Ooh. Last day of the year. I'd be writing something. If I would just stop coughing for some time. Hrmph. >_<

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons

(quote)"maybe they are not as happy as they seem anyway?"(/quote)

Thanks intrigued for "cherry-ing" me up! i'd get u a lemon hooch someday! wahahah.
And earthroamer. thank you too! hehe :)

Oh yes. In case anyone's wondering... No theres no one in mind for the entry below! haha :P *bonk wex :)* Just thought it sound ... nice-ish. Hehe.

Sigh. Little urge to do anything but to sleep. And sleep I did, I've clocked nearly 14 hours of sleep today. Urgh. How am I ever going to re-adjust when school reopens?

Hmm. How come my memories of certain moments in the past has this strange twang to it? It seems to be overflowing with sensory illusions, like this strange misty place with a odourless ground-hugging smog - no wait, vapour, and there's just this feeling of expectation, that crosses the borders of time. Yes, yes, I can feel it, I always remember how it feels, clammy fingers, cold palms, the strange churning within your stomach, as I lie on bed, hugging my pillow close, dreaming, while I think of the past. Always the past, of course, there's this weird filament that threads together the thoughts where feelings were once the same, the strange resonance that leads one back to a time when you felt it. Deja vu, eh.

Sigh. I don't do justice to words. But I do feel a little better letting words flow out of me.

Have you ever felt afraid of silence and loving it at the same time.

I'd love to take a walk in the rain
Green fields rolling beneath my feet
Wet soil squishing, waters splashing
Walk with me in the rain... would you
We'd watch the rainbows after the rain
I promise. Sunshine, yes. After the rain.

- "hi!!! how's your day???"
- "hehe hi! :) my day was terrible! :) hows yours?"

No prize for guessing who's me :P

But sunshine can't penetrate the darkest storm clouds, can't it not?...
Oh yes it can, dearie. No clouds last forever, no rain pours on to eternity.
But wouldn't the sun set eventually? It's lost charm and brilliance, to void and emptiness?...
The moon will rise in its place, and darkness replaced by the subtlety of the shimmering night sky.

Northern Lights. Aurora Borealis. May it light up your downcast skies.

Watched LOTR:TTT today! :) It's like wow, first few minutes into the show the panoramic view of Middle Earth already takes your breath away. And the battle scenes are really very special! I've always wondered how a siege really goes, you know, the ladders, rams and stuff? :) Certainly answered lots of my questions, hehe. But then again, I certainly wouldn't be watching it again, firstly because of $$$ reasons, and erm I don't feel the need to. Haha.

Ate at Marche next, hmm although the price of the food there is sky-high, but it's really quite nice :) Hehe, I've tasted worse for $11.

Was kept busy on ICQ for nearly 2 hours. Wow hehe! :) At least it's better than silence, eh.

My head seems a little heavy... Is this the hangover they're talking about? :P

Hehe, amusing. Watch NORAD track santa as he passes the midnight sky!

Merry Christmas! :)

I don't feel awake. Even after this 18 hours of sleep to make up for 2 - no make that 3 - nights. I don't even feel right, body parts feel a bit detached, and so are the cogs and wheels in my mind.

Hmm anyway. Star Wars Ep1 seem to be greatly in demand by p2p users on the net, everyone's trying to download that from me.

Wells. Finally back from the HCCO chalet! Now I can have clean bathrooms for a change! ^_^

After I've finished typing my entry on my laptop, YH asked me to go walk with him and find somewhere else to sit down. And since everyone is already asleep, and having no space nor intention to sleep, we went out and sought the place we sat yesterday night to sit. Walked around quite a bit, and just before sitting we noticed that the food court is open, and entered it. OMG that small cup of tea cost $1? >Bleep<

Anyway. The initial surprise yesterday has given way to shock, and sadness at why did he ever make himself fall into this inescapable pit. Stealing is already bad enough, so oh why oh why did you steal things from friends you've known for 5 years? Not once but thrice you've taken what never belonged to you, a total of three erhus. Just as a mere joke, or for petty revenge because they've said something bad about you? Even you can't make up your mind why did you steal. I've known you for 5 years too, and luckily I've never been close to you, only civil ~ it'd have hit home much harder otherwise.

YY then joined us for breakfast, apparently another early waker, perhaps she did sleep early the previous night. And nearly the next three hours we just talked a lot, and only then did we notice how much we've talked about, from career to education to genetics to philosophy and so on.

Bathed, and went to BK for lunch. Then went for my first bowling session ever with the rest of the CO. I've always not really dared to take the ball and bowl, because I'm afraid of not hitting. Ego, haha.

By some kind of miracle most of the balls went straight, and I scored 94 in the first game of my life and exactly half (47) of that in the second. Haha, perhaps luck has doubled my score for my first game. But my wrist, already injured from yesterday's exertion by fanning at the bbq pit, now seems even more damaged. Oops.

Then went to the beach next, where we played all kinds of silly games like catching in the Maze, which isn't really a good maze, and tossed the ball around. Assaulted heavily by unseen creatures who apparently aren't mosquitoes but small little insects that make your legs itch like crazy, and were forced to relocate ourselves.

Ended up further down the beach, whee some settled down to play cards, and others tossing frisbees and beach balls around. Also had a water (seawater, urgh) war, which I wisely stayed out from, preferring to revise my geography with several others. Haha, actually not really revising. There's this pipe that steadily feeds a stream of not-so-clean water into the beach, and the water has already eroded a tiny but deep gully. We dammed it, and watched its erosional processes, creating the eddies, rapids, levees, waterfalls and some other features I've already forgotten how they're called.. Haha. Really very intriguing, how the water work its wonders on the surroundings. Though unfortunately we weren't able to regulate it's flow, and the heavy flow (relative to the size of the tinnny ditch we've carved from the soil) caused it to overflow it's low banks and flood, and we weren't able to make any meanders, nor create an oxbox lake from a man-made meander.

Returned to play cards, where some went to bath, while others just lazed around eating, drinking, watching tv and playing. Bridge-d most of the time, and was tempted to actually rent a mahjong set, only to be put off by the excessive price. $25 just for rent? Got bored, and broke all the chocolate bars into pieces, which I distributed at regular intervals.

Went out for dinner at around 9.20pm, where we stayed until around 10.10pm. Hmm, I always thought I don't like onion rings, but today they still taste decent. Decided not to stay in the chalet, for we'd fall asleep too soon, and bought much stuff at Cheers, and took most of the chips that are left behind in the chalet. Found some outdoor place with tables and chairs, but heaven obviously didn't think much of our plans and sent the rain down again. Ah well. It's December, but it did really seem to be raining a bit too much.

Went to some place similar to a void deck, and had our "picnic" there. I then realised they actually bought alcohol, and our age weren't even checked! Heh. Well, had I think slightly more than a cup in total, but each small serving was heavily diluted by the cheaper non-alcoholic version. Hmm though I wasn't really much affected by the drinks, perhaps it's because I've diluted it too much, haha. And erm, makes me wonder why people drink the alcoholic drinks, for other than making me a little sleepier, I don't feel anything else, and it's not like they're very nice either.

Returned to the chalet at around 2~3am, after we tried to finish all the chocolate and food we've brought out and opened. Never ate so much chocolate within a short span of a day before, so much so that for the first time I wasn't tempted by the sight of chocolates. We then continued with some other games that require one to pick out and establish certain patterns from our actions and understand how we've been tricked. Finally decided to sleep at 4am, and I pity the fate of sardines (if they were ever alive enough to know), for squeezing 5 people onto a bed, and having to sleep side ways, wasn't at all comfortable.

Woke up in the morning at 9, to a chocolate breakfast, bread with chocolate spread and chocolates. Haha. Well we had to clear the food anyway. Lazed around, everyone too tired to do anything else but to watch TV and rest until it's about time to check out. We then went off home after that.

Spent the night talking to two insomniacs until around 4am, heh :) Good thing I had around 14 hours of sleep the previous day, so it wasn't too bad when I had to wake up at nearly 10am the same day. Was supposed to leave for Downtown East at around 11am, but kh told me that I'm not supposed to be there that early yet. Managed to have enough time to pack and do all the stuff before leaving for the chalet, after lunch.

Arrived there lugging my laptop again. Heh, it has almost become an indisposable part of me, allowing me to work on my project, listen to songs and blog with it. Anyway, reached there at around 2pm, where the rest were not really there yet. Checked in, and actually didn't do much in the afternoon, other than just playing card games until it's time for the barbeque.

With the sporadic rain, found it quite hard to decide when to start the fire, but eventually finally got about doing it. Unfortunately, we ended up with a case of charcoal refusing to burn properly, and hence really spent quite a lot of time trying to get some fire started. So much time that I actually felt hungry, while trying to set up the second pit, but not for long after the fire started. Heh, very amusing to see the people next door start their bbq later but ended up packing early. Well, perhaps it's just that we've got more mouths to feed. Or our inadequancies in starting a fire?

Well. Didn't eat much, but then I ain't really that hungry. Really felt like there's little to do other than cards, and ended up being obsessed with one of the dying charcoal fires. Spent quite some time adding more charcoal, fanning and blowing until the fires came back again. Continued doing so without bbq-ing, just to watch the flames rise and consume the charcoal, and then add more again. Was abruptly halted when they started to cook some of the food on that pit, and my excessive zeal in fanning seem to have brought up too much ash from the pit itself into the food. My service was temporarily suspended :P

But soon after they left, and I had the pit to myself again. Didn't know it's so satisfying to keep the flame going, adding new charcoal to the ones burnt, and fanning/blowing (with my breath ^_-) it to keep the fresh suupply of air in, keeping the fires blazing. Well, and it gave an odd sense of achievement watching my fire I've built fight against the drizzle, and did not extinguish even though the rain has fallen on it continuously.

Hmm, so when the bbq ended, we went for a pool session. Was already around midnight when we entered, I guess, and we played until around 1.30, with me ended the game by knocking my last three balls in with rapid succession, but unfortunately still lost due to a fluke, as the cue ball also bounced around and entered the hole. Sigh. But certainly it was one of my best shots, the whole process ended in less than 30 seconds.

Sat down and played a silly truth game, where we were supposed to answer questions to ordinarily awkward questions. Though to me there wasn't much to hide, and hence told the truth easily. Was too sleepy in the end, and revitalised myself for a while by buying a drink at Cheers. Returned to the chalet, where I thought a good night's sleep awaited me (or what's left of the night), and ended up watching the vcds they were playing, all the way until 6am. Well. Guess since there isn't much space for me to sleep, I might as well wait until when morning dawns, and with everyone awake before I try to catch some sleep.

My apologies if I've left out any correction to typographical errors, for I was typing this entries mostly with my eyes closed so as to let thoughts flow better, and a brain half-comatose.

Oh yes. Did I say somewhere that I've overused my laptop battery, and it lost 12% of it's capacity? :(

Yippie! Newscientist.com is now searchable! :)

Yep. I'm going on a chalet today! Again! Yay! Be back soon, but hmm I don't know when :P Have fun everyone!

To: CenTaD-LIT people -> Yeah, don't worry. I'm doing my part :P I brought my laptop to the chalet so I can play mp3s! woot! do my project! :)

p.s. Dun forget my christmas cards! *wink*

Perhaps I should pick up from where I last stopped. Ah yes. So after several minutes in the toilet and hoping I had a book in hand, I stepped out into the bright morning sun which was streaming in through the windows, and decided it's a good time to sleep. Searched around for some soothing music to play, while arranging the cushions on the floor to provide a conducive environment for a nap. Hmm that funny feeling of the music permeating into your body occured, and I always found it hard to describe what is it like and why it felt so ... funny?

Woke up at around 10am, after a three hour nap, and opened the door to the Dell serviceman (Remember my friend's comp was fried?). Hmm he spent quite some time fiddling around, though with much speed, by experience I guess. Managed to isolate the problem to the graphics card, and unfortunately was not able to replace it on site, and guess sf can't join us for our warcraft sessions, heh :P

As my laptop had around 17% of battery, which I presumed was enough to give me at last half hour's worth of MP3s, I was deeply shocked when the battery level indicator suddenly recalibrated and dipped to its actual value of 5%. Well, at least it was quite fun watching the battery drain away, the countdown of the watthours left in my battery, and time somehow passed more swiftly as we watched it drain slowly to zero.

Yep, somehow when I reached home, it was already 2pm. Didn't really sleep, and finally couldn't resist not reading the LOTR:TTT book in my bag, though I did try to force myself to read more slowly so perhaps it'd last longer and I'd be able to fully appreciate the book. And yep, tireness eventually caught up with this sleep-deprived person, and fell asleep while reading the book. Somehow I still recall fragments of my dream after that, which interestingly involves me extending of the story as I'd have, picking up from where my eyes closed.

Woken abruptly at 5, as I've promised to go to Sentosa with my family today to watch the music fountain and it's laser display. Realised that Sentosa is actually really small, the beaches look fake, there's absolutely nothing to do, and the cost of food there is exorbitant. Well you can't really blame them, when so few people actually have their meals there. But... ice kachang for $3? Bleagh.

Am not really tired yet, but one thing I'm sure is that I've not hit my sleep quota for today yet. So, I'd wake up late tomorrow, or oversleep on the bus, and either way I'd be late for the CenTaD meeting.

Ooh. It's 6.55 am in the morning, and I haven't slept the entire night! :) Spent the entire day out, with karaoke in the morning from 11 to 2, after which we went to a friend's house to try to fix his program, and also managed to procure a mahjong set from him. Then went to the nearby LAN shop for 1 hour of counter-strike, before setting off back to Lot 1 for dinner at pizza hut. Heh, been some time since I ate pizzas, and ate quite a lot as we've ordered a large pan pizza, which we topped with the cheese powder until it looks like a cheesecake...

(Don't know why I tend to laugh a lot while eating. And just can't stop laughing until my stomach aches and my food threatening to come the reverse way through my esophagus. Eep. I hope I don't choke one day on food, while laughing over a joke)

... Then went to Sookfen's house to play the night away. As there's only three of us there, we contacted dozens (figuratively, of course) of people and tried to get them to join us in our game. At this point an unfortunate incident occured to Chris, who was in the toilet then, involving lots of tissue paper and a choked pipe. Unable to find a plunger in her house, and ended up running all around the place looking for one. Decided that the handle to the plunger is too short, and also bought some disposable gloves for a precaution. Having caused the mess, Chris bravely volunteered to be the one to clear it, and after several curses and dirty water splashing all over the place, it was finally cleared. Again Chris demonstrated his lack of knowledge of prevention of choking of the pipes by dumping his gloves into the toilet bowl to be flushed to somewhere where it'd be less of an eye sore. Unfortunately, the over curious me was standing behind him when he decided to force his plunger, _hard_, into the hole, and forgot all about fluids displacement and newton's laws, sending the slightly murky water into the air, and onto everyone.

Anyway, I've been sidetracking into the less savoury parts. Couldn't manage to get three person, and hence ended up calling YC for help to set up a three player mahjong table. As we played we took turns to annoy Jeff to join us in our game, before he finally consented, 1 am in the morning...

(We received an SMS 10 minutes later, where a sheepish Jeff told us that his parents didn't believe that he was up to any good, rushing off so early in the morning)

... and well, he didn't turn up. Played until we got sick of the game, then continued with the cards, and realised the troubles of only having three people instead of four, for so many activities. Were about half-asleep by now, and ended up walking back to the food courts to get some supper/breakfast. Chris kept nodding off, and it did take some effort to keep him awake. Finished our supper, which consists of assorted drinks and lots of yuntun noodles, and made our way to Cheers to purchase some snacks to keep us awake.

Returned to play mahjong for a little while more, before declaring ourselves half-comatose and made for bed after clearing up the mess. Decided that since it's already almost morning, 5 am I think, no point sleeping and plugged my laptop into the cable connection, monitor and speakers... Grr. Well I forgot my charger, so I'd have to try to reduce the power expenditure by my laptop.

(Oh, did I forget to mention my friend's computer was just fried a day before by a power surge? Or that the circuit breaker was activated just moments into our entry. Boy, her house sure is scaaary. Weird noises, humanoid shadows, creaking doors... Guess a sleepy and panaroid mind makes things worse for oneself)

... And checked my mail, read the blogs, played towers, checked my ICQ (1 person on, N/A), and essentially what I'd do in a normal day at home, albeit much earlier. And sigh. Since it's already 6.30, and I'm not sleeping yet, might as well try to blog what happened today. And yep. 45 minutes later, I'm here, my laptop's battery is nearly flat, and my eyes are on the verge of closing. Yay. I think I'd try to sleep. Or perhaps visit the toilet first :P

Woke up much earlier than usual, so as to reach school in time for last minute practices with the ensemble group, which was only formed yesterday to add some additional minutes to the performance/concert. Ended up arriving much too early, and semicomatose me tried to grab some sleep at the stairway, without realising the practice room is already open.
Mainly formed with people from those who've taken part in the ensemble, like tpwccco, rjco and also me and jie from bhco! :) Decided on gaoshanzhuwuqu, and practiced that song for about two hours, then had a dry run of the entire concert. Watched the VCD for SYF three years ago as we waited for lunch.

The amount of leftovers was quite shocking, but was quite expected with only like around 30 people around? Acted as a living metronome for my friends who were trying to finish er quan for fun, but unfortunately at this point my friend let his guard down, and his erhu which he suspected was deliberately taken by others but found, was lost again and this time we couldn't find it. Sigh, that erhu cost $1200! Suspecting theft, but there's little we can do. This isn't the first time it happened either.

Well. A grand total of 16 turned up for the concert, hmm at least on the bright side there are actually people who bothered to come :P

Some stayed back after the the prize presentation ceremony, and watched jay chou's MTV vcd and Lilo&Stitch, which was broadcasted through the projector by the computer. Hmm well. It's the end of the camp. And I forgot to say my goodbyes to my friends too, ack.

Day two of InterJC CO interaction. The already bad attendance got worse, and the entire day quite thoroughly bored almost everyone, I guess. Started off the day with a three hour practice with just two songs, which was supposed to be used for tommorrow's concert. However, almost everyone from other schools present will not be available tomorrow, or just not coming. Those who can play were bored, those who cannot are also not willing to learn either. But Ningyi kindly taught me parts of Hong Mei Sui Xiang, hehe, that kept me from falling asleep on the spot.

Went for lunch after that, which was not as nice as yesterdays', and went to Coro in search of the FIRST magazine for jie. Returned to school, only to spent nearly the next half hour waiting by the leftovers and the equipment waiting for the caterer to return and remove them. Didn't exactly want to go back to the forum, which would be lasting for another 1 1/2 hours, and hence joined those in Coronation. Bought a pineapple (I think) cooler, urgh too sweet!, I think I'd stick to milk tea next time. Waited until it's nearly over before returning to school for another 3 hours of combined practice, urgh.

Hmm wonder why I'm getting so easily tired nowadays, haha especially after lunch! Perhaps I've been sleeping too much nowadays... Sigh. Still no progress on my homework. Project is soon to be due too! Argh! :(

InterJC CO interaction was held today. As usual, I woke up only after nearly 15 minutes of groaning and flopping around on the bed, and hence reached there as I usually would, aka late. And the CO is was what I expected, not yet ready. Heh, I guess it's all the people with the same mentality as mine that causes such inefficiency, eh?

People only started streaming in at around 9+, so when we were split into our groups, it was around 10, I guess? I have initially felt a little apprehensive as to how to spent 2 hours trying to break the ice, but when the group started talking, realised that it was actually quite enthusiastic, and was rather fun actually. Yay haha, so I really am affected by people around me, I might be a little quieter if they weren't so. Heh, actually enjoyed the games in the ice-breaking more than those they've planned for us. Really a nice bunch, those people...

Theme of today for me seems to be Modus Operandi, eh. Lunch was hehe yep, as usual, catered from the CHS stall, and it's quite nice too! Hmm it better be. We're going to eat from them for like the next two days?

Quite a bad streak of luck for the first bunch of games, and didn't win the first few. The group was actually quite game and willing to play, so well I guess enthusiasm isn't everything, eh. Though we managed to cut our losses and hehe won the last game! Heh. Hope we don't lose overall too badly.

The games ended up, and we were very much ahead of the schedule, unfortunately someone lost his wallet, and no matter how much searching and digging we couldn't find it, and had to search bags, trace the passage of the bags containing the belongs, etc. At the point of time where I left, they were yet to find the wallet.

God this stupid bus is dripping water on me! Sigh! To think it's an air-conditioned and enclosed bus...

And hmm. Guess I wouldn't be meeting some of my AJCO friends on Wednesday, they all have something on on that day. Sigh. Hehe, those people were really what made the group fun!

Think I'd grab some sleep, still have perhaps half an hour before I arrive at my stop? Still a little tickled by the sheer coincidence before I left the school, hmm if I haven't read the newspapers, if I was rushing to get home, if I've taken the shorter route... Heh. Almost within earshot too!

Oh yes. And fell asleep for three hours the moment I reached home, heh! :)

Haha. Ok watched Die Another Day today, with the BH people. Hmm actually it was still ok at the start, when I still thought their lines were still quite interesting... Argh! I just couldn't stand it in the end!

(SPOILER)
"I can read your every move!" - MI6

"Read this!" And this Bond girl proceeds to stab a knife embedded in a book into MI6.
(SPOILER)

URGH. And it's such a long protracted show. Kept glancing at my watch, hoping it'd end. Overdose of corn and bond girls, urgh. Aren't they supposed to be the side plot! But though the technology is quite cool! Hehe.

Hmm must go find out when does Isetan sell those Neopets merchandise...

Whee! I finally got KaZaA to work! Downloading spree now, getting MTVs and MP3s and stuff :)

(rant)
Sigh. Sorry if you actually end up reading this.
Hmm though I'm sure he wouldn't be here anyway, heh :P

Grr. It's one thing to say no and quite another to discourage, sow seeds of uncertainty & discord. Ok so I'm exaggerating, but oh my goodness it's your class, like mine and theirs! We're actually putting in the effort to get us together. Not once, not twice but thrice not only you turned them all down, but you also rebuffed our efforts! Telling us to "give up", "no way" may certainly not affect us in anyway, but it just makes us darned >insert suitable swear words< ... You can be as straightforward as you want, but this is SURELY _downright_ annoying.
(/rant)

Hmm just makes me feel so soo fake huh. Smiling, continuing on the conversation seemingly unaffected, and not flaming back on the spot. Sigh.

Anyway, mei, have a nice journey! Haha! Yi Lu Shun Feng! :)

Sigh. My graphics card gave up on me... it's just only about half years old! :( Well hmm thank goodness for default drivers, though I had to disable my Geforce card, ack. No more games? :|

And hehe. I got a meimei! Though she's only like erm 6 days younger than me? :)

Hmm. Stumbled around in the realm of blogs, and wondered about the euphoria brought forth by love. Or at least, what they think is love ~ it's quite dependant on your perspective and ideas, eh? Since happiness is one that is certainly more quantifiable than this abstract love, is it possible that love is a result of happiness, rather than the other way round? Certainly we can feel others radiating happiness, heh, but not feel their love, anyway. So perhaps this lends further strength to my developing theory that "love is distillation of all feelings and emotions, rather than being an emotion in itself", hehe! :)

Ah shrug. Too bad theories don't buy food. Wonder how those philosophers of the bygone ages survived.

Heh. Everytime it rains, it reminds me of YuZhongXing. Sigh.

Haha. I want to be a Google Researcher someday! Sounds real fun ^_^

Hmm. And I think evil Singnet blocked all the ports for KaZaA :( Can any Singnet Unlimited & KaZaA user out there connect?

Haha, having a elder brother seems to be quite a wish from many girls, eh. Hmm, well I guess wouldn't it be great to have someone elder to take care of you and be always there for you, and not nag like a parent, heh :P Hope my younger sister would appreciate having me as a brother, I'm quite a good kor wat (i think, at least) :P

Argh. As usual I'm rushing out last minute to catch the bus to S'pore Conference Hall, have this terrible habit of always pushing things and challenging *ahem* the limits of speed and luck. Am on bus 82 now, seriously hope I'd arrive on time, think I would, hopefully.

I wonder if there are any good holiday part-time jobs out there that just require one to write or debug code and the likes, hehe :)

Yay, according to the bus guide I'm probably quite near my destination already, so perhaps I'd not be late at all :) And suddenly as I'm scrolling through my files, I realised (ulp) there's still so much work to do... sigh. After these few weeks of intensive training I've almost forgotten about the real world. Well, at least perhaps there are still fun things to look ahead too, erm and the A levels in 300+ days is certainly not something I'm looking forward to :( Not to mention all the studies crashing down next year, wonder if taking S papers is really biting off more than I can chew :/

Apparently the last few stops took longer than average to be covered by the bus, so erm I did end up a little late, hehe. Erm, around 5 minutes I guess, where i met Caleb and walked into the Hall. Hmm, free seating, so perhaps we didn't get the best seats that are available, unfortunately. Wow! Haha, the erhu master is so pro! Really left my mouth gaping as I watched him perform the song. YuZhongXing performed by Cheng San just didn't seem to sound as nice as our rendition, perhaps its the way they've understood the score, but anyway it seems to sound better when you're performing it and not listening.

Had quite a filling supper after that in Lao Pa Sha, consisting of fried rice, stingray and satays, whee. Though the mood of the evening was slightly damaged when someone saw me and insisted that I join her on the way home, ack. I'd assure you all that I survived pretty well, after all, she only borrowed my shoulder, ear and messed up my hair, sigh. Heh, though it's extremely amusing to see everyone who was there on my ICQ immediately ask me whether I'm ok, all 5 of them, heh! :) Well. Ok, perhaps not all. Most were laughing too hard anyway.

Heh, was very late for co practice as usual, and as usual they have not started, giving me plenty of time to tune my strings and wait and play with other instruments. The people here seemed so ... detached compared to BH, hmm. Well, perhaps next year as the exco of ITS the first thing we ought to do should be to bond all the members together. Other things will fall in place easily, hmm.

Argh, reaching Ang Mo Kio MRT station now, where I'd have to top up my farecard, and perhaps find a place for lunch. Hope my laptop has enough battery to last until I reach home, heh :)

There's S11 in AMK too?? Wow.

Played YuZhongXing on my erhu again, even though it's already after the competition. It has almost seemed to me the most representative song of the entire competition... And suddenly I noticed I didn't play as well during the competition, seemingly having some part of the music being shackled to the score, the gongfas, because I just can't memorise it as well as the notes. And perhaps because we don't have to memorise the notes, I just have to hear/recall the music ~ and that leads to the notes. You can't hear which direction to bow from the music, don't you...

Amazing how long this song lasts, slightly above eight minutes, yet it doesn't even seem to feel that long.

And heh. Yes, perhaps I should blog more on what happened that day, hmm. Got too overwhelmed by emotions to properly log the actual events.

10/12/2002

Arrived there slightly before 9.30am, initially wanted to practice a little, but the room wasn't opened yet, so sat down to read the newspapers, and plugged the earphone into my not-so-portable mp3 player aka laptop. Suinan came not too long after that, and we opened the room, only to be called to breakfast at Mac by Shixiong. And so we left for breakfast.

And yes, hehe. I wore the shirt my class gave to me for my birthday, that hole-ly one with the pattern of a flower stitched on it. I somehow feel much less restricted with that shirt on in public, and hehe with my sunglasses addon I'm wearing a completely black attire!

Had soya bean milk for breakfast, not exactly a breakfast though, and just watched them finish their food. Strolled back for practice, which was actually supposed to start at 10.30am.

After the practice, we heard the recording of our pieces, and got seriously freaked out by the poor performance by the erhus. Well, hope for the best I guess. Ate lunch, and practiced for another hour more. The energy from the enthusiasm I've come to BH with have been overwhelmed by what we heard, and I just suddenly felt so-so-so tired. When practice ended, we just played around with our instruments, playing christmas carols, new year songs, jay chou's songs heh, etc, to destress. Youxia came with bags and bags of bread from breadtalk, but didn't eat as we just had lunch, heh, though I'm sorely tempted by the smell :) My craving for food sometimes is a direct contrast to my size...

Went there by bus, where I tried to sleep, but can't. Already feeling a little jittery, and tried to calm myself. Heh, the level of security over at the esplanade's loading bay is so strict! Had to have our passes checked, and recite our IC number before permitting us to enter. Was a little tensed up as we waited outside for our turn to perform, and tried to slow my heartbeat a little before it's our turn. Waved to all those tpwccco people as they walked by, but they did seem pretty stressed to, and not many waved back. Heard from one that they were all expecting to get first, must have been quite disappointing to get 2nd, hmm...

... Ok, let's skip what I've already blogged. From BH we went to Bugis to dine in Fish & Co, the fish and chips there is really nice! :) Resisted the temptation to join the erhu bunch at the other end, as it'd have been rather bad of me, hmm, to leave the rest behind. After dinner, which Yunfeng as kindly paid for my share, we left for another place to sit down and talk a little, ended up in burger king, where we stayed until 11pm.

I've thought I'd be relieved when it all ends. I'd never have known then how wrong I was.

Nobody knows what would be acceptable as evidence of Iraqi disarmament. Thus Iraq can be accused, whatever it does, of not complying with the UN resolution.

Oh dear.

Woohoo! We actually got third! Wahahaha!!! :) *bounces around with increased frenzy* According to my parents I kind of bounced onto the stage, when I thought I was just walking with a smile and confidence, ack. Managed to control much of my anxieties, perhaps because we've less stress?..., and yay my leg didn't shake (much) at all this time! But ack, hope I didn't overdo the tai feng this time, haha, cos I almost thought I'm going to fall off my chair at the last part of the 2nd song... Heh wouldn't that be amusing? ^_^

Why is such happiness always fleeting? A moment of felicity on the stage, and after sometimes it dies away. Yet disappointment would have lasted much longer, wouldn't it? But luckily at least when euphoria dies away, fond memories still remains with us.

Perhaps too fond then. I almost just burst out crying as I retrieved my pillow (*huggies* interestingly, it smells of the rosin i'm applying to my bow) from the cupboard to bring home, somehow this simple act seems to signify the end of my stay here... for some time. Sigh, sentimentalism is just perhaps one of my greatest weakness, the inability to let things pass and move on. I don't know how long more I'd stay, when I'd be back, but I've this feeling that it would be much different when I come back.

Times flies, doesn't it. Our conductor told us practice wouldn't resume until the end of year, and for a moment it seemed like, haha, wow that's so far away! Until we all realised it's December already. Yes, one year has just left us like that, I seriously hope I've achieved my promise to myself that I shall never again waste my time like how I've done so in secondary school. But then again, humans are never satisfied. That's how we improve, isn't it?

Woke up in the morning with my whole body aching, somehow I've flipped over to a super-awkward position and got all my muscles and tendons stiffed up, and remembered my dream. Something about the members in BH, and I thought of how they'd be like in several years time, sigh and nearly cried again. Wonder if it's normal for a guy to be so ... tearful? It doesn't seem so, ack :( But at least I've kind of mastered the art of holding it back...

And indeed, at least I feel truthful here. Why do I feel I'm living a lie? Why do I think of manipulative reasons for actions I commit? Like deference to show trust? It's as if there's two levels to my conscious cognitive thoughts, and there's one acting me, and another balking at my every actions, my moves, my thoughts, like a censorship board? For a moment I thought they've merged, for I've heard less arguments in my own head, but they seem back in full force. And I even seem to agree with the more dignity-conscious part, it feels more normal for a person of my age. For some inexplicable reason too, I believe that the other playful part of me is 15 years old :) Heh, don't worry, jie? both parts of the mind do agree to being nice to you (If I still have a chance -_-)

Heh. Dunno why. Not like I'd be leaving immediately. Not forever, either. It's not like I'd never be back, right. Silly me.

And wonder if this is a case of split personalities, rather, mental development. Thankfully I must agree both sides are rather virtuous, and wouldn't act to hurt others. But I just hate the way I do things seeming for one side, and having another voice shouting No, No, No.

"Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked."

Hmm, nice one :)

Too tired to blog much, have to sleep early for tomorrow's stupid test... Haha, didn't even really touch the SAT book since december, with those back-to-back practices, and have spent most of my day in music (heh). Rushed down to the esplanade 3 days in a row to support my friends, then went straight to BH most of the time to practice/sleep. Sooo... and SAT is in like 9 hours, so how? Like dumping cash to those money grubbers who created the SAT... and I've never gotten rid of the image (and probably, never will) that collegeboard is just another excuse for taking all our money away. And SAT isn't even proven to be a useful gauge of our abilities! (With all those wordlists and textbooks, it's just really another commercial venture into the lucrative educational market. ackack i really must be less cynical)

And yay!! We've (BHCO) GOT INTO THE FINALS! *bounces around crazily* Was worried sick, literally, even well before the preliminaries. Legs completely refuse to obey my commands and wouldn't stop shaking during the competition, and anyone bothering to notice my legs would have seem them trembling, haha! Though my upper body was a lot more responsive to my calming commands and techniques, yay.