I'm just watching a bad dream I'd never wake up from.
Find out what anime bad boy you are.

07:15 a.m.
Thursday, August 22, 2002
I realized that some things in here I don’t want people seeing/reading, so ive removed the link from my aim profile, and only hope no one finds this again. I know a few people may read it if they are bored, but they never mention any of it, so alls cool.
I just wanted to talk about something that I hate about myself for a few minutes. Why is it, that I become emotionally attached to people I don’t even know? Take for instance my friends online, which im mainly talking about. Now granted, probably none care about me, which is normal, im a faceless guy on the other end of a global wire called the internet. Like I said, normal. But why is it that I, this guy, come to think of people like family, and actually care about what goes on in their lives, if they are hurting, if they are in need of a shoulder to cry on, beat, or just rant and rave. Is something wrong with me? I mean, no one ever says hey, are you ok? How was your day? Sleep ok? But things like that matter to me for some unknown reason. I wish I could, or someone else could explain it, cause I would really like to know. If not, am I the only person like that? That’s this stupid? No, personally I don’t think its stupid to care about other people, but I don’t even know what im talking about anymore. But this all stemmed from a talk I had with a friend, and im glad it came to my attention that im like this and all… Hmmm…the more I think on it the more it seems that its like I never had a family when I was growing up, so I come to think of others as that family, like im trying to fill a 21 year long hole, which is stupid. Hmm…isn’t it amazing what you can come up with after staying awake for a long time? I even amaze myself. So, now that ive found the problem, addressed the problem, it is time to come to a suitable conclusion, based on all facts gathered. It is plain to see I should stop doing that, thinking as others as real family, cause if its not returned, which it NEVER would be, then it only feels empty. And the theme of all this is..thats just stupid XP
Hai…hai..im an idiot…but hey! I never claimed to be otherwise! XD
O, and if anyone does actually read this…pay it no mind, and don’t think..ack nevermind, lol.

03:59 a.m.
Thursday, August 22, 2002
Another day down ^_^


Yep, thats right ladies and gents, one down, more to go. Not a lot happened today...at all really. Shic, Kak, and myself opened our newly formed board, I only hope it does well and doesn't lead to fights or regrets or anything like that, for that would suck.

I'm going to try and see my aunt today, she was in a nursing home but shes been moved to a hospitol again. I don't know if I can, but I will try. Pretty cowardly, ne? hai...hai. And with a "who cares, ne?" I leave you for this night, this dark, dark night of which innocent sould fall peril in the clutches of that which is evil. Ok, no more late nite snacks for me..

04:46 a.m.
Weds Aug 21
Geez...


Sorry havnt written in a few days, been kinda busy with a lot of nothing. Watched a couple good series, Lain, and Now and then, here and there. They were both really good, though very sad, which kinda suited my mood, so alls good.

They buried my nephews grandpa today, and im glad to say my nephew is as evil as ever. Wish death was that easy for us all. I havnt been to se my aunt yet, just cant bring myself too, though my wife has. I feel the same thing happeneing that happened with my dad, one morning ill just get a phone call that shes gone and please come pick up her stuff. I shouldnt write all this down...but o well, im feeling nostalgic..or not. The only thing different this time is it wont be the day after christmas. I only hope i can muster the courage to go see her..its just hard t see her like tha

02:28 a.m.
Monday, August 19, 2002
WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SO PISSY ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



GAHHHHHHHHHHH THE HELLLLL

04:00 p.m.
Friday, August 16, 2002
O man...thi day was going good...but its in the toilet and flushing now. They arnt expecting my aunt to make it through the night, and my nephew, whos only 6, his grandpa is in the hospitol dying write now, and hes here with me. SO many friggen deaths i

12:43 a.m.
Thursday, August 15, 2002
Another day


Had a good day today...didn't do anything..

My wife mentioned something about depression tonight and I told her I sometimes went through it at night...she was surprised, but thankfully I was on my way to work and couldn't really talk or anything then..so Im hoping she forgets about it cause I didn't mean to tell her...ack..took this test..

Passion. Desire. Courage. Lust.
Take the quiz.

