Essence of mind, captured on Tuesday, April 30, 2002

Ok this is the edited version, now with additional flavours... erm yeah more details, and yes chris i included a new poem too...Stupid computer ate up all my hard work, so this would be the second time I'm editing this.

Interesting day, was semi-rushed to J8 with some of the rest to go see SYZ, raining a little and I realised I forgot to retrieve my umbrella after the meet. Lennon commented on my craziness in trying to learn all the dances, rather caustic remarks indeed, but hrm well it isn't the first time I heard about these. For now I'd just learn my dances, and worry about it next time, don't you guys worry about me not having a partner :P At most I'd dance with my shadow, just like during the orientation :P Ended up in Mac, looked after their belongings, did homework and ate from 5.30 all the way to 7+. Got really bored doing all those trigo and chem questions, as I just couldn't answer them, and hence borrowed a magazine from someone's file and read while waiting for them to come to claim their belongings. Then went to the food court to meet up with the rest who arrived, ran all over the place looking for an open flame to light the candles, before deciding not to annoy those stallowners and to just buy a lighter. Cut and ate the cake, was quite nice, all those chocolate flowers and stuff, haha, well it better be, for it's exorbitant corst :P Decided to move after we noted that its high time we left the table for others to use :) before deciding to shift over to Bishan CC to discuss how to finish the cake, where we just sat down and talked. Chanced upon a watch stall, and watched on with amusement as we timed the girls while they shopped, hmm was inaccurate though, as we started only after like 5 minutes. Was asked to cake the birthday girl, which I vehemently protested against, after all, I wouldn't even cake a guy, much less a girl :P Reminds me of the CO camp in sec 3, when everyone for no reason suddenly started accusing me of having caked kangyi, who was rather upset by the situation, and was asked to apologise. I was like, 'What the', as I didn't (and would never have) do it, and happens that they've misheard the name, is junyi1, not junyi4... yep the guy from s76. The cream happened to be slightly red, and so we sort of caught him 'red-handed' :)

Reached Bishan CC, and started looking high and low for an open, dry place for us to sit. Begun with "Truth or Cake", a variation from the game "T or D". Not exactly very productive, everyone was quite evasive when it comes to some certain topics, and everyone just don't really seem to be telling anything. Well actually if anyone ask me privately about such things, I wouldn't mind telling them, but only if I trust him/her. So far I've only blacklisted two guys in our class :P Things became more interesting as we started swapping thoughts on the ideal guy/girl, hmm proved to be quite thought-provoking. Learnt quite a lot of stuff, especially on the rather radically different perspective from the other side, which really differs from what we think they are thinking. Happens that they are really for zhûdòng-ism from the other party, which seems to be sadly lacking in our class. I believe that it isn't because we are afraid of being rejected/hurt (quite the contrary), but it is partly due to the fact that we just don't dare to. We also think too much sometimes, whether our actions will cause embarassment, awkwardness, irritation to the other party, whether it's too early, whether our hearts will change and cause more hurt, whether if there's someone out there which is more deserving of her than you, whether if... Yep, indeed, no wonder we seem passive. I wonder if being overtly zhûdòng will be worse, as you may be perceived as irritating. Remember the graph for attractive forces between molecules? Yep, there has to be the correct distance between two molecules for the attraction to be strongest, the most energy given off, the most stable. Too near, the nucleus repels, too far, the electron shells repel. So I guess we'd have to find that point on the graph, the delicate balance between zhûdòng and bèidòng. And haha, from another point of view, it sure is interesting, a group of us just sitting down and discussing about these issues. Well, these things all start happening in JC :P Comment, people? :)

Discussed some of the issues with sook fen, where i poured out some of my concerns about the entire situation, such as the abovementioned questions, and received some interesting views, ideas and thoughts - probably even some consolation/encouragement. Interesting be able to understand about it from another point of view. Hmm well, much to contemplate, was mulling over it on the way home. Talked a lot to chris about our personalities, worries and all that... yeah its good indeed to be able to talk abt the thoughts within to someone, and to hear others confide in you, at least this means people do trust you. either that or i guess i was rather insistent at times :) Learning to keep my mouth shut too... rumours spread like wildfire, and often it takes not more than a spark to ignite the dry grass, all waiting to be touched by the spark of information. i still find myself looking at the screen, wanting for it to float, pop up with that characteristic sound...
Monthly end-of-month pathetic attempts at poetry

Essence of mind, captured on Monday, April 29, 2002

Guess working until 3.30am doesn't exactly increase productivity, ended up waking only at 10am in the morning. Began coding with earnest after lunch, pia-ing all the way until 6.15pm, hurriedly ate dinner, grabbed the map for the Singapore Conference Hall before rushing off for the 7.30pm TCHSCO concert, knowing I'd be late. Bus trip itself took slightly less than an hour, but I missed 5 minutes of the concert while searching for that place. Arghh I missed Chang1 Cheng1 Sui2 Xiang3 (Great Wall Capricco), reached there when it just finished, and that's one of the songs I'm really looking forward to listening. Was our SYF competition song in sec 2, really enjoyed the song while performing it. Darn...

Actually, although the performance is ok, but it isn't very good either. The erhu group was rather feeble, can hardly hear it in the songs, there are occasional slips, and you can't really immerse yourself into the music. Looked for supper after the concert with KH, ended up at the food court near Hougang Mall as Mac was closed, and even ate some ice-cream, in the middle of the night. Reached home, and immediately switched on the computer to check my mail about the CO ticket booking stuff, so tired that I just went to sleep straight away after checking.

Came to school today, without having done any homework. Did not touch GP completely, was like trying to make myself as inconspicuous as possible, sitting to the corner and did not utter more than an occasional word through the whole two periods. Happened to be lucky, and wasn't singled out to present my work (or the lack of it) to the class. Phew. Was very worried throughout the physics lecture, can't really concentrate, barely catch anything the lecture was trying to put forth, and don't really understand Gravitation at all. Sigh.

Went for sports official duties later in the afternoon. Was quite fun actually, at least in the start, when we just carried a few objects, not too heavy at that, over to the CHS field. The entire event got delayed when the rain came down in torrents, lasting 1+ hour and effectively pushing the end of sports meet that amount of time later. Starting mixing the syrup with the water, had to sample them everytime we made another batch, almost lost my sense of taste. Time passes really quickly when you're busy doing something, and it just flows by as we rushed about, mixing drinks, dispensing them and carrying buckets of water to and fro. Hmm hope we wouldn't cause any food poisoning, think the whole school drunk our concoction. Very physically draining, and was aggravated when we were made to lug boxes of the syrup all the way back to the PE room, twice. Felt a little selfish in declining to help M carry his many bottles of mineral water back to the PE room when we were ½ way back, but was tired, irritated and just didn't feel like helping anyone, with anything. Just lazed around after the refreshment stall was closed up, resting our tired soles and back. After everyone decided NOT to go for dinner, I left for home, and was so asleep on the bus that I missed my stop. Whee. End of a day. Looking forward to May Day holidays so I can catch up with all the homework that I'm lagging behind in. And no, I'm not going to touch PHP for another day. Done so much PHP, looked at so much code that I think I went slightly bonkers, going around telling people "Indented code is chio!", even told that to my computing teacher :P Ahh, ok I'm crazy, will go and shoot myself in my head now.

