[feeling: relaxed]

haha finally. all my papers finish le. hehs it seems like the beginning of the year when i was still working in hsbc was not far away. and there was arts orientation. then now suddenly semester one 05-06 is over le! haha -_- amazingly fast i really dunno whether to be happy or sad. hehs.

cos i sorta want my studies years to last longer. it's like last few years to study before stepping into working society. so really must treasure this precious last few years! haha.

newae just now went to watch harry potter and the globet of fire (: really very nice. haha. watched at clementi cinema. a bit ulu and the screen seats not say very nice larhs but well it's only $5 and it really depends on who u go with marhs. haha. (:

really had fun today. wow i tink i should deserve it larhs have been really working quite hard for the past few weeks! haha missed 3 consecutive weeks of guitar le! haha miss guitar so much. now i can finally touch my precious again. (: haha. have been neglecting it for so long.

well for now i'll play some games first =p haha.

[feeling: gratified]

sunset at the bridge was beautiful
the lone star in the sky
peeked out from the clouds up above

though it was faint
and though it was soft
i heard the star call out to me

"now don't be scared
wipe away your tears
i'll give you the strength
i'll give you the hope
to complete this journey
you have thus embark on"

so now im no longer scared
and i no longer trembles
when negative thoughts flood me
i know
my star will see me through

sunset at the bridge was beautiful (:

[feeling: relaxed]

haha yay another paper down. one last one to go (: hehs. but i really have to pia for psych leh haha haven't touch it at all. haha. newae hmms genes and society was ok larhs. i feel it's more difficult then the mid term test. then it's oso very extremely tricky.

and the worst kinds of question is where the last two options are combinations of the first three options. like D. A&B / E.A&C then like tt can't do by elimination. makes me giddy and wonder whether my concepts are actually correct or not boo. haha.

well still quite slack now. hehs tink i'll start pia-ing tml larhs haha. tt's just me.

a procrastinator. (:

[feeling: slack]

haha i feel slack cos my most dreaded paper -history- was over yesterday (: hehs. tml got genes and society but it's ok larhs cos it's really like revising part of my jc bio so im quite confident in it larhs. (: hehs not say will definitely get A larhs but ok larhs (: hehs.

newae hehs today studied with my friends but we ended up playing dai dee and bridge! haha my god my friend is damn good at playing larhs. dunno how to describe arhs haha. other than yew tze he's the other person whom i noe can really remember all the cards that have came out and can accurately count how many cards he can win. haha if he has a good partner he'll definitely be able to win larhs haha. good partner as in a partner who is not blur blur like me alwiz put wrong card wrong suite. haha.

newae really had lots of fun today haha. (: have been mugging for very hard last few days so today was really relaxing. hehs. well after tml have to pia again for my psych paper. really have to try to do well for it larhs cos it's gonna be my major so i expect myself to excel in it. not say like get A so good larhs haha but at least must be reasonably well lorhs. haha.

ok larhs now i'll go back to studying (: hehs.

[feeling: relieved]

haha only 1 paper down and im starting to feel relieved. is that bad or wat? haha 4 more papers to go. jiayou! (:

[feeling: nervous]

5 more hours to my first major paper in nus. haha i haven't study finish yet leh how. hmm just hope it'll be good larhs. but ive a very bad feeling eh. i really very scared that i dun haf enuf points to write later then die le. hias. can honestly say that i dunno my material at the back of my hand. there are somethings i read le but not very sure of. and not only for this mod but for the other mod oso. sians.

really just hope everything will turn out good.

[feeling: moody]

hias dunno wat was wrong with me today [technically yesterday meaning wednesday]. in bad mood for most of the day. really feel very terrible cos when im in a bad mood the people [in this case it falls on one poor person] around me really suffer quite badly. especially those who are closer to me will understand larhs. my mood swings can be really extreme and i can be really mean when im not very happy. hias.

hmms really i have absolutely no idea why im in a bad mood. hmms perhaps it's due to the build up of various events that's happening around me? i really really dunno. maybe it's just simply due to pms bah. ha.

well just wanna apologise to the poor person who had to bear with me today. and thanks for being so understanding and still so caring towards me even though most of the time i was just snapping at u. hias. really tink u can be too nice sometimes le. but really really glad that u were here for me. (: really. thanks a lot.

well scary leh tml will be my very first paper in nus - japan and singapore. haha really quite worried eh still have some bits havent finish studying and those that i did study hmms somehow i dun really noe if i really did get it in? haha. hias ppl pls wish me good luck man. haha.

承诺常常很像蝴蝶 美丽的飞 盘旋然后不见
但我相信你给我的誓言 就像一定会来的春天

[feeling: mixed]

this period of time is really difficult and i just want you to know that pls have faith in me. it may be really hard for you cos i noe u r really scared of getting hurt. but no matter wat we will walk through this together.

and no matter wat's the ending like i would like to tell u that it's the journey that counts and really im glad that we walked down this path tgt. it has been a really wonderful journey and no matter where it'll lead us. no matter wat we'll still be frens forever. (:

let's just learn to take things one step at a time now and dun tink too much cos there's really no point in doing so. no one noes wat'll happen in the future yarhs. and no matter wat happened i will respect your choice k? pls remember that.

pls promise me u'll be happy.

lying in my bed I hear the clock tick
and think of you
turning in circles confusion
is nothing new
flashback to warm nights
almost left behind
suitcase of memories
time after

sometimes you picture me
i'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me I can't hear
what you have said
and you say go slow
i fall behind
the second hand unwinds

if you're lost you can look and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you I will be waiting
time after time
if you fall I will catch you I will be waiting
time after time

time after time

after your picture fades and darkness has
turned to gray
watching through windows I'm wondering
if you are ok
and you say go slow
i fall behind
the drum beats out of time

if you're lost you can look and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you I will be waiting
time after time
if you fall I will catch you I will be waiting
time after time

time after time
time after time
time after time
time after time

time after time - eva cassidy

[feeling: sleepy]

hmms. will be missing guitar lessons for today next week and next next week. so sad. hias. really have to mug very hard now. still got a lot haven't finish yet. haha. really dunno how im gonna pull through at the rate im going. haha.

well i just wanna remember this:

nobody is indispensable.

keep that in mind k? keep that in mind and no one will ever be able to hurt u.

not even me.

[feeling: not good]

i hope u understand that it's not that i dun want u here but i dun want to see u torment urself. it just isn't the best medicine for my heart.

i really want u to be happy.

[feeling: lost]

我要如何　才能拥抱你呢
紧紧抱着　我吻你你附和
从朋友　晋升情人角色
从苦涩　转变成了快乐

把钥匙交给了你　你却转身将我囚禁
在一扇叫做等待的门里
你试过　那么多心的锁
怎么就不来开启　我的爱情

Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me what to do
才能让你不孤单　我不孤独　一起找幸福
当这个世界一步一步　华丽到荒芜
请放心　我还是你的信徒

Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me you love me too
我可以继续付出　付出就够我满足
不相信爱情对我　永远残酷
我奢望　时间会为我祝福

看着我这样投入　难道你都没有感触
不接受至少给我些帮助
就说你感动到想要哭
多少能减轻一点我的痛苦

Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me what to do
才能让你不孤单　我不孤独　一起找幸福
当这个世界一步一步　华丽到荒芜
请放心　我还是你的信徒

Love you, Love you, May I love you?
Tell me you love me too
我可以继续付出　付出就够我满足
不相信爱情对我　永远(的)残酷
我奢望　时间会为我祝福

may i love you - 张智成

[feeling: hungry]

now im stuck in the stats lab with my fren. and im so hungry now. arhs. i haven't study finish wat i wanted to so im quite stressed now.

only 15 days left. how to finish everything. ha. i really hope can finish everything.

