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Friday, November 29, 2002 Am watching "Mr Holland Opus" for the 3rd time. It's a great show and it brings back many memories. Reminding me of well, band. Of the beautiful things music creates. And yes, of Sir too. (; Especially when Rowena and him work on and discuss "Someone to watch over me"... Alright, enough said. I'm glad CNLWE practice started again! Deep down inside beneath the matter-of-fact veneer, I'm just a sucker for sweet things. Wanna win me over, do something thoughtful, something kind, something sweet, and I'm a goner. (; Thursday, November 28, 2002 You know, it sort of sucks when you do well, way beyond your wildest imagination (all thanks to God, when truth be told) and there's no one to share your joy with. I only sms-ed the twins, Jem and Isabelle my results. Don't really want to spread it around my classmates because I don't want to boast/ make anyone feel bad. But it sort of sucks. Not that I'm ungrateful, mind you. But yea, it's vaguely depressing, not to mention deflating... Thursday, November 28, 2002 Just recieved my results through sms. *BLINK* *blinks hard* I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. As hard as it is for me to accept them, as surreal as it all is, I only hope they sent it to the right person! Quick, someone pinch me, I don't want to be dreaming! Or if I am, I don't want to awake! Wednesday, November 27, 2002 I feel horrible. My project supervisor thinks I'm an incompetent moron. It is NOT wholly my fault I didn't get everything ready, she should have told me what she expected of me - before I turned up looking like an anticipative primary school kid. She was praising some of her other project students to no end, deliberately rubbing it in. Gah. I was so bloody put off. Especially afterwards when I asked them how they knew what had to be done, and they said they had the reports from previous students to refer to (she gave it to them way beforehand and only passed it to me today!). Besides, they were smart, they asked a lot of people before looking for her. Maybe that was my mistake. But she's the supervisor. If she doesn't guide me, who else will?! And I need more instruction than most because my partner isn't around! If she was, we'd be able to sound off each other, and eliminate most of the 'stupider' questions before talking to the supervisor. And the initial part of every project/ experiment is always the hardest to get through. Because of all the reagent and equipment preparation and calculations involved. Once everything gets into full swing, it's easy to carry on from then! And. She thinks I'm an idiot because I can't manage to do the iceA1/2 primers. Gah, if nothing seems to correspond and the journals aren't exactly very clear about certain important things, what more can I do? And she thinks my partner is more capable and more intelligent too. I REALLY HATE THAT. She keeps on asking when my partner's gonna get back, and even said that she'd know what to do about everything! She didn't believe me when I said my partner doesn't know much more either. But it's the frigging truth. I feel so insulted. And pissed off to boot. You throw me straight into the deep end of the pool and expect me to learn how to swim right away. I tell you one thing. At this moment, I'm sinking. But I will soon learn to float. And it's no thanks to you, either! Call yourself a mentor! Tuesday, November 26, 2002 I wish my parents would quit being such infantile prats and be the grown ups they're supposed to be. There's more than one way to skin a cat, and if done with skill, can result in a relatively painless procedure. But what does she choose to do? With her belligerent and overly suspicious attitude (granted, she does have every right to be distrustful), I can understand why he gets defensive and angry. For Crying Out Loud. You're an adult. Act like one. You've picked up psychology techniques in your teaching career. I thought it would've been wise to practice them, no? Chewed my lip too hard and it's bleeding. Ouch. Monday, November 25, 2002 I've been thinking. I'll miss NP dreadfully. Can't quite believe 2.5 years have passed already. Can't believe I'll only have one more semester before I graduate. It's rather terrifying, really. Where did all the time go to? I sound like a recycled cliche, but if you ask me... I don't regret choosing "the path less taken". Only a slight twinge of uncertainty nags at me on occassions, but I generally feel I've made the right choice. Although I bemoaned when I found out all of my closest friends were eligible (and entered) university after the release of their A level results... While I was still stuck in poly q: And when it hit me -for the first time- that I would be at a distinct disadvantage when applying for entry into NUS (because of the unfair stereotyping and misconception of poly students)... But there. The benefits outweigh the cost, at least it does, for me. I'm glad, really. I've gained so much from this experience. I've met people who came from backgrounds incredibly different from my own, and this made me value what I previously took for granted. The lecturers here are so caring and lovely. The whole environment is warm and comforting. I can't bring myself to accept that all this will vanish come May next year. PL was my home away from home, and will always hold the honor of being the first school in my heart. And NP is a close second; the things I've encountered here have touched my life in ways VJC never did. Things will change once we graduate, and I'm not as idealistic as I was last time to think otherwise. I'll miss many people, not only those whom I'm close to, but the acquaintances as well. I know we'll never keep in contact, why should we? Same goes for the lecturers, some of whom have become much more than normal teachers. I'll miss the canteens. Our locker which housed all our labcoats/ shoes/ misc junk. The beaming uncle from the vegetarian stall. The fruit juice aunty. The trees lining the path along the LTs. The tempremental Blk34 lifts. Us running to the co-ops to get chocolate in between lessons. The eerie (and fetid) toilets I won't miss though, heh. And oh, the smell of the corridor along the labs! I think I better stop before I start crying or something. It's too premature to be upset, and I know I ought to cherish what precious time I've got left. But ohhhh, why must everything good come to an end? Sunday, November 24, 2002 Spent a very lovely afternoon at East Coast with my family. Dad went fishing while mom slept on the groundsheet. My sister and I cycled along the beach (I balanced Chicken McNuggets/ fries on one handlebar and had a large coke on the other. Very embarrassing too, the packages danced crazily whenever I swerved!). Swam in the sea after that but got stung by weird things and decided to sneak into the resort to use the pool. We got questioned by the lifeguard, lol (and managed to get away with it, though I think he still suspected we weren't authentic q:). There's a warm tingle spreading over my shoulders and back. My skin is too sensitive for words! Which is why I don't tan easily, I turn red and skin flakes off my nose. Blah. Water pours off the window ledge, it runs down the glass panes. Watching droplets meandering on satisfies me here in the queerest way. Saturday, November 23, 2002 Damn. Now Lianne prolly won't be going to UNSW because chances of her getting Aussie citizenship/ PR isn't good anymore. Grace may very well stay in NUS because she won't get any form of exemption in Australia/ SG if she does a Bsc in Pharmacy; so she'll stay if she can get in cos it's so much cheaper here. Jean is absolutely fixed on UQ (cos it's more affordable) and she's trying her best to persuade an undecided Jieru to go there instead of UNSW. There, just like that, all my potential room-mates are gone! It's either I go over there alone -without a single familar face- or I stay in NUS. I'll be glad to go as long as someone's going. We don't have to be good friends, heck, as long as we can tolerate each other, it's fine by me. Mom isn't keen on Sydney, she's heard too many horror stories about how her friends' kids go astray there. She's pushing for me to go to UQ. I don't really want that because well, Sydney is less over-run with Singaporeans. And the 'quality' of the degree is 'better' too. All of this is in my opinion, feel free to disagree. Just don't sue or anything because none of this is substantiated (apart from the fact UNSW is ranked higher in certain unofficial studies). And anyways, she just said that if no-one's going with me, she won't let me go either. Geeeez! I wouldn't mind NUS I guess, but I'll have to wait one year after I graduate before I can apply. And this doesn't mean I can get in! Exemptions are rather iffy too, though I think I wouldn't mind staying and repeating all the stuff we did in poly. I just wish NUS would tell me if I stand a good chance of getting in though. I mean, they're so close-mouthed about poly applicants, they hem & haw and go "well, just apply and try, we can't give you a definate answer because the cut off mark differs every year". I don't need a definate answer! I just want a rough gauge of how my grades stand, and what my chances look like! I'm extremely bothered. I know this isn't the be-all and the end-all of things. I know I oughtn't let it worry me over much because it's not like an immovable path set in stone; I can still change my mind 10 years down the road if necessary. But it'll be so much easier if I make the right decision now. Okay, maybe there is no such thing as a 100% correct decision. But there are better choices. And there are worse choices. I don't want to select the more unfavourable one. Friday, November 22, 2002 Mom and sis came back laden with a few hundred dollars worth of Swiss chocolate. Ahhhhh. They got me an exquisite miniature Kenzo perfume set, and my dad a really beautiful Tissot watch. My sis almost got this lovely cK one for me but didn't cos she thought I wouldn't want it (I don't wear watches). ARGH. I know it's not her fault cos I didn't ask them to get me anything (apart from chocolate, lol) but that was only because I felt bad at making them spend more than necessary. In case you're wondering when I become the paragon of thrift, I don't know either, haha. But she could have called home to ask if I wanted it! And I do! Very badly, too! I've been checking out the cK product line for a while but those I've seen haven't exactly made me want them badly enough to justify the >$170 tag. Excuse the awful sentence construction, I'm half groggy from staring at gene sequences all afternoon. Speaking of which, the project isn't really going well. Apart from the difficulty I'm facing with the unmatching/ unrelated primers, I'm also very irritated with the labtech. She telephoned ATCC once on Monday, after I pestered her umpteen times to ask them about the culture arrival date. No one answered. So she didn't bother calling anymore. Is that the stupidest thing you've heard, or what? She even had the nerve to tell me to do something else first. As if I wouldn't if I could! But I can't really start because there's only a little bacteria remaining from last year! And the entire project is based on the DNA we've got to extract from it! And that's just the most recent thing that pissed me off. Apart from all this rubbish, she's quite nice though. So I feel bad getting angry. Geez. Anyways it's no point griping, perhaps I ought to call the company myself. Goodness, my mom & sis took 400 over pictures... I really have to explore UK one day. Isabelle and I have been talking about it, I guess we will, if all goes well. (yay) Anyways, I'm glad they're safely back. Didn't really miss them that much because it was nice having the whole house to myself for a change. q: But yea, it's always good to have someone to snuzzle with. (; Thursday, November 21, 2002 Went swimming in NP with Michelle. I don't feel as though I've worked out even after swimming continously for 45 minutes (excluding warm ups, just-for-fun laps etc) because none of my muscles ache. With the exception of my finger joints - I kid you not. We also saw this sissy guy in purple boxers slather on sun-screen and settle down to tan. (The sky was overcast, the sun was hiding). It was even more amusing when he reapplied the lotion after 30 mins. And well, his legs were about the same color as mine, and I'm very fair! Even for a girl! Very, very comical. (; Anyways. I don't really feel like saying much more. Tired, I guess. Think I'll go ferret out my green striped pillow and snuggle up with a bowl of chocolate carmel ice cream. Wednesday, November 20, 2002 To someone: I wonder what it is that makes the thought of you so fascinating. I wonder why the fact we haven't yet met saddens me, although I hold on to the hope that somewhere, you do exist. And we'll meet each other one day. (: Wednesday, November 20, 2002 A quick note: Another change (if you managed to catch the one before this (where the girl had the most wonderful pair of lips you've ever seen), good for you q: Take a look here if you're that keen). Figured this best represents things as they are now... Though I realised I'm dreaming less and analyzing more. Becoming more pragmatic and less idealistic. All part of growing up, I suppose. |
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