Life is definitely much more busier now, but I find that at least it gives a meaning to the notion of 'Living', rather than just 'Existing'. Also makes me feel useful, actually being able to contribute something, and not just a nobody doing nothing.

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 11:04 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Sunday, April 28, 2002

Ooh look at the time, I should be sleeping :P But heh, since I'm still awake, might as well blog now instead of tmr.

Day of PHP. Had to drag myself out of the bed to go to school so we can do the ITS project. Prata in school is really nice when it is freshly made hmm. Discussed and coded in the lab until 1pm before we left. Think Dobby is a little pissed with me, for dragging him to school on this fine saturday morning, and nagging him constantly to write his code. Argh. Then hopped over to CHS to take a peek at how CO over there is doing, hope it's doing well, the performance is in 16 hours time. One good thing about HCJC is that when I feel the need to go visit my old school, I'd just have to walk a little to reach there, anytime I feel like it...

Wasted ½ hour waiting for the curry puffs to be ready, long story on how I missed 5 buses while waiting for the puffs. Didn't want to go home straight, so went for lunch, and just spent lots of time thinking and walking about before heading home, where I just plonked down on bed.

After dinner, at 7.30pm, started coding on the Class Portal. 8½ hours later and counting, still in front of the computer. Argh, this stupid thing is killing me... Also made lots of stupid mistakes, like forgetting to pass in a variable into a function, ended up wasting ½ hour debugging. Listening to cai1 ce4 over and over throughout this time, hoping to learn it so there'd be a sound system on your nearby bus 74 soon. Haha, sort of. Amazing how little I did, only completed part of it... Argh, and I'm supposed to get it done by Monday. Throw in ITS, homework and all that miscellaneous stuff like tomorrow's evening concert and I wonder if 24 hours is sufficient for tomorrow. Small consolation is that we'd gain 55 nanoseconds each day next year due to the moon getting further from the earth, wow its like in only few hundred million years time we'd get 25 hours a day, something to look forward too indeed.

Right, I'm done with computers today, been staring at the screen for at least 10 full hours today. Darn technology is making me blind. Argh. Going to sleep now, night all =)

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 02:54 a.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Saturday, April 27, 2002

Physics practical was hilarious & fun, had to spin this rubber bung to determine the frequency for different weights and stuff...ended up hitting our heads many times as we weren't concentrating on the bung but getting it to rotate about a horizontal plane. Fun, but results obtained were terrible, got a beautiful curve when we're supposed to draw a straight line graph.

PE = Physical Exhaustion. Enough said.

Had to help friends dodge other spies in this spy-kill-spy world... First we walked around holding cards and pointing at random targets, then went to spies' ct benches and hung around suspiciously, with a card in hand. Then ended up lugging bags to the library so that they can concentrate on running instead of carrying bags. Haha was worth it, managed to collect a grand total of 19 cards as a CT, whee.

Chemistry lecture was erm confusing, was trying to figure out where and why each arrow points in the way, with the situation aggravated when two similar but opposite equations suddenly popped up, on each side on one page of the notes...

Was squirming uncomfortably throughout physics, hehe well it's lucky that i did pass, for i had done the easier questions, ie the last two. got a D, now I've got A, B, C and D! Woohoo! Now i just need a E from computing and a F from GP to complete my collection mwahahaha...

Went to coronation for there's little other than homework to do while we wait for CLAO. sang songs, watched others eat and simply did nothing while waiting for time to slip by. Rushed back to retrieve my locker key, only to be informed that the 2nd collection date will be announced next week. Argh. To think I lugged all my TYS to school so I can leave it there.

CLAO was boring did not provide sufficient mental stimulation for us restless souls, so me and chris ended up taking turns to blog on paper in chinese about what happened today. hmm that might help improve our pathetic command of chinese, with the added bonus of time passing more quickly when you're doing something interesting.

ooh finally received the last piece of information from him, now it's going to be a great test of my ability to keep a secret completely, especially when ppl around are also interested to know. what a challenge :P hope my tongue will not slip ... its going to be taxing on my ability to keep silent :(

Right, called for a meeting tmr at 9am for the programmers, hope at least 4 people will turn up, can't contact the fifth :/ thats all i hope for :P

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 12:23 a.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Friday, April 26, 2002

Short blog to do, the CO chairman is hounding me for more coding on the online booking stuff...
Finished watching "east is east", and if yesterday is a test of our ability to interpret what they said, today is a test to sieve out the words from the static and stuff generated along with the words...can hardly hear anything, with the speaker happily buzzing away everytime the pitch gets to high or the sound gets too loud, resonance? Was really impressed by how a student from another CT linked the ripping off of the hood to the father's situation in the final scene though.

No titration today, only had to do thermal chem, finding the energy lost and stuff like that, but made a very stupid, big, mistake. was supposed to keep the magnesium(?) powder stuck in the measuring bottle to determine how much went into the acid, got bored at the 8½ minute and forgot all about it :( added some acid to the bottle and watched on, intrigued by all the bubbling and sound, until i realised what i have done, nearly missed the next reading as i struggled to comprehend the implications of my actions...now i can't get an accurate value for weight! Had no choice, ended up stimulating the entire process again, cleaning the bottle, drying, adding powder and pouring them out in the same way, hope it will be accurate! Think the teacher didn't really know, phew.

Spent the day racking my brains to find a word that starts with P, is 12 letters long and is related to literature and programming. Ended up with a headache after physics lecture, (partly) solved when I dumped the information into my dictionary, but more problems created when i realised i had 750 words to sift through. Spent the next 10 minutes scrolling through almost every word before I managed to strike upon it.

Rest of day, didn't really hold any meetings, rather a 1-1 discussion with everyone in the project team as necessary. Realised that chicken burger goes well with egg. (tried to) teach some 2nd intakers to sing the college songs in the handbook, haha thanks anyway for saying my singing doesn't suck when thats the case, ;)... got a c5 for clao, our teacher nearly drove us to sleep with her droning voice as she went through the paper. still haven't dared to re-read my compo, for i know it's really bad... :( Ended the day with some chapteh, hai, been some time since we'd just gather and play chapteh till 6 something.

Tai An: yeah we'd contact you the next time there's something happening in hcjc :) pass you the html codes? sure np, remind me next time when you come online k?
Yun Ching: ooi you don't really have to tell us how to find your blog, if you don't want us to know rite... blog-hunting? couldn't find it anyway if you haven't told us you have one... actually isn't it funny how we sometimes want others to read something, but yet don't really want to in another hand...contradictory thoughts :/

Haha well just realised I said it'd be short, but hrm a little contrary to truth hmm?
Suddenly I felt like I shouldn't be reading any of my ctmates blogs, but I can't. I seek to understand the complex personalities behind every character, veiled, yet revealed partially through every word and phrase, every tapping of keys. Not to mention, satisfy my reading appetite. We could learn much from blog-reading, indeed. But these don't mean I'd hound you for years until you'd give me your address - contrary to belief i don't spend hours everyday searching for people's blog, definitely not on dialup, and especially not when people ask me not to. (well erm so far no one yet lah) Even such thoughts have to be hidden, camouflaged with the black background, but I don't know why I'm doing it.

