Sunday, February 16, 2003
10:04 a.m.

I'm absolutely zonked. And m.i.a. for the past few days because of too much activity. Went to school on Friday for Proteomics tutorial, only to find out it was cancelled when Xiulan and I were in the bus. Lianne and I ended up having time to fold more purple stars for Kane's box, hee! Apart from the other stuff, we managed to find other gems to put in as well. Like a purple apron *grin* And some glass ornaments. A plastic cultery set. A napkin. Wanted to throw in a blueberry muffin ready-mix thingy but we were seriously broke. But he loved it all the same! Mabel Az Daph decided to tag along with Kane, Lianne and I (the both of us gave him the (dubious) honor of being our Valentine) and we had a blast!

Karoke-d at this place in S. Gardens, it was so fun bopping along to silly retro songs like "Money money money" and "Hey Mr Postman". Haha! Lianne and I might have monopolised the music just a little though *guilty look* Couldn't resist all the 'applicable' songs like "Stronger", "Torn" etc lah, and we also got ourselves depressed by singing all the sad soppy love songs. But the most memorable moment was when all of us yelled along to our theme song "In the End". *giggle* Seriously, I've got a very sore throat, I'm surprised I can still speak normally. Went for supper after that and headed then down to Chjimes for drinks. Took lotsa photos and made snide comments about the overpriced omnipresent roses and starry eyed couples. I suppose we had a bad case of sour grapes but well, it's true! *snicker*

This stupid pervert kept on staring at my rear end while we were at the bus stop though! *rolls eyes* He quickly moved away when Daph gave him the evil eye, hee. Anyways, we ended up at Lianne's place. Daph and Az slept pretty early, think they were too tired. Lianne and I got him to mix drinks for us, giving him a chance to practice for his future bartending job. q: Had vodka orange, beer, lime-lemony concoctions, whatever. I was desperately craving instant noodles (wanted msg-laden soup so badly) but was too lazy to go down to the 7-11. We ended up semi-sleeping at 4 plus, and had to drag ourselves out of bed at 9 for the make-up Hybridoma Tech practical. Dr Sukumar complained that Lianne and I looked (and acted) like zombies! And we were, oh, you mean you noticed? *voices dripping with sarcasm* Went home to show my parents I was still alive and very much sober (their paranoia made me out to be pissed drunk and raped) and didn't go for band prac.

Met Shaun and went to Wynnie's birthday thing. The party was quite fun, ate lotsa pizza and salad, made a bunch of friends, met a former PL girl who went to VJ Arts! Is Singapore small or what? Played stupid games like Heart Attack, Bluff and other stuff, had silly forfeits (like drinking chlorophyll and eating sugee cookies leftover from CNY that went soft). Got rather irritated with K because he's just so irresponsible... Said (a while ago) that he'd give me a ride back but he didn't ride there because it was drizzling. And after he said we'd go to his place to get his bike and he'd bring me home, he changed his mind and asked if I minded getting a lift from someone else who lived near me instead. I know it's more practical this way, and it's troublesome for him to leave him home again, but hey, he already agreed! Bah, whatever happened to accountability? Reached home around 1 and my mom was rather angry. But it wasn't as though I came back alone, I really don't know what her problem is... If I were to leave earlier and take a bus/ train back, it would be a 1hr plus journey. And I figure it'd be a lot safer if I stayed back later and have someone send me home. Whatever...

Couldn't sleep after that but didn't feel like coming online, so I called Kane and we had a lovely chat. He's such a dear friend. Considerate too! I told him about K not wanting to give me a lift back and he immediately insisted he come and get me in a cab (he lives in Ang Mo Kio and I was at Jurong West, and it was almost 12!). Anyways, my dad woke up around 2 a.m. and caught me on the phone. And he thought it was a repeat of my ex-boyfriend thing way back in Seconday school. Parents. Seriously!

Friday, February 14, 2003
10:27 a.m.

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me,
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break,
I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough,
I try as hard as I can.

Why do you (still) see right through me?

Thursday, February 13, 2003
10:24 p.m.

"Leonard was a stud. I was never comfortable with how many girls paid attention to him, so I never took him seriously. With Leonard, I always had my walls up, I took any sign of affection with a grain of salt - even though sometimes it was blatantly obvious how he felt about things. I learned that there are ALWAYS ALWAYS complications with everyone you meet and find mutual interest with. If you really want something to happen, just go for it, forget about the complications." (From Ger, again)

I really ought to stop blatantly quoting people, but she said it so very succintly. And I haven't got the mood to expound very much, I'm disappointed tonight. We were supposed to meet to get someone's present, but he cancelled 2 hours beforehand. I was extremely pissed; all the more so because he knows how I can't stand it when people ditch me without much prior warning. Sigh. And I sent an angry sms to him by mistake, making the whole situation worser than it already was. Sigh. The issues of the past few days are pretty trival, but they all amount to something huge when added altogether. Anyways. Lianne and I ended up calling Kane instead. The Esplanade is a romantic place or a completely depressing one; it's an either or situation, never both at once. The three of us made a pretty dismal picture, sitting on the stone ledges with our feet dangling above the Singapore River. Tearing away at cheese chunks embedded in crisp bread. Staring gloomily at the bumpboats, I could have cried.

I guess I'm just disappointed he isn't the person I thought him to be...

Thursday, February 12, 2003
12:01 a.m.

Whew, it's been a long day. After a languid home-cooked brunch, I met Michelle and Xiulan to get a present for someone's certain somebody. *wink* Met Lianne after that and hunted high and low for purple goodies. Bought purple pink-panther socks and a purple coin pouch. Nearly got a hairband but Lianne said it was more pink than purple (and I didn't press the issue cos well, I'm rather colorblind, heh). Ended up at Cold Storage and got worth of grape jelly, sweets, drinks, gummy candies etc. We couldn't find stuff we really wanted though, will be shopping again tomrorow after lectures. That'll make it the 4th consecutive day I've gone to town, imagine that! Had band later on and it was quite pathetic. I was too wiped out and couldn't play for nuts.

Geez, I'm so sick of everyone asking who I'm going out with on Valentine's. Seriously. Apart from all my girlfriends, Jack's asked. Wee Tee's asked. Yongyi's asked. Even Samuel hmmmph-ed and told me it was my fault for not agreeing to go out with him. While I was like, you didn't even ask!! *amused chuckle*

Gah. Everyone's curious. Except the person whom I want interested.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
11:13 a.m.

But if you go, I'll understand
Leave me just enough love to fill up my hand
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

If you go away, as I know you will
You must tell the world to stop turning
Till you return again, if you ever do,
For what good is love without loving you?

Can I tell you now, as you turn to go
I'll be dying slowly till the next hello
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

But if you stay, I'll make you a night
Like no night has been, or will be again
I'll sail on your smile, I'll ride on your touch
I'll talk to your eyes that I love so much

But if you go, I won't cry
Though the good is gone from the word goodbye
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

Tuesday, February 11, 2003
10:35 p.m.

Had the poster presentation thingy today, our poster's minimalistic black and white (with a faint blue powerpoint background) layout totally rocked. At least that's what we were telling ourselves as we gaped at the others. I mean, they were seriously crazy. Spending hours upon hours cutting papers and other misc stuff, making it look pretty and creative, ha! While ours was just laid out in ruler straight (well, we tried!) fashion and consisted entirely of A4 papers. q; When Daniel Bloom and the other examiner were scrutinising our poster, I accidentally yelped that I needed to pee! *ahem* And in response to the woman's question about the project's future prospects, I earnestly said that that was a possibility our juniors could continue on, rolling my eyes heavenward after she nodded approvingly and turned back to study the poster. And Daniel Bloom (very very drolly) said he saw that! Partner and I nearly died as we collapsed in hysterical laughter! *snicker*

Anyways. We went to swim during the second 3 hour practical break today (it lasted a total of 8 hours and 6 of them were incubation periods!). I have a bad case of sun burn already. My entire back and shoulders are red, my face is red, upper and lower arms are red, my finger joints are aching like crazy... But it was good to swim again. And the bath after that was soo good, it felt as though I was washing the recent heartache out of my system and out of my hair.

Came back empty handed from shopping for Kane's birthday present. He's such a dear boy; he's my dear silly boy. (: We're making up a huge purple love gift for him, with small assorted (purple) presents wrapped inside. Heh, it was my idea and I bet he'd love it. *beams* Only the sad feeling came back in full force just now.. I'm very very upset..

Sometimes, wallowing in self-pity helps. The after effects that linger on usually prove more detrimental than good, but that's just too bad.

Sunday, February 9, 2003
11:22 p.m.

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you
And I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why?
I don't know..

Sunday, February 9, 2003
08:10 p.m.

I need someone to talk to I desperately need to talk But if you should ask me what I want to talk about I find that I really don't know.

Sunday, February 9, 2003
02:35 a.m.

I wouldn't have thought it possible, but I'm more confused than ever. As a feeble consolation, I hope he's as confused as I am. I should have tried harder to prevent myself from falling so hard, from falling so fast.

You're like a see saw up then down,
Round and round..