Tuesday|April 30, 2002|04:19pm|No more space
agh* no more space, new layout. bye
Monday|April 29, 2002|07:07pm|Agh* I have such a wonderful boyfriend
I was talking to my zakaa friends, they somehow think I broke up with Lee(my boyfriend). Odd. Oh well, I cleared that up to Sam so maybe he'll tell his older brother Vikram. hehehe. Anyways. yesterday was a bit harsh. LOL
As I grow older, I more and more become like a bitch. LOL! I noticed that, I'm always grumpy now. >=( I hope that it doesn't last. agh* that's not a good sign. hahaha. especially to Lee, I'm always this bitchy girlfriend. It wasn't his fault yesterday, I'm just a brat that's all. Atleast he tried. What's that quote again?
It's the thought that counts
In some ways, it didn't seem like he cared too much. The gift, I know he did a lot for. Unfortunately, I didn't want it. When I told sister about it, she said that she wants it. she was happy about the portable cd player so she can use it from time to time, but it doesn't work. haha, im surprised she wasn't saying "you have a crappy boyfriend," like she always does. It annoys me all the time. Always exhadurating while she's talking crap and me and Lee to her boyfriend or friends. That's what I hate about when she has friends there. She always tries to embarris me. It doesn't work though because she's obviously lying, but ... well, it's just annoying. I guess it's also because she always neglects me with her friends and then leaving me waiting for her to come back. And when I just make her wait, she's all like, "Where the hell have you been, you fucking bitch?" Er!!!! That pisses me off so much, but I don't complain much then. Now, I complain whenever I want and it seems like sister is a bit afraid of me. Because now, when I'm mad, I'm mad, and you'll know it. When I'm really mad, I do the silent treatment, when I'm just mad, I blow off into a tremendous arguement until I win. Er, I guess you can say I'm easy to handle when I'm really mad. Actually, no. When I'm really mad, it takes me forever to cool down. When I'm mad, you can do the simplest things and I'll end up smiling again.
Kind of funny how it works. That's how I broke the alarm clock. When I got mad about my sister complaining that I didn't bring enough money and started saying all this crap, I threw everything on the floor when we got home (so she pretty much couldn't eat anything) and went upstairs, closed the door, and threw everything around.. including the alarm clock. That was the first time I broke something. Unlike sister, when she got mad, she destroyed my part of the wall. Damn that fucking bitch, and she's lying like.. "Uh, i didn't do it." My BUTT!! if u didn't do it, why did it just show up. She replied that maybe I just didn't notice it before. I'm thinking.... IT'S SO FREAKING OBVIOUS!!!!
Ok, anyways. mother didn't stay by her promise. Darn her! She said that when I have a 4.0, she'll buy me a mitsubishi eclipse. LOL LOL LOL!!!! i bet she didn't see it coming did she. Oh well, I forgot all about it, until now that is. I dont' want a mitsubishi eclipse. I'ma go try and find that picture of that car I used to like. ER, can't upload it right now. my liquid2k isn't working. So bummer. I was playing with Eminem's picture but I really dislike him after I was listening to some of his songs. Er, i shouldn't have kept the cd. Oh well, maybe sis likes him. DAMNIT!!! I hate being home when someone else is home.. shes always telling me what to do. now, i gotta coin her back. ugh* this is going to take a while. *mumbles bad words*
Ok, it's 9:13 and I'm finally done with the coining and masaging for mother, however you spell masage. blah, massage or masage. LOL, I don't know. I know that massage is is spelled massage, but i don't know about masage, or even that words exist. I ramble too much. =\ I can't help it. I'm a super annoying girl, even if you ask Lee(my boyfriend). LOL! ER, ok.. bla bla bla. I'll go edit my aim profile.
Sunday|April 28, 2002|07:07pm|My daily complaints
Listening to Eminem. It was in that mp3 player Lee got for me. Today, started off good. I really thought it was going to be a good day. I was convinced taht it was going to be a good day. love-productions accepted my apology and understood. =D I'm so happy, everything is settled now. Yayy!! i just want to squeeze and hug her. Well anyways, yeah, today started off good. i was happy, very happy. When Lee arrived, I was almost done with the laundry. *grunts* I have to do laundry today. *sigh* Well anyways, after the whole, "aaaah, *muah* I miss you.. *muah*muah*muah*", we went to his place.
I love his house!!! I always thought his house was going to be those normal houses. medium sized or something. But no, it had to be big! Bigger than I thought. Especially from the outside. At first, when he was about to turn, I remembered that there's going to be cambodian neighbors that just moved in and that they're having a birthday party. I noticed, WOW! They have a really nice house, but not as nice as the house to the right. Then I noticed shows out in the front.. C'mon, who else would put shoes outside other than asians? When he parked in the garage, that's when I knew it was his house. I wasstill in denial that that was his house. and so I went in, I wasn't so amazed. the house looks small. I went into his room and noticed how messy it was. bwahhaa. I knew it was his room right away by the Bruce Lee posters. Well anyways, once we went in, we went straight to the point. Or, wanted to until we found out that we don't have any of "those" left, because he used the last two the last visit. Er, we went to Rite Aide and I chose the one that I thought would be good. Went to the cash register, tried to avoid to make it seem I'm with that guy that's buying the condoms. Er, that I'm the girl that's going to be the one that's going to get screwed. Definitely in that neighborhood, some asians are so much the same. Always talking crap. Not that I'm going to go to his place again any time soon.
Anyways, when we went back, we went straight to the point for I don't know how long. I liked the beginning and the ending. In the middle it started to really hurt. I especially liked the ending, I really didn't want it to end, but I knew it was coming. While we were doing it, his cousins called. Grr, that ruined the mood in a way, but he made it up by talking sexy. I d on't know, I thought it was sexy. Anyways, bla bla bla. It ended, starting playing this game. Or, just only him. I wanted to play it but whent he doorbell rang he gave me the joystick. Tried playing it but the joystick was new to m so I din't know what the what to do I made him lose twice. ^_^ Cousins came by and the only person I recognized was the guy from disney. Er, ofcourse! I would think that his girl cousin would be this kind of girl that over does with makeup and stuff, but nope. Which is good. Er, anyways, while they were talking, they said that they didn't bring any money. er, I didn't know what was going on. I was so sure that I got to go to Cheesecake factory today because i was so prepared. he should've known that I really wanted to go. I printed out directions and everything. I thought that that none of our plans would change when his cousins came.But nope. I should've known that whenever he's with someone else, everything becomes ruined.Er!!! I should've said no right off the bat. What I kept thinking in my head was, "Grr, Next time I'm bringing my friends along so he'll know how I feel everytime he brings someone over". Same with in Wilson, and then he has the nerve to ask me "What's wrong?". ugh* When we were together with my friends and stuff, I never for once ignored him. And I'm so posatively sure that I never did. WE were just around there, I never talked to my friend and just leave Lee around.. no, i'm pretty sure. Even my friends that kick it at that same spot at wilson agrees that he keeps leaving me out. Well.. umm... when we walked out.. i saw the living room and it was so nice
Ok, enough of that, where am i? Oh yeah, him and his cousin was playing that game. They played for a long time, but I like watching it so I didn't complain. I kept on looking at the clock and thinking " Hurry, we might be late for the cheesecake, since he said that we're going there later." Well, that's what I thought at the time so I wasn't so mad at that time. WHen we parked at mcdonalds, that's when I found out that we were't going. Or was it when we were in mcdonalds. Talk about a special birthday. *sarcasm* Mcdonalds.. Er, i ordered #10, wasn't really paying attention on what he bought. Chicken nugget, well, that long thing. Er, yeah. Bla bla bla.. He wasn't a gentlemen today, also ruined the day. The day that he choose to be thoughtless, just had to be today. Makes me want to beat him till I'm satisfied.
I shouldn't be mad though. I don't know why I'm mad in the first place. It's his car, it's his money,and it's his time that I'm taking up. it's just that, I was so prepared and eager to go there. Ofcourse, I wanted to go there with Lee. If I knew I would have had a crummy birthday with him, I wouldn't have gone with him and would've planned something with my friends. Er, I take that back. My friends are assholes. Maybe, I would've had much better fun at home. The good thing about today is that I had GOOD sex, and got to see his place.. Er, and yes, I got to see his beautiful face. I have that everyday, today was supposed to be special. I have never, for once had a good birthday. Never for once. I don't think I'm meant to have a good birthday. OH, and his gifts are great. Didn't really think that he'll spend/waste 60 bucks buying a mp3 player. But when I saw it, I thought to myself, "What's this?? What the hell am I going to do with that??? ER, YOu balony, keep it if you want it so much." Iknow he knows that Iwas thinking that.But when I saw the portable CD player, I thought to myself: "Aaaaah, Ialways wanted one.. =D yayyy!!!! I really needed one too. I need to be occupied in the bus, because the bus is so boring and i hate seeing these weird people staring at me.". So I thank him for the CD player, unfortunately, It's used. Ugh* Oh well, I don't care, as long as I have a cd player now. i can listen to music. But with what music??? Ugh* I don't have any cool CDs except for Rage against the Machines. That's the only good CD I have. Correction: The only good CD my sister has. Grr, she doesn't even listen to them. *grunts*
Where was I?? Oh yeah, the gifts. Yeah, Lee took back the mp3 player to return it. I don't really want anything else from him. I don't think it's going to be anything that I want. Hmm, he said it's useful. Hhe, yeah, I guess. But I'm not into those things. *sigh* and it makes me wonder, why haven't Lee burnt me a cd yet??? See how thoughtless he is. Er, I'll ask my friend to do it for me. The good thing about him is that, i don't have to tell him to do it, he mentions it himself. I was just thinking of something. If i was this mean ass bitch today, I would've gotten what I wanted. But nope, I guess I was too nice today. I wasn't telling him straight out on how I feel. But I'm a mean ass bitch online, that's for sure. Idon't really hold anything back online, I hold too many things back in person. I should really start getting used to the "earth" life. *sigh* Sux, another birthday gone bad. Ok, not the whole day. the sex was good, already mentioned that. It didn't seem like it was my birthday though. Nothing made me happy (besides his beautiful face and the sex), but... grrr. Oh well, he says that he's going to make it up to me. yeah right. like I'm going to enjoy it. I won't be as happy as I would for today. Out of all the days, it had to screw up my birthday. Lee told his cousins that it was my birthday. Did they for once think about me? Er, or were they thinking that Lee was lying to them that i was there because it was my birthday. Ugh*
I can't believe I'm still blaiming Lee for my screwed up birthday. It's not his fault. It really isn't. i know he'll make it up, but, how did it become this way? Why didnt he think about me? Just for one day for goodness sakes. Nothing ever goes my way when he's around with someone else. When I tell him where I want to go, it's like he's deaf and goes where "his" friends want to go. Another day that pissed me off was the second time we tried to go to disneyland (that we didn't go) Er, I named so many places, but he didn't listen to me. I wasn't mad because, that day wasn't special. And then for them to tell me to go home instead?? The hell is wrong with them? I chose this day to go out, and I want to go out. I don't know why I wasn't complaining before, I was really mad that day I'm sure.
