Knock knock.

A flurry of movements, annoying the mouse, dragged forcefully from his job.

Bored eyes flicker instinctively, trying to grasp the elusive ones, while seeking out several.

Mind wonders, processes and wastes several seconds. Clash of thoughts, to do lists, everything.

All in a few seconds. And the subroutine closes, passing control back to the main program.

Yep, initially wanted to finish the layout first before restarting the blog, but then I just watched a late night horror show on TV and I seriously need to derail my thoughts from that track before I can sleep in peace ^_^ Wonder why we can get so affected by all these stuff, either its me having a low fear threshold, or the spooky atmosphere you've soaked in for hours (ever noticed why those foolish ghost busters never go in broad daylight? :p), plus the lonely dark night you've to endure makes the mind go wild. Just like seeding the mind with ideas - isn't it amazing where your imagination can bring you to?

Especially in the lonely dark night, when doubts and uncertainties come nagging at you, gnawing on the end of the nerves, and keeping you awake throughout in the dark. Snuggling up to the bolster does seem comfortable and calming on the thoughts hmm.

And I wished I have more stars. It's just so _ephemeral_, those little glow-in-the-dark ones (I've got on up above on the ceiling). When I'm tired and go to bed I don't notice those little stars sending it's feeble rays down, but when the night refuses to release me into slumber it's always a comforting source of light, no matter how dim it is. Yep, dot the entire ceiling with them, preferably with a moon, rather a soothing thought, eh, stars above one's head, twinkling (somehow yeah i think it's due to my advanced myopia -_-), with a little smiling moon. Ooh how nice.

Urp. Read back? The thoughts really remind me of ramblings of little kids, and they always gently inform me of my mental age. I just can't grow up hmm, can't let go, can't forget ~ Is this perhaps the reason why I've dragged my little inner child all the way, keeping it so instead of letting it grow, bloom and blossom?

Yet the past often makes me cringes, embarassing moments, painful moves and actions, but yet there's always bits and pieces floating around that moves me and makes me wish I was young and younger again. It just seems so much more enjoyable, fun and all that. A strong sense of longing, grasping vainly at misty enveloped thoughts, tasting it's daintiness, yet never being able to experience it relive it live in it once more. It's gone ~ time has slipped past like a river, sending us down stream. We can look back and relive our adventures, but no point struggling against the currents of fate and time, when our final objectives are straight ahead.

Hmm, actually I'm waiting for my download to finish. I hope I can finish my blogging... it seems like a dam has opened lol, all the time I've not blogged has now seeded in my though processes much to think, write and imagine...

And I'm happy. But it makes me inferior slightly to think that I'm happy. Hmm, somehow those sad worried thoughtful people seemed to have experienced all that life has to offer, and there's no point being happy anymore. Yeah kinda, I'm the jealous kind who wants it all :p But hmm, oh well, if so everyone would grow sad eventually, eh? But I guess not. There's much more into this rabbit hole than one could imagine, and surprises and little blessings litter all over the place. Yep, so indeed if everyone could just leave their baggage behind, roll about on the grass and pick out the sweet smelling flowers instead of trudging down the hard harsh path, perhaps life would be more worth living eh? But no no no, that's the right path, the straight path to success, you have to go, no RUN!, be successful and you can retire old, happy and rich, with no worries.

Does the end justify the mean?

Oh well. I don't know. I've always believed in whatever means that'd justify a suitable end. I guess I'd find out one day.

But still. When I'm old and rich, would I be happy? Perhaps. Less worries, waiting for death to claim my soul then.

More worries? Money is always the root and source of trouble, evil and all things that are bad and has two legs. Haha :) Well, you can't do without it, yet with it comes along a host of associated problems.

Hmm but I wish I were still sad. Yeah. I want to be wiser, be older. But I want to be happy. Lol.

Two sides of the coin. Makes you wish the coin could stand on it's side.

---

It's just so depressing, but also what I believed and wanted. Perhaps it's just the way I'm handling it, the way that brains can split into multiple threads and all simultaneously give their response to the problem. Fear, uncertainty and all that, the desiro-phile part of me wants it, the phobic part shuns it and conjures up dozens of situations where it could be worse to make me glad.

Hmm, sadly. The result isn't good. Phobia and Philic parts seem to operate in two different parts of the brain. So do I smile or cry? Laugh or sigh?

Situation planning. Amazing how many different paths one can think of, starting from the same initial conditions? Yep. Hmm, I'm convinced that everytime I think of something different about my life, such as me finishing my homework instead of sleeping, the infinite universes out there of parallelity and complexity unfathomable by the human brain will just generate another copy and spit my situation into it. So there'd be another Junyi somewhere sleeping now, instead of typing like crazy and threatening to wake his dad up.

Whereever the Junyi is, who's able to overcome his fears and confront them, solving them instead of dodging, facing them instead of hiding ~ I wish I were you :/

So does everyone eh.

Oh well. I better get some sleep. The river of fate flows on, I'd just try to steer into a better stream at the next junction. (But how would I know which is better, until I've gone through it)

I've really crapped enough. Yay. I'd tell you more about my nice little purple blue black toe next time :)

"Ouch~ (12 second scream)! The chair wasn't supposed to be there! "

Indeed. You can't be too sure, especially when stumbling around in the dark, even in the comfort of your own home.

Right. Not too good a post to commemorate the end of a 9 day break eh? Hmm. Rather, a post to start another 9 day break. Hoho.

