[feeling: not good]

so im here again. after reading my dear frens' blogs.

cher seem a little little bit better. just tt she tink she hexed. haha. i tink you r just being paranoid lorhs cher.

huey. hias. she's sinking into depression again. it seems even deeper this time. hias. and pig jia oso lorhs.

i dunno larhs. my heart's very dunno how to describe leh. like it's all knotted up inside. i really dunno how to help u all. hias. i really dunno larhs. all i can say is tt most of the time right.

it's all in ur mind.

if u r determined to be happy right. u will be lorhs. altho' it may be very difficult. altho' it may take a lot to block all ur unhappiness so u can be happy. but right.

it's all in the mind.

im so worried abt u all. hias. i so so so wish u all wun be like tt.

[feeling: sour]

dunno larhs. just saw something. makes my heart so sour. eh. -_-

newae. huey! im not dead hor dun curse me. hehs. just been like trying very hard to study and not like come online. but see wat im doing now. sianz.

newae. pig jia. haha. i got my new phone! haha. been using it for like a week liaos. eh. yarhs. huey! it's 6100. haha. our dream phone. :) hehs.

hehs. well. that's about the most exciting thing that happened to me this week. the rest of the time is just spent mugging and tinking of him. yep. nth else. oh yarhs. and how can i forget. of cos i've been sleeping. he says i spent 1/3 of my life sleeping.

eh. thursday went for my uncle's wedding dinner. hias. quite sad larhs. tink im very distant from all my relatives liaos. cos haven't been contacting with them for such a long time. sianz. just put me off from going for any other gatherings with them. hias.

hmm. people directly around me seems quite normal. except for ranjay who seem really down nowadays just look at his blog. hias. really hope there's someway to cheer him up. hehs. decided the whole class should treat him nicer. haha. :) but we have always been a very nice class. well. guess it's a bit too clique-y at times. hehs.

wondering how's seejia huey cher doing now. hehs. shall go read their blogs now.

[feeling:not very good]

to: seejia huey cher

all of u are so depressed nowadays.
it makes me so sad to see u all so.
hias.
i really hope i can do sth for u all but.
i can't.
all i can offer are words.

and the rest is really up to u all.

as much as i wanna be there for u all everytime u all cry. everytime u all need a shoulder.
i can't. im sorry to say it.

but i can't.

we r so separated to diff't schools.
i just wish n pray the best for u all.
hope u all will be strong.

u all must be strong k?

dun give up on urself. dun give up on our frenship.

dun give up on the world.

*cher*
only pw wat. it's not like the whole world or wat. me huey n i believe seejia n a lot of other ppl oso facing big problems with pw. hehs. must go on k. must get the highest marks in ur grp. must show ur damn grp members tt u r much n damn better than them. ganbatte! i noe u can do it.

*huey*
well. i wrote wat i wanna tell u in ur gbk liaos. hmm. achieve to be his very good fren k. :) trust me. when the time comes it just come. there's really no need to be so head over heels over one guy. if time and events have proven he's not the one. let it go. really no use holding it so tightly. sometimes. the more tightly u hang on to something. the more it wants to get away. u noe right? i experienced it before. with jy. it's really bad X(

*seejia piggie*
well. u are like having the same problem with huey. hias. but im more worried abt u. hias. cos u get so much more depressed. n ur situation is quite worse than hers. seriously. sometimes it might just be paranoia on ur side? i dunno. newae. like wat i told huey. at least remain contact with him lorhs. cos u wrote in ur blog u r scared he dun care abt ur frenship with him anymore right. so build on the frenship first. from his sms seem like he's quite sad. maybe try lending him a hand? hehs.

i love all of u so much pls dun be so sad anymore.
really no one else can help u all other than

urself

so ganbatte.
i'll be here k?

[feeling: blank]

to: linz my captain

read larhs it's ok. i hope u'll see this.

yarhs. we chose to take up the forms with a common goals. haha. but ever since elections my goal has blurred. it's no longer so simple anymore. there is so much more to it now.

like having to deal with all the politics. it's just so tiring and sometimes the only thing i wish for is tt at least we will have harmony within terra so that there will at least be something tt i can hold on to. and turn to when im tired. so tt at least my goal is clearer.

n i've tried. maybe not very hard. but i've tried to forge better relationship with u, fq and hl. but sometimes it just seem so difficult and i've more than just given up. hias. with tt big fat haogen is ok larhs i guess. i dunno leh.

seriously. between me n fq i tink there's this big gap caused by the yltc incident. hias. seriously. i dunno larhs. it has been so long. i had my pt of view i really wish he can try to understand but. hias.

i really really hope tt this kind of things will not affect our (terra) relationship. not only working relationship. but as friends. cos wat's the use of only forging working relationships. and outside of terra we r so cold to each other?

sometimes when i see u all i may appear dao cos right. seriously. im really quite sianz liaos. i dunno how to put it across to u but. hias.

ok. nvm. let's work harder togeTher k. give it one more shot then. newae. ha. im making the most i can outta this situation.

just hope tt things can be better.

[feeling: full of anticipation]

cos im looking forward to seeing him later at the library! hehs.

newae. my skin feel hot inside out. got seriously buRnt yesterday at the doggie beach party at sentosa. aiyo. sorry arhs huey. it really slipped my mind that i've to go for it until sat when teo reminded me. aiyo. gomae i couldn't go library with u.

newae. at first i felt quite extra cos mostly hc ppl wat. only got me, teo n gloria 3 stray cats from other schools. but as events passed and the sun grew hotter. i realised that christina's and eve's class [coincidentally they r oso 7b] really not bad lorhs.

in fact. during the amazing dog race i had tremendous fun playing ard. joking abt n hearing their scandals! haha. :) newae. all the dogs are so cute! hehs. im so tempted to own one. but then it costs a lot. in terms of money and time. yarhs. :l

eh. newae. tink this event is actully quite screwed up. the organizer tot that at least 100 + people will turn up. but in the end less than 50 turned up. hehs. but then i tink it's quite a good event lorhs. the owners can enjoy the games with the dogs.

but some dogs are sEriously tired lorhs. they kept sticking their tongue out and panting like siaoz. i remember that time kiwi told me that if the dog's tongue is like permanently out they are damn tired and everything. eh.. feel that some of the dogs kena abused leh.

haha. newae im damn tired now and my whole body aches. due to sunburnt areas and muscle aches. man. had a lot of troubles sleeping lorhs cos i can't lean on any one side of my shoulder too much. damn pain.

oh yarhs. newae. yesterday i went to sit by the seaside and i had a sniff of the sea breeze that i miss so much. hias. dunno larhs. maybe i hang on too much to the past. but a lot of things reminds me of Maldives. i dunno y. maybe. i too mesmerized by its beauty? hehs.

damn pw. have to hand in today lorhs. sianz. my grp haven even finish lorhs. i dun see how we r gonna hand in. damn. hias. sianz arhs. i woke up like at 5 plus to edit the draft. but the majority of the draft still needs touching up n i can't do it alone. hias. damn.

[feeling: better]

after writing down everything. i feel better. newae. hias. just now archive wrongly then archive wrong thing. hehs. the august archive got some problem. haha.

wow. need to do lotsa things by tml. copy math vectors notes n do bio. better faster go bathe liaos. hehs. shall go offline.

jiayou shiyun!

u oso jiayou for ur prelims arhs.

[feeling: a bit of despair]

today teo n me tok. abt hse stuff.

well. she told me wat my captain told her larhs. yarhs. hmm. like wat she dun like abt me. my teh. my act cuteness. my bluntness.

ok. i admit i shouldn't be so blunt sometimes larhs but then 99% of the time im only like playing lorhs. too bad they can't see and well. i admit at times im at wrong larhs. so nvm i'll gladly change this.

but then my teh and my act cuteness. siaoz. firstly. i really Do noT act cute lorhs. it's just me lorhs. n seriously most of the time when i teh i can't tell the difference between that and my normal voice so i tot im just like speaking quite normally. yarhs.

n she oso can't stand me keep saying sorry. sad to say. tt's just me lorhs. hias. actually seriously. i dun tink they dislike all these abt me. i tink they already are prejudiced against me tt kind. hias.

and sad to say i've a very bad feeling it's StiLL due to the yltc incident which was like so damn long time ago and they just dunno how to put things behind them. hias. seriously arhs. if it's those evil pple right.

i really do not care a damn of how they feel lorhs. they can tok back abt me and act hypocritical in front of me i'll not be affected by them.

im only very scared tt those good ppl i like will kena their influence and start tinking tt im the evil one. if tt really happen right. i really will be very sad lorhs. hias. :l sianz arhs. i hate politics. hate hate hate.

back in st nicks life was so peaceful. i realise. hias. i've grown up n i've to face the outside world liaos. no longer in my warm home in st nicks or like in primary school where there's little or practically NO backstabbers who will stab u not once, not twice, but forever. they will forever remember the one thing u did wrong.

n they'll start picking on u. n their whole clique will start doing the same. gossip behind ur back. spread rumours abt u.

hias. n sad to say. im actually quite sad tt my senior oso tot tt im not qualified to be a hse rep cos she tot i did sth to the results so i can safely get into hse reps. well. i dun deny i had the chance.

i had the chance to choose whether to enter or not. i did.

n i seriously reGretEd not giving up the chance of becoming a hse rep. i really really seriously regretted. it'll be the worst thing i've done in nj.

to choose to be a hse rep. when i had the chance to just give up. well. u wld ask y i din right. cos i really really din wana leave teo all alone to face those evil ppl. i tink she wld have died by now if she's all alone in there. n she join partly oso cos of me.

so we r in it together n im really very glad tt she's alwiz there for me when i need her. even tho im very fierce to her at times. n i scream at her at times. seriously. i apologise for those times. hias. really i feel she's my cloest fren now. really. in nj at least.

hias. how i wish i've just chosen to run for oac exco. even if i never get in i'll be happily in oac w/o any troubles cos the pple there are all so nice and friendly unlike the evil ppl in hse reps. hias. :l.

seriously. if only i cld turn back time.

i'll go back to the time i was in Maldives. i wanna re-live it again. it's the most wonderful thing tt have happened in my life. it's thru it tt i noe kiwi. oh my. i'll do anything to be able to turn the time back. back. back. back...