Mondays.

Mondays are evil. Mondays that you have to get to school early to study for a test the next day are worse. I'm in denial. And in a very sad state of life. I hope I don't get any surprises when I go for class later. Because I'd been trying to check whether there are additional makeup classes for the Christmas and New Year holidays. If they did, and I wasn't aware, then I'd have missed two lessons. Unretrievable two lessons since I don't have anyone close enough to borrow notes from in class. Safe a friend. But I don't think she went for class. And she doesn't really... copy notes.

Well, because my lecturer had pledged a long time ago that he'd ALWAYS make up for lost classes in the same week. That's why I'm so paranoid. He didn't inform us of anything. WELL, I'll just go there and pray.

The Wedding Singer.

Songs I'd want to hear on my own wedding (although the angbaos might blind me and impair all my senses.)

Those frothy ones
1) Sixpence None The Richer - Kiss Me (it'd be funny if they played don't dream it's over during a wedding. HAHAHAHA. ok. i shall not be a satirical bride.)
2) Shania Twain - You're Still The One
3) Stacie Orrico - I Promise
4) James Morrison - You Give Me Something
5) The Pussycat Dolls - Stickwitu
6) Atomic Kitten - Eternal Flame
7) Westlife and Diana Ross - When You Tell Me That You Love Me
8) 98 Degrees - I Do
9) 98 Degrees - My Everything
10) Atomic Kitten - Cradle
11) Christina Aguilera - I Turn To You
12) Christina Aguilera - Save Me For Myself
13) Corrinne May - All That I Need
14) Corrinne May - If You Didn't Love Me
15) Daniel Powter - Love You Lately
16) Frankie J - More Than Words

Something not that Banquet.
1) The Goo Goo Dolls - Stay With You
2) Blessed Union of Souls - She Likes Me For Me
3) Corrinne May - If I Kissed You
4) Corrinne May - Save Me
5) Deep Blue Something - Breakfast At Tiffany's
6) Five For Fighting - Something About You
7) Jason Mraz - You and I Both

Really old school stuff
1) Firehouse - I Live My Life For You
2) Bon Jovi - Always
3) Bryan Adams - Everything I Do (I do it for you)
4) Elvis Presley - Love Me Tender
5) Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling In Love
6) The Platters - I Only Have Eyes For You
7) Heart - ALL I WANT TO DO IS MAKE LOVE TO YOU

If I get really lazy, I'll just play the enter collection of Frank Sinatra. OMFG. Why did I go thru all that hassle in the first place!

BROKE.

I have to pay $2020 to RELC for my upcoming May final exams by next weekend. I WANNA DIE.

KILL ME.

Resolutions and Dissolutions.

Isn't it funny that meanings of dissolutions include debauchery? I like.

Well, I have resolved within myself to do a few things this 2007. Although it looks gloomy/bleak/abyssal/fucking depressing from 03/01/07's perspective, I can't not give credit to the few things I'm looking forward to. Here's lists of things I'm not looking forward to and things I am so freaking excited about.

Peeves for the year.
1. Final year exams.
2. Impending job hunt.
3. Consequently, religious CPF contributions.
4. Financial independence. (not to be read with positive connotations.)
5. Tuitee's PSLE. Brrr.
6. 22nd birthday.
7. Paying my debt.
8. Paying for my own transport, food, bills, toiletries, whatever.
9. Saving big time.
10. Working.

I NEED MONEY.

What I'm looking forward to.

1. Sugar and I's 2nd anniversary.
2. Our bear's 1st birthday. (okay, i'm sick.)
3. Earning lotsa money, if possible.
4. Getting my first mini bonus. God Bless.
5. Treating all my loved ones with my paycheck.
6. The possibility of having a great job opportunity. I love power.
7. There's really nothing else to look forward to.

I pretty much hate 2007. I don't want to stop being a student!!! ARGH.

People’s Republic of Concubines.

I wrote this two days ago.

Well, no offense to those who come to the beautiful country who spat out the pearl of the Orient. But, I have been rather perturbed by the upsurge of these foreign female fellow homosapiens doing more good than harm to our little red dot.

On the NEL, it is inevitable to see throngs of these imports, locking fingers, amongst many other things with local men. They speak with a thick accent that is holds no reluctance in exhibiting their most feline of tone and diction. Something Singaporean women will say “Eee. Siao ah!” to. I often watch myself develop goosebumps when I am close enough to hear all those flirtatious disses between these inter-national couples. And, think about it. Seeing a middle aged woman go all manja is not a healthy sight. They throw princessey tantrums, and on one occasion, I was unfortunate enough to overhear a highly sexually connotative discourse between two people. OMG. I was flabber-disgusted. It was terrible, terrible! Keep it in the bedroom. Or better, keep it in China!

Well, the trend these days is that they don’t necessarily go for loaded men. As long as they get to nab some Singaporean flesh, they are contented. I have people I know being stranded in their relationship with the imports. A married man, divorced his wife, abandoning his beloved daughter, to be with a PRC KTV hostess (we can almost call her an escort, euphemistically.) who is married in China to another man. Isn’t it funny that Singaporean men complain about how Singaporean women aren’t chaste and traditional anymore, that they want virgins and shit, and they end up with village bicycles? They condemn Singaporean women who philander and get involved with other married women whom they actually PLAN to get married to. That’s the scariest part. They don’t mind getting MARRIED to them. It’s not just a fling. Or affair. They call it. LOVE.

Another instance involves a single man who got attached to a young PRC who claimed she’s pregnant. And is demanding shitloads of money. I wonder is it that Singaporean women are infertile or what but, those PRC chicks sure get pregnant easy. They are so talented.

The worst thing is, men, with their ego, refuses to acknowledge the fact that they are a threat is possibly every aspect of their lives. They all claim that they aren’t that stupid, are wise enough to steer clear from them, or at most, fuck and leave, and then, at the very end, claim they are deeply in love and can’t live without their Made-In-Chinas. What is wrong with them?

Maybe Singaporean girls aren’t that adorable. Or maybe we’re too lazy to please men. Okay, maybe we just suck. Or that we don’t suck enough (hahaha). But I think this trend is becoming pretty pathological.

How can they stand the accent man? Can you imagine what they say in bed? When I stumbled upon some communist porn some time back, I almost died. Laughing. And I don’t think they shave their pussies since they don’t even shave their armpits (one of those sit on train and PRC holds on to handrail above head nightmares). Do men feel more macho going all guerilla? And they always wear those granny undies. High waisted ones distastefully under their low waist hipster jeans. God help me! And what’s with that pork floss hairdo. GODDDDD…

I know of nice Chinese wives. I have seen them, spoken to them even. They are genuinely, nice, ya know. Not those who come over just to wreck marriages. There’s nothing wrong with striving for a better life, I have no qualms about that. But claiming property of what belongs to a wife and three kids is just, immoral. And disgusting. And just plain SALA.

The worse thing is the guilty men say that “they are less money-minded and have lower espectations”. Yes, like $20,000 is the average amount of money I spend on shopping a day, you know. Fuck, that’s $100,000 RMB! They can build a house man!

And they say those PRCs are really in love with them and not after their money. Yes, they apparently are also in love with their husband/children/boyfriend back in China and they don’t love your money. They just want to make it their own.

So Singaporean men, not all Singaporean girls are as mercenary as you think. Stop believing in these urban myths. Just put in a bit of effort, buck up. And you’ll find love here. Or better, just STAY MARRIED to your current wife, if you already have one.

I HATE THEM… I HATE THEM!!!

Safe in a crazy world.

I was reading my old blog entries, and I am glad that I've become who I am. Although I sound bimbotic with my head in the clouds and heart with Sugar, I'm much happier now. Not in spurts because of things that I come to own or experience like in the past. But something deeper. That underlines every single day of my life now.

I might not be as angsty, inspired, passionate about being quirky and statement-making. But I'm in a better place. I'm in love. Really in love. With someone who loves me more. I'm so freaking happy!

I shall start the year narcissistically.

Happy New Year! I have a dimple!

Winker(sic) Wonderland.

I have no idea how a 5 day stretch could end such quickly. We had steamboat with my parents followed by some coffee at the cheesecake cafe on Saturday, buffet last night with Sugar's friends, and we exchanged presents. I love the shade of purple Kailing got me for the nail polish. It's so... ME! But Red Earth nail colours are so overpriced (to me) so I think I'd be suffering from heart wrenches when I use it.

And next. I got my 4th bling (the couple ring with a small bling, the purplegold pendant and necklace with a bigger bling, the solitaire with the biggest bling and now...) which is a pair of diamond studs. I HEART! But it's darned expensive for a Christmas present and so Sugar decided to make it my Xmas and Valentine's present because he won't be in town for V day next year. I've never had someone bought so many blings for me before!

I'm glad Sugar likes the Hugo Boss Selection fragrance I got him. It smells wonderful.

Well, on a very, very happy note, with a little reluctance because Sugar is going back to camp,



MERRY XXXMAS!

So now it's settled.

We're going to meet up on Tuesday 19th. I'm having dinner on Monday, Orchard Tuesday to get a present for Sugar and birthday dinner for Ning, Tuition Wednesday (that happening 3 hour session), Cardmaking Thursday, Whole day class and meeting Sugar in the evening Friday and then it'll be the Christmas weekend. And after all that Christmas mayhem, I'll be having a birthday celebration for my beloved Jialin. Then on Wednesday it might possibly be another 3 hour session for tuition. OMG! I'll be itching to meet Prasad on Thursday for SATC and blue cheese, but I might be stacked with assignments by then since it might be test week already. OMG.

And that slut might be working by then. How am I going to meet him? And by then, in a month, Sugar will be leaving for India, leaving me all alone for his birthday and Valentine's. Thank you so much SAF. I love you.

Well, I'll be getting my assignment grades this coming week. OH NO. Everyone says SIM is "so easy" since we don't have projects and no graded assignments that will account for a certain percentage in the gross. BUT, what they don't realise is, we're examined for hoard loads of theory since we're not continually assessed. I'd rather we had modules. Get it done and forget about it. Now, it's like Alevels over and over and over again! And it really depends on how you study your degree. I do all my tutorials and try my best (try la) to revise. Someone can slack and not care, but it's my last year and I want to score above 60 for three subjects. HOW!!! I want my bloody second upper. Argh. HOWWWWW. I have 2 second uppers now. (I have three 2nd upper grades but two of them are foundation units and have to have their scores combined) and one for Psych. Or I can get another 2 second uppers with a good min combined score. My hopes are on OT and ICP. Because I doubt I can do well for Corporate Finance and Law. ARGHHH.

All this talk is depressing. And I'm alone at home on this beautiful Sunday morning. We don't have family days. But we're kinda still functional. Now I know why I need Sugar on weekends. OH MY BOY WHO'S OUT FOR RANGE. Hurhurhur.

Sex and the city. Back to where we began.

Well, I hung out at Prasad's place this afternoon and had a great time, gorging myself with blue cheese, blueberry tarts, Menotti desserts and some Korean ice cream. I feel fat but superbly satisfied. And having watched a big chunk of satc today over at his place, I realised a few many things. Firstly, I have forgotten all about quirky dressing since I last watched satc. I'm always so inspired to dress up really weirdly after salivating at SJP and I ought to start. You know, I have an awkward dress sense though, I seldom exhibit it. Because I sincerely believe my schoolmates have weak hearts.

Okay. So I need to put my wardrobe into a new perspective. Second thing, about back to where we began. I remember when I was in Junior College, possibly because of me being under a heavy dosage of old world literary materials, I was obsessed with everything that was "old world". You know, the settings you get in Jane Austen, Thomas Hardy like books when women still wore petticoats and corsets? The traditional notions of love, whether it's in the stables or by the river. All such things mesmerised me. And it was in today's satc marathon that I realised I have gone past that phase. Prasad concurs and thinks it is definitely a sad fact that we've grown out of the old world view and found ourselves gagged with contemporary views and consequently, trash. We grew cynical, about life and even romance. If not for Sugar, I'd not have stepped out of that chilly realm that offered nothing but sarcasm and angst. Now, I just reduce myself to a mindless moonstruck being that has no struggles with the world. I also found out that I no longer look at the characters in satc with envy (save the dresses). I realised I have found peace within my relationship with Sugar. I am most contented with the state of affairs and have never been as satisfied as now. Sugar might not be that old world poetry yakking romantic but he's a romantic no less. Something about him makes me feel that I don't need to depend on those I don't need to anymore. That people can come and go, as long as I have him as a constant. No matter where my gradient brings me, I am happy with my gar-y-intersect. I'm so cheesy!

Still on back to where we began, I bought a bottle of J and J baby oil and have been using it as eye makeup remover. OMG. It works like a dream. And it's cheap. And it doesn't make me tug away my lashes (they are depleting) because I can use them with my fingers, without a cotton pad. I am so pleasantly excited. I decided to get that when I watch a taiwanese programme that said that those commercial oil makeup removers are nothing but oil, preservatives, fragrance and additives so that they can be mixed with water for easy rinse-off removal. That's it! So I figured if I soak up all that oil with a tissue, I can do without all that silly add ons. Viola! I'm happy with my new found method.

I knew I am a genius.

Quiz the whiz.

OMFG!

Because I am a Man.

I've always been quite a technical person, having played with bulbs and circuits when I was young, never leaving to be my Dad's apprentice when he used to drill and hammer all about (he has since aged and gotten lazy and well, drilling makes my Mom crazy.) and I've always liked Lego although I was equally obsessed with stripping my Barbie dolls bare. Hurhur.

Well last night, I came online to search for a tutorial and found a page that taught me how to change leather watch straps. I bought yet another cheapo watch over the weekend. Actually it was a gift from Sugar. I chose it myself, saving you from thinking Sugar is a miserly opportunist. If he hadn't paid, I'd have gotten it myself. I got two watches. One of which had too masculine a strap for my chichi ensembles. Having bought another cheapo watch that was faulty but with a nice strap (when I say cheapo, I mean below $3.) I decided to change the strap MYSELF because going to a shop didn't make sense. I'm proud of myself for being so, MAN. Sugar knows he can depend on me. In fact, we both agree that I might be the one who'd change the bulbs when we move in together in the far far future. I actually wanted to learn how to change a tap from my Dad but I wasn't at home. Bugger.

I have always liked doing all those handyman tasks with my manicured hands. Nevermind that. I just love that element of surprise when people just drop their jaws when I tell them I just drove a nail into the wall to hang a picture. When they manage to close their mouths, their eyes will protrude in the direction of my long nails. Fun.

Okay la, I know I'm childish. You'd think I'm quite cheapo to not mind cheapo watches. My mentality, as is regarding everything else in life is that, if I can't have the best, I'd rather save the money. I wouldn't waste my money on a Guess? or Fossil watch because I won't settle for anything other than this -->



Rolex Oyster Perpetual Lady-Datejust 179159 in 18ct white gold. 26mm. Pink mother of pearl dial set with diamonds. Bezel set with brilliants. President bracelet. Bracelet reference 83139.

OR THIS.



Similar, but in platinum. Oyster Perpetual Lady-Datejust 179269

Just in case anyone of you become a billionaire and have too much money to spend. Thanks.

Before that, I'll just be utilitarian.

Sugar's Mom

is undergoing an operation at the moment. The surgeon responsible for her operation was supposed to operate on her this afternoon. But because of the woodlands stabbing case, there came two hurt 50+ uncles, one with outflowing intestines. Nice. And darned stupid. The surgeon even smiled when the nurse informed him in the afternoon that he was needed to stuff those intestines back according to Sugar's Mom. Jaded, numbed surgeons. And he prolly smiled because that stabbing incident evokes no sympathy at all. Two drunkard uncles stabbing each other is pure idioticity. Argh. And now having Sugar's Mom's op delayed, Sugar has to stay with his Dad in the hospital for his Mom to be well and done. Sugar's niece Xuan Xuan was silent throughout the entire visit to the hospital this afternoon. Sugar told me she was sad and didn't want to talk. Even that day, when his Mom went to see the doc at NUH, his niece refused to eat her favourite bbq chicken wings and cried when she wasn't allowed to go into the bedroom because her granny was sleeping and they didn't want her to disturb her. Xuan Xuan only livened up when her granny could move around a bit and allowed her to lie on her bed. This is so moving. And it's really worrisome. She had pushed her doc visit back time and time again, for an entire week before it got unbearable last Tuesday.

I hope she recovers fast. Somehow her family has been having quite a few of these hospitalisation cases. My Mom was suggesting that they'd go say a prayer or two at the temple. It doesn't hurt to be superstitious.

She's going to be out in an hour. I hope the op will be a successful one. It's terrible when you see good people suffer.

Bugger.

I have to finish my International Comparative Perspectives essay today. And damn am I feeling lethargic. I just want to not do anything, but heck. Well, I heard Jialin telling me one of the questions are pretty easy because the outline has been provided. Well, normally when I do my lecturer Nageb's essays, I would want to do the toughest so that I know I will be able to tackle worse ones. But this year, I'm feeling uber grouchy and so I guess I'll stick to some foolproof question. I packed my notes altogether and my ICP notes alone is around 9cm thick. Thanks. Well, sans the readings, maybe they'd be at most 2.5 inches thick. Argh. ARGHHHH. Okay I'll go do the essay now and shut up. And damn is Sims hard to play. I'm a bimbo. And my house costs $140,000. Bahahaha. I love cheats Well, my character has a lousy bladder like I do. And she peed on the ground. HAHAHA. Okay. Nevermind. ICP essay here I come. Argh.

I really have a lot to say.

But not much time to tell. I've been having tests and papers and all I want now is to be free of all kinds of responsibilities and resume to be a single cell moonstruck amoeba. But then, I have to organise a birthday gathering. Which, not to say I detest but am absolutely in no mood for. I'm pretty unhappy with life at the moment and I just feel plain tired. Give me a break. But I find myself being obliged to do so because they are old friends, although I find no motivation and meaning to do it. Things get warped when expectations become obligations. Now the planning feels like a chore up ahead, like another Organisation Theory essay which, I am glad I have finished. I adore the birthday girl. I'm not wanting to push away this thingie because I see no reason in celebrating her birthday. It's just that, I don't want to be the one getting it together because I want to be an idle brat. I really want to. Fuck. I'm pmsing. A voice in me is telling me to just procrastinate till her birthday is about to arrive, piss the others off by not planning anything and in the end, they'll take over the task. Or, start now and bitch at people for not attending. Well, I have an ns-ing boyfriend that I want to chat with from 9.30 to 10.30 every night. I have tuition on Mondays and Wednesdays. I want to spend my weekends with Sugar. Maybe that's why I'm so grouched up by group outings. Because we need to compromise. And that takes time. I just like to give a call, set a date. Done, the next thing, we're having coffee.

Well, maybe I should stop being a bitch and continue complaining. But I doubt I'll be getting the present since I really am not going to town or anywhere shoppable for a long time. I'm not sure I even have the numbers. And I'll prolly have to pay 5obucks once I reach there cuz I owe one of them some money but because she doesn't know her account number and gets distracted getting it, I have yet to transfer her money. I'm at the most broke of situations now. And I am fucking frustrated. No time, no money, no fun. I've not even met Prasad. Or Linda. Or gone shopping with Jialin for ages. I am just. Ah. Fuck. I hate life. I'm thoroughly broke and exam fees come early next month. 1.8k. And I've fallen short. I'm feeling so terrible now that I'm not even planning to wear makeup to school today. And that irritating lizard that bugged me this morning in the bathroom with the tail that looked diabolic just got me started on the wrong note. Okay, i'm feeling better. I'll just text the girls tomorrow to meet up. The thing is, they don't reply all the time, just like me. Bah. I've not been doing these things since JC choir time. I know I shouldn't be so freaking lazy but, I really want to be, if Santa could just bring me a little time and money in advance. Well, some time back, I thought I was too easy and didn't know how to say no. Now, I've learnt to reject offers and said no to my friend and she wouldn't take it for an answer. The only holdback is that they celebrated my birthday for me too. But the truth is, we really ain't that close anymore. And it makes that pseudo-proximity kinda hypocritical. I'm glad I have "high school friends". But a sad truth is that, they've told me they didn't really like me then anyway. And I'll always remember that. And sometimes I feel terrible to hang out with people who have told me they disliked me inside. They prolly are going to hate me from now on with this solliloquy. But somehow I don't really care. Because it fucking hurts if I do. Ah. Enough. Time for school. I have to re-enforce the fact that it's nothing about the birthday girl. It's a problem I have with myself and the world now. And I apologise if any would feel offended.

Introducing:

My three babies! My laptop, the banana and the carrot.




So cute.


He kinda has a guai lan face. I bought it for Sugar to make him place it in his bunk cupboard. Unfortunately, his duffel was too full and didn't have any space for this cute little creature. It is actually to embarrass him, although I partially want something by his side that he can hold, squeeze and kiss lest he goes for those guys in camp who have outrightly hit on my property. Excuse me. His head resembles a breast from the back, sideways.


That's a very hairy breast with an extremely excited nipple!


In return, Sugar bought this cutie for me when we saw it at bugis. He's a little dirty. Damn those ill-behaved kids in bugis who prolly tortured him. Nevermind. He looks uber-cute nonetheless. Such an innocent looking chap! You just wanna kiss him!

But the real point of these cuties is that.

They're bears disguised as a fruit and vegetable! How cute is that!

LOL.

I love my bears. And I love my Boy. Hmmm. To think someone nicknamed him a bear sometime back. Rawr. Hell hath no fury of a woman scorned.

Blogstalk.

I'm kinda searching for blogs of those teenage camwhores. Because I'm just really itching to see what they blog about, besides their boy boy and girl girl and pet hamsters and new puremilk teeshirt.

Well, I don't seem to have the talent to search for those blogs anymore. Okay. I am feeling guilty for splurging my time on these useless pieces of information which includes a detailed account of TomKat's wedding. Apparently, they had a 5-tier white chocolate cake and a pair of cartier rings with diamonds and their wedding picture actually looks far from fantastic with Katie looking awkwardly uncomfortable, trying to crouch down so that Tom looks that bit taller. And what's with the lighting? Their faces look oily and, and! It looks like it's taken with a 2.0megapixel camera godammit. Boo boo. To think they employed Brad and Jen's photographer. Aren't they afraid of getting jinxed? Or does Scientology not believe in these things. Bahaha.