Where am i? Oh yeah. Er, yeah, just for one day just make it my day. Once again, I'm not the one driving, or the one paying. and I shouldn't complain. But, this is just so horrible how thoughtless my boyfriend is. It's like, he lost all commonsense. Er, I was also mad at him that morning to for calling me and asking those questions. It was sweet of him to say happy birthday but then he started asking questions about going out and stuff. and i'm thinking, "WHAT THE HELL? I JUST TOLD U THAT MY MOM IS HERE, THAT MEANS HANG UP!!!!!!" I HATE using the phone when someone else is here. My friends would always ask why. Well, it's because she's always ease dropping and then she'll be keeping an eye on me. I started mentioning other things cause maybe, just maybe he'll get another clue that i dont' want him calling me right now. Er, I was kind of surprised that he was still talking about it. So I told him that I'll talk to him later. ugh* And so I acted calm and gathered the clothes to start the laundry. Talked to him onlined and so we planned everything. After that, it went fine, until you know what..
All of my friends forgot my birthday except for Angel. Ugh* I'm trying to work the cd player and it doesn't work. i changed the batteries and everything and it doesn't work.. UGH* HE GAVE ME A BROKEN CDPLAYER!!! I'ma go look for some more batteries.. Cya!
my goodness! Who gives a broken gift, anyways? The least he should've done was check it if it works. UGH!!!!! Why didn't he? Atleast, y'know. *sigh* Why am I still complaining? This is getting really long. hehe, thats because I was offline and mother had the phone, so i could freely expressed how i felt. Where am I? Bla bla bla bla. told my mom about today because I was so mad. HAHA, now I got her hating him.LOL! I shouldn't have. I told her that it was his first time making me mad.. and that it wasn't really his fault. ugH* Oh well. bla bla bla.. Lalalalla..
Saturday|April 27, 2002|06:36pm|Baby don't go
Eylo! Well it's almost the end of the day and all I did was spend hours and hours doing NOTHING! And I mean, NOTHING!!! I did find some helpful tips like how to make your own extending profile for the aim profile. But making my own wouldn't have those cool features. I was looking for one of those sites that doesn't have ads. I came across this one. I was so fooled
Johnia
He/She said that it doesn't have any "ads" and it will never have one of those error thingys.. Yeah, sure. Then while surfing some more, I came across this one.
dansbedcam
(NO, it is not a porno). This one is a lot better. No banners and bla bla bla.. It's ok. hehe, easy, but the colors doesn't work. I hope they fix that soon. Er, i'll stick with that I guess. I don't know what I'm going to put in there though.. hmm, oh well. Well anyways, the only time I parted from the computer was when I went ot the liquor store. Disqusting how our neighborhood is. *sigh* Some asian people disqust me so. While I was on my way to the liquor store, noticed some dog doo on the sidewalk, and then I thought. What the hell??? You're supposed to throw them away, not sweep it outside for other people to walk on it. I know that if I accidently stepped on it, I can definitely sew them. LOl! I heard about this court, someone tripped over a dog bone that doesn't belong to them, they sewed and that person that won got the money. Interesting, w ouldn't you say? But I'm not that fucking evil. It's just so fucking stupid, what's so hard about scooping it up and throwing it away. if someone else see's it, let's just say.. a lawyer, they'll definitely get sewed. I've seen the people living there, always smoking, gambling, etc. Blah, nevermind I brought it up. It's in their nature.
*sigh* I feel like a dumbass. I was argueing with David today. Well tried. We started off talking like normal people and then I mentioned that I want my own domain name. Then he added in that he wants a domain name. He sent me to a site that you had to pay monthly. I was like, "hahaha, you dumbo, I found a site that you pay that much yearly." then he later tells me that that site you just pay for the name not the whole package. And i kept on argueing with him about that because I was convinced that he can't beat my experience in computer knowledge. i guess I underestimated him. >=( I was wrong, he was right, but I'm still not admiting that. So I just told him, "hahaha, Oh yeah, I read that somewhere, but don't know where". HAHAHA, what do u want me to do? Admit that I was wrong? NO way Jose. i'm a girl with too much pride, or is the right word stubborn? I dont' know. Well anyways, blah, so boring.
Chatting with people online is getting more boring as the days progress. Especially meeting new people, they seem like they're uninterested in talking to me. I really hate it when new people IM me and then after a few bla bla blas, they leave. I'm away right now so nobody would bug me. *sigh* Nobody is fun to talk to anymore. except for my boyfriend that is, it seems like he's the only one worth talking to. I found some funny pictures. bwahahhaa. I know that Santosh will definitely like this picture:cloned
Kuss Mich Ich Will
If you don't have audiogalaxy, I'll be more than gladly to send them to you. Grr, I'll kick your butt if you're just connecting with me so you can go through this whole process to hack into my computer. >=(
Er, so many typos. DARN YOU TYPOS!! I should fix them right now
----9:54pm----
Tell me I have the coolest friends. Kiss my butt David!!!! Bwahhhahaahahha!! I was chatting with Tyness to ask him how much he bought for his domain each month. Er, just read this:Ty
I'm having a conversation with Merry right now. Let's just say I'm starting to get very annoyed. *sees vein popping on forehead* Grr, that's how I'm feeling. it's her lying ass that's getting me really pissed off! Well,then again, she might not be lying. *sigh* How the hell does she get herself into these things.?
Do I have to sit and listen to this crap?
Ok, it started off like a bla bla bla, i don't want to hear this. But it ended off ok. Hmm, i wonder what's really going to happen on monday. Digital camera that she's going to let me borrow? Lee says he's going to let me borrow his digital camera. y'see, i don't need one. ^_~ But wait, Sister's bf says that it has to be compatable with win 2000. Right?
Now where the hell is Lee?? It's 11:07 and I'm waiting. my arm is starting to hurt. I'ma leave when it reaches 11:30 because of Cowboy Bebop. Lee isn't online yet. Now how are we going to plan for tomorrow if he's not online? What is he doing right now? >8( I'm so mad now.. I guess we won't get to be with each other tomorrow. Grrr!!!
OH YEAH!! I cannot miss today's episode of Gundam 0083. Why you ask? BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO KISS IN THIS EPISODE!! ensign uraki and that girl that he's been having a crush on. actually it was obvious on her side and they both make such a cute couple.=D Er, it's 11:17, where the hell is Lee? >=( Mom is getting mad. Ima go now. bye! I guess I'M sleeping late today. I don't want to wake up early tomorrow, tHAT IS IF I HAVE PLANS!, but nope. no plans. i guess nothing tomorrow.
Friday|April 26, 2002|06:18pm|I'm Honeydew
Click here to take the test!
I always thought that putting these quiz thingys in my diary ruins the whole thing.... and I am right. I don't know why I still do them. Oh yeah, it's because I choose the one that looks nice and so I put them in here. Like the ones that I have so far. it sort of makes me want to make one of my own. hehehe. =) I don't know how to make one though. =\ I guess they get it from some site and put it in there, i don't know.
Today was boring, nothing new happened. There was a fight between Blanca and Britney, but there's always a fight. They too, are getting kicked out soon with Octavia and Sam. Next year I'm going to poly. Mr. Mcdonald asked the person with the paper work and stuff, so all i have to do is get the paper work next week.
I should really start on my science project, I'm having trouble thinking of a purpose. What the project should be about. *sigh*. I asked Havoc, but he keeps giving me all these chemical ones, with the explosives. grr, i don't want to get kicked out. grr, not again. hahaha!
Sister's boyfriend came by today... well, he's still here. Anyways, he said that he's g oing to give me a webcam. What the hell am i going ot do with a webcam? my friend says it's better than a digital camera. it still holds a lot of space in the computer. I don't think I'll ever want it. He says that it holds a lot more pictures in there, more than the digital camera. ugh* I know that. hahaha.
Thursday|April 25, 2002|06:14pm|La La La La La
Well, today was ok. The day started alright. Mercedes came back to school and so did Ashley. That's a bad combo because.. *ahem* they hate each other. So then Mercedes told her to go away before she gets in trouble. Which means that if she doesn't leave now she'll blow off and beat the hell out of her. (And she will)
So then Mercedes just left and so did Ashley and they had some kind of arguement elsewhere. Later they just disapeared, idon't know what happened. Office aide class was same o same o. made copies and helped the teacher.
After school I checked my email to see what Lee replied. He says that he MIGHT come over, and so I took a shower just incase he does come. I heard this knock on the window and so I went outside to look. voila, he's here. That woman kept on looking at him, Why didn't Lee like avoid that woman. GRR!! she's a snitcher! WEll anyways, we had fun. We could've rushed things but I didn't want him to leave. After jack in the box was boring since he left. I was looking through stuff and I never mentioned what I want for my bday.
Look on the left to see what I want for my bday
Not that you care or anything.. but... =D
It'll make me so happy!!!
i'm a cat.
what kinda pet are you?
quiz made by muna.
I forgot to add about what happened today while playing pictionary. Ok, it wasn't anything, BUT!It just got me grumpy. HOw they were making the answers for their team to know only. like the answers being something to do with B.E.T and i have no clue about that show. And.. how the person in our team repeatedly blocks my view. ugh*
OH yeah, I got my reportcard yesterday and guess what I got.
give up?
a 4.0!!! yayyy!
Ok, i know it's not a big deal because I go to a continuation, but, i even got an A in English4, and that's regular school.*smiles* hehhe. I don't know why, but I'm so tired today, I really want to sleep, but I can't sleep. I think it's because of my opportunity of getting to be online or waiting for my boyfriend to be online. Ok, it's the boyfriend one. I can't even figure out anything to do online. I got some templates for my microsoft words. I'm planning on making a calendar for my pita diary. My main objective of getting is a website. I so want my own website. www.Jenearly.com. heehehe. *drools* what the hell am i going to put in there, though? I always wanted my own website with my name, but what's it for? I guess, for a lot of things... i don't know. I'm sleepy. bye. must wait for boyfriend to be on.
Wednesday|April 24, 2002|02:10pm| It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!
ok, well I have a lot to say today.. *ahem* well uh. Yesterday was a lot. I already explained it in the message below. *clears throat* while I was chatting with Vichetht, i grabbed the trash behind me and put it outside. I went back in and heard that the mailman came and so I went outside and grabbed the mail, that was when I noticed Theary holding a baby. Theary, holding a baby? Is that why I barely see her for so long, is it because she has a baby? Er, haha. so she is a hoe! And so I kind of went in and held the door, and I thought i'd just give a closer look and i didn't see her. So i accident let go of the door and it closed on me. I turned the knob and found out that I LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! i couldn't even remember myself locking it since I was so used to it. my gosh!! This is the first time I did that to myself!!! So then I was just pretty much looking inside and staring at the computer and feeling so aweful that I just left Vichetht. But then, he should know that something just happened. The music was still playing. Rammstein. I kept thinking to myself:
"Why didn't I make the volume louder before I got locked out?"
So for two hours, I just put sticks and pencils in the door knob trying to pick the locks. *sigh* that didn't work, instead it got WORSE!!! The sticks got jammed inside the knob. I really thought I got all the sticks out, but nope, it was all the way in the back. so after two hours, I finally gave up and asked my neighbors if I could stay at their place until my parents came. My mom always told me to go to their place when I can't get inside or something. And so Baren or however you spell his name made me play games with him. He's so annoying!! Darn little kids!! He was so loud like, whoa, im right here.. infront of you. We played pokemon, nba, and Kirby. My favorite was Kirby. He likes the mini games, but I liked the real ones. i didn't want to over stay my welcome so I didn't complain. His uncle kept coming in and out and checking on me or something, i don't know. baren's mother keeps giving me this weird look. I heard some rumors about that woman, let's just say, I don't really like her. The grandma was out somewhere so I didn't feel so comfortable about staying over. Baren kept on asking me to go to his mom's room to play these other games. It took me a while to finally say. "OK!" and yeah, we were there for a while playing all these superboring games. Y'know, those kinds of games that looks so crappy like they're from the 70s.
after 8, i went downstairs and greated the grandmother. She understood, well, it is her place. After 9, sister was banging on the door, and that was when I knew she was there. Found out that the stick was still there. *uh oh* Got bitched at for a few minutes till mother came home. Then i got bitched at even more. Till finally we got the stick out and voila, we're home. *teehee*
Ok, now for today's news. Boyfriend checked my message forums in zhakaas because it was in my diary. He found one that I said "I love you too" to someone. *grunts* This one here. So that was his reply and then he emailed me this long email complaining, as usual. The email:
don't u ever say "i love you" to another guy again, i don't care if you mean it or not..it's a form of flirtation..i'm not trying to get at u or anything..i know u love me no one else..it just sounds stupid and u should only be using it with me..and yeh ok i went into ur privacy thing i don't care i think it's messed up what you're doing behind my back...all those people in the zakaa thing prolly thinks u don't give a shit about me..u din't even mention me once in there..and yeh now i really really don't like how u treating me..with all these backup guy friends who are "way cool!" and i'm the grumpy bitchin boyfriend..but no more of this ok?! i can't take it..what kind of girl would do this behind her bf's back? i'm sure u wouldn't tell me bout it if i never found out..and don't think this is no big idea just cuz ur feelings are only for me and u love only me..put ur feelings aside cuz we both know where it's at..but take a look at what you're doing here..just your actions..read all those stuff again..these are not the things you would do to me out of love..it's things u do if i didn't exist in your life..you're not thinking of me when you're doing these things..you talk to guys for pleasure..and that really isn't right..u should do that with me only..i mean..sure talk about the stuff you're into..but no need for compliments ok? it gives them the wrong idea..i mean..sure say "your favorite artist is cool, i like them" but not "you're so cool i like you" u should see the difference in that...ok? i'm not trying to change u..just letting u know how i don't like what i'm seeing..and picture me doing this behind your back see how u feel..and yes this is a big deal..why? cuz i got a problem with it...and what i hate most is that a whole bunch of people can view your site (even your friends) when u say only strangers can see it, and u won't let me view it..i'm glad i looked at it again....well what's the point of a journal when other people can see it? u say u wanna make good use of it in the future..why duz everybody have to see it? if u wanna keep a record, use geocities or sumthin store ur writings in there..why post it up and try to get popular on the net? why u need so much attention...is mine not enough?? you're really pushing it with these guy friends of yours i mean it now..it's makin me feel like shit..are u gonna do sumthin bout it?...if u love me, u'd at least try to make some girlfriends who are smart and cool enough for you...and if u don't love me then keep having ur guy friends and be all into them..just don't tell me u love me anymore..cuz that only means you're not in love..shows that you're into other guys and u wanna get to know them in case we break up or watever..that's the only thing i see in this image and i know u have no explanation to back it up. shit i'm late for school...see ya later
It kind of sucks that I have a boyfriend that doesn't trust me and doesn't look on the bright side. We had a conversation yesterday. He said that he doesn't get jealous anymore because I'm sleeping with him. Hmm, and now? Just because I said I love you to another guy. Gee says it's a sacred word, and I do agree. But it's only a sacred word when feelings go with it. Words are nothing without the thought along with it. The only reason he's angry about this cause he's jealous. And now he wants to change me again, saying that I should be this way and if i do this then say goodbye. If he's not happy about the way I am, then you should've said bye a long time ago. Why is he still in my life anyways?? Makes me wonder. Why did I get back with him after our 2 month long break? you forget everything when we're having this kind of fight. makes me want to fucking leave him already. But i know that it's not that way. Its just the phase we go through, i've been through it so many times that I'm familiar with it.
My boyfriend has some nerve to tell me what to do. What do you call that? My friends calls me "whipped" and everytime they walk by they always make that whipping sound. LOL! I just always thought it was funny, but I never really thought about it.
He's always jumping to conclutions and make up stuff to make his arguement more dramatic. And why the hell is he still looking in my pita page. I told him not to. Damnit, I don't even want to start, just thinking about this is making me exhausted. I have an asshole for a boyfriend. a Fucking asshole. Ramble on and on and doesn't even know what he's argueing about. i don't want him to read my diary so don't read my diary, no questions ask. I let other people read my diary because they don't know me personally. I don't even want my close friends reading my diary because i'll be talking about them. Jeeze, simple. Since my boyfriend is one of the "main" characters in my life, is it a good idea to read about the crap I put up about him? NO!!!! SO DON'T READ IT IF U DONT WANT TO GET HURT!!! Like what's happening right now. Never argue with someone's personal thought. If you look through someone's personal things, you are BOUND to be hurt. There is always a way, that is why I don't look through lee's things anymore. Well, I still do, and I still do get hurt, but do I start complaining to him like a fucking little child like he is? HELL NO!!!
Ugh* sis and her boyfriend is obviously fucking right now. I can definitely hear the bed creaking on and off like ... ofcourse, someone is HUMPING!!! ugh* Damnit, save it for later, you have other days. not when I'm home for goodness sakes. Damnit, Ihave a fucked up sister. I hate her so much. She is a fucking pain in the ass. Especially at night. I hate sharing rooms with her. She always keeps me up at night. DAMNIT!! Like yesterday she tells me, oh, i'm not taking you to school tomorrow so sleep now. HOW CAN I SLEEP WHEN YOU MAKE SO MUCH NOISE WITH THE BOOKS AND I CAN'T SLEEP WITH THE LIGHT ON!!!!!! I hate rude people. She calls me stubborn, she's the fucking stubborn one. Rude people get on my fucking nerves, quite happens that I live with the biggest one.
Ok, i go to school with the biggest rudest people in the whole wide world. Ok, maybe the biggest ones are in New York.
Ok, the arguement with my boyfriend is still going on and I keep getting more and more angrier. Ugh* He pisses me off! He's so full of crap. Making up more bullshit to back up his side. Even bringing up the past (the time when I didn't love him) to back up his story. Only a fucking idiot would do that. Seriously! And now he replied to that zhakaas forum to.. i don't know, humliate me?
Ok,I was just chatting with my boyfriend and we just basically argued. *sigh* Ok, here's the conversation:
04_24_02
04_24_02pt2
I just got so pissed off and it just added and added. It takes me a while to cool down, so I guess he was supposed to wait for hours and hours. The only reason I was mad at him in part2 conversation was because of the replies he made in this forum
and yeah, whatever he said got me madder and madder, even when he was being sweet. I know I was wrong on that, but what got me madder was the part when he made me sound like I'm having all these fun with other guys and not him. He should know, how could he say that????
Tuesday|April 23, 2002|02:10pm|a--aaa---aaaa--*sigh*...aaachoooo!
Damnit!! I think I'm getting sick. I sneezed about 10 times today in class, and then 3times at my office aide class. I just got home and I feel somewhat better after the shower.
today was so boring. I wanted to fall asleep in the class. Gabriel got caught bring a 1800. Yeah, he went to B4 and just took a sip of it and Yenealth or however you spell her name came by and drank a sip. I was sitting like right there infront of him and I was like "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??????"
well yeah, he didn't care, he just told Lucas to give a look out. And yeah, I went to class and Mr. McDonald walked near the room and I made this comment to GAbriel.
"HAHA, let's just hope that Mr. Mcdonald doesn't do a bag search today"
Two seconds later, Mr. Mcdonald asked Gabriel to come to him with his backpack.
I looked at Lucas and Kenny and asked them:
"Oh shoot, does he know or something??? Who snitched???"
That was our only questions in our head. Who the hell told on Gabriel.? And later in the day, Mrs. Ibarra kept on walking in and out of the class. Oh yes, we took a practice quiz so we couldn't talk. Michael Brown walked in the room and told us that Three people snitched on Gabriel. He said, one for was Octavia...
Later in the day, Octavia and Sam got into this arguement. I thought it was a little itty bitty one, as usual you know. Like with her, she never gets into this huge arguement with anybody. Well yeah, it turned out that she and he was serious. They were getting ready to smack each other up really badly. haha, i could imajin it too. Sam punching her, and her kicking and socking him. Well yeah, Dawnese pulled Octavia and brought her outside of the classroom and Mrs. Ibarra quickly grabbed the phone to call Mr. Mcdonald. Bwahhaa, isnt' that enough for one day????
The arguement continued on to after school. Gabriel was still in the office, found out that he didn't get into that much trouble. MR. Mcdonald and the principle was making jokes about this whole thing. It was unbelievable. I would think that GAbriel would get suspended or expelled for bring alcohal in school. Hello!!! yeah, i am his friend, but it's.... er! You have to be 21 to drink alcohal, and that's illegal. My gosh! he violated so many laws, he even made Artudo drink some alcohal. They both got into trouble. Well anyways, it's 2:37 and umm. nothing to do. Today was oh so boring, I have to stay home all day today. I no longer have evening classes on tuesdays and thursdays anymore. Fridays, and thursday are the days that I usually go out. Ugh* I have a feeling my sister reads this. grrrr!!!!
Monday|April 22, 2002|07:53pm|*cough*cough*
I won't hide my tears.
baby don't go
waiting for so long
I want you so
come on hold me strong
I'm still listening to that song. I reallly like it, even if it's poppy. And even if it's the kind of music that i don't usually listen to. But I have to admit, it's a really good song. =D
click here if you're clueless about what I'm talking about
Er, well, yeah. =B I need some new music in my life. listening to RAmmstein isn't enough. oh yeah, last night. bwahhahaha!
I was so bummed about having to have to return the Rammstein CD back to my friend. Then my boyfriend was saying that he should let me borrow it for one more then my boyfriend told me the way to copy the music from the CD to the hardrive. WHAT!!!!?!??! Bleh, i should've known this a long time ago. Darnette, i had to know about this 12 oclock last night. Well, just today, I had a weird conversation with Vichetht. haha, it's weird. He actually reads this stuff i put here.. o_O Oh no! That means...... he knows.
*buzzes off into space and trips Vichetht off the cliff and then whistles*
hahha, I'm only kidding. Don't hate me! bwahahha.. It's just cool that you actually read these things.. I'm not encouraging you to do that more, actually I don't really want people reading *everything*. Today's classes were alright. Nothing boring.. and uh.. nothing entertaining. Darn, no fight today. Oh wait, I'm wrong.. At fourth period we saw cops pulled up infront of the school. Sandy and Charley started ducking. Hmmm, interesting. Well anyways, after school the cop was in the office talking to Salene. I didn't wnat ot be around there, cause that would be rude listening to their conversation so I just pretty much asked Michael what happened and then asked him why he's OCS. He said that Salene has cops all over because she got caught running away and that they're going to make her move with her other relatives. And Michael says that he's OCS cause of last time. (he punched the door when Mrs. Ibarra acused him of doing something..) I saw his nuckles the other day and they looked really beat up.
I was ease dropping on some conversations today. Same as usual. Selling dope to the T9ers. *tsk*tsk*tsk* They were so stunned when they found out that I don't smoke weed at home.
This one guy in my English4 class in evening class always smokes after school. LOL, what a loser. He thinks he's so bad. That's so hilarious. It's almost like he's "trying" to show off right infront of me. Cause like, once I walked behind him, he started grabbing a cigarette from his pocket and started smoking it.. What a loser!!!!! If you want to be a drug addict, smoke other stuff other than cigarettes. You want to be bad, heck, I'll even give you my friend's number that sells drugs.
It was so hard to believe that Elizabeth Muneton uses drugs. I mean, illegal drugs, welll, all drugs are illegal, but she smokes mara something something.. you know. Mary J. Well yeah, anyways. I know for sure does drugs. Umm, i forgot what's her name. Oh yeah, Daniel. All the time, even before she comes to school. She comes to school looking tweeked.
Damnit, mother is so annoying. she just had to throw my stuff on the floor. I have my retainers in my bag too, what if it is broken. It's all her fault.. bwahhaha! yes, blaim mother so I can get another one. Alrighty well um.. where was I? I'm guessing this is getting pretty long. Hmm,, I borrowed a book from English today. he returned my essay saying that it was bad. Bleh, i got a 2. LOl! I know, it was really bad. I was planning on asking him if I could get it back so I could rewrite it. It's due in two days, I turned it in a week early because I thought it was due that day. he should freaking say the dates like. 04_bla. youknow. not... "wednesday".. Hello,details please. Ugh* mother just loves complaining doesn't she. Whenever I'm having fun, she wants to ruin it. bleh!!!!!
----8:22pm----
Ok, I had trouble trying to get to that deviant art site that Kevin F. told me to go. =\. I keep going to this site:
http://auto.search.msn.com/results.asp?cfg=DNSERROR&FORM=DNSERR&v=1&q=kevinfrancis%2Edeviantart%2Ecom
Oh well, it's just the deviant art site, that's all.
from the moment i laid my eyes on you.
so honey tell me what you want to do oo..
cause my heart is getting lost inside of you..
baby don't go.. ooooohaahahh. baby, don't go!!!
DON'T GO!! DON'T GO!!
DAMNIT!!! Mother wants me offline.. ALWAYS!!! When I'm having fun, she wants to ruin my fun. What the hell..? Oh well, sigh* I think I'm kind of moody today. yeah, I think so. I was about to sock this one asshole in the eye today just for nothing. WEll, just because he gave me this stare. Asshole, I'll kick your fucking ass!!! Bleh* GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom wants me to watch me COOK!!! DAMN FUCKING DAMNIT!!! I HAVE A LIFE!! AND I'M LOOKING AT IT RIGHT NOW!!! Damnit, she wants me to watch her cook??? What the hell? i know how to cook... well, alittle. Damnit!! I feel like kicking something!!!!
Sunday|April 21, 2002|11:58am|OW
Owies, my tummy hurts. I ate too much candy yesterday. I should really layoff the candies. Ok, well anyways, i signed up for www.zhakaas.com yesterday. That forum site is actually pretty cool. Well, I like it. Actually, I really like. I know it would be cooler if they have more options and more people. Hehe, it just started anyways. April 18, that's like... a couple of days ago. In a few more weeks or so, it'll grow bigger. It's great that I'm one of the first members. *smiles* hahaha. Alrighty, well, hmm.. This is the first time this time that I posted at an "AM" time. Er, I'm listening to Rammstein and they're still the coolest. i wish I can speak germain.. is it german or germain? or is it just germany? MAN! my spelling is horrible.!!
yesterday I ate all of my sister's chocolate so I had to buy her a some new chocolates. =\ And.. I ate those, too. Er!
Today I met a new person. He's actually pretty cool. I'll just call him Vic just incase he doesn't want his name out or something. ugh* I can hear my boyfriend groan. yeah, it's another "guy" friend. This time, he actually wants to talk to me. =D And then he sent me this site: kevinnfs.tripod.com. I have to say that, that site is one of a kind. I really like the graphics. Grr, I gotta take out that those stuff on the left. I should do it right now. It looks crappy.!
----2:14pm----
germany version
Author: Rammstein
Song: Ich Will
Added by: Webmaster
Date: 2002-01-18 06:49:57
Ich will/
Ich will dass ihr mir vertraut/
Ich will dass ihr mir glaubt/
Ich will eure Blicke spuren/
Ich will jeden Herzschlag kontrollieren/
Ich will eure Stimmen horen/
Ich will die Ruhe storen/
Ich will dass ihr mich gut seht/
Ich will dass ihr mich versteht/
Ich will eure Phantasie/
Ich will eure Energie/
Ich will eure Hande sehen/
Ich will in Beifall untergehen/
Seht ihr mich?/
Versteht ihr mich?/
Fuhlt ihr mich?/
Hort ihr mich?/
Konnt ihr mich horen?/
Wir horen dich/
Konnt ihr mich sehen?/
Wir sehen dich/
Konnt ihr mich fuhlen?/
Wir fuhlen dich/
Ich versteh euch nicht/
Ich will/
Wir wollen dass ihr uns vertraut/
Wir wollen dass ihr uns alles glaubt/
Wir wollen eure Hande sehen/
Wir wollen in Beifall untergehen - ja/
Konnt ihr mich horen?/
Wir horen dich /
Konnt ihr mich sehen?/
Wir sehen dich /
Konnt ihr mich fuhlen?/
Wir fuhlen dich /
Ich versteh euch nicht /
Konnt ihr uns horen?/
Wir horen euch/
Konnt ihr uns sehen?/
Wir sehen euch/
Konnt ihr uns fuhlen?/
Wir fuhlen euch/
Wir verstehen euch nicht/
Ich will/
english vers.
