Demi- v.6

Friday, June 25, 2004
12:53 p.m.

Omg! When you feel lonely, talk to friends and feel better? WOW. Why didn't I think of this earlier? XD

Thursday, June 24, 2004
12:03 a.m.

Might as well throw all whining here, since if I do it on LJ it is evilly forced upon people over the Friends Lists. This is kinder. XD

WARNING; POINTLESS ANGSTING. Because it's my fucking blog and I will put here whatever I like, so don't read if you reckon it will make you feel bad.

I honestly hope to god she doesn't read this.

So very lonely, damn it. Don't take it personal, I like my friends and they can make me happy to an extent but there's just this something I miss... And it's been going on for three years. For three years, I've been painfully lonely. Because... she used to be my best friend, and I never saw how much I need her. We fangirled together and I could tell her anything and we could be silly together and we had nicknames for each other and I never had to worry about anything. She changed my life. No, she determined the entire course of it. She was the one who showed me a door and I walked through it, I walked into another world. She was an important part of me. Being with her was good. Even if she wasn't perfect and some said she was a bad influence on me.

She was MY best friend.

The kind where everyone knows it, and it's so deep that even years afterwards people ask you if you have her phone number. Because they all know.

School ended and we parted. So now... I have nothing. I have noone. I am noone. I may be your friend, but in the end, I am just another name on your list of people you like. One, two, three, four... many.

I see I haven't been looking for "love" these years. It was something else. It was THIS. And I can't find it because every... candidate... already has that spot in their lives filled.

I miss being "different". I'm a selfish picky-to-boot little bitch, and I miss it.

Saturday, June 5, 2004
12:23 p.m.

*glomps you both* <3<3 Thank you so much! It made me very happy. <3

Just like movies and books make you think, reading manga can too. A lot. n.n I realised I was so very childish! I'm sorry. I think I grew up a little these days... That is, I hope. I will do my best not to act selfish any more. In the worst case, I can just act. That way there will be no problem for anyone. Causing trouble is the last thing I want.

Besides, it's not like I deserve that what I wish for.

Saa. I have to wake up early only 8 more times. Scary, how fast this school year flew by. ._.

Sunday, May 30, 2004
10:31 a.m.

Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Well, my poor bloggie. ;_; Must force myself to write here more. *pets blog* And not feed you only with school. And give you a new layout. <3 But LJ is good. Now if only they gave more than 3 icons for free, I'd die. Anyway. I was supposed to go visit teh ehvil doctor again, but didn't feel like it so nothing. XD; And he's too expensive... <.< >.> *überstingy*

Math exam last Friday? Mew. I was on the verge of tears. Helplesness is one of the worst feelings. ;_;

Thankfully, it seems like the other 30 people also had no luck in suceeding to solve the exam. So yes, as I told you, you goddamnidiot. If 90% of the students don't understand the bloody math after you 'explain' it, guess WHO the problem is? You say I should look into that freaking book if I don't get something. Guess what. a) The book makes me even more confused. b) If I could learn from books only, I wouldn't have to go to school. I'd just learn at home with my books. Simple as that.

On something happier, I like the Business Organisation guy a bit more. He said he'd give two 5 to a person who guesses a name of something, and I was lucky enough to guess. I thought he was joking, but he just laughed and wrote me two pretty 5. o.o;;

And... I concluded that I don't really want a relationship with someone. Nor am I good girlfriend material. I mean, too much work and all the stuff.... So I'm fine like this. I am. Even if sometimes I feel like I would kill for a gentle touch, someone running fingers through my hair, or the opportunity to lean my head on a warm shoulder while we're watching TV. Really... I just need someone to love me a lot and tell it to me every day so that I don't angst. Just pure love, you know? It would be nice if I was different.

Monday, May 17, 2004
07:24 p.m.

4 on essay. Mou. I've been getting just 5 all my life, and now the last three grades were 3-3-4... I've been in a horrible, horrible creative slump... for about a year. x_o It sucks.

Aha! Thanks to you two <3 <3 I got to make my English teacher feel bad. She damn well should. Hmph. I told her that Internet says 'harbour' is just like 'colour'. She said that she was just reading off the answers sheet (which had a couple of other mistakes) - and that now that she thinks about it I'm right, and she's sorry she wasn't using her own brain. XD She asked if I'll go complain, but I'm not that kind of person. Eh, I don't ever complain - even if I, say, get a dirty glass in a cafe. :/ Anyway, it was fun. :D So. I give love and pink fluffy rabbit plushies to Shi-Shi and Juri~~ Sincerely and not trying to be mean. ^^ *cuddle*

Thursday, May 13, 2004
10:55 p.m.

I entered a spelling bee contest in my school just for fun, but it did sting a little when I lost, of course. XD;; At least now I'll remember that 'harbour' is spelled WITH a 'u'. *sweatdrops* And I knew all other words people got, too. Just not that one... Eh. I got a 5 later, anyway. Not that it changed my overall grade, but at least it's something.

And most of my teachers are stupid. Just... GAH. Die. -___-

Oh, now I feel my "woe I am so useless" mood coming on. But really. I can't do anything handy or helpful... Hmm. That sucks. :/ But! I suppose, there are many different kinds of people. And it surely is possible to love someone like me, even if sometimes I'm selfish and horrible and... well, useless sums it up nicely. So there, damn it. >.<

Lots of *chuu~*s to everyone. ;_;<3

Saturday, May 8, 2004
11:00 p.m.

TB, sent. Mrowr. <3

I had to go to brother's school-play. He goes to the same school as I did, so I saw a couple of my old teachers for the first time in... what, two or three years? My main teacher didn't recognize me! ^^; I grew a lot, and changed..... Anyway, it was unbelievably scary going there and not knowing anyone. New children, new parents... Just... terrible.

And~ We had an unannounced photoshoot for the yearbook the other day. ^.^ That's so... American! XD Saa~ They kept making me laugh (and do I look silly when I laugh...), which combined with my "talent" for looking high/drunk/dead on photos... Eh. Crap. :/

Thursday, May 6, 2004
08:05 p.m.

Whee, long entry with a lot of randomness. Mostly extremely boring school stuff, since I have no life and all.

GAH. For a month I thought I'd get a 5 on my Business Organisation exam, and today it turns out it is a 3. That's one of the worst feelings related to school you can get. Honestly. I answered all questions. It looked great! But it wasn't enough information written in there. Mou. *depressed* ~_~

Yesterday we had to write another essay in school. The themes were: "I (don't) believe in love" (I thought about writing it but remembered the last time I touched love was a complete disaster, and love STILL fucking confuses the shit out of me. Pardon the language.), "How to say no to addiction" (and I obviously can't so that theme fell out of the question), and a quote by Charles Baudelaire that I can't translate. Umm. Something in the lines of "Get drunk!" but not meaning alcohol – meaning poetry, love, dance... Anything you enjoy. n_n So I wrote loads of crap about that. I hate it when we get stupid themes like these. I wonder if I'll get a 3 again... This school year has been bad for me. ;_; I hate my writing on Croatian. Hate.

Supposedly, TB1 will be dropped at my doorstep between the 17th and 27th. I go whee~ and expect it eagerly.

I'm sure there was something interesting I meant to say, but I forgot. Ah well.

Oh, I can't wait to get my TB~ *bounces* ~~And after it, I wait for the German release.~~ Edit: OH! It's been out for three weeks! *had no idea* o.o They changed the cover... x_x *...will order anyway* /edit. I would love the Japanese one, but I imagine it's complicated as I live here. :/

As in TB, Yume. It's "Look, I'll cut a deal with you" in case I remember correctly. That's just... not good. XD I grew up on "make a bet" – if I can express myself that way. ^^

Well. Back to Brunelleschi and Masaccio now.

Saturday, May 1, 2004
02:23 p.m.

Brother: Blow this flower, make a wish, and if all petals fly away it'll come true! :D
Iruka: *blows all*
Brother: Whee! What'd you wish for?
Iruka: Secret.
Brother: Oh, surely for a boyfriend.
Iruka: HAH. Who needs a boyfriend.
Mother: That means you asked for a girlfriend, did you. ^_^
Iruka: ^_^#

Now mom thinks I'm a lesbian. Umm.

I don't want to dye my hair, and no good characters have hair like mine. Eh. *crawls through LJ* The Bet line IS odd... But all other things are great. *so~ happy* :D Then again, Tokyopop did a very good job on Chobits so I hoped it would be as good with TB. *relieved*

Oh, then I won't get sued. Thanks for the info. :D And.... what I meant about the USA... Um, foreigners just came there, killed off the indians, had some national wars and that's basically it, isn't it... I'm often mean to America and Americans, I know. Prejudice. :/

Friday, April 30, 2004
08:32 p.m.

*flails arms around* Oh my GOD I forgot to order Tokyo Babylon~! ..... Good, amazon.co.uk has it. Need it, man. NEED TO SEE WHAT AMERICANS DID WITH IT. RAAAH.

*ahem*

Ah, yes. Money is always an issue. Hmm... who could I cosplay as. Huh. Actually, I would not make a good Subaru because of my face. My body is good though. Small and thin and pale and long legs considering height. XD But I don't have to think about it because I won't ever cosplay seriously. -_-

Hoe, you can surely find someone. :/ AND you have cons in Poland. *points at Aicon which is the only one she knows* Lucky. ...... I wanna come visit you.

Nothing yet. *sigh* I just hope they can't sue me or something, for ordering and not paying... o.o; And hah. I could. :D Not all, because I like my girly clothes better... But... XD

And now I shall rant about the evilness of the European Union. Hah. Because tomorrow's The Big Day and all. Why do people think that everything will be magically better immediately after being accepted? The rich countries only want us poor countries for slaves. Sure, for example the poor Ireland became rich 15 years after being accepted - but that's only because it was before. Today, everything is different. Croatia has wonderful tourism potential - instead of taking things in our own hands and using what we have, we will sell ourselves to the EU. How stupid. Then, there's that infamous problem of a country losing its personality. I wonder if EU will become like the USA? But nah, USA has no history so it's different. XD The biggest problem, though, is the Euro. Everything will be as expensive as it is in Italy and Germany. And that isn't fun for us accustomed to paying a coffee for less than 1€ in a bar.

Eh, I'm tired already. Screw the EU.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004
06:05 p.m.

Ugh. Not that again. Well, I e-mailed them and asked them what I should do if I am unable to pay by anything else but credit card... *sigh* I suppose there is ONE reason for why it would be good for Croatia to enter the EU... :/ *stops before she rants*

Today, Subaru stole my mind. >_< I couldn't think of anything else but cosplay. (And it happened right before a test, too. Thankfully I managed to write it very well.) Anyway, strange stuff. XD;; I had this uncontrollable need to acquire tight black pants and a sleeveless black turtleneck.

OOC start.

Yes, for the first time in my life I had an urge to go shopping. I mean, I felt... desperate. Scary. o.o;; I found perfect black pants, but they were too baggy on my skinny legs. ~_~ So I just had to buy trousers, two shirts and the prettiest underwear imaginable. <3 <3~~~ That satisfied my strange mood and Subaru let go.

And how was your day? :D

Monday, April 26, 2004
04:03 p.m.

Today is a seriously extraordinarily good day. <3

*checks e-mail*

Thank you for ordering from AllPosters.com! For your security, we can only accept payment via check for your order. We accept checks or money orders that are drawn from U.S. banks and payable in U.S. dollars. To continue with your order please follow these simply instructions.

....... UM. HELLO. WTF? *confused to death* ;_;

Monday, April 26, 2004
12:04 a.m.

poster wallscroll

Item Sub Total: .98
25% off (.24)
Shipping: .98

Total Order: .72

Let's just all hope that mom won't be angry. Since we're still not talking and all and I order stuff... :D;; But it couldn't wait! The 25% off ends tomorrow! ;_;

Saturday, April 24, 2004
06:30 p.m.

Today is a good day, finally. (except that mother and I still aren't great) I went to allposters.com after years and they finally have manga stuff! Not only that, but CLAMP! A lovely Rayearth one, Chobits, and a even a beautiful Clover... And Lain, which I haven't seen but luv. <3 No X or TB, but anyway. Now the best part is, it seems like they ship to Croatia. Omfgyes. ;o; ..... AND there's a spring sale with everything 25% cheaper 'till the 26th.

It is all too good to be true.

Mrrrr. My credit card is not here. Will have to wait 'till Sunday evening. Definitely getting Clover and another one... can't decide which... Expensive... >_>

And hey, another good thing. Well, not about me exactly, but it's good. On my way to school I saw a rainbow-colored crosswalk and wondered what the hell that is...

newspaper photo, megasuck since I have no scanner here

Well, now I do. XD Queer Zagreb Festival started. Whee, let's get this city open-minded, baby~~ *amused* The Church is freaking out, heh heh... :D :D

Friday, April 23, 2004
05:29 p.m.

Math class. 20 minutes. 12 students. 22 grades - all 1.

English class. Teacher gets up and leaves the classroom because someone kept talking.

Mother. Hurting me with everything she says for two days already.

What IS with people lately? I can't take it any more! Nothing is going right. Nothing... And not even THAT.

It's killing me.

I feel the famous I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN for the first time in years.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
07:12 p.m.

Ohohohoho :D :D I earned a 5 because I did very well on my presentation (which wasn't meant to be graded). I love you and your fuckeduplife, Dostoyevsky. <3

He must be trying to help. He is paid for it, after all! *is probably being naive* XD XD

Weird, huh? *wonders what you mean* He's the doctor, he knows what he's doing. :/

It's not serious, I think (can never be sure if my mind mutated the doctor's words) - I just made it sound bad. Because... well, because... Uhmm... Ah, I'm a strange girl, darn it. x_x;;

Monday, April 19, 2004
06:32 p.m.

I bet you're just dying to know stuff about my medical condition. -_-

Back from doctor. No biggie; I had to be wrapped in a white blanket naked, so the bio vibrations and stuff don't get messed. XD He poked the acupuncture spots on all of my fingers with a metal stick connected to the computer. Because, you know, the spots are linked to all organs in your body. So he found all kinds of problems. :O

First, I have a mistake in my brain. Hypothalamus, to be specific. It is a thingy that controls concentration (so that's why I can't stay concentrated long)... and.... what amuses me TO DEATH... emotion. That's right. I have a fucking error in my emotions center. Now that explains stuff. n_n Also, the concentration thing keeps me from wanting to study. The pills I got will help me, supposedly.
Then, my eyes have weak nerves or something. No huge surprise here. Next, I have some evil bacteria in my stomach. And my body is TEH SUCK. No surprise either, seeing that I just sit crouched in front of the computer all day. :/ I'm very stiff and my spine is WOAH ALL WRONG. Doctor is also a chiropractic so he twisted me and squeezed me and I thought my bones would break. They made a lot of sickening cracking noise.

Oh, and my immunity system is very weak. Wearing my watch doesn't help, either. The material it's made of and me aren't compatible. :O When I don't have it, the computer says 100% (of something) and when I do, it says 60%.

Another thing. Lena, the girl with cancer that I mentioned a while ago? That guy was the one that discovered it. Also, the reason for it in the first place is... Chernobyl. FUCKING CHERNOBYL. Yes, I am upset. That's far away, but the radiation still REACHED here 17 years ago. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

On a different note, hearing "Chernobyl" reminds me of Tokyo Babylon. Freak.

Yes, dear, hot lesbian sex indeed. XD

Thank you! *n_n* Urushihara can't make a story worth crap, imho. But he draws pretty, so it is okay. Seriously, the relationship between Shiori and Carol is awfully portrayed. -_- The two just run around sacrificing themselves for each other in any way possible. There are some adorable moments, but in the end it just doesn't work.

Sunday, April 18, 2004
11:26 p.m.

Did almost a month ago and I'm not too thrilled about it any more. Anyway.

Mom said she's taking me to some freaky doctor tomorrow because I'm weird lately. (getting sick but blood being perfect) It has to do with energy and electropunctural-something. (too lazy to explain now, really.) I read about it though, and I quote "The treatment is not painful for the patient.". Okay.... We'll see what the hell these vibrations do to me.

And school tomorrow again. Fuck.