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 12:14 a.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Wednesday, April 24, 2002

[yesterday, with a dash of tedium and placidity]
Started off with chemistry, haha didn't know you can 'light' an apple, it didn't burn long though. Went for a maths talk by some rather lively professor, though it wasn't really interesting, fell asleep and woke up just in time to see him finish proving the cosine rule. discussion was a bit limited and rather split at the start, but became quite animated towards the end, was quite fun, but ermm didn't really do anything significant. computing practical ended up a mess, everyone's seal ate different types of fishes, ending up with loads of different final set of values for the same question. wrapped up the day helping out with the sports day heats, ended up the courier, running around passing sheets of paper to teachers.

[today, nor is it any better]
a good day, for the fact that lessons end significantly earlier than any other days :) started day with chemistry, got a grade and mood boost haha when 2 marks will be removed from the paper for a error...happens that i got it correct because was in a rush, didn't really have time to analyse, just plonked down the answer without even really reading the question. whee the bonus two marks threw me from 'sea' to 'bee'...
watched a very uncomprehendable, crude and weird (albeit interesting in a sense) show entitled "east is east", for gp. don't really know what the show is going on about actually, going to finish the show tmr, so mebbe i'd see what the show is about. added bonus of skipping gp lessons heh...
wah got myself caught in a dilemma during its meeting, when lennon and yili both asked me to be their team member in the cisco networking competition. well lennon asked me first, and it wouldn't be good to turn him down, if i do, its like i don't have faith in his ability. but i know yili would probably be a better teammate, would be a good chance to get to know him better, and i oso dun want him to think that i chose lennon just because he's a CCNA. i'd definitely have chosen yili if not for that dubious set of morality standards in me, and apologised to him for not being able to be so as lennon asked me first. still feeling uneasy about my choice, even up to now.
anyway, running for the its leadership post isn't easy, i'd have to answer so many questions...filling up three pages of forms isn't going to be easy :( gunning for v-c, don't even know whether i can get in heh, certainly hope so :)
turned out to be a foodfest during co, my partner and i each buying a pack of peanuts in, ate throughout the whole dazu :P achieved the aim of multitasking/pipelining by reading dimensions 2002, the score, playing my erhu, taking time to look occasionally at the conductor, and eating at the same time. finished dimensions 2002 during the practice hehe, turned out to be a very interesting read, do get it if you're interested in science and stuff.

Was just looking up the old class list, and felt very, very reminiscent of the days when it was just the 14 of us. perhaps its the fun we had, perhaps its the lack of work then to bog us down, or perhaps for other reasons unknown, that looking at this photo makes me feel rather down. it just seemed like yesterday when we were once all strangers, just yesterday for all those class gatherings, just yesterday all those fun times we've spent together as a class. time just seems to pass so quickly, 4 months have already passed, reaching 5, so quickly that i can hardly catch up with time... always trudging down that memory lane time and time again, while time flows past around me. memories of these times are especially precious to me, i've felt so much different since entering jc...i certainly wouldn't mind going through it all again...but still sort of apprehensive of the things to come, all that homework, exams, tests, everything, i don't feel prepared for the coming onslaught, not at all. i look into what could be my future and see a blank, zilch, nada, and i realise that i don't really feel ready at all...

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 10:47 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Monday, April 22, 2002

Heh, felt bored, waited for 10 mins at the busstop so i'd have someone to talk to/sing on the bus. Reached school, still felt horrible and weak, just like yesterday night. I get this weird feeling, but just cannot place a finger on it... Anyway, ooh spygame started, was kind of fun, if you consider running away, living in constant panaroidism fun. Think the entire idea for the game is screwed, doesn't encourage getting to know new friends , when the ones you catch are more likely to hate you for life (hmm well), and you lose all your hard-earned cards to someone who catches you.
Anyway, feel kind of different today. Could be the weather, gravity, or it is just me. Blah, feel so weird today.
Erm yay, screwed up all block tests so perfectly. I can't wait for physics tomorrow so I can get another "F". Not to mention I desperately need a vowel so I can form words, O and E sounds like good candidates...
Realised I misplaced my 'O' level results slip, spent nearly ½ hour searching high and low for it, breathing so much dust and ending up with a blocked nose. Thought I've lost all hope, after all, if they see I can't even keep an important piece of paper well-kept, how am I going to do my project? Think I'd have to write very neat, am practicing now, but still don't know what to write. Argh, there's little worth selling, and my poor scores already destroyed all chances of even getting in. Don't know why I am wasting $2 (photo) joining something I'd never have a chance to enter, it's like buying 4-D. Decided to do some research on LIT, just found out it is the merging of KDRL and CSM, both under NUS, but other than that, little else as the page is "under construction". Gawd, and they call themselves Labs for IT. Wish me luck, for I'd be needing every strand of it if I were ever to get into it *prays to any god/deity/etc who is willing to listen*
Oooh, and chris you finally got something in ur blog huh?
Alright, was bouncing around my usual blogreads, and hit on a rather touching one =) *sniff* well, if happiness can be collective, you have my vote for felicity ;)

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 11:35 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Sunday, April 21, 2002

Am feeling sososososo sick now...headache, tiredness, feeling uncomfortable throughout the body. School begins yet again tommorow, but I don't feel ready at all to go to school, to see all the 'F's piling onto me while everyone else gets 'A's & 'B's or ... Perhaps I should go get a MC, beg either of my parents to issue me one, but then again, I've never taken a MC in my entire schooling life... Perhaps I need a good nights sleep, I'm rambling, I'm incoherent, I csn'y tyye fir amytjimg...prrhps i shold gi amd slepe, amd stip bkoggimg fer a wjile... haha ok i lie, not really that tired, but isn't it fun ... = ouch! my head's killing me...
Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 10:23 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Sunday, April 21, 2002

Right, back home already. Tiring day, but fun. Decided to fall asleep while writing this half-way, so I'm continuing the next morning, ie now. Had lunch at Prince, before getting some food and drinks, and returning to the class bench. Umbrella was wrecked somehow, and considerably much effort and time was put into repairing the umbrella by many before declaring it defunct. Played around in the playground (heh) outside before entering ms moh's home. Felt a little out of place yet again, so busied myself with carrying the tables, drinks and anything that needs to be done.
Then sat down to learn the 'intricacies' of mahjong, was rather befuddled by it, managed to get the hang of it enough to play (a little). Celebrated some birthdays with some cake and lots of drinks, after which 2 ppl left. Sang some songs with guitar accompaniment, ended singing every song on my tape, now the whole world knows how amazingly slow my computer is :) Left for the playground again, played on the swing, which was a bit creaky, and practiced flying off the swing. Spent more time on the seesaw, though it was bending a little too much for my comfort :p Tried to balance ourselves on the seesaw, then tried to throw people up into the air, with me being the first human cannon ball. Didn't really go that far though, phew. Though its a little funny to see how screwed our logic/physics was at the start...
-- Ok Melvin and Dobson stand on one side, Junyi on the other... (Seesaw tips towards M+D side)
-- Now, er how to make JY fly?
-- Oh, ok, I think I got it. M & D, get off... 1, 2, 3 JUMP!!!
Needless to say, I didn't fly, but experienced free fall all the way from the top. Rather shocked me, wasn't really thinking nor expecting it. Was a lot of fun, and in the end I was thrown a little up, so erm success? Played with the slides, monkey bars, on TOP of the monkey bars, parallel bars, hanged upside down from the pull up bars, things I've usually not done for like years. To think this could be the last few times we'd have the chance to do it, oh well :P. Took off our shoes to walk on the stone and pebbles for several rounds, uttering an occasional 'ouch!', before we decided to return. Played DaiDee while waiting for the pizza, was playing so badly that once I still had the full deck with the spade of ace, effectively scoring me -104 points. Didn't touch bridge at all though, never had enough people playing. Ate pizza for dinner, and played a few rounds of mahjong before continuing the song sessions. Everything ended at 9.30pm, though it took a little persuasion to get the guitar-ppl moving.

