Thursday, January 16, 2003
11:37 p.m.

I'm like surviving on 4-5 hours of sleep each night. When I previously couldn't function properly without my eight hours. I'm drinking liters of coffee/ tea out of sheer necessity. When I used to enjoy the occasional cuppa in the mornings. I'm going about bleary (and puffy) eyed, chalky pale face and lips are a more common sight than my usual rosy cheeks. I'm assertive and my self-confidence is showing itself again. When I used to be softer and was content being internally assured.

I'm tired. And seriously wondering if we'll survive this final semester. Project's all fucked up, some results are inconsistent, data is messed cos there's too much of it, etcetra etcetra. Proteomics sucks. To put it mildly. Hybridoma stinks, the lecturer is nice but can't teach for nuts. The stupid Life Sciences Seminar series takes the cake; it started off as an appreciation subject but quickly spun out of control. And that's just school.

Mind over matter, mind over heart.
I thought that was possible, but it looks as though it's not...

Wednesday, January 15, 2003
09:58 p.m.

I’m not in love
So don’t forget
It’s just a silly phase I’m going through
And just because I call you up
Don’t get it wrong
Don’t think you got me

So if I call you don’t make a fuss
Don’t tell your friends about too much
I’m not in love, no, just because...

Does Fiona Apple sound deluded or is it just my guilty conscience?

Wednesday, January 15, 2003
08:55 p.m.

Today was tiring, what's new? We helped out at Registration, this woman was such a pig! We were supposed to sign people in, look for their name tag and hand them the goodie bag. But she was so infuriatingly naggy, commanding us to get stuff and be neat while she started pulling out name tags haphazardly. The end result? Almost all the neck straps got tangled into a huge ball! Gag, we took so long to get everything sorted out. Saw quite a few familiar people at NUS today, the talks were pretty good too. There was this guy who looked like a cheena version of Kai; it's one of the first times Lianne and I agreed on cute guys, heh. She was all set to sink her claws in him but she didn't get the opportunity to. q: Argh, the CF meeting after the Hybridoma prac (which sucked cos it was all about bleeding and injecting mice) was such a stupid waste of time. They were such stickler for rules, pointless stupid rules that didn't make much sense! Gah! I was so pissed off, and Xinyi's incessant whining didn't improve matters much.

Argh, this stupid semester is so damn stressful! The only semi-good thing that happened was getting my labcoat back from Kane. I looove the angel he painted. (:

Tuesday, January 14, 2003
11:19 p.m.

Gosh, it's been a frightfully busy two days. This whole week will get even more hectic. All because our proj supervisor asked us to attend as much of this three day genetic conference (at NUS) as we could. In order to get free attendance, we have to help with registration. So it's reporting at 7:30 tomorrow. And that's in the AM. Bleh. Interesting, but wah, I need to sleep. We've been joining other classes for practicals this week in order to attend as many days as we can. Good news, Dr Goh agreed to let partner and I stay with my old class for the 6 hr practical from this week onwards. It was sooo nice being with my friends again. I nearly made the centrifuge blow up though (and Jack gleefully leapt at the chance to suan me). And we made a terribly stupid mistake too, our results for this week are shot. But who cares? (:

We also have so much rubbish to do for our project since ATCC finally sent us the bacterial and DNA samples we ordered what, 3.5 months ago! Damnit. Our first report for the project is due Friday and oh gosh, we haven't even collated all the experimental results yet. Some aren't reproducible and that's not good at all. The final year project is in such a depressing state and the worst part is that we don't really care anymore. We've all started singing stupid crappy songs like "In the end" and "Trouble". It's really quite funny how the lyrics fit into our situation so well. Haha. Like, "And even though I tried it all fell apart, What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard and got so far, But in the end, it doesn't even matter. I had to fall and lose it all, But in the end it doesn't even matter." It's true too. In ten, twenty years time, will we even care that we got a B/C for our project? Will the impression our supervisor have of us matter anymore? Won't we look back and laugh at how depressed we got over seeing blank gels upon blank gels (oooh with the beautiful 1kb marker though, heh. They're our speciality!).

Seriously. We also resort to baby talking. And making jokes loaded with tons of sexual innuendos and double entendres. *wink* Anyways. It was Daph's birthday today. A few of us went to Pizza Hut after labwork and ate well, pizza. And the works! It was so fun, we were so high and delirious, bopping along to "Mmmbop" (what else, q:), tonelessly singing to the old songs blaring on Class95. Without having drunk anything at all, mind you. And I had to head to Marche after that cos I agreed to meet Linette and gang some time ago, it's her birthday as well. When I was half dead and doggone tired. Bleh, nearly fell asleep into my drink! Laughed ourselves silly at the way Collin resembled the baboon though. Tres amusant. q;

I had a freakingly surreal dream last night. It was so tangible that I awoke at 2 am, gasping for breath, shuddering/cringing at the memory. Well, nothing happened happened, it was more of the implications involved that truly scared me. And I couldn't go back to sleep after that.

Sunday, January 12, 2003
09:47 p.m.

After much hemming and hawing, debating and hesitating, I finally handed in my application form for UQ this afternoon. It is a pretty major step forward. It's like a concrete decision, a change in dynamics... When all's said and done, plans are, after all, just plans. Acting on the aforementioned plans; that's another thing altogether.

It's scary. And exhilarating, at the same time.

Saturday, January 11, 2003
09:17 p.m.

Visited the dentist in the morning and was pleasantly surprised when she announced that my teeth were in good condition. *wink* Especially since I haven't dared to go back in 2 years after she made several horrifying discoveries. The scaling hurt like hell though. And I only have one wisdom tooth. How good is that? (: Skipped band practice because I wasn't feeling up to sitting under the freezing air-con, huffing (puffing) and performing finger acrobatics in time to the baton.

Anyways, remind me never to shop with my parents again. Now I remember why the last time my mom actually paid for my clothes was a long time ago. I haven't bought new things for the past few Chinese New Years', figured it's pointless since I more or less get new togs throughout. But like I told my mom, it isn't really "fair" when she pays for my sister's stuff and not mine. Suggested she give me the money and I buy whatever I like whenever I like but she refused, as was expected. To shorten my grandmother's story, I wanted this off white far-eastern dress. She thought it was too transparent and told me to get it in a larger size and/or a different (beigy) color. When the one I tried on fit perfectly, and the white color combination was so much nicer. But to her, I was trying to flaunt my curves. Eh excuse me, isn't that well, the whole point of enhancing one's figure? It certainly wasn't skin tight, nor was it clingy. It only skimmed my body! It wasn't sheer either, the only thing you could see was my silhouette! At times like these (and on many other similar occasions), I think she'd only be truly satisfied if I'm wearing a sackcloth and look like a baggy misshapen lump of dough. My sis (uncharacteristically) wanted a halter top. Mom thought it too skimpy.

Geez. Remind me never to shop with my parents again. She didn't just get on my nerves, she trod all over the fine sensitive endings, pissing the hell out of me. And if you don't want to see a Very Sarcastic Sarah passing snarky acerbic comments (that you never thought I'd even dream of saying), go away. Be especially careful when I happen to be bloated, crampy and cantankerous. Decided not to meet Jem for dinner, didn't feel like staying out late cos I'm still cold-y. Didn't meet Kevin either. I think there's something wrong with me, I've been such a recluse in the last couple of weeks. Positively desperate for chances to stay home and laze around. So I finished "My life is a toilet" and "The Great Train Robbery". Nice little bit of entertainment.

Bleh. I so want that dress! And I wish my feet aren't freezing themselves off.

Friday, January 10, 2003
08:55 p.m.

You won't believe it I don't believe it: I've gone and fallen prey to the flu again. Felt feverish and headachy yesterday but had to stay because I was leading singspiration for CF. Today was worse, we had a six hour practical with a woman whose voice raises the hair on my arms. Cannot stand the way she modulates her tone, increasing the volume at extremely inappropriate (and nerve-grating) intervals. And a couple of us are starting to have our doubts about her well, qualifications? Because she couldn't clarify some of our most basic doubts, she came up with completely illogical explainations for some weird results. Geez. Why couldn't we have gotten Dr Gandhi or Dr Koh or Huang Yan? Or somebody who at least knows what's going on? Insted, we get her for the next 8 weeks! Partner's also starting to seriously freak me out, she actually started studying during the 2hr break today. (Note: school commenced on Monday! No tests or anything coming up for a long long time!) Says she's tired of always placing second after Grace and wants to aim for first this semester. *shrug* Whatever pleases her I guess. It's just that it can get really pressurising. Overwhelmingly so, most of the time.

Honest, I can't believe I've got a cold again, after only just recovering a couple of weeks ago. Can't sleep at night, can't manage to stay asleep if I doze off. I think I need pills or something. Worst is the fact I've sort of double booked myself for tomorrow and Sunday. I'm sick, I feel so blooody miserable it's not even funny. Though it oughtn't be funny but hey, some people are mean and take sadistic pleasure when hearing that someone feels rotten. Especially if that person happens to be me. (No, I'm not suffering from paranoia, neither do I think the world is out to get me and me alone. It's just that, well, the above sentence happens to ring true for certain specific people.) Whatever.

I need someone to sayang me, to stroke my hair and cuddle me to sleep.

Wednesday, January 8, 2003
09:10 p.m.

After much confusion and staring cross-eyed at the computer screen (for 7 hours, no less), I finally managed to decide what I wanna do for my major. It's probably gonna be a Biological Chemistry (medicinal chem & biochem) or Biochemistry (metabolic & medical biochemistry) major. Haha, you think they all sound simliar? It is! Which is why I got hopelessly mixed up. Most of the modules I'm interested in taking are offered in quite a few majors so I figure I might as well do a double major after all (since they overlap anyways). I'll be applying to UQ this weekend, will prolly try for UNSW since application is free during the open house.

Gosh, it's rather well, exciting. And scary too. Another proverbial door is about to open. And I must pluck up my courage to step through - alone. Well, not quite, because Isabelle will take care of me. (: