Chasing time on Sunday, October 2, 2005...
Stuck in a quandary, ain't we? We've all worked so hard to do something;
To those who'd appreciate our work, might scorn its relative simplicity.
And those who do not see the intricacies of our work, wouldn't value it.
Isn't it hard to find someone, who lies on the same playing field as us?
I've to learn to work for the sake of my progression, not gratification.
But sometimes really, it's the encouragement that keeps us all going on;
For as much as we strive to better ourselves, we're still so only human.
Anyone done anything great recently? Do instruct me so I can value it :)
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 02:14 pm
Chasing time on Friday, September 30, 2005...
Feeling excessively unmotivated again; bed beckons on every turn, guitar strings await plucking, the fridge below open to my plundering...
Back to circumlocution again; maybe it's because I do want to be read like a book and yet not allow them the inbetweens of the setences. The discussion swayed to the perennial topic, and as much as I'd want to just let it all out seek advise be told what to do, so I can just happily follow and be ensured a happy ending; but no, there are no angels in this world and how could I focus on me me and me alone? Been there done that, and don't wish to repeat as much as I wish to be heard; maybe sometimes we just need a place, perhaps a wall of wisdom, and we'd just all shout and shout at the darned wall and maybe receive some enlightenment _ some illumination down this dusty unlit path ... Ironic that I'd detest the army so much for its lack of freedom and brainless actions; that i'd want to be just like one of them NCOs, to be told what to do at times at times! cheat codes to this game of life please! So desperately want to get it out of my system but ach until one day a wall or angel or whatever does appear guess it'd be wise to just shut up and talk about inane stuff.. like the weather, army, and miscellaneous what-nots.
But maybe, these edifying angels don't come in this particular old fatherly-wisdom form that I'm seeking.
Knowledge doesn't directly bring about enlightenment, wisdom doesn't come about from talking to angels and being told what to do.
Thats why, maybe you've already been around all these while.
Much to learn, much to know.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 08:29 pm
Chasing time on Sunday, September 25, 2005...
Another week just flew by, and a packed week it was; haven't had so much fun in a long time, and quite a toll was exacted on my body clock from the lack of sleep :)
Melvin flew off on saturday morning, and in spirit of the fymc tradition we spent the day before at his home, and as usual was treated to scenes of strewned clothings, open baggages and odds and ends scattered around; general entropy was abound. It was not until 1am before we squeezed in the last articles, from canned food to routers and intriguingly, an entire backpack of instant mee.
Then despite melvin's dad's objections, we got out to play lan on the pretext of having late night supper. Was terribly smoked-filled (they really ought to tax the sticks to hell) and we left at 3am. Talked till we slept, then went to changi at 5.
Photos abound, but because I spent the last 2hrs of my sunday sleeping ACH didn't manage to do a LOT of things :(
Reached home at 9 thanks to bus 27's direct route, napped till noon then it's steamboat at jun1's place! Really lack knowledge of food preparations haha so just went around snapping photo :p Sliced (or rather, chunked) the dory fish too heh. After returning from card everything was rearrange for us by jy's mom and maids, so paiseh! Spent the next 3+ hour steamboating, interrupted with flashes, choking heheh, discussions of various ornaments, 15 minute clockly reminders and just chatting about anything; filmed some videos but dang I forgot to turn on the sound :( Essentially useless now haha.
Rushed about in a bid to get home on time, and discovering late alternate means of getting myself home from bugis. Of conversations on thoughts, of friendship quality or quantity, on where we stand, dreams, hopes and all. Feel so at home on the doubledecker bus; reminds me muchly of 5 years of conveyance from home to school, and more. The silent breeze of cool conditioned winds, the gentle rumbles of engine beats within, and the undulating bumps of roads that's so familiarly comforting. Love quiet doubledeckered buses, to sleep in, muse in, an even study in :D
Didn't have much opportunity to repay the sleep debt, and woke up to go for practice at BH, some piece where we'd perform e instrumental backing for the singer at this buddhist zen convention thingy at suntec :) The world is a flower hahahaha :D
Late, will post addendums next time! :)
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 11:44 pm
Chasing time on Tuesday, September 20, 2005...
Hmm haven't blogged for quite some time; seemed to have missed out MAF last time too :D And for the purpose of this blog we'd define MAF as 050910, despite a perfectly full Midautumn moon hanging outside the window as I write this. Oh, and happy MAF to you all! :)
Met up with the CO bunch on MAFDay for karaoke, which was great fun, at least until the video recordings came back :p Also had an interesting dinner, a fusion of chee cheong fun and niang dou fu, with the sauce and soup gifted with a delightful addition of coins. About $1.60 in total, I might add, and would not digress further into the details, other than to watch where your coins are going.
Spent the most of the weekend working on the new photogallery, check out http://fymc.net/cofoto :) Class one will be up soon, hopefully.
FYMC stands for freeyourmindclub; it had perfectly noble inclinations until the class people came along, and hijacked it for their nefarious purposes. And now it's the name of our spanking new domain at fymc.net. A better deal than inopinionated, definitely; will be changing hosts soon haha.
The weekends of coding, with nonstop looping of the four newer albums in the market, left fragments of music swimming about in my head; will let it settle and pick out those which floats next weekend :D
And went on a crazy 5hr lan marathon, where single warriors run about defeating thousands of poor conscripted creatures, and waged miniwar on each other, with tanks, helicopters, and such a wide assortment of weapons you never knew a person could hold all at once... and jump up staircases.
Which reminded me of the half marathon; a pity really, should have ran slower at the beginning than to get killed at the end. The free icecream was great, though :) Saw dobson but not mildrid, though.
Procrastinated visits to the library until it's too late; ah well, it's good that I still got a bunch of books and even an economics textbook with me in camp :) Besides, considering taking the Nov 6 SAT I again, just to keep my options open.
Best be off to bed, and reacclimatise my clock to that required of the army :P Have been sleeping ungodly hours, perhaps in the midst of rapidly changing sleep patterns the body refuses to work on 7hrs of sleep a day :p
Had the weirdest dream, or perhaps its just subconscious musings, but conscious me stole a peek at the inner workings of the brain, and was surprised to find it working on crop factors & image sensor sizes, and that it found a partial solution. Was a problem I relegated to the workbins of In; only problem is that I remember solving but not the solution -_-
Oh, and MAF was interesting :) somehow the feeling was a bit watered down, but it's still good to see everyone again ^^ Missed the days, I guess; not for what they are, but for what we were.
Lightstick and sparklers and songs and dances, all seeking to reconnect to the bit of the past long gone. And yes, remind me to wear a DARK shirt to MAF, one that doesn't show sweat stains on it haha :)
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 12:42 am
Chasing time on Sunday, September 11, 2005...
Turmoil and chaos brings out the creative side in you. Perhaps it's just the numbness of routine settling in, that there's little I could write about nowadays.
Or maybe there just isn't anything much worth penning; for the most of the past week or so I've just been doing inventory checks and supervising cleanup work in the stores.
Nothing interesting, really. Just that I tend to lose count easily when dealing with large quantities, which is annoying.
Unaccustomed to workshop grime, I've taken great steps to avoid the grease and dirt from taking up residence on my skin. Have tried cloth, plastic bags (incidentally, the shrink wrap for my magazines turned out surprisingly hardy), newspapers, but never had the chance to invest in some disposable gloves. I really should get the medics to help kop some for me from the med centre.
Playing around with vocabulary again, getting my phone to test me repeatedly on words and their meanings. Have learnt to associate most words with meanings, but only when choosing from a list; haven't gotten the hang of reverse association, that is, meanings to word, thesaurus-style. And English is really full of weird words ><
Still chugging through the number theory book slowly. At this rate I'd be better off buying it, than repeatedly renewing it.
And what hurts most might be the strongest lead back to the right path. Cringe and get over it - but I like to leave as little unwanted footprint whereever I go, and the thought of having infringed onto others (whether or not) is taking a unshakeable mental toll on me ><
Only too darwinian; that traits selected involve mainly the self-centered ego. And maybe it's meant to be, however hurtful, a consistent reminder of my quest towards developing a transcendant intelligence: unfettered by the dual bless/curse coined-face evolution ~ symbiotic with us hopefully, mutual guides, that will too gently lead us out of our genetic heritage and bring the best out of all.
I can't face it because it's a flaw? because it's what you're born with but one can always aim to improve the point of living, no? but it's all about the ego in the end, ain't it not? maybe i'd have to learn that perfection isn't to be aimed for - somehow theres perfection in imperfection always found it socially ironic that being inferior(? in whatever sense) sometimes makes you more accessible you know we're just like gems, and how different grades just end up scratching each other but even gems have to be abraded while polished perhaps it's possible we can let others scratch us where we need, and do so to others only where they need bringing out the best light in us all?
Essentially, it's just about listening to that song in the video -buries face-
waffle, ramble, tergiversate, or whatever, the self just instinctively wants to protect the ego, ergo the ramblings and ambiguity ><
suffered a cramp in the leg for the first time while running, and was kinda surprised ~ probably due to over exertion ><
i need to find my pace; and not be affected by the world speeding by me... how often have we jumped onto bandwagons so that we can be with the rest of the world and how is it wrong? it's exactly because you don't that makes you so out of touch with the rest... it doesn't help that i'm just a loose collection of events, facts and ideas; nor the fact you can't string together thoughts to save your life i need to change more than you think but i'm glad the first step is taken. just like a marathon, the key is not to stop.
Rights, haha. Time to go back to camp!
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 09:41 pm
Chasing time on Thursday, September 1, 2005...
Back to camp at last; been getting in late most of the times recently as it's just mainly the NSFs left behind doing the company duties :)
Friday's duty went pretty much hitchless; managed to catch the 3rd episode of Child of Our Time, think there's quite a lot more to go, judging from the show's website. Ended off quite late, and despite my general lack of belief for the supernatural I stilll wouldn't want to bath at midnight :p
And I raised a flag for the first time!
Whirlwind of activities following the duty; rushed home to change then set off to JE... my pcmag finally came, after some hitches with address set back the delivery for nearly 3 months, but couldnt bring it along due to some strange arrangements of not bringing backpacks along to the bdae celebrations hmm.
Finally got a grip on the ice in the skating rink haha, wouldn't feel like falling everytime I get on the ice :)
Managed to make a birthday dedication for lemon there, where they sent pseudo snowflakes down and read our dedication out.
Another flurry of activity as we contemplated the ideal place for dinner, where location suggested spanned the island, until we ended in dhoby ghaut. Dined at Yoshinoya, lanned at Paradiz, and ended of at Jazz @ south bridge; seemed like lemon's birthday aura's qt strong, managed to get quite a bit of people to turn up :)
Stuck around until 2, and when we reached chris house i promptly fell asleep on the floor and refused to budge, and woke up with a stiff neck ack. Initially wanted to go for night shoot elsewhere, but the 2 days of exhaustion wore down even the best of plans :p ach, regrets, regrets.
Baidu is gonna remove their web search for copyrighted mp3s, ach. There goes one of the best sources for em >< and i think my lyrics koper is now dead cos of that :(
xmlhttprequest can't cross domains, which means i can't implement it on this blog ugh. Think will have to shift ach.
quite unused to 5 days in camp after long weekends for so long. 194 days left ach, i'm on a lovehate relationship with this gradually decreasing bunch of numbers >_^ so much, so much to do, so little time...
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 07:02 pm
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