Ooh. The O level results are to be released soon, to all those receiving your results soon, all the best to ya :)

Cross country was really a killer, ran 4.8 km, can't stop, even when your legs cannot seem to run anymore, when your lungs just seem unable to supply enough oxygen to your body, when you just want to stop and rest... It's really just your mind that's left to prevent you from stumbling and stopping, to push you to move that extra mile (literally). Recited power 2 tables, calculated simultaneous equations, and of course most importantly, always believing that I can complete the route without stopping to catch my breath. Hmm. Glad that we were able to make it (well I didn't die), and the 4 of us even managed to clinch the 6th place (haha) in the interclass competitive race.

Watched Catch Me If You Can after the run. The attempts by several to sneak into the theatre was foiled when they meticulously counted every single ticket and head. Immensely enjoyable, glad that we chose this over FD2.

It just feels funny nowadays at class... well, can't really place a finger on it, but it's just weird. Ah well. Hmm at least we still get to keep our existing class benches.

i only wish to enter, and if need be so, step back out ... elegantly

(Grr yeah yeah I just wish to kill myself over and over by not getting enough sleep k?? Can't you all just stop telling me to go and ZzZ and sleep yourself!)

Yeah. I'm a bad boy. So sue me.

My radio is freaky. Yep. It requires my constant presence to play properly, and once I leave it's proximity static sets in and threatens to overwhelm the radio. Even putting my palm onto it seem to 'reassure' it, removing much of the static. Concept of human-machine interactions suddenly seem to surface to this problem :p

Sigh~

Myself, always liked clowning around a bit. It seemed to me that I'm somehow like the sort of person destined to try make others laugh, make a fool of myself, and am actually happy because I can be so ~ yet the kind to be perpetually depressed at having to have to become so, just so I could hide all my weaknesses, my anger, and all things not-so sugary and sweet. It's just like a defense mechanism, whenever I feel vulnerable and not in place, I wouldn't be myself - I'm just be hiding within myself, puppeting myself from within. Perhaps like making myself blur, unknowing, naive, clownish yes, so people wouldn't see the bad and conniving person within me, no? Don a red nose, and the joker suit. At least people actually laugh at you because you're funny, and not because of other less palatable reasons.

I so wanted to hide all those terrible thoughts that brew in me. The stew of emotions and thoughts, bubbling and sizzling, distilled gradually from all negative thoughts and feelings sinking to the bottom of the cauldron. Facing them, no, but hide them somewhere untouchable, unseeable, so I wouldn't be reminded of them ~ but still they're in the broth, part of the mental soup, and occasionally they just have to flood out. (I can't help it, I daren't face it) Like being so mean nowadays, and being a grumpy ol' fella hmph. Inflated egos and all that, wish I was naive, ignorant, and happily carefree as before - rather an unknowing happy victim than a hurt one, eh.

Tragic clown eh. If I were to be a clown, how true it would be.
(But it is already so, isn't it?)

It wasn't supposed to be a decision, but one nonetheless, throwing the dices of fate against each other, and now the option only belonging to one. Perhaps the decision didn't come hard, only the implementation. (Convincing oneself just requires conviction, eh)

Hmm. Wonder how much time I've wasted used on blogging in this one year.

And it makes me fear if I would somehow turn out like him. For would I ever know if I'm really hated, for some points about me that I never thought is bad? At least it makes me conscious about several points that I really wish to change about myself.

After quite a crazy week out, with literally me arriving home every day past 10pm, finally left with some time to do a little work. And I just have to get a guitar, which means my afternoon was gone, haha :) Oh yes, it's the bloggiversary of this blog! Hehe. Well actually it's on the 13th, but then I forgot to post :P

Not very inspired to write anything now, with a chemistry tutorial facing me on the desk. Argh.

Sometimes isn't it better to notice what's not meant for us to see? A mere blink, less than the time needed for the image and implications to burn in home. Perhaps we all think too much about things that should be left the way it is, covered (for it's so, not without a reason?)

Sigh, more maths await.

Right I'm going to make full use of time and finish it all in under 5 minutes. (10.26pm)

Ooh. Perhaps its a sign that I'm living a slightly more normal life, that I've really don't have much time to blog. Yeah, perhaps just that I've grown a bit lazier. And words no longer flow. Out flows empty lines from the pen where words used to stream and ebb.


Life's mood oscilloscope, with an additional input source.
Tracing not empty lines, but now much peaks and troughs.


It's amazing, isn't it. I term it conservation of mood, that one cannot be truly happy without facing it's antithesis. After all, it's but a relative term, is it not? But would one rather face the emptiness of the eternal green line tracing on the x-axis to infinity, or rise and drop, face the uncertainties in the life, of both sorrow and joy?

Still feel like a pawn in the chess game of epic proportions, spanning minds, people and all. Perhaps it's just me untrusting, seeing other's actions as manipulative, much vulnerable, with little left to believe.

Already 12 minutes. Perhaps I do have time to blog :p

I so much wanted to record down every detail of what happens in the class. Recording of conversations, photos, details, of outings, I do want to pen them down. Keep them somewhere safe, accessible and forever. For I know everyone only cherishes the past when it's gone. But I just don't have the time, to spend time to rescue passed time.

This is going to be one long entry! :) [2203 words]

- Chia's Lecture, Monday -

Ok, since I've not blogged for over 20 days(?) I think I shall do it now, during Chia's lessons....

Erm ok. I think I stopped last last last Saturday, where the sun was high...
Watever, hmm nothing much really happened since then, other than the fact that I've had my worse illness ever since... quite a long time I guess. Never coughed so much in my live before I think, ended up with chest pains and stuff, luckily it eventually cleared up. I don't think I can stand coughing for another week -_- Well this coupled with a case of extreme laziness made me stop writing for quite a few days, haha.

Hmm I can't really recall anything that has happened in this time... lets see. Class BBQ, Fac outing, DSO CIP(?), wells. Don't really feel like writing about these yet sigh.

There's just this junior whom I feel really resemble me in many aspects, ego, stuff and all that, just that I can't stand him. Like I can't stand myself sometimes. But at least the basic difference between him and me is that at least I know what's appropriate at times, and what's not (okok sometimes! :p). Sookfen keeps telling me that I've to face him (since he's so like me), but I still dun see the need to face him or watsoever - he's really very irritating sometimes (grr). Sometimes I really wonder why I actually tried to figure out how is he like, regrets much about having adopted him in the first place. But somehow there's still this belief that he'd turn for the better ~ he does have his good sides (doesn't everyone, if only we looked hard enough)

But this is amazingly reminiscent of what happened last year. Apparently I've made his namesake rather unhappy, having done something wrong that I'm never sure what it was. A replay of events, unfolding yet before my eyes again, just this time the receiving ends have now changed. Perhaps it'd lend more insight to what I've done wrong. Perhaps I could learn what bad traits to improve on.



- Wednesday -

Ordinary wednesday by most standards, had pretty light lessons throughout the day, and the last two periods was spent listening on how to properly walk, sit and all that. Finally got about trying to work the ITS programming dept plan with the other head, and held the meeting until 3.40 for the other members, before I had to rush off for CNY rehearsal. Didn't bring my erhu, and had to rush back to the CO room to grab another, and I arrived just in time for the rehearsal, which was, well, pretty bad, perhaps it's the lack of players, or it's just that the standard of CO is dropping down the hill every year. Then skipped CO (haha!) and went to check on the banner painting and stuff, and was rather disappointed by the poor turnout rate, with only 4 members of the junior class doing the banner. Later went back to the class bench to meet the rest of the class to practice for tomorrow's the talentime performance, a little better now, but there's still much room for improvement. Unfortunately, it all ended too late, and after dinner, I wasn't able to go to my friend's house to kop the RI uniform ~ sigh :/


-Thursday-

Skipped yet another BHCO practice, haha, although I've already recovered from my illess, which has afflicted me for many weeks. Unfortunately, I seem to have passed on this rather virulent strain the the rest of the class, oops, much apologies haha.

School ended with us rushing off for last minute practice for the talent time. Skeptism was high that we'd not get in anyway, but it was in the name of fun. And fun it was, hehe, straining vocal cords, trying to get in the harmony, all that stuff, the late staying, dinners at KAP. Even though when we didn't get in, hehe.

Was supposed to go out for dinner after that, and waited until 6pm as everyone gathered. Took a bus to Newton, MRT to City Hall, and ended up in Marina Square. Although we wanted to go to a chinese restaurant originally, but not sure if it is halal, and ended up in kenny rogers in the end. Shared the family meal with 3 others, and actually hmm the price isn't really worth it. Then ran off, originally only to get some drinks, but also ended up browsing some stuff for angel-mortal. Was informed that they were at the food court as we were walking back, and tried to find our way there. Mortified to realise they've left my laptop and bag back at Kenny Rogers, ran all the way back, luckily it was already held in the relative safety of the assistant manager's office. Made my way back, where I tasted the worst ever ice kachang in my life. The horrible taste still lingers in the deep recesses of my mouth, urgh.

Then shifted out to play some games, Polar bear and some funny poker game. Tried to sing some songs but noone wanted to, and we all walked to River Angbao across the road. Made Jiaqi perform his forfeit by talking to some stars. Also saw my TCHSCO conductor, selling chinese orchestra instruments in a stall there, haha :) Though hmm wonder if he did recognise me :p Walked around, and didn't really take part in anything there, and luckily not many people was there yet, and was able to walk without having to squeeze.

