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Saturday, May 10, 2003
01:25 a.m.
Alright then, last paper in NP, over and done with. The freaking exam hall was so cold, I could barely hear my brain cells tick and tock, let alone write my answers in a legible hand. Sigh. After going through the paper with Lianne, I realised (well actually, I kinda figured I wouldn't do well when I saw the questions and realised I got hopelessly mixed up with the last two chapters, but never mind that) I'd be lucky to get 70%. Look at the rapid decrease in my grades, from near 90% to this. Horribly dismal and pathetic, and this regression isn't only restricted to Proteomics! I'm seriously rethinking my decision to leave for Australia so soon after graduation. I mean, look at where all this stress and constant workload has led me to, look at the end result of not having proper holidays for such a long time. I really can't bear to study anymore. And even now, with the exams finally out of the way, partner and I have to prepare the powerpoint slides for our internal examination (final year project) on MONDAY. Sigh. I know everything school-related will all come to an end in less than a week's time, but seriously, at moments like these, it doesn't seem soon enough.
Thursday, May 8, 2003
02:00 p.m.
Bloody deflated. Today's paper was horrid, horrid. IF Dr S is still marking it, and IF he's more lenient than he usually us (that's saying quite a lot), I might hope to scrape by with an overall A. Fucking hell. Everything I made the effort to remember didn't come out, and vice versa. Damnit. My mom expects me to score straight As this semester, never mind that we've got 8 modules this time. So what if only 4 of them are examinable? The project alone took up so much time, and that's not taking into account the dreadful emotional toll it had. And. They're going to blame me for not being able to manage having a boyfriend and my studies. Like I'm not old/ mature enough to juggle both. It's got nothing to do with Kane, this horrible feeling of apathy and lacklusterness inside. He's only been encouraging and understanding, it's totally not his fault I feel so empty and WHATEVERish.
Oh, to hell with tomorrow's Proteomics. Might as well make it a nice even number and get 4 Bs. I don't have the energy to care, let alone study, anymore.
Tuesday, May 6, 2003
03:02 p.m.
Gah. I simply cannot, cannot, CANNOT make myself study anymore. Took me a whopping 4 hours to study the first two chapters of Proteomics because I couldn't concentrate on anything. Ended up day-dreaming of the things to do once the whole school shit ends. *beatific grin* Plans include cooking lessons, devouring good "intellectual" books (instead of all the fluff I've been subjecting my poor brain to), clearing up the pigsty, erm erm... Tanning, cycling, everything! I can't wait!
Monday, May 5, 2003
11:59 p.m.
Exam wasn't as good as I expected. Nerves jittery and frayed, I think it might have partly been because I ODed on tea and pandadol. Blargh. Whilst doing the paper, I figured if I answered everything correctly (especially the stupid calculations), I would have had a good chance of getting an A overall. But when we compared answers later, I realised I made a mistake that caused me 13 marks. Thanks to Dr F and his stupid stupid misleading tutorial. *growl* Now my overall grade is sort of hanging inbetween an A and a B, it all depends on how lenient and generous he is. Blah!
Had ice cream prata, plus an egg one at Jalan Kayu just now. Got a hair trim too, though my parents said they can't really tell the difference. It looks neater though, and I don't look so messy anymore. On top of the other conversations, I'm also currently having a very very interesting one with Faizal, regarding kisses. *grin* Very amusing! And hey, I just discovered the coolness of Smallville. Clark's CUTE. *drool*
Sunday, May 4, 2003
08:11 p.m.
Was reading through a friend's past entries (okay, I'm bored and my panic button kinda got stuck and I can't get it to turn on, which is why I'm online again with the threat of tomorrow's exam hanging over my head), and I just have to write a little short entry on something I used to feel (and still feel) rather strongly about. Only previously, I didn't quite have first hand examples to prove my point, but now I do. Heh. Nice guys do not finish last. Not always. It depends on the situation, on the girl in question, on the timing being right, and on multiple other factors, but yes, nice guys don't always finish last. Take Kane for example. (: After being the classic meantime boy all these years, not being able to find someone he liked (who liked him back at the same time), being in unrequited love (having the ones he wanted only thinking of him as a very good friend and nothing more), being the object of quite a few other people's affections, he finally got what he really wanted, and not what he thought he wanted all along. Me! *contented grin* And the only reason I can say that with such self-assurance is because he's told me so, many times. Heh.
Anyways. I guess my point is this. He never let the times when he was emotionally hurt, change the way he saw things. He never became *that* scared of rejection, that he would not make the first move to tell a girl that he liked her. (If he didn't let me know how he felt I would have never known, and, being the "traditional" girl I am, I would have not felt it was my "right" to initiate. And he knew I liked Kevin then, and therefore the chances of me liking him back was pretty low. Yet he still went ahead and liked me, and also had the guts to tell me how he felt). He never once turned sour and said, "Alright, I've had it with being Mr Nice, I've had it with always being the meantime boy, I'm gonna be a jerk from now on. Because girls only go for bad boys (nan2 ren2 bu4 huai4, nu3 ren2 bu4 ai4)". He contiued being the person he innately was. Continued to let himself love. (Lest you think he's someone who loves at will, he's only seriously liked a handful of girls before, and for a minimum of one year at each time). Never let bitterness eat away at his heart and soul and mind. Sure, there were times he doubted he'd ever find someone to call his own, there were days he felt he was wishing on someone else's star, there were many times he felt as though love were one huge hoax... But he never let it have an adverse effect on him in the long run. Look at what happened now, because he didn't give up hope. He's happy. I'm happy.
And frankly, I like love him because he's nice. Of course it's not the main reason, but I would never trust a jerk. I feel a little weird writing about him in such a personal way, but it's something I feel I've just got to share with all the exacerbated guys/ girls out there. Spoken from personal experience. Happiness can, and will happen to those who have the patience to wait, and the faith to believe! Really. (: