Took to the pen on 10-1-2003...

November dawns. Well usually I'd stick some stuff that I usually don't write at the end of the month's post, but not much nowadays heh :p

Looking out to the early November sky,
I taste the sharp twang of truth and reality,
Intermingled with regret and much much worry.

I miss the bygone times of fun and happiness,
I wish it back, I will it to, but yet it leaves;
Time is flowing by me, it eddies around me,
For I'm not flowing with it, trapped in a pothole of my making

What if, fickle fate, chose me not to soar?
The winds of fate are ever changing,
It may catch those in flight,
Or save those in their plunging spiral.

Help me, save me.
I'm utterly lost.
I need a guide.
I don't know how to move on.

The end of the 12 year long path is in sight.
Yet while others rejoice, I look on in disbelief ~
Meandering rivers, muddied fields, cloudy skies,
Are the only paths open to us, no beaten trails.

Worried.
Lost.
60, perhaps 70 years ahead await.
I just want to have a comfortable life.
The army would be a nice joyride.
It's my ideal path. Fixed, unmoving, constant.

My main worry perhaps now is just the scholarships. And my A levels.
I don't want to screw it up.
I want my distinctions, I want my As.
GP HOW? S PAPERS HOW?
Oh yeah. Throw in University applications for a good mix of tasty worry. -Yum-

I suppose I'd be better when everyone's having fun.
Await the end of A's. And 12 years of bliss. (NS + University + "Assured Employment" aka bond - i hope)

Then I'd worry again.
But that's good eh? They come in 12 year periods.

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 01:49a.m.

Took to the pen on 9-30-2003...

Had a kinda interesting dream just now :p Usually dreams are interesting as somehow reality just gets all mixed up but almost everyone accepts them. And also, I don't remember my dreams.

What's disturbing is perhaps that in whatever scene I'm in, somehow there are computers connected to the net _everywhere_ in my dreams. Ack. Is this a sign of addiction? :(

Ok lets see what remnants of the dream I can garner now. Hmm ok, my memory more or less started with some kind of rugby game. Which is weird cos I'm not really into such stuff. And the whole school is playing. Whee. From the left-bottom-most corner, looking from the top... are computers. Muahaha :p

Then somehow I got transplanted into another room. Another dream, perhaps? Dreamt that we are in classrooms of a school, but thinking back the rooms are actually the bedrooms of my old home :) Of course, there is a computer again, and somehow, the building is collapsing. Now logic would have dictated that we all run like nuts, but somehow a bunch of us just stayed back and watch everyone run like mad lazily. Then someone came in and told us that this person just doesn't want to leave the room cos she wants to die or something. So we went in and chatted with her. Weird. The person then told us why death is preferable. Something about being sick all the time and family problems.

Anyway, at this point in the dream I've kinda realised that I'm dreaming. Bade goodbye, and just practically flew down the staircases counting off the floors, and when I hit the 5th level, the staircase down just somehow didn't exist (I must have played too many FPShooter games). Ran along the corridor (towards the lift I presume), and as the building shook I jumped out and grabbed a tree and slid down to safety. And was treated to a spectacular view of the building collapsing. -boing- Ok I then kinda woke up from that dream. But I didn't realise then I was _still_ dreaming.

Just felt it weird. For the girl felt entirely believable. I don't even recognise that person at all, and I knew the rest of the people I interacted with in the dream. Hmmmmmm.

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 02:09p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-30-2003...

Was fun today! Supposed to go Chris house at 9, but only woke up at 9.20 after he called me, and with everyone else almost there already :p Rushed and rushed, and reached there only at around 10.30.

Finished TJC maths paper today! Haha quite an accomplishment, given that they were practicing martial arts (kicking here and there), singing, playing comp games, bridging, and lots more! Tried to do another chem paper, but no mood and no data booklet, so procastinated till tomorrow I guess :p

Anyway his house is soo nice haha. He got a nice large bed that's twice as large as mine and made good practice for rolling and jumping hahaha, much to his distress. Lots of antiques like old phones, old irons, old clocks, tiger/lion? rugs, dogs, and chickens! muahaha. and chickens fly you know? saw them perched on the tree. And they make lots of noise; was seriously tempted to grab a knife and prepare dinner this night :) After they decided to sleep and shut up the dog then started to make noise. Hurhur. Perhaps this is how the chinese proverb (ji quan bu ning) came about :p Oh yeah and made recordings of our singings hurhur. iFP rules! :) -beams-

Sigh. Ok. Kinda like holiday eh? Yeah, I guess. A levels drawing near and we're still like having fun :p Ack ack ack must study! Ahhh and matrix revolutions is screening SOON! :) Can't WAIT! Haha ^_-

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 01:06a.m.

Took to the pen on 9-29-2003...

Ooh. Yay finished downloading of Hidden and Dangerous 2, all 2.1GB of it! -grin- Been a weirdly long day today, spent most of the time outside, studying, trying to study, and eating. And got ticked off for playing cards in Macdonalds. Meanie managers.

Been hunting for cameras now too! :) Bidding on some cheap cameras now hurhur, intend to buy better ones after BMT once I get the money. As well as handphone! -boing-

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 12:50a.m.

Took to the pen on 9-28-2003...

I'm still intrigued by rain :) The way it falls (is it me, or is it really slower today?), the way it lands on the ground, the sound, and how the world just seems so much nicer and clearer after a nice storm.

Anyone wants to go with me and stroll in the rain or something? Muahaha. Bring spare clothes in a plastic bag! :)

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 01:54a.m.

Took to the pen on 9-25-2003...

The rain-stroked night beckons.

The magical tugging at your heart. Strangely enticing, yet you can't put a finger on that feeling.

"Join us..."

The yearning to be out, be free of the shelter, to be embraced by the frigid, yet welcoming, midnight breeze. The dotted lights of the night's cityscape glitter like a million eyes in the distance, blinking and flittering, mesmerising you.

"We promise..."

And promise much, it did. It feels as if there are underlying dots of mystery in your life, that it is willing to connect and enlight. It feels as if there are unanswered questions, that the night is willing to provide. It feels like night is willing to offer a sanctuary to those lost, in heart and soul, a place to heal and overcome sorrow.

You peer out of the window. The benign night sky is there, clear, the clouds having cried their fill; Stars twinkle innocently in the velvety blue-tinged sky. The moon hangs silently by in the corner, diffusing a pale yellow luminance through the night air. It silently watches, it carefully guides; a crescent omniscience presence.

Something touched you from within. You are not sure what it was, you can never be sure. You hesitate for but a fleeting moment, and the feeling was gone with the draft, as sudden as it came, leaving billowing curtains and papers swirling in its wake.

"Beautiful night," you mutter, and continue with the work, but not without a touch of rue, and an emptiness unquenched, burning deep within.

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 09:38p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-25-2003...

"I will integrate you!"

"You can't integrate me! I'm e raised to the power of x! Muahaha. And now... I differentiate you!"

Future of computer-based learning - RPG intertwined with maths lessons. Yay.

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 12:24a.m.

Took to the pen on 9-25-2003...

Slacked another day away. Woke up late today, then spent the morning... doing something, but I forgot what I was doing. It just wasn't work. OH! Yeah, I checked my SAT results. Crapped with ChinEe until lunch time. Then well, had lunch, and skipped breakfast, so actually had brunch.

Den somehow manage to waste the afternoon away. I also kinda forgot what I did, other than install Condition Zero (which sucked - don't download :p, play payne instead), and dug out all the remaining work I've in my cabinets and lay them out neatly. Like condemned men on the execution grounds. Waiting for my pen to run into them, leaving bloody cursive trails of ink in its destructive path...

Yeah. Waiting for my pen, indeed. My pen is still safe and snuck in it's pencil box, unwilling to face the massacre ahead. Oh well. I can't force it. Besides, it's Deepavali, which is, well... a PUBLIC HOLIDAY! So we cannot study, it goes against the conventions!

Need to study. Shall start tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the day where I run the point of the capillary ink well through the smooth silky unmarred face of the book, vandalising it in the proper way such as to be credit-worthy. Or perhaps I could bring out other condemned, such as the stack of paper, currently huddled in the corner, looking apprehensively at me, to face its unspeakable fate.

Hurhur. Violent me.

Anyway. I will start tomorrow! I shall strive towards getting a nice straight set of As. It'd be terrible not to, when half the school did. Perhaps I should work on GP too, and hand it in to Ms Neo. Yes! Study! Study! -self pyscho-

And I'm going to change Jolene's name in Dad's handphone address book to John Doe or Igor or something. Parents! Tsk...

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 12:20a.m.

Took to the pen on 9-24-2003...

Tagboard has be integrated at last! :) Oh yes... and you can post an entry through my "Editor" as long as you have enabled "Remember Me" at ur pitas login. The editor will automatically add line breaks to your entries... and thats about all :p Though do note the formats of the date and time has been changed a little.

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 11:55p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-24-2003...

Woke up and IM from horse whether I've received my SAT scores :p Decided not to drag the inevitable for too long, so I just went to check my results immediately. The page is seriously taking forever to load, and my heart rate just kept increasing, palms sweaty, body shivering...

... Haha! Writing 640! :) Not too good but yay still higher than expected la, for such a horrible essay written ^_-

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 12:01p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-23-2003...

More activities today than usual :) Reached KAP at 9.30 to do organic chemistry questions, and played a little bridge after that :p It was hcjc open house today, and we went back to join in the fun and soak in the atmosphere Changed to RI uniform and went to find mum who borrowed her Cedar friend's uniform, and somehow arranged to meet at the clock tower. Woahhh it really feels kinda weird running all over CHS in RI uniform, got this sinister feeling... like any moment something would jump out and eat me. Or the floors will open up and swallow me. Gulp.

Anyway regrouped with the rest of the class and lamed all over the place, including things like shouting the names of our juniors when they're performing... made some people a little shaky in their performances haha ^_- Got the goodie bag! And those nice Chinese society people came up and promoted Csoc to us. Yay :) I want to be sec 4 again...

Found quite a few teachers, some who are pretty amused by the swapping of uniforms. Confused some other people who chanced by the computer lab by telling them more information than any other non-hc person should know :p And the milo truck! Didn't eat lunch, so I guess that gives me the excuse to drink 3 cups of it :) -beams- I like milo. It's chocolatey hahaha. Lamed around with the CO and ITS people too, yep yep I'm a retainee student with a L1R5 of 29, and I want to appeal to enter HCJC. -nods-

Haha and danced the mass dances -again-. Mm guess I've never really missed any of the mass dance events so far, but sighh oh well it could be my last few already. Discounting next year's orientation, that is. And after that soon I'd be dancing with guns and dodging bullets. Sigh. Kinda forgot some of the moves already, hoped to revise them next year more properly :)

And we gave weizhen her birthday present, and sang her birthday song thrice! English, chinese, and mixed :p Mmm we also wanted to get her up to the inner plaza and perform but oh well she didn't want it :) Another birthday settled...!

They wanted to go jam after that, so I went with mum to library to start printing out the page after pages of application forms. Woah. Lots of trees. And always remember to print double sided since paper is heavy, and so is postage.

-rants-
Mmm shall skip what happened after the printing... Cos grrrr essentially the gist is that I went to find them after they finished jamming. But they ruined the deck of cards, and all just went home after that. Oh well. And remember DON'T judge the value of other people's time based on how you value yours. It's irritating, and telling me that I'd be wasting it anyway DOES NOT ... I REPEAT... DOES NOT HELP A BIT. Shuddup. Oh well. Anyway remember just FORGET it. Some things are meant to be understood and let lie, not argued/discussed over a cup of tea.
-end rants-

Hurhur. Yay. Watched Kill Bill Vol 1. Oooh it's bloody. And well. Essentially the whole show is about "people killing, people dying", and pretty things you can do with a samurai sword. Like blood fountains, or flailing limbs and dismembered heads or legs. Yah. Intruiging how people said it's nice. Oh well. It's not mindless I suppose, they've got nice chereography. And an entire anime portion to tell part of the story. Hurhur. Interesting indeed. I can just imagine how much blood flows in volume two.

Woah. Amazingly horribly tired. Shall go sleep now, and wake up tomorrow and go school to photocopy, certify, and buy notes. Alternatively. I'd just do work tomorrow. I need to start soon. 18 more days. Good luck to me.


...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 11:38p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-22-2003...

Hope to settle the stuff tomorrow. I have to start studying soon :( Been just floating around all these while waiting for time to fly by me. And all those applications! Sigh :(

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 11:08p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-22-2003...

Lost in the mirage of sand, stretching horizons, with the merciless winds erasing all traces of paths previously trodden on by others... except the one leading back.

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 12:21p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-22-2003...

Oh yes. Anyway, I'm back to blogging. Needed a new layout to inspire to do some blogging la hehee :p Shoo nice right... Hahaha ^_-

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 01:06a.m.

Took to the pen on 9-22-2003...

Hurhur. Isn't it amazing how ... everyone subconsciously strives to be better than others. To the sense that it's stupid... though I'd admit I'm guilty of these very thoughts... to be comparing who has more friends in Friendsters. -_-'''

Omg. Why do numbers count? Why do these values affect me/us so much? Hit counters, scores, results, SAT scores... I always try to prevent pulling up scores and all that unless it is for self-degradory (sp) purposes, but yet it seems that everyone else wants to know, and in heart they've marked up a notch higher or lower after that. Sigh.

"EHH WHEY HE STEAL MY FRIEND LINKS!"

Sigh.

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 01:02a.m.

Took to the pen on 9-21-2003...

Hmm ook I suppose my first draft of the layout is complete! :) Muahaha. Now for the tagboard and page description :) And er. Well. Fix the colours somehow :)

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 11:44p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-21-2003...

Hurhur err ok la any good recommendations for color coordination? Looks like a sea of bleu to me. Not niceee.

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 10:26p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-21-2003...

Oops. I know, the page's features wouldn't work on non-IE browsers, but I'd learn to resolve that one day :) Should be simple la, but I'm laziii.

Oh damn. Went to bathe with TWO shirts. Thought my other shirt was pants. AHHH hahaha :p

Yay oh welll. Hope I'd be more inspired to blog now that I've got a new layout. Muahaha. And new javascripts ^_-

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 10:06p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-21-2003...

More more more!

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 09:36p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-21-2003...

And More Testing testing!

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 08:54p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-21-2003...

More Testing testing

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 08:54p.m.

Took to the pen on 9-21-2003...

Testing testing

...contemplated yet another facet of life's mosiac at 08:53p.m.