Chasing time on Tuesday, November 21, 2006...
I wish the tollings of the bell curve will go away.
They say it ranks you relative to your peers, rather than the professors.
You whoop at a good result, and cry over a poor one.
But it doesn't matter how much you've studied. In three months? Exams just finds out what you've known all along.
Especially when it comes to the curve.
Give me not endless summers, just the light of eternal sunshine upon my desk, and hope that I can catch up in time.
Oh yeah. Red bull, panacea or placebo?
Would you take something to keep you awake and focussed even without sleep?
What if it is a drug? Non-addictive, few short/mid-term side effects.
Who decides what's right for us? On what grounds, what rights?
How much is living our lives, about playing with what we have, or finetuning what we are? A question that I know will bear down even more painfully in the next generation.
And in the long run, how it all comes to nought. Life is indeed best played forward but seen backwards.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 10:33 am
I wish the tollings of the bell curve will go away.
They say it ranks you relative to your peers, rather than the professors.
You whoop at a good result, and cry over a poor one.
But it doesn't matter how much you've studied. In three months? Exams just finds out what you've known all along.
Especially when it comes to the curve.
Give me not endless summers, just the light of eternal sunshine upon my desk, and hope that I can catch up in time.
Oh yeah. Red bull, panacea or placebo?
Would you take something to keep you awake and focussed even without sleep?
What if it is a drug? Non-addictive, few short/mid-term side effects.
Who decides what's right for us? On what grounds, what rights?
How much is living our lives, about playing with what we have, or finetuning what we are? A question that I know will bear down even more painfully in the next generation.
And in the long run, how it all comes to nought. Life is indeed best played forward but seen backwards.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 10:33 am
Chasing time on Sunday, November 12, 2006...
Join us, as we enter the new episode of Sleepless in the City, this time at SMU, co-starring KH and JQ! (:
It's a bit crazy to do this, after 2 sleepless nights. A pity I just wasn't in the mood to take photos while camping outside LT7A; next time perhaps.
Essay turned out horrible; it is rather embarrassing to submit such a half-baked essay, but it's better than nothing :(
Let's see, I need to finish three more tutorials by tomorrow. I shall be strong and finish up the rest of the 1104 lecture, and maybe even the tutorial before sleeping :(
Hmm. Kinda weird that 1104 insists on having a 2nd midterm, less than 2 weeks before the final exam? -worried-
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 06:25 am
Join us, as we enter the new episode of Sleepless in the City, this time at SMU, co-starring KH and JQ! (:
It's a bit crazy to do this, after 2 sleepless nights. A pity I just wasn't in the mood to take photos while camping outside LT7A; next time perhaps.
Essay turned out horrible; it is rather embarrassing to submit such a half-baked essay, but it's better than nothing :(
Let's see, I need to finish three more tutorials by tomorrow. I shall be strong and finish up the rest of the 1104 lecture, and maybe even the tutorial before sleeping :(
| CS1104 | 25 Nov 2006 Morning |
| EG1108 | 25 Nov 2006 Afternoon |
| MA1505 | 27 Nov 2006 Evening |
| CS1231Y | 04 Dec 2006 Evening |
Hmm. Kinda weird that 1104 insists on having a 2nd midterm, less than 2 weeks before the final exam? -worried-
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 06:25 am
Chasing time on Thursday, November 9, 2006...
Doesn't it look just so conducive for working? (:
Had wanted to sleep initially at 3am and continue the next day, but the environment was so good I just couldn't resist continuing here haha.
Yup still trying to rush out the essay; the urgency and panic is now compounded by getting a horrible B for the 2nd essay. Drats. Horribly worrying, but oh well. Better get back to writing :( With luck, I shall finish before the Writing Centre review. With even more luck, there would be little revisions that should be made, and then I'll be able to sleep.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 03:09 am
Doesn't it look just so conducive for working? (:
Had wanted to sleep initially at 3am and continue the next day, but the environment was so good I just couldn't resist continuing here haha.
