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Friday, March 1, 2002, 10:52 p.m. - Post-Speakeasy Tiredness
I'm tired, so this should be quick. As for the speakeasy, not bad, although right before it started Joanne told me that I *had* to read, as it would factor into my grade. Well, that's nice. I spent the first half looking through books to find something, and the second half waiting for a chance to read it. But I got it done, so I'm happy. Fullish weekend a-comin'... we'll see how much real work gets done. Don't want to talk, want to sleep. Off I go!
Thursday, February 28, 2002, 09:46 p.m. - Averagity
Why can't my past stay there? Every day, I get at least one reminder of how my past mistakes are currently affecting me, and will continue to do so. A friend of mine just got another $1000 scholarship - for doing nothing. Because his grades were high, because he took an easy test. That's it. I haven't had these chances. My grades are nearly straight Bs with a D in there for fun. I have not gotten, nor even been offered a chance at, a single scholarship. Currently, my parents are slated to pay 100% of whatever college I get into's tuition. That's assuming that D doesn't keep me out of my main choices. My other friends are smart like I think I am, but their grades are high; all you honor roll sophomores, don't lose that. Keep whatever honor you've got; it'll save your ass in a few years. My senior year is by far my best, but it doesn't go to the schools. As I watch my friends win award after scholarship after acceptance, I wonder "will I ever get acknowledged for anything?" My friends consider me one of the smarterof the group(correct me if I'm wrong); why doesn't anyone else?
Wednesday, February 27, 2002, 10:09 p.m. - Falling asleep
Well. Here it is, 10 PM. The universal teenage bedtime. In other words, all teens are up now and for another hour. Not me. Not tonight. I am *so* dead right now, I can't see straight. I'm looking at this monitor sideways. It's very time for sleep. If I can get through writing this entry without lapsing into the phrase "flying monkeys", I'll be happy. Wednesday night. The week is half over, the harder half, so more power to the world. Yay. As I type this, my bed continues to beckon me toward it's warm, sheety goodness. All right, that's it. Sweet dreams, HERE I COME! Whee...
Tuesday, February 26, 2002, 07:23 p.m. - Fade Away
Well, this is fun. Does anyone remember my entry yesterday? About how everything was hitting just right, and the world seemed in sync? Well, fuck that. Tonight is the *actual* full moon, and nothing's going right. One of my friends won't talk to me. My brother's being an ass about doing his homework, making my mom angry, and in turn, making him sad/angry. This isn't how my best moon days are supposed to go. At the moment, I'm tempted to just go outside and ignore everything. Everything. That's the problem I always notice with my life; all the best days are followed fairly quickly with bad ones, but the opposite isn't true. All righty, that concludes my observations for the night/day. Back tomorrow, hopefully having returned to neutral.
Monday, February 25, 2002, 10:20 p.m. - Warm fuzzy feelings
I love it when I'm in that short-lived zone where the entire world starts spinning your way. Today has been one of those. At 3 I got my second wind, having finished an otherwise lackluster school day. Got nice and hyped up, coupled with a cream soda (one chug!) and went home. The home hours have been spent up 'til now reading feelgood comics and listening to yummy music. All of this is, I think, centered around my number one favorite time of day: full moon night. I *LOVE* the moon, and its symbolism. Shining its blue-white light on the sleeping world... num. Just finished a rather satisfying game of Starcraft(I didn't die!), and now I'm headed for bed, where I get my 45 minutes of bonus sleep in the morning. Ohhhh yeahhhhh....
Sunday, February 24, 2002, 08:00 p.m. - Look to the future
Well, today was mighty interesting. I was informed, oh, maybe 15 minutes before we left that we were going on a hike to celebrate my parents' anniversary. OK... So we did, and it took time. Lots of time. They know my opinion of hikes, walks, and nature in general; it's nice, but I prefer my computer. Call me a geek, that's how it is. The hike in question was around an old gold mine bought by the state. Bleh. I grow really tired really quickly of historical nonsense like that. I understand why it's important, preserve the past and all that, but I think 100% in the future. Computers are the future. Technology makes our lives better through improved effeciency. At the mine, we heard about how the miners worked for $3 a day in crap conditions because OSHA didn't exist yet. Am I supposed to feel sorry for them? It's hard to; it already happened, it can't be changed. Today, however, it's changed. Nothing like that can happen again. The past is there, it's been done; let's focus on what's next.
Saturday, February 23, 2002, 10:48 p.m. - Can I borrow a(nother) cup of life?
This is version two of this entry, as Internet Explorer and Starcraft decided to double-team my poor system in a major crashfest. As best as I can remember, the original message here was one of "oh god I need a life." That hasn't changed. It's still Saturday night, the most social part of the week, when all parties are in full swing, when places like arcades and movie theaters are packed, and limos roam the streets packed with dates(I saw a *lot* earlier). And yet, here I am. At home. On the computer. As usual. The worst part is, I was waiting for it. For me, this is also the social time of the day. However, for a lonely technogeek like me, "being social" means playing Starcraft. Whee. Tomorrow, I can expect more of the same, but with a dash of chores as well. So, I'd best get my rest, 'cause tomorrow's another great day!... right. If college doesn't fill this hole in a major way, I'm going to go insane. Ta-ta for now!
*10:55 update* looks like I was wrong; now I've got two very very similar messages. However, I'm a pack rat. I wrote it, so I'm keeping it. Curse you, computer, for teasing me the way you do. Now, to try this good night thing again...
Saturday, February 23, 2002, 09:33 p.m. - Can I borrow a cup of life?
So here it is; Saturday night. For teenagers, this is the traditional part of the week for the social gatherings, the parties, the dates. And yet here I am again, on my ass, in my room. As I knew I would be. My "social gathering" consisted of me and two friends getting raped in Starcraft. Total time of group activity: about 70 minutes. We're thinking of doing it again... I doubt it will happen, these things rarely do. Optimism is normally my thing, but it never really works as far as my social life is concerned. Who knows? Maybe college will be better. All I know is, there's something wrong when spending a Saturday night alone on my computer is something I look forward to. And then there's the absolute excitement of tomorrow, when I kill 10 hours watching television. "Auburn" is some ancient word meaning "Alone". *sigh*...
Saturday, February 23, 2002, 12:01 a.m. - Degrumped!
Yay! Not nearly as grumpy anymore! After a couple minutes of swearing at hotmail, my dad gave me a good idea; have Outlook do it. Outlook is one bitchy program; until it decides to work, it won't let the rest of the computer do anything. But when it works, it WORKS. 630 mails, *zap* all at once! Windows needs a sucking sound... oh well, also remembered my Sonic game, which I just beat. That is one great mood-fixer. Go blue dude! Go fast! Go destroy my bad mood! Yep. And yes, it *is* past midnight, which for up-at-6-AM me means that I end up rambling like a stoned idiot. But if you're serious about reading this stuff, you'll finish this entry. On the plus side for you, my attention span is measured in seconds, so I can't write too much at any given time. My time is up for now. Talk again in the morning-time!
Friday, February 22, 2002, 10:39 a.m. - Just another Friday
When you're tired, it doesn't take much to push you into grumpy. At meeting this morning, 3 of the 4 NMSQT semifinalists made it to the next stage. Guess who the fourth was. I'm proud of them, I really am; I just don't have the will to say so right now. In my book, any day you start with a completely numb arm can't be good. Right now, I just want to go home, get back in bed, and sleep. But no, I'm here at school, with another 4 hours of education to sit through. To the people that know me: sorry I was a bit distant today, this was why. I guess I shouldn't feel this way now; I knew I wouldn't make it in about 5 months ago. Just another constant reminder of my position in the senior class. Blah. Latin time...
Wednesday, February 20, 2002, 10:46 p.m. - eep...
K, it's gotta be short, 'cuz I'm supposed to be in bed 30 minutes ago, but I'm gonna try to make writing in *both* of these a constant. Deadjournal was kinda grumpy, and I AM feeling better now, other than one thing... the *only* light that was on in my room burnt out all of a sudden, scaring the HELL out of me. Aside from my near-heart attack, I've been playing an unhealthy amount of games and not chatting too much. Sorry all, but you know how it goes...
One other concern: the weather. I, like very few others, *love* the rain. Tomorrow, the forecast calls for sunny skies and a high of... 70?!? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it FEBRUARY??? Blah... oh well, nobody can yell at me about wearing shorts now. Yee! K, that's the end now, before my momma comes in here and castrates me anew!
Tuesday, February 19, 2002, 09:45 p.m. - The pre-bedtime babble session
Well. After going completely crazy in a bad way (see here), I have calmed down now, and ready to put some more words on e-paper. Have you(whoever you are) ever felt like you did something very very wrong, but can't quite put your finger on what it is because...it just doesn't exist? I had that earlier. I HATE THAT. Why my brain wants to wreak havoc on my psyche, I'll never know. Ah, well; I win out every time anyhoo. Speaking of trippy mind-games, I would love to understand how deja vu works. I had some of that today; sitting in English class, I knew what someone was going to do long before they did it, cause I dreamed it up or something years ago. When I had the dream, I thought there was no way it could happen- me? AP class? this room? Wuzzaheck are those guys doing? Now it makes *some* sense, but the big question I've got remains... how does the human brain figure this stuff out so far in advance? It's like the subconscious has found some little rip in the fabric of time and takes a peek through every now and then. Weird. Science, something I hold very near and dear, does have it's flaws; we understand how the universe works, but not why a ball falls down. We understand everything about every animal on Earth, but haven't the slightest as to that brain on our shoulders. Maybe I'm just going crazy. Scratch that, crazier.
Monday, February 18, 2002, 06:29 p.m. - Where'd my three day weekend go?
Hello loyal fans(HA!),
Today Devin and co. came over to watch movies. In the sitcom of my life, Devin is a guest star. Naturally, movies weren't all that was going on, lots of playing cards and (save me now) being kissed by Devin happened too. Add in 10 sodas, a bottle of grenadine, and multiple pounds of candy, and you've got yourself a recipe for pure randomness. Conversation thread: "If you put some Nair in with some Rogaine, the universe will explode!" That's kinda the tone of my whole day. Not the worst way to spend a Prez Day, eh?
Sunday, February 17, 2002, 11:32 p.m. - Enter the Monkey
So this is the way the blogworld works... mmkay. Hi anyone who reads this. If you don't know me, I'm a 17-year-old psychopath finishing his easy (senior) year of high school, not the genetic freak of nature my name implies. If you do know me, BUWAHAHA!!! So, yeah. A few things to say about this whatever you want to call it: 1) I am the laziest slumbitch on earth. Entries could come 5 seconds or 5 years apart. 2) I reserve the right to complain, babble, make no sense, or have an entry consisting entirely of "grunt grunt grunt." It's called creativity. Sometimes, I don't have it. And 3) Feedback. I'm not exactly the most social creature out there. Should you like what you read, or want to go out of your way to send me a nice "fuck you", I'm on AIM far too often under the name TheAuburnite. Go ahead and send me something, make me feel like I have a real life. :) 'K, that's more than enough writing for now. So, this is me, signing off. :P
P.S. The layout is, to put it nicely, CRAP. 'Twill be fixed. All you art-people I know, gimme a hand here...
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