Okay, I shall do a Wed n Thurs schedule for myself!

Tomorrow. 1.00-5.30. OT in school (plus draft out essay.

Thursday. Finish OT essay and do Law tutorials for L9/10/11. Eeek.

Sunday. (Since Sugar is not available on that day. Hurhur.) OT test revision. Attempt other essay question.

Yipee. Sounds packed. But I know I'm not going to be able to accomplish that. Boohoo. Aiya. Nevermind la. try la huh. Okay! Let me read through Fordism now.

Tests and essays, and a recalcitrant flu.

Makes me feel like killing myself. I am so. Argh. Frustrated. Sometimes I just wish that I can just lie in Sugar's arms, think about nothing, do nothing, but try to synchronise my breathing with his. And look up at the prettiest face on earth and see him smiling at you, like he always does when you look back at him.

Sometimes we are too hung up with the notions of true love, that we forget how in love we really are. It seems like, although I've been with Sugar for a mere one year, it feels like years, already. And when I start drawing comparisons, trying to make this the most credible relationship of relationships, I realised I just have to get back to the basics. How do I feel when he's around, and when he's not? We are past our honeymoon stage, so no butterflies in the stomach. What comes after, I realised, is something passive instead of positive. Like, it's no longer that you feel eager to meet him but it's that you cannot imagine not meeting him and can't bear another weekend spent with him shooting planks and targets when you walk around your 120m sq flat in complete idleness.

I always keep my emotions in check. When I accidentally blurted out the first syllable of my ex's name when I was meaning to talk about Gary to Prasad last evening, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. Why did I do that? After having my feelings played like a broken record for my very own assessment, I thought it was prolly because that name is still stuck in my subconscious. And means nothing more than that. Because, when I look back at that person, I have not the slightest residual feelings for him. I feel totally at peace. And poor Sugar has to bear the brunt of all this mental malfunction, when my mind trips and I say the wrong things. Well, one thing for sure, Sugar's face was plastered all over my mind when I made that blooper. I wanted to tell Sugar about it but thought, heck. It's not a major issue anyway, although I felt terribly guilty for making that mistake. Because it's the past. And I justified that by reviewing my own thoughts and affirming the fact that, it's the past and it wasn't borne out of any semblance of reminiscence about the past.

Sometimes I think these bloopers I make assures myself that this guy I am with is the right one for me. Because I never had to chase, I never had to play mind games. The most I needed to do was to sew on his badge for him on his number 4 uniform collar after it fell out, act bimbotic and be showered with so much. I feel, very lucky. And very cruel on that same note. Because somehow, my brain comes up with weird issues to plague Sugar's mind. Even though they don't matter in principle, they remind him of all that disappointment he had to face. Sugar, I'm sorry. Now I know why I'm sick so often. It's my retribution. Argh. Godammit.

There's something really wrong.

With the generation these days. From a silly MOS party promising a fight between two boys for a girl (presumedly looking like Jessica Alba or it'd be a spoilsport) to covering themselves in senseless tattoos and donning that lip piercing, labret or not (okay, I am guilty of wanting one some time back. but their studs are SO UGLY. haven't they heard of BODY JEWELRY???) without really knowing what they're doing. Self-expression? Well, it doesn't really credit you if you have a tattoo on the back of your palm because, you're gonna be working for the next 40 years of your life after education, if you get educated, and that really, is like a stain you can hardly scratch.

C'est la vie. My ass.

Well, somehow they feel oh so repressed and restrained they're pulling weird stunts. And with the media full-fledging its glory and the internet offering so much, I think the young these days kinda got fed with information that was beyond them even before they could seemingly grapple on morals, values and what really is reality. They have no sense of respect, and have a severe lack in decorum, and have no understanding of consequences. Okay, non-conformist or not, you have to be discerning still. If you're a blind non-conformist, you're as good as a communist.

Alright, I'm making general, sweeping statements here. But from what I've observed, there are too many salient examples that are as such.

I'm kinda worried. And sometimes disgusted.

Who would have thought they'd draw the line in between 1985 and 1986 to segregate Gen Y and Z? Although I really think, we're generation x. I feel comfortable in my generation x. With people placing tattoos and piercings not for others but for themselves. And when spice girls were still loving each other. When Madonna was still like a virgin and Britney still said she was one. I think I've got the Carpenters, Cardigans, Crash Boom Bang mindset.

Maybe we were all in that phase once, well, I was, when I hurled vulgarities and was trying to be some ultimate lian. But, well, we still had the word called respect in our adjectives. Which, is a diminishing element in our society anyway. I should have died 5 years ago, before A-levels. ARGH.

We kinda grew up fine. With double the school syllabus they're having and little freedom in electives or whatever. Repressed? Restrained? We couldn't even bring handphones to school in the past! (Of which I did. Hurhur.) We could only seek solace in our Sigg bottles. And hit our heads with them. They have no idea what is called, stress. We had to do 6 lit texts on top of poetry, drama and prose. BEAT THAT.

I hope they'll turn out fine. I hope.

Cutie pic of the week!

Love that slutty look. <3

On days when I am geared and fresh.

Well, I finished my law essay, after hours of breaks watching taiwanese stars on youtube and fondling my scv remote control and I am feeling pretty good about myself. The feeling that you know your work is terrific. And I'm prolly gonna remember these things for a very long time. That's actually how I pass my mocks and stuff. By remembering what I did for class assignments and tests. They really work, dammit. Because I'm not someone who can copy wholesale. I need to digest it before stringing it into pretty, pretty sentences with loads of conjunctions, paraphrasing and shit is analogies. Okay, I know I literally suicide myself, literally, but I have no choice. I love mingling my thoughts in jargon and weaving them into nonsensical phrases called sentences. Well, as you can see, it's quite apparent that I'm in this writing frenzy at the moment. I am exhibiting the purest of verbal diarrhea and I am loving it.

As if finishing my law essay wasn't enough, I went on to finish my tutorials. I feel sooooooo accomplished. Although I still have two pending tests and two pending essays to come, life is beautiful for now because I feel like the smartest woman on earth and I've packed my room in a mere 5 minutes. No mean feat. And it's gonna be friday. And Sugar just might be released (lol) tomorrow. Isn't it just great? I am so at peace with myself. God.

I guess it's human. We are all suckers for momentum. I hope this got my gears going. Gosh. I just had this phobia to write essays after my marketing episode. Now I broke it. I hope I pass my law essay. Or I'll be in shatters again.

I'm so happy. Weekend is coming. Oh. I feel so geared now that I went to dismantle the bouquet Sugar bought me last weekend, took out the forget-me-nots and other dry-able flowers, snipped off the big purple ribbon on the bouquet to keep them all as momentos. Because, well, they were lilies and couldn't last. I'm surprised they lasted a good few days. They were so pretty and fragrant. I love them.

I bought a banana bear for Sugar. I'll take a picture of it soon, together with Sugar's Sylvanian Families set and his card for our one year anniversary. Those toys don't come cheap. Neither do flowers. Argh. I'm broke.

Well, I still have to call my p5 kid to collect my pay and ask whether he'd want to continue my lessons. I hate this.

Okay, I'll stop procrastinating and call tomorrow. Okay? OKAY!

I really should finish my essay,

Damn. Off I go.

Hell.

Service charge is gonna raise from 5% to 7%.

The favourite phrase of the moment:

"Get out of my elitist face."

Cool.

Piccies!

Power shortage.

They're going to black my whole place out for maintenance. Bah. Oh ya, Sugar is out of fieldcamp. Boohoo.

In case you were wondering from the previous pictures, Sugar's eyebrows are lovingly plucked by me. His brows, are nicer than my own. Argh!

We're ONE! Plus: I'm a Lesbian.

My beloved Boyfriend and I, as you would have already known if you do read my blog because I'm a moonstruck amoeba, celebrated our first year anniversary at Marmalade Pantry on Saturday evening. It's kinda fortunate that 11/11/06 was on a Saturday, and my nsf darling got to book out pretty early on Friday.

Well, I have HOARDS of pictures to edit, compile into collages, but before all that, here's a prelude!

This is the most gorgeous man on earth to me. It doesn't matter if you don't concur. Because. You'd better not. I am warning you.


Sometimes it's hard to believe we're 21 already. We're getting kinda regressive.


Triggerhappy at Marmalade.


My bling, my flowers, and my card.




Sugar never used to be someone who wrote cards and letters. But I've conditioned him well enough, and now I get heartfelt notes. And almost all of them move me to tears when I read them. He's so sweet. And such a man. But with much regret, I am quite a lesbian. See, there's a conflict of interest. And in attempt to bridge that schism between my love for Sugar and desire to be with a woman... ...


I tried to turn him into one.


Who needs a sex change operation when you have mascara.

I just brought our relationship to another level.

And really, I'm not as demented as you think I am. Now.

He makes me heterosexual, he makes me lesbian, he makes me pedophilic. Now. That's what I call a boyfriend.

p.s. I am officially sick of foie gras.

This day last year.

This day last year, I was going to puke my guts out because my gastric's messed up by alcohol. This year, I'm still feeling like I'm going to puke my guts out but on top of that, I feel flu-ish as well. Great.

This day last year, Sugar and I kissed on the dancefloor. This year, we've started sneaking kisses in between doors.

Two days before this day last year, Sugar and I went to Marmalade Pantry for our first date dinner. Today, I'm going back, with the brave intention to upgrade my pan seared foie gras from a starter size to a main. Yes. One. Whole. Big. Slab. Of force-fed goose liver. I personally have nothing against this. Because we breed chickens and we kill them for food. Same difference. I've blogged about that before.

Do the math and you'd realise Sugar and I got together 2 days after our first date. We went through a whole lot of hell finding out about each other, and now, yes. Our relationship is one year old. I am so proud.

Happy 1st Anniversary, Sugar. I love that bling sitting comfortably on my fourth finger, and I love all the memories you've given me. I realised I'd been sick quite a number of times in this one year. And everytime, you'd be there showing your concern, trying to make me feel better. Whether it was sponging me throughout the night, or hugging me tight when I was aching all over. I'll always remember the things you've done for me.

I'm grateful for all that you've done. And I'm so excited about what you're going to do for me, in days, months, years to come.

We've come a long way. Thank you, my love.

Smile!

NG WEE TECK!!!



I'm a pedophile.

Unnamed.

I've decided not to name my laptop as of yet. Anjelika suddenly sounds a little too tacky for me. During my conversation with Jialin, she asked me why I'd want to name my laptop. I said it's my baby and I have to touch it everyday. So as practical as a Capricorn ought to be, she said "then why not just call it Baby?" Uhhh... Hmmmm.

I love my burgundy baby. Haha. I guess I shall just differentiate it from my other baby by this little adjective before it. Somehow Sugar got a little jealous when he realised I was missing my laptop more than I was missing him when I was in school that day. Hahaha. He should know the excitement for material things are transient. And wait for the novelty of this newfound laptop ownership to wane off.

Realised how wane off reads like wank off? It's just my brain. And prolly my friends. Because Prasad actually thought Calvary Man sounded sexual. Please put him in a strait jacket. Thanks.

Well, now I don't even have time to meet Lin and PZ. I have 2 impending tests and 2 assignments I have no idea how to complete and icky law tutorials. To top it off, my CF tutorials have been forgotten for the longest time and I'm falling behind on OT and ICP readings. Urgh.

Prasad was telling his friend about his friends. And was telling me he told him the things I've accomplished. And I asked, faintly candidly, "What have I accomplished?" Because I seriously have no idea. I don't write poetry anymore. I don't make webpages anymore. I don't do anything anymore. Not because I don't have time. But I've lost that fervour and sparks of creativity. I'm jaded. Because I'm graduating soon and I hope my life will just stand still. Write poetry, make webpages, edit stuff, spend time with Prasad, Jialin, Lin and Sugar. Just. No responsibilities, no tuition (my kid flunk. i'm suicidal.) no nothing. I hate. Everything. I woke up with gall in my throat this morning. Maybe it's good. angst is always a brilliant propellor of things. Hmmm.

I feel tired. And I want to start writing a book. If it could save me some sanity for the rest of my life.

Ripped.

I'm ripping it off Jamie's site.



The reason why I have a tell-all relationship with my Sugar is because I fear I might be hypnotised one day, and would spill out hidden truths in a bad way.

I'd have fallen in love,

even if i met him seventeen years ago.

Wasn't he adorable? And he already had that come hither smile. Sexxxxayyy, albeit a little wrong for his age and gender.



He's sweet like a sticky date pudding. Of which, I will be having this Saturday. Can you believe it? We're gonna clock a year of fighting and babytalking in 4 days!

Oh I am ONLINE!

Well, well. I just got a laptop on a 2 year interest-free instalment plan at Best Denki. I kinda bought it on a whim. But. It's proving to be very, very wise a decision. I am glad. That I'm online. And typing. And not having my computer restart on me.

My new baby can be found here . It's Versa E6210, with a burgundy scratch-proof hard leather outters. I am so in love.

LOOK AT IT!!!

1gb ram, 80gb harddisk (a bit small tho. but i'm okay. really.), GeForce graphics card. I'm a happy woman, la. And I bought a canon multi-purpose printer/scanner/copier of machine, with rabbits on the box. Woah.

She shall be named Anjelika. Sounds Russian, though she's Sino-Japanese, really.

Let's celebrate!

I'm blogging, blogging, blogging.

What's the point when all my inspired topics to blog about have disappeared with the indonesian-forest-fire-haze. I wanna talk about the validation of one as an individual, how the education ministry has made the syllabus so comprehensive that we really just need some semblance of thought to survive, about prcs and their sexcapades with married men, and many others. I just am getting very akinned with the social side of things these days. It's good. The lack of ability to use the internet has made me a very, very atuned person. Yeay. Now I know why some masters go up to the mountain tops to meditate. I get it now!

Bloggette.

By blogging, I am giving excellent proof that I am not at home. Yeah, not at my first at least. Sugar's computer is always stable like timber. And it's a very comforting notion.

Anyway, this is almost ceremonial, but I'm itching to put up a few pictures because I haven't been able to and my blog now looks like a thesis turned bad.







I know they're already on my friendster. But, heck!

I watched Hard Candy yesterday. A show about pedophilia. Interesting when a kid actually becomes more freaky than a grown man who takes pictures of half naked preteens. Well, child pornography is wrong, especially when you already have lesbian ones. But! It kinda reverses the idea of submission. If kids were all that intelligent, malicious and psychopathic, would pedophiles still fall for diaper sex? I mean a preteen, sans innocence, isn't really a preteen anymore. Isn't that what they look for? Vulnerability, helplessness, innocence, unscathed by men and the dust of humanity? Or do they just like tighter genitalia. BAHAHAHA.

Okay, I'm sick. But I do not like pedophilic activities and that saves me from being sicker. If you'd have to know, I think my boy is quite a man. HAHAHA. Okay, what was that laughter for.

To Hell With Her.

My computer got a little to cranky for my liking and so I hauled that old PC of my brother's back into my room, a P3, 666MHZ, 20GB darling who refuses to log onto the internet.

So I am actually, unofficially, PC-less, or internet-less at best. And that bugs me a great deal because there are so many things I wanna blog about these days and both computers fail me. ARGH.

Anyway, for our 1st Year Anniversary, Sugar bought me a diamond ring, solitaire placement, at SK Jewellery. Because cut, colour and clarity do not matter, yet. HAHA. I'm very pleased with my ring, at a gruesome discount which still is, to my dear NSman's horror, about 80% of his monthly allowance if not more. I am thoroughly touched by his selfless indulgence in my petty argument that our couple ring had gone solo for a long time, since his Bintan trip and am feeling rather lonely and meaningless. It is sometimes very satisfying to be able to get what you want when you want it, because I know I will give him what he wants, soon after he wants it too. We are two crazy shitasses. Bah.

This relationship is the greatest monetary stakes involved so far. I'd never spent so much on someone. And neither had he. So it's cool, you know. I'm an equity person. I don't mind splurging if the other party shares the same psyche. Well, Sugar up to date, with his significant presents have spent around a thousand bucks, other small gifts not included. I'm trailing close behind.

So, Sugar is kinda broke. I'm kinda broke too. Come January, I'll be 2000 bucks poorer and prolly be tutee-less. That is uber-bad. But, I still have plans to splurge on Sugar when he comes back from India.

Vivocity is madness. We have yet managed to conquer the entire place yet. Soon, I suppose. My feet were hurting only when I got home. And, I was wearing FLIPFLOPS mind you! But somehow, we couldn't find the fastfood restaurants. Interesting. How can a megamall go unscathed by junk food producing MNCs?

Well, I got to spend 4-5 days with Sugar over the weekend. Great. Very, very nice. Now, now. 3 days more.

I kinda snapped last night when Sugar tried to be funny with me. I yelled at him and he, in turn, got worried. Yes, yes. When all fails, plead insanity. But I genuinely felt like killing someone. Not myself tho. Not these days.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I suspect my PC has OCD. Because she shuts herself off periodically. I have given up on trying to find the triggers to that phenomenon. I have GIVEN UP. So while I can, I am glad that I have found my urge to blog.

I'm kinda disappointed with homosapiens these days. Oh dear.

Here Is Gone.

I feel resurrected. My computer, with it's recent spur of bad moods, has died, and been born again thanks to Compaq's system recovery. I kinda thank god now that my system was partitioned. And so, I really hope my computer doesn't start by itself anymore. However, it also means I have lost ALL my pictures, songs, whatever, on my computer.

The recent problems could not have been caused by pornsites because I have long kicked the habit that I never complained about. I wonder what happened. Nonetheless, I am tremendously happy that my computer is alive again, tho without adobe photoshop and Microsoft Office. I am downloading Firefox now because I'm a Mozilla lover.

I've told my Sengkang tuitee's Mom that I'm quitting right after his exams. OH LORD. He brings on a new level of anal retention. Constipation so bad, you don't even feel like shitting.

Alright.

I fucking hate this!

Last week was bad, this week's worse. My Sugar is still in camp. And his next weekend is burnt. Fuck NS. What's with keeping them in till dinner on Saturday? I'm sorry, Mindef. But you all seem to be all ill-organised waste of human resources.

Holy Gayness!

Sugar feels utterly restricted by his regiment, and having seen two MALE dogs making out and having hard ons is definitely not a good sign. He sighed, and said "This place is so terrible, even dogs are turning gay!". Well, there hasn't been any gay sidekicks hovering around my dear boy, so there isn't any fear that he might turn gay anytime soon or resort to beastiality with those dear dogs. But what was disturbing was Sugar's vivid description of the dog's erected male genitalia as being, "red". ARGH! Oh yeah, they prolly are doing that because the only female dog in camp is like, old. They definitely do not have MILF fetishes.

A day plus to go before I see Sugar again. It feels like eternal menstruation! NOOOOO.

Barely Legal.

I have Law assignments to chew on. But I've never liked doing work on weekends, since I'm just now the eager puppy waiting to get my bone (or boner. KIDDING!) who is currrently safely tucked away in Lim Chu Kang. I don't understand how his bosses can find so many grass patches to trim a la prison grass cutting exercise, squating down with a pair of cumbersome but highly inefficient snippers. I don't understand. SAF can invest in tens of thousands of Gore Tex jackets but cannot find the budget to get a lawnmower. When I think about mowing lawn, I think about Desperate Housewives. Whatever it is, I think it is rather dumb that they keep poor little boys in camp till late afternoon on a weekend when there isn't really a valid reason to. It's like they're doing it because they can and simply that. OH GOD.

Anyway, I guess I shall enjoy my Law assignment early Monday morning. I'm even thinking of going over to school early on Monday to chow down that recycled pulp. Well, I am very IRRITATED. Because it's already 2, and Sugar isn't even getting out yet. It's worse than last week! He got out at 1.30pm1

I'm irked. And bored. But am excited about wearing my newly made necklace. I pieced it together. Well, I've been thinking about making accessories for the longest time and that was a good start. I wanna sell them, but the market is quickly reaching its saturation. Whatever it is, I wanna own a business one day, even if it means importing tomyam flavoured condoms.

Bored. Bored!

www.lightamillioncandles.com

I lit two candles. One for me, and one for Gary. And I wrote these in the "I want to say" box.

Some would say to pedophiles "How could you? Imagine if they were your own children." The scary thing is, sometimes they really do.

It is beyond a fetish. Child pornography is hardly equivalent to rape. It is worse.

Take some time from your porn-surfing and light a candle at the website. Unless you're watching child-porn. Because you deserve to die this very second. Screw you.

I was the 243,843th lighter. Gary is the 244,045th lighter. I'm glad the counter is jumping. =)

MIA.

I haven't been blogging much, or blogging at all, because school has started.

We've always heard manifestations of how the power of love knows no boundaries and how it can change a person. Well, for me, I awed myself. But it has genuinely taken it's effect on my good ol' brother. Who, after having gotten attached, has become rather, well, better. He's more sensitive towards things now, like, how he has began to do things with others' feelings in view. Which, really, has remedied the most prominent of flaws of my brother. I am very appreciative of this newfound, good relations!

Alright. Sugar is booking out soon. BYE! I've gotta go bathe. And please, please listen to Christina's Back To Basics. Cover to cover, please. IT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NICE.

The Morning Blog.

You'd have realised that I've started school. And having a CPU hidden away low-level a metre away from my usual comfort zone helps in deterring me from switching it on. And getting online. And. Well, I've been dealing with the post-POP now in Armour Infantry boyfriend and I really feel that the future is bleak. Why? Because he's gonna be in bloody Lim Chu Kang for the next two years, and India, in february. My love for naans and thoseis do nothing to alleviate the fear of that impending bout of misery I am expected to withstand. I mean, well, it's just Valentine's right? A part of me has Prasad, my best friend, who's currently dating 'A'-levels for the 4th year running to finally break up from that dusty cambridge piece of shit and be single on Valentine's. And I can groan about having my Sugar kept away in India to an Indian. How nice.

Yeay. Sugar is on the phone with me now. HAHAHAHA. Wooo.

My eyes are sore. And I'm raking up a cough. Good luck Joanna. I'm going to school without eyeliner today. Arghhhhhh.

I'm such a bimdo!

When the word...

Passing out comes to mind, I have a mental image of Sugar fainting time and again as he walks towards me at Pasir Ris MRT station.

The Baby's camp is going to be at Lim Chu Kang. OH LORD KILL ME. Rawr. I'd have to travel alone then, to his place to meet him. And to think I was secretly hoping he'd get posted to somewhere in the east. Heh. TOO BAD! Oh my baby is going to suffer. Poor thing. ARGH. Badbadbad. My nose's condition has sprung back after a bag of Ruffles. Argh. Shit. You should never have chips for breakfast.

The Boy is passing out.

Together with my cousin. Interesting. But I'm only going to fetch him at the interchange. Because the injured soldier can't march, for the sake of the medical excuse and so, it'd be kinda anti-climatic for me to get there, peng gang myself in Tekong heat and not get to see my boy standing there in the parade square.

I've been sick since Sunday. The last thing I knew was blowing out green mucus from my nose. All's better now, although I can't taste a thing I eat. I hope my nose recovers soon. OH! Gotta go. Seeya!

The Nose.

On days like these, I wish I was living on life support. Because my nose is bloody irritating me, leaking and all, causing me to sneeze a fatal 10 over times a day, and causing me to wake up in the middle of the night as if I dreamt that I drowned snorkelling.

Now, I have to get ready for tuition. A 3 hour session, no joke. I feel like a very disgruntled person now. But, not too bad. It's the P5 kid whom I have shamelessly declared my favouritism towards. I didn't get anything for Teachers' Day, prolly cuz the parents think I'm getting paid so I ought to teach and am not doing them any favour. OMG. I was a little sad on retrospect. But I don't care, really. As long as I get the money.

School starts next week and my 4 day tuition weeks will take their toll on me again. God, I feel sleepy. And rather bewildered. Having watched The Butterfly Effect, I have a good load of newfound respect for Ashton Kutcher, Demi's toyboy or not.

Love Stories

i'm watching Love Stories on Channel 5 and I'm crying like a thunderstorm. OMG! The stories are so touching. And only being able to hear from Sugar much later is making me sooooooo emo!!! Boohoo. The stories just make me really afraid that our love wil fade away one day, especially when the shows I watched before this one were about this estranged couple on Channel 8 and Life Stories, this story about a woman whose husband fell in love with a PRC and even threatened to kill himself if his wife denied him the divorce he wanted. OMG!

I'm just crying like an idiot. And Sugar has guard duty this Sunday. HUR HUR. I HATE THE WORLD.

The weekend

Was yong tau foo (Imagine me meeting Sugar's Grand Aunt and Uncle. Wa damn nice la their yong tau foo.), ass-kicking chicken pie, satay, super oily but super nice char kway teow, fried prawn mee, fried oyster egg, curry chicken, chips, ice cream, chocolate. OMFG.

I'm so bloody fat!

Futility.

I know tears are as futile as Tsunami aid programmes. But I was such a wreck this wee morning, I cried, wept, whatever, about my results. I sudden;y realised I've lost the core of belief in what I'm pursuing. I am somesort disillusioned because Marketing had always spurred me on, taking this degree, because I thought it was what I wanted to do and a UK degree could just be my entry proof.

My dreams have now been bashed. And I can't help but wonder how an employer will react to my transcript. I wanna do merchandising, purchasing, marketing. POOF. I seem to be only good at analysing people but not persuading them. And I sure feel like ripping the examiner's mind apart.

I have churned our 1st class honours essays. But everything is just so useless now. I thought I was the linguist. Somehow, I can't sell. I JUST CAN'T SELL. Maybe. I don't know.

I've classified my Marketing as FLUNKED.

I am NOT well at all.

Happy Teachers' Day, Lin! Thanks for your Victoria Secrets Body Splash. It smells lovely. And it's growing, on me.

I bought a red wide belt yesterday. I also, happened to buy a pale yellow top, god forbid. I look fat in it but I don't care. Cuz I look fat in everything anyway! AHAHAHAHA.

I need some self-depreciation.

I pretty much fucked up. A little.

My results are out.

2006 UOL25 PRINCIPLES OF ACCOUNTING Credit 60.0
2006 UOL36 MARKETING Credit 38.0
2006 UOL75 HUMAN RESOURCE MGT Credit 58.0
2006 UOL79 ELEMENTS OF SOCIAL & APPLIED PSYCHOLOGY Credit 65.0

I have no first classes. I flunked my Marketing, which I was aiming to get a 1st class for together with Psychology, and I think I can forget about getting into the Marketing field. Fuck. I'm fucked. Marketing was the only reason why I took Business bloodymotherfuckinggodammit. I am. Very. Affected. And I got a 2nd class for my Accounting when I thought I'd fail. Marketing. What the fuck went wrong? I got essays printed out for the class for that man, what happened this time?

I am the hybrid.

I really think I have different voices in my head, and saying I have a split personality is not enough, because I don't think there's only ONE split but many splits. And I can't neglect my different voices, or fail to credit them because they'll start making my head hurt. The headaches, I often camouflage in the good and understood name of a coffee addiction.

You see, I might present myself as a hardcore wannabe (Oh I love oxymorons.), with all those talks about blood and gore, death, vampires, pain, scarring, bleeding, self-injuring, slicing and illustrating it with my trusty eyeliner and eyeshadow combo. I love the dark, the broody, the neurotic, which pretty much characterizes most poets within the last century (The modern world is old. Coughs.) and the contemporary of late. By the way, do you realise pieces have been moving from the "Modern" themes of death and suicide and i-wanna-die-because-it-won't-change-the-world to more up to date pieces that talk about i-don't-wanna-die-because-it-doesn't-change-anything-anyway. From knowing that we can't control the rest of the world and trying to kill ourselves, we've become creatures that try to change the world and realise we can't control OURSELVES. We're just plain screwed!

Okay anyway, as I was saying. I love black and red, I love morose phrases. I love hearing my love tell me he'll kill me and will die for me all the same for the sake of love. I entertain pessimistic thoughts, I celebrate the inevitability of sins. I am somesort anti-christian (I AM NOT ANTI-CHRIST. I JUST HATE RICH CHURCHES FOR THE SAKE OF THE GOOD LORD.) because I thoroughly detest people telling me how to be good and be daddy's girl and go to heaven. I do not like self-righteous people. I talk about sex, and pornography over the dinner table. I'm non-social. And I constantly think of beating people up. Oh, and I have black, black hair which is turning into dreadlocks because of the lack of treatments.

But, just like how I like red and black, I like pink and gold too. I am, a Jolin Tsai fan. Yes, you'd have realised that whole chunk of disclaiming information above somehow was to facilitate this worthless confession. I adore Rainie, Jolin, embellished nails, glitter, lace, Chinese MTV, Taiwanese vanity programmes on channels 52 and 54, flowerpod forums, and own a whole barrack of cosmetics. I'm someone who forces my Mom to continue buying toilet paper with flower motifs because they are so cute.

I love jazz, and I love rock, I love live band performances and I own a black studded belt. But I, also, have downloaded the entire Jolin Tsai's latest album. And. AND, watched her videos and performances for the past 2 hours on youtube.

My greatest giveaway would be my nails. That is, if you catch me, like now, with a ditsy french manicure with bling stones stuck on my thumbnails. My nails are NEVER bare. And maybe how I act bimbo in social situations.

People are surprised at my knowledge of chinese songs. How much Taiwanese television I watch. They NORMALLY think I'm all Englishified and Edgar Allan Poe. And then they stare at my nails, and my overdose of blusher and diagnose me with personality disorder.

Maybe it's my desire to be everything, to know everything, to be good at everything. Maybe it's a Gemini thing. I want to be surprising and prove to people that their judgements are wrong. I don't want to be an open book, which I make people to believe I am then hyperventilate when they realise the truth. Ask Sugar, he knows how well I can act.

On top of being the goth girl, the jolin admirer, I am, also, the cake-baking, cooking housewife, the love letter-writing manja girlfriend, the tabloid-surfing bimbo with an A-cup, the pseudo-philosophical bitch with a whole lot of jargon, the poet, the writer, and the idiot who constantly thinks she's depressed and need lithium. Oh ya, I am also, a struggling business student. I forgot.

Whatever I am, whoever I wanna be, I am glad Sugar is rather accepting and somehow, very, very open-minded. When I bugged him to download Jolin's album, he promptly did, pretty assured I won't turn into an ahlian overnight and hang a thousand furry trinklets on my mobile phone. Actually, a part of me always wanted those ching ching things. But a part of me DETESTS them. I'd rather not have them. My V3i looks really decent plain. When I got my hair permed, bought a red miniskirt, did my nails in baby pink, Sugar had no complaints. Wait. IS HE INTO AHLIANS? Guess not. He is afraid of those furry things on mobile phones. HMMM. Damn. He's quite ahbeng too. You know, it's funny how we both had coloured hair for the longest time before we met each other, and when we got together, we both had dark, naturally black hair. I find that amusingly, and coincidentally, ironic.

I think I am quite an influential and contagious figure. Prasad starts using my weirdassed terms after sometime, even Jialin. Sugar now babytalks big time. I don't suppose he used to do that. Because I think other girls would suspect he's got some childhood trauma unresolved and so he believes he still is a kid and is in a relationship to be breastfed.

As confused as I might be, it's fun to be so many things. You won't run out of things to say, or do. Your brain will always be in action. I don't believe in "being myself". I believe in choosing my favourite side for a particular situation. I don't know whether that makes people love me more, but that nabbed me the most adorable guy on earth, and I am pretty proud about that.

The Day I got Creative.

The day I bought Sugar a Creative Zen Vision M was the day I spent the most on someone, other than myself (come think of it, I haven't spent that kinda money on myself for YEARS), was the day called yesterday.

I'm a miser, but I'm in love. It sets me back on my savings plan, but I'll live, supposing I'll be continuing my tuition assignments well into the next year, I hope, I pray. Really.

But you see, Sugar and I are big on splurging on each other because as practical and mecenary that might appear, we actually think money sacrifices are huge signs of love. Not because we're materialistic, but because we've so little of money (hurhur), spending on each other is like a rather BIG act. I'm not complaining. I'm getting my fair share of precious stones. Hic*

That said, I'm glad my Sugar has regained his man tits. I am REALLY happy. And like a teenager fondling his girlfriend's breasts for the first time, my Sugar is all excited about his new gadget and imaginary friend. Thank lord it still works when I scream for attention. And thank lord again he's got hundreds of my pictures in his Creative player.

Happy getting a 100m bucks Mr Sim! We've just upped your stocks a wee wee bit. =)

I really should start saving.

I'm going to pay for my own exam fees next year. Hopefully I clear all subjects this year (I'm really not sure about accounting) and only need to pay around 1.9K. I've saved 1.3 as of now. And I will need another 6 hundred. I'm planning to get Sugar a big gift. So. Well. I hope I get to pay my own exam fees. Hopefully my kids don't drop me. Or I'll be poor like Rwanda.

A few things.

Creative's got 100million from Apple. To celebrate the victory of Sim Wong Hoo over Steve Jobs, Sugar is getting a Zen Vision M. Actually, I think I'm going to sneak my atm card somewhere near the cashier when he's decided to get it and pay for it. You see, it can cover our 1 year + Christmas + Birthday present. That's quite a deal! For the pocket and the braincells.

Next. Foie gras has been banned in Chicago. Tell me, what's the difference between eating geese and force-fed geese? You kill them in the end anyway, so don't speak to me about humanitarian good and OH IT'S SO CRUEL because, darling, if you're no silly vegan, you're a MURDERER and eating un-force fed geese, ie. geese that are fed with rubbish farmers feed them to make them fatter anyway, doesn't make you less of a MURDERER you already are. Just because you let them live a nice, peaceful life before killing them doesn't really give you a lighter sentence. OH THOSE AMERICANS.

Next. Zoe Tay rather awkwardly proclaims that she swallows in a recent Imedeen ad. I mean, yes I know the goodness of those natural squirts of protein and I know women actually spread semen on their faces for cosmetic reasonss, who maybe are also being cajoled by the cum-shot embracing husband. But, hey. That's just plain STUPID of the copyrighter. Like hello, if it was meant to be funny, get Paris.

Next. Prasad's Mom is going to return on 9-11 (she's not left yet) from London. Prasad is praying that she doesn't get stopped at the airport. Because during times like these, an Indian might look Pakistani, and a Pakistani can look Middle Eastern, and a Tampon can be a nuclear missile.

I've been on such a bumming spree that, I feel DEAD. Hopefully the weekend will revive my senses a bit. And maybe take Zoe's advice. JUST KIDDING!

It's all in the knee.

My Sugar has followed my suit and gotten himself a busted knee. Well, I have a plural for that, so I guess he's counted lucky.

Queensway, Ikea, Daiso, Giant. I bought quite some stuff. 3 pairs of shoes for $25. It'd be such a shame to not have bought them!

I'm really happy. Because I enjoyed my weekend, and I'm contentedly tired.

Piccies.

Because I freaking love myself.


Because I freaking love him.

Did I tell you?

I just turned full-time on my Military Wife project. My work finished two days ago and I have since been finding some newfound friendship with instant noodles, canned soup, biscuits and my toaster, which I use to heat things up after tossing them out of my freezer. I also finished 3/4 pack of Barbeque flavoured Ruffles on my own just an hour ago. Yes, I am an independent woman. I can finish family blocks of chocolates and huge packs of chips sole-mouthedly. I am proud.

So my title of the Military Wife has now been officially, shamelessly belted. And all I have to do is bum around at home, try to beat the heat with my tiny fan and wait for Sugar to call up, get emo and quarrel with me. You know, when you become too free for health, you start having TIME to fight. Rawr.

It's Friday again. And during times like these, I thank God, and many various other supernatural beings that sometimes make me feel insignificant like a cockroach. Nevermind that.

I rekindled my love love love with Redbull. The other day, some redbull ambassadors of sorts came to my ex-office and distributed cans of it, along with telling us how the silver and blue cans have 27g of sugar while the gold, older formulation has a whooping 40g. I remember there was once I tried the blue and silver can and it sucked. I tried it again that day and it was really nice. I used to love drinking redbull cuz it was saccharine. That prolly explains the over-developed amount of male hormones in me. I am, really, a man. And somehow Sugar still finds that kinda attractive. Totally Gay!

I knew he was gay the first time he met. Because he was sitting 15cm away from me at all times on our first date. He only became closer on our second and also second last date when he prolly realised I was growing a goatie and speaking to him with my cracked, manly voice, the aftermath of a whole night of chatting with him the previous night, 12 hours ago before he met me again. I think he fell for me cuz I am such a man. I mean, he's the kind who needs a man, ya know. He's all marshmallow inside really. I mean, you should hear him Babytalk. BAHAHA!

Where was I? Oh. Linda gave me youtube links to Rockstar: Supernova and I'm absolutely hooked. I almost died when youtube went on some maintenance shit a few hours ago.



Dilanna! \m/ You rock!

Don't worry Sugar, I still love you, the most. RAWR!

The Military Wife.

Somehow, it just isn't fated enough for the military wife theme to fall through. Soon, I suppose. I just have to get hold of that NSboyfriend's cap. And I'm going to don huge hoop earrings, do a hiphop thing with that army cap with a pout or something. That's what I visualise, but you'd never know what suddenly comes up from my little brain. Which sometimes, does come up with pretty neat ideas.

It'd be a fun theme. I wanted to surprise Sugar at first but realised that, the actual layout, images and design would actually BE a surprise itself. It doesn't matter if he knew the theme. It is as far as he would have any idea how it'd look like. Ie. Me. Cap. Face. Picture. Heh.

We're thinking of bringing my folks to Pete's at Clementi or Fisherman's Wharf. I mean, I doubt my Dad has been near Clementi for decades. I was thinking, we could have coffee at Holland V. OMG I love Essential Brew. Somehow the magic of Wala has kinda died down for me. Sometimes, the best source of entertain is some attentive and sincere company. Even a kopitiam can transform into a Bistro. Hah.

Pete's has the most WONDERFUL mix grill. (NO BEEF!) Scroll down for visual aid. ARGH. Pete's... Pete's...

I personally prefer grilled food to fried stuff. Charred goodness is heavenliness!

I wanna put pictures up but I'm too lazy. Prolly after this week, when my work ends, I'd be able to flog your screens with pretty, pretty pictures.

As Linda most aptly put it, you and Gary are EVERYWHERE!

4 more days. Boohoo.

Excess Baggage.

I was going through google to do some quizzes on couple compatibility when I stumbled upon one, that enabled myself an epiphany of sorts.

It listed a few questions, dealing with the idea of having "excess baggage". Sad to say, I aced it. Somehow, although I keep telling Sugar that he should get over the past issue because I am here with him now and very, very into him, I am the only who has tonnes of excess baggage behind me, on a lease.

I started to realise that, talking about the past, comparing exes (how dissatisfied I was) and not thinking before I speak are all signs of having duty-free excess baggage, tax payable by the Boyfriend.

Somehow, it had struck me briefly before. How I am actually the demon driving Sugar nuts when I blame him for tossing the salad the wrong way. I cannot understand why I do all these detrimental things to my relationship. I try to be nice, and thoughtful and be the perfect girlfriend while trying to the the biggest bitch in the universe both at the same time.

Because I'm someone who hates to not have the things I want to be fulfilled. Normally, I have no preferences because I hate it when I can't get what I wany. specifically. So why wish for it in the first place? Be someone who doesn't make a choice by not HAVING a choice. So, I impose my wants on Sugar and sometimes they don't fall through. I get agitated and irritated and so does he. I am muddled, most of the time, depending on him to salt and pepper my food, do my bed, carry my bags, tell me where is the ladies. Yes. I rely on him, my guard is down when I'm with him. I don't think. My IQ and EQ are reduced to that of a toothing toddler. I suck bad.

So, I owe Sugar quite an apology. I know most things in this world doesn't come wrapped nicely like pralines from Godiva. Things I want don't usually happen. And Sugar and I are alike. We don't like to have things not going our ways. And so we clash. And strangle each other with our own wants.

I figured I frustrate Sugar quite a lot. Besides being fidel, I am a nightmare. And Sugar does have a high threshold. These days, he just sighs and lets out a small giggle in resignation to fate. It's easier to evoke sympathy when your boyfriend fantasizes you're a rabbit and so playing the I'm a tame, helpless, dumb animal who doesn't make a sound, helps alot. And it is when he starts seeing the bunny that he realises he can't penalise me because I'm supposed to be so poor thing aiyo lemme sayang you. HAHAHA.

I'm evil. And I'm still so, groggy in the head. It's as if there's a fog up there these days. I am reduced to a non-thinking amoeba. Split, split, split. I'm stupid. Bah.

I'll try to drink chicken essence or something. My lack of concentration is too serious for my own good. I am losing my brain cells. Nooooo...

I'm itching to start a novella. Hmmm. Maybe that'd dip my brain back into the thinking pool.

Mental note: Get rid of excess baggage.

My language,

I realised I'm becoming a tad too ill-disciplined with my use of English. I definitely should try to brush it up and pepper it with websters before I become a singlish mess.

I've been on MC since Monday. It started off as a sore throt of the century, evolved into sore eyes which later burnt me in hell with a 39.2 degree fever throughout the night. Sugar was there sponging me and forcing me to wake up and take a cold showers. It was really terrible.

I'm really not in a very, prose mood today. I might just have lost my touch on writing in English. Well, another self-help book to get, I guess.

It was really nice of Sugar to have stayed up and fussed over my fever when he had to book in the next day. Oh yeah, just before he booked in, I puked. So my week could pretty much be summed up by a MAJOR whack by Influenza. In the eyes, throat, lungs, stomach. I pray it won't happen again. Running a high fever while struggling to wipe off that boiling pus from your eyes while withstanding the pain of every blink of the eye, is, beyond humanity.

If anyone thought my MC was an attempt to escape from work, please, I'd choose work over these few days of hell. Trust me.

Suntec City.

My job is so closely bound with Suntec City, my job is virtually AT suntec city. Brrr.

I have to call up the companies there, and the offices at Millenia and Centennial Towers too. The Twin Towers. HAHA.

For the job today, I had to wear really OL-Corporate-ishly. HAHA. I feel so powerful! The powder on my face still runs and becomes rubbery. I hate it! Argh. I hope I'll find a solution too. I bought another ZA Two-way cake (I still have 2 whitening ones and 1 normal one I have not touched yet) because it came as an offer with a free ZA concealor that I've been meaning to try. Just like what they said in the forums. It doesn't provide enough coverage. Maybelline is better.

Anyway, I bought Bourjois eyeliner that day when I was picking up my Fasio makeup remover. OMG can you feel the pink bimbotic aura exuding from your very web browser now? I'm so chichi bimbo vain can. HAHAHAHA. I'm crazy. Really crazy.

Especially when you're working in this environment where the girls are pretty nicely dressed and all knows how to apply makeup, it makes me feel that presentation is very important. As much as it might be a facade, it is what people first recognise when they see you. I have realised that packaging is very important. Even if your product is fat and ugly, with the right packaging and touch ups, it can be pretty well-received. If you can sense the parallelism.

Anyway, I'll be meeting Prasad later this evening. Gonna pick up wrapping paper to wrap both MAMA and Sugar's pressies. I love their presents. I hope they love them too. OMG I have so many things to bring to Gary's place (I actually have been itching to use the term GARY in my blog but I feared that Sugar might get paranoid and think I'm trying to sound platonic with him or what. You know NSmen la huh. HAHAHA. But it's the name I first knew him as. Reminds me of the things that drew me to him, besides boredom and desperation. AHAHAHA.) Damn! Super big bag can.

Actually I bought the stuff for Sugar because they were on discount and I couldn't resist since I've been meaning to get them in the first place. The slashed price was really enticing. He is ITCHING to find out but. Tough luck, Baby. You've gotta wait wait wait wait. HAHAHAHA.

I hope he gets to book out early tomorrow. Pasir Ris today, Pasir Ris tomorrow. I'm not sick of that place yet. People might dread that place. But it's the location that I first get to see Sugar. And that to me, makes Pasir Ris helluva special place. I'm the kind whose a step short from bringing confetti there to welcome him. Ahem.

I think his campmates see me until SIAN or what. To date, I have gone there to fetch him EVERY TIME he booked out. Without fail. OKAY! Beat that. But I might just break that streak coming Tuesday since I have to work and he might just book out in the afternoon if his bosses feel good that day.

I wish he'd book out earlier, to rest. But I wish he'd not book out earlier cuz I won't be able to fetch him. HURRRRRR.

Oh and Sugar might go to the hospital to consult for his knee. If he gets medical leave on Monday and Tuesday, I won't be able to accompany him at all because of work and tuition. HURRRRRRRRRR.

Hai. Hai. This is bad.

Yakun here I come.

Weekends are coming.

We're going to celebrate my Mom's Birthday at Jumbo Riverwalk. Sugar said it's such a common place and was wondering why I'd choose it, when I'm someone who looks for specialties and exotic or niche places. Truth is, I've NEVER been to Jumbo Seafood. At least, not that I remember, and at least not in this 10 years.

So Sugar was kinda shocked that I've not been to such a common seafood place when I've eaten at so many other places. Well, we didn't go there precisely because we thought it was too common and we'd have better things to eat. And having had this mentality for so long, we ended up NOT going there at all. It's so funny!

I suppose there will be coffee after that. I hope Sugar and I will be bright and cheery that day. We're PMS-ish, and so there's no saying for sure that it'd be sunny weather on that day. I am praying hard. We can't screw up again! Rawr.

And next weekend, we're going for my BROTHER'S birthday. WHEN DO THEY END??!! Lol. We might just skip coffee for that one because we're going WALALALALA if I'm not wrong. Are we?

Alright. I've met Allegra for three evenings in a row. My sengkang kid's grandad passed away and so tuition's cancelled for this week. Tonight, I'll go home and settle my manicure! And tomorrow, I'll be meeting Prasad at Pasir Ris (no I do not fear that place) for some Ya Kun and catching up. And then, it'll be the WEEEEEKEEENDDD. Yeay!

Yippee Yippee. Tickticktick.

Over the weekend.

My Sugar has gone back to Tekong, once again. My eyes are sore, a result of constant itching and tearing. God!



Wahahaha. Even my firefox is splashed all red and black. Actually, it was because of that particular mozilla theme that I changed the settings of my desktop.


Pictures from last, last weekend. Riverwalk Tandoor and Essential Brew. WOOO!

We watched Pirates of the Caribbean on Saturday. Had Nachos with extra cheese as usual. Time sure flies, godammit. It felt lke yesterday when we watched the show. Weekends these days are junk-food eating, and just spending time together. Well, the simplest things make us happy I guess. We're not the kind who're planning to sky dive and take marriage vows at the same time. Some people think it's easy to run out of things to do as a couple. But to me, how can you run out of things to do when you aren't even doing anything in the first place? WAHAHA!

Alright. I had so much chips and ice cream and chocolate and my belly is doing into labour. Hic. I shall nap now. My eyes are burning. RAWR.

i [heart] southpark!

Hiatus.

I've not blogged for so long, my entries are now good to be kept in the museum. Oh, I didn't even have time to upload pictures I took with Sugar at Riverwalk Tandoor. I am really glad he enjoyed it alot, and we headed to Holland V for Wala's. Then this boy, expected the Unexpected (LOL) to sing at 8.30 when they only perform at 9.45pm. Waha. We ended up at Essential Brew. Had some cherry bitter tasting blend and he had some green thing. Has Jasmine Tiramisu despite being speechlessly bloated. But all was good, it was a really enjoyable evening.

You know, when you have a boyfriend in ns, the sweetest time of the weekend belongs to Saturday nights. Because you know you still have an entire other day with him, and it's when the night falls that makes the whole atmosphere really romantic and lovey (although we are so manja towards each other at anytime of the day, we make the public puke). And it's a really nice feeling. Other than that, it would be the time when we're in the lift, making our way back his home, where we can sneak a hug&kiss within that 20 seconds we have. Since he's still in green, that'd be the only, first time we can be of such close proximity. It's not easy being a military wife. But now, since I know that he can receive smses even 5 days after receiving them, fieldcamps don't look so daunting anymore. As long as when I have something to say, there's a channel for me to say it, I'm content.

Things are lighting up these days. The hellish bumps are hardly kinks these days. Everything melts when we hug each other. OH I have something to say.

You know, now it's the seventh month and stuff. Last night, my inner ghost aka his ex girlfriend aka miss maxim haunted my dreams! OMFG! I dreamt I had her many pictures in my computer, each really nicely taken, angles that flatter her face and maximise her boobs kinda thing? CANNOT TAKE IT MAN. It's a nightmare. Rawr. Sometimes, the scariest ghosts live in our heads. And are human. And breathing. And taking pictures for men-magazines. RAWR.

So as usual, this morning at 7am, Sugar called to hello hello. (You might think it's damn boliao but we like leh... Boo...) And I told him about the dream. I started whining big time about it. And then I complained about a comment he made about being together with her eons ago. Which he remembers mistakenly as an attempt to spite me, but in fact, I remember very clearly that he was actually making a JOKE out of it. And since I was like damn cool and ice queen last time, I laughed at it too. That was the time I was actually a SANE and asswhooping girlfriend. Now I'm a nervewreck. Things have changed. Before this, I was really, rational, understanding, confident, humorous. Now I'm like. Why you like that. Hurhurhur. Sad sad. Sad SAD! BOOHOO... WAHAHA.

Okay so I neh nehed him about what he said about what he reaped (pardon the pun) from that past relationship. And then I told him "When you do something really niao, I'd only grumble like a kid. When I do something NIAO. THAT'S IT."

And he said something really classic. "It's like that one what. You should have gotten used to it."

HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! WTH.

When I told him about it, I was like "I dreamt about her. PUI PUI PUI!" HAHAHA. Well, I hope she doesn't read my blog. Because, okay frankly speaking, she's done nothing detrimental to me. It's highly personal! Please don't blame me. Women la. Why am I so nice to her. Tsk.

So I tortured him abit about it. And he tried to switch topics but to no avail. YOU THINK WHAT??? I DON'T HAVE BOOBS SO I HAVE A BRAIN OKAY!!!

Alright. That's all. I hope he comes back soon. Wa blogging is damn shiok. I can rant non stop. VERBAL DIARRHEA. BWUUUUEEEEAAAHHHH. hahahaha.

I'm bonkers. GOODBYE!

8.30pm.

He only got to book out (from Pulau Tekong) at 7.15pm. I was duped!

Nevermind that. As long as he's by my side now. God, he's lost weight. I am not happy! Where are his manboobs. They used to be so. Perky. HURHURRRRRRRRR.

Surprise!

He'll know tomorrow. I'm obsessed with replacing everyone in his life. Bwahahaha.

Goodnight.

Itchy and scratchy show episode 3641721

Hello, I'm back with itching itching itching... Bah.

It's either the alcohol in the air since I'm working in a fragrance distributor, or that disgusting phone I use to call out that's made me have outbreaks on the side of my face and on my chin. EEEEEK. THIS IS LIKE EEEWWWWWSHOOTMEYOURESUCHAGROSSPHONE.

So on the day before my BIG DAY where (which reminds me, I have to get pom poms tomorrow. and some confetti.) Sugar returns. HE'S LIKE DARTH VADER KNOW. I am your father. BAHAHA.

Anyway, I'm itching. But I did a scrub, did a mask. My face should be fine. Bringing wipes to work to CLEAN THAT BLOODY PHONE RECEIVER. Hmmmm. I wrote so many letters to Sugar throughout this period, I don't even know where they are now. Uh oh.

But, that doesn't matter. 15 hours till I get to see Sugar. I NEED TO SEE SUGAR. Rawr. I planned on what to wear on. Okay, when I bought my top I think. Yes, I'm wearing new clothes. LOL.

I wanna bring Sugar to Riverwalk Tandoor but I'm scared that he's super KO-ed and would prefer to stay at home, or that his Mom is cooking. Dunno la. But I'll bring my new top there. WOOHOO. I can't find this top I bought. I thought I left it at his place. But I thought I brought it back too. Shit, I can hallucinate so well, my memory is worthless.

Okay, gotta go pack bag now. HAHAHA. Sucre sugus SUGARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Oh. Tomorrow will be Xaviera aka Xiao Xing's Birthday party. I wonder what to get for her. I mean, she's 2 years old?

Cards and sore throat.

I still have an irritating sore throat, and bulk of my night was spent making a card for Sugar. It's the. Sorry+ThankYou+IMissYou+ILoveYou+GetWellSoon+WelcomeBack card. I kinda screwed up the inside with a stupid attempt to draw a rabbit wearing a tu-tu. And so, I double-sided-taped the card and made it a post card. BAHAHAHA. I kinda like the design tho.



TADAH!!!

OHHHHH! Goodnight!

Goodnight!

I'm so happy with the collage I made today. Yeay~ I think Sugar will hyper-ventilate. I am obsessed. BWAHAHAHAHA.

Kick me with Caffeine.

This afternoon, I was getting so discontented with my life, I went to get myself a cuppa. You know, things you have to do to spark some semblance of energy when your BOYFRIEND IS OUT THERE EATING SNAKES FROM A BLOODY MESTIN AND DRINKING MUD WATER FROM HIS WATER BOTTLE AND HIS MOSQUITO NET IS REDUCED INTO A CAMOU CLOTH TINIER THAN THE MASS OF MY HAIR.

Okay, I'm exaggerating. But it's been 10 DAYS AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. 4 DAYS SINCE I LAST HEARD FROM HIM. I FEEL AS IF HE DUMPED ME WHILE I WAS IN ALASKA AND TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS OR SOMETHING. Damn.



I found more solo (or rather, pictures without me) of Sugar. WOOOOOOOOOOO. So kawaii-ne. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...


I could see life in rose-tinted lenses, only if I am resting on your breasts chest. This picture is bloody old. LOL. Yeahhhh. I was wearing my ahma pjs. I am surprised Sugar actually can open his eyes to them. HAHAHA.

2.5days. TICKTICKTICK. ARRRRRGGGHHHHH.

MAJOR SORE THROAT.

It still hurts like ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffishtank. And I am rather irritated. Gotta go sleep. My computer stalled and almost died. I HATE YOU. YOU, AND NS. 4 days to go. GOODNIGHTEVERYONEIAMGOINGTOSNOOZEANDMYTHROATFEELSLIKEPFFFFFTTTT.

I got the BMT cough.

I think it is rather uncanny that the day when you get hulled away to fieldcamp, is the day I start getting this miserable cough. After much observation, and logical deduction, I conclude that, you have passed on your BMT cough to me. Argh.

I'm working at a new place today. I'd have to make TONNES of calls and get contacts. Well, let's just say, I'm someone who bloody hates disappointment, and people to swat me away like a fly.

Well, nevermind. All for my resume, and experience. I kinda resolved to NEVER work in a chinese company. Asian-cultured companies have dusty practices (eg. clocking OT as much as possible to show commitment and usefulness) that should have been abolished like witchhunts. I was working in two MNCs before this and I love their culture. Casual, fun, even though political (it always is, everywhere.). Aiya, I just like it better la.

I sorta know what kinda company I want to work in next time. I strongly believe that, your official working hours SHOULD be your official working hours. Latest, an hour of stayback, for meetings and stuff. Otherwise, that is not called a company, that's called National Service.

A good thing that is coming out from my current situation, is that. I NEVER WANT TO BE IN THIS SHIT AGAIN. Not that I'm getting whipped or what at work. But. I know I don't want to just be an assistant and get whooshed around. MNC. Decent job. Sometimes, the industry doesn't matter, I think now. I think the NATURE and ENVIRONMENT matters more. Like. Marketing. It can be marketing anything, as long as the mechanics are the same. Interaction, brainstorming, yada. I like that. I realised, the perfect industry will never exist with the perfect environment. God made this word a gory place.

My throat still hurts like someone fed me a porcupine. It sucks. Dammit. And my colleague still owes me $2. =( WHERE IS MY BOYYYYYYYYY!

It's July. And my birthday was in June.

I'm a bloody procrastinator. But with Picasa, I'm so bloody hardworking! After making collages for Sugar, I went on to compile my dusty 21st Birthday pictures. There they are!


18/06/06. With my PEEPS at Hanabi Odeon Towers. Sweet.


19/06/06. Gorkha Grill on my exact date with Jialin, Prasad and a surprise visit by Florence. Sorry that there's only food pics. The rest didn't turn out too well. The ones which are OKAY are in another phone. My newly manicured nails cannot withstand the prying out of the MMC card. SORRY!


21/06/06. The day I permed my hair, which explains the last 3 narcissistic pictures taken in Paragon's toilet cubicle and on the NEL. BAHAHA. I'm freaking gross! 4/2 girls. Do we look ANDERSONIAN?

I made a birthday collage painstakingly for Sugar on Adobe. Picasa is a life-saver. Or else I'd NEVER find the energy to upload so many pictures and collaging on Adobe is like a BULLET IN THE ASS. Yeah. Sorry for the preferential treatment. Please understand that Sugar, is. Sugar. HURHURHUR. I am so mean! And I know I'm super zhong se qing you. SHOOT ME!

I had a really special 21st. Firstly, I'd never had anyone I was so into gone thru so much just to make the evening special to me. Top of the M, the pendant, the necklace. And the company. Still feels like a dream. Secondly, my bestie actually planned a surprise party for me! Which wasn't that much of a surprise since I found out about it anyway. The closest people to me on earth having fun together is uber-cool. (and the SATC dvd box set, and the bra) Thirdly, I got all the cosmetics I dreamt of from my 4/2 girlie clique. that's really sweet. And of course, a really nice buffet with my peeps and drinks at Hotel Inter-continental. Too bad Sugar couldn't join us.

Sugar, no matter how much fun I'm having, I'm always going to have you in mind. Don't fear that I'll ever subset you. It's impossible.

Thinking about my birthday celebrations make me so HIGH!!! But I know 25 seconds later, I'll revert to my "WHERE ARE YOU, SUGAR. HURHUR. I NEED YOU" drama. It's Sunday. 4.5 more days before that stupid fieldcamp ends. I'm a military wife who's slowly getting used to regimental protocols. I am living a double life, as an OL (wahaha) and as an NSFW-ife. COME BACK QUICK LA. I MISS YOU LA. RAWR. Dammit.

Lor Bak.

My Mom is lor-ing meat and it reminds me of the yummy one your Mom made, the Kong Bak Bao combo. I believe our Mom's lor bak tastes really similar. In fact, alot of our food tastes similar. I don't think everyone can cook stuff od the exact same taste. But the closeness of the saltiness, sweetness, even twangs are uncanny. And Mambo makes me happy... Square RoooOOoooooom... WooaAAAAhhhhhh.... Square RoooOOooooom... I'm playing songs off your portable harddisk. I miss you.






The real thing.

I even made a screensaver outta the pictures I edited to make the hugeassed collage for you.

Edit.

I switched on my computer again, to add that I watched Dodgeball. Cuz I remembered that you mentioned something about it. Bitched about how much I miss you to Prasad on the phone and a couple of friends on MSN. The WHOLE WORLD knows I miss you. Argh. I shall go sleep. And hopefully, I'll dream of you in your sexy green uniform.

The First night in the field.

I actually switched off my computer, having decided to tuck myself into bed when I realised I had not written a blog entry. Well, I don't want you to feel like you're losing sense of my life. And so I'm going to write about it. It's a way of showing you I do care about the amount of security you have in me.

Well, I am still feeling ill. But a dose of Panadol Cold Relief gives me temporary relief from the pain in the throat and all over my body.

I cooked Mee Suah for myself for lunch today. And Mommas packed back chicken/pork macaroni soup and indian rojak and conetto ice cream for me. Well, it's really sweet. I could only take the potato and fish cake for the indian rojak. I miss you.

I pretty much slept the entire day. I'm going to clean up the room and do nails tomorrow. But I hate the smell of the enamel remover when I have a sore throat. Mom asked about our quarrel last Saturday evening before the dinner. Well, things are fine. We just have to prove to them we can manage our relationship well.

I am going to sleep now. Goodnight, my love. I hope those bugs in the field will eat themselves up and leave you alone. I'm a tad worried. I am.

Because I'm lovelorn and I downloaded Picasa.

HE'S SO ADORABLEEEEEEE.

Please come back quick. *coughs and cringes at the sore throat and rolls on the bed*

Fridays.

Well, I'm feeling a little sick at the moment, due to chips ahoy cookies and I think, a tad too much tuition and work, my body kinda broke down a bit. But I am okay now. I'm going strong. Somehow, my health has improved tonnes. It used to be as fragile as a membrane. But now I can actually RECOVER from sickish feelings pretty fast.

So I was overwhelmed by the Zara sale and bought 2 tops. A black one, that's a staple, with gold tiny sequin-detail along the hem above the bust (!!!) and a green and white diagonal-striped top that makes me look SLIM! I love stripes. I'm glad a finally found one that looks really decent (ie. slim.). I'm reallllyyyyy happy.

Oh yeah, I was working for this 3-day thing that has a spiffy pantry (think magarita, vodka, macallan, jim beam, chips ahoy, danish butter cookies, old chang kee, granola bars, cream crackers, butter/cheese cakes, titbits, cup noodles, packet ribena/vitasoy/milo, coke, coke light, ginger beer (if I'm not wrong), yoghurt, and PERRIER. PERRIER. WTF!!! And of course a coffee making machine and all the yada choices of hot drinks.) On top of that, they actually pack lunch. Yesterday was some Korean BBQ set thing, today I had a smoked salmon sandwich from O'Briens. THEY ARE FREAKING GENEROUS. Now I know why their rate is so high. Ahem. Oh and they have a WINE CHILLER!!!

THE PANTRY






Besides obvious really cool welfare stuff, I had darling colleagues. Sue Ann and Candy and another guy John. They're all really friendly, especially Sue Ann and Candy since we worked together, heading out to bluff banks that they're getting cars, unit trusts, and I, that I am getting married end this year and going to buy a house, and in need of money to set up a small personal business. HAHA! We talked so much, about so many things.

I brought them to eat Subway on Wednesday and Sue Ann was really awed by how yummy Subway sandwiches and cookies are. She was raving about the peanut butter ones. And Subway>O'Brien. Anytime.

I'm a Subway Fan. Rawr.

I introduced Sugar to Subway too. LOL. I'm forming a cult.

Sugar is leaving for fieldcamp tomorrow. He's actually so busy with the preparation now that he's not called yet. This sucks.

He's booking out coming Friday afternoon. But I've got work. So he'd prolly have to go back home alone. That's so sad! I end work at 6. Sigh.

And next Monday-Wednesday, he's going outfield for some test. Although it's not confirmed, I'm not going to hear from him again. And that's terrible. ARGH! I HATE NS!

I wanna see you. And feel you by my side. Badly.

OH YA. Did I tell you I knelt on my hairband? I thought it sounded hilarious and pathetic, so I smsed Sugar immediately. And he was indifferent about it! So I took a picture of the damage done.


Keep hairbands away from your kids today. ARGH! GARY NG! Can you see how painful it was now!

I know you know.

That I want things to be right. You know I know, you can't control your emotions. I can understand. But it hurts me when you get upset. Especially with fieldcamp a stonethrow away. It smells like death and it feels like hell. I don't want to lose my Baby.

I know you're secretly looking forward to fieldcamp because it's a different experience, and I know you hate it because you're going to be confined because of that and unable to see me for a full 12-13 days. I hate it too, I will try to live through it. But it really pains me when the thought of not getting to heart from you surfaces.

I know you feel insecure. Don't let your feelings about my past affect your feelings towards me now. You know I am true, my emotions, my words. You should be proud of yourself, because you are the one who made a difference in my life, changed me from a liar to become someone true.

Everyday, I live with the fear that there's something I've not told you about.

I love you. And I will be truthful to you. You have to realise that. I'm no longer the person I used to be.

I'm starting a three-day assignment tomorrow. Afterwhich, it'd be work at another place. GOD SAVE ME. I'm really worn.

PICTURES

I collected my boy from Pasir Ris on Saturday. He looks really cute in green. OOO. I'm starting to get used to his botakness. I actually shaved his head for him on Sunday because his hair was growing fast and he had outfield next week. I think I did quite a good job. Even Joshua said so. Taking pictures on the MRT sucks. They make me look PURPLE.

In the evening, we went for my cousin's birthday dinner at Taste Paradise. Before that, Sugar and I had a major tiff because of a silly misunderstanding and attitudinal behaviour. He almost didn't join us for dinner. Nonetheless, the fusion cuisine was really nice. I loved it! And Sugar actually ate codfish there. HE ATE FISH. Because it was so fresh and they did it so well.

My cousin and his huge-assed Secret Recipe cake. It's so big, it looks like an infrastructure! My aunt and cousin-in-law.

Sunday we went down to Chinatown to get toiletries (they're so cheap!) and went to finally drink my sour plum juice at People's Park Complex (i think) market. It was so nice!

Next, Gorkha Grill, Nepalese restaurant. We were the only diners there that day. I wonder why. The food is HEAVENLY. Please don't close down.

The series of pictures are incomplete. Because they were taken on Sugar's phone and I was dozing off so badly on our way to Pasir Ris yesterday that he didn't send me anything. Well, our couple pictures are there for sure. I still have some pictures we took before we headed out on Sunday. We went to eat Prawn Mee at Beach Road market. OMG super nice. And we had our aballing. =D I love glutinous rice balls in peanut soup.


Gorkha Grill! We sat at the exact same seat Prasad, Jialin, Florence and I took on my birthday.




Can you see that his hair is super short? I CUT ONE OKAY!

Sugar didn't send me pictures we took of the dish "momo". It's like chinese dumpling, we chose the fried one, but the spices used to marinate the meat inside is slightly different. It's got an ehtnic twang to it.


My favourite Paneer on earth.


Sugar loved their Garlic Naan. But I think Riverwalk Tandoor serves better ones. And they're free flow there. Rawr.


Chilly Chicken. Which tastes like Gongbao Chicken Dice without the heat. It's really good. And Sugar loved it, because he loves that kinda taste.

I had a great weekend. Sugar adored the cookies. Hopefully they'll still be edible when he gets back. I'm worried. Fieldcamp has got so many weird stuff. My boy has to go through so much of major eeekiness. EWWW. I hope he'll be fine. I hope I'LL be fine, since I can't hear from him for a full 7 days. That has never happened. ARGH. I hate conscription!

Living for the NEXT weekend.

Because my boy has to metamorphosize into a man, he needs to experience fieldcamp.

My phones are running low batt. And my body is kinda too heaty for my good. And I feel crappy. I feel sick. GODAMMIT!

I miss the BOYFRIEND. My Sugarhigh. Hur hur.

It's going to be our 8th Monthsary tomorrow. I brought him to Gorkha Grill, a Nepalese restaurant in Chinatown and he bought me a Bodyshop Vitamin E eyecream. Thanks, you always give me the things I need most, AWWWW.

The pictures will be up soon. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself Sugar. I enjoyed myself too!

Saturday was my cousin's birthday dinner. Sugar and I fought along Chinatown but well, eventually, he joined us for dinner anyway. My peeps kinda saw it but, well, we had a good dinner, nonetheless. GREAT FOOD. Please go to Taste Paradise at Mosque Street.

Sunday, Sugar brought me to eat Beach Road prawn mee (we've been going there pretty often cuz he has to get his NS stuff.) which was really good. Bought the Goreng Pisang, an SOP at Beach Road for me since the first time I went there with Sugar, disappointed that the banana wasn't ripe enough.

Too much good food makes us sick, I think. Meeting Lin tomorrow for the Mattoria Tees. Well, it could have been our brand, but, I was an ignorant, unresourceful kid (I still am) and so, the brandname found a better co-owner. RAWR.

I am buying Sugar his Mattoria Tee. Couple tees on their way! That's just. Wrong...

Happy 8th Monthsary. And to that person who sent me a smile on Friendster, go to hell. I'm as good as married. And you must be effing blind not to see who's beside me.

Rawr.

Sugar and I had a tiff this evening, which almost made the dinner with my family impossible. But we're both hot-headed. And once we cool off, we're totally fine. The dinner at Taste Paradise was fantastic. And Sugar actually dared eat the fish served there. Codfish, no less. It was truly delish.

I'm going to get the pore minimiser that Layhoon recommmended and see what it can do to my pores. OMG my face looks like the moon because of my enlarged pores. I'm going Chinatown with Sugar tomorrow, so it's a good chance to get cheap toiletries and see whether the Neutrogena one that Layhoon mentioned is available. And an eye cream. She seems to be doing well with her Bodyshop one. What's important is that, it doesn't give oil-seeds and her eye area looks fantastic! My colleague recommended me the one from her beauty class. $27. I'm contemplating between the two. Hmmm. ARGH I need an eye cream!

Otherwise, the Aqueous moisturiser I use when I stay at Sugar's works well to hydrate my skin after all that makeup. Well, I'm alright with my moisturisers. I just need a pore minimiser and an eye cream.

Layhoon and I spent hours talking about cosmetics and skincare. It's totally rad to find someone to talk about these vain stuff with. Because reading magazines are just. Blah. They're probably promotional stunts anyway.

I'll try to not put makeup when I go out. =) But my dark rings how????!!!

RAWR!

I'm going Chinatown with Sugar tomorrow. Yeayness! =)

My Secret.

TEEHEE!

OH my mouse's scroll wheel is back in action! =D

My Baby is booking out soon. Tickticktick. OMG! I need my Sugarhigh.

edit: SHIT MY MOUSE CAN'T SCROLL AGAIN.

BARBIE!

OMGOMGOMGOMG,

I WANT THIS!
BARBIE PEARL NECKLACE

omfg.

Patchy nose II.

I just asked a colleague about it, since she's into the beautician and skincare line and she told me the patchy nose (as in the powder seeped into my pores, forming white "seeds" to show on my nose, the accummulation of powder) was caused by dehydration. Which was true because all things remained the same, except for the working environment.

I wonder what will happen to my face when I start working for real when I graduate. OMG!

I need more skincare. I've got lines on my face, and under my eyes. Help!

Flash.

It's real quick. But it's been two weeks already. And it's TGIF again. And I'm not used to the flat keyboard I use at home anymore. It feels so. Flat.

Today, I decided to not pack a sandwich to my workplace and go eat the Indian-Muslim food a colleague (He's Chapati Uncle cuz his wife makes chapati, yoghurt and curry every morning for him.) recommended. I shall eat there. Man I'm hungry.

Anyways. My stint at this office is ending soon. On Monday, officially. OH YA I did something last evening...

I bought pore pack... And omfg I had sooooo many black heads yanked out, covering the adhesive piece of tape. It was really... COOL! And I don't face the problem of having those patchy tiny bumps on my nose anymore. =) I'm really satisfied.

Yesterday a colleague recommnended me this slimming fibre coffee. It's from Malaysia and after some serious thought, I was like. Heck, it'd be no use. I'm not religious towards this kinda thing. Besides, I've sorta been controlling my food intake. Altho I have loads of biscuits at work, LOL, I have dinner at the proper timings and make sure I eat loads of vege everyday. That's enough I guess. I think my face looks better already!

Somehow, colleagues have been saying I have a good complexion. Perhaps being fair and moderately clear skinned means good complexion. I had someone commenting I look as white as sheet. I like myself fair. Sugar likes me fair too. So darn those people who told me to tan. Lalala.

Sugar is going for fieldcamp next week. And I absolutely hate it. It's like the initial confinement replayed. That was sooooo awful.

I'm in good spirits today. Thank God It's Friday.

For the good of the world.

And the boyfriend reading on WAP/GPRS/THAT STUPID SERVICE THAT CALCULATES TRANSFERS BY THE KILOBYTE, I shall blog on this page. Friendster is evil.

I am such a online shopaholic. OH NO.

Well, I feel like getting a top
BLOUSE

ANd a bag.
BAG

By the way, I personally think cocoalulu is a great seller. I bought from ebay but friends bought more than 10 in accummulation and got 20% discount. Who needs GSS, god. Their dress fit me. And I'm really happy. Only problem, I'm short and the dress is kinda long. So it makes me look a tad pregnant. Either I whip out my high high heels, or alter it. ARGH!

Sugar volunteered to get the bag for me. I am having second thoughts about it. How about the blouse? =S

Don't worry. I feel bad enough about him stashing on me already. We are non-richer than other. So we should just CURB our urges. ARGHHH.

I'm broke. I mean. Not starving broke but, I can't splurge anymore. I'm going out of controlllllllllllll.

Patchy nose.

I don't know why. But makeup turns really weird on my face these days. It looks really powdery. I don't remember such a thing happening last time. Now, the powder on my nose turns patchy. Revealing dots that are the outline of blackheads. I NEED TO GET PORE PACK.

I think I'm going to swtich my sunblock back to my old one. Which was the sunkiller orange capped one. I'm irritated by my face!

Well, Sugar whined that I didn't write about him. Things are fine between us now and whenever we're in bliss, I become complacent. It wasn't easy for me to snap out of the previous low and so, I don't want to talk about what happened again.

We're going to go Gorkha Grill for our 8 monthsary. A Chinatown Nepalese restaurant. I love the food there. And I love Chinatown. I'm such an Auntie.

Hopefully, there'll be stock for my sunblock there. GOD, I'm so irritated by my face. RAWR.

I can't wait to see Sugar on Saturday. After all the drama that happened, I just want to get a good hug from him.

Fighting Fashionistas.

The Italians and French are going to kick the ball(s) out of each other come weekend. I would love to say that, it'll be a darned hell of a chic game.

Imagine, Paris and Milan have always been rivals on the runway. It's like, Louis Vuitton pitched against Prada. Hermes against Gucci. How delighting.

I mistakenly heard on the radio last night (before the match was played) that Portugal won. For a moment, I played with the idea that there'll be a sharp increase in suicide rates. Imagine, first, Brazil. Germany. If France lost, that'd be a heartbreaker.

Now my Portuguese players can go back and help their wives and girlfriends make egg tarts. And my Cristiano Ronaldo can go back and grow grapes. (Because in Mandarin, Portugal is called pu tao ya and pu ta are grapes and so I always thought the Portuguese had loads of grapes.) Well, I didn't expect them to win. Because soccer, is soccer. Not a beauty pageant. Ahem.

Italy and France. Interesting. Let's watch the game sipping Erdinger and chowing down egg tarts. And we'll celebrate by eating pasta and foie gras.

Thank God It's FRIDAY.

I'm going to see Sugar this evening. And because it's dress-down-friday, I'm in a denim skirt and my m)phosis birkenstocks (doesn't that sound ironic?). I'm not sure whether they allow flats, because my old company did not. But looking at the culture of my current workplace, it's casual, and not tht particular about these nitty gritty things. As long as you do your job well, they pretty much care less. That, of course, and office politics. Everywhere is political. As long as there's a hierarchy or structure of importance and role-delegation, there definitely will be political mind-play. Those companies that tell you they don't "play politics" in the office are not giving you a Realistic Job Preview, for sure, and that is deemed unjust to the employee and that makes them highly unethical. Which means they are a bad, bad company. It's rather heartening when people state frankly to you that there are sure conflicts in the workplace. I mean, we're talking about people interaction. Not Lego. And even red Lego pieces clashes with the green ones. So, bullshit you all pristine organisations.

Anyway, back to where I was, I'm going to Pasir Ris this evening to meet my Mom and to get assessment books because, God forbid, Pasir Ris does not have a book store. I don't understand why. I know there used to be a Popular. Wait. Is it still there? Oh ya. And I have to rush down to OCBC to close my bloody account. I am irritated to my BALLS, wherever they are. And I'm going to withdraw all my funds. Although that will not drop their shares or cause them to cease to exist. BUT I AM IRRITATED. And like an old, senile lady, every cent matters to me. Especially when it's exploited without my knowledge!

Okay. So now I have to rush down to Pasir Ris. I thought I could go to Tampines but they close at 4.30. AS IF 6.00 IS NOT EARLY ENOUGH.

I'm going to meet Mommas for dinner. Then, Sugar. Oh dear I miss him. =) It's only 5 days but it's 120 hours and were were seldom apart for more than 20 hours in the past. RAWR.

I wanna eat Swensons omelete. I can forget about going there with Sugar because he hates Swensons (because he's not that into eggs and the omelete's the only decent item on the menu). So I shall date MAMA to Swensons!

I just found out that POPULAR IN PASIR RIS IS CLOSED FOR RENOVATION. WHAT THE FUCK.

Before I figure something out, I shall be mean. MEAN. And continue having my coffee.

SORRY!

Okay, regarding the previous entry, let me disclaim myself.

I only said fat people have more sex now. But being fat does not equate to having sex. Which means I = fat does not = sex.

And I shall make a public apology for calling Sugar a fat boyfriend. I SHALL CALL US A FAT COUPLE THEN. Pffft!

Okay, so I allowed Sugar to call me fat. But he knows better to not do that or else the wrath of hell will taste so sweet. I TELL YOU!

30 hours more. WOOO.

Working for the weekend.

I seem to have blogged something about this before. Now even my keyboard feels strange to me, since I've not been blogging on my home PC for quite some time.

Well, I realised my birthday photos aren't totally up. Don't blame me. I am a procrastinator and you know that.

Work has been okay. It's really quick, it's been 4 days already. And Sugar is going to book out tomorrow. Yeay. Dress down Fridays are cool.

I'm going to close down my bank account because it's been a bitch. Damn those people. Now I know why you're surviving with your lousy credit cards. You can call this defamation. But O*B* sucks ass!

Okay now. I'm going to be gone. to work. Woo. I have tuition on Monday-Thursday weeknights. I wonder if I can get a job after this 2-week stint. I hope. I wanna earn lotsa money!

Damn, I feel like a cockroach.

Exerpts from an article taken from http://msnbc.msn.com/id/13562741/
Are you fat? Doctors offer list of things to blame
Less smoking, too little sleep, older moms in report on what causes obesity

"Why are so many people fat? Scientists have come up with some novel excuses, including air conditioning, lack of sleep, fewer smokers, and more sex among obese people, which can produce chubby kids." ...

..."David Allison, a University of Alabama biostatistician, invited 19 other scientists in the United States, Canada and Italy, to work on the report.

Top 10 They looked at more than 100 studies on potential contributors to obesity besides diet and exercise, and concluded there was at least some support for 10:

1. Inadequate sleep. (Average sleep amounts have fallen, and many studies tie sleep deprivation to weight gain.)

2. Endocrine disruptors, which are substances in some foods that may alter fats in the body.

3. Nice temperatures. (Air conditioning and heating limit calories burned from sweating and shivering.)

4. Fewer people smoking. (Less appetite supression.)

5. Medicines that cause weight gain.

6. Population changes. (More middle-agers and Hispanics, who have higher obesity rates.)

7. Older birth moms. (That correlates with heavier children).

8. Genetic influences during pregnancy.

9. Darwinian natural selection. (Fat people outsurvive skinny ones).

10. Assortative mating, or "like mating with like," as Allison puts it. Translation: fat people procreating with others of the same body type, gradually skewing the population toward the heavy end."

Alright. Now, fat people have more sex, which means skinny, healthy people have less sex (I guess those beef burgers REALLY are aphrodisiacs. But I highly recommend chips and foie gras and cheese. OMG, they make you so satisfied with life, having sex is the only thing you feel like doing.)

I actually thought prior studies indicated that obesity leads to implications to the libido and thus, a lower sex drive. Now they're saying fat people have more sex. And then they go on blaming fat people for having sex with skinny people and "skewing the population".

I see this study as racist, discriminatory, but proposes that fat people will outwit, outlive, outlast skinny people.

So be like the cockroach. Although they aren't exactly likeable, attractive or desirable (like fat people), they will be the ones who will live till the end of time. So skinny people, for the good of mankind, please have sex with fat people. So that we won't skew your population with our fat cells. You do an averaging and we'll all live long lives and survive like the cockroaches in the end when the world resembles jupiter.

So it's actually good to be fat. Because you get loads of sex, and you will survive the wrath of evolution. GOOD FOR YOU, YER FAT PEOPLE! Let's form a blessed union of fatty souls.

To think that they blame sleeping for making people fat. The reality is that, lack of sleep makes you fat! Which means, I have been sleeping my way to stay in my current weight! If I were more hardworking, I'd be fatter!

Just you wait. In years to come, fat people will rule the world with our hypertension, diabeties and liver and kidney problems!

I think the study was done by skinny people. Because they blame fat people for having too much sex with each other. What to do, skinny people don't want us what. So what, suckers, for being skinny. We have sex! I know you all are jealous because skinny people think their really great and become really selective of their mating partners. And we shall SKEW YOUR POPULATION because we have lotsa lotsa sex with lotsa lotsa fat people. RAHAHA!

I'm just a bitch. A fat one, at that. Tho I have a fat boyfriend who's starting to lose weight. I have to keep him fat so that he won't start having sex with skinny people.

Employed.

I will be starting a 2-week job assignment from tomorrow onwards, and a monday/wednesday tuition kid, also from tomorrow onwards.

I'm surprised how much change could be brought about in such a short time. It's interesting, really.

Tomorrow, the reception job will start and I'm kinda jittery. Because there are so many things to remember to do on that job. Well, it's only for 2 weeks. I hope I can deal.

And, I'm going to pack sandwiches! To work. To save money and be able to eat in peace. Because Sugar is kinda paranoid about office affairs. Rahaha!

We went IMM last night and true to the auntie's pact, I almost bought the whole of Daiso again. Bought stockings I don't need (because they are uber-kawaii knee-high), bobby pins, clips, loads of boxes, a roller massager that I love (Sugar is massaging my back now. Good Manservant!). And... a plate. And, well, I can't remember. Oh! SANDWICH BOX! It's nice...

Sugar bought me a fake white rose. Which really is okay, since I bought him a fake rose too for him to return every weekend and still be able to see it.

I am really happy. I have an official box in Sugar's house to put my knick-knacks. Yes, it's a box at the moment. But I think I am slowly invading his territory.

I love weekends. The sweetest time of the week. They used to not mean much to me. But now when he books out and we manage to resolve problems and remember why we're together, I appreciate them, alot.

And he loves the Keane CD.

I sound like a Bimbo with an IQ of 0.235. HAHA!

Rachael Yamagata - I Wish You Love

Listening to such songs on a dreary night does no good to your mental health. Especially when you've discarded it to follow your heart. Your system fails. Time stagnates. You hear your breathing in your head.

When your heart is tattered, and someone tells you it's not as bad as his, you feel your pain suddenly belittled. And thought to be child's play. Even when it wrung your insides out to a mash, even when tears fell like it could wash away mistakes, it meant nothing at all, at that instant. Although it meant everything to you. Everyone wants their woes to be the greatest on earth. Everyone deserves some sympathy.

Unacknowledged efforts automatically translate to stupidity. And when money is a big thing to you, not material, but mercenary, you feel it a kind of sacrifice. You'd feel glad that it didn't feel a pinch at all, but that doesn't mean you won't feel a thing when what you spent on, is regarded as redundant, futile. Unappreciated.

I wish you love. I wish you mine. But maybe, we've make a very big mistake, apart from my deceit and manipulation.

I feel like a louse.

Sugar hasn't called. I made a trip down to Loyang today for nothing because of some miscommunication between the interviewer and the recruitment agency. I am jobless. Useless. Everyone has jobs now. Even the 2-week assignment fooled me. I . AM. Irritated.

I AM LUMINOUS!

You know when you've reached fairness nirvana when you have pictures like this.


Yeayness!


Okay, now this is a little better.


Yes, a little less light please.

I really love my curls although the left side doesn't curl as well as the right. Anyways, I think curls make me look younger. Godammit. Why haven't I permed my hair earlier!

I can be superbly act cute now with my hairbands! Yeay. I am fair and I have curly hair. I don't mind being fat now!

Shu Uemura drawing pencil eyeliner and Mac lipglass from Jamie, Serene, Laypeng, Yingying, Isabel, Shuning, Liqing. Thanks loads! I'll upload pictures soon. They got me the deja vu mascara I wanted a long time back from Sasa as well. Oh my god holy sweetness. And a pouch that's very, very me. I love them. I love my birthday presents these year. ALL OF THEM!

I got my bling from my Darling, Sex and the City DVDs, all six seasons of them in a box set courtesy of Prasad, my desired cosmetics from my galpals, a black bra (WTH! Okay, I requested for it.) from Jialin, nice Christmas very-my-room colour ball-lights from Florence, cash from relatives and Mommas, a paperchase photoalbum from my brother that looks very pretty (it's a great present. but why borders every year may i ask?) and... THE TREATS! God. I'm fat again, but I'm happy. Yeay!

Now for my interview. If I get the job, I will be a very, very happy woman.

Perm-anence.

I've decided to perm my hair after flipping thru female magazine. I realised, well, maybe it's an overdue wish. And since now I have the time and somehow, the finances, I ought to "zeng" my hair a bit. It's not coloured. Not rebonded. Looks like hay now. And so I decided, well, I should do some chemical treatment to my hair. It's kinda ceremonial. Like, you reach a certain point of your life and you want to visit your hairdresser's. It's an instant perk me up.


The picture that unleashed the hair-perming devil.

Well, I have to discuss the details with my hairdresser. She knows my idiosyncratic hair and so, well, I guess she'd give good advice. She used to work at Jantzen Hougang Mall, but they have ceased to exist and Anna, my hairdresser, knowing the better of the situation, slipped her phone number to me on my last visit. That's how I managed to contact her and realised she's working at Punggol now. And since it's a neighbourhood place, she's going to charge less although her skills are the same and that makes the perm job much more affordable. I am going to insist that she does the perming HERSELF, not some floral printed top auntie with an afro. Eeew. I'm going to head down soon. And later town, to do some shopping and nab that Topshop top I saw at $19. I hope it's still there, godammit. And I'm going to get Sugar his Keane CD. Good Lord he can't read this in camp. Keep it a secret please.

I realised, if I can't find a job, mind as well enjoy myself. Argh. Godammit. I hate feeling like a liability.

Because he loves me.

Top of the M

Sugar brought me to Top of the M at Meritus Mandarin last night to celebrate my 21st birthday in advance since he'll be booking in this evening already. The pictures will be up soon. He spent a $500, dinner and purple gold pendant and all. I was really touched. I've never felt more special. Thanks.


From TOP OF THE M.
I regret not taking more pictures of the the Orchard from the 39th floor. It kinda looked unpromising on my mobile but it turned out fine. I feel like slapping myself. It was such a rare moment I should have snapped non-stop.

I'll blog about the dinner in detail. There are hoards of nice little things to blog about. He's such a darling.


I'm a very happy woman.

After 14 days.

Sugar booked out last night, for the first time since he got enlisted. When I saw him, I smiled like an idiot, which somehow seemed shy to him. I got him cheese sausage and green tea. And passed him the flower and two cards I bought and made. His haversack was lighter than my bag. Boyfriends are sometimes meant to be exploited. Especially when they are civil servants now, and I am a civilian. SERVE ME, BABY! That sounds darned wrong yaw. He carried my bag, and his. And I was merely in charge of his duffel bag that really only had itself in it.

Billy Bomber's today. Courtesy of a 1 for 1 voucher from a bunkmate.







Because Sugar was sitting beside me. I know we're very clingy. Hurhur.


Root beer. Sugar was crazy. I was suggesting that we only got a milk shake but he wanted a root beet AND a milkshake.


Ooo.


I'm sorry to post this really delish picture of the Billy Bomber's All Star Burger only to say that... I ALMOST PUKED. I couldn't finish it. Left the slices of ham, bread, the eggs untouched. God.


BEFORE AND AFTER!

I ate so much these past 2 days I put on a kilo. ARGH. Diet. Diet. Diet. I'm suspecting that Sugar's present for me has got some decent bling-factor. I am very excited. 22 hours to the Grand Revelation!

