Misterpants!
Memepool
Not My Desk

Monday, November 19, 2001
everything's over here now
My days of using Pitas as peacedividend by proxy are over - first my gig at Pixar ended, in mid-September, and then I used my scads of free time to set up Greymatter so I can maintain that remotely. so. nothing to see here. go here instead.

Friday, September 7, 2001
This little boy makes me all weepy.
There was a photo in the SF Chronicle this morning of this Wang Chubin, with a knife to his throat right before the wielder of said knife was shot. The fact that this stoic little boy offered himself up to rescue a six year old classmate just makes me want to cry.

Thursday, September 6, 2001
Todd Levin on Burning Man 2001
As usual, Todd is deadly funny. I (heart) Todd.

Thursday, September 6, 2001
Leisuretown deserves funding.

Thursday, September 6, 2001
India out of Punjab Khalistan
For years, there's been a cab company run out of an apartment building in my neighborhood that promotes the cause of Khalistan. The cabs are all old beat up Buicks with homemade paint jobs, very quaint, very anarchy meets entrepreneurship.
The last company I worked for hired them as our company shuttle service, so I rode around with them sometimes. The drivers were all PhDs or some other professional type, in a state of semi-retirement driving cabs and educating the masses on the horrors of racism in the Indian empire. Interesting stuff.
Today I found myself behind a shiny new van of theres, with a fancy professional paint job and slick screened slogans: India out of Punjab Khalistan! It got me to take a look.

Wednesday, September 5, 2001
Ew!
About the rain of flesh, blood, and bone that spattered the kids arriving at school that morning, neighbors reported:
"It's become routine," said 57-year-old Itzak Avramson, whose dress shop just down the street from the blast site was filled with customers as soon as police reopened the street. "They have their queue of martyrs waiting - today this one, tomorrow another."

Tuesday, September 4, 2001
Stephen Hawking on Eugenics
Poor Stephen Hawking. He needs to calm down. First he had a new vocoder made, to rid himself of his filthy American accent (ok, I guess I can understand that) and take on a more distinguished British one. Now he's espousing genetic manipulation as avoidance of an inevitable Terminator future.

Friday, August 31, 2001
the Arcata police log is very, very funny.
Arcata: a sleepy little college town with a witty little police log. I bet it gets even better as harvest season approaches.

Thursday, August 30, 2001
You call this work?
I wish I'd brought a camera to work today. There's a film crew here, filming all these scenes of manufactured bacchanalia - Party Life at Pixar! An editorial coordinator was dj-ing on the stage around the corner from my office when I got here, which was swell. Later, there were like 30 animators pretending to have a party while a miniature MI blimp buzzed around. All day, you have to be careful which hall you walk down, there might be a raucous performance going on. Very surreal. Very photographable. Whee!

Thursday, August 30, 2001
Burning Man Rant - Media on Media
Half the planet has taken up the " bitter pessimistic Burning Man veteran (and virgin! ) rants " banner. Ridiculing Burning Man is the new Not Going To Burning Man. And hooray for that - I thought it was all up to Cliff and myself for a while there. But wait: that means I won't have the city all to myself this weekend. Anyway, this is by far my favorite anti-BM, LLC rant in recent memory.

Monday, August 27, 2001
Mister Rogers' Actual Neighborhood
Nice story. Note the mullet on the Time Business editor in the sidebar ad. Niiiice.

Monday, August 27, 2001
free speed for gamers
So some arcade in Thailand is feeding gamers speed in their drinking water to keep them playing all night long. This puts an entirely new twist in the First One's Always Free idea, but it looks like they lost themselves a customer. Here's the thing, though: wouldn't that water taste really nasty?

Wednesday, August 22, 2001
Adolescent eagles are trouble, too
interesting causality: "It's young because it doesn't have that bald spot yet," Rafferty said.
Here's a photo.

Wednesday, August 15, 2001
accidental mirror photo
Note to naked guy: your tea kettle has a reflective surface.

Friday, August 10, 2001
don't dress sheep in nightgowns.
"Sexual abuse of animals is believed to be a problem in the United States today, although the extent of the abuse is difficult to determine because animals are not capable of reporting attacks, the Humane Society said. Dogs and horses are the most common victims, the Humane Society said."
Ewe!

Tuesday, August 7, 2001
who's the mole?
Excerpts from a private conversation over internal email at Pixar found their way onto IMDB today. Like 12 hours after the conversation happened. Freaky. It gives on that brush-with-fame feeling, seeing one's chat with coworkers reported as news:

Star Wars II: Attack of the Critics
Monday's announcement (the official StarWars.com newsletter, Homing Beacon, which published it, was dated "Thursday, 08-06-01," possibly referring to a different galaxy's time zone) that Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones will be the title for the next Star Wars film has been almost universally roasted within the film industry and by film journalists. Buttonholed by reporters at the Hollywood Film Festival, Ewan McGregor, who plays Obi-Wan Kenobi in the prequel, called it "a terrible, terrible title." Employees of Pixar Animation began posting alternative titles that included: Attack of the Killer Clones, Send in the Clones, Killer Clones from Outer Space and Dude, Where's My Clone?...

Tuesday, August 7, 2001
Cardhouse: Candy Cigarrette Extravaganza
Mark Simple is a frickin' comedy genius.

Thursday, July 26, 2001
Kids these days
"...experience romantic encounters during informal gatherings of male and female friends, referred to as 'hanging out.'"
Oh my. That is such a manufactured generation gap!
"'The common thread throughout all of this is the presence of alcohol,' said Kate Kennedy of the Independent Women's Forum, which commissioned the survey. "
Or that devil reefer!
"Kennedy said that when she was dating not long ago in college, 'it was so nerve-wracking. It was almost like taking a final exam. What was the point of doing it? It wasn't fun.'"
And here I think we get to the root of this misunderstanding. Only someone so deeply closeted as Ms. Kennedy could have missed the common usage of the term "hang out" over the past 45 years.

Monday, July 23, 2001
oral contraceptives fool you into picking incompatible mates?
Wow.

Monday, July 23, 2001
and I thought SF DMV was bad...
Workers changed the line configuration and taped off a chair so customers could avoid the fecal matter the man spread over several areas of the room. The man did get his driver's license renewed and left about an hour after the accident.

Monday, July 23, 2001
King Dumb
I find this very upsetting.

Thursday, July 19, 2001
Leos, Virgos more suicidal of elderly
Keep an eye on me when I hit 55.

Friday, July 13, 2001
It is not known why he was giving his parrot a shower.

Tuesday, July 10, 2001
Haikus are like potato chips.
Haiku is the next big thing.

Monday, June 25, 2001
Man on way to brothel bumps into wife, working the streets.
He's paying for it; she's doing it for money. These folks obviously need to work out the economics of their marriage.

Tuesday, May 29, 2001
fucking brilliant Burning Man parody
Breaking every convention observed by the hardcore participant. I especially love the pre-installed girl on girl pornstar action in the RV. Hah!

Saturday, April 7, 2001
Portland Mercury News: it's the Benicio Del Toro issue
According to our friend's friend's friend, she went up to him and said, "You're my screensaver." (Good line.) Benicio's reply? "Don't waste your time with me, sweetheart." (Better line.)

Sunday, April 1, 2001
Dutch April Fool prank on Americans
I'd still move there.

Thursday, March 29, 2001
now THAT'S art

Sunday, March 11, 2001
All Your Brand Are Belong To Us
Suberting the marketing paradigm. Woohoo!

Sunday, March 11, 2001
naval semen
Enjoy.

Thursday, March 8, 2001
FINALLY, Layoff #1 was Fucked
I can't believe it took so long for Brigade to be Fucked Company News. I guess when you fire the 20 salespeople that you hired when you fired the rest of the company 6 months ago, that's well and truly Fucked.

