katy. We bought our Greyhound tickets today. 80 bucks to get from Colorado back to Nashville, TN.
I know that I talk about Matt way too much, but I can't help it. Yesterday I was at his house and all of the sudden I just got upset about everything. I was reading Maxim Magazine in his room, and he comes in there asking me if everything is alright, I of course tell him yes. What could I say? "No, baby, I'm just really sad..." "Why?" "I don't know..." What's the use of making a silly conversation about that? So I was just being antisocial, laying on his bed, he got a little upset that I brushed his concern off so easily. I got my purse, shoes, and keys, and headed for the door. "I'm gonna get going, I'm really tired.." Matt walked outside the door with me, I kissed him bye, and he asked again if everything was okay, "Yes, baby" I told him, "I'm just sleepy."
I went home. Packed a few things, took a muscle relaxer and headed back over there. An hour later, I was on his couch, kissing him. I'm so weird sometimes.
Lastnight is probably one of my favorite nights with Matt. We fell asleep naked together, but before we fell asleep I asked him to tell me a story.
"One night after work, my friend Adam told me that we were having a party at our dorm room..a few girls and everyone was going to hook up. When we got to the dorms we just sat around, smoked some drugs, except one girl. She was going to pick up a girl from work later and didn't want to do anything until she got back. Finally the other girl, Katy shows up. We're just sitting around, drinking a little, smoking a little, just having a good time. I started talking to this one girl, she was really sweet and just a lot of fun to hang out with. We started playing this card game that I hadn't played in about 4 or 5 years. She talked alot of shit, but still kicked my butt in it. After challanging me to drink and chug beer, she got a little sick. She went into the bathroom and got sick for a while. Then she came back into my room and passed out on my bed. In the morning, we woke up to my neighbor banging on the door and he asked me what all went down. I told him nothing. We all went to eat breakfast, except for that one girl. I realized how much fun we had the night before so I got her number from her friend Katy and asked her to go to the movies that night..."
I asked him when it was that he started falling in love with this girl.
"One night, after she had broken her ankle and had to stay in, I was over there and found a piece of paper with a poem on it, I knew then that this girl was very special and was someone that I wanted to spend as much time with."
After that we just kissed, said our I love you's and fell asleep in each others arms.
Tips for the day:
Chocolate syrup=a big mess.
Don't get shot in the eye :P
Your butt is an out hole only.
It is possible to choke and die during oral sex.
oxoxo.jill.