Time passed really fast this past 24 hours. I grabbed his hand, callous or not from those darned bars, and it felt like eternity. Really. And I can't forget the smiles he slipped into our i-stare-at-you-you-stare-at-me sessons. He's so adorable.

I survived 14 days. Now it's 14 hours. But the last two days showed me that, Sugar is one sure person worth waiting for.

Oh Babe!

I miss spending time so much that, I fear the passing of time, this very moment.

I just want you to be by my side always. I love you.

No Sugar = No Pictures.

I'm hardly narcissistic these days anymore. Since I don't even really look anyway snappable these days when I'm slumming at home. Well, I'll get to see Sugar soon. That's a good thing.

Gonna be headig to Orchard to window shop this GSS period today with Allegra. I wanna check out my Shu Uemura eyeliner as well. And, well, I just want to head outta the house so that time will pass more quickly. The last stretch of waiting for Sugar to book it tastes like hell.

I want to search for a black bag. Big one, for school. That's top priority. And jackets. I saw Jamie's Addidas one on her blog and was wondering whether it's genuine or not because it's a design that has ended it's line if I'm not wrong. Real or fake, I love the fit. I don't care much, really.

And to get black leggings, and stockings, and nude stockings too. Dammit.

I miss the low carb salmon and egg salad at Coffee Bean. I wonder if they still have it. I've decided to cut down on, if not abstain from sugar (as in, the carbon, not the human.) because I think it's a good strategy to lose weight.

I've decided on the subjects to take next semestral year.

ICP - International Comparative Perspectives
CF - Corporate Finance
LBO - Law of Business Organisations
OT - Organisational Theory.

OT is said to be kinda like a suicide. But it's a decent essay based paper. I cannot stand Math godammit!

Alright. I have set my mind. We'll just wait patiently for 4 o'clock tomorrow. I'll be taking ONE different subject from Allegra this year. Because she can't stand theory. And thinks MSM, Management Science Methods is better for her health.

So am I down for interview today or not. URGH.

Weight loss.

I've not been losing much, despite my severe cut down in food intake. In fact, I realised I never really used to eat alot, compared to my slimmer counterparts. We all ate the same amount. Ah damn metabolism. I eat alot only when I'm with Sugar. But I was thinking maybe I should regulate meals. Because the weight loss will be faster and more stable.

I've decided to start making lettuce, tomato and low fat cottage cheese sandwiches. I love cottage cheese, low fat or high fat or whatever. It'd be a good lubricant (yes we always need lotsa it in between) for the dry bread. Omg. Talking about tomatoes and cottage cheese makes me mighty excited.

When I start working, I'll pack this to work everyday. And skip dinner. At the rate I'm going, I'm sure I'll be able to cope with the hunger. Which is largely non-existent now.

I'm going to start hyper-ventilating next week. I've decided to stop weighing myself from then on till after my string of birthday celebrations. Friday, Billy Bombers. Saturday, Foie Gras, Sunday, Japanese Buffet, Monday, Prasad's Treat, Wednesday, Sec 4/2 girls. I'm going to die a hippo.

Well, I'll not rush my weight loss. It's for the better. Because it's stagnating now and I know it's because I don't eat much and my body is starting to preserve that load of energy, and my metabolism is plunging. Dammit.

48 hours to seeing Sugar. This is freaking difficult!

21st Birthday.

I've decided on the cake I wanna have for my birthday. Coco Exotic. Super chocolatey. Hmmm.

My mom was really sweet. She's going to buy tau huay and then steam a slice of fish for me because she saw that I wasn't eating anything. Awww.

She knows what I will accept and not. After all, she's had me irritating here for almost 21 years alive and kicking, plus 9 months alive and kicking in her womb.

Peek a boob.

My boobs are shrinking to my dieting. Maybe it's the insufficient water intake. I take this. I finally became a B and now I'm falling back to become an A. Life isn't fair.

Now I kinda remember why I always refused to lose weight. Because the bustline is the first thing I lose.

Dammit. I'll just pray. I know it, because I can't fill a bra I use to gauge my cup size anymore. Boohoo.

Any techniques. Please mail me. janathema@gmail.com. I'm desperate. LOL.

Learn FRENCH!

oulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir.

HAHAHA!

Diet Expedition.

I have been quite stringent with what I eat these days. Which is good, I guess. Well, there are things others can do for me, ie, lie. But there are things I have to do myself.

So today I had raspberry tea frappe and a biscotti. Hurhurhur.

And I got wolfberries as snacks. I guess that's the best thing I can take. Economical and good for my eyes. I'm getting blind these days. The LCD's really making me short of sight.

So now, I shall quietly wait for Sugar to call. I just gave Jamie my wishlist.

Oh, don't we love wishlists?

1. I Nouvi concealer in the lightest shade.
2. Shu Uemura eye-liner.
3. Round-tip black/red heels.
4. A new pair of wedding bands. (no, i'm not intending you to get it.)
5. Black stockings. Pantyhose and 3/4's with lace/rubber grip.
6. Black garter belt. Hurhurhur.
7. Black strapless bra. We're getting intimate here aren't we.
8. Mascara. Anything that curls well, is waterproof, in black, and volumising.
9. Embellished black slippers.
10. The LBD little black dress. I just realised the one I have now is wayyyyy long.
11. Black slip-on heels. Because I can never get enough of them.
12. Bead-accessories. The OHM kinda round bead necklaces. I love them in all colours. Feel free. Black is a hot fave. Red, white, anything. I love accessories.

That's it for now. I'll think about it again. OH! Well, foie gras would be nice. Although Sugar promised me that already, but, when do we have enough of fatty goose liver?

Shit I'm supposed to be on a diet expedition. Well, I suppose fine dining is every reason to break the fast once in a while. Speaking of which, I enjoy fine dining. Actually I just enjoy eating. I love hawker food, don't get me wrong. But fine dining is a different experience. You can't get hawker greasy to yummy food at fine diners, just like you can't get fine dining at hawker centres. Fine dining makes a special occasion exceptionally special. Because you feel important when you can taste the effort put into that simple, sometimes overdecorated course.

Random pictures.

Because I'm a lazy assed period drama serial addict. I finished the 30-episode War and Beauty. WOOO.




The day before he got enlisted, before heading over to his place. Kiss me Goodbye, Baby!


On the ferry to Tekong. I look like crap la. Zzz. No choice. Only decent picture taken on the ferry, DAMMIT.


Went to Dragon Gate Restaurant at Harbourfront for Dimsum buffet with Prasad on Satan's Day 06.06.06. I wonder if they have char siew buns in hell.

Went to see the black eared rabbit at the Harbourfront petshop Sugar and I used to always drop by to check out the bunnies when he was still working nearby. I miss those days. The bunnies are still around! Well Sugar used to say this rabbit's me because my ears are black. (Read: Hair = ears. Hope I didn't traumatise you.) Disregard the no photo-taking sign because it obviously was disregarded.

Saw a bunny, bought a bunny. It's a mobile phone holder. I'm not into knacks like these but it was a bunny and it was cute and... and... well. Sugar has agreed to pay for it. Which means it's a gift from him. I know it's a bit stupid to do that but, I've been wanting a bunny to hold and talk to. I'm scaring you again, am I not. Argh.

I look hypnotised.

Prasad brought me to this Ocean place that sold really cheap toiletries. Sunblock priced at 15.90 at watsons is sold at 11.00+ there. And nail polish I normally buy at 2.00 are sold at 1.80. That's a 10 percent discount. Not too bad.

Well, There they are. I love pictures. And I love Chinatown. The renovated the market (the people's park centre one) and it now has alot of shops that sells ribbons and buttons and accessories. OMG.

I went to look for my hairdresser today and the salon closed down. She's working part-time somewhere in Punggol now. Boo hoo. I shall just keep my hair for now, since it wasn't meant to be.

Job hunt.

While I was making my way back from my interview this afternoon, I saw Kailing, who is Hanming's girlfriend, who is Gary's ex-schoolmate. Yeah, and we are eyeing for the same position. The world is small, and uncanny. Imagine competing for the same vacancy.

Well, they're looking for someone of a longer term service. I can only afford 3 months till mid September. I guess her chances are higher. The plan was to make me stand in for the job first and later, get a more permanent staff for them, by the recruitment firm. Well, I guess it's just not my luck.

Travelling to interviews can be quite tiring sometimes. Because you know, chances are, you won't get the job. Which means you are travelling for nothing. Argh.

Well, problems littered the day for Sugar and I. We're finally fine. Someone get a grip on both of us. We're flipping like pancakes these days.

À la folie... pas du tout

He loves me... He loves me not.

I love him... I love him not.

Let's pray we don't run out of petals.

Money Moguls.

While Mom was telling me how NUS is sucking my brother's pay and how it has perplexing repercussions, I couldn't help myself but type in jobstreet.com gingerly into the browser field and looked for jobs.

I thought hard about where my resume might be, and whether or not I have a recent picture. It's not scanned in, though. That's a problem. But well, maybe I could use Jialin's scanner. She has a scanner right. Oh dear, I don't know.

But I can't apply for jobs just yet, as anxious as I am to get some money because I seriously need to pay my exam fees on my own next year, which is going to sum up to 2000 if I don't have to repeat, god forbid. I have, well. Less than half a year to get the money. Which means I ought to get at least $400 a month in order to reach the capital. I AM FREAKING DEAD.

So I'm hoping to get a deskbound job, 9-5, 5day to get some money. I need to get the money fast. I need to work intensively. If I hadn't quit my Logitech job, I might have a glimpse of hope. But God dammit, Sugar is in NS and I can't burn my weekends. I hate this, I do. Predicaments suck.

And I can't get a job before the 19th because Sugar is going to have his graduation on 16, and I have to be free, and on 19th, I'm not going to bloody work on my birthday.

Many have told me to look for more tuition sources. Which is a good idea to me. If I can get 2 more pupils, say, at 140 rate, I can get 420 a month. That's not very far from my goal, is it.

I think tuition is the way to go. Because it's a weekday job. I need sources. Hmmm. Shall I go put up notices? Search for online agencies?

Help. I need help. Dammit!

LOVE IN THE 1ST DEGREE.

I'm blasting Banarama.

Only you can set me free! Cuz I'm guilty... guilty... BLAHHH!!!

I'M SO ZOUKETTE!

Playing Sugar's songlist makes me so bloody lovelorn.

Lights out.

Sugar just called a couple of minutes ago, while I was watching Southpark and wishing he was around, and told me he'd not showered yet and he has to turn in by 11.00.

I HATE NS!

I saw my cousins, aunt and uncle today. Apparently, my cousin is in the same mild obese batch as Sugar and is even in the same platoon. Though different sections.

I actually wrote Sugar a letter and stuffed it into his wallet without him knowing. I got him an agate crystal prior to this as well to ward off evil and stuff. Since he's not the superstitious kind who'd bring an amulet around, it's better for it to be something more... Earthly. I don't know. I guess it's easier to swallow then a talisman.

When Sugar and I were supposed to part, I hugged him. And I started gagging on that surge up to my nose. I cried. And he pulled away quickly, leaving and refusing to gaze into my eyes and, said goodbye. Gave a careless wave. And I headed home.

Joshua, Cheechow and Kianming were there as well. Thank lord Josh sent us there. Or else, it'd have been weirdassed depressing travelling all the way to pasir ris from boon lay.

I picked up some fries and ate it while walking back from Rivervale Plaza. I felt so alone, not lonely though. It's a different feeling. Because feeling lonely is a "i wish there was someone here" feeling while what I felt was a "i wish Sugar was here" kinda thing.

I hope he'll cope well. And I'd get to hear his voice soon. We used to meet up almost everyday. I've never not seen him for more than 3 days I think, save the 20 years we took to meet each other for the first time. I hate this. I miss him already. So badly. Because he used to do so many things with and for me. He's always fearing of being replaced. I can't tell him how much I am going to stay off all kinds of distractions. I want to make this right for once.

He'll be out opportunately for my Birthday. And before that, for his graduation on the 15th.

September 13. I'll be walking for your long break. And although I didn't cry just now, at tekong, very much, I can't hold it any longer. I cried during the video and when we hugged. He always tells me to be strong. But I've always told him, "I'm only strong when you're not around."

I need him, not because I can't take care of myself. But because I want myself to need him.

He should be asleep now. Or going to sleep now. I could only catch his voice for 5 seconds. We used to talk hours a day and send loads of smses. I guess I have to get used to this new modus operandi. Even though I don't want to.

Stayover.

How sad is this. The first time I'm getting to stayover at my boyfriend's place is the night before his enlistment. Boo. His Mom has affectionately placed a tilam mattress in his room. Hoho. Hint hint.

Howdy!

I have been trying to take snapshots of Sugar's hair as much as possible before they come 3mm stubs that would potentially be rubbed against my tummy in a vain attempt to make me lose weight.

Just a couple of pictures. Well, went for dinner with Prasad on Monday at Arab Street, and before that, Sugar and I caught The Da Vinci code and had hugeassed weiners at PS basement. We were dressed kinda nicely because it'd been so long since I went to anywhere with people at all. Argh.


Just before we stuffed the sausages into our faces. That sounded very wrong.




On Thursday before heading off to Sugar's home for an eating spree. Chicken rice, spring rolls, lontong... RAWR!

Less than 5 days. I HATE CONSCRIPTION.

The Beach is a Bitch.

The sands and sea that took my baby's ring away from me. $315. All but to choke a fish. Hurhur. I hated going to the beach. Now I've got another reason not to. I HATE YOU, YOU BITCH OF THE WORLD!

Tick, tick, tick. But where's the sense of urgency?

Most of my schoolmates would be shivering to the balls by now, since exams are like a microscopic amount of time away. But I'm still living the idler's life. And meeting my bunch of honey. And Jialin (I've been talking so much during our study sessions, I feel guilty), and possibly Prasad on Monday. Because Sugar's getting enlisted in exactly 2 weeks' time.

He tells me NS isn't jailtime and I shouldn't be as paranoid/worried and upset about it as I am.

But I can't help it. GODAMMIT.

Well, I'm getting prepared for his time inside too. I'm going to get that stack of porn from him, and I already have our picture framed in my room. Amen.

Da Vinci! On Monday. I am so excited. Tautou!!! But doesn't Tom Hanks sound more man in camouflage and dirty underwear holding guns than Professor Langdon?

Personas.

I have not been blogging like I used to. When I blogged and wrote in small caps, I made more sense than now, when I'm blogging in formal, proper capsing.

Since I've fused with Sugar to enact a single cell amoebic split reversed, I have been less sensitive about variant issues. This decline started even before we got together. Stability kills braincells. I'm starting to like turbulence.

It wasn't until the heart sores/aches/bleeds that were brought about by the follies in my past and you know, when shit hits fan, shit hits fan. I fed him with revelations like a slow poison. Sometimes, he appears immune to the toxin, sometimes he reacts violently. Sometimes the effects of the poison surfaces hours after the revelations. I'm starting to think I'm making him insane.

Nowadays, I can stare at him, glide my fingers across his cheeks and cry. Sometimes he calls me silly, sometimes I call him silly. He looks tortured these days. Dark rings, eye bags. He's starting to look like... Me.

Oh yes. I was talking about personas. Some people have said, people who know me in life, that, I sound so different when I blog in a certain style. Like I was schizophrenic and sometimes they cannot believe that this is me blogging. I am not surprised. I don't call myself simple. I'm rather complicated up in the head. Because of things that has happened to me. I've been called stupid, dumb, talented, smart, naive, fun, dull. I'm traditional in the heart, radical in ideology, wanton reckless in practice. I'm trailer trash with a wayward brain. Poetic garbage. Smart alec.

There are so many sides of me, my adjectives lie on extreme sides of the thesaurus. And I can't help it. Life was, and is a pretense sometimes. I was so well trained in keeping up impressions and facades, I forgot how to be true, honest. And I had to learn it the hard way, at a recalcitrant age of 20, how to be truly honest.

Life was dramaturgical. I have varied personas because of varied reasons. Some, are just to make others happy. But I often get too lost in pretense. You hardly remember how to stop breathing if you start breathing. I'm trying hard, to be consistent and honest. I've decided to stick to the poet and the bimbo and the lovelorn girlfriend. I think this should suffice. Oh yes, and the loudmouthed jester. I still hate OB-markers. Because being controversial always entertains.

I can't be sure whether I'm living for myself or others. It's difficult to say. How often do we live for clearly one person or reason anyway? I don't know. I seek your counsel. But before that, I shall not think too much about who or what I am living for. Because everytime I dabble too much on that, I round myself up in suicidal thoughts. Because, I get confused and realise there's no real reason to live fully. Because I don't live fully. I wonder if I ever can. But I have no reason to die. So, let live. Maybe.

Yes, I sound like I am fighting with myself. I fight the most with the people I adore the most. Like Sugar, we beat each other up regularly.

Hell, I suck. I am not only imperfect, I'm perfectly imperfect.

Sometimes I wish to see myself in a better light. But how I view myself is highly dependent on how Sugar views me. I know, this is rather pathetic to you. Because it means that whatever he says, matters. He can prop me up or crush me.

But, heed this. He knows me almost perfectly. You don't.

Wait, I was talking about personas?

Oh ya, I forgot.

I've been meaning to blog this. Last weekend, we had CRAB at Ang Mo Kio, opposite Mayflower Secondary, at Melben. Very nice! The butter crab had this really nice cream sauce. The bill came up to 170 for 7. No bad. Very satisfying.

The, Sugar and I went DblO on Friday night with Joshua, CheeChow and Jinhe. There was this adorable gay guy who got excited when I said I like Beyonce. Sisterhood, yeah yeah!

I had drinks. But my gastric didn't act up. Because I had a great dinner. The outing was last minute. And well, before that, World War 4167457 happened.

The r&b was good. Drinks were cheap. I had fun.

I love to dance with Sugar because, he's my favourite person on earth.

But I'm sick now. Talking about smoke and alcohol pisses the gall outta me.

Sore throat, gastric flu symptoms. I hate myself.

3 weeks to enlistment. And exams. DIEDIEDIE.

Furama.

Sugar bought a voucher for a one night stay at furama riverfront for our being together for six months. I know, it conjures sleazy images. But you know, you seriously do not need to be in a hotel room to do anything at all. No big deal. It was just the most affordable way for an instant getaway.







Pictures taken randomly on the first day. I changed tops for morning and dinner. I know, fashion show.

FOOD! Zion Road char kway teow, popiah, rojak and beancurd and soya bean drink.

The "hahm" in the kway teow was in abundance. Ten over? HIGH! Very fresh. Very succulent.

The smoothest beancurd I've eaten. Melts like a dream!

Rojak! I couldn't eat the pineapple slices inside because of the red sea phenomenon.


Breakfast at the cafe!








Before we left the room. My favourite pair of shoulders in the world.


Nice.


Nicer.

Thank you so much, Baby. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. You're the best. I've ever had.

My Guilty Pleasures.

I always love the tabloided stars. I don't know why. I love the people that people hate. Weird? Maybe being nice is just too one-dimensional for me.

I'll rank my closet one-sided affairs with these days.

10th Nicole Ritchie
9th Olsen Twins
8th Christina Aguilera
7th Tara Reid
6th Hilary Duff
5th Ashlee Simpson
4th Britney Spears
3rd Paris Hilton
2nd Lindsay Lohan
1st Lindsay Freaking Lohan

I'm just a bimbo, la. But have you realised, tabloid queens all have a fabulous sense of dressing? Maybe that's what makes the film worthwhile. OMG!

Election and defection.

Luckily I didn't have to vote this year. I thank lord.

But I'm pretty glad the winning margins have reduced. Not because I love the opposition so much but it means that, there's a contest and in years to come, there'll be more legitimacy. The closer the fight, the larger the participation, the greater the amount of legitimacy to the decisions made by the polls.

Everyone has a soft spot for the underdogs. It always happens. And when I saw a guy board the train that day with a Worker's Party flag tugged into the belt of his waist pouch, I thought it was a healthy thing to do, although others gave queer glares at him.

The government fears the educated elites, particularly the journalists because language is powerful. An idea is nothing without a message. But they should have been prepared long ago. Throughout history, the people who questioned the rule the most, were always the educated elites who have the literacy level and wealth to do it. And now that the world is getting such globalised, it's an even scarier thing. The repercussions of a manifestation is aired worldwide. Borders keep no secrets these days.

And how is Singapore going to be positioned globally? It's an interesting thing to think about. How the elections will influence the way others look at us. How we do it, what the results are like, and the campaigns partaken to make the desired results happen.

Maybe as a student, I'm thinking too much. Well, I was mighty excited when I was watching the results show. The last time I was so excited was when I was watching the Project Superstar results shows. Baha.

I miss Sugar. Who is in Bintan at the moment. Bah.

Blogging in the Morning.

I was happily blogging and uploading my Sentosa pictures when firefox called for an update and I most innocently clicked on "restart firefox now", not realising that I've got unentered entries and uploading to be done. This, I call, Bimboticism. I am fucking stupid!

*slaps myself like a pingpong ball*

Nachos, sore throat and salsa.

I'm hooked onto Nachos with salsa dip. To the extent that, I risked sore throats twice for it. And it makes me think about hanging out with Prasad, who's now nursing his operated throat.

I have had classes for the past two days, everyday requiring me to wake up at 5.30am. This is torture. Tomorrow will see a morning class and a subsequent 6 hour break before my night class from 6-9. 12 hours and 2 meals in school. Holy!

Kill me please.

Lily Neo.

*Waving around madly like I have a hole in my head*

I ask you, I ask you, did you know that Lily Neo is FIFTY-TWO?

I didn't read it wrong on the chinese news paper right? FIFTY-FREAKING-TWO?

WHATTHEOHHOLYLORDSAVEMEFUCK?

She looks so young (CHECK OUT THE FLAWLESS COMPLEXION, REBONDED-looking HAIR AND PETITE BUILD!) in the newspaper, she looks as if she'd eaten kids. You know, how it's rumoured that if you eat a foetus, you'll have eternal youth that kinda shit?

SHE LOOKS SO FREAKING YOUNG! By the way, she's Gary and I's favourite MILF politician at the moment. For those who don't know what a MILF is, don't try the dictionary. It's not there.

I can't believe it.

Talking about ageing, having since bought Olay Total Effects, I have to say I'm impressed by it's effectiveness whenever I put it over my eye area because I spot microscopic fine lines. I put it on whenever I have my bouts of weeping. Emoemoemo. I don't use it on the rest of my face, save the tip of my nose, because I fear it clogs up my pores like an oil slick.

It plumps up the skin and evens out the lines. Really! Overnight! I was thinking whether it was because I'm still young so it's working better.

I wonder what Lily Neo uses. La mer? Or does she wash her face with virgin blood or something. Good transformation, by the way. Hair makes all the difference.

I am turning stupid. Or bimbotic, whatever sounds better. My boobs are getting bigger since I'm putting on weight (Urgh). And ever since I bumped my head hard against the taxi door frame weeks ago, I've been becoming very, very short of braincells. It's so bad, Sugar sometimes places his palms flat against the sides of my head and starts shaking it to see if there's anything left. I'm becoming a bimbo. These may be my last entries written in slightly coherent language. I'll be punctuating my blog with, Like, Ya know, That's hot! soon. Oh, may death impend me. Bah.

But I heard bimbos age slower. Maybe because they can't spell ageing so they decide not to bother about it. And no worries = no wrinkles.

I LOVE YOU LILY NEO. I WANNA EAT KIDS!

LILY!!!

SENTOSA.

When was the last time that you'd been on a cable car?

When you were 3? 5? 7?

Chances are, it'd be eons ago, definitely. But TODAY I went to ride on the CABLE CAR from Harbourfront to Sentosa. It was a whim out of spontaneity after having timsum at HongXing at Chinatown and having walked around the Chinatown area. (I bought loads of cheap accessories. OMFG!)

Pictures will be uploaded soon. We went on bus trips (because we were too freaking or rather, I was too freaking lazy to walk) and though at first I thought I was overdressed, I wasn't. Because we saw weirder people dressed in weirder things at Sentosa. I was considered, normal.

Woohoo. Loads of pictures, I think. Wahaha. SOON!

The link between Movie Trailers and the Boyfriend.

I wonder if there can be any empirical evidence to back me up. But there definitely is a certain level of correlation between watching movie trailers on apple.com and feeling a tad but more infatuated in my boy after.

Maybe issues concerning the both of us was saturating my brain a bit and the trailers were simple escapism. Just like how I felt better when we almost broke up the previous time and I buried myself in Neil Gaiman. I felt better, afterwards. How aptly put by Sarah Machlachan. I need some distraction, or a beautiful release.

And then I realised, we've been having such many issues plagueing us that, resolving issues has become part and parcel of us. Like, if we didn't have a problem at all, sometimes it feels weird. Because the further we pull ourselves away from each other once in a while (well, maybe a bit more than that.) the closer it pulls us at the end of the day.

So, catch a movie, watching some trailers, read a book, rent a dvd, go for coffee with your friends. Whatever! Even a computer needs a reboot every once in a while.

If you're broke, there's always trailers at apple.

Enjoy my loves.

Gobbling Gangas.

Gary's friends and their girlfriends and I are going to Gangas, Prasad and I's favourite vegetarian restaurant for life, this Sunday.

By the way, Prasad just got his tonsils removed. Take care! Oh dear. I'm planning to see him on Friday.

Anyway, this is the second weekend we're planning for a weekend eat-trip. It's good to try something new once in a while. And I miss Gangas' thoseis. And the ever sweetening gulab jamun.

Okay, as I'm salivating here over my keyboard, I'd better keep my throat in a good state to withstand the attack of the spices. God, I wanna have naans and thoseis stuffed into my face right now!

It's fun to go on eat-trips. Eateateat. Chomp. I am a glutton. Oh gluttony, let thee be my sin!

I AM BLOODY IN LOVE WITH MYSELF.

I knew it!

Your True Love Is a Gemini

Why you'll love a Gemini: Witty and sharp, a Gemini can keep up with your fast (and ever changing) mind. You're both fun loving and free spirits. You and a Gemini can enjoy each other without expectations. Why a Gemini will love you: Not only can you keep up with a Gemini's sharp tongue, you can introduce a challenge or two... You're appetite for fun and novelty will keep a Gemini interested - at least for a bit longer than usual!

Random pictures.

To start this entry off, Sugar bought me something off the net. Something I told him I liked. And despite being broke, agreed to get it for me. It's SGD13.90 plus shipping. Now I have something to wear around my wrist when Sugar isn't holding my hand. BAHA.


This is so adorable.

While queueing outside Zouk.



After Steamboat/Suntect/MarinaSquare/MilleniaWalk on the way home.



Naw, so cute.

I like wearing my brownish Zara tee because it's like subtly coupleish with Sugar's Nike tee which I bought, actually. I hate obviously couple tees. Like. Puremilk. PMKWTFWTF!

When you're old, at 20-21, it'd be better to slightly colour-coordinate than, wear the same colour and shirt. Not very nice. Unless you'd like to be finger-pointed by me and laughed at by Sugar on the streets.

Couple tees are passe. Really.

The less mundane of things.

I went to the Click Five showcase at Zouk on Wednesday. I have to say, Mambo might just become a thing of the past in no time.

In order to enter Zouk, Sugar and I had to queue up with hoardloads of kids (well, after all, it's clickfive. not madonna.) and we kinda has perspiration boiling our skin off us. And then, some TV crew sorta thing came to interview a couple of people. The lady before us (she was the only one saved from being a teeny bopper) declined the offer to be interviewed so the crew turned their attention to "The Sweet Couple Here". And they asked, what's clickfive to us.

"It was the first song he sent me and that kinda wooed me over. We just started going out together and so that song kinda made it easier to get on further with the relationship." NO I WAS NOT INTOXICATED. But I did sound drunk.

And Sugar said the song was "appropriate for the situation" (the song's Just The Girl by the way).

After we got inside, Sugar said "Why did you tell them I sent you the song! It's illegal!"

"Aiya nevermind la."
Ponders.
"Oh shit."

I scratched my arm with one of the Zouk tables and bled. Boohoo. It's still hurting.

After the performance, we concluded that
1. Zouk does not have the appropriate sound system for band gigs. The accompaniment was way overwhelming.

2. Clickfive can't really sing live.

3. We were among the oldest there.

The showcase ended at 1. We wanted to wait for Mambo and the security tried to drive us out saying we'd have to queue again. (On normal days, you'd know how the queue is like.) So we headed to the bar and asked the management whether we'd still have to be driven out if we bought drinks. The manager checked with the security and realised they were chasing people out because of the age limit. The min age for the showcase was 16. The manager had to check our ICs still. Booo.I'm freaking old looking can.

So much later, Sugar ordered a Stella Artois as we were watiting for 11 to get the 1for1 jugs. We kept waiting, and waiting. And by 10.30 the dance floor was still cold. The bars were sparsely occupied. The place was hald empty. Oh talking about empty, I rushed to the toilet right after the showcase and realised that, THE TOILET WAS EMPTY! Have you seen Zouk's toilet empty? I should have taken a picture.

We got a little bored and decided to leave. And realised there wasn't a queue whatsoever outside Zouk. It was 10.45. Is Zouk dying? EVEN PHUTURE WAS QUEUELESS. I was surprised.

So we took a cab back, had junk supper Macs and then a big wtfwtfwtf issue came up. Which was eventually resolved. Which was so distracting, it made me forget completely about blogging about the Clickfive showcase.

Ah, yesterday we had porridge steamboat at Ang Mo Kio with Thiam and Viv, Hanming and Kailing. Not bad at all, not bad. Homely feeling. AMK central block 712 level 3. Yes, behid Jubilee.

The we went to Suntec. We walked a freaking lot. Sugar has been spending so much, he thought about putting money with me for safekeeping. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I USED TO BE THE ONE WHO NEEDED OTHERS TO SAFEKEEP MY MONEY. WAHAHA. He's so auntie ya know, getting tempted by sales and offers. HAHAHA. Auntie la.

I'm woozy. Zzz. Damn. It's a Sunday! Paper wrapped chicken tonight beside my school. 6 hours from seeing Sugar again.

Materialism.

I'm not broke cuz I'm materialistic. I'm broke because I'm fucking greedy!

I set out writing this entry, trying to show the world how unmaterialistic I am. In fact, I'm hardly realistic. Although I can churn out practical, rational justifications for choices, I seldom partake the route I prescribe for a better me.

I've never owned a branded handbag, the most expensive of them, that I own now, would be a mere $40. Tops? They hardly go beyond $25. And definitely cost less than $40 at any given circumstance. The most expensive dress I have is a $169 frock meant for Junior College prom. The second more expensive dress is a whole $129 cheaper. I have 4 dresses to date. I just bought a pretty pretty very cosplay siao-goth dress, biege and white checks with black lace details and black buttons from This Fashion. GOD FORBID I USE THAT NAME AGAIN! A black dress empire dress, a cyan-printed-detail black pregnant dress, and the black laced prom dress.

I have a great wardrobe. I never realised, until friends started telling me I have truckloads of clothes I know how to mix and match pretty well around with.

My most expensive pair of shoes cost $39.90. For prom again (a good reason to splurge).

The thing is, although I don't go for brand or quality. I go for quantity.

I don't yearn to have Gucci or Prada or breathe Dolce and Gabbana. Eat Loewe, drink LV. God! But I do wish to bind with some Hermes, a la Basic Instinct tie up and kill with icepick white Hermes scarf. Ahem.

I don't buy expensive jewelry.

I don't salivate at Jimmy Choos. Not even Pedder Red.

I don't do my hair at Palais Renaissance. I don't go for weekend spa trips to Bintan. I don't yearn for them. You might argue it's because as a impoverished student, I don't have the ability to get to these treats. But even if I did, I'd spend them on better things. Like. Things that can last. Like a Tiffany's that can be an heirloom. I sincerely think a good T&C commands more respect than the most respectable dye job.

I don't go for facials. I don't splurge on skincare.

MY MONEY GOES TO FOOD.

I don't mind "brands" when it comes to eating. An occasional stroll into Marmalade Pantry or a saunter through Chijmes hurts the pocket but enriches the mind. Really. What better than to internalise luxury. It's a mind over matter thing. Literally. The idea over the object. You can lose a clutch or stain a dress or outgrow a skirt. But the taste and satisfaction gained gastronomically is unforgettable. Especially with the right company to complete the entire package. You can always share the joy of a dessert. But not necessarily the joy of a Birkins.

I've been called down to earth but I've been called bloody socialite-wannabe as well. But if they just bothered to flip the hem of my dress to realise the lack of label, they'd realise my foodcapades stem from greed. Not reputation. Or the desire to appear loaded. I've been told I look loaded too. Interesting.

Maybe it's an upbringing thing. My Mom always dressed us up to the nines and eat the best we could afford, although we were poor. Like Ikan Bilis dry in finance. We used to get our electricity supply cut off because we couldn't pay the bills since my Dad's paycheck was delayed. We used to live by the day. That's why I love sardines with onions, onion egg and baked beans with egg and green bean soup. I grew up with such things, although my Mom would always slip in a good fish porridge whenever we saved enough to splurge at the fishmongers. I grew up as a toddler eating good fish. Because my Mom barely ate anything.

It's a pride thing I guess. That's why I refused to be looked down upon. That even though I can't boast brands splashed across my torso, I dress to look respectable. That I'm wearing what I am because it's my style, not because of a budget. And I have a mentality that goes along with the splurging on food.

Maybe it's Mother's Day. But as I blog this entry, I suddenly feel like crying. I'm proud of my Mom. And I'm proud she's made us what we are sans the beatings. I digress.

I'm not materialistic. And I feel guilty that Sugar got me a bottle of Davidoff Game. It's the first time I asked for something out of nothing. I didn't really asked for it. I merely gave a "sharksfin look" (because we were at tampines mall before that and I looked longingly at the pot of fakey sharksfinsoup and hinted at Sugar to order it) because I really wanted it but was considering the pros and cons.

Thanks Baby. I realised I didn't mention about the fragrance at all in the blog. You have no idea how idiotic I look with that smile on my face when I spritz the fragrance on.

I guess materialism is of middle class exclusivity. It hints at the attempt and wish to attain something above them, in the visible, touchable. Everyone has their own place in society. And I know my place is for cheap tops, shoes, accessories, bags and a hawker/restaurant mix of frequented eateries. For the lack of a better word, I guess that's called my style.

Study plan for the week.

I'm almost finishing Management Accounting. So, tomorrow.

Wednesday Lecture 20-22. + Lecture 1-3
Thursday Lecture 4-13
Monday REVIEW! DO QUESTIONS!

Next week, I'll be doing HRM readings.

OMFG ALOT LEH.

I'M GOING ZOUK TOMORROW, HAPPENING HOR. Only because it's free. I mean, not the mambo part but the Clickfive event invite Sugar got.

I think I'm so happening, I'm a loser.

Because happening people don't think they're happening. Muahahaha.

I just miss dressing up and heading out at night with Sugar. Hmmm. Because my health is much better than when we used to go party a bit. I'm ready for the smoke! *chokes.

Study, study, study. Bit by bit. Allegra, onz tmr not?

The thing about luminous yellow.

I have sporadic preferences, which differs every now and then. They aren't totally mood-based, rather, they are whim-based.

Let's take for example. I used to think pink highlighters were really nice, going through that ahlian pink phase which required me to have pink nails, pink sharp comb, pink bag, pink purse, pink scrunchees and pink underwear. And then, in recent years, I found that looking at pink-highlighted notes made me feel very uneasy. Like my insides were fizzing in some weird adreline rush, which turned me off totally from studying.

Then there was green. I green-highlighted everything, but suddenly I thought the colour creating the same effect as pink. So I chucked it away.

Then there was yellow. Which I used last year for exams. But I suddenly thought it too bright for my eyes.

I moved on to the pinkish-orange shade which isn't easily available for all highlighter brands. I fell in love, and still am in love.

Then now, I'm back to my luminous yellow phase. I actually regret not buying the luminuous yellow Nalgene bottle. I chose moss green. Because it was a safe, dull colour that wasn't a fad. But I really want the luminous yellow bottle. How?

My point is, I have a hundred reasons why I don't feel like studying. Even pen/highlighter colour, font size, FONT FACE even, affects my mood for studying.

Sugar is going to get me luminous yellow highlighter. I told him to get a green one for allegra as well cuz that's the main highlighter colour she uses.

I want that luminous yellow nalgene bottle. And I should start studying soon. Lemme see. I hope Allegra can accompany me more. I LOVE STUDYING WITH HER. Because that's the only time I study.

Alright. I've got a tad bit of drive now. The exams don't seem that impossible anymore. I should just do whatever I can and look at the results.

I love luminous yellow. Now.

Dark ages.

I'm turning dark. This is a crisis in national proportion. Because everyone within the radii of 10m will 1. get to see me dark. 2. hear me whine about my darker shade.

My face is still alright. It's my arm and legs. I sensed something wrong when I stared at my arms and realised they've gotten darker. Sugar confirmed it. The last blow came when my Mom carelessly commented "You like dark already hor?"

OMG! I'm getting dark. DARK. Do you know what that means? I am now at the risk of being deprived of my only source of self-esteem and self-worth as the fairest person in many circumstances. That is one reason that has been keeping me alive when I have my esteem issues shrouding. NOW I am getting darker. Which means I might be so freaking perturbed and depressed, I might DIE! LET ME DIE!

Well, nuff drama. The main thing is, I'm going to try make myself fair again. But the legs part is difficult. Cuz they are so far away (from my eyes). Slapping sunblock on them is going to cost. GODAMMIT!

It's 10.37am now. I'm hiding in my darkdarkdark room without any light source switched on, covered with sunblock on my face, neck and arms.The legs. Well, I'll think about a solution.

But before this chaotah rabbit issue plagued my brain, we had an encore for Prasad's Birthday. Sugar and I gave him treat No. 2 at Capella Chijmes and he treated us to coffee and cake at Starbucks after that. He brought a 1998 bottle of red wine. Of which we didn't open cuz there was a charge of 30bucks. Hell. But... WOOO! Red wine is always good for hormones.

Before we headed out to buy a blouse for a temp job, and the Za whitening two-way cake and vitamin powder. Oh ya. Buying the two-way cake on its own after this promotion will be 29.90. Now they're selling the set, one two-way and one vitamin powder for 24bucks! I whipped two sets back and got two sample sets. I think it really works! But the other parts of my body are getting dark. IRONY! GOD JUST LOVES ME!



So act cute right! Well, I still adore this picture because I look fair and slim and Sugar looks very, very cute.

DINNER! We ordered a set and an entree to share between the 3 of us. (Because the set had like 6 items.) The bill came up to 91bucks. Plus the 80over per pax for the previous congregated dinner, 180 was spent on FOOD ONLY for The Slut's birthday. WAAA.

How... Christian. The image of Christ giving out bread just zapped my brain endlessly when the bread was served. We had two baskets. Balsamic vinegar and olive oil rocks with bread. Especially when the bread's warm and, so omg nice.

Mushroom soup. There were chunks of mushroom inside. Very nice.

Prawns wrapped around with bacon strips. Very, very nice. The prawns were fresh and succulent and HUGEASSED BIG.
THE SORBET AND MAINCOURSE WERE DEVOURED BEFORE PICTURES COULD BE TAKEN. MY APOLOGIES. Adding a mango sorbet before the maincourse lightened our tastebuds and prepped it for the Mango-something chicken. Which were two slabs of chicken breast resting on a bed of sourish mango and something. I'm such an inadequate foodie.

Foie gras with lobster and spinach and mushrooms. OMG! Save me! I love foie gras. Indescribably. And the ensemble was so delicately done, I don't think I had enough of it.

Dessert! Almond pudding (not your average agar agar. this one was thick and packed with flavour) bathing in passion fruit syrup and mixed fruit. Very, very nice, again.

Even the coffee smackedass. It was true italian, I tell you. The coffee made me a very happy woman.

After all the eating...

The Slut and his poses. Haha!

Lotsa pictures turned out blur. Sugar and I had the exact same expression! We look so, vicious. Like. Hurhurhur. I'm going to eat your kid.

What more can you ask for when the two important men in your life are both by your side?

That they love each other too. NAW!

Rabbits hump to heaven.

Sugar and I went Ikea.

I'm forcing everyone to kiss the frog! So gay, so gary, so adorable.

Zoomed in! They're so in love. I'm making my boyfriend sound so gay, saying that he's in love with my bestie and now in love with a male frog.

Rabbit. A waste it wasn't white, or I'd have bought it. The carrot's bloody thick (I always have a way of making things sound obscene.)

We headed to Alexandra Village for dinner. Barbeque fish + carrot cake + 15 sticks of satay + sugar cane juice = 2 fatties. HAHA.

People always say putting on weight is a sign of being happy. Then, damn I'm happy! I'm being fed like a pet rabbit these days, there's no way not to up the scale. Hah.

We heart IKEA!

Baa baa black sheep.

Bunnies, I love bunnies.

Carrots make a rabbit happy.

The Road Not Taken. How Robert Frost.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I digressed.


The bed Sugar is getting. Cuz it's cheap. And we he needs a bigger bed.


I love this picture! Allegra. It's not a funny picture! It really looks very nice!

I wonder if frogs have dimples. JJ Frog!

Prasad The Slut's Birthday!

(Because I am a bloody procrastinator and the pictures are 4 days overdue. No need to apologise for me, I know. I'm beyond help.)

So I'll dedicate this entry to my beloved beloved BESTIE!

Pictures were taken after red wine. Which induces spastic smiling in me. I can't help it! Nonetheless, red wine is good. Because it makes me feel happy, lovey which largely equates to being frisky. (LO AND BEHOLD!) Alright. Ahem. Here are the pictures.

Dinner at Mag's Wine Kitchen. Very, very good food.


Happy Birthday! Cake from Rive Gauche brought over by Kelvin. It was so devilishly delish. OMFG! And the Slut's wearing the Swatch Bijoux ring I go him for his big Two-One!

The Birthday Boy.

Adri and I. I suppose this is the first picture we took together since... we've been JC classmates. I have known her for 4 years, if you see it that way. Woah. We're getting old.

Rohai! La Barbie Doll!

It was a surprise party. Of all the good food, I only managed to snap 6% of the delishness.

THE skinny carrot!

We had a great, great time. Good food, wine and company. Damn, and Prasad's next birthday is a year away.

I SHALL STOP EMOING.

And go bathe. Life is good. Classes on Saturdays kick bad ass!

Excuse me but can I be you for a while.

I need someone to speak to.

All I can hear are voices in disagreement.

You're the last person I want to fight with.

And I'm the second last.

I bared my esteem issues last night. I feel unprotected.

My face is still warm from the tears. My heart is still filled with fears.

Wretchedness.

I have class later. And on Sunday. 10-5 classes. WHAT THE HELL.

I was fearing running a flu yesterday after having taken care of the sick boyfriend. But I recovered. I HAVE AN IMMUNE SYSTEM!

Prasad's litte party thing was last night. The food was fantastic. I had lamb. And I think I had never and won't taste lamb done that well ever and again.

The starter was a sashimi thing that was really intricate. And there was fish roe! I love fish roe!

I'll talk more about it when I put the pictures in. I'll try to grab the pictures from Prasad. OOO!

Kelvin, Rohai, Jinesh and Adrianna planned the dinner in secret to give the boy a surprise. And sure he was. HAHAHA!

And the red wine was good. I wish He was around.

Yesterday saw another emo episode. And I genuinely felt like killing myself for the 8244252656th time.

Exams, boyfriend, money.

My life is becoming a messy, fucked piece of art.

I can't be happy about it. I can't be sad. Either way I'll be called juvenile. Either way I'm called wrong. The staleness scars.

I'm tired. My heart's grated to make rosti, man. I'm tired. Because I can no longer escape in slumber. I'm forced to stretch my eyes goldfishedly open and face everything. If only I had a 3-sec memory as well. I hope.

