Chasing time on Wednesday, July 27, 2005...
I hear people who claim that their "feelings" are unique and unduplicable, and feel so strongly about this that it is their sense of pride, of man over machine.
While I do agree that feelings and emotions are special, I'm quite antagonistic towards the idea of "uniqueness". It seems to me that they are basing the "uniqueness" observation solely on the very fact that humans are unable to perceive their inner workings of the mind; who is to say it is not just clockwork with a dash of chaos, or that in baser and "degradatory" terms as a organic but mechanical computer, other than innate human bigotry? What once was marvellous would have had been seen in a different light, had we the ability of introspection to perceive how our mind works; again, the illogical and arrogant aspects mind at work to presume. How can we glorify such aspects of the mind, when we presume to know?
Of course, the gift of emotions and feelings should definitely be appreciated, but such that we're glad that they have added so much colour to an otherwise potentially dull and meaningless life, rather than waxing lyricals about computers never able to have feelings. I just asked the guy in the bathroom who espoused such thoughts: what really are feelings?
(p.s. And indeed, what are they really? Ain't they just chemical impulses that expresses the survival instincts in the game where the fittest survives? Or...)
(p.p.s I'm apologetically against the ideas of creation and Intelligent Design, though I do not deny the fact of the great Creator / Programmer / God in the Sky or any other iterations of a supreme being. To reconcile these two facts or not, I leave it to you; though I've heartedly hope and believe in the eventual reconcillation between the sciences and religion, merger of heart and mind.)
Whatever happened to the abuse of subtleties of speech, contextual inferences and SIMPLE gratitude towards a provider? :(
I was lending someone else in a different block my keyboard, and really, I fully expect that one, as a receipient, should at least show some effort of gratitude by making it as convenient as possible for the other party when receiving and returning the loan.
X: Would be good if we can bump into each other like today (where I walked a bit instead of just waiting)
For goodness sake, I did not BUMP into you, it was a gesture of goodwill that now you want to exploit?! Peeved, I shot back, as usual inundating it with smileys in a light hearted attempt,
Me: lol tsk :p i din intentionally bump, and im certainly not walking further than soa to do someone a favor :p
(SOA's just a block which is the midpoint of our buildings)
X: Haha. I won't make a person walk so far either
**User has signed out.
Sigh, and you're telling me that it is your right that I should walk at most halfway (at least) to enact my favour? Guys! (that specific kind, not general) I reiterate my paragraph opening, and hope I've never ever said such before.
Logic and emotional turmoil
Rages beneath his peace
For what convinced the mind
His heart does not believe
Indeed :( But nice right?
Haha and wwolf I read your link to the fanfic lol dun really dig those slash and ship tales (ugh i can't bear to witness those parts ><), what struck me esp was the angel/devil reference in one of harry's lines towards e end that tied back to the title, nice touch haha; and also seems some events can be related to and not without parallel... (distant parallels though :P)
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 10:20 pm
Chasing time on Monday, July 18, 2005...
Why him!! Why does he has to dieee :(:(:( Rowling has utterly traumatised me this time hmph :(:(:(
Really need to exercise more self-restraint heh; despite trying to stop myself from reading it all in one go, it was a losing battle since chapter 10 :(
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 10:19 pm
Chasing time on Sunday, July 17, 2005...
Helped out with the BHCO concert held on saturday, a first where I didn't play but just helped out as a stage hand, shifting chairs and stuff around heh ^_^ Qt enjoyed the songs selections, and kinda missed the experience of playing in the orchestra :) ... tho quite time consuming, something which NSF's are seriously lacking in hm.
Much difficulty in getting off bed this week; as much alarm clocks I set, as many snoozes I clock, it seemed that my body just refuses to get up and drags the mind to sleep along with it. 7 hours just ain't enough, haha. It's kinda ironic, for there's so much to do, yet EXACTLY because there's so much I'm in denial ... don't know what to do first, then end up regretting like hell when I'm back in camp.
Need a proper schedule >< but I'm seriously getting veryyy lazy :(:(:(
The standby duties have come to an end; glad its all gonna be over; unfortunately, being involved in the army's half marathon competitive team doesn't exclude me from the 3weeks operation bassinet which, well, involves guarding the sembawang wharves. :( hoping against hope i'd not be invovled in the guards when the schedule and all are finalised (MAF on 10th sep!!!)
GOT HARRY POTTER VI! :D shall try to prolong the reading experience by readdding slowly and limit myself to a few chapters a day ^^
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 11:23 pm
Chasing time on Sunday, July 17, 2005...
Deja Moo - A feeling that you've heard this bull before
"Harry Potter and The End of Trees"
The second one took a while to register, but I nearly died ^^
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 05:24 pm
Chasing time on Tuesday, July 12, 2005...
Had a bit too much chocolate this week, I think heh. Went to Secret Receipe with zakkk and wwolf where we slowly finished off one Chocolate Indulgence cake and another Moist Choc one, and ended off with a choc brownie for good measure. At least researchers say cocoa's great for ya, right? So we kinda had a potent anti-oxidant health therapy! :) Thanks jie too for the treat ^^
The chocolate high might have also explained why I'd end up with them after that meal, scouring the whole building in the grand search after - guess what - the elusive perfect pair of earring, it being kinda hard, since they all look about the same, anyway. Zakkk's looking for one for his sister, and ended up with one that looks like a glassy transparent bead with hooks, and I was like O_o when I saw it; I mean, they didn't even give you a complete bead, it's just like two 3/4s. wwolf was looking for a pair too, and she was already wearing three pairs; found one that sported a three rings design, and suggested that it might replace her entire current set of rings, too.
Was wondering too, with soo much of these around, I wonder what happened to the bulk that doesn't get sold?
There was this mass of people on Sunday queuing up for something at Junction 8. Anyone knows what was happening? :)
Bought like Oreos with the chocolate filling, Amos cookie, and some hazelnut filled biscuits, before booking in, haha. My week long therapy, haha :)
Went back to school too, and managed to talk to almost all the teachers, well, with the exception of Mr Pang's "Hi, fine, bye" >_< and Mr Choe was probably rushing off for some meeting. Met some of the juniors too, tried to pull a few along to play LAN with us haha.
A fish was like swimming about in the river one day, lost, and chanced upon this hoppity froggity - well, frog - and the conversation went on like this.
"Bubblebubblecroakcroakcroak bubblcroakcroak bubbleblub croakcroak"
Somehow the subleties of the speech were lost in translation, so we shall provide a plaintext approximation.
"Excuse me, dear froggity, can you like direct me to the..."
"City?"
-bubbl-
"No? Town? Space station?", he went on excitedly.
-bubbleeblup-
"Hey, that wasn't nice... oh, wait up!"
But the fish was long gone, exasperated...
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 06:38 am
Chasing time on Saturday, July 8, 2005...
Discovered new toy to play with on my phone: Symbian Python. Ack. My eyes are dying :( And I didn't learn much about it. Dang, really have to get a beginner's guide; or start a really good project with proper reference -_- The eeys aren't really aided by the notes I've printed out, where I squeezed 4 pages into one sheet, cut them out and sewn them together. Oops, the thread is falling out..
Can't wait for the newer alpha edition of the Python interpreter to go live: currently too little phone based features. Shall keep a look out; or go look at Symbian C++
Week has been pretty (heh) fantastic, caught up with most of the class people, and watched Fantastic 4 before booking in. Suspend doubts about mathematical improbabilities, and this should be a pretty good show. Tried to discuss about the trip to Aussie after ORD, but ended up laming each other too much and laughing. Intend to get a bigger gathering... soon. And visit Ms Moh and rest of chers.
In Mac now, shamelessly plugging away on their power supply and drinking tap water from my water bottle. Fries tasted dead so shan't be killing further taste buds. I think shall go refill my KFC cup soon. Wondering if there's a WIFI bluetooth card available; that'd make me go surfing-crazy :)
Think I'd go for a nap; or a lil' walk around to rest the eyes. Should have charged up most of the phone heh :) On second estimate, perhaps only half :(
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 11:05 p.m.
Chasing time on Sunday, July 3, 2005...
I don't know why... but as I walk around the vicinity of the carpark I'm guarding, seeing the old estates, the rivers, the cars and more houses again, I suddenly get a very 'lost' feeling; a slight panic attack; a feeling of despair, and is it fear I sense somewhere within?
I've had two dreams before where their emotional aftertaste felt similar to this state, one which was more than 10 years ago, and another, perhaps 3 years ago. Preluded with forgotten dreams, I woke up abruptly, feeling that I just have to complete this thing right NOW, and that there's nothing else in the world that matters or I should bother myself with, except that this is impossible to achieve, or that its not even important.
The first time it happened, it was just a few days after I've picked up BASIC programming, when I was like 10... woke up almost crying and actually RAN to the computer and turned it on, because I just had the overwhelming unquenchable urge debug some error code I've copied from a book... Only gradually settled back to normalcy after a while, while trying to calm myself down and go back to sleep.
The second time was when I had a dream, regarding worlds: it was as if I was tasked with this impossible job of creating a world, or something like that. Jumped out of bed in sweat, wandered in circles, mirroring the fan above, as I wondered desperately how the heck am I gonna do it.
Maybe it's instructions from above, maybe we're just automatas receiving our jobs, but till today I'm obsessed with codes and building worlds (in the simulation sense, that is).
A compelling force edged me on, left boot after right, and I went on. From the stadium carpark I felt the comfortable embrace of the decrepit but welcoming housing estates, strolled by the Old Airport Road hawker centres, saw a school with rather unique architecture but forgot the name, on and on. It just felt that I'm just searching on and on for something, for a memory of something...
and chin accompanied me in spirit on msn haha as I roamed about; dhs was nearby after all and she's bit familar with the place.
Then I practically ran all the way back, because they've begun to gather back in the carpark.
I've got a tan line on my forehead, thanks to my beret and hot afternoon sun.
Reached home at midnight, yet back camp at 8. Felt like it was all such a waste, especially when the code I've been working on failed completely.
I feel so utterly unaccomplished this week :(
At least I've got my chocolate cake icecream therapy :)
And I tasted papparoti on my meaningless meanderings.
McNuggets don't taste as well as before.
I'm getting fat after a weekend on junk food. And poor, too :(
I've got a combat shoot tomorrow; wish me and and section luck, since it's $200 pax we're talking about if we get sufficient points :p
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 09:53 pm
Chasing time on Monday, June 27, 2005...
The past two weekends had been precious time dedicated to the nation; and there's of course some free time, ie, when they finally relented to return our brains from the storage. First thought that goes through one whose mind have been forcibly shut down, might possibly be "Am I me?". Of course, I've known some, whose first thoughts might have been ".", but then I suppose it's a virtue and a blessing as far as the army is concerned, and worthy of a 10 year contract: they even offer a bounty for them (but of course, explaining them away with the small print these people often overlook)
After getting over the identity crisis, I would then proceed to bemoan my sheer luck of being involved in the nation's birthday party yet again as a lowly trooper; it is not common to be involved twice, but coincidences and probability collide and merge to give us this unfortunate outcome. But it's a party, you might say, enjoy it! Pride! Fun! Yeah, yeah, I'd mutter under my breath (if I've managed to reestablish the destroyed neural pathways necessary for speech), it's like throwing a big messy birthday party in the void deck and expect the cleaners to be happy.
Actually volunteered for the first one last week, as my friend had to go for some wedding in Australia and I went in his stead, saving myself from having to use two day-offs. (Also got some nice choco-marshmellowy cake as a gift from aussie :) yum!) It wasn't bad, all you have to do is like stand on the vehicle and "look fierce" when the "camera shine (sic) on you" or when people look your way, except on these two days you gotta do it under the hot blazing sun, wrapped fully complete with a neck-camouflage shawl and complete with a generous helping of facial makeup, checked every few hours. "MORE GREEN!", they'd bark, and you'd have to scoot off to somewhere cooling to dry up the sweat and repaint your face with alternating stripes of green and black. They say it'd help you blend in in the forest. I say at 100m I don't think the enemy can see my nice red lips, with all those trees, bushes; and at 10m it wouldn't MATTER whether I've applied lipstick or not.
No point sometimes, to point out the obvious; dedicated soldiers not only sign on, they keep their brains safe from harm and damage by not using it and keeping it somewhere dry and cool.
Ah, but when you volunteer, things just doesn't seem so bad, since I have had a choice (well, between two equally distasteful choices), and lots of time indeed to rest and do what I wanted to.. planned out the codes for some simple programming problems while waiting all these while.
Weekends flew by, and weekdays followed up, trudging along, unwilling.
We've been learning recently on the final stages of close combat training; like how to throw an enemy to the ground, after dodging his blow neo-like, or escape a holdup at knifepoint. We even learnt that to survive fighting at close range we often need the enemy's help to follow through a specific attack sequence; more like following a chereographed dance. And how useful is that, I wonder.
"Give me all your money!"
"Excuse me, maybe you can hold your knife slightly lower, just below my neck, so I can execute a series of moves that'd result in you pinned down on the ground and a horrible longitudinal knifecut from head to toe?
We all learn in outfield that mosquitoes are your worst enemies, not those guys up north. They'd buzz all over you, depriving you of precious sleep, interrupting your dreams and giving you itches that last. Aliens who somehow descend on Earth, if they somehow ended up in Lim Chu Kang training areas at night, might note that humans have a sadistic tendancy to inflict harm on themselves, by slapping and scratching themselves while at sleep.
What's worse than a mosquito who refuse to be flattened after buzzing your ear, is that it dies flattened IN your ear -_-
Right, so this week, I was told that I would be assigned the role of having to guard the vehicles/tanks that park in the national stadium carparks, as well as a host of miscellaneous jobs, like stopping cars Neo-like, and telling vehicles when to move and when to halt, occasionally directing them to the right way.
And it sucked.
Alright, partly the mosquitoes and other related family of biters and suckers, where they successfully kept me from sleeping on the ground for the 2 whole days by attacking me relentlessly and in droves.
And that we only packed up and finished at 5.30am in the morning, on a Sunday, when we should have be on a nice comfy bed instead.
Or that we spent nearly 1/3 of a day standing at a point, marshalling vehicles and tanks.
Utter boredom. Even the container that held my brain stifled a yawn.
Of course, given that we didn't have much opportunites to sleep, it also allowed me to finish a book, and chat incessantly over msn, adding the energy-equivalent of 2 phone batteries of carbon to the environment. Maybe I should have gotten a solar charger.
Other mitigating factors that saved it from being the nadir of our ns lifes include that we're allowed to go to Macs and KFC just a stone's throw away, for our meals and during our rest time. Also, KFC offers unlimited refills. I still have the cup.
Though the ambience is good, Macdonald's made me a very embarrassed person. I was trying to buy a meal with my ezlink card, and after holding back the queue for like, 5 mins, where they repeatedly tried to figure out what's wrong, the manager finally asked me, Does it have Girolink?
I nodded, certain that it has sufficient money, but this seed of uncertainty started to swell within me; the seed of thought in which everything and anything can go wrong, and will.
He then proceed to tell me, despite the fact that they can perfectly read my card, and that there are no signs saying otherwise, my card cannot be used for purchasing meals because it has a GiroLink.
I tried to disappear into the background, feeling the combined weight of scrutinising gazes from people behind and about, and briefly contemplated exercising customers rights and throwing a tantrum, pushing the blame to them instead. Instead, I just scooted off and borrowed money for the meal, before heading back sheepishly.
Maybe I should like, sue them or something. I can barely imagine what will it be like, one day, should I eventually be of certain stature and rank, only to have someone snicker in the meetings,
Hey, that's the guy who couldn't afford a meal at Mac and tried to pay for it with his ezlink! *laughter across the board*
Hell, maybe I should just get my camouflage cream ready. Maybe for all its uselessness it help me hide and disappear in the event of the above scenario. It might; I'm keeping my fingers crossed and drawers stocked.
At the very least, maybe it'd hide my red cheeks and make me look determined to end their lifes, should they ever mention of it again.
Pointless it be, eternal resignation to thy inability?
Pointless it not, eternal struggle towards the top :)
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 12:48 am
Chasing time on Sunday, June 19, 2005...
-inane musings- sigh in again somehow not exactly looking forward to end of it all for whats after it but more ends to look for a nice fine time like i always cos it's already 2 yrs of ur time fated to be wasted so theres nothing wrong wasting it and everything right and great if u could make great use of it unlike outside where itd be a daily grind to push squeeze every min i know can relak but i just cant stand not doing anything hyperactivity setting in money figures strongly nt in luxury spending sense but rather financial freedom unfettered by tots like ugh i need this tool but cant afford it and i cant afford the cab money is time aint it not somehow looking at the world too logically attempting to pry the underlying runnings just take away the appeal and fun of letting luck n fate determine ur life its like so bland everything becomes a cause no preternatural effects to associate to we are the people who do not accept becos its so for an answer yet going deeply just spoils the appreciation sometimes if we one day no longer dig computers tt'll be the day they're defined as sentient in our language cos we are myopic and selfcentered race .. same way tt if one day we fully understand how we work and all wun it like spoil all our preconceived pompousness? i think it'd be good to deal us a humbling blow anyway read some article on where love works something on it being on a different part of the brain more towards the craves than towards say lust or sumthing... or mebbe like unconscious body language and stuff.. u noe it only to be able to manipulate others then it comes to the case where a thing is right if only the other party doesnt know about it but isnt tt the case all the time now if flexing political muscles the dark manipulations everywhere complicated world we're growing into no choice a constant trudge down the fourth dimensional lane arghh anw sumtimes it'd be gd to just relax ard and not do much u know and just enjoy life but den u think whats the point except instinctial gratification ughugh and den the societal innate programming to rise to top to be the fittest to be the best eternal struggles where there can be few winners and many sufferers how many gave up along the path littering and blocking it with their fetal bodies curled up how wud we - will we - be tt lucky few - or be those unfettered and like go live in a cave subsisting only on potatoes and other roots and contemplate the big qn and 42. built and programmed to chug chug chug along all the way sigh ah well ok thnk ive wasted enough digital space much remind myself to archive the posts somewhere safe pitas mite not stay safe forever things dun remain whereever they are forever in the grown up world sigh is the world changing or issit just me and wun it be good to sit down with friends and just ignore the demands of the world and just be peacefully content and pretend the world outside doesnt worry us no no nvm shall end here hey heres to a great week for everyone, hope everyones having fun u all have a fine time eh and hope all ur steps lead towards ur eventual goal i hope mine does does urs
-end musings-
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 11:48 pm
Chasing time on Sunday, June 19, 2005...
I think I'm gonna get cataracts or something, eventually.
Especially since I cannot sneeze unless I look at something bright -_-
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 03:56 pm
Chasing time on Thursday, June 16, 2005...
Perhaps yesterday's entry influenced a little, but I had the weirdest dream (dreams, to be exact) - a series of similar dreams, in the same world (i think; it's all haze and mists now)... just that it turned out to be so massively recursional! Waking up to realise I'm dreaming, then to wake up again; and again and again. Kinda deliberate, I guess, since I did recall that the dream started with me falling asleep, dreams into dreams :p And a very confusing one, with me physically waking up to look at my watch and noting the time, as well as conflicting dreams with me waking up in dreamworld, only to notice the time has gone backward/forward/all over the place! Lived true to the words I've typed yest; experiences to one situation played out in multitudes of way not possible in real life, heh! :p
Got drowsy reading the C++ primer (which incidentally has two priming chapters - the first two - that'd I recommend :)), and ended up in dreamland while the sun was still blazing; ach, a waste of a good afternoon. Must be the recursive problem I'm working on that gave me the weird dream :p
Wonder if we make our dreams productive, hmm.
And amazing, what fanciful stories the lazy mind can conjure up to keep you asleep :p How do you resist, esp when it's against your lazy dark other self? :(
And ughh I'm so gonna norobots this site liao, and write a link referer removing script :( you know, somehow the good ol' anonymity of the internet is lost; freedom without repercussions; the eternal tension between privacy and select publicity of blogs have gone askew.
What is privacy, if one does not exercise one's ability to protect it?
What crosses the line for a breach of privacy, up to typed letters with cease or desist warnings?
Perhaps we're morally obliged to protect "public" works that may be deemed private; in terms of OOP might we say inheriting a public object we should make it protected or even private, heh; as well as the do-but-dun-get-implicated, do-and-dun-complicate tenets of self serving interest :p
Am so sorry and traumatised at the same time, hehh :S
And I still can't find the right cookie headers to submit to make the autologin pitas posting possible sigh!
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 02:05 p.m.
Chasing time on Tuesday, June 14, 2005...
Grin my first time typing an entry on my phone using the bluetooth keyboard, so everyone say hi to it! :)
typing errors are still abound heh, shall have to type more to try get used to this darned layout lol; had to bring it back to the shop since one of the spacebars actually ain't working :(
ah, enough of the keyboard. nothing much happened in the week essentially, other than a bunch of self-defense lessons that involves us throwing people repeatedly onto the ground, so much so that even before you kick or heave your partner is already falling of his own accord... not that I'm against it; can ya imagine throwing a person more than twice your weight? O_o i fear for my bones!~
now able to access shell on my fone, heheh, so will be using the g++ compiler do to some of the compilation as i attempt to complete more of usacogate's training programmes :)
went to sim lim on friday evening to get the board at sls, ended up somewhere in the middle of the shophouses, near the rowell hdbs, for dinner; teochew porridge haha, with fr and chris; nice n cheep.
Settler's cafe on saturday! Perhaps the less techy equivalent of a LAN shop, with all the board games, card games and so on; and then you realise monopoly is actually a bored game, compared to those... already quite tempted to actually buy some of them from ebay or sumthing lol!
Its just opposite the speakers corner; where from we walked until funan; den realised one of our card kakis gotta go off so we ended up just walking some more to city hall and having dinner at the food court.
ach, poorly communicative species i am, grasping ineffectually at potential topics for conversation while my mind discards with little interest; hmm. somehow even the follower habit follows in step sometimes to speech; i'm not a standalone implementation but rather a complementary piece :( always this way, aint it not?
woke up late and panicking; late for bh so i decided against going there; settled down for a nice breakfast and papers.
cousin still not improving much, no motivation on his part; but life's a struggle, and we learn by struggling exactly so :p and so i continue..
Finally nursed a nearly 9 years itch by completing the teevee series jie lian huan, which i ripped from vcds kindly provided by wz last year :p was never one for tv, but something caught ~ something stirred; the haunting beat of the theme song carries it way through the ages and streams of time, to resurface and grab you again; guess you can say the concept of the tale haunts deep :p
Its just so scarily fast; time streams away, leaving frothy waters in its wake, stale from age; you look into it and it mirrors how much you've aged; when you turn your head it flows downstream and away, a forgotten sliver of time and memory now mingling with the other fishes in the giant encompassing ocean... find it again perhaps, someday, as we stroll down the beaches and perhaps admire the aftereffects of wave erosion, stumble onto this fragment, to recollect and to forget.
Darn, it wasn't meant to end like this haha... just tt yeah, with 270+ days to ord, precious little time left for me to actually have an excuse for not doing much; lazy me again haha.
Ach. Midnight chimes, and Cinderella me shall go to sleep; might tomorrow be a dream, like yesterday's wishes, and today's fantasies? Dreams just don't correlate with reality (of course; otherwise we'd be calling them nightmares); but it's nice to escape and to watch your life unfold in multitudes of way impossible in mundane reality.
I shall go to bed, and perhaps conjure up a happy, fitting dream.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 12:01 a.m.
Chasing time on Monday, June 6, 2005...
Just feeling so weary now, the nonstop pursuit of well, things worthy of pursuit heh. Tested sorely to the breaking point, of own ability to plan, of commitment to ideals, against procrastination; you know, after 12 yrs of following elses plans (or syllabus, heh), i find i haven't learnt how to follow mine properly :( Haha i've practically given up the alarm clocks, to the allure of sleep... time to thoroughly reassert goals, plans and set myself on the right foot again.
guard duty upcoming this friday :( but as always, it's a good time to think, reflect, and be inspired (somehow haha)
hitchhikers guide's great! :D laughed like crazy throughout, and its one of the few times the film actually complements its book well :) vogon poetry scene somehow not convincingly portrayed haha, not really enough towel references i guess heh, and some other minor things out of place... but all in all, worth the price well.
managed to convince uppers that i'm needed at track n field meet, when actually i'm not haha, so went there and sat down in a corner and slacked the two mornings i'm there, a vast improvement from camp life :p
and it's so coincidental! A friend of fengrun, degen, was actually also from 46! note the "was", cos apparently he went through 'a series of fortunate events' that eventually netted him an overseas posting... anywhere's better than sungei gedong lol :p and e overseas allowance is enough to make me drool @@ haha!
went for bhco practices again; quite apprehensive haha with all e changes, of time, and of skills (heh, or the lack thereof :p)... but still, had a good time! :)
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 10:43 p.m.
Chasing time on Sunday, May 29, 2005...
Been actually 2 weeks since I've last posted, ho ho, appears I've been getting lazy, have I not ^^ See that I've watched SW
EpIII (25/05), you probably will. Disappoint not, actionwise; A more believable plot, Lucas should have created. Quite a good
turn of chance it is, that free we all were, the erhu bunch. Intent to beat the weekend crowds and skyhigh price, we have,
but ended so late the movie did, too long the advertisements ran, that taxi we had to take. Saved nothing in the end, we
have.
And of course, the feeling of watching a movie while your camp mates are booking in (in camp), is as usual, like last year's
Incredibles, an undescribable feeling :D -dark aura-
Again, kind of on a on-and-off stay out, in preparations for the upcoming track and field competition. Not much time to
train, with all the outfields and overseas training, so it was unsurprising that both my 2.4 n 5k standard dropped back to
the pre training days haha. So stayed on as a reserve, which means I get to train and stay out and everything but need not
compete :D, which turns out to be a better deal lol. Hopefully can pick up enough stamina again for the Macritchie x-country,
which means again more stay out ^^
Was at the MacDonalds counter, and being a little tonguetied, with the two sides of the brain having a mini-argument as to
use Chinese or English, I stumbled over my order of a packet of large fries.
Guy@Counter: -raises eyebrow- Excuse me, but sir, a large Fly?
Thankfully he did not say it, or I might just have ran away squirming in embarrassment -_-
Was about to meet Lemon and Chris for dinner at AMK (28/05), had to take a feeder bus out from my home to hop onto 74, so I
thought, what the heck, wore running attire and ran out to the bus stop at Hougang. All was fine, at least until they told me
they're going to go pooling; then it occurred to me I'm wearing the most ridiculous outfit to go pool -_-
The sandy beaches, I realised, has a particularly nice exfoliative effect on my rough and flaky feet.
Went to Sentosa again last Sunday, and stayed over with the blessings of Vesak day granting us a holiday. It was kinda
ironic, that on a bright sunny Sunday, a bunch of us will troop over to the outdoors beach, with soft drinks and sunblock and
ground sheets, only to hide under the shade, and play cards; bridge in this case. Attracted the attention of some other guy
who kept looking on to our game; maybe he was interested in joining us heh :p
With the last vestige of sunrays hidden by the clouds, we finally emerged (this link does not mean we've been avoiding the
sun; two non causal events: the clouds blocked the sun, we went to play ball -nods-) Blew up a little Qoo! beach ball, just
ended up hitting the ball around in a circle, got bored so we decided to add some complicating elements into it, such as
counting up, counting in multiples, avoiding 7s, etc, until it got so tiring.
Then we buried the ball.
Then we dug it out.
For unknown reasons haha. Then we decided to go nearer to the western coast to see the sun set, and take photos. Ended up
taking quite a bit. I still can't figure out how to take moon shots with my camera heheh.
A marriage took place nearby, at Rasa Sentosa. Pastor: "Does anyone has anything to say?" Us: "WO FAN DUI!!!" -scoots off-
Can you see I'm in a rush? I've half an hour left :S
Then we went to play ball with the net. Highly irregular movements made by the air filled ball. Wished it was heavier.
Went to play pool at Rasa Sentosa. A game involving much participation, being $2 per table, and 1 person playing, while the
other 3 each block 2 holes :D Played all the way till 1+ am lol, NY then joined us after his lend-a-ear session to his
friends.
Had a night snack at 7-11, took milk myself since I'm not that hungry and my jaws are lazy, didn't get to make the mash
potatoes as they threw their empty noodle containers away while I was hesistating on what to buy.
Oh, and mash potatoes in outfield turned out really well :) Filled it with a bit of water, boiled it, dumped the package in,
then fluffed it up while heating away excess water. Yum!
Then retreated to the southernmost point of SE Asia haha, where we koped a corner in the shelter, and talked about all sorts
of stuff until around 6, where we then slept for another 2 hours.
I had fun, trying to sign my name on a photo with a torch light, using a camera with long exposure.
I suddenly realised that I've not blogged using my keyboard for probably months. You know, my past entries were always done
on phone while I'm on my way to camp? :)
MY CHOCOLATES HAD MOULD GROWING ON IT!! :( Boohoo. Had to throw them into the bin. And I realised it expired 2 months ago ^^
Comp's getting wonky, with lots of IO going on that appears to be going nowhere. And my modem just died, which most likely
means my comp's gonna reboot soon! -panic-
In an aggressive pre-emptive strike, I rebooted the computer first.
I suddenly realised that I've not blogged using my keyboard for probably months.
And I'm glad that, when a loud bang/boom/blam occurs, I can stick my head out of the window and try to figure out what
happened in curiousity, rather than duck and prone flat on the ground in panic.
Shall get the photos up, print out some code to debug, then off to camp I must be. Dang. I put off backuping my files again!
Procrastination will make me a very sad person someday. But it's ok, I shall trust my computer, and think happy thoughts at
it.
Oh and me and buddies Kenneth and Kaihong went on a crazy night outing (21/05), where we crashed City Link and got locked in (foto taken while waiting for security guard to arrive), then crashed Oriental but was found and had our particulars copied for security reasons lol. Took a long detour to Esplanade, to Gluttons bay, then to kenneth's house.
And the realistic laser war simulation was so realistic, I died in all three missions -_- So ended up sleeping quite a bit! A positive thing! :)
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 09:30 p.m.
Chasing time on Sunday, May 15, 2005...
My current entry has met the grim reaper twice already, in of course two different incarnations. One bit the electronic dust after a cut and paste operation gone horribly wrong, while the other met its demise as collateral when two applications vied for control of the memory card, where one lost and crash burned, along with the floating words yet to be anchored to a file.
So I guess I shall be brief, and attempt to be concise.
I took an afternoon nap and got swept into dreamland, where I experienced the simple joys of life, of smiles, of unspoken words, and intriguingly, food~ lunch, in this case. The upcoming outfield is already making me dream of food lol, where I probably will attempt to make mash potatoes from its powder equivalent... but that's probably another story. A place so familiar, so imbued with memories from young and past, and further infused with the current equivalent scenes, resulting in a patchwork of past and present, hauntingly familiar and yet so unreal.
primary sch chalet turned out to be quite successful, with nearly half of class turning up, and even our retired HCL teacher. Bbq, photos, xbox, teevee, and of course, reminiscing the past. Photos! -->
Last outfield. It'd be fun i guess, with that laser quest ongoing haha. Away from civilisation for 4 days, phone probably coming along. Can see i'm sick of rewriting the same things over and over again. Heh :p
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 10:30 p.m.
Chasing time on Monday, May 9, 2005...
Freedom, like choice, is not just about having more or less of it, but rather whether you can maintain the delicate balance with their respective counterparts. (They are also all an illusion, but that's a story for another day). Conservation decrees that whatever you get, you have to make up in one other way or another, hence with freedom and choice comes more responsibility, to tip the scales back centre. Is it not so?
So why should being slapped with a libel suit, ever constitute a violation of freedom? Ain't it not just another manifestation of that very freedom we all enjoy? You are free to make remarks, and if you don't make your complains substantiated and logical, the receiving party has a right, and freedom, to cry foul and challenge your assertions.
Perhaps it all just harkens back to the past, where dissenting views of the opposition are silenced with the unassailable suits that the government wield. Perhaps such a repeat brings back negative associations with such past events. Let's just hope, should the day ever come when the ruling party is overrun with corrupting elements, we can and will still fight back on a even playing field, in both courtroom and elections. Who will guard the guards?
As for the other scholar who posted off-colour (ahem) remarks, yet password protected them... let's just say feeling so one way in private, yet knowing and respecting the rights of others, and acting in a socially acceptable manner... Ain't it a sign of a mature and responsible mind? We all have our dark impulses; only too human, we are, with xenophobia and the darker (as each society defines) instincts all part of our genetic make up and heritage; why not applaud the way he carries himself with restraint, respect and adherence to acceptable social behaviour, for even his friends of other races have found his internal thoughts completely unlike his external manifestation? Hmm. The whistle blower, on the other hand, had infringed on his privacy in his secured domain, tantamount to breach of trust and respect, like breaking another's lock (however weak, it is still a lock) to read their diary. I would personally want to trace and break into that lady's (think so) computer, then unleash her secrets onto public domain (a societal evolution, however "dark" - the want to punish negative elements in a group with instinctive force and intrinsic power that one may possess), and I can. BUT, will I do it? ^_- That's the difference, ain't it not.
Becoming more lazy nowadays, used to remember the days where I'd be spending my weekend preparing materials to read up and learn in camp, sometimes even during outfield, fighting against time and sleep to clinch extra minutes to achieve more. And now afternoon naps, early to be and late to rise... Sigh. Need more control, 'I' feels fragmented, central controls still unable to sync and work towards a common goal and consensus. Ideas flooding in; yet still procrastinates ~ sometimes only in harsh conditions can one be forced to work ~ and sometimes having more time means less.
Went to the guitar soiree on saturday. School's the last place where my life has been willingly centred on and set in motion about, where I've picked up and left memories scattered, a place where I did learn to enjoy to be in, one that I've cherished, and one that I still do. So I guess it's pretty understandable, the gentle attraction of the alma mater tugging you back whenever possible - like spirits, not belonging yet unwilling to leave ~ i joked, hiding the touch of sadness, that one day, the juniors will look back at the photos, and to some, find astonishment that some unfamiliar faces - wait, familiar, but... - always appear in the corners of the photo, smiling benignly. And hence the story of the school spirits. ~ Familiar, yet unfamiliar. Happiness spillover of the distilled brew of past memories, where time has gently filtered off the pain, and fading the memories, to the point when you feel comfortable and at ease and all, yet not knowing what in particular contributed to it. Well, nothing in particular, just the magic mash of memories meshing into our perceptions of the school, perhaps. Looking at the juniors, I realised what I missed most, what i've been trying to do to attempt regain it - to belong somewhere... special. Miss the magic...
I look behind too much, eh :) No point anticipating how great the future will be (for I sometimes see only more worries and troubles), and just enjoy and appreciate the wistful past and carefree now. Unwilling to step out of comfort zone. Hopes something forces me out. Hopes even more that something is ... me.
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 01:18 a.m.
Chasing time on Monday, May 2, 2005...
Long week, it has been :S spent early week preparing for standby duties, and midweek involved in atec stage 1 drills, sort of like a test; did the gpmg and section drills on both days and hence had to put on camouflage cream on these days, ugh! Friday was spent readying the vehicles for the outfield next week, finalising the mounting of laser sensors on the vehicles and configuring them, really just like one major laser quest :p each type of projectile does certain damage, and e vehicles have levels of armour including total energy, minimal penetration energy, random damage effects, etc... Booked out late as a result; reached home nearly past 11pm.
quite a activity packed weekend; went to sch to see e juniors practice for next week's syf, with the co ppl, then went pooling with them at beauty world before going across for dinner. Went home, tried to get 6a97 page up but got distracted easily, hmm. Slept, coded, etc, until dinner, before going off to sentosa to join e co bunch at siloso beach for overnight stay :) by e time i reached there most have left already, leaving 3, so kinda just great for bridge haha. Got bored / ran out of mood for cards, so did other stuff like talk sing play in e playground heh :p stayed up till like around 4plus, awoken occasionally by the intermitten drizzle. Settled down near 7-11 eventually at palawan beach... Breakfasted at the hawker centre next to the busstop on prata, den neled home. Had to turn down class outing mainly because needed to settle primary class page, sigh. Somehow i've spent endless weekends already doing various class pages heh, s60portal den 02portal den 04, and now 6a97, ach.
tried to make some long exposure ghosting shots haha with torch light, but felt stupid doing it next to restaurant den hm, made one only haha and it ain't v nice either hmm.
week of outfield awaits; will be bringing phone out this time though so hmm be probably more entertained :p
let it pass, or (try) make every moment count? Horrible habit of procrastination; not enough mental discipline; sigh. How to make things happen liddat? :(
last two outfields anyway. It'd be over soon, and the struggle will den begin. And though of course, on the bright side, got a ktv session to look forward to, chocolate buffet soon !!! and yet another sentosa outing ^^
...panting, staring bleakly ahead at the dust trail, and gave up at 08:46 p.m.
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