Wednesday, October 10, 2001...05:20 p.m.

I think i need to complain...or vent, whatever you want to call it. I was in a pretty normal mood today until my art teacher said something to me that really upset me. It wasn't so much what she said,it went alittle deeper than that. Around September 12th she assigned a project. i was supposed to do something that showed my feelings towards what had happened the previous day. I have been having this incredibly frustration artist block for several month and at the time i couldn't think of any "amazing" ideas to do for this project. I also didn't have any extreme feelings towards the situation. (i'm not cold...well Yuki might say that i am...i just didn't know what to say about the terrorist attack) I put the project off. That is to say i didn't do it. However i did do every other assignment that she gave us. To get back to my story. This morning in art she asked me for that piece of artwork. I told her that i didn't do it. she fumed and told me that i had to do atleast some of her assignments. Which pissed me off because i did do all her stupid assignment. That kinda set my mood off. I started to think about how she never seems to care what i'm doing anyway. She never seems to like anything i do. When Yuki does something or Melissa...she's so excited. But i get nothing. It's bad enough that i hate every thing i do. She could atleast support something, anything. She used to like my work. And this stops me from doing certain works in class because i think she won't like them. So my block grows. I never get any information either. She tells Yuki and Melissa about colleges that are good for them and places that they should go with portfolios. But what do i get, nothing. (maybe i'm just whining. this is just how i feel it is.) The art teacher did the same thing towards the end of last year too. She seems to pick favorites. Oh, this is what really got to me last year. She told me over and over again how i should get something ready for this art contest. So i got kinda happy that maybe i could do something with one of my painting. And what does she do...she never mentioned it again when it came time to get the projects together to ship them off. Yuki got something in the contest and so did Beth. What did i get, nothing. nothing. (I was telling this to Beth earlier today and i started to cry. I don't cry often. I didn't want to but i did.) I'm begining to hate art again. I wanted to go to art school. Now i feel worse about it becuase i must suck, so i'd never get excepted...Alittle acknowledgment about anything i do would be nice. It would make me feel less like crap and more like i should be in art in the first place. Maybe i can just become a govenment employee or something...or maybe i can just fall in a hole and die. I know it's truely not the end of the world. But it is important when art seems to be the only thing i was once good at. Now what do i do?

~ ishiko

Monday, October 8, 2001...06:27 p.m.

Amanda and i are doing a research project on the Mayan city of Tulum, for Latin American Civilization. My job was to do the visual part of the project. First i thought it would be nice to build my own site out of sugar cubes. Unfortunately i don't have the time or patience to do so. My next idea was to watercolour a picture of the central castle. That wasn't working too well either. My drawing skills seem to be in a slump as of late and painting isn't an option anymore. (it's just really frustrating) So finally i've gone completely uncreative and decided to just print out a whole bunch of photographs of the ruins and stick em together on a canvas or something. I would have liked this project to not be so ordinary but it'll have to do. (it's not like this is a really big project either...sooo i doubt Amanda will care too much. I hope she isn't putting too too much effort into the written portion.)

~ ishiko

Saturday, October 6, 2001...06:19p.m.

Kombanwa...

I don't have a real purpose for posting anything now but i just got off work and i'm in an exceptionally good mood. (i feel like writing something...)Next Thursday is my birhtday, i'm looking forward to it only because i will receive some well-needed money from my relatives. (money=good)

Oh that reminds me. Lately Beth-chan has been talking about how great it would be to start a band. She's right though, it would be great but unfortunately she doesn't know how to play a guitar and she doesn't have one either. Yuki and i told her that we'd join her band as soon as she learned enough. hahaha...i wonder if Beth will really take us up on that offer. Beth and i were joking a few days ago and said that we'd skip college and rent and apartment in NYC and start our band. We always have a tendency to say that we'll do something, like start a band, and never actually go through with it. As a group we have wanted to start a band for several years now but we never do anything to make it happen. Maybe someday...

~ ishiko

Tuesday, October 2, 2001...07:39 p.m.

Well, september is over so i guess i had to archive all that month's entries. I really don't have anything to say but i'm in a good mood now if that counts for anything??

This week at school is "spirit week". It's something that happens every year and it's stupid. Monday was color wars. each grade level wore a different color. Beth, Yuki and I had Malice Mizer Monday instead. We dressed up in "normal" Malice Mizer attire. (Beth was Kozi, Yuki was Mana, and I was Klaha) Today in school was "twin day"...but for us it was really Gackt Tuesday. We really didn't have any Gackt related clothing but we wore name tags. (Beth=Ren, Yuki=Masa, Me=Gackt) Wednesday is "clash day" for the school and Dir en grey wednesday for us (Beth=Kyo, Yuki=Kaoru, Me=Shinya). Thursday is our Lareine friday (B=Emiru, Y=Machi, Me=Kamijo). We figured we'd just make something fun and crazy out of something stupid and community based that our HS has to do. And we like to cosplay so it just works....^_^ (i'm sure that anyone who read this probably thinks that we are all psycho and obsessive...but hey, if you lived in this small boring town too you'd need to find something interesting to do that wasn't just like everyone else, ne?)

~ ishiko