I can't forgive and I can't forget.

"Hey baby can you bleed like me."

Idling.

I've been idling online, talking to absolutely no one at all, staring into the screen and conceptualising the little something I'm going to be making for The Boyfriend.

I can't say our relationship is not stricken by problems because, there are so many nasty parasites sucking the life outta us, we're keeping ourselves alive by keeping ourselves together.

But despite all the hogwash that floods us too often these days, we always are looking ahead even though we look behind us at the same time. We have disagreements and breakdowns but we still think about what we're going to do next week. Even when we think about giving up, we're thinking about staying together in the future. Nothing has deterred us from anything just yet.

And then the issue about him not having stood up for me came up.

I always want to be protected and defended against even when I'm right. Because it's right to save me some face. If I have erred just tell me afterwards and I'll change. Because no matter what, I'm someone who stands by my man. And I kinda expect that too. I'd put anyone, anyone at all down who has done something that negatively affected my Sugar. Call this maternal instincts. I call this love.

I'm excited about the gift I'm going to give Sugar. He knows about it already, actually. Hmmm.

The sick boy needs some TLC so I'm heading over tomorrow. I miss his Mom's cooking. I miss my Mom's cooking too. I'm a sucker for vegetables. And his Mom always cooks HEAPS of vegetables when I go over. WOOO.

I'm sorry I'm still awake Babe. I'm actually awake, for you. You'll see. Soon. HAHAHA. SOON!

I am starting to love my wardrobe.

Met Prasad this afternoon, after picking up his gift for a cuppa and lunch at Taka Coffee Bean where we bumped into Kenny and had a hilarious chat. I laughed so much my face is hurting.

And Prasad and I headed to Zara and we got two new tops each. But before that, I wore something nice out today!


I was holding on to the two tops I was going to buy, which I bought.


With Prasad! In a top he didn't buy.

Before I headed out. Took this to show Sugar what I was going to wear.

He's ill. I am risking not being able to meet him. Was supposed to cook pasta for him but I guess it's gotta be rainchecked. I could go down and look after this Baby tomorrow. But I've made tentative plans with Allegra and I've got tuition at 8.30pm.

I've not been meeting her to study since. I've not met her to study at all. I feel really bad. And after the manifestation a couple of weeks back, I realised how little I'm meeting her these days as compared to the past. She even wrote a poem for me hating me. Argh.

STOP RAINING ON MY PARADE! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Things just love going wrong on me. Thank you very much, my friend, destiny.

GET WELL SOON. For once you're more sick than I am.

Mobile phones are a pain in the arse.

My 6610's keypad was cranking up so I bought a 6030 phone as a spare.

And I was trying to configure my V3i's MMS settings but to no avail. Even after spending 15minutes with 2 Singtel customer service officers.

And Sugar's testimonials are gone.

I am A VERY IRRITATED WOMAN NOW.

RAWR!

National Service.

Somehow the news has settled down. Sugar sounds beyond excited to get enlisted. And our conversations revolve around nothing else but NS. How I'm going to spend time with him after my exams (I finish exams on 31/05/06. He's getting enlisted on 02/06/06. So we've technically got 1 day to spend quality, stressless time with one another.), how I'm going to send him off, how I'm going to wait at home for his calls everyday during his 2 weekends of initial confinement, how I'll have to reply his messages promptly to not make him worry being stranded in another offshore island, how I'm going to wait for him to come back on the 17th, how I'm going to send him back to camp, how I'm going to try to dedicate my weekends to him, especially during the BMT period, no less.

And somehow, he asked me why I cried and I said I couldn't bear to see him suffer. He replied nonchalantly, "You know I like it!". Men. Are. Masochistic.

I went to sweep my Granddad's grave this morning. He's passed away for 18 years now. It's sad the only thing I remember about him is his funeral. Many flashbacks, although I was only 3. All the procedures are etched vividly in my head.

Campus Superstar is funny. The person who looks like Wilber has the x-factor but his voice is... OMFG! Teresa sounds very pretty. And the choral accompaniment. Walao. Cheat la!

The day has arrived...

In an envelope. Opened by Sugar's parents. Which immediately initiatied a phonecall to be made to my Babyboy. Yeah, he's enlisting.

And then, he went to the MIW website to check out which school he's going to. And I cried. For the second time today, after watching Kenny Dies. Southpark keeps making me cry.

I don't know whether it's the fear that we'd have greater security and attention issues to consider or that I just think I'll miss him. And the days we always spend doing nothing but chatting with one another, uttering rubbish, with southpark impersonations now slipping into our conversations. Yes, it's good to smell your own smug.

Anyway. He's going to serve National Service from 02/06/06 onwards. Which means, after the two weekends confinement period, he'll be out on the 17th. Just in time to celebrate my great big-assed 21. I've already told him that since I am not going to have some bash or get-drunk-and-lose-your-virginity kinda session, I am counting on him to make it memorable, unforgettable, ass kicking. Oh come on baby!

I drew a lot at the Kuan Im temple today regarding US. And somehow, the Kuan Im lots always speak of Sugar as a positive thing in my life. That whenever I go draw a lot, it's because something bad is happening now but fret not because the storm is almost over kinda thing. The previous time was when I was irritated at the state of my love life and went to seek some audience and guidance. And then, they tell me the storm is going to be over and the old will give way to the new. In less than a week, this GARY messaged me and it all began.

Then, there was today's lot. Which somehow mentioned about people saying bad things. Ahem. Yes. Censorship please. But still telling me that everything will be fine and this period is just a phase and time will drive it way. Uh huh.

So I guess all is well then, I hope. Yes... Everything will be fine.

Clumsy.

I just spilt water on my keyboard for the 452548836751th time. But it's the first ordeal for my new keyboard.

Well, I'm all dressed up to head out now. Lunch with Sugar, studying at Harbourfront. Dinner with Sugar. Notice how we're occupying every possible slot we have?

I just texted Lin whether she'd want to study at Harbourfront because, it's her area right? And it's always good to study. Good.

I'm going to do section B of Psychology today. Not as if it matters to you or you'd want to know. But, I don't know.

I've not stepped out of Sengkang since. I don't know when. GOD! Sunday? It's been whole half a week. Damn.

Alright. I'll go now, before I slip into impunctualtiy again and get buttered from head to toe.

GONE!

Exams.

They make me sleep. Really. I've been averaging an amount of more than 10 hours a day, getting into bed by twelve, waking up after eight, taking a nap in the afternoon. I have to say, my progress in studying isn't that magnificent. I guess I have to draw out a schedule soon. Better yet, get out of the house to study. Because you know, my bed is really nice to sleep on.

I've been eating instant noodles everyday. I am bored. And too lazy to step into the blazing sun. Not as if anything around my area is that attractive to my palate anyway. They are dull mixes of cuisines that, really, are edible so they are called food.

I'm bored. Thoroughly bored. The last time I went shopping was eons ago. I need to study soon. Seriously.

I'm going down harbourfront to meet Sugar for lunch, after which I'm going to rot at some coffee place and do some serious studying. I need it. Really. I shall do psychology tomorrow. (Lo and behold.) And I hope this works. Argh. I've got tuition tonight.

Damn, I seem to have the brain activity of an amoebae.

Obsession.

I have a newfound obsession.

COWHEAD CHEESE SANDWICH CRACKERS.

OOO they taste like heaven.


Sorry that it's blur.

How nicely packed!

The trytophan in my HL milk dosage is setting the sleepyhead inside me off. Chipsmore and milk make rabbits go to heaven. Because they put them to sleep.

But I'll try studying HR (which doesn't help, doesn't help at all.) and wait for Sugar to reach home.

I feel like a housewife!

Flickr!

Birdie has a post-bath hairdo. And my new fringe! Yipee.

Love/hate.

I love glutinous rice, curry fishhead, cheesecake and coffee. But I do not like stomaches. Especially when they hurl you out of the bed at 7.24a.m and prove themselves uneventful with artful constipation.



At least I have this to cheer me up. =D And that's my new 17" monitor. Woo.

I am stomaching, though. Zzz.

Que Sera Sera.

It took me 21 years to realise how prophetical my Mom is.

Years ago, she told me to study hard because "You don't have the looks. So you must study hard. That's the way to stand out from the crowd and get married."

Somehow the only solace I'm seeking in are my qualifications. I know this is evil and derogatory and elitist but, heck. Whatever keeps me alive.

Ok. Lemme see. I can draw, stitch, web design, photoshop, sing in a choir, do handicrafts, bake, cook, wash, clean and write essays. I should be proud.

Now you know why I picked up so many things. I realised Porter's Competitive Strategy way early. Market share through Differentiation. That was what I was betting on.

My Mom used to always sing Que Sera Sera to me. I realised it made a big impact in my life. That I am so RELAC LA because it's a mindset, not a habit. To not place so much weightage on anything to avoid disappointment. As long as I am alive, I'm fine.

Alright. I feel better now. At least I can look deceivingly good in pictures. Sometimes. Okay. Okay. At least I can write. At least I am alive now to psyche myself up now. Cuz it means that I have a brain. And I have yet to fall off that 17th floor ledge.

Don't rain on my parade.

When I am at the lowest of esteem, this close from thinking I've snapped that red line in my head, I flip through the pages of the newest copy of Maxim my brother bought, and finds, on my own, and by my own intuition, my boyfriend's ex girlfriend running for Miss Maxim, clad in a pink/red bikini.

And his best friend had to say "Regret or not?"

I am not well. As far as I am concerned. Anyone of you out there can call me asking for sympathy or attention. But I don't even have a fucking comment function so I am obviously making my own peace.

I once told him that, my self-confidence and esteem are man made. Artificial. Induced. And so the balance is fragile. So this really isn't a good time for me to see his ex girlfriend's tits staring into my face. No. Maybe it's NEVER ok. What a joke, right? When he tried to keep me from seeing her thru pictures or at her workplace, I see her in mass media. Like GOD can't let me off. Like. LOOK. THIS IS HER.

I wasn't sure. But tallied her surname with him. For that moment, I felt numb. Nothing at all. Then the boobs started flashing in my head. Then the comments. Then. Somehow my brain was all chowdy. But a Black Forest at Coffee Bean kept me sane.

But I guess I'm okay now. Although, please, Lord oh I don't know who the hell is up there, Don't Rain On My Parade. Not when I'm fucking drenched already.

Why the hell am I so whiney these days?

Married. =)

OH MY BABIES!

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adopt your own virtual pet!

Too rough of a patch.

These days, I cry for not too spectular a reason. Weep, get heartaches, go all neurotic. The triggers are being so minute, they're microscopic. I have flashes zapping in my mind. Thinking I'm free-falling from somewhere to the ground. Thinking how life would be without me around. And when I stop thinking, I feel pain. And I cry. The cycle continues. And since I'm already so old and supposedly jaded, I don't really dare tell this to anyone in real. To save myself from being called juvenile, immature, weak or just plained fucked in the head.

The only person I told this to, told me to stop it all. And that if I don't, that person won't be able to manage. And I would be left alone.

I know this is going to be read. But I have to tell someone. Because I'm hiding and crying and I don't know why. Maybe it's hormonal, biological. Or mental or emotional. I don't know anymore. I have times that I feel better. But the balance is delicate and fragile.

I am asking for help. But maybe people won't understand this, since I don't understand it either. It's way too silly to be this low. Whatever happened. And before I find the root cause, I'm trying hard to contain everything. Hush hush about everything. Maybe it's my exams? Money? You? I don't know. Don't ask me anymore.

Why am I being like that. Yeah. I can be stronger. Smile at everything that is going wrong. Sweep everything under the carpet. Escape. What I always did. I always tell people, don't fear confrontation because that's the only way to solve things. And I guess that's why I'm fatalistically lounging into confrontation. Clarfication. I fear a more feaful nightmare.

I'm living a nightmare of maybes. Because the unknown is always so much more powerful than the material.

I feel better already. And so I shall have lunch. And gorge. And.

I'm sorry for anyone who's going to get frustrated by this. I apologise. I just need everything to be well. And silent. And quiet. And nice. To be happy. Harmonious. Blissful. Although life was never good to me. Ideal to me, it was. For more than a month. And everything changed.

Maybe this is a manifestation of an overdue culmination. The evil snowball.

I should just shut up and go eat. Yeah. Eat. Goodbye.

Today.

I cried alot today.

I saw rabbits today.

I decided I will keep rabbits in the future today.

I almost didn't survive today.

I had lunch with Sugar today.

I cut my fringe today.

I am going to call it a day.

Although it's already tomorrow.

Feels like tomorrow. Feels new.

Feels like a better day to be with you.

Goodnight.

Help me.

Just help me. I wanna cry. I wanna die. But disregard all this drama. I want you. But maybe I can't. I shouldn't. I need you. But maybe you don't need me too. Maybe everything's not true. Maybe it's momentary. But for now, it feels like forever. I want to hold you. Speak to you. But I don't want to apologise. I don't want to believe I am hurting you. Because if I am, I'll have to let you go. Maybe I should disappear, but I don't want to leave without you. Maybe I'm just being a child. I'm just being weak. And that's why I need you. Help me.

Garbage - #1 Crush

I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine

I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear

I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart

I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me

Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored

I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sail ships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you.

Blunders

Blunders, how they sound like thunder,
Deafen my senses,
Deplete my chances,
I thought I used up yesterday.

They sound like thunder,
Hark don’t you?
And my mistakes rain like broken glass
Pitter patter, pain feeds on the past.

I never wanted it to rain,
I never learnt to sing in it.
But I’m drenched to the skin
With flaws you called sins.

I hear thunder,
When you hear my blunders.
We’re preying on each other
Because our love refuses to falter.

I'm wet through, so are you.

I love you.

Reunion of the camwhores.

Lin and I met today. And it was rather ironic that we didn't take any pictures together. Because in the past, we always did. Maybe it was because we had so much catching up to do that we forgot totally about taking pictures or even listening to Lin's mp3s (although she did mention that her earphones have gone busted AGAIN for the 2511574527452th time). We realised how much we've changed or grown, as you might call it, since the last time we met.

It dawned upon me that we could possibly have not met for 4 months, since I don't remember hanging out like that (1 on 1 at Starbucks Liat) with Lin after I got together with Sugar. It's really difficult to tear myself away from him. I'd have strong urges to see him whenever he's not around, even when he's just at the LRT station near my place, making his way back.

I was talking about Lin. Yes Lin. Ahem I have digressed. We were musing ourselves with our recent/current perplexes and bictchabouts what not, talking about our boyfriends and us, and how similar certain things are. Her boyfriend is 21 this year. And my Sugar has turned 21. We're all 1985s. I just thought it was kinda... cute a statistic.

We had Venti Rhumba frappe and Large Burger King fries. And I don't know why I am telling you this.

Anyway. Having been so out of touch from one another, having different events happening to us but still being able to be so similar in thought and disposition. It's interesting. And really sweet. I guess friends are what you call people who can not meet you for eons and still know you like the back of their hands when you meet up. And I think real friends are low maintenance. Lol. You don't have to make an effort to keep in contact because you don't need to fear losing any bit of that friendship. Hmmm.

And I missed talking to that girl with the messy hair that's always so dark and nicely thick and all over the place. When my hair is all over the place, it's a nightmare. But her's look so natural! And... BOUNCY! Yes I'm still talking about her hair.

ALRIGHT. I'm getting mushy here. So I was bored (But you would know better. Heh.) and decided to wear all office-ish (Office Lady just sounds pornographic.), white blouse, black skirt, stockings and heels. But it was bloody warm and I almost died with that collar around my neck.

Met Sugar at Dhoby Ghaut and went back home. And, hohoho, we met my Mom at the foodcourt buying the SAME stall vege rice as us and is the first person before us. Call this coincidence.

Sugar always looks so cute in shirt and pants. Woohoo.

Okay, I should stop fantasizing now.

Lunch with Florence tomorrow. It's going to be her birthday tomorrow and I'm getting to meet her! I'll be sure to take alot of pictures. SHE'S GOING TO TURN 21! We all are going to. Did I tell you I bought the Olay Total Defense thing because I think I'm ageing?

I've got a feeling my Mom is biased towards Sugar. She gave him the steamed egg before giving it to me. Like it's because she thought Sugar was so poor thing with meagre amounts of dishes on his plate and so to sayang him she gave him the steamed egg and then because I'm her daughter no choice have to give me a portion too. Grrr.

Oh by the way, can you believe it? I have class on Wednesday evening. And it has to be HRM! What the heck. Thank god I'm slipping a lunch date with Sugar.

There is actually such a thing called sugar honey. Holy diabetic.

Date Movie.

Sugar and I went to watch Date Movie. He redeemed his $1 ticket and got a dollar off for mine. Woo. A pair of saturday movie tickets for $9.50. Woohoo.

The pictures we took after eating sushi (with our bare hands and standing by side of the isle) and after washing our hands before Date Movie.



I swear I looked weird yesterday!

The movie was funny. Nachos was undersupplied (Damn you cost-cutting GV scrooges) and my throat was still alive!

Sugar brought me to Clementi (just) to eat the Western Food his friends always rave about. The dessert stall was open as well. He told me that I was darned lucky because the two stalls seldom open together or open at all. In fact, we went there prepared to be disappointed.



My mixed grill for $5.50.

Chicken chop for $4.50.

Ice kachang (and my cheng teng) for $1 each. WALAO. CHEAP LA.

THE FOOD WAS SO FREAKING GOOD!
I don't regret going there even though I had a sore throat last evening that I still do now.

Then off to Wala. Met Sealed with A Kiss and Vivian. UnXpected sang all the nice tunes I love. Radiohead, Franz Ferdinand, Joni Mitchell, Jewel. And Sugar and I's favourite song by HEART. HOHOHO! 1 pint of Hoegaarden and 1 pint of Erdinger made me have a stomache when I got home. It's rare. But I felt extremely sleepy only an hour after the booze. Beat the lag man.

The sleep was sweet. Beer is always good when you're heaty. But I really should return to spirits and what not soon before people (really) start offering me seats on the MRT.

Why Breakfast for Tiffany's.

While shopping for couple bands (and consequently being exposed to solitaires that will titillate the most humble of women) salesgirls kept showing us solitaires, prolly because they roll in the biggest bucks for any jeweller. One ring easily costs $2000. And most of the time, the man doesn't settle for the second best, not (only) because he thinks his spouse deserves the best but the size of the bling largely determines the size of his paycheck or bank account. Men are chauvinistic, egotistical creatures.

So we looked at those Destinees, Brilliant Roses, Celestials, at awe with the size of the diamonds and the digits on those harmless looking pricetags with an envious eye. After all, we're supposed to get couple bands. Not an engagement ring... yet.

But I got confused many a time. The engagement ring is the one that he proposes with right? Then if they get registered to get married, do they get another ring for the girl? What about when they get married a couple of months from their ROM date, are they supposed to exchange rings again? This is all confusing.

We got SK Jewelry's True Love series wedding bands as our couple bands. I actually thought of getting rings from a normal jeweller because it'd cost much cheaper. But Sugar's kind of a Brandwhore so he insisted we get something from a reputable boutique instead of some Golden Dragon, Prosperous Harmony kinda shop. Alright then. So we have to pay more for the branding and the cut and the design. But I have to say, designer rings fit like a dream. We tried Jorn Rainer rings and they fit like nothing on earth. True Love came close as a second. It grips tight. You feel the slight clasp but you hardly feel restrained. It's kinda the ideal for someone like me who doesn't have an engorged joint in the middle of my finger. Any looser, my ring will fly out when I'm shampooing my hair.

OKAY. I have digressed. Why Tiffany's. Because Sugar promised me a Tiffany & Co solitaire engagement ring when (and if) we're getting engaged. Please do not be mistaken. He did not make that statement under any kind of physical, emotional or mental threat. He said, true to a Brandwhore that, "If you want to get it, you have to get it from the best." You said it, Baby.

And why Breakfast. One evening, we thought of making breakfast together. We bought bacon, sausages, eggs (because eggs aren't that fast moving a product in my fridge so the previous batch turned bad.), baked beans and picnic ham.

In the morning, I woke up early to prepare breakfast. Frying the bacon made the entire counter slicked with oil. I got a severe ballastation from my Mommas after that but, that's not the point.

The bacon turned out okay. But I think I should bake it in the oven. The ham was done on the stove as well. The scrambled eggs were a success. My recipe to scrambled eggs (a la MacDonald's big breakfast) The egg:milk ratio should be 2:1. The colour should be like the flesh of a lemon. Put in pepper and light soya sauce. Beat till even and little bubbles litter the surface. Put a greased saucepan on stove, on low heat and pour egg mixture in. Stir and wait as the egg coagulates. Nonstick pans will be ideal. Keep stirring as the mixture gets thicker and when the egg becomes hardened to a desired degree get it off stove ASAP! SALT TO BE ADDED AS DESIRED ON PLATE. Everyone has different taste buds. And saltiness is a very tricky thing.

Right. Baked beans were heated in the microwave, sausages were done in the toaster. Sugar helped with the sausages that eventually was this close from exploding. (We call it STEAM STEAM sausages. How crude!). So this was the "American Breakfast" I made for Sugar. High calorie, high fat, high energy. So sinful. So delish. OMG!

He was kinda touched that I woke up early to make him breakfast because I think he always wanted someone to do that for him (or maybe someone has but...). Hmmm. $10 for two servings of American Breakfast. Not too bad huh, considering you're getting bacon, ham, sausages, loads of egg and baked beans.

I'm glad I impressed Sugar with my scrambled eggs. They never turned out quite as lovely before that because I was always afraid of adding too much milk. Be BRAVE! Add the milk! Of course, not to a 1:1. You'll be simmering egg solids over the stove.

So now. The connection between Breakfast and Tiffany's. Because I'm putting in all this effort, impress impress impress Sugar, in hope that if I am sweet and hardworking enough, proving myself to be domestic yet impossibly intelligent a Business student, I will get a bigger Tiffany. That is to say, a bigger Tiffany's solitaire.

Now, Breakfast for Tiffany's. Sounds fair enough, doesn't it.

New Layout!

Now, this is my version of Breakfast at Tiffany's.