Then the entire bunch of us tried to walk to Chinatown, before Chris and I was convinced it'd take years for us to get back to another friend's house, whom we're supposed to stay over at. Balked at the distance, even from where we are, and found out that the bus service to my friend's house has not terminated yet! Hence managed to reach there relatively early, and upon arrival Chris just plonked down on the mattress and begun to sleep. Urgh ~ spoilt the fun. Noone was supposed to sleep when they're at others house, no? :) Anyway, practiced playing the guitar a little, plotted some graphs on the computer for my friend's homework, drank some milk before surrendering to the sleep monster. Oh yes, and we borrowed his RI uniform, which his mother was already about to throw away, as we've decided to wear it to school :)

What happened in the process of waking Chris up had also a certain element of novelty. Woke up at 6am to the alarm bells of my watch and the clock, and made my first attempt to shake him awake, where I got an unintelligible reply in the form of mumbles. Watching him sleep made me feel sleepier, and fell back to dreamland, waking up 15 mins later to shake him a little more. Succumbed to sleep again while trying to wake him, and woke at 6.50am to wave goodbye to my friend's mother who was about to go to work. Slept again not too long after that, and my friend received a phone call from his mother checking whether we are asleep. Tried to create a state of awakeness by making loads of noise, then shaked Chris a bit more. Couldn't even make him stand up, and decided to have a little breakfast first. The rain was about to start then, and the cold wind combined with the morning chills really brought shivers into my bones. Chattering, made one last ditch attempt to rouse Chris, who didn't even respond at all, before putting on my jacket and slept, ignoring possibilties of missing a few hours of school.

Woke up at 8am, and started to panic. Nearly murdered Chris trying to get him off the comfy bed, who then took his time to bath, and even found time to wash his face and gel his hair, as I paced around the room anxiously, at the same time looking for his glasses. Finally set off at around 8.40, where we walked to the bus stop and started chasing 67s, got onto one and sat a relatively short journey to school, where we reached at 9.20. Great that we actually missed the performances, for the short rain forced everything to be held in the auditorium instead. Stayed outside and practiced somemore on the guitar, now learning my second song, hehe. About in time for the street stalls, and as our juniors prepared to set up their stalls we took lots of photos, most of us not wearing our school uniform, and very much fun :) Then joined the rest of the school outside the auditorium, where classes pitched their voices and wares against others, while trying to convince potential buyers that their food is tasty and wonderful. Bought satays, having understood the plight of satay sellers last year when we sold the same, pizzas as they looked too tempting!, a cup of grass jelly, being cheated out of when my friend asked me to lend him a buck... and sold me the drink. Was then forced to buy a pack of popcorn by a highly enthusiastic, desperate and hyperactive person, who jumped about begging me to buy it. Hmph. I just couldn't turn him down, with him trying so hard, and bought it in the end. Urp, another dollar down the drain.

Returned to the class bench, and waited for the mass dances to begin. Took more photos, played more guitar until the dances begun, along with the rain. Luckily the burning fires of enthusiasm couldn't be dampened by the cold unfeeling rain, and the dances went on, despite the rain that continuously threatened to become heavier. Had to persuade my usual dance partner before I could get her to dance, in exchange for my school badge to hold her skirt up, which I think she said was too loose, lol. Anyway, continued to (try) dance all the faculty dances, even after the mass dances. S2's was ok, quite fun, S3's was rather complicated and cheem, when it was S6's turn we ran to the front haha to somewhat lead the crowd behind us, but I liked S7's dance the most! I like fun dances, those that aren't too difficult, but fits the song perfectly, and with the mood of the dance leaning towards the happy kind. Didn't really notice the rain, until it ended, and was rather drenched - went to the toilet and spent the next few minutes drying my clothes under the dryer.

Then went with the remaining juniors, with my class, to KAP for lunch. Tried the extra spicy chicken, which was really very nice, and a challenge to the taste buds. It was followed by games outside Macdonalds, where we played games like poker, Hello Sally, murderer and polar bear. Wanted to go actually after the games ended, but the rain hasn't stopped, and I suggested staying back until the rain ends. Supposed to do some work, but ended up singing songs played from my laptop, finger games, and all that, until 5.30, well past the time when the rain stopped. The rain just had to start again as I waited at the bus stop for my bus, and spent 1 hour in total waiting for the appropriate combination of buses that'd bring me home with minimal exposure to the rain. Reached home just in time for the reunion dinner, which was held at my uncle's house, 1 storey below mine. Ran home to use the toilet, returning to lao yu sheng, and carried some food back home. Had nothing to do there, decided not to return, and promptly fell asleep on my bed.

Woke up at 9 the next day. Spent the entire morning doing nothing, and when afternoon came, the guests all arrived. Spent some time teaching my cousin the erhu, let them fool around with the computer, talked to another cousin who just entered NJC - though still don't really understand why she didn't choose HCJC, hmph. Heard their ratio over there is 2:1, which is much worse than ours, currently standing at around 1.5 to 1. Also found out the class naming convention, where there aren't any faculties, just classes numbered from 01 to 40+. Left, and I slept some more. Piggiest days around, haha.

Extraordinarly crappy mood, and went online, and told 11 people a cheery happy new year... got inundated with return messages, which completely took up all my time to reply, and only subsided after nearly an hour. Chatted with an ex class mate who went to canada, ooo it's snowing there! Heard they could take as many subjects as they want there, hmm. Then went to the chat room to crap some more, hmm realised the potential for flash and php in blogging, that'd be my next big project! :)

Haha, spent nearly 40 mins typing all these. 8779 characters, haha. Would have typed more, if the laptop wasn't blinking at 10%, threatening to shut me off.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR ! :) Feeling hyper nowadays, haha :)