| when you're with me, I'm free. |
You know, I just heard Creed's new single on the radio. Kick butt song if you can find the real version. I checked morpheus, but the first version I downloaded wasn't the real song ^^;;. don't know if the one I'm getting now is real or not, but we'll see. I got Eagle-eye Cherry's new single, Feels So Right. Good song. I like ^_^. Um, I had something else to say too, but I don't remember what it was :P. The song's real! It's awful quality, cuz it was transferred to mp3 format from wma or something, but it's no better than what I got on the radio...
We're studying the age of reason in literature, and I like it. I'm fond of Deism, though I don't know if it really exists anymore today. It basically puts an emphasis on discovering truth through reason rather than relying just on the Bible or church. One of the major aspects is that God basically granted us reason to find truth, and he created the earth as a perfect machine, left to work on its own. That's nice, I like that. I've always been really amazed by science in a way, because it always seems to bring to me this realization just how amazingly perfect everything is. I think that's the only reason I believe in a higher power at all anymore. Yes, because of science I believe in God. Go figure. But as for God just leaving the earth to work on its own, I believe that. I mean, it explains everything to me. It explains why bad things happen to good people, because according to Deism, it's basically mankind's fault that bad things happen, not God's. That makes sense. I always thought it was kind of worthless to go blaming higher powers for bad things, and Deism just rests the responsibility for things that happen solely on people, not on God. I guess I never felt much of a devine presence in my own life, anyways. I feel more impowered and responsible knowing that what happens in my life is my doing, even for the bad things. I'd rather not feel like my accomplishments are the doings of luck or devine intervention. I don't know, it's just me. Also, Deism praises doing good things for other people. That's cool.
Rin-chan, you and me will have to go shopping for the posse, and we'll get something really cool for lindsay. I bet she'd get a kick out of some harry potter legos or somethin' ^_^. ditto for flumpy. I don't know if either of us knows catherine well enough to get her a present, but we'll wait til x-mas rolls around to see if there's gonna be a get-together to decide that. We still have the new year's party to worry about for a lot of the presents :). Lalala.
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Tuesday, October 23, 2001 09:39 p.m..
| Spell "evil" in random order. |
Blarg. I think I'm gonna change my page layout this weekend. Just...something simple, eliminate the frames. Change the colors, because they're annoying me. I think I'll go with all browns, like this blog. Just...something easy. I might rearrange the entry layout for my blog too. The white box with the title is kind of annoying. I still want the title, but maybe a different look for it all. I don't know. Anyway, all's well in the violin world. My A string is fixed, and rather than disappointing my violin teacher despite not practicing, I made a lot of progress ^_^. I feel good about that. The bass post in my violin is what's making the twangy noise, so we're going to look into having that fixed this weekend, along with getting my good bow rehaired. Yay ^_^. Lalala...my guitar lessons went well too. I can switch chords a lot faster now ^_^. My handwriting changes when I'm in chemistry O_o. It gets all neat and scrunched together. Weird. Lalala...I think I wanna change the font on this blog. I've hardly worked on my new kiss doll at all. It's...such a pain in the ass O_o. She has her arms crossed over her front, which means that anything that doesn't *cover* her front has to have the front drawn in O_o. What a pain. I could just leave it out and not do layers, but I might as well. Oh well, maybe I can make her hands look different...well, no I guess not ^^;;.
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Thursday, October 18, 2001 07:08 p.m..
| oh hell, it's all one giant cruel joke on MEEEEEE. |
Damnit. Damnit damnit damnit. I hate..everything right now. I just..no, there's nothing that could calm me down. And you know what, I'm mad over THE stupidest stuff and I can't help it. What am I mad about? Well, you'll hear all about it...ALL about it. It wasn't school. School factors into this thing very minimally. It's just..everything else. We're having a bakesale in orchestra, which is straight forward enough. Duh, it's a bakesale. Me, I said I'd bring cookies. Okay, so I get home, we have all the ingredients. Life's good. I MAKE the cookies...and, well, no. It was just not going to work. They all turned out a messy blob of sugary greasy stuff. Bad. I add more flour and make a second batch. Not AS bad, but still, none come out as whole cookies. Damnit, none of them. My culinary skills are just...nonexistent. Never come over to my house for dinner, anything I make will kill you. Guaranteed. I threw out the rest of the cookie dough, because it just wouldn't have made another batch. I was about ready to throw things after that.
Okay, the next problem takes a little history to truly understand, and even then I doubt a lot of people could sympathize with me >_<. I've had HORRIBLE history with violin teachers. It's just...awful. Bad. My first teacher was good, and from him I learned to have a good sound and good tune. My second violin teacher did nothing. I hate him. He critisized me and rarely taught me anything. I'd end up playing a piece for months on end, for an entire summer, for an entire SEASON. I'd never get better cuz he never taught me how. Bastard. My third teacher hated my first teacher, and she taught in the highschool for a nearby town. Her orchestra sucked. I should've known better. I learned very little from her, but she did teach me to have a very good bowing technique. Yay. Bitch. Both of the last two teachers actually asked me if I wanted to continue, and questioned my ability and intelligence almost every week. I hate them both.
I mean, honestly, not EVERYone can have such a FLEXIBLE schedule that they can just live and BREATHE the damn violin, and it's not an easy instrument. I play WELL. W.E.L.L. I am NOT bad at it. I don't sound wonderful, I certainly couldn't play my own concert, but,well, think of it like this: you have a friend, and they can sing. You know they'd never have a career in it, but they sound good. You enjoy listening to them. They aren't bad, but you know they'd probably never get their own concert. That's me. I don't want to quit, I don't wanna be famous, I just wanna play. I want to be proud of it.
I then met with a stroke of luck. I now have THE most amazing teacher. I just...she's awesome. She doesn't ever say anything that makes me feel stupid or bad, she compliments my playing all the time. She just couldn't be better, and I really want to make her proud. Unfortunately, I can't. I can't make her proud. I haven't practiced once this week, there's always something in the way. Yesterday, spell bowl meet (we won ^_^), day before was Sunday and I was exhausted, ditto for Saturday. Friday, homework up to my ears. Thursday, guitar lessons. I never have time to practice, so I sat down in my room tonight to practice. I practice my orchestra music first to warm up and because I have a test Friday. Okay, I'm getting ready to play my *favorite* piece for orchestra, the one that we'll probably never see again (and it's really hard to read cuz the notes are hand written >_<). And, well, my violin makes a funny twang. It's not *supposed* to, but since I replaced my D string, it just HAS. It's annoying. So I tune it. Aaaaand tune it. And tune it. The pegs on my violin are really hard to turn, they're all really old. Sooo, I tune the strings down to loosen the pegs, and up. Doesn't help and the strings are STILL out of tune. Blarg. I tune and tune. I'm tuning for an hour. I pluck the strings, I use the bow. Nothing helps, it just gets worse. I go on the internet to find a recording of the notes for the strings. Find 'em, tune the G and D string just fine. Move to the A string. Damn you, A string. It breaks. I cried. Literally, I just broke down. After *all* this critisism from my last two teachers, after all this effort after an entire week of wanting to practice and make my teacher proud, and the damn string BREAKS. I have NO backups. Now my D string sounds twangy, my A string is broken, I haven't practiced, and I'm just sad and frustrated and feeling really disappointed in myself and everything. Now I have to get ahold of my dad, BUT my parents don't live together. Sooo, I called him. And called him. And called him. He's not there. I neeeeeed him to go out tomorrow morning BEFORE third hour orchestra and pick me up a new D and A string, AND call the violin repair guy in the next town to look into the twangy sound. PLUS the weather is just fekking with my violin and everything. I'm just..sad. I'm tired, and sad, and I have a chem. test to study for. I wanna hurt things. I'm just upset and pms-ing...in fact, there's no p, I'm just...ms-ing. Damn, I just wanna stay home and sleep and cry a lot cuz nothing's going right. THIS is me upset. There, an extremely upset entry, I filled my quotient of upset entries that nobody cares about. Bite me. I hate everything.
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Tuesday, October 16, 2001 07:36 p.m..
New colors, more fallish. Yay. I added my long survey thing up in questions, um...can't..remember. I added the old layout to the layout page, and did ALL of the links. ALL of them. Fave links too ^_^. Geez, I can't remember it all >_<. I put up my new winamp skin. Go get it. Now. I don't care if you don't like/know jump little children, you should, and that's all there is to it. Blah. Blah blah blah. they reran bolognius maximus today! (zim, for the uninformed) I love that episode. Aaah, there's nothing better than zim and dib chasing each other as little bologna sausages. I hafta take a bath now. I was supposed to practice ye olde violin this weekend. I feel awful now.
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Sunday, October 14, 2001 09:25 p.m..
| Ralph Waldo Emerson was pretty darn smart.... |
It's cold in my house. Darn. My mom had surgery on her nose because she broke it last year from passing out due to low blood pressure. Yep, so now she won't take the dog out alone, which means I have to walk around in my pjs at 9 o'clock in the rain with the dog and mom in tow. Odd. I finished a new winamp skin of Jump Little Children, which I'll put up tomorrow. It's all black and white and...stuff ^-^. Unfortunately, I had to reinstall winamp to get it to work >_<. It wouldn't go behind the other windows on my desktop, like it was God or something. Stupid megalomaniacal winamp, trying to form some bizarre communist dictatorship amoungst the programs on my computer. Blah. ANYway, um...I don't remember. Damn. I need some sleep...maybe. I'm hungry. Why do I have nothing else to say? Got caught in the rain today. Geez, I love rain so much. My dog didn't, so she forced me to come home when it really started coming down. Pff, it wasn't THAT cold out ^^;;. "Shit on the Radio" by Nelly Furtado is a good song, though the title strikes me as...weird. Nelly Furtado has a bit of a sexy image, but it's more of a...natural sexiness that comes from just being herself. So I guess considering that, she can have offensive titles to her songs even though she's probably only about Britney Spear's age. Britney could never get away with naming a song something like that, though, because she's supposed to be "sweet and innocent" even though she's getting awfully...whorish. Has anyone seen her new video? O_o Something about being addicted to someone (or crack?). I don't know, but...it was supposed to be all artsy, which the video WAS, but the song...wasn't. The song just sounded like it tried WAY too hard to not be teenybopper material. Though, I will admit, the video was really well done, at least photography wise. The lighting and dancing was very smooth and sexy. I just...really liked the lighting. Damn me and my appreciation for good lighting, I'm complimenting a Britney Spear's video. Oh well, there was one spot where she's "crowd surfing" that looked really...creepy and annoying. Britney is built...well. Incredibly so.
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Saturday, October 13, 2001 11:53 p.m..
| "So we sat and we watched all the specially selected news.." |
...And we learned so much more about the good guys
Won't you stand by the flag, was the question unasked,
Won't you join in and fight with the allies?
What could we say, we're only 25 years old
With 25 sweet summers, and hot fires in the cold
This kind of life makes that violence unthinkable
We'd like th play hockey, have kids and grow old...
What makes a person so poisonous righteous
That they'd think less of anyone who just disagreed
She's just a pacifist, he's just a patriot
If I said you were crazy would you have to fight me?
--Moxy Früvous, The Gulf War Song"
Yay. That's good, it makes me smile ^-^. I need to answer my email O_0. I'm sorry to anyone I haven't answered yet! I'm really busy...and lazy ^^;;. Oh, and anyone who wants to *really* understand what my whole standing is on the bombings and war and crap, go to this old blog entry by Wil Wheaton. Kick butt, even the replies make sense...except for the "God Bless jingoism!" one O_o. They like being overly militaristic? Freeeeaky. I saw an episode of Invader Zim that I hadn't seen before. It rawked, yo (yay, ebonics are fun, word). Anyway, I think my new catch phrase will be "obey the FIST!" Zim, I love thee muchly. Aaaah, happiness. Today was good...despite Bush being a moron...again. The British Prime Minister has a sexy accent...What? He DOES! Come on, I dig the accent. Accents kick butt.
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Sunday, October 7, 2001 07:39 p.m..
| "down where the rain can wash away this high..." |
Jump Little Children kicks ass. Everyone should listen to them...EVERYone. Yes. I walked in the other room and the TV was on...and it scared me cuz I didn't realize where the noise came from. I'm such a wussy.
Nissa's smart. She is. We were talking about stuff on the way back from our Spell Bowl meet Thursday, and she has really good opinions. That makes me happy. She also confirmed that there are at least two gay guys in our school, which also makes me happy. I'm glad we have a little diversity, and that not everybody there are raging 'phobes...like NATHAN! Mrrrggg. Honestly, what's wrong with being gay? I just...don't understand. So it's against the Bible. Everything's against the freakin' Bible. If someone interpreted a passage of it as "you don't need to breathe" there'd be a bunch of people passing out and dying because they held their breathe too long for God. Geez.
My newest kiss doll is well underway. I know a lot of people don't like giving out previews of their dolls, but I find it's helpful. As if it's set in stone that I now have to finish her because I have people expecting it. Well her name's Jaylee just because. I came up with the name and thought "hey, that sounds cute" ^_^. Grammar bends at my will. Oh, I wore a cute outfit to the Spell Bowl meet Thursday. A black pleated skirt with a white shirt and an ugly red tie *lol*. I liked it, it was neat ^-^. I'll have to do that again, it's kind of liberating to dress up like a freak, in a weird way. I wanna be a writer one day, I really do. That's what I've decided for one reason or another. My orange juice is in the other room and I'm not. Damn. I made vanilla pudding tonight, THE best flavor of pudding, hands down. Booyah.
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Saturday, October 6, 2001 09:50 p.m..
| "You've managed not only to ignore the rules of cause and effect, but also break the laws of physics." |
Yay, it's been a whole five days. Whoopee. I hate Oprah. She used to be cool, back in the day when she wasn't so fakey, but anymore it seems like she always has to stand for something, and it's never original. I mean, yeah, you have to stand for what you stand for, there's really no way around that, but ya hafta have reasons behind it, and she never does. She just gets lots of experts to make up her reasons, as does almost everyone else in this country. Why does it seem like none of the terrorist attacks ever happened now? It's rather surreal. Oh well. I liked the episode of The West Wing tonight. They put in a fighting arguement for the Arabs, a different side to the arguement. Plus, they put in an arguement about how we're lacking freedom because there's no room to speak a minority opinion about the situation because of the amount of uproar it causes from the sheep people with the majority opinions. Yayness. I had my violin lesson today, it sounded like I didn't practice. I did practice. Damn. I got a perfect score on my Chemistry test. It was really freaking easy. Yay, I'm smart. Lalala...My English teacher is cool :). I won't give reasons why, because I have to go get ready for bed. I'm starting a new kiss doll, and I'm almost religiously devoted to it...well, not really, but she makes me really happy despite the amount of work envolved ^_^. It was supposed to be a quick doll, but I spent so much time on making her hair about five different shades of green and her skin about three or four that I now have...three hair changes and a basedoll. Yeaaaah. Now she needs...three more hair changes and clothes. Wow, no problems there...gotta go.
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Wednesday, October 3, 2001 09:16 p.m..
kick-ass. My-freaking-jebus, I love this site muchly >here. I want one of those pins...or about twenty. THESE are the things they need to put on shirts, not "Boys Lie," "Angel," "Naughty" and other crap. Oh, and ya can't forget "Princess." Gag. Yipee! I love it ^_^. Oh, and on a similar note, I love this guy too. He has such amazing opinions, especially on the government ^-^. I likey. PLUS he was on star trek: next generation. Kick butt. Was that the one with captain picard and data? crap, I give up with capitalizing, it's a waste of my time. bejeebus, it's cold in here...just a weeee bit nipply (nope, not nippy. I know what I say...damnit).
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Friday, September 28, 2001 11:05 p.m..
| "Dumb like a moose, Dib. Dumb like a MOOSE!" |
Ah, today is good. Yep, it's just...really good. I like good days, they kick ass. There was a new Imvader Zim episode, and it made me happy. Gaz kicks ass too, like good days kick ass, but the feeling's not quite the same. Lalala...I finished all my makeup homework. My math's all done, and we had a test today that was super easy. We had a chem quiz today too, and I can't figure out why everybody thought the last question was so hard. I got it, and it worked out okay O_o. Maybe I did it wrong, but I don't think so. I think I just always assume I have the right answer the first time, which in some ways makes it easier because it's less stressful, plus I learn more from my mistakes that way. The more times I go back over something, the easier it is for me to get it wrong ^^;;. On my day off I missed a chem lab too, but the lab writeup's all done. My teacher told me to get the data from someone else cuz I wasn't able to finish the whole thing on the second day, so I used Rin-chan's data. She's smart ^-^. She took down data for stuff we were supposed to record but I forgot ^^;;. Okay, this all is really boring I bet. Oh well, I'm happy. Oh yeah, if anyone wants to see the full version of the pic up there, just email me and I'll force myself to update faster *lol*.
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Friday, September 28, 2001 08:47 p.m..
| The village in order for one not to escape, when it rides on, dispersed your own coat. The alga you scratch one wriggly. |
Blahbitty blah blah. I stayed home again today. I'll go back to school tomorrow, cuz I really have no way around it ^_^;;. Today I just was too completely exhausted that I stayed home for some extra sleep. Stupid weather keeps changing and screwing with my health >_<. Grr. I swear, I must be the most easily exhausted person ever...or maybe I'm just wimpy. I could stay out and hang out with some friends or something one day, but it's almost guaranteed that I'd be out of it the next day ^^;;. Arg, I've got violin lessons in an hour. I love my new teacher, but I'm worried because I can't figure out the rhythm of this new piece that I'm playing so I haven't been able to practice more than...the first line O_o. Yay, that's a real catchy song, one line. Guitar lessons tomorrow, as well as a bunch of makeup stuff for school. I don't like making up school stuff, but it's not so bad once it's all over with. It's just...I wish I didn't have study hall on days when I miss a lot. It sounds stupid, but I guess I just don't like working on something and realize it's a futile effort when the bell rings and I'm not done. I don't like starting and not finishing an assignment in one sitting >_<. Tomorrow I'll have three math assignments (and I'm hoping with every bit of my being that I don't have a quiz, cuz I'd have to make it up in the morning O_o), a chem lab and a chem worksheet. Um, maybe something in english too (ha! yeah right ^_^).
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Wednesday, September 26, 2001 03:58 p.m..
| Happy people smile a lot, cuz that's what happy people do. Lalalalala... |
I updated ^_^. The lyrics on the header thing are from John Lennon's song Imagine. It just makes me happy when I listen to it. I'm glad to hear so many people agreed with my rants on the whole WTC thing (and nathmo *lol*). Thanks, Archer Zero. YOUR odd way of writing emails makes YOU very special. It really made me happy ^_^. I've thought of doing a webcomic before, but..well, I know I'd never be able to do that kind of thing right now. Some friends of mine are gonna make one, so I plan on being a guest artist a lot ^_^. Yayfun.
I stayed home today ^_^. It was fun. Mom calls them "mental health days," which came true literally because I spent all day warding off a headache from the rain outside. Yay. I slept til 11 or so. It kicked butt. I have violin lessons tomorrow. I wanna practice, but I feel like crap and I need help on one piece so I really can't practice it. My writing's gone all...wonky. Eww. I went shopping Saturday. Yay. Got some neat tanktops, on sale since it's not the right season for that ^_^. I got one that was this nice light green color patterned with pretty leaves. It's got a keyhole (those little useless loops in the collars of tanktops and tshirts for women) which makes it look kind of...slutty. Oh well, it looks okay if I pull it up high enough ^^;;. Yayfun. Um, I had a meet for Spell Bowl (yep, only the coolest people are in spell bowl O_o) and we won. Yay. I have to eat dinner now. Yay. Oh, and I totally agree with Kimiki's latest rant on her site. I didn't know what she had against nationalism til all this started, but I have to say that I completely agree with her now. Wow, it's trippy. Crap, I can't even tell what I'm typing anymore. Hafta eat dinner. Bai bai ^_^V.
crazy people wasted their time listening to me on Tuesday, September 25, 2001 08:19 p.m..
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