[feeling: high]

张智成! arhs haha still very hyper now cos of him. (: can't seem to forget leh. he smiled at me! (: haha so sweet. newae i tink he's a very nice person cos he's very friendly. and he's not proud and doesn't like put on a front in front of fans. (: haha.

totally in love now. haha.

newae hmms he's on his way to aust now. really hope he'll go there safely and come back safely oso. (: haha hope that everything will go well for him. and meanwhile i'll study hard for exam! haha. (:

张智成!

[feeling: ok]

i realised my feelings dun vary a lot nowadays. ha.

-replies to cboxers-

serene- yep maybe i'll give it a try but then a bit too lazy to hmms buy haha. newae can't wait for u n ting to come down next fri! haha.

mayi- hees thanks my cute little ant friend. (: haha well u must jiayou for exams oso and if u've any troubles can come to me too! haha. well i'll try not to squash u haha.

sunshine- aiyo i tot somebody got A levels to pia for still can come online and luff at ppl? haha. jiayou k? (: very fast will be over le.. (:

newae arhs! haha just now went for z chen concert. he came to nus marhs. haha he's so damn cute on stage larhs! (: haha totally smitten and in love with him now. haha. then i got him to sign his album for me. and i was taking a photo of him and he posed for me (: ARHS! haha sorry im feeling really high now. haha.

yay! he's so cute~

newae now have to go help decorate tv lounge. we having halloween party tonight. haha.

happy halloween! (:

btw. i love z chen!

[feeling: happy]

-replies to cboxers-

jo- haha it's i tried to plan my timetable but then haha can't seem to squeeze everything in leh. sians really dunno how to study finish le >< btw joanna! happy bdae! (:

serene- wow haha u really noe a lot sia well but im not really into aromatherapy larhs. hmms but i'll shall eat more bananas yay! haha.

LG- forget it bai chi. no matter how hard u try to deny u r still a bai chi. (: haha. and dun tink u take stat then very li hai ok. bleahs =p

haha went out with him yesterday (: hehs. trying to spend more time with him these few days before he goes aust. haha. cos he'll only be back on the 25 nov! haha so long ): newae really had fun with him today (: it's been such a long time tt we had so much fun tgt. really just enjoy his company even if we dun tok much. haha reminds me of a card teo gave me "a fren is someone whom u can sit in complete silence, and still walk away feeling you have had the best conversation of ur life." (:

i tink it applies for here too. =p hehs.

[feeling: bad]

-replies to cboxers-

LG- pls hor pig + bai chi = you (: remember this equation ok?

weimin- haha still feel bad ): well hopefully nth goes wrong with any of ur letter over there haha.

serene- haha have confidence in urself larhs surely can get in one (: haha. well it's ok larhs im glad to have lunch with u too marhs silly gal. haha.

jo- opps haha i tot u all will have like complimentary tix one eh cos ur hall marhs. well haha so excited can't wait for monday to come!

why am i feeling bad again? hmm i oso dunno leh. sorta planned out my time table just now - from today until end of exam. my god i really dunno how to fit everything in lorhs. how to study finish? so sianz hias i really need some serious motivation. need to have more discipline. and need to spend more time studying. now really no time to slack and play anymore le.

N-O no.

arhs can someone save me from my mood swings? ): damn.

[feeling: ok]

went lunch with lg yesterday (: i nearly choke on my food. haha. i dunno y he nv fails to make me luff. i tink it's cos he's too silly le. so big (i shall not use the 'o' word haha) le still dunno how to behave. but it's ok he alwiz cheer me up haha thanks so much bai chi!(:

before that went to collect z chen's concert tix with eve! haha he's coming down to nus for concert! haha well for those who have no idea he's the one who sang "may i love u" the very nice song! haha (: well. so cool this's the first time i ever queued up for this kind of thing =p haha. yay can't wait for monday to come. z chen! (:

had guitar lesson yesterday too. haha it was full house! it has been a long time since we have full attendance (: sandy and lisa were quarreling and sandy hit lisa with the guitar. poor rosli had to "pull" them apart. haha. well really glad that everyone is still enthu about guitar! really hope that the class will stay tgt. well meiyun's having second tots about quitting. really hope she'll continue. and hope that jia will be able to join us next sem! (: haha.