Just woke up, having slept a total of 14 hours since yesterday midnight. Didn't sleep on Friday night, as was too engrossed in a mind-boggling game of mahjong, and finally succumbed to the dream monster only minutes before the shy red sun peeked up across the horizon, sending it's rays drifting through the windows, a gentle reminder that it's high time I slept. Especially when I have to wake up an hour later, to go to school for some PEARLS enrichment points enthusiastic participation in the school activities.

Yep, after Maths S, we left for dinner, which comprised of a family meal at KFC. Of course as usual, we suffered from the gross capitalism of the fast food chain, and fell prey to the deceiving picture of a perfect meal painted with deliberate strokes to accentuate the servings to the starving mind (mind and body are one, no?). Advertisings, ho. No complains were filed to the CASE, though there's a deliberate misrepresentation of the actual serving sizes to those tiny words, lost in the splotches of deep red, reclused in the fine print. Oh. Heard CASE collapsed? Whoops.

Anyway, knowing that our stomaches are still hungry for more, we trooped to the nearby supermarket, and bought 2 loafs of bread, which by simple arithmetic on the numbers on the pack, amounted to 1.2 kg of raised flour. Oh yes, perhaps I forgot to mention that the KFC also included a jar of jam in it's package, sending a not-so-subtle signal that it's meals require your active participation in the form of purchasing bread for complete satisfaction.

Then bus-ed our way to David's house, who have kindly allowed us to borrow his mahjong set, though it was not without much threats gentle persuasion and begging. Then walked all the way back to Sookfen's house, where we began our match in earnest... for a while. Distracted by the computer, where we spent some time chatting, as in, really all four snatching the keyboard from each other in the chat room, sending endless lines of spam into the channel, and met with much disapproval from it's other sitting inhabitants. Played cards too, and gambled with the chips we've won, or lost, in the mahjong game. A cautious man by nature, I didn't try to win, but attempted to minimise my losses, with a stark contrast sitting by my side, who's practically buying hope by tossing chip after chip onto the table of wishes, and not to mention, lost every single one of them. Then a silly game of some kind of poker ended up me drinking half a bowl of water, which of course led to much derision against the promulgator of such games of the kind of masochistic lives he and his friends lead, but of course, I played the game, I know the rules, and that bowl of water still has to go down the throat.

Continued for a little while more, before one by one my friends fell asleep. Was kept awake for a little while more by the soothing strains of my audio mp3 disc, but eventually sleep claimed me... to be woken up 10 minutes later by the shrill notes of the alarm. Distinctively remembered Lennon's struggle with the alarm monster, with many attempts to stop it, but failed to. According to our sleepy Chris, he didn't even hear any sound from the alarm clock. Oh, I suddenly recall that 'Dad' tried to wake us up by turning on the lights and switching off the air-conditioning.

Needless to say, the alarm clock failed to imbue any of it's enthusiasm in ringing into our lives, and we fell asleep again. By chance or miracle, I woke up at 7.10, and nearly hit the ceiling in shock. Though somehow, the image of the two burnt out students sleeping peacefully, curled up on the floor, didn't really allow me to shout at them to rouse them from their slumber, and I spent the next 10 minutes, making some noise, generally thinking of ways to wake them up gently. Rather late now, we broke fast by finishing up most of the jam and bread left, and hopped onto the bus headed for school.

After the programming course where I helped out at, we headed for lunch, only to run into the welcome arms of the thunderstorm which has besieged much of Bukit Timah. Suddenly had the urge to run around in the rain, so I changed, and essentially ran around the school to the CHS field, all in the rain, before heading back to the school for a bath.

Spent the next two hours programming, which was supposed to be spent doing homework. Lonely dinner, with the class supposed to meet up earlier.

The performance at Talent time was really wonderful! Songs serenading you to sleep, but tugging at you refusing to release you to dreamland, while others gave an energetic display of vocal talents, keeping one on the edge of the seat. Performances of high caliber, especially the item dance with basketballs, really deserved the high accolades it received. And I'm still amazed how CO got 2nd, though I'm mightily glad, lol.

Went home, bathed, and plopped onto the bed. Stared into the ceiling, thought "Nice sta...."

And it's morning, sunlight streaming in, birds chirping, mom screaming. Ah.

Indeed, men for the sake of getting a living forget to live.

Sigh. How true~

Pushing flag day cans in front of others now seem rather trivial compared to having to deliver your salesman pitch to the receiver. For one, they're often quite happy to get away with it for just a few cents, and an immunity sticker which proudly blares to the rest to stay away. For another, not many would like to hear you go on and on about the entire concept and event behind this little ticket. And the donation has to be multiples of 1 dollar.

But oh well. Had a relatively short day on Friday, as there's no maths S on that day, and wanted to go out for dinner or something. No juniors came back that day to join us, much unlike last year where at least half the class returned. Went to PS, ate at KFC and ended up buying drinks and sitting at delifrance until 9.30, crapping and playing games. For a moment we were seven again.

After CIP on saturday, went for dinner at Scotts (?) food court, and to borders next, after YC's recommendation about reading the book "Bible Code II". Much apocalyptical prophecies, though very interesting and engaging, and still not exactly convinced after read it. Like what Chris said, if he was truly convinced he would have be running around panicking. Well, guess I'd die a skeptic then, if predictions for a nuclear holocaust in 2006 is to be true :P If not. Well. I'd die eventually someday anyway :)