Thursday, March 8, 2001
Layoff, Round 2
That which was once Berkeley Systems (and was until recently Flipside) is no more. We "bought" our main competitor, Uproar, who recently acquired the connivingly successful iWin, and somehow almost everyone at Uproar and Flipside has lost their jobs, and iWin, well, wins. OK, whatever, that's the way of the world, but you know what's really crazy? Uproar got the money, iWin stole the games, and Flipside didn't even get their own posting on Fucked Company.

Thursday, March 8, 2001
damned pink yuppie scum
I went to a Pink Slip Party this evening. It sucked donkeys. Not only was it at the Sound Factory, a club I decided long ago never to go to even if it was free with drink tickets, but the crowd was the worst assortment of meat market yuppie hell ever.
I had a couple cheap Cosmos and hightailed it off to Hamburger Mary's just in time to see my old friend Elizabeth, who bartends there and it herself getting laid off at the end of the month. HM's is closing. Sigh...

Thursday, March 8, 2001
Dammit, kids, didn't your parents teach you how to protest?!?
I got caught in the traffic backup around this today. I felt so bourgeoise, sitting in my cute little car with my lovely lovely stereo and way too many speakers, after dropping my friend off to go rage for affirmative action. Somehow I feel a little less lame now, and more validated for having insulated myself from this sort of bullshit.

Tuesday, March 6, 2001
talkin' tits
A really good essay on breasts. Enjoy.

Sunday, March 4, 2001
who IS this?
I got a couple referrals from this site, and noticed that they critique my humble little peacedividend as "nothing special, except KITTIES!" which is fine, whatever, you can bite me and maybe I'll reorg the site when I get laid off next week... but then I noticed that they're trying to "I was punk before you were punk" Godfrey Danielsof all people. Someone needs to grow up.
Aha, it's the person behind the Inexplicable Object. Hm. I've actually talked up that site quite a bit, as it's usually pretty funny. Don't think I'll refer to it here, tho.

Sunday, March 4, 2001
buh bye, Flippy!
I'll be joining these folks after this week's all-hands meeting at Flipside.

I'd better update my resume.

or go play with Cellblock. Ahhh...

Thursday, March 1, 2001
now THAT's organizational development

Wednesday, February 28, 2001
work that ass
(if you don't know concentration, which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like hell)
Reviewer: Thierry Nguyen (see more about me) from Berkeley, CA USA In a flurry of humor, depression, and morbid curiosity, I actually went and bought this damn book. I haven't read it cover to cover, but I've digested a good chunk of it. A significant portion of it is dedicated to reprinting USENET posts, where Nishigaki posts his ideas to a depression newsgroup, and every other poster gets completely and utterly baffled. The first few chapters are just this sense of back and forth. Then it launches into heavy theory, written in that zesty sense of "Engrish" as seen in the description. Its method for combating depression is something that I have yet to even consider trying, but as a general humor book, this is probably one of the funniest and most bizarre reads you'll encounter. I still randomly open to a page, read it, and feel better about whatever the heck was bringing me down in the first place...

Wednesday, February 28, 2001
William. He's READY
it's 18min long, but worth it. oooh, so worth it. go now. have RealPlayer installed first.

Wednesday, February 28, 2001
it's forebodingly nice outside
It was full-on earthquake weather in Seattle today.
Freaky.
I had to leave the office and go for a walk in the balmy afternoon. The sky is bright blue with white cloudstreaks, promising a vivid, hallunicatory sunset. I'm wearing shorts and a tank top (oooh, happy armpit), and I'm not cold.
This is creepy.

Saturday, February 3, 2001
Betty Bower's BS Quiz
Because you love the blood and gore, Betty Bowers gives us Maximum BS- Bible Study. Take the New Tesament Quiz.. It's extra spiffy!