today's there's no history tutorial. and there's no genes lect (since a long time ago). therefore ive no lessons today! haha well im not gonna slack ard k? i'll study hard today hehs so can go out with him tml! (: he's going overseas to wallaby soon. for ns training haha. must make good use of the time left. (:

yay it seems like it's gonna be a good day today. pls let it stay this way (:

-reply to cboxers-

jo- haha it's not easy being a gemini i guess. i dunno. i just feel so. or perhaps im trying to disillusion myself?

dry daughter- hey thanks dry daughter i noe u'll alwiz be there for me. (: and u must noe tt i'll alwiz be here for u too! haha. newae i dun care i want serene in my hall! haha =p you can come and visit us if u want. haha.

serene- haha u should consider staying in euosff! haha even if it's only for fun =p but if u wanna stay in residence u shld stay in ridge view. my fren says though it looks not very nice from the outside but inside it's really very nice one. and it's centralised so easy to move around whether u wanna go sci / arts. haha yep. opps and newae i tink it's just a inborn thing for gemini to have 2 personalities can't change one? i dunno at least i tink so. haha.

zhuren- u ok zhuren? why u wanna cry *hugs* dun cry ok? (: ur hammie is here to protect u! haha well zhuren jiayou for ur exams k? hehs. and yep u must help me find a cure for my sleepiness! yay.

weimin- sorry! actually i received ur letter quite long ago just that i haven't had time to hmms reply u. sorry! hehs. (: will try to reply soon k? *hugs* take care over there pls.

merlion- haha i nv say u nv read marhs silly =p well how are u? heard from meiyun u r getting more and more stressed. well do take care of urself k? and dun worry too much yarhs u can do it one merlion! (: *hugs*

cm- haha really bipolar. it's not just nus. haha. well u r a gemini too! im sure u feel that sometimes u can be split into 2 ways. haha. dunno whether should cry or luff.

well thank you dear frens for being concerned about me. (:

[feeling: not good]

just returned from watching 再说一次我爱你. thanks evelyn for the free movie tix (: haha. went tgt with her reg serene and two of eve's frens. sorry im really bad at remembering names =p haha.

well. the show is not really say very very touching larhs but i went for it with a mentality to cry all i can. to let out all i have. thanks eve for lending me ur shoulder and thanks serene for the tissue paper. (:

felt much better after crying. but now im having a terrible headache i dunno why tink ive been tinking too much. ): hias i oso dunno exactly why and wat ive been tinking so much about. sighs. it's just so difficult to be a gemini. we have two spliting personalities. and it's really hard to maintain them. one moment i may be jumping around being very happy. and the next moment i'll be sulking and bad moody. well yep maybe this is a mild form of bipolar disorder. sorry dunno whether it's the correct name haha.

hias and there's another bad quality about us. ): sighs. i dun like being a gemini.

and can someone pls cure me of my headache?

and can someone pls keep me company so i wun feel lonely?

[feeling: not good]

-replies to cboxers-

chris- haha yep actually i really do hope we can meet up soon cos we keep saying saying but nv get to leh. haha wonder how are the rest doing oso. (: haha. well sorry now exam coming perhaps after exam ok? haha yay!

cman- haha not only got curry chicken. still got roti prata then last time got bbq somemore! haha it's really good larhs but feeling fattening ): haha.

serene- haha next year come and stay in eusoff oso larhs then u can experience our homeliness here haha.

shao- haha thanks hamtaro. well u jiayou with studies okie? exam coming! haha.

lg- bai chi! (:

haha well just now i went to the student service center to settle school fees. god i was so damn fucking angry with the auntie there larhs. there was sth wrong with the giro deduction. pls lorhs it's not as if i nv hand in the form. i suspect they din process it properly thus the failure to deduct. the auntie's attitude was damn bad larhs pls she was like pushing the blame to me. hello if they nv process the thing properly it's their fault lorhs. urgh!

