Saturday, September 10, 2005
okay it's abt half an hour past my bday! thanks for all the sweet msges i've gotten during the past .. 24 hours haha. it's been a gd day, and a gd week!

i'm supposed to be reading econs, cos i've slacked the day away, slept in the afternoon, and went for a big dinner! at a jap restaurant at guess where... behind yong chye haha. buffet, super full now. but yea i'm feeling a bit distracted as the comp is just nxt to me, plus i'm hearing the song 'mr lonely now'. this song will FOREVER remind me of YENZHI! the dear girl loves, or loved the song, and kept singing, and i'd never heard that song before at that time.. but she kept singing and singing, then i was like eh that's not a bad tune haha. and when i heard the REAL thing, it sounded so different! it's nice too.. but it just erm, shows that she's sometimes a bit zhao sia. haha. off key. v funny la but her voice is v nice =)

funniest msg today was from mr aaron meng.. as i can recall, he said 'what an awful time to have a bday!' etc etc. that's the first thing i read this morning cos he sent it the latest the night before.. and it really made me laugh haha. a great way to start a morning. i got a lot of other lame msges too, like from wuhui.. (amazingly michelle and wuhui didn't forget my bday! v nice of them since i forgot both of theirs this yr paiseh =p )

i thought of this today.. i'd like to be an elegant, intelligent old lady next time. the kind that you're 50 plus and u still wear nice ladyish clothes and stuff. and then when i think again, i think i want to be a dynamic probably more loud grandmother who bakes cakes for her kids and their kids. and oh yes. i'd like to be someone who can see humour in everything. to be free to throw my head up and laugh anytime. this kind of contradicts the elegant grandma thing. hmms both are nice. lol.

several interesting stuff happened this week.
1. waiyin came back from hongkong! and brought lao po bing back. okay that's not v interesting. =p

2. on WEDNESDAY. i went for tuition with michelle. met amanda! and bernard, and their taekwondo friend shijie, and hannah.. ama's cedar friend. PLUS michelle's friend who looks like an almost exact replica of HANWAN.. v shocking i keep looking at her lol. as well as michelle's friend from nj (the nxt class), and JOY! from her pre-u sem grp. and thing is, joy is like one of jingmin's best friends! what a small world. (not to mention we met so many st nicks pple there like denise, cheryl quek.. and a few others whom i can't rmb their names, plus many hc pple haha). it's a really small world.
the cool thing? me michelle and joy had initially decided to go to our respective schs to study (hc, nj, cj).. then as we were walking out we suddenly thought, eh? why not study at macs at junction 8?? so that's what we did haha. so we 3 from 3 different schs sat down at yea.. liddat haha. mich's friend eugene joined us later.. i think i made a lot of new friends this week, including the girl next to me in tuition.. alina i think, from acjc. she left her choc eclair sweet there haha.. i koped a lot of food from this tuition class and gave them all to kimberly.

3. mr lim goes to my church! he serves holy communion once a week.
okay here smthg not v nice happened.. the not v nice part is me of course. he asked if i was serving and i said not really. that was like, qt a lie rite? cos i'm supposed to be in the music ministry. how on earth could i have said that??? (actually it probably stemmed from me not feeling really into the music team cos i haven't gone for a few weeks due to studying, and i'm like still on probation) but nevertheless, it was qt bad of me to say that.. another reason was cos we were in the lift packed with pple n i didn't really wanna say 'music', cos that brings up a hyped image, like.. wahh music ministry. from my perspective. i'm a person who, in times like these, stay away from the limelight, albeit too much.
then was feeling qt guilty.. what a way to start church man. but as we sang songs.. yea, many thoughts in my mind, and yea, the songs were the 'voice of truth'! (that song rocks) by the time worship had ended i felt so much better already. Jesus has forgiven us of ALL our sins and REDEEMED us from ALL our sin penalties! praise God =) so the guilty feeling has left haha. then came the stage where i felt. okay. nxt time i see mr lim i have to tell him the truth. haha. but by end of sermon i was like.. it doesn't really matter already. and yes, it doesn't really matter. it mattered that i wasn't exactly honest with him, but it didn't really matter with God anymore so.. yea.. if there comes the chance i will do so, but no obligation.

4. okok here's the last thing already. had this terrible blister on my right foot.. u noe how our hands are itchy.. or maybe it's just me. but i burst it sunday night.. went to sch in the usual shoes on monday.. but i think it just hurt the blister so much more that by end of the day it had become terribly painful and i had to wear my shoe standing on it.. (like, not really wearing it already haha) all the way home. nxt day couldn't walk properly alr, at home i was hopping ard like the rabbit i am, and yea it became infected. SUPPPER pain la. not so bad cos i always thought it'd just go away. the my parents came and instilled fear lol, saying if it became too infected my leg could even get amputated and everything if the infection spread.
but thank God monday and tues i spent the night praising Him on my dear keyboard and praying through song. i like praying through song these days. (but here's the paradox again, don't put your faith in your doing! even it's the praising. i didn't get my healing thru me suddenly having worship at night, only because Jesus is good:)) but yea by the 3rd morning which i was planning to go see doctor on, i woke up with no pain at all on my leg! could walk normally!!!! such a relief, i'd been afraid i'd be forever unable to walk or jog and exercise, the night b4. but praise God man, now no more infection, just a burst bubble there which will heal completely in no time. =)

okays!! it's late and i better get going. though i dun feel sleepy. haha i shall do econs till i'm tired. planning to jog tmr morning, then go ps and study with waiyin and amanda till my piano lesson.. then go for maf! what a wonderful week haha.

12:59 a.m.

Saturday, September 3, 2005
dunno how smart it is to be online now but oh well nvm haha. and since i'm online, i shall blog a bit!

hmm qt a lot of stuff has happened, or at least of small mundane humourous stuff all added together. gp paper was qt difficult to me, the compre.. but well it's over haha so i shall not dwell on it. i rmb before the paper, eugene saying 'eh everyone must rmb the gp formula!' then i was like huh..... apparently everyone else knew already cos he'd been saying that since morning, and i'd been in the band room.. so anw i asked, 'what formula'.. then he gave that silly grin and said...'gp formula... ar, n-1..'... lol v funny la, only eugene can think of stuff like this.

hmm what other stuff have i rmbed? desmond saying 'by faith i have 6packs!' haha i rmb the by faith part.
another would be the song lyrics to the song 'kingdom of heaven our goal (god is our father)'. that song is like, the gospel! the fundamentals of it all! to me haha. i think it is. and here it is:

yep that's it. actually that cd, all the songs v simple, and some tunes a bit.. not that nice either haha. i think it's a v old edition, but some simple ones like these are rather nice.

next week's the holidays! and the following is the exams... prelims. haha. seems like qt little time to finish it all, but it's something we all have to go thru, so yea.. we'll just have to study as much and as smart as we can this coming weeks. oh, btw today there was the IT fare, food fare, AND psc scholarship seminar at suntec!!!!! it was super crowded la. the way to the escalator between suntec and city link mall was human jammed.. and 3 out of 4 escalators had broken down.. and then outside watsons and all.. that long path, think i was there abt 15min, it was literally crawling, i was qt amused actually, the person behind was like saying on the phone.. DON'T come to suntec.. it's crazy.. i think a snail can crawl faster etc etc. somehow i wasn't affected by it though, had an unusual joy in me, i was just v amused by like everything ard me haha, even though i was stuck in the jam for like 15 extra min.. and was that late for campus. but all's gd haha.
and also went to candy empire for the first time! it's really a LOT of candy there. bought a willy wonka bar for my sis, it's really nice.
i realised a trick. to stay joyful inside, no matter how tired you are, no matter what you do, no matter what happens, just praise the Lord! haha. that was like as i was going suntec. as i was walking home from church too, though tired and all.. i just kept u noe, praying/praising even though i still FELT tired, but when i looked in the mirror in the lift, my face was actually qt awake n smiling, a lot less tired than i usually see. hmm? haha. well i'm glad God transcends all forms of feeling even! we dun need to feel Him to know he's working inside us somewhere, just trust by faith He is. and no guilt.. cos like, if you feel guilty you're saying you shud have done it, and not God. like today, sze xiong came for campus, for a while i thought, hmm maybe i had to bring him ard and all, but in the end i just went ahead and talked to others.. which might have left him a bit by himself! and sometimes might have felt guilty for leaving him alone, but i think i'll just trust that God will work in bringing him closer to the caregroup pple, not me.. and that'll be even better! cos God does all things perfectly haha.
okok i better go off now...... going for first service tmr.

01:15 p.m.

Friday, August 19, 2005

had a nice praise and worship session before campus today, it's nice to get u into the flow of worship, and yea, u feel, better to spend time in the Lord than anything else. of course, there's the matter of prelims and exams and all... i've asked janie, jingmin, most pple, it's true, actually when u come towards these time where u have to study hard (it's the As man!) is it better to spend more time with the Lord since u need him all the more now?
conclusion is that, no, just spend the same amt of time that u do usually.. actually if u think abt it's true. like cos, you know that he has already given u the victory, fought ur battles for u and all.. you dun need to worry animore even as u continue studying hard. hmm but i think it's gd to like, maybe pray before u study each time for a few min.. i think for myself it helps me. like u've given ur time into God's hands. cos i know that these days i'm prone to become more worried, like.. oh no! i have so little time! which is really true haha. too much to do, too little time. then i tend to like, rush thru the things i study, but i know it's not good cos dun really absorb stuff and u feel the slight agitation as u start out. so jacq also suggested listening to christian music as u study. it works for her, it works for me too =) calms u down. it's different from some of the secular music, some of those is just distracting.

oh u noe, jingmin was the first person to introduce me towards the importance or impact of lyrics. before that i was just a purely tune/harmony etc person, nv consider lyrics at all. even as she told me abt it.. sometimes i'd say, huh i nv really listen to lyrics haha, though some of it is like qt touching and all.
then one day as i was listening to christian music, gradually just listened to the lyrics and let it come into me, and i only just realised that one day. particularly for christian music, i think lyrics is so impt cos it's praise and worship rite? u can praise him with ur song, but the lyrics can give u thoughts and words of worship. and the thing is, as u listen, u know that these words are like words of truth! they really ring true. nowadays when i listen to certain songs on the radio i realise it's qt rubbish haha. but maybe funny in a way. depends on the song la.

i think the impact on u after church is that, hmm u just have this sense of peace. oh i realised abt joy.. being suddenly filled with his joy as u listen to some word of truth. it's really a joy that can be like no other that isn't from God. though right now, i'm qt tired, and though like, not particularly a special feeling of annointing or joy or anything, but i do have this sense of peace and rest.

ermmmmmmmmmmmmmm. my mp3 player seems to be depleted of space haha. oh man.
and i just realised why. my comp is like auto synchronising and copying all my other songs into the player! but oh yay it means i have space.
okay i've been slacking haha. and so late already, tmr morning must wake up early to go church suuper early at 720 cos my parents gonna serve holy communion.. luckily only once a month haha. k i shall exit.

08:56 p.m.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005
ok i've decided must only stay online for 10 more min max! haha. prelims coming up in like 3-4 weeks time so it's time to buck up man. i've been slacking for some time, sleeping really early, watching tv etc. tho many people esp in class think i study a lot haha. not really true to me :)

anw. i'm in a good mood now, but i was thinking and i realised my this blog has been such a happy blog. for many many entries. that i've decided to add some human touch to it.. human life, is a mix of sorrow and happiness. haha. hmm dunno if i'm spouting rubbish, but here goes, smthg i had in my mind for qt a long time..

it's abt friendship. hmm. i rmb miche kept saying wanna give all her friends post cards and stuff, in case nxt time we don't meet up or not close animore. i was thinking abt it, and wondered, why think of it that way? though it's true we'll see less of each other, but i think a friendship bond is hard to break, esp if both sides know that they cherish that friendship. friends can be friends forever, it's a life long relationship. for instance, me michelle and wuhui.. ever since coming to jc, we've seen really little of each other considering that like 500plus days of the two years have already passed. but when we do meet up.. though it was a bit weird at the first 5min cos it was a REALLY long time since we saw each other. but i feel as comfortable with them as i did last time. really -- nothing's changed. they'll remain good friends of mine forever.. it's really a joy to see them each time.

just recently, i've come across another friendship problem, of another friend. things have gotten much better now, but i suppose that it takes two hands to clap. friendship is really a two-sided thing.. one can't give and give without receiving, and one can't keep receiving only either. it just doesn't work that way.. it's known that relationships are like headache-y stuff, but let's just say friendship. how did something so simple get so complicated? myself. and someone whom i'd considered a gd friend.. suddenly things are just different. and the only consolation i can give myself so far is that i've tried to do my part at maintaining what it is to be a gd friend, or even just a normal friend. but somehow the other person doesn't seem to feel the same way, for whatever reason which i won't know right now. is it sensitivity? is it fear? what is it man. the thing that's so incredible is that from a close friend, or whom i considered a close friend, things could get to a point where i treat the person less than i do all my other friends. not that i don't want to, but hmm. i dunno, i don't feel i have the chance to.

hmm. it is a headache haha. but i know, whatever it is, come to God first and he does all things good. so i will leave it in His hands. i know that every time i've prayed about this before, or just anytime i've prayed, He answers prayers, even simple ones of having a sound sleep and waking up refreshed even though i've had a particular late night. He's just good.

okay i noe.... exams coming! hope all the acjc pple are doing well haha. sometimes it seems like i have so much left to do i dunno where to start! so anw. i should start somewhere. off i go =D

09:36 p.m.