Ok, so it was successful, everyone had fun, me too, but I somehow feel a little detached at times.
Someone once expressed surprise at my ability to remember details of the events and outings. I used to take it as a compliment, but now I'm wondering whether it's a curse or a blessing. jiu de bu qu, xing de bu lai, as someone said, life would be stagnant if there isn't change. If I can't let go of the past, how can I look forward to the future? Seem to be living in a different time frame, no wonder I feel out and odd. Time to learn to move on...
Ok, so I didn't even bother to try. for i know think it'd do little anyway.
Someone once asked me a very good question, but I'm so disorientated by all my thoughts I just can't reply. Was then sort of advised to be true to myself. What was interesting is that my mind seems to be telling me something, and when I woke up the next day, my dream is exactly modelled after the question, and I actually got the chance to experience it and know how I'd think and feel! oooh! I think I can answer that question now :) On a side note, I think I'm addicted to blogging, for in that dream I left the LT1 (quite sure its 1, was having maths tutorial i think) and went to the computer lab to blog (dreamt there is no internet connection, bleah). Alright, I DO have a problem.
Ulp, it was meant to be a happy blog entry, after all it was so so so fun yesterday. But, there's so little to write about being happy, isn't it?
Ooooooooooooooooooooooh!!! I'm feeling very very very expectant now!!! This is going to be soooo interesting! Knowing it, or believing so, makes me more free to do things, as I know now they wouldn't be viewed negatively, ie as desperate attempts to achieve something :P wooohooo! i feel liberated mwahahaha! but... come think about it again...ai yah who cares! :P
More interesting stuff from newscientist again :)
READER Seth Kennedy was struck by a headline in his local paper The Hendon and Finchley Times: "Hospital moves to stop patients falling over." Kennedy comments that the patients would surely be less likely to fall over if the hospital stayed still.

FROM TIME to time we've discussed the problem of truncated email subject headings, where the limited amount of space in the headings box results in the end of the heading getting cut off.
Reader Alan Carter reports a new example. He recently got an email from the transport campaign group TRANSform Scotland with the subject heading "Postponement of tomorrow's seminar". But all that was visible in the heading field was "Postponement of tomorrow". Carter thought it sounded like rather a good idea.

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 01:37 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Saturday, April 20, 2002

Currently in school now, trying to touch up on my part of the ITS project. Hai. Can't even concentrate, nearly 1 hour has passed, so little done. I wish I could clear things up, but (I think) I'm sure of how the response will be like. And yeah, nothing will be cleared up anyway, so should I bother or not?

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 11:26 a.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Friday, April 19, 2002

Was supposed to be a wonderful day, last day of block tests and it all, until I perfectly screwed up the entire chem paper. Was making lots of noise about failing and being last, because I'm really afraid of bottoming the class, which is becoming a distinct possibility. Wonder if I'm trying to give the impression that I'd do so badly, people wouldn't notice if I do. I know, who cares anyway!?! I'm more afraid of being niao-ed, truth to tell...=( Self-esteem is rock bottom, and this is one thing that's going to make it plummet to the nadir. HOW?

Sort of felt better as we all trooped towards West Mall for movie, and all the first intakers being together again seem to bring forth yet again the times of the not-so-distant past, when we were just 14, small and carefree... Scorpion King was kinda nice, other than having first blood drawn not even 10 seconds into the film :P Quite worth the money haha well it was a treat aniway =)) Then went around looking for cards and stuff, before getting some food. Next trooped to a friend's house to practice assembling computers for the Ghz competition. Actually well, nothing much else happened, other than another round of sudden revelation and insight, making me feel terrible throughout the whole day. Ah well, can't even smile properly, it feels so difficult, so hard to even just smile.

I can't help myself, I just have to do such things don't I?? Knowing fully well how damaging such things can become, yet I still do them occasionally. Have to exercise restrain! Felt even worse, blah, as I waited for the bus to arrive, which seemed to take like eternity...to think it is sort of fun, but definitely very guilty, i don't want to damage such a wonderful f-t, well it is to me at least.
Sitting down in my computer, watching as it blinks on and off occasionally, I wonder if anything can be done at all, or is it way beyond anything. lyk wat u said, j, im one of the few who can feel ur pain haha :P

anyway, finally got the chinese version of bo li xie, the cantonese version was driving me a little nuts, i can't follow the lyrics!...but hmm, i think the music is really nice!
someone told me oooh reading my blog makes him feel even more sad. haha :) oh well, we humans are forgetful, we take for granted the happy things in our lives, never cherishing them, yet remember the sad things, and just think abt them over and over again. one day, one day. i'm learning to enjoy every bit of happiness that comes my way, and perhaps soon i'd be able to blog happy eh :)
and yeah, big thanks to ya all readers :) didn't really know there's quite a lot of people indeed, whee :P
hai, now I'm feeling even worse, really, it's not that i don't wish to tell :( do tell me whats really bothering you, and if i can help, i definitely will...don't make it sound like i don't wish to help :)
its been really a long time, since i can come online and get blasted with 5 icq msgs, and sort of really enjoy replying, mass chatting is so interesting haha :P
eh, yunching, me SNAG? oooooh :P oh well, reminds me of my micromouse days, where we named our mouse SNAM (sensitive new age mouse)...

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 10:11 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Wednesday, April 17, 2002

Suffering from post-compo-writing syndrome now...when I think back I cringe about the way I write, how I could have written better, how the contents could have been arranged better, and so on. Then I think how badly I write, how badly I'd fail, and ... I suppress the thoughts. Hai. Going to fail CLAO, so how now?
Talking to an ex-classmate really brings back fond memories of the past, makes one really feel like wanting to cry out. It's really sad actually, why did they put in the system of PAE anyway, can't they just let school begin after JAE?
Ahh, this is not complete, but IE chose to crash on me, so I'd sign off first.

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 08:58 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Wednesday, April 17, 2002

[Physics = FAIL]
The paper is nuts. Was a complete rush job, did MCQ like playing lottery, and structured was so tedious, especially on finding the uncertainty. Skipped a full 4 marks because one look I know it's impossible for me to complete it fast enough without compromising the remaining questions. Was like so dazed after the whole thing I just sat there for a while, mind doing crazy acrobatics within the head, like thinking of what would happen when the universe collapses on itself. Regained enough sense soon, it's quite fun bitching about the tests with everyone else, at least there's solace in the fact that everyone feels it's hard. Ah well.

[CLAO = FAIL]
Hope not. Ahh already feel very guilty for committing an intellectual theft, directly translating what someone else has written into my composition. Then totally blanked out at summary, at first count I must have at least 150 words, ended up striking off entire sentences and losing the marks. Ah yes, indeed, if you think we are thinking along the same line when I'm telling you you cannot not know how to write that word, and if I think I interpreted the response correctly...ni3 yao4 jia1 you2 ok! Remember, it's your show! and we are the audience! ehehehe...

[Computing = FAIL]
I better not. Better better not. But I've got this feeling that I'm going to screw up the paper major. Hmm then again, I'd get another F to my collection, mwahahaa! Better start studying, hai.

[Silent Thoughts...]
I know, I sounded very selfish, saying more people = better chances of A. In moments when you try to defend your previous words, one would often not take into consideration of the people around you, as you'd be trying to save your skin. Hope they didn't hear it this way, I felt guilty immediately after retorting, well wish that no response means didn't realise the implications of my words hmm?

[Helloo...?]
Yes, and hell, I'm scared when people calls me to ask about stuff on computing, because I know I'm not sure myself, and I don't really want to mess up what others already know with stuff I'm not completely sure myself. Ack, better start revising then. But I do want to help, sort of justifies my existance in this lonely planet...

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 05:02 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Tuesday, April 16, 2002

[Twas a fine night...]
8pm, 15th: I suddenly feel very, very melancholic. The music blasting out of my computer's speaker, then pleasing, now seem meaningless and terrible to me. Looking at the work, the time, I know I haven't accomplished much. Then thinking back, I realised that this is all a facade, a show designed to conceal how I really feel. Lies, lies, most of what I've told are lies, the rest are half-truths. How can the rest of the world believe me when I don't even trust myself for who I am now? How can I, when I can even trick myself into thinking this is the way that it should be? Don't I feel anything at all? Hell, I'm sick of this, I'm turning off my damn comp and toss myself into my books. As someone once told me, at least there are tangible results from studying.

[A new day dawns...]
Then I'm here again, back after 20 hours, looking back and feeling very silly. Hmm, well, perhaps I was unstable yesterday, and what I wrote doesn't really make much sense, but there's consensus about it, and isn't it better this way?

[Block Tests, Block tests...]
Hope I'd pass, I better. Was a bad start, looked at Q1 Part [2] and went HUH? Got a bit muddled, knew I wouldn't be able to do it fast (or even at all), and immediately bounced into the other parts. Well, at least I was able to do most of the questions, correct or wrong, I'd leave that for later :) What was more 'memorable' was the total numbing of the fingers from the cold, and didn't realise my fingers couldn't feel a thing until I started poking at them, after finishing the questions.
Did physics until 2pm, or erm actually watch people around me do physics while I took in their ideas :) Mwahaha, its quite possible I'd just flunk my physics, but it just isn't really appropriate to say it then but I dare not state my deepest fears. Ooh, overheard my friend talk to his chemistry teacher, who commented that the chemistry paper would be 'tricky', 'need to have facts on your fingertips', 'much like past year's block test', but 'if you do your tutorials and listen to lectures you wouldn't fail', and 'it's a bit hard to get a 'A', but "you guys should be able to et a 'B' or 'C'". Eh. Doesn't sound very encouraging, especially when I have not even touched my chemistry, where to get information on my fingertips? Write notes on them? :)

[BusTalk]
Some of the more interesting ones that I (still) remember after a few days. Hmm, indeed its better to just let our minds filter what is interesting and what is not, than writing everything down.
- People forget, that's why sometime we don't appreciate our friends around us for what they are.
- But if we don't forget, we would not be able to progress, become stagnant right?
- Yeah, that's why friendships break easily, under constant erosion by time. But paper qualifications stay with you for life, so indeed it may be better to invest more time in them than in friendships and such.
Hmm.

["First Class Mail - US Postage Paid"]
Cool, finally got my CCNA certificate after a four month wait. And what's more, they even give you a something like your library card, stating your certification. Hmm, only drawback is that it expires on 20th December, 2004, and it's like I'd have no chance to use it, just be able to tuck it away safely in my files.


["Gimme a wormhole to the past, Gimme a chance to kill off all regrets"]
Quote: "If only I had a chance, I would wanna turn back time and relive my secondary 1 life again until JC."
Felt the same way, know I haven't cherished my entire secondary school life, strayed time and time again from the fading trail. But I know I can't change my past, when I entered JC I promised myself I shan't regret my two years. But barely half a year have passed and I already feel contrite. Could have done so much more, made less mistakes. So no matter how hard I try, mistakes are still made, because what would be mistakes if we know it's coming? Darn technology, we need energy equivalent to some planck's constant (or something like that) to rip a hole in space-time, and err yeah we need a particle accelerator the size of our solar system. not likely for me to go back soon huh? but even if i can relive my life, i wonder if i can don't make all the same mistakes, or even new, worse mistakes. what's done is done, no point changing, we've all the got the time to learn, or else why would we live to 80?

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 04:25 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Monday, April 15, 2002

["Under the sea..."]
Was a perfectly normal day, except that there's a GP test today. I came to school, and Jeremy told me, "Er yesterday I read your blog." I was like looking at him strangely, like reading my blog was something so dangerous he had to report, eh haha. But yeah, once you start reading, the links do keep you reading huh :) Started the day off blasting the only song on my tape, ancient technology they say, and laughed lots. Should have played it when Yu was around, but argh can't bring myself to. Got into the examination hall with trepidation, because I don't know how to prepare. Hrm tomorrow would be worse, I know I can prepare but just ain't fully prepared yet. Did GP topic on "Internet broadens the mind", can't believe I actually talked about the weblog phenomenom:) Then went for this talk on CenTaP, think my scores would have condemned me before I have a chance to show my interest, or the lack of it, to the interviewers. Hung around learning how nitrogen-coated iron and steel increases its strength by changing its internal structure to become, er strand-like? Mwahaha, interesting though. Watched them do maths, and sat down with Lennon trying to help him finish up the last question, felt guilty now, everyone else is doing maths, while its like what I'm doing? Writing my biography?

[You can't do work on bus]
No, not because the bus is jerky :) But there's always so much 'chemistry' to talk about, as he put it, everything else pales in comparison (ahem) when deciding what to talk about, and so many songs to sing. Pitched our songs so it'd take us beyond the pitch we can handle, ending up sound terrible and weird. Felt funny singing at (almost) the top of our voices into the tape recorder IN the bus, with people around us. Felt even worse hearing our tape being blasted back into the bus at full volume. Oooh realised I got a rather squeaky voice (argh!), is it true, or is it my tape?

["Why do we bother ourselves with such things?"]
Were discussing if everyone has to go through this phase somewhere in their life. Things happen, situations change, and sometimes as long as you emerge happy and learnt something from it, it couldn't be anything bad. After all, life is a learning process, and no-one should live with storm clouds over their heads, without a patch of clear blue sky in the distant horizon. I've started steering towards that, but the dark clouds are still above, the seas stormy. One day the storm will break, but till then, I'd pretend the sky is clear, blueness spanning towards the infinite horizon, sea and sky. Just like why I put a smiling face next to my mood of 'fake'.
Just realised I was out of point. Ahem. Er yeah, true, I read about people with such problems everywhere, for good or for bad. Confusion reigns in either case most of the time, but hmm its still to early to tell, whether the dust will settle, and everything will become crystal clear. Till then, I'd continue reading, ('aiyoh you so voyeur ah' - jiaqi) listening, and perhaps learn more about this funny thing.
Oooh interesting word: discombobulation - a feeling of embarrassment that leaves you confused.
And whee, I've been spidered by google on Mar 12 :) Didn't know until someone told me, cool...

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 03:59 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Sunday, April 14, 2002

[Block Test? What Block Tests?]
Ooops, block tests begins like on tomorrow? Did so little for nearly 4 hours after finishing (almost) all of maths revision exercises, and up till now I haven't even touched the double 'C's, Computing and Chemistry, perhaps only the 'revision' exercises on chemical bondings I had on the bus. Ooh am going to get 'C's for them! GP is tomorrow, erm wonder how I can prepare for it.

[cout << Output_Dump_File();]
Mostly superficial stuff recently, haven't really poked deep into myself, attempting to dredge up something, erm yeah so here goes.
All right, I give up. Spent 2 full minutes recollecting, and didn't even get anything. Hmm, shall try a little harder.
I don't know, feel my behaviour is completely screwed up recently. Actions speak for themself, but what's in your head is concealed, and I know that my thought lines are all heading down the wrong direction.
I do fear that something bad will soon happen, and from what I'm hearing it's already beginning. A friend once told me that someone has to act, preferably someone whom they look up to. I know I can't, for if I try to keep them quiet, people look at me knowingly, worse still, with commiseration. If I don't, I fear the cycle will repeat itself, and very selfishly, fear more that people point fingers at me naming me the number one antagonist in this whole story.
oooh realised that 'antagonist' is a muscle which relaxes while another contracts. eh fitting word hmm? :)
All right, I give up. There's so little to blog, with life being so routine. Perhaps after my blog tests. Or perhaps I shall come back tomorrow and whine about how I sucked completely at GP. Come think about it, I remembered reading in the handbook that a maximum of 22 can only be awarded if the whole thing goes out of point, gulp. And oh yeah, I'm intending to politely ask the chinese teacher whether I can not go for the CLAO block test, for I know it'd just be a waste spending 3 hours just to get a 'F'. Erm yeah, even if the teacher doesn't agree, no way, I'm skipping it, with or without permission.
Perfect, came online, before getting inspiration and disconnected again.
I really feel weird of having to impose a quota on myself, a quota of 1 in 2, for goodness sake! I wonder what am I trying to accomplish in this way. The more I know, the more foolish I feel for being what I am, for having thought that way. But I feel lucky, I've foreseen it long ago and cherished whatever that is left of it, and was already prepared to let it all go. But why have I clung to false hopes then and caused all these trouble? Wonder if I had done the right thing exactly 2 months ago, and again so exactly 1 month ago. I seem to have done all the wrong things on 14th, and err today is April 14th, how?? Thank goodness it is a Sunday, I couldn't have done any further damage. Or could I? Or is there a damage-carry-forward?
Hrm, ok, I'm beat, people around me are studying like there's no tomorrow, yet I devoted nearly one hour of my time writing irrelevant stuff. Whee. I love causing trouble for myself, don't I. Wish me luck for my block tests wouldn't ya, for I know I wouldn't be doing well :) <- Smile, and (you think) the world smiles with you!! But fail, (you think) you fail alone.
And yeah, I've learnt my lesson. Not to worry about that :/

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 06:40 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Friday, April 12, 2002
Missed loads of entries, as I have a bad habit of falling asleep while doing work.

[Yesterday I...]
Hmm nothing much happened, unless you consider getting a purity index of 107% for my calcium carbonate something, when it's supposed to be < 100%. Putting my own advice of B-D-U into good use, the day turned out to be pretty ok, though 'blind' turned out to be a lil' unpractical. Nearly doubled over with laughter when YC told me the reason why one guy removed two of his rib bones, haven't laughed so long for sometime, but it really is very ... erm. well, you don't hear such things everyday :)
Went for my CLAO lesson, the teacher, well ... hope this teacher is good though.

[And today...]
Spent the first three periods (trying to) study physics while the presidential elects blathered on why we should vote for them, and broke my previous DopeWars record, whee. Can't say I was as productive for physics though, heh. Chem lecture really failed to inspire interest, as I caught myself talking incessantly about everything, with an dash of chem here and there, not to mention, much to laugh about. Went to the comp lab to rip a 20 min audio file so I can download from home, my home computer is really pathetic, can't even handle file ripping at 1x. Supposed to do physics, but spent my time writing other stuff instead. Then CLAO again, and was dismissed early from CO for us to prepare for block test! w00t! and yes, disappointing to note after CO the situation hasn't improved much.
["We behave like molecules because we are made of molecules"]
Talked a LOT about behaviour of molecules and the interactions on the macroscopic level, ie us humans. It's really amazing how many analogies you can find about the interactions of atoms and molecules if you try, gives me the feeling I'm actually an atom in another universe. Talked about the same topic for hours and hours, bus trips after trips, it's really amazing too how much you can talk about it. The more you talk, the easier you find it to accept, to laugh and to get over it. Chem which we revised...
Chemical bonding: Found out that even there is atomic attraction, it brings out new sets of burdens and worries, such as intermolecular interactions, and within the molecule itself there is a need to find the most suitable bond length, not too close nor far, to find the point where most energy is given out. Then with that, if a more reactive molecule comes by, there would be atomic displacement, but the net enthalpy will remain, with the new molecule more stable and happy, while the displaced atom will become unstable.
Reaction kinetics: For a molecule to be formed, there must be collision, sufficient energy aka time spent together, correct geometry aka being comfortable. However, too strong a collision will lead to breaking of bond immediately after bond formation.
Chemical Energetics: Reactions are generally exothermic, becoming more stable, while there can be an occasional endothermic reaction as molecules gain sufficient activation energy to overcome the peak. Reactions also may not take place as it may not be both energetically and kinetically stable, causing an infinitely slow rate of reaction.
Hehe, yes sounds very chemical-ly rite? Oooh, think I might be able to pass my chem test after all :) Proves my hypothesis that we are in fact molecules in a larger galaxy, much like a fractal. And mwahaha KH, congratz! May your ionic bond hold strong, your molecule kinetically stable :P What a phrase! Chem Rox!

Enuf for today :) Good night!

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 08:40 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Thursday, April 11, 2002

Keeping short, time is of the essence now.
My mortal was pretty mortified that I have not started on preparations for block tests, and yes, its indeed a little late hmm. Should be able to easily disprove Jiaqi's "3 Day 4 'A's" belief now by getting straight 'F's. Wanted to study, but can hardly concentrate in class, even if I tried hard, unless I'm both blind & deaf. Hmm, better start practicing meditation at night to clear up all the stray thoughts, which may be useful when it comes to studying, ooh. add unfeeling to the list of disabilities
Completely screwed up the essay, couldn't have written a worse piece of essay. I even scribbled how much I estimate the essay to be worth behind, and even 28 is a gross, albeit optimistic, overestimation.

Received the same response as M from KH, in a slightly different manner though, and at least it wasn't as pointed as M. KH was singing the most inappropriate songs like anjing, hrm, and to think he got me to print the lyrics. The song would have been nice. if it came at a more apt time. Hmpf.

Argh. I'm really going to fail my block tests, could hardly do any of the Phy TYS Qns under 2 minutes. Noticed though most of the MCQ qns in past year's block test came from the TYS, guess I'd have to do them all, and this is only one subject. Oooh, I'm ready to fail now.but I can't afford to!!
Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 12:45 a.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Tuesday, April 9, 2002
['Larcenous' Moves]
Ooh. Rex asked me to help him look for his bag outside the library and move it to the class bench. Unfortunately, there are at least 10 bags around, and since I can't find the bag that matches the description, I had to ransack almost every bag. Eventually found it INside the library, oops hope there are no cameras around. Must have looked like a thief, urp.
If there can be spiritual larceny, I must be trying hard to perpetrate it now. But I can't bring myself to.

[Acidified legs]
Argh, my leg, esp. in both thighs, are killing me. Couldn't stand up from my seat the whole day without support from my hands, and fell back onto my seat during RP as I stood up too fast. Hope it gets better soon, stairs are a torture, and the refrigerator is downstairs...

[Supernumerary-ness]
Enuf said. ;) Perhaps not. But I really am lost when it comes to such situations, but I know, I can either follow the crowd, my heart, or end up like now, torn between both, in the middle of everyone, along with anyone I'd find taking the same twisted path. I don't know, I think it'd be better if I can just ignore all the subtle signs around me, more often than not I'd interpret it negatively anyway.

[Javelin]
Wonder why we actually volunteered as a class to do official duties. But hmm, it wasn't that bad, it drizzled a little, and neither was the sun burning down on us. Still apprehensive, fearful that soon a javelin would come down on me while I'm marking the distance. Found my mind drifting as I looked back at my school, one that I'm in for four years, and yet done so little. Same feeling as I took my last slow walk around my primary school as her student when I'm primary 6, and was then thinking about whether I've seen every inch of the school. This time however, I find myself regretting, having accomplished so little, so little memories - I've done nothing memorable with my class. Most belong to the computer lab (heh. i look back and wonder why) and definitely with CO, all my erhu friends, juniors and all, especially those of the same batch. Think I'd make a list soon of the events that I still remember, think it'd be woefully short.

[Ouch]
I know, he doesn't know anything yet (or does he?), and probably do not mean it, a casual slip of the tongue perhaps, words lost in the midst of contiguous sentences. but those 8 words he said, gives the pained, hollow feeling in my chest, and still does. THANKS melvin, you 'made' my day :(( <

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 10:07 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Sunday, April 7, 2002


[Sentiment/Nostalgia]
Although some of the first-intakers are no longer here, but still I can't bear to throw away their worksheets that they have not collected, many with a name on them. Hmm, don't know, perhaps when they return I'd pass it on to them, but I'd expect they'd not want to keep them :P
Looking out of the window in 3am in the morning brings back torrents of memories, especially those before I've shifted house. Some are so clear, I'd half-expected that they are just fragments of yesterday's memories, not memories of events nearly half a decade ago. Sad to say, there was little worth remembering during the secondary school days, and of the few which are, they are beginning to fade away, like a exposed photo. And that's part of the reason why I'm writing here, so I'd not regret that one day should I forget an memorable event, for I'd always have something to refer to and, to remember. But sometimes I wonder if it would be just better to let go, to embrace both old and new memories, and let my brain decide which one is worth keeping. (Hai)

[Nocturnal Ramblings]
Stayed up late to make up for time lost to excessive sleeping. (Sort of) completed the chemistry design expt, then decided to study a little physics. It was only 4am then, and rather awake, but I guess you can't really study at night. While trying to remember the differences between random and systematic error (yes, only chapter two!), I recall debating whether should I try to memorise them now or just before the test before I feel asleep unknowingly. Didn't really sleep comfortably, woke up with a numb left leg that threatened to give way as I wobbled unsteadily back to bed, putting my weight on the right foot. Not a nice sleep either, woke up (almost) screaming because my left foot cramped somewhere during REM. Fear I've done some damage to my internal clock, and certainly do not wish to wake up with the sun outside my window tomorrow, especially when its a school day.

[Miscellanea]
Was sort of playing my erhu at full blast (poor neighbours) when someone called, and didn't notice that the call was for me for like 20 seconds(?). Oooh, better still, its from Malaysia. Mwahaha, not that I regretted it after finding out the identity of the caller, especially when I found out he lied again :P
Soooo lazy, read only a little physics, and sort of understand a bit more now. Didn't want to do GP yet, just read & tore out all the articles that I wanted to write up on. Did a little maths, and realised I couldn't even do the first question in series&seqs. Ooh, looks like I'm going to make history next week by failing all my block tests. Suddenly I realised that I have to perform well if I really wanted any chance in the school research programs. Shucks, suddenly I feel motivated to do work immediately, better stop blogging.
motivation:a psychological feature that arouses an organism to action. Interesting.
Somehow, pure instinct made me jump to a particular month that I really wanted to know about, and never has anything i read made me read through the entire life blog of a person I've completely no idea about, (just to make sure ;>) But weird, I feel really happy as i read it, grinning ear to ear. Felt so cheated/disappointed when it didn't turn out to be the correct person i expected :p but kinda knew it was the wrong person after several month. eerr sorry anyway!!! :) there are just so many coincidences ;)

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 06:12 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Sunday, April 7, 2002


[Zzz...]
Been sleeping a lot recently, and not doing any work, especially when the week after are the block tests. Slept the whole of yesterday away after reaching home, and napped till 5 today. Argh, I'd never be able to finish my revision and homework in time. Think I'd sleep late tonight to make up for the lost time [^_-]

[Miscellanea]
Contrived a plan after some reference, if luck permits, may go beyond the original design and help get the class closer. Noble dream? Ha :P
And yes, true... I sometimes wonder too why I actually spend time hopping around the web reading whatever blogs that my mouse cursor happen to hyperlink me to.
Heh, a little guilty now. Ate up all the tapioca chips I bought and didn't leave any for my sis nor my parents.
Oooh, parents passed to me a lil' red packet from my aunt for getting 'good results' in her view. My first reaction was like shock (WHAT? That's good?), but heh curiousity (okok! greed too :P) made me check what's inside. As usual, I never get to keep a single cent, but blah, its always the same case during CNY.

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 12:46 a.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Saturday, April 6, 2002

(Btw the reference dates are messed up, as I was supposed to post part of it yesterday, but slept before I could cut/paste/post it)
[Gizmo, Thingamabob, Widget, What-not]
Two new 'toys' arrived in class today, one a V70 handphone and another a Clie palmtop. Technology with hefty price tags indeed, and I wonder whether I'd ever even get something similar. Palm perhaps, not phones yet, haven't really got a use for it, and you can write programs for palm. Maybe one day when I have the money :P

[Rain, Rain, Go Away]
Could have left for home at 7, but the chairman thought that going home on a rainy day wouldn't be easy, being wet and all that stuff, and decided, for the welfare of the members, we should stay back and go through the entire GaDa song, the full 20 minutes of it. Welll, the song is rather nice, but bleah, perfect, reached home at nine, sleepy and hungry. Should get a raincoat soon. No, not for myself, but for my bag. Never stayed too long in the rain for fear my notes, books, whatchamacallit will all get wet. One day I shall get soaked to the skin. Mwahahaa :)

[Bus Stereo System?]
Sang (ok, screamed) xin1 lu3 while walking across the bridge with a friend. Ended up missing the first 74 as he didn't really notice that I was frantically pointing at the bus, while singing at the top of our voices. Getting onto the wet bus didn't seem to dampen our spirits, and we sang the entire medley of school songs, Wu Ding, Melodies of Life, Undaunted (yep that national-day song), School Song (many times), When You Believe... Could have more, but many songs he knew, I don't. Hmm shall I mention the bus was rather full :P Some response was drawn, but the most interesting one was when one jerked around when we started singing the school song. Whee, had fun, and didn't get chased out of the bus. :)
And yes, had another song session today(sat), but couldn't start until we got a double-seat, though we only sang for a while, as the bus was muchmuch more packed today. Blah, its 1.30 in the afternoon and where are all the people coming from?

[Untitled] (Yes, I can't think of a fitting title)
Yes, I really envy CTs which are able to do stupid, childish, but fun things together. Although indeed, our class is avant-garde at times, doing the silliest/unconventional of things, but ... (how should i put it) ... its like there's no longer the child-like innocence, and rather, sometimes filled with 'maliciousness', fun at the expense of others. Sigh. Childish? Perhaps. There's always this child within me that refuses to grow up, and it sure has been kept subdued for a looong time. :P

[Miscellanea]
Perhaps I've misconstrued myself all the time, while allowing myself to believe what they say. Or maybe I've never understood the whole thing ever. Talking about it has really made me seen the whole thing in a new light, helping me to understand why it was/turned out that way, and finding questions I'm never thought of/unable to answer. Yeah, he might be right about the seriousness part. Theres no fun in it right?
An interesting article on how our daily diet may be the cause of myopia: click here
Kapoked some interesting stuff from the newscientist/feedback.
A SONY advertisement spotted by reader Mark Donohoe in The Sydney Morning Herald hints at the hitherto unknown existence of fractional colours. It says: "PFM32C1 32 Plasma Display Monitor now only $109.99--1024 x 852 pixels--Optional tuner, speakers, mounting brackets--16.8 colours simultaneously."
On the spine of a book in a school library: "Slaughter Living Things". That's a GCSE textbook Living Things by V. Slaughter.
Canberra's Yellow Pages has a listing for Murray's Luxury Coach Hire, which is suitable for events such as: "Conferences", "Tours and Transfers" and "School Executions". They do not say if they supply the gallows.

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 05:41 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Thursday, April 4, 2002

[Modus Operandi]
Someone said that I can be easily identified by the way I walk towards the class bench in the morning, cutting through the field & skirting the netball court. Well, it's a(unproven) way of getting more oxygen to your brains, and either way a daily dose of fresh morning air wouldn't do any harm.
Whee, screwed up chem prac again, and this time I got a value that is 0.5cmª off from everyone. So used to it I didn't even bother to take a third reading, since it is already consistent, albeit wrong.
Had this new lecturer for maths. Her unvarying tempo of lecturing has this droning effect, easily putting you to sleep, which I did, during which an extremely long, repetitive lecture was given on Trig rules on different segments of the circle.

[Looks can be deceiving]
One classmate said I looked almost like someone from the senior class from a distance, which well, caused by everyone wearing the same colour to school. Yet another person, from the senior class, mistook me for the same person and jumped me while I was sitting on the class bench. Weeeell, it sure is a honour, but heh.

[Shirts - To Tuck Or Not To Tuck]
I must have looked really terrible/weird in anything I wear. School uniforms, or any other clothes, people see me and say "Tuck out your shirt lah!", even though it IS already so. Any more and I'd have a private lil' conversation with JT. To think the last words to me from a letter of a friend who was posted out were "Tuck out your shirt lah!". I repeat the first statement.

[Miscellanea Thoughts -> Silent Musings]
Well, don't expect anything here. I typed "Silent Musings" didn't I :P But oh well...
Indeed, to what extend? I could never answer that question, because I don't know it myself. Perhaps I was too precipitant to have done so in the first place.
"Do not do on others what you don't want to be done on you." Haven't been exactly following this line of thought recently. Perhaps I shouldn't even be doing it after all these.

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 10:50 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Wednesday, April 3, 2002

...sort of went blog-hunting this night, against all plans for revision. never learn, do i :P
...it's sort of amazing how one blog leads to another. another almost every other blog features manga or anime or something lyk that, which takes yrs to download on a 56k. (yeah yeah laugh on, you LPBs :p). hmm myself, can't draw for *expletive*, did practice drawing garnet (ff9) a lotlot of times, still can't draw in the end. blah, not built for art...
...depressing/sad/etc entries are really an interesting read, and they come by the dozens. haha, im not sadistic or what, just that you get to view a facet of the lives people don't usually reveal InRealLife, i mean, people don't walk around pulling a long face everyday hmm? internalise everything, then blast it out on the keyboard like wat i decided to do, perform an output dump on (a part) my mind yesterday, and typed over 6000 characters in <20 mins...
...indeed, its good to get things off your chest, and to find someone really bored enough to listen. mwahaha, esp when they take the same bus as you. feel muchmuch better now, and guess i shd start doing watever revision that shd be done. (yeah, and perhaps he's right, i was naïve then, shud have know, and prevent it). and yes, am still looking for dionne, wonder if she'd charge me gold for that poem. Bards :P...
Quote(s) From Across the Net
"You can't lose what you never had." - from?

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 11:10 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Tuesday, April 2, 2002

...Bad day, the internet connection in the lab was taken down so as allow the seniors to have their exams. Blah, and to think I brought my earphones, expecting to be able to download something to listen to while I program. Sheesh, what a let down :P...
...Argh shucks, realised I wrote something tat can be interpreted in the wrong(est) sense. and to think i can't change it...
...got online and got blasted by a ex-classmate :P heh, guess it's a misunderstanding, got cleared up in the end. had to really resist the impulse to blast back, and instead explain what really was it about...

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 10:52 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Monday, April 1, 2002

Hmm got 134 for this general IQ test. Blah, that isn't very good isn't it...
IQ Test by Advisor Team
...And what am I doing online?? I'm supposed to be studying for the block test two weeks later!! Blah, can't bring myself to study, perhaps I really have to fail the block tests to knock some sense into me...

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 10:16 p.m.

Essence of mind, captured on Monday, April 1, 2002

...A new day dawns, bringing the start of the new month. Not to mention it being the first day of the week, and a day when we all don our new uniforms. May the month bring fresh hopes, a new start to all...
...Times passes dispassionately, but bits and pieces of memories and thoughts that defied time's movement, staying fixed, neverchanging, their bits and bytes faithfully keeping track of one person's words. Click here to view the previous month's entries (ok haha this is just link descriptor :P)...

Thoughts dissipate, and ramblings come to an end at 09:28 p.m.