Yup still trying to rush out the essay; the urgency and panic is now compounded by getting a horrible B for the 2nd essay. Drats. Horribly worrying, but oh well. Better get back to writing :( With luck, I shall finish before the Writing Centre review. With even more luck, there would be little revisions that should be made, and then I'll be able to sleep.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 03:09 am
Chasing time on Monday, October 30, 2006...
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 02:09 a.m.
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was invited over to hozefa's house for aidilfitri celebrations :) class didn't turn up at all, but our prof did! just chatted around and did my "liaising" with the logistic director haha as i wud be the procurement ic for freshman camp nxt yr; and got to know a senior in raffles :) |
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i'm a pinhead! :D supposed to help with eyes and um, through ÖÇÈýÕë, stimulate my brain. haha! |
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NUS is a smoke-free campus. (Yeah right) Get your haze updates. Damn clever, I say :p |
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Dear USC friends, this is our proposed logo design... (stick figure mspaint logo) think you can do a better job? LOL!! XD XD |
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a useful tool, camera phones, to capture the lab demonstrations for reference :p |
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aussie's best fish and chips @ clementi.. 6 bucks at a hawker centre?!?! the only thing aussie was the price.. haha ok maybe cos i din like the stringy fish meat and the apparently small servings (it looks small compared to the platter!) :p |
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pasir ris park cuts budget, gets cat to man information booth. |
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and i present to you, the raffles hall annual hall production, SWINGERS! a love story in the form of a musical, a recursive tale set in 2046, a world where science and technology is the new religion, arts a backwater subject for the misfits, where logic is king and a dearth of passion; on how the male and female lead, tired of the mundanity and conformity, strikes out at the chance to perform in a musical, 'moulin rouge', in the process find out that in living you need to use your heart as well. stilted dialogue, cliched plot, idealised love; yet the sheer amount of effort put into the production never ceases to amaze me. in an way, the recursive nature of the play makes you wonder too if u're caught in the trap of logic, unable to comprehend how a person would put in so much effort for a pretty much intangible thing; just as the how the parents in the show felt about their children rehearsing for the play instead of studying. however, the music and songs were good, singing was in fact great, costumes detailed and extravagant, and the acting was quite good. putting the "parents" into the theatre looking for their seats and watching their children act as part of the act, is strangely surreally immersive, especially with the recursive plot, and draws you in as a part of the play, emphasising on the timelessness of the idea portrayed. for a students' production, for the time put in, for a show run on passion, ideals and tradition, it was really great. and in a way, wishing that u were part of it |
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 02:09 a.m.
Chasing time on Friday, October 27, 2006...
Watched "The Inconvenient Truth", sponsored by school :D Had my outlook perpetually on nowadays, as I'm using the calender and task features as well as synchronising it with my phone, and when the email arrived with the free tickets announcement I jumped on it... First on the list, I saw when I collected the tickets hahaha.
Oh yeah, distracted. I don't know if it's the effects of all the cynicism from the critical thinking module, but I kept wondering what agendas might he have or what hidden insinuations were he trying to bring across :p
It turned out to be his ruminations on global warming, his ideas, beliefs and how they were shaped. Actually, I don't see the point of watching it, if you're already convinced that global warming is a fact. However, for the ambivalent majority, its strong appeal to emotions that appears to be backed with scientific data, might convince sufficient people to change camps and reduce their carbon emissions. Then, no matter the actual correlation with CO2 with temperatures, such environmental consciousness is ultimately good anw, so either way it serves a useful purpose.
However, one of the major issues that I feel would be the greatest obstacle to people striving for lower emissions, would definitely be that there is no effective way to monitor the carbon footprint of everyone of us. It just takes up to much effort to know how much carbon your actions put into the atmosphere, and the concomitant issue of motivation: what for? who knows? is it worth it? would doing this help?
(Grassroot activism, perhaps even the extreme kind, might help by launching a smear campaign against visible signs of pollution: suvs and sub-30 mpg vehicles; burning, smashing, scratching. it's always what that is unseen that is hard to prevent; thus if there is a real way of quantifying accurately carbon 'contributions' it would serve as a very useful social force in balancing the carbon surplus as well. but i digress.)
it's arguable that the ideal aim would be to reduce pollutions whenever possible, but in a pragmatic world, effort is often weighed carefully in economic terms; what is the point of preventing this 1 ton of carbon emission, when it costs me economically $30? instead, i could contribute $20 to foundations that plants tree which would remove 1 ton of co2, or if i earn even more, contribute to carbon sequestrating techniques? indeed, this ideal world of maximal effort in all cases, may in fact not be ideal.
alright, enough inanity. do watch Child of our Time if you can catch it, now on show on Arts Central; I've always found it very inspiring and comforting philosophically, as well as provide occasional insights as to how to better mould my pri1 tutee :)
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 12:23 am
Watched "The Inconvenient Truth", sponsored by school :D Had my outlook perpetually on nowadays, as I'm using the calender and task features as well as synchronising it with my phone, and when the email arrived with the free tickets announcement I jumped on it... First on the list, I saw when I collected the tickets hahaha.
Oh yeah, distracted. I don't know if it's the effects of all the cynicism from the critical thinking module, but I kept wondering what agendas might he have or what hidden insinuations were he trying to bring across :p
It turned out to be his ruminations on global warming, his ideas, beliefs and how they were shaped. Actually, I don't see the point of watching it, if you're already convinced that global warming is a fact. However, for the ambivalent majority, its strong appeal to emotions that appears to be backed with scientific data, might convince sufficient people to change camps and reduce their carbon emissions. Then, no matter the actual correlation with CO2 with temperatures, such environmental consciousness is ultimately good anw, so either way it serves a useful purpose.
However, one of the major issues that I feel would be the greatest obstacle to people striving for lower emissions, would definitely be that there is no effective way to monitor the carbon footprint of everyone of us. It just takes up to much effort to know how much carbon your actions put into the atmosphere, and the concomitant issue of motivation: what for? who knows? is it worth it? would doing this help?
(Grassroot activism, perhaps even the extreme kind, might help by launching a smear campaign against visible signs of pollution: suvs and sub-30 mpg vehicles; burning, smashing, scratching. it's always what that is unseen that is hard to prevent; thus if there is a real way of quantifying accurately carbon 'contributions' it would serve as a very useful social force in balancing the carbon surplus as well. but i digress.)
it's arguable that the ideal aim would be to reduce pollutions whenever possible, but in a pragmatic world, effort is often weighed carefully in economic terms; what is the point of preventing this 1 ton of carbon emission, when it costs me economically $30? instead, i could contribute $20 to foundations that plants tree which would remove 1 ton of co2, or if i earn even more, contribute to carbon sequestrating techniques? indeed, this ideal world of maximal effort in all cases, may in fact not be ideal.
alright, enough inanity. do watch Child of our Time if you can catch it, now on show on Arts Central; I've always found it very inspiring and comforting philosophically, as well as provide occasional insights as to how to better mould my pri1 tutee :)
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 12:23 am
Chasing time on Saturday, October 21, 2006...
Essay 2 of 3 of the writing module is over and mightily glad I am, and a much better job than 1 it is. It's just 3 days of essays, essays and nothing but words and sentences floating about. Conferences with the professor on the draft essay intriguingly didn't help much with the essay but just merely deepen the gloom of the impending doom, as he doesn't really help with the essay structure per se, but rather branch off into a brainstorming session of potentially more deeper readings of the text. There's this writing centre for us to go to to have our essays gone through by seniors who've been selected other than sheer skill of writing, probably for their insane speed of comprehension. I've no idea how can they read my essay in one go, find my implicitly stated motive and argument of my essay that I didn't even know existed, then proceed to restructure the thesis to make it workable O_o But yes, the two sessions have been highly rewarding, and I think I probably learnt more about how to write that the two years in GP did for me :S
No cause for relaxation, paper 3 is about >_<
Personal timetable for long weekend
finish all of next week's tutorial by sat!
sunday - clear hall page design, start on class portal as well as 2101 discussion site.
monday and tuesday are free, but i'll come up with things to fill the time after conquering this two :p
The hidden paragraph thingy move was to combine both public diary and private goal listing, as well as clear the clutter on the blog when I needed to rant incomprehensibly. #2 reader! see, make things neater for u lor.
private goal listing provides the panopticon effect, which is a darn cool word introduced in our lessons btw ^^ having announced the goals, even though no one will read, serves its deterrent purposes of not performing them because it might transpire that someone might read it.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 06:52 pm
Essay 2 of 3 of the writing module is over and mightily glad I am, and a much better job than 1 it is. It's just 3 days of essays, essays and nothing but words and sentences floating about. Conferences with the professor on the draft essay intriguingly didn't help much with the essay but just merely deepen the gloom of the impending doom, as he doesn't really help with the essay structure per se, but rather branch off into a brainstorming session of potentially more deeper readings of the text. There's this writing centre for us to go to to have our essays gone through by seniors who've been selected other than sheer skill of writing, probably for their insane speed of comprehension. I've no idea how can they read my essay in one go, find my implicitly stated motive and argument of my essay that I didn't even know existed, then proceed to restructure the thesis to make it workable O_o But yes, the two sessions have been highly rewarding, and I think I probably learnt more about how to write that the two years in GP did for me :S
No cause for relaxation, paper 3 is about >_<
Personal timetable for long weekend
finish all of next week's tutorial by sat!
sunday - clear hall page design, start on class portal as well as 2101 discussion site.
monday and tuesday are free, but i'll come up with things to fill the time after conquering this two :p
The hidden paragraph thingy move was to combine both public diary and private goal listing, as well as clear the clutter on the blog when I needed to rant incomprehensibly. #2 reader! see, make things neater for u lor.
private goal listing provides the panopticon effect, which is a darn cool word introduced in our lessons btw ^^ having announced the goals, even though no one will read, serves its deterrent purposes of not performing them because it might transpire that someone might read it.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 06:52 pm
Chasing time on Tuesday, October 17, 2006...
while searching for source texts for my essay yesterday, i chanced upon this: The War Game
Part interviews and quotations, part acting, this film simulates the aftermath of a large-scale nuclear attack near a rural area of England. It argues that citizens and Civil Defense authorities are poorly prepared for this eventuality, and describes possible physical, psychological and social damage in graphic detail.
46 mins long, so watch when you're free :p veh impressive mix of fact and fiction, drama and documentary.
and if u're in the mood for being depressed. this show is downright depressing, the hopelessness pervades and suffocates. i don't know any other show that made me start tearing halfway and all the way through till the end. its quite.. an experience.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 10:05 p.m.
while searching for source texts for my essay yesterday, i chanced upon this: The War Game
Part interviews and quotations, part acting, this film simulates the aftermath of a large-scale nuclear attack near a rural area of England. It argues that citizens and Civil Defense authorities are poorly prepared for this eventuality, and describes possible physical, psychological and social damage in graphic detail.
46 mins long, so watch when you're free :p veh impressive mix of fact and fiction, drama and documentary.
and if u're in the mood for being depressed. this show is downright depressing, the hopelessness pervades and suffocates. i don't know any other show that made me start tearing halfway and all the way through till the end. its quite.. an experience.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 10:05 p.m.
Chasing time on Monday, October 16, 2006...
MAF photos!
Of all days, it had to fall on my mobilization day >< Which means an endless rush to and fro Pasir Ris and home, before cabbing straight over to school... >more<
More distant, drifting away definitely, especially with this year's 02 turnout. Intriguing that bonding to the school spirit and ideals is a way to build the class spirit, but that it isn't the only way.
But yes, these 2 years is really the most formative and awakening period of my life. It's just the period where you're still so well taken care of, everything mapped and planned out for you, that you just happily cruise along, and essentially enjoying the ride. I still remember the endless promises to myself to enjoy that particular moment, a snapshot in time (as I walk and look down from the 3rd floor, on the bus overlooking macritchie, at the class benches, the sharp cold morning air of arrival) to savour the time spent, as if trying to prevent NS and university from ever approaching and spoiling this wonderful segment of the ride. Why enjoyable? Perhaps it's just.. too comfortable, care-free, fun; the feeling of belonging to somewhere worth belonging to. (how unlike the army!) Constant social interaction with the class. Knowing that this will never happen again. And maybe it's the time when I first awoke to the concept of time, and thus value it ever more than anything before?
Just as everytime the magic dissolves after the masquerade, it hurts that you don't belong.. not as during the facade, not as before. Sigh.
Note the bag I was carrying :p 2001 HC open house.
Grace send-off
Mel and YC send-off
Horse present, and send-off
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The rushing of the present was really great fun :p Made completely on the train on the way, we scrapped magazines, added miscellaneous items gleaned from bags, fragrance added from solid perfume dab.. really a great work of spontaneity ^^
Pastries dessert at Ricciotti
Half price after 9! :D Otherwise, the pictures speak it all for themselves!! :)
Some intriguing articles recently read from New Scientist :) I subscribe to it, and they fly it to me half way across the globe, for like 2.50 a article, per week :p It's always intriguing to see how would your concepts of life, the universe and everything fit into the latest discoveries pushing the boundaries of our ken.
Ah, the perennial favourite subject of discussion: Free will
Mind fiction - Why your brain tells tall tales
My other universe is a Porsche
The common denominator running through these threads of seemingly disparate fields of inquiry, is always that the more we know, the more insignificant we are. Of free will and determinism, how much is being human, more than being a robot, other than a much higher level of complexity? Between purely random constructs and purely mechanical forms, is there a middle ground for free will?
"Mind fiction" bolsters the argument that our existence is as significant as say, tumbling dominos. If consciousness is merely the process of making sense of a deterministic mechanatron, where does "I" begin, and is it merely a construct for reference, and not something eternal. Also, it provides a interesting aspect to how AI could be constructed, by just attaching a separate neural net to analyse the main decision making? How integrated are they? Do they interact? Sans the deterministic view of the world, are we able to make decisions, or are our decisions already made before we even make sense of it?
"Other universe" furthers serves derails any uniqueness or significance that we have presumptuously assigned ourselves to. It seems that complexity and "order" in our perspective emerges as part of the entropic process, and life, even if incomprehensible in our eyes, would eventually emerge. Life, of course, as in the scientific definition of a metabolic body, and perhaps in the grander scheme of things, if the significance of alive and living is lost, life is just the apparent orderly dissipation of order.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 04:32 a.m.
Of all days, it had to fall on my mobilization day >< Which means an endless rush to and fro Pasir Ris and home, before cabbing straight over to school... >more<
More distant, drifting away definitely, especially with this year's 02 turnout. Intriguing that bonding to the school spirit and ideals is a way to build the class spirit, but that it isn't the only way.
But yes, these 2 years is really the most formative and awakening period of my life. It's just the period where you're still so well taken care of, everything mapped and planned out for you, that you just happily cruise along, and essentially enjoying the ride. I still remember the endless promises to myself to enjoy that particular moment, a snapshot in time (as I walk and look down from the 3rd floor, on the bus overlooking macritchie, at the class benches, the sharp cold morning air of arrival) to savour the time spent, as if trying to prevent NS and university from ever approaching and spoiling this wonderful segment of the ride. Why enjoyable? Perhaps it's just.. too comfortable, care-free, fun; the feeling of belonging to somewhere worth belonging to. (how unlike the army!) Constant social interaction with the class. Knowing that this will never happen again. And maybe it's the time when I first awoke to the concept of time, and thus value it ever more than anything before?
Just as everytime the magic dissolves after the masquerade, it hurts that you don't belong.. not as during the facade, not as before. Sigh.
Note the bag I was carrying :p 2001 HC open house.
The rushing of the present was really great fun :p Made completely on the train on the way, we scrapped magazines, added miscellaneous items gleaned from bags, fragrance added from solid perfume dab.. really a great work of spontaneity ^^
Some intriguing articles recently read from New Scientist :) I subscribe to it, and they fly it to me half way across the globe, for like 2.50 a article, per week :p It's always intriguing to see how would your concepts of life, the universe and everything fit into the latest discoveries pushing the boundaries of our ken.
Ah, the perennial favourite subject of discussion: Free will
Mind fiction - Why your brain tells tall tales
My other universe is a Porsche
The common denominator running through these threads of seemingly disparate fields of inquiry, is always that the more we know, the more insignificant we are. Of free will and determinism, how much is being human, more than being a robot, other than a much higher level of complexity? Between purely random constructs and purely mechanical forms, is there a middle ground for free will?
"Mind fiction" bolsters the argument that our existence is as significant as say, tumbling dominos. If consciousness is merely the process of making sense of a deterministic mechanatron, where does "I" begin, and is it merely a construct for reference, and not something eternal. Also, it provides a interesting aspect to how AI could be constructed, by just attaching a separate neural net to analyse the main decision making? How integrated are they? Do they interact? Sans the deterministic view of the world, are we able to make decisions, or are our decisions already made before we even make sense of it?
"Other universe" furthers serves derails any uniqueness or significance that we have presumptuously assigned ourselves to. It seems that complexity and "order" in our perspective emerges as part of the entropic process, and life, even if incomprehensible in our eyes, would eventually emerge. Life, of course, as in the scientific definition of a metabolic body, and perhaps in the grander scheme of things, if the significance of alive and living is lost, life is just the apparent orderly dissipation of order.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 04:32 a.m.
Chasing time on Sunday, October 1, 2006...
A recess week, but so little done. How when you no longer can control yourself? Maybe you never had the control. How, when you still do or don't do things despite the little voice shouting at the back? More of a spectator than an active participant in being me, and this downward slide is unnerving me.
And so here I am, 3am in the morning, defiantly challenging myself to waste time in lieu of sleep, in hope that my wasterlust will fade. A bit masochistic, but somehow that seemed just the only thing that the small voice 'I' could make me do.
Every airport trip hurts. Especially when fellow locals start wondering about their choice, and I with the openly deprecating wow-oh-at-least-you-had-a-choice, while inwardly oozing away, twinging with rue, and looping, racing questions on end. A good ego-deflating exercise though, hot air can only get you so far, might as well lose the balloon. stabstabstabstab.
Alright, best get started with work, if I ever do. The past distracts heavily, you know? Especially with endless files to clean up, remnants of a improper file organisation system, leaving me spending endless time rearranging. If only it all disappears, and may I start afresh - but that, I can't do myself. Ohtwo takes work too. And all the risked money takes its toll.
On a brighter note, the Dopod S300 shall be mine! :D Hopefully it'll be free with my dad's upgrade (:
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 01:49 am
A recess week, but so little done. How when you no longer can control yourself? Maybe you never had the control. How, when you still do or don't do things despite the little voice shouting at the back? More of a spectator than an active participant in being me, and this downward slide is unnerving me.
And so here I am, 3am in the morning, defiantly challenging myself to waste time in lieu of sleep, in hope that my wasterlust will fade. A bit masochistic, but somehow that seemed just the only thing that the small voice 'I' could make me do.
Every airport trip hurts. Especially when fellow locals start wondering about their choice, and I with the openly deprecating wow-oh-at-least-you-had-a-choice, while inwardly oozing away, twinging with rue, and looping, racing questions on end. A good ego-deflating exercise though, hot air can only get you so far, might as well lose the balloon. stabstabstabstab.
Alright, best get started with work, if I ever do. The past distracts heavily, you know? Especially with endless files to clean up, remnants of a improper file organisation system, leaving me spending endless time rearranging. If only it all disappears, and may I start afresh - but that, I can't do myself. Ohtwo takes work too. And all the risked money takes its toll.
On a brighter note, the Dopod S300 shall be mine! :D Hopefully it'll be free with my dad's upgrade (:
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 01:49 am
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