12:13 a.m.
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
Well..today started out ok, made my own little msg board, mostly just for RPGs and stuff, I know everyone has their own..but I couldn’t help myself, since I love RPing. After all that I went to bed and slept for I think 8 hours straight, which rocked, cause I woke up feeling good. But of course that had to change tonight..I was just sitting there on the computer and my nose started bleeding..then not long after that my head literally felt like it was about to explode. I think that in all the pain ive had in my life that was one of the worst, I wished I would have passed out or something, anything…Im feeling better now though, so alls cool ^^ Sometimes though it makes me wonder… This online world as we know isn’t real, and one day I think that this sickness or whatever the hell it is will take over me and I’ll disappear from it. Maybe no one would notice, maybe a few would, but it still sucks. I think I’ll stop thinking now and listen to some tunes^^ Ah, and Im giving up on fushigi yuugi for the moment, and think ill watch Seriel experiments lain. Ja~

07:47 a.m.
Sunday, August 11, 2002
*Yawn*


Had an ok night last night, didn't do anything but watch The Time Machine..which I already saw in the theater..but it was still ok. Watched some more of Fushigi Yuugi..it's starting to get better..


Laterz~

06:14 a.m.
Saturday, August 10, 2002
8-10-02 @ 6:14am

WOOOOOOOOOOO
Yea, I had a good night, watched Showtime, with Eddie murphy and Rodert Dnero....man that was a funny movie..then I got 3 hours of sleep and am about to go to work. so alls i gots to say is...hope the days stays this nice ^_~

Laterz J-kun!
~Jace

10:06 p.m.
Friday, August 9, 2002
8-9-02 @ 10:07pm



Slept all day today, then watched The new guy and Clockstoppers...so far so good ;)


~Jace

11:55 p.m.
Thursday, August 8, 2002
GaH FREAKING GAH!! I want to delete this post soooo bad....but I guess that wouldnt be right....*inches toward the delete button..GAH>>>>>>>*dies*


8-9-02 @ 12:00am


*Think happy thoughts*

Ok, that doesn’t really work. Life is sucky right now, Just got to work, had a fight with my wife before leaving..even though I was trying to have a decent conversation and maybe bring up some stuff I’d been thinking about, but that worked about as well as..well it didn’t. She really pissed me off..I swear if I didn’t have a family to think about I don’t know if I would be alive right now, it freaks me out but all the way to work I was wondering what it would be like to just let go of the steering wheel and see what happens. Of course my car has great balance so I would have went in straight line for a while.


Why is it so bad sometimes? I’d had a really good day up until tonight, then everything just feel apart. Again. It always seems to happen for some reason, and I can’t say things don’t bother me, because they do. Though if anyone reads this rant you will forget that. Im Superman, nothing can hurt me.

I don’t know anymore…Sometimes I think people would be better off without me, but I cant stand it when people go on pity parties, so right now im pretty much hating myself, and death to those who attempt to talk to me. Gah…I can go on forever about nothing…it seems that that is a specialty of mine.

What I wish is just to have one decent conversation with someone about reality, but theres no one. I think I shall start talking to myself, though I’m not much help. No, I’m not nuts yet..but sometimes I wonder. Well journal…it’s been real..thanks for letting me get all that off my chest, though I don’t feel any better and my head is splitting in 2. *moves the steak knife to the other side of the desk* I think I shall listen to some music until my real work starts..or something.

Later Journal,
~Jace

08:44 p.m.
Thursday, August 8, 2002
forgot to say..HAppy happy joy joy,


Later Journal, Jace

08:40 p.m.
Thursday, August 8, 2002
8-8-02 @ 8:41pm
Hai..Hai..

Happy days are somewhere...XD
Nah, today was a good day, everything went smooth and all that. Nothing really happened..except I told someone my deepest fear..lol..I feel kind of stupid now..but my deepest fear is cancer..sometimes i think the moods i have is because something like that is wrong...my dad, my aunt, grandparents, all died/dieng from it, so it gives place for wonder.

12:58 a.m.
Thursday, August 8, 2002
8-8-02 @ 12:58
umm..Yawn?


O man...I didn't get near as much sleep as I wanted today..sucks. Now I'm online, and alone, like usual XD. Always happens at night because I work alone, so this is the time my mind thinks. And no..it doesn't hurt -.-
I hope to go see my aunt tomorrow...my cousin, who is only 16 has now became a legal adult...It's hard to believe..but he ha no choice. I can't imagine what I would do if I knew my mom was dying in 5 months. I think I'm going to have him come stay a couple of weeks, maybe take him camping..he has 2 half brothers, but one is across the state and the other has his own family to worry about on top of everything else. Looking at his life, I just don't know what I would do..when my dad died it was sudden though he'd been sick for..well, I didn't know him well so I don't know how long, or if it was before or after the alchohol. Anyway..just some thoughts..hai hai

~Jace

04:31 a.m.
Wednesday, August 7, 2002
8-7-02 @ 4:32am
Whew

Wow...I'm actually feeling better..anyone care? Helloooo..Heloooo
Journal: "Why, hello Jace. I'm glad you're better."
Jace: "Why, thank you journal!"

*hugs*
Jace: "I knew you'd be here J-kun."
Journal: "Where the..where would I go you moron?!"
Jace: "-.-"
Jace:"You're lucky I can't burn you."


What you lookin at? You never fought with your journal? Lemme 'lone.

~Jace

12:55 a.m.
Wednesday, August 7, 2002
8-7-02 @ 12:55am
O great

Great..I'm dizzy and my head is about to explode. Been feelin it all day...but now I think I'm sick, and still have 6 hours of work left, then a drive home...by the time I get home I will have been up 25 hours...ack. I never get sick.. mumbleshopeimakeithomecoughcoughmumbles..later journ. ~Jace

05:22 p.m.
Tuesday, August 6, 2002
8-6-02 @ 5:25pm
Just got home..XD


Home again home again. Ahhh what fun what fun...didn't really do anything...checked in the rooms...went swimming for a few hours...ate some pizza...slept..got up...went to get some breakfast..went to the zoo...o the zoo..Better than last year, the kids loved it. Got some pics and stuff I may upload, or not. hehe. anyway, it was an enjoyable time, besides the 3 hours in my car, that always sucks, and the beds were to soft,>.<

~Jace

07:37 a.m.
Monday, August 5, 2002
8-5-02 @ 7:37am About to leave


If I make it back alive see you tuesday night journal ol pal.
If anyone else reads this..*waves*

09:03 a.m.
Sunday, August 4, 2002
8-4-02 @ 9:03am At work...arn't I always?


Another day, another dollar. Such were the words spoken by...well..some idiot long ago. hai hai...Yesterday was a good day, except for SOME CRAPPY ANIME THAT WOULDNT RECORD!! DEATH TO IT!! DEATH I SAY!!

hai hai..im over it. I'm going to send the guy my master cd..arnt i so sweet...no? I didnt think so either but HA! I got a whoppin 6 hours sleep last night, longest in...wow...long time. (at night that is) Im just a night owl. This may be one of my last entries for a couple of days, after I finish burning some cds tomorrow morning around 9 or so i shall not be online until tuesday night sometime. T_T no one shall miss me...and i shan't tell anyone im going either! there! neiner neiner! Im hyper today. I have decided being sad sucks, so XP.

*Yawn.* O YES!! Tonight is Adult Swim! I shall spank them all with moonrocks! Cant wait.

08:37 a.m.
Saturday, August 3, 2002
8-2-02 @ 8:37 Awake, hai hai


*YAWN* 3 hours of sleep rules all. Work sucks, life is good. Went to bed at 3, got up at 6, and feel great. Or did I already say that? Got another sister yesterday, her name is DarkSealf. I dun think she'll ever see this but if she does..*waves XD* If only my real

Day started out sucky, but I think it will be better. If not, who cares, ne? lol. It will be better. O yes, ut shall. Much love. ~jace

Mood: Happy
Song: Blues Traveler-Run around

02:01 a.m.
Saturday, August 3, 2002
8-3-02 @ 2:01am Awake

I'm off work tonight and still awake. It's been a good day today, but for some reason I feel like I'm getting into one of those moods. It's scary sometimes, cause it just hits you all of a sudden. I rarely get depressed, cause what's the point? But sometimes at night when your by yourself your brain thinks too much and you find yourself in what i like to call, the black abyss. Of course it will be gone in a few hours, but whil it lasts it really sucks. Just got finished with rollerball, maybe that added to it. Now the flintstones is on. Shoot me.~Jace.

08:22 a.m.
Friday, August 2, 2002
same day, 20 minutes later:

I saw I havn't mentioned my other daughter! GAH How stupid can a man be? She knows how stupid..XD HEY PETITE!! **HuG** *watches her melt** Petite...what can i say about amanda? She's smart, never afraid to tell you what she thinks, which I think is great. And she calls you on your B.S. Check out this Banner she made...shes mucho talented:

07:52 a.m.
Friday, August 2, 2002
8-2-02 @ 7:53am

Another nite down. I have a LOT of cd's to copy this weekend...and I mean alot! But right now I'm happy, I'm talking to my sister on aim, she just woke up and the conversations are always interesting XD. If you read this jen..HI! *waves* much love SISXD [*=P~~!!]
Well, that's all thats interesting right now..my headaches gone thankfully...thought I was dieing or something there for a while..sucked. But now I'm good, day's starting off good, so I'm out. Laterz~Jace

02:07 a.m.
Friday, August 2, 2002
8-2-02 @ 2:07am
-.-

Well...wasn't in the mood for Najica anymore, so I thru on some Ayashi no ceres, It's supposed to be some dark, sad anime. I dunno...but the girl's dad just got killed in front of her so that can't be good. Just though I'd update that. Ah and guess what...going to tx mon & tues...swimming and the zoo and some science thing or something...I just want to get out of town...Ja.

Mood: Compacant
Song:But Anyway, by the Blues Travelers. Gotta love the blues dude. WHy? Because I said so. Dun like it? Bite me.
Comments: The hell you think all that up there was...?

12:20 a.m.
Friday, August 2, 2002
Friday, August 2, 2002 @ 12:20 a.m.
At work..yay for me..XD

Hai...I'm at work. WOOOOOOO!! It's not that bad, been pissin people off and watching najica blitz, which is filled with nothing but half naked women. Shocked? I'd just rather have more action...I don't mind and all..but still, I just got done watching a romance, so I wanted blood. But none to be found. Ah well.
They are putting my aunt in a nursing home tomorrow..kinda tough because thats what they did to my dad before he died.O well, ne? Laterz.

09:18 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Thursday, August 1, 2002 @ 09:18 p.m.

AWWWWWWW THANK YOU NAMI!! I LOVE YOU DAUGHTER O' MINE!!

Hai..she made this for me...I'd forgotten about it...T_T

Thanks so much nami...you're the best!

07:12 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Thursday, August 1st, 2002 @ 5:08 pm

nyo...
*YAWN*

Sleep owns. No matter what probs you have, or how good your life is..SLEEP OWNS.

Nami nami nami....I was trying to think of something to say about her here, but it's hard to put nami into words. So let me just say..You're awesome daughter. Great sense of humor, always nice to talk to, and always honest. Did I mention beautiful?

I'll tell you about my other daughters later, but for now I must go fight a friend.

Current Mood: cheerful

07:08 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Thursday, August 1, 2002 @ 8:40 am

Sigh..hai hai

You know journal...I've really got to stop talking about you to other people..You're a great outlet but I guess its weird someone my age having a journal or something...hai hai.

O, and all that b.s before...must have been my sleep talking. whatever. Later. Jace

Current Mood: amused

07:02 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Thursday, August 1, 2002 @ 4:33 am

Hai hai.

Finished Onegai Teacher..what an awesome series. This dude had a problem with his health, whenever he got to feeling really really low (depressed) he would withdraw into himself, like a coma. Time would literally stop for him. He would stay the same as the world around him passes by, not growing, not moving forward, not doing anything but staying still.

That sucks. I want to move forward, theres alot of life I want to experiance. It's hard sometimes, and sometimes you wish time would stop for you, but it can't, and you have to push forward no matter how hard, no matter what may come. Yes, I'm preaching to myself, so shut it. What would I do if time stopped for me? Who knows, but it would suck. Of course you wouldn't get hurt anymore, no more pain would enter your heart, but at the same time any joy you have, had, or will have would stop. Disappear. That would be a bloody shame.

Do I sometimes wish my time would stop, freeze, and save me from the pain we sometimes have to endure? well ofcourse, who doesnt? When I look around me at others living their lives I am sometimes envious, jealous. I know alot of times I feel left out with friends, yes even those online. It sucks to be alone in a group. So what do I do when this happens? Do I withdraw so to speak? Nah..I can't really say what I do. Usually I just quit talking or something, alot of times just watch as others have a good time, happy for them, at the same time, yes envious. But hey, who cares, ne?

Point to all this rambling, dear journal? Well...I was hoping you could tell me...no? Fine, I shall tell you..(moron)

I shall not stop as the guy did, that would suck. I have a good family that loves me, I love them. Even though there are things I cannot even talk to my wife about,(like the things I tell you) I love her with all my heart. Maybe one day I can talk to her about these moods I get in, the feelings I have toward my father, even though he isnt here anymore, my sisters whom I dont know, and my aunt. It just seems when I am infront of a real life person the words leave me. Im usually not at a loss for words, but I am. I'll have to tell you about my dad sometime journal. O wait, you don't care do you? Ah well, you shall have to hear it anyway. To make a long story short for the moment I never really knew him and hes gone. Been thinking alot about him lately, mainly if I will die as he did. But what if I do, ne? Anyway, its late/early and I've taken up enough of your time. So......Ja my friend.

Jace.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Blues Traveler - Most precarious

07:01 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Thursday, August 1, 2002 @ 12:36 am

Onegai teacher..

OMG this anime kicks some serious tail. It's not often an anime can actually make you feel happy, but this one does. I'm going to finish the rest of it tonigh sadly..and dace..if you read this...WRITE MORE IN YOUR JOURNAL!! Mines boring...I want to see inside the mind of an englishman. Ja

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: DOA- Tangerine Dream

06:54 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Wednesday, July 31st, 2002 @ 10:11 pm

Another day almost down...

I don't know whats been going on with me today. First, started off sucking majorly, then i was happy for some reason. Now, again its pissy jace to the rescue. I don't think anyone but Dace has read this, and hes cool so atleast everyone wont know my moods..lol. If I was a woman then I could explain it or blame it on something, but I'm a guy so I can't. Knowing my luck my night will be a long, lonely one, and of course you will be down or something like always. But o well, thats life, ne?

Later- Jace.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Blues Traveler

06:51 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Wednesday, July 31st, 2002 @ 5:24 pm

XD Shout out...

YO DACE! You know who you are. Man, just gotta tell you english dudes rock. I can pick on no one else like you, XD. Just giving credit where credits due dude.

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: LOOK! My moods..CHIPPER...isnt that an english word...

06:45 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Wednesday, July 31st, 2002 @ 4:55 pm

Just woke up...*sleepy sleepy*

Ahhhh Just woke up...it's a wonder what 7 hours of sleep can do to you.
One of my online daughters just got a new son...its so funny I had to come write about it. A good funny...I've decided to start writing down all the good stuff as well as the bad stuff...kinda like a pro con list.

Later journal..>.<

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Nanase-everything

06:42 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Wednesday, July 31st, 2002 @ 8:36 am

GAH!!X.x

Why is whenever i have something important to write your offline! DIE JOURNAL!!

ANyway....This has started out as a sucky day. I think im getting old or something..life passing by to fast...

I think I'm going to dish out some cash to try and find my sisters...I'm going through a lot of junk right now and need someone..hmm...someone that I dont even know. Sucks being an only child knowing you have 2 older sisters out there in the world that dont even know you exist. They dont know our dad died last year, don't know their last aunt is dieing as I type, and don't know they have a younger brother. Yes..sucky days are here again.

What makes it worse is that im pouring all of this junk to a computer that can never respond. I'm pretty pathetic, i know. So..journal...anything new..no..of course not..YOU DONT LIVE...gah...what a pissy day..

Loathingly yours...Jace..

Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: Sigh..music? why?

06:38 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Monday, July 29th, 2002 @ 9:23 am

hmmm

Cant see you my journal...maybe its my browser...but if this post works im going to kill someone...

06:35 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Monday, July 29th, 2002 @ 9:20 am

No sleep hardly...BUT I AM WOOOOOOO

Hhaha...I went to bed at 4am, got up at 8. Got work tonight so I'll have to crash tonight sometime...My bot is working great...though hes an idiot..

I feel so sorry for some people..a girl that goes to my church...she just had her and her husbands baby yesterday. Her husband, the father, came to the hositol stoned, looked at the baby a few times, and then told her he wanted a divorce. If I would have been there i probably would have kicked his tail and dragged him out the parking lot like the trash he is. People like that need to be shot. I swear if i ever see him im going to hurt him. whew...I just needed to get that off my chest...but god that pisses me off like nothing else.

Ros says Hi again journal. Hm..need to name you one day.....such a good listener needs a name...maybe ill ask someone what i should name you.

Later~

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Utade Hikaru- first love

06:32 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Saturday, July 27th, 2002 @ 8:09 am

...XD

Well, It's been a good couple of days. Got my car fixed yesterday for little of nothing, got an awesome aim bot (BotOfJace), one of my online daughters got her anime from me, though Im not sure if they worked for her, but they should. And now im sitting at work trying to think of other cool things my bot can do.
I only had 3 hours of sleep last night so i hope i can stay awake..zzzz HUH o...yes..

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Nostalgia by Nanase

06:25 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Friday, July 26th, 2002 @ 9:52 am

Bout time

This thing was down for a bit...but yay its back! Im so tired its not funny!
Havnt been to sleep since yesterday, due to work and stuff...had planned on going to see Goldmember today, but circumstances shall prevent...

I made an AIM bot this morning, he talks like elmer fudd...pretty funny. his sn is BotOfJace.

Nothing else important to write at the moment...so later.

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Nanase-Miro shoujo Ja irarenai

06:18 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Thursday, July 25th, 2002 @ 10:27 pm

My adopted daughter...

sigh....nami stopped me before i could degrade them into little girls...but O MY GOD HOW I WANTED TOO! Its that feeling when you just wanna break something. I better get off my laptop before i regret it.

Current Mood: bitchy

06:03 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Thursday, July 25th, 2002 @ 10:22 pm

Some people are pricks

I just need to rant about the idiots on Animeyak. THEY ARE SO FRIGGEN STUPID ITS NOT FUNNY!! No, not all of them. Only a select 2 or 3..but they are the reason some animals eat their young!

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: none

05:58 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Thursday, July 25th, 2002 @ 8:19 am

Yes...

I forgot to add another good thing that happened yesterday. I got some new anime in, about 50 discs. That always cheers me up when nothing else can. Of course i spent all night checking out every single disc. x.x

I need sleep.

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Tangerine dream- Do as Infinity

05:55 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Thursday, July 25th, 2002 @ 4:33 am

Just woke up...

8 hours of sleep rocks. Would have slept longer if i hadn't been woke up.Guess I shall go and see what mayhem I can cause on the msg boards. Im really glad my "Jave kidnapping" is going well. I just wanna do something to help the yak, hope it does.

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Nanese- No future

05:47 p.m.
Thursday, August 1, 2002
Thursday, July 25th, 2002 @ 4:20 am

Well, just started this thing so I could pour out my thoughts/feelings to something that can never respond. Nothing big happened today besides the fact they gave my aunt 6 months to live which really sucks. She's the only one that knows anything about 2 sisters that I've never seen. That's not the reason it sucks, but it adds to it.

On a better note my 14 month old son started to really actually walk today, up until now its just been hit and miss, but now he's really getting around great.

That's all for now.