Wednesday, January 31, 2001
"People tend to forget about food in a city..."
What the fuck ever. This is so "new economy wanting to be the old hip" I can't stand it. Performance art as dinner: it's the new black.

I'm only posting this so that we can all note with horror the hip lingo:
"Eve Prince rocks the KISS look while slicing meat."

Wednesday, January 31, 2001
but it's Dairy Queen; what do you expect?
DANVILLE, Kentucky (AP) -- A 0 bill bearing the likeness of President Bush would seem to be an obvious fake. But it seemed real enough to fool one fast-food cashier...

Friday, November 3, 2000
Radiskull and Devil Doll
Brendan dressed up as Devil Doll for Halloween, and only 2 people of the hundreds we encountered "got it." How can it be that the entire world is not even now joining hands to sing the (episode one) Radiskull song? Radiskull and Devil Doll rules ok!

Slashgoth.org
"Down, not across."
That's so cute.

Meat Wars!
Star Wars meets . Perfect!

Saturday, October 21, 2000
freaks speak
This is the BEST. Props to misterpants for this one.

Monday, October 16, 2000
Cultural History for Gamers
LOOK !!! This is the most important piece of digital ephemera I've seen in months. So good.

Tuesday, October 3, 2000
Join the Rantarific NotifyList!
As a firm believer in All Things Andrew, I've started a NotifyList. Sign up for the Rantarific, and be party to things I deemed too inflammatory, personal, wacky, or otherwise sensitive for putting on Peace Dividend or this Pitas. Mostly, right now, you'll be hearing about the trials and tribulations of trying to find meaningful yet gainful employment in the era of dotcommodification. Sign on up!
Woohoo, get on board the NotifyList train!

Monday, September 25, 2000
Hoo! Haa!
I cracked myself up in a dream last night. I woke up laughing, and laughed til I cried. Couldn't stop.
I was leading a resume writing workshop, and illustrating various structures and formats but using really sly subtle jokes as the content. I didn't notice the jokes until I started reading my resume to myself. Every sentence, every bullet point, was poignantly funny.
Brendan was awake and reading next to me when I awoke convulsing with laughter. Of course, I couldn't explain the humor - it was very subtle, and the real kicker was that I made myself laugh and laugh and laugh. Go, subconscious!

Sunday, September 24, 2000
Eat like King Midas
OK, I'm pretty excited about this. This is like my favorite college professor(James Deetz, who I studied under at UC Berkeley)'s favorite work - manifested, imho, in a much more appealing way than, say, Colonial Williamsburg is today.
Fennel tart sounds really pretty strange. I'd try it.

Friday, September 22, 2000
Annoted Dennis Miller
This Britannica.com series - deciphering Dennis Miller's references during Monday Night Football - is actually severely funny. Check it out!

Thursday, September 21, 2000
Lego DJ
A Copenhagen inventor/Lego geek has invented a Lego DJ. I want one.

Wednesday, September 20, 2000
Art Car Extravaganza
I don't know if you get over to Berkeley much, but this weekend is Berkeley-rific. The Art Car Fest (wacky folks with Art Cars from all over converge, is much fun) is happening, with a massive party/fashion show at the UC Theater on Saturday. The UC Theater is closing its doors in a week, and it's tragic, so this is the last hurrah. Sunday is the "How Berkeley Can You Be" parade, which should be amusing but not nearly as entertaining as when certain art car folks created a certain Meat Parade-in-a-parade.

Sunday, September 17, 2000
Plague-time is play-time!
It's nearing that special time again - time to re-enact Biblical plagues! Let's get started!
1. Nile waters turning to blood --put red food coloring in the water glasses at the dinner table, in the bathroom sinks, in the dog's water bowl, and anywhere else you can think of.
5. Disease afflicting the Egyptian livestock--put stuffed animals in different areas of the house, upside down.
That is just so goth!

Saturday, September 16, 2000
But Mommy!
A Halloween costume that looks like you, a full sized adult, are riding piggy back on a babushka.
(Note: BAbushka = grandma. baBUshka = butterfly. thanks for playing.)
What could be creepier?

Thursday, September 14, 2000
Web Economy Bullshit Generator
seize synergistic action-items! BULLSHIT!

Thursday, September 14, 2000
Samsung Means To Come
So Beautiful! Hooray! (Gratuituous use of Caravan, too!)

Saturday, September 9, 2000
Happy Birthday to My Pitas!!!
It's been a year and a day since I started blogging Pitas Stylee! Who knew?
A year ago yesterday, I loved Andrew enough and had enough free time at work to embark on what was, for some time, a very active little weblog.
Today, I've been at and very happily laid off of an entirely different job, the enervating nature of which kept me off the wires for months at a time but which has been uttering a death-rattle ever since we hired a new CEO and his corrupt filandering Midwest dwelling henchmen with a history of kill-'em-all-let-god-sort-'em-out-while-we-get-rich nepotistic endeavors... Whew! Sorry, I'm still a little worked up over the death of an inspired entrepreneurial venture and the rise of a multinational corporation from its still smoldering ashes, which MNC, being terrifically topheavy, with horribly mutated limbs, has a life span of (starting the pool) 18 months, tops... Where was I? Oh yes: I have free time, once again, a year later, so look out.

Web Cop - Hanford's Finest
OK, this is seriously nifty: this Traffic Patrol officer in Hanford (Fandango!), CA, has a little web site from which he administers a shoulder patch collection.
But that's not the remarkable thing. It gets so much better - better, even, than the "Riders on the Storm" midi.
He's seriously a wired cop, doing his wired civic duty, and I can barely get over it.
See, I've been wanting to get my bitchin' little Miata outfitted with vampire teeth for some time, now - to fend off the Explorers and Navigators that try to engulf me in their wheel wells - but I couldn't find any documentation on CA license plate law.
Nick, the Patch Man, was so cool as to respond immediately with the URL and the code for license plate placement law.
So great! Go, wired police man! Thanks, Nick!

Rocked By Rape on NPR
This is so gorgeously postmodern: a news media outlet reporting on the disgruntlement of a news media outlet, with the angle that the object of disgruntlement is now making its way around the Internet - on the Internet. Woot. What a hoot!

Friday, August 25, 2000
All thumbs (in the news)
What a week for thumb stories! Didja hear the one about the thumb-eating deranged barber? Woohoo! Creepy!

Wednesday, August 9, 2000
What Dalty died of
I hope this isn't already old by now, having been on Cruel Site of the Day for 2 days already.
Wade through Dalton's sister's notes, his mom's poetry, and the wishes of his parish folk to see what tragedy took him from his flock.
This just cannot be real.

Saturday, August 5, 2000
Cubelessness is Evil
that is all.

Sunday, July 30, 2000
Trader Joe's Papadams have BUGS
Ew, ick! These creepy little tiny red bugs have been plaguing our house for a few days now. One or two bumbling little icky red guys, cruising around our otherwise gleaming and spotless kitchen, pokin' around, checking it out. I found a bunch of info thru this Chinese website on the Confused Flour Beetle. This site gave enough of a character reference that I was able to go right to the box of Indian Papadums I bought last week and LO! Huge pile of insect crap and writhing hordes of confused beetles.
I'm not sure if I'll sleep easier after seeing that, but at least the little fuckers are gone.

Saturday, July 29, 2000
Fowlerism
Make your own monster - with full selection of lougerific soundscapes! Very much fun. I liked bopping around as purple alien girl with cell phone and tobacco pipe to a James Bond theme...

Thursday, July 20, 2000
Deadly Diapers!
It was bound to happen. Perhaps this will lead to a recycling program - dirty diapers as fuel. I can see it now - slowly we'll alter our behaviors,and markets will respond, and we'll have poo-powered cars.

Sunday, June 4, 2000
Ma'am
Well hooray for slow news days, is all I can say. (Bare british butts ahead, beware!)

Sunday, June 4, 2000
Just Married
I married my sweetheart last Sunday, so have been way too busy too play the Pitas game. The Cliff House was the venue for what turned out to be a monumentally groovy wedding - waves crashing on the beach below, wind buffeting us around during the ceremony, 4 djs and an ecclectic crowd at the reception... Whee! Photos soon

Thursday, May 18, 2000
Bangpole!
BangPole reduces liability by eliminating flying device bodies! The steel mini-ram can be used to port and rake barred windows! The BangPole stores easily in the trunk of a standard police vehicle! All BangPoles feature a positive safety!
AAAAAGH!

I gave my cat an enema!
No, not me. This guy did, though.
He's got lots of other slice-of-life stories, as well, all illustrated with crayon drawings of stick figures. It's flippin' sublimely brilliant.

Wednesday, May 3, 2000
Kittens! At my house!!!
Oh, joy: fluffy little 4 week old kittens! One of them barely making it, but through the ministrations of Stacey she'll probably live! And she's soooo cuuute, all 100gm of her!
Go now and look! Careful, they're really incredibly cute!

Skoiuja Board!
Nasty, but addictive.

Monday, April 17, 2000
Gnome Liberation Front
I want to see pictures.

Monday, April 17, 2000
Leave the poor hamsters alone!
"Backing down, Gieves and Hawkes said it had made only one hamster coat – sewn from the skins of 100 farmed animals – and would make no more. "

Monday, April 17, 2000
In Memory of Edward Gorey

Sunday, March 19, 2000
the Blackouts!!!
Oh how I adore you, Flesh Kleenex!!!

I've been looking for info on, or even better a copy of the original 7" by, this band since a friend gave me a tape of theirs in '83. SEVENTEEN YEARS LATER (I was only 12 or 13. I'm not that old. This may also explain the fervor of my search - unrequited adolescent urges and all) I've found the entire history of the band - which is more interesting than I'd ever imagined, and got a copy of that piece of vinyl for all of at GEMM!!! I have such a shopper's high right now.

Tuesday, March 14, 2000
Booberry Lore and History
Yum!

Sunday, March 12, 2000
Sissy Fight!
Put an end to workplace high school antics by taking it down a notch: to elementary school! Woohoo!

Here's a sample from the cheat sheet: " Cower Power The COWER action is a good all-purpose defensive move. It will let you evade one grab or scratch during a turn. A cower will even let you escape from a tattle! But there's no escaping from a tease -- cowering will only make them laugh harder!"

Friday, March 10, 2000
crap!
I changed the format of this page without noting where the archive is. And I'm too sleepy to do anything about it. Woe is me.

Tuesday, February 29, 2000
The Editing Room, Woohoo!
This is just the innocuous looking time waster we all need in our daily life. Whee!

Saturday, February 26, 2000
'Doh! Poor Scottish loser...
This is classic. Woohoo! Enjoy.
BTW, I'm moving this week - just got a place in Berkeley, so I have to pack and move by Wednesday, eep - so the postings have been sparse...

Saturday, February 5, 2000
Go kid, go!
This 8 year old boy took on Man of The House role, after his mom's boyfriend beat her, and stabbed said boyfriend. And killed him. Wow.

Friday, January 28, 2000
New York provides psychic training
Is that the breaking of the 6th or 7th seal?

Thursday, January 27, 2000
The Pump Room
This is a site by and for men who like to inflate their bellies, achieved by sticking the business end of an aquarium air pump in one's colon.
Nice.
Check out the gallery.

Thursday, January 27, 2000
Sell it, Scotty!

Thursday, January 27, 2000
Rotten TV
Johnny Rotten has a 30 min. tv show on VH1. This is the only reason to watch VH1, imho: it's dubbed "art and music" in the Dish guide, and it's really really good. Honesty and Integrity - Johnny Rotten style - are the themes, and I dig it bunches.