Monday, October 29, 2001
12:14 a.m.

I'm here in CO. I want to go back to TN. Justin is with a girl now. Yay, thanks for telling me BEFORE I get here. I'm just sober at this "party" for me...and I'm bored. Yup. Sucks to be me.

peace out

Wednesday, October 24, 2001
07:46 p.m.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if my dad just finally did it. I'm tired of all this "talk". "You'd be happy if I finally just killed myself." I've finally gotten to the point of say, "Well, I guess there's just one way of finding out, huh?"

Maybe I am a horrible daughter. Maybe I don't give a shit about anybody else other than myself. Of course, there is that slight possibility that I'm just tired of all the bull shit in my life and I'm ready for people to just stop laying it on me.

I guess I'm just going to do my little bitch fest. I come home tonight (where I am right now- my parents) to do some last minute laundry before I go home (my apartment) to pack for Colorado. I ask my dad to look at my camera (because it's broken, naturally) and he's asking me all these stupid little questions. "Where does the battery go?" "how long has it been messed up?" "why dont you buy a new battery and see if that's what it is?" I have a short temper. I can't stand it when people ask me too many questions. I'm a bratty bitch. It's true, atleast I know this now. I'm secure with all my horribleness.

On a totally unrelated depressing for me, but not for you note: I think Justin is ignoring/ blowing me off. Hrmmm...this is awful for me, but not for you. Infact, I don't really care. I know already that I've gotten my hopes up for this entire week that I'm up there. Nothing is going to happen, and more than likely I won't even kiss him. He probably has a girlfriend by now, and just hasnt told me BECAUSE he thought I wouldnt come back out. Bleh...woe is my shallow self.

Peace out...I'm just not in the mood...

See you when I get back on the 1st.

Wednesday, October 24, 2001
07:46 p.m.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if my dad just finally did it. I'm tired of all this "talk". "You'd be happy if I finally just killed myself." I've finally gotten to the point of say, "Well, I guess there's just one way of finding out, huh?"

Maybe I am a horrible daughter. Maybe I don't give a shit about anybody else other than myself. Of course, there is that slight possibility that I'm just tired of all the bull shit in my life and I'm ready for people to just stop laying it on me.

I guess I'm just going to do my little bitch fest. I come home tonight (where I am right now- my parents) to do some last minute laundry before I go home (my apartment) to pack for Colorado. I ask my dad to look at my camera (because it's broken, naturally) and he's asking me all these stupid little questions. "Where does the battery go?" "how long has it been messed up?" "why dont you buy a new battery and see if that's what it is?" I have a short temper. I can't stand it when people ask me too many questions. I'm a bratty bitch. It's true, atleast I know this now. I'm secure with all my horribleness.

On a totally unrelated depressing for me, but not for you note: I think Justin is ignoring/ blowing me off. Hrmmm...this is awful for me, but not for you. Infact, I don't really care. I know already that I've gotten my hopes up for this entire week that I'm up there. Nothing is going to happen, and more than likely I won't even kiss him. He probably has a girlfriend by now, and just hasnt told me BECAUSE he thought I wouldnt come back out. Bleh...woe is my shallow self.

Peace out...I'm just not in the mood...

See you when I get back on the 1st.

Wednesday, October 24, 2001
07:46 p.m.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if my dad just finally did it. I'm tired of all this "talk". "You'd be happy if I finally just killed myself." I've finally gotten to the point of say, "Well, I guess there's just one way of finding out, huh?"

Maybe I am a horrible daughter. Maybe I don't give a shit about anybody else other than myself. Of course, there is that slight possibility that I'm just tired of all the bull shit in my life and I'm ready for people to just stop laying it on me.

I guess I'm just going to do my little bitch fest. I come home tonight (where I am right now- my parents) to do some last minute laundry before I go home (my apartment) to pack for Colorado. I ask my dad to look at my camera (because it's broken, naturally) and he's asking me all these stupid little questions. "Where does the battery go?" "how long has it been messed up?" "why dont you buy a new battery and see if that's what it is?" I have a short temper. I can't stand it when people ask me too many questions. I'm a bratty bitch. It's true, atleast I know this now. I'm secure with all my horribleness.

On a totally unrelated depressing for me, but not for you note: I think Justin is ignoring/ blowing me off. Hrmmm...this is awful for me, but not for you. Infact, I don't really care. I know already that I've gotten my hopes up for this entire week that I'm up there. Nothing is going to happen, and more than likely I won't even kiss him. He probably has a girlfriend by now, and just hasnt told me BECAUSE he thought I wouldnt come back out. Bleh...woe is my shallow self.

Peace out...I'm just not in the mood...

See you when I get back on the 1st.

Monday, October 22, 2001
06:19 p.m.

I worked the Country Freedom Concert lastnight for work. It was held in Nashville. I had the ultimate pleasure of meeting some of country's finest preformers. Many of whom I got their autographs and will add to my framed collection on my desk at work. It was a beautiful concert and raised a ton of money.
It's not too late to donate! Donate online here OR call 1-800-SAL-ARMY

Three more days until I am out of this state! I wish it were for good. Well, actually, I'm glad that I still live here, with all that is going on right now. I'm not scared of flying...I'm scared that something will happen while I'm away and I will not have any way of getting back home to my family.

I try not to think toomuch of what's going on right now. I try not to think of how alot of friends will be leaving soon. My roommate for next year leave this week for training. Then, he'll be gone until the New Year. I'm scared for him. I guess, really, I'm not scared for myself at all. If I die- I know that I'll be in good hands. I know that I will be taken care of, and I can find comfort in that. I do find a great deal of comfort with that. I'm just so cared of all the people that are going to die, all the families that have lost and will loose their loved ones. I'm scared for them. I pray that they all know God and that they are being taken care of now. I hope they can all find comfort. No matter where they find it.

Enough of that... I'd hate for this journal to have any real substance!

My flight leaves at 6pm on Thursday. I'll get to Denver at a quarter til 10. That would be 11pm Central/TN time.

Oh- Go VOLS! We kicked some booty the other day! A very close game! And! GO TITANS! Very cloes game as well. Tennessee kicks butt in football. That's the only thing I love about TN- Football!

goodbye for now :)

Sunday, October 21, 2001
09:19 a.m.

I wonder why I keep having dreams about Matt. You remember, my exboyfriend. Lastnight I had a strange dream. Zack and AC Slater were in it, and we went to this psychic who does her readings on the computer. Somehow she got into my email and there was an email from Matt. POH was the subject. We always put POH on things. I dont remember how that started, or what we said it meant, but we always put it on things. Odd, yes.

I'm excited about CO. No big surprise. I bought my halloween outfit. Yay! I'm a hoe. It's true. I'll put pictures up as soon as possible.

I'll be on my period when I go up there, not a big deal really. I just don't want to be bleeding to death on my vacation. Atleast my boobs will be big, though. Oh, the important things in life...

I dont know what to expect from Justin, so I'm not going to expect anything. He said that we will deffenently hang out, and he's going over to Jessica's on Thursday when I get there. I hope it's not weird. I hope that he jumps me! haha, I kid. Oh well, though. I hope everything works out great, and I have a good time. Which is why, after all, I am going.

Peace out.
jillica

Friday, October 19, 2001
07:58 p.m.

Yeah. This is the guy I'm in love with. Justin in his halloween costume. I know, it's sad.

Nothing much to say. I'm just excited about going to Colorado. 6 more days, and I am out of the boro. Thank God.

I'm sleepy tonight. I wish I didnt have to work. I'd love to just go to my bed and sleep until the morning. But that doesnt happen much at all.

I might get a tattoo while I'm in CO. I'm not sure though. I know what I want. So, who knows. Might as well...

Goodbye.

Friday, October 19, 2001
07:54 p.m.

From the other day:

Colorado here I come. Yup, that's right. I'm going back to the big C.O. Jessica, Wyndi, Justin, Wylie. My four favorite people there. I'm excited. Beyond excited. I can't even begin to describe how happy I am to be getting away from here for a little while. I need this vacation. After this, though, I won't be able to afford to do anything. Working two jobs, I am, but hardly have anything to show for it.

Just a little recap on what's been going on in my life.
Work.
A fried wrecked my car. Totaled it out, actually. I got some mula for it. My car is still driveable, and I'm going to keep it the way it is. Until next summer when I plan on buying a new car. Yup, that is the plan, indeed. Hopefully my car will last until then.
I had a tarrot reading from a guy at work the other night. He didn't tell me much. The next day (yesterday) Katy and I went to eat and then we went to see a palm reader. The only one close by is in Smyrna, and she wasn't there. Good deal, though, we dont need to waste our money on crap like that.
The guy (tarrot guy) told me that I'm going to finally be at peace with myself. He said that I have to conflicting sides (true- but who doesnt?). He said that I'll finally choose a side and then be secure with it...or something like that. I dunno...I don't really believe in future telling. Especially when my future is told by a card.

Today: nadda. Work, came home, came to by parents, ate dinner, going back to work tonight. The same thing tomorrow. My life is bland, busy and bland.

So, I'm going to get off here now and see if I can take a quick napperoo.

God bless,
Jill