as if it wasn't already bad enuf. i tumbled all the way to lt32 to find out tt there wasn't any genes lecture today. god. wat's wrong huh? i tink seriously today's my unlucky day ):

[feeling: better]

thanks lg. (:

[feeling: cheerful]

haha (: last night we had halloween night in eusoff. nth much larhs. it's sth like a fright night. a not scary fright night tt is. haha. well we were supposed to go in one by one larhs but i tink they din have time so in the end went in pairs. i went with regina (: haha. along the path got ghosts! haha then supposed to get signatures and also get goodies from them (: hehs. the goodies are just some cheap cheap tidbits but well i tink it's the experience that is fun! haha the ghost are not scary one lorhs. in fact some were quite funny haha.

newae then last night got floor supper. c2 and c4 floor supper. dunno why it's not block supper leh haha. newae then we had curry chicken! yummy but very fattening. haha i din eat much larhs. it's just fun to stand ard and interact with everyone cos it's really seldom tt i get to tok to them. normally everyone just stay in their room. me and reg dun really interact with them much =p haha. cos reg's alwiz not in hall. then for me im alwiz sleeping in my room i tink? haha.

newae haha i love my block ppl. (: all very nice. my neighbours emily ruichin shaun layhoon haha just to name a few tt im closer to. well actually i really dun mind just staying in block c all the way. though it's the most ulu block haha cos furthest from busstop and dining hall. haha but well dun even noe whether got enuf points to stay in eusoff or not leh. and somemore next sem still got reg jieqi eesang. wat abt next year? dunno whether can still get reg as roomie or not leh? ):

really hope can..

[feeling: cold]

haha as in physically cold. these few days it's so freaking cold. haha i guess cos it's near the end of the year le bah. hmm 2005 really passes so quickly. it really seemed like yesterday i was still working at hsbc raffles with rama vivi huiz victor they all. and oso hsbc atrium with weimin han mayi xinyi mommy leo tracy yani sieyueh kietmin they all! haha. haha miss them all so much. haven't really been toking to them at all.

arts camp arts o week were over in a breeze and wasn't it only recently that school "reopened" haha. now it's nearing exam time already haha getting freaked out! after finishing all my term papers i really need to pia all my readings and webcasts le. ): really quite behind time.

help?!

newae yesterday went to donate blood with terence [spelt with one t. haha] and algy (: hehs the stoopid guy who helped me poke the needle couldn't find my vein at first. he said my vein was very slippery. but then he called another female nurse over to help and she immediately found it. pls larhs ): i tink he's just lousy larhs. haha. then after donating it was freaking painful larhs. i remembered last time it wasn't like tt one lorhs. it's all that guy's fault anyhow poke.

so moral of the story: next time if u wanna donate blood let a female nurse help u. it's relatively safer. (: haha.

opps im not trying to be a sexist or wat larhs. hope i wun get sued :x

[feeling: disappointed]

-a reminder for myself-

dun tink everything is back to wat it used to be. cos it's not. dun be so naive now.

btw. do wake up and stop dreaming tt things will ever be the same again.

ever.

[feeling: bored]

now at psych lecture. hmm quite boring leh. sianz it's like he nv upload the notes then we have to just listen to him and try to type the notes out ): sianz. haha. eve is sleeping beside me. she woke up momentarily to look at me type and now she's asleep again (: haha.

to jia and eve
well girl arhs i just hope tt u will be strong. i guess u noe larhs no need me to say there are people who cares about you! (: so yep i wun give u any pep talk or wat just noe tt im one of those who cares and i'll be there if u ever need me. yep.

oh btw my face is peeling terribly now! got sunburnt from arts open. was still damn red yesterday. now i look like some monster ): help. haha.

back to typing notes ):

[feeling: bad]

really dunno how i ended up on the bed. one time i was reading my south asian studies notes. next thing i noe i just woke up on my bed. ):

this is bad. really bad. urghs!

[feeling: a bit sianz]

jie qi

i dunno whether u'll see this.. but well really so sorry. to give u false hope twice. good luck for ur trial later well really hope tt next time can go run with u.

sorry.

[feeling: contended]

finally finally finished my history term paper. haha.

2 more to go ):

[feeling: sianz]

Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.

You are finding the present situation extremely demanding and you're having difficulty coping with it. A great deal of strain is involved and you would really like everyone and everything to leave you alone for a while, just so that you can put everything into perspective.

It is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no one to rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offense, but as matters stand you realize that you'll have to make the best of things as they are.

Stresses resulting from a recent disappointment have led to considerable trepidation. It would seem that there seems to be so much left undone. Everything surrounds you with that air of uncertainty. You badly need to feel a sense of security and whatever it takes to protect you against further disappointment. At this particular time you doubt that things could be any better in the future but you are sticking to your guns and refusing to take advice from any source.

At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have un-admitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?

from colourgenics.com haha saw it on mayi's page so decided to try. hmm i dunno whether it's true or not leh. and im a bit biased one i chose the colour sorta according to my liking of the color. haha. if it's true most prob it's toking abt my studies bah. really feeling extremely stressed out there's just so many things to do impossible to finish.

which reminds me. i've to go mug.

now.

[feeling: shagged]

yesterday zhenying came over to bunk (: haha cos she got early lessons today. hmm. haha let her sleep on my bed then i dunno wat time regina was coming back so i din dare to sleep on hers. so din really get enuf sleep le. ): haha.

well guitar lesson was fun today! haha rosli taught us a new song like a stone by audioslave(: haha. well it's quite a nice song haha. the solo part is very nice larhs but then well of cos if it's our turn to play i wun dare say so haha. :p

hias now im so hungry. and tired. but i dun wanna eat cos i wanna diet! haha and i can't sleep cos need to do history tut. haha. well ive been doing my history essay for nearly one week le. ): hias hope can finish by tonight? haha.

newae went shopping with meiyun after guitar. for a while larhs haha. bought this really cute and big bell. one for her one for me and we bot one for jia oso! haha shall pass to her on sat. (: then i bot 2 very cute softtoy mahjong tiles keychains for my parents! it has the word 'fa' [which means to grow rich? haha.] on it! (: hehs hope they'll like but i can just see my mom's reaction: "y u waste money on this kind of useless things" but of cos deep down they'll still be happy i bot sth for them :p tho it's a silly thing. haha.

ok i'll go mug le. :l

[feeling: touched]

oh my i just watched full circle on channel 5. it was featuring huat meng who is a tamp home resident! the story is really quite touching and im really glad tt he's able to find back his family members! i din noe tt he had such a history behind him. hmm which makes me realise tt i noe really very little about the resident.

during the show the other residents were asked to be extras in the background (: hehs feel so funny to see them on tv but as usual they look so cute! (: haha algy just called to ask me whether i watched already le. he said there's a lot of residents with even sadder stories eh. ): mer so sad. but well i just hope tt they are happy now in tamp home hehs. (:

newae just now had eusoff 18th jcrc investiture. haha. serving food is so fun but then very scary eh. actually we were supposed to serve them larhs but then they like 500 years nv eat le. haha all swarm towards the table so in the end no need to serve haha so funny. but all went well larhs luckily haha. (: yay i like my welfare comm ppl all very nice. hehs.

now ive to go bathe and faster do my work le! haha. oh algy if u read this in time: good luck for ur presentation! haha jiayou~ (:

[feeling: tired but glad]

yawnz i really dunno y i so tired. haha came back from goal! movie screening hehs (: the movie is like so nice! haha yep really glad tt they chose this movie. haha. well and im oso glad tt im not the only one who tink tt jit [his my log boss] tt looks like the male lead. haha the hairstyle and the shape of he face larhs. and according to mich smile. haha i tot his eyes maybe? dunno haha it's a mystery but he just do looks like kuno becker (: haha.

newae we started helping out in the afternoon. shifted all the things over to suntec engwah then we packed the goodie bags in less than 30 min larhs. and pls note tt it's 400 goodie bags! haha. so fast but then actually hmm haha well the goodie bag dun have a lot of things larhs =p haha. