Hmm ok. I guess erm revision for GP also includes blogging? :)

Haven't been blogging for some time, partly because of my screwed computer, and also because of the screwed promotional exams. Was right that once I repair the computer I'd be stuck in front of it, ended up rewatching The Matrix again, not to mention search the Internet around for help on repairing my not fully functional computer. So well in short, wasted loads of time. At least I got my computer to work (though I lost lots of programs, including Word. Urgh.)

Boring week, essentially. Simply either sleeping, satisfying primal needs (food! not that! [^_-]), studying. Erm well kinda hard to study, especially when I'm born lazy, so erm essentially an otiose undertaking, for me. But even so, it was probably the most amount of studying I've ever committed myself to, having not studied for my entire secondary school life :) (really!)

Ok. So, showing all signs of effervescent enthusiasm I left for school after 7am in the morning, with grandeur dreams of visions of achievements for that day, including finishing of several select past year papers. Sigh, no doubt of other reasons too, that one like me would deign to reveal. Unfortunately, this well envisaged dream was shattered when I met up with my friends, ended up doing less productive work than possible. Also experienced destructive interference with all the economics students around me, completely out of phase, indeed wasn't at peak efficiency.

Though we did have several rather interesting conversations, like talking about each others negative points and other minus factors to our demeanor. This circle of conversation was also not limited by geographical and proximal restrictions, so it might have seemed extremely gossipy.

Anyway, straying beyond the main conversations, I was also told to lift that veil of subterfuge that has been draped over my eyes. Alas, it has already been removed, or perhaps partially so, and perhaps that my outward actions do not fully reveal what I've gleaned. Yes, I'm as much aversed to the situation, but it's just as much as an obligation I guess, and perhaps it wouldn't be so soon.

Urgh. It's late now. Have to go try get some work done :) Shall continue tomorrow. Hmm anyway it's the season to be mugging, doubt anyone would be reading it, haha ;)

Little access to the net nowadays, not much chance to blog. I've almost forgotten how slow dialup can be. Must have set a new record for my offline time.

Hmm ooh it's been a week already. Little truly happened I guess, other than seeing people around me study, study and study. Speaking of which, it still intrigues me how one's perception of another's personality will affect the idle chatter between them. Was with Chengyi and Christopher on the bus, and we were talking about all sorts of "fun things", in a sense, like Warcraft, basketball, quintessentially anything but homework. Chris then had to get off, and the conversation just made an epic turn. Immediately the next thing we knew we were talking about are the promotional examinations, the subjects, passing grades, project work, anything but fun. Even when it comes to computer, it was about how to fix hard drive partition problems. Hmm well, how would one interpret this is up to his discretion :)

Yep. Anyway, I'm beginning to have much fun with my erhu at BH already. Having already learned the instrument for 4 years, I always thought that practices in school will never suffice in helping me maintain whatever skills I've left, and am too lazy, always procrastinating about practicing, yet not wanting it to fall into disuse. Perhaps it was my desire that even when I grow old, lose my hair and teeth, shrivelled with age (ulp!), I'd still be able to play the erhu. Haha. Erm. Must have seen too many old people play their instruments. Yeah, I mean, I can't possibly sit in front of my computer until the day I die, right, so I'd have to find other sources of entertainment. Anyway, back to the point, joined originally so that I'd not forget what I've learnt, and now it's much fun, and the extra practices did help me improve quite a bit.

Ok, so was told that there was a performance on Tuesday, and there'd be _one_ practice on Sunday. This really makes me wonder if that's the reason why CO just doesn't seem impressive to outside ears. Perhaps the songs are the reason too. I mean, we can't expect people to like songs, or the genre which they're from, if they've never heard of them before, right? Acquired taste, perhaps, haha. Even so, I'm still a little apprehensive of the pop concert by HCCO, hope it goes well.

Heard this instrumental piece on TVMobile, and loved it much, ended up recording it from 89.3FM from my radio :) Had to wait until 12.30am before I was able to catch it playing and record it. Haha it's really nice (to me at least), it accompanied me for the entire time I spent in front of my computer as I did the 2001 maths promos papers. Was running a time trial, and made a lot of careless mistakes, oops. Sigh, if only this year's paper was like 2001's, we'd all be worry-free.

It makes me contemplate much, about my level of enthusiasm for terpsichore. Seriously wonder if it's me truly enjoying it, or just for some other reasons I can't fathom (the mind hides secrets, shh). Why the sudden reflection, perhaps it's because of the fact I've seem to have chereographed my entire ebullience towards it, so that I'd create the appropriate image, and it'd seem almost subtle and natural when I jump at the opportunity, once they posed the question. And noone will believe that I've long anticipated that. Nah, nope, I trust that it's just my interest, _not_ anything else. Not. No.

Just feel being taken care supremely of, makes me feel like a child again, even though they're just a few years older. But is it me, or that I sense chariness of my presence. No, it's not that I don't sense cordiality, just that I (think I) sense something else behind that too. Perhaps I think too much, and that I'm the architect of my own imprisonment, the one that's making me discomfited in their proximity is me. (really?) I've certainly because cynical *shakes head*

Yes. Even cynical of that. Because I no longer believe that it can be true. But at least the cynism is welcome. Not a victim anymore, but just a blessing in disguise. But as much as my thought wishes to stay put, I know well that the thoughts will one day scatter, like clouds in the fresh morning breeze. That's the way it is, is it not?

Performance on Wednesday was kinda fun, in a sense. I still think it's quite a pity we didn't manage to fulfill the audience request, just because the group was too small and some were not playing their instrument of preference. It was held in some army camp, for MAF celebrations, and was quite removed from the rest of the city. Unfortuntely on the way there, we got off early and had to walk four stops to the entrance. It didn't exactly help to watch 4 others in a taxi wave at us as they happily zoom by. But it was rather enriching in a sense, as the person bringing me there was a computing student in NUS, and I was trying to find out more about the course of study there. As we were leaving for home on the taxi, they even detoured the cab ride so that it'd stop by my house. Oooh :)

Thursday. Supposed to reach Braddell Heights at 7.30, but was in the midst of a heated discussion on the conservation laws and couldn't leave early. Even had to forego dinner, unless you count a Snickers bar as a meal. Rushed there only at 7pm, knowing fully well that it'd take around ¾ hours to reach there, and ended up _running_ all the way from the bus stop to the community centre. Was quite bad, as the room was air-conditioned, and there was much sweat on my clothes, ended up freezing in the room.

Friday. Lessons ended early, and since there was still around 3 periods before we have Chinese, we left for Venezia for ice-cream :) Left with much enthusiasm to do work while enjoying ice-cream, ended up doing little. Even bought some lemon-glazed chicken from cold storage. I sure am getting wasteful. Reached back school to find out that one other class had their chinese lessons start early! If only we hadn't gone for ice-cream... Anyway, its quite a sight, with only three people in class. Caused quite a commotion outside as our classmates almost buckled over with laughter looking at the pathetic attendance of our class. But I must say the lesson was indeed more enriching :P

Saturday. Went to sleep the night before with determination to wake up at 8am so I could do work, ended up sleeping for an additional hour. Worked on physics, was quite happy with the topic of Fluids in a sense haha, as it seemed quite easy. Well. "seems". Looks can be deceiving, I'm sure the physics teachers will come up with some ways to intentionally murder us in the exam halls. Originally intended to leave for BH at 4.30, but was doing the promotional exam papers on time trial, so was like trying to complete the question fast before hitting the stop watch to mark my time. At least I wasn't too late.

The MAF was quite fun, though as usual during the performance I still have the feeling that no-one is truly listening. >_< Once I performed a solo for the graduation day at some temple where I studied buddhism, people told me that they don't really know what I'm playing, but from my tai3feng2 they presumed I must be quite zai or something. So it's like whenever I feel that the audience aren't doing their job well enough, it just seems instinctive to sway more to the music. If the music can't stir their soul, let the tai2feng2 be the pathway to their heart. I'm quite sure that it'd be impressive if the whole group was able to do it, after all, it's a "performance", right? :)

Stayed back to guess on the riddles, cai1 deng1 mi2. Those people are really impressive, being able to solve the riddles :) Lasted until nearly 10.15, before I left for home.

Sigh. I'm really really unable to associate faces with names. I was usually able to name them, if I had something like a reference, but then everyone was wearing the same thing, and I was really stumped. All the while I was trying to recall what instrument they were playing so I can remember their names.

Went home and continued with the maths paper. Time trials are really kinda fun :P

Wooh. It's a long entry. Anyway, to all having their examinations now, good luck!

It seems terrible, hmm. The whole world seems mugging out there, and here I am, trapped in my own reverie. Even so, it sure is hard to do anything else other than study. Urm yeah, though I managed to sneak a few flips in my recently borrowed LOTR (ok my sister borrowed it, but she doesn't seem to be reading it anyway). Hmm liked it a lot, having merged the memories of the movie with the vivid description offered by the book. Anyway, one description is nice, and reminded me much. Eyes are really the doorway to the soul, and much can be gleaned through them. I too remember one extremely punishing pair of eyes, after having said something inappropriate (well it was only a suggestion...), and was suddenly forced into a well of hurt and anguish, almost seemingly lambasting me. Time seemed to enter a stalemate against the will of the another for a moment, and I could then almost feel my heart sink, coldness seeping into the depths of my psyche, and was rooted for a moment, before able to shake myself off from the terrible feeling and mumble an apology. Warmth didn't return until a while later, and still I shudder much at the thought of it.

Guess I shall go sign up for SAT online now. Those darned people at RELC don't really accept credit cards, what a disappointing trip. Was in such a rush to get back to school (for CLAO, haha) I ran all the way from RELC to the bus stop at the main road, passing three bus stops on the way, so I do not have to waste time waiting for the transfer bus to come. At least it was worth it, I didn't see any of the buses I could've taken to transfer overtake me as I made the mad dash.

Hmm, only 17 days to the promotional exams. Wonder if I can revise everything in time. Ulp. Guess spending time blogging isn't going to help hmm?

I seem like a kid by the roadside, excited by the find of some pretty trinket or flashy bauble, and running about, bursting to tell of his discovery

The end of my world is near. My computer broke down. (Boohoo)

Sadly, even my computer seems to think I should start preparations for the Promotional exams, and was really beyond resuscitation. Tried to ameliorate the situation, but it all ended worse, having corrupted all my settings and drivers, due to the darned repair function of the Windows installation disk. Well, looking on the bright side, I'd have little access to fast internet nor cool games for a long long time (until I decide to work on reinstalling everything), and the first thing I've done is to copy all the Mp3s from the new computer to my old so I'd still have my songs (#1 priority). Still terribly unused to dialup access and a computer that's as old as my grandmother. Hrmph. Guess I'd try to survive on this pile of rust old, trusty computer.

Trying to tidy up my table now, and it sure is proving to be mammoth task. Three piles of random worksheets still await for sorting, then there's still preparations for all the class tests and lecture tests next week, _and_ revision >_<

Woohoo! Ok I'm done with separation. Hmm woah. Piles and piles of stuff, all over the room. Incidentally I'm in a sneezing fit now, the dust I've unsettled is rather, well, unsettling to the well-being of my respiratory system :P

Sigh. I don't know where to start studying. There's just too much to cover.

A candle for the victims of the 9-11, who died unknowingly to such mindless acts of terror.

A candle for peace, in times of turmoil like these, strife on the edge, wars breaking.

A candle for hope, may such atrocities never come by again, ever.

MAF came and went, which is muchly a pity ~ that's the last activity that the school'd ever hold until after the promos o_o Like saying, fun's over, now get back to your work! :|

Ooh yes. It was fun. Wanted to go to school in the morning to do a bit of work, and as usual got lazy and decided to forego the additional bit of studying I can squeeze in. Ended up doing some kind of stuff, guess I've already forgotten what I was trying to do then. But whatever it is, it doesn't register much, and didn't seem very productive.

Had to reach school by 2, but out of habit grown from frustration at the slow start to everything, reach there at around 2.30pm. The next few hours past uneventfully, rehearsals (which we screwed up), practices. Even visited TCHS and nosed around trying to see what they're doing for their MAF celebration. Ate pitas (!) for dinner, though it wasn't really a nice meal, well at least it is food :)

The actual CO performance during MAF was terrible~ no, not entirely the skills, but also due to the audience. Half cannot hear what we're playing, and the other half doesn't even bother that we're playing :P Urm well, doesn't matter, acted a bit crazy, putting a bit too much of tai2 feng2, but never mind.

Decked myself in an entire set of lightsticks totalling in cost of $5. Haha, having too much money in my pocket seems to make my mind vulnerable to material goods, hmm :) Then when around, like a walking advertisement, trying to get rid of sell off the lightsticks.

Swept wordlessly back to the stall after glancing at my watch, returned the money and the stock of unsold lightsticks. The songs have started, but I wasn't intent on singing. Darted from place to place in search of my class, or rather, parts of my class. Like a candle burning out, anticipation ran higher as songs ended after songs, eagle eyes scanning the crowd, bearing hopes. Lightstick-bedecked student running all over the school, must have been quite a sight. The rain started just as the songs ended, flooding me with a sense of foolishness, for not enjoying singing the songs with the class, for having searched so far...

Anyway, the much anticipated mass dance was okish, for the weather has capped the space we're given, and it ended up a little crowded. Must have shouted the commands until my throat was hoarse. Urm *croak*. Well erm guess I did not help myself much anyway by doing that... But oh well.

I still can't bring myself to say that I'm _mugging_. It seems much like a more elite term to me, haha, as if the magnitude of "studying" is but a mere spark next to the full glowing orb of "mugging". Ahahaha. And I'm not even studying that hard to justify the use of that word

And please note that often for the sake of being able to allow my words to flow, I sacrifice accuracy for fluidity. Simple thoughts get blown up for the sake of writing in these events of inspiration :) But they remain as cryptic, of course, so please leave them in the fiction corner, where they belong ^_^

Haven't blogged for ages. Whoo~ It has only been 7 days, actually. Isn't it amazing the holidays are the time when you're the most busy? :P And whee! Glad to have completed the Riftwar Trilogy, :) much thanks to Mi'er who lent me the book. It's hard to find books in my regional library, grr.

Time flies hmm. I really hope it doesn't, but unfortunately my calender says I've less than a month to prepare for my promos. Still remember the time where I said I'd cherish every moment, for it'd pass swiftly, and more often than not become my source of regrets, and more. August is over. September. Was the WTC really attacked one year ago? It seemed not so long ago, rather than a distant memory.

Well, don't have much time to blog my life out in detail, haha. Suffice to say that I've spent almost every day of my holiday stuck in school, for projects, rehearsals, what-nots. And guess what? One week that could have been spent studying, just gone like that... and I haven't even really started on any work.

So much to blog, so little time...

idealistic thoughts wiped out, from what I've seen. some people work out their heart and soul to achieve their goals, and don't get the results they deserve. what they really wanted to clinch. but someone else did, perhaps more with more subtlety. it falls down to fate and methology as much i guess. whether i'd pass or fail my block tests, whether ... well.

during my short hiatus i've somehow tried to wrestle order into the chaotic thoughts swirling free in my mind. trying to decide whether it is due to magnitude, or the type. erred on the side of caution (ha ha), because i couldn't decide then. many paths present themselves before me, standing at the crossroads of thoughts. each route seems fraught with uncertainty and danger, passing through precipices, frothy watercourses, whatnots. One obvious path lays before me, screaming at me to continue with the path i've walked all my life. dark compact soil trodden by so many who already decided that this is the path for the time. big, clear tracks, free from the perturbing debris that are strewn across other roads, light years away from Temptation Island. for now i'd tread across this path, flitting blithely, remaining oblivious, unmindful. resisting the lure, the bait, the novelty of walking a different course, down the winding paths some brave souls have taken. once bitten, twice shy. but no doubt now i am thankful.

it is interesting the way i revert back to my childward side just like that, often. it's an amazing screen, concealing thoughts, feelings, whatnots, behind the veil of childhood innocence. with this attribute set in place, things that were once arduous and obligatory seem much easier, looking through starry eyes, simplified thoughts, less misanthropic and more open. to be love and able to reciprocate simply, without the additional burdens of miscellania considerations in the grown-up world. no fears of being bewraying hidden thoughts...

...or so it seems. peering through the veil to glimpse a secret knowledge, when the other is relaxed and have ascertained you aren't a threat. views divulge under the false sense of security granted by the promise of your innocence and unknowing. able to do what you normally cannot do, while remaining impalpable, having clouded their senses...

... yet at the same time unwilling to know. the influences of childhood stretch beyonds the vestiges of time, to touch the mind.

i'd rather be a kid. but unfortunately growth and continuity isn't one that can be stopped. and looking back too often, i fear, stunts the healthy development of mind and soul.

i'm still hiding behind a mask of pretentious unknowingness, for i fear the truth. down the path i'd stroll, leaving behind all, and will it to fade away (as much as i wished not), like flowers slowly starved of water ~ blooms shrivel, harboured hopes wither. just because that should be the way, is it not?

however, simple felicity wouldn't last forever, while cherished memories wouldn't languish easily. i contradict myself. because there's always two sides to a coin... and perhaps even more sometimes.

I still want to learn to play the piano.