Man, oh so pissed at boyfriend. Well, don't really have a straight answer, just about a lot of things. Like what happened last time. He called me stubborn! And then he says that I was the one that called myself stubborn. So, I may have incited him to say that, but that doesn't mean that he should say that. I could've so many times called him an asshole, but do I? No! I have my limits and I KNOW BETTER! And now, my gosh, the nerve he has. HE thinks that I don't listen to a fucking thing he says when he talks about his parents. Like what they expects. He names so many freaking things, like you have to be respectful to elders, they don't like lazy girls and all these other stuff. yeah, i heard everyone of them, it's not like I'm going to meet them any time soon. He doesn't even freaking care about what I think he should act with my mom. Like the other day, I just mentioned to him about what to get her so she can like him. Since it seems like they already met and mother seems to be talking about him more. Ofcourse I want her to like him, c'mon, I'm going out with him. And then, when i mentioned that, he just tells me to go get that for her because I'm her daughter.

Now, I forgot what I was about to say. Sister is here with her friend. It's her birthday. Blah, she got a cake and that E.T Thingy with some other stuff


Ok, back to where I was before. Here's the conversation:

04_09_02

There-ya-go. Eggcellent! bwahha! WEll anyways, I miss before. The way he treated, well for that one day. When we got back together the first time and I didn't really "love" him at that time. he treated me like a queen for that one day. Now that we're equals in feelings, it's like, i don't know. He doesn't really make me feel special that much. It's like he looks down on me in a way. He corrects my spelling errors because I don't know. Hmm, I noticed a lot of spelling errors with him, but do I correct them? NO, but i think I should start, just to annoy him. He acts like he's always right when he argues with me. Especially with reading my diary. How could anyone get mad at someone's personal thoughts? How exactly? You got some nerve to start a fight over a diary. It's no one else's business, other than the person that's typing/writing it.

What upset me most about the day of his birthday was when he was reading my emails. The nerve of that guy!! I should've complained. Oh man, I should've. Started going to most of Angel's and Owen's emails. Um, ok... Then again, I did go into that mailbox. I didn't really expect him to start reading them, I was just checking if anybody emailed me. Which it was only Merry. When I asked him why he's reading them, he said it's because I checked his. Didn't he say to forget the pass? Oh well, I had a reason to argue. what a fucking hypocrite, i told myself to never bring that up again. But, my gosh. It makes things harder to trust him now. The only reason I trust him to be around girls is because he keeps on saying. Don't make guy friends and all these other guy stuff. I pretty much don't care if it's guy or girl, just as long as they're fun to talk to so I won't be bored to death in school. I only have three friends at school, it quite happens that they're all guys. hahaha, it's because the rest of the girls are ignorant and annoying. The guys has the same interest as mine: anime and music. It makes it fun to talk to. The only person I really talk to is Kenny. He HAD serious girlfriend problems because she lives far away and such. It was fun helping him and stuff, but now he finally broke it off. yeah, I think i explained that already. Well anyways, now where was I before? uhh. Oh yeah, the only reason I trust him around girls is because he's yapping and yapping about me and guys like he's my mother. It makes me think that he stays by his word and have that same feeling towards himself. I mean, if you're trying to force someone to be this one, don't you think that you should atleast think about what you just said and stay by your own word and do that same thing. That doesn't mean planning on meeting other girls and stuff. Hah, I'm not jealous though. if I was jealous, I would've screamed at Lee's face on Lee's birthday because he lied to me. I think he doesn't know, but I'm pretty sure about this. What a liar! I remembered that day when he told me that he went and helped his friend put the car stereo. I remembered he told me his friend was a he. I'm sure he put "he". But maybe it was a typo or something, it's kind of hard when it's online. Well anyways on the phone with his cousin i deliberatly heard him say she. But I didn't complain because, ugh, I'm not jealous. I trust him to not do anything like that. And if he does, he'll be sure to pay a hefty price, it'll be greatly his fault and he won't have any freaking excuse.