I want
I want/
I want you to trust me/
I want you to believe me/
I want to feel your eyes/
I want to control every heartbeat/
I want to hear your voices/
I want to disturb the peace/
I want you to see me well/
I want you to understand me/
I want your fantasy/
I want your energy/
I want to see your hands/
I want to go down in applause/
Do you see me?/
Do you understand me?/
Do you feel me?/
Do you hear me?/
Can you hear me?/
We hear you/
Can you see me?/
We see you/
Can you feel me?/
We feel you/
I don't understand you/
I want/
We want you to trust us/
We want you to believe everything from us/
We want to see your hands/
We want to go down in applause - yeah/
Can you hear me?/
We hear you/
Can you see me?/
We see you/
Can you feel me?/
We feel you/
I don't understand you/
Can you hear us?/
We hear you/
Can you see us?/
We see you/
Can you feel us?/
We feel you/
We don't understand you/
I want /
----2:38pm----
Hi Hi, once again.. blah. those lyrics is from the song Ich will by Rammstein. Grr, it's already up there. yeah, i put the english version down there.
I was chatting with my friend today.. Here's the convo:
text/Merry.htm
It's about her moving out the country and her new "boyfriend". yeah, she is my best friend but sometimes it seems like most of the things she tells me are bullshit. I was already talking about this in my archives. This one:
second*
at {Tuesday, March 12, 2002
03:05AM|Happy Anniversary}
Merry cut our conversation short, bleh, she got disconnected. Oh well, i doubt she is moving to Washington. I bet she won't. She told me a few weeks ago that she was moving to palmsprings, and did she? No. Ok, that's in my second archives. bleh. =\ What am i saying? She's my closest friend, but it's just hard to believe that anybody would lie this much. Well, like that just to get attention. Her ex was right, he knew more about this than I do. Oh well. She'll later learn, I can't help her. Marcos was right, I can't do this for her, she has to figure it out for herself.
Well anyways, I was watching Cowboy Bebop yesterday. Ths is the episode that I saw:session07
The next episode is the episode when I started to really watch cowboy bebop. Heavy metal queen is actually pretty cool. I know why she hates Bounty Hunters so much. And her and spike befriended each other which made it cool. =D I love the cat!!! hehe. That cat is sooo cute!
Agh* My friend sent me this scary site.. Well, not scary, scary.. but. well see for yourself. I'm not going to make this into a link though, i don't want them tracking me down and then kill me. But, this is wack!!!
http://www.theneworder.org/
Trying to make a new colt or something? Scary, I'm getting away from things like that..
----9:35pm----
Baby don't go...
I LOVE THIS SONG!!
http://hometown.aol.com:80/naughtymatrix/baby_dont_go.wma
Baby, don't go! If I heard this song months ago, i would definately have cried. Seriously, and horribly.
April 19, 2002|7:24pm|*sigh*
While I was searching through google with my name, i noticed that AGAIN someone has said that I'm a copy cat. Damn, why does this happen to me. How could my friends do this to me. But then again, my blogspot, i left alone because i didn't know what to do. Damn, now that i know a little bit more of this stuff, i noticed that it was my fault. If i left it there, the direct link there would make an effect in her site. Figures why she put it in copy cat. Damn, I feel bad! now i can't get it out, but i did delete the account. *sigh* and about love-productions. That was also my fault, i should've known not to trust some stranger. Damn! I feel horrible!! I'm still not over that one yet. I really want to make it up for both of them. I wonder what more are there out there. *sigh* hmm.. I hope love-production isn't that mad at me. I looked around the page and I was so amazed at how nice it looks. Everything, the graphix, and everything else. and i noticed that she even made a blog there. I think I can sign up, but i have a big feeling that she hates me. While I was surfing around in her page, i couldn't help but look at her wedding section. LOTS of information, just how I want mines to be. pictures are nice, and did i mention that they both make a wonderful couple. hmmm.. I feel so empty, i don't know why. is it because love-production hates me, or is it the google one. or maybe it's because my boyfriend just left me to go somewhere just a few hours ago. oh, and another thing. I felt so bad about the whole thing, i even signed that one email thing to love-productions. I know that she has my IP address now, but I guess that will be the only way for her to forgive me i guess. I wonder when was the last time i felt this bad. Ok, i should stop now.
April 19, 2002|4:30pm|Rammstein
Ok, well I'm listening to Rammstein right now. I borrowed it from Lucas. He let me borrow two of their CDs. I think I'm listening to the first Cd or the second one. or whatever, i don't know. hmm.. hehe. I have no clue what they're saying. hahaha, Germain. he sounds like he's spitting all the time. bwahaha, it sounds really nice. Damn, I'm trying to find an opportunity to take out the trash so no one can find what is in the bag of trash. ^_^ if you know what I mean. agh* I have to go pee. ok, back. Damnit, it's like they're having a car show in the garage. blah! hmm. I think this Rammstein is hardcore rock. hmm, yeah, sounds like it. Err, I have to go fix my mother's room now. then after that, i have to cook rice. hmm, had a good time today, the only downside to today is that we only did one thing. =\ . ok, that'll be all.!bye
April 16, 2002|7:06| New Template
i did this all by myself. Before, i made some person do the page for me and later I find out that she stole the design from someone else's. agh* Oh well, if they can't do something right, you have to do it yourself. Ok, i did this all by myself, honest. |
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