Ok, um. lalala, that would be all. I'm not mad at Lee anymore, but if that's brought up again, i'll be sure to say something. I know it was wrong to just leave like that today, but I was pissed. hahaha, ok, gotta talk about today. My gosh, can't believe i didn't talk about this yet. bwahahahh!!!! The teacher Mrs. Shwartz just quit. It's because Necca's mother comes all the way to poly to talk to Mrs. Shwartz. She was saying that she's racist and stuff. The only reason she says all these things is because Mrs. Shwartz doesn't like Necca and Necca doesn't like Mrs. Shwartz. Then again, Necca has the highest grade in the class with a pink slip, that means she has an E as the conduct grade. The mother still argues saying that she's racist. Well, the class is half black people and other nationalities. If she was racist, I'm sure that those other people that was being rowdy in the classroom would've been sure to be kicked out. bwahah! So I guess it was a misunderstanding. The mother is going to sue her, and Mrs. Shwartz just quit today. So that means, we have no teacher on thursday for Career guidance. yeah, today was the last day of drivers ed. i didn't get the pink slip so that freaking sucks. I was just two points away to getting a freaking pink slip. =\ aaw man!! Oh well, I have a B. So that's um, cool, I guess. I have the highest grade in the english evening class though. The teacher said something about keeping that A. I'm pretty sure he said B before, so now it's an A? Cool! Ok, that's cool.


I wonder what's going to happen on my birthday. =D I hope it's a special day for me. never had a party in my whole life, never really had any good birthday. haha, never! ^_^ Well, there was one, mother bought me an ice cream cake, that was really really really good! Too bad we had to eat it all when we got it so we threw a lot of it away. Darn ice cream cakes. My 16 birthday wasn't good. Got my keyboard taken away from me so I couldn't go online, and nobody remembered my birthday except for my boyfriend. so I pretty muched cried about what a fucked up life I had. I was so darn sure that my family doesn't care about me. Damn, all this talking about my dark times is starting to get me depressed again. I remembered this time I came back from Las Vegas for three days cause I went with Remy, Sophia, and her twin. I came back and my mom just slapped me really hard. I was like, what the hell was that for. I started to think like what could she have found? Then she was saying that I brought my sister's overalls over there. I was like, you wacked me because of that? Then later on she gave me this lecture that I shouldn't wear her clothes. If u dont' wnat me to wear her clothes buy me new clothes then, simple. And why the hell was she giving me a lecture when she walked out of the house wearing my SWEATER!!! I WAS LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK!!!?!?!?! Why are you just telling me this? When you should say that to my sister too. Then she answered, "oh well, she doesn't do it as much as you do." ugh* I remembered after I ran away from home the first time. I couldn't stop crying about how screwed up my life was. Cried every night and every car ride for three months. Cried at every song that resembled my life in any way. Been going to my mom's salon after school every single day from 7th grade to 9th grade. Even on saturdays and sundays, I don't think I have ever had a life. Good thing it happened in 11th grade. Even in tenth grade, my termoil was still going on. Mother was still giving me freaking lectures and giving me stress. I wanted to get Fs and Ds on purpose to anger my mom even more. I really hated my life, I tried to kill myself two times last year but all attempts didn't work because something keeps stopping me. I don't know what it is. Even the first time I ran away, I knew she was coming there. If I really wanted to run away though, I would've ran out of the house and go somewhere else and I know I wouldn't get caught. But I didn't, and I regreted for not going somewhere else so much, that my head hurt. I didn't want to make it seem like I was bluffing to my -so-call-friends- so I tried to kill myself. DIDNT FREAKING WORK! I was so pissed off! When I woke up I was cussing at myself. Instead I threw up for a whole week. Next few more days mother brother me to the docters to get those yearly thingy shots stuff. I was so scared that they'll find out that I took about 10 or more pills of tylonal (lost count). They didn't find out, instead I found out that I'm anemic. agh* They gave some pills, I had to eat em. I tried one and I threw up for 2 days and couldn't eat for that whole week. After that I never ate any medicine again, i hide every anemic pill in my palm and throw it away later so it would seem like I ate it. agh* this talk about my past just got me started.

Bla, boring life. Well, now my life is a lot better. a boyfriend that cares, a mother that cares, a sister that is still a pain in the ass, but I still love her. And.. A cool school. ok, i was kidding about the school, but the school is easy so tha's cool. Being the best student in all of my classes. ^_~ ok, except for dr. ed. Ok, that'll be all, bub bye. Oh yeah, I can't seem to find that conversation where Lee said that he helped his "he" friend with the stereo.Darn, I should start saving every conversation. Starting now, with the date, I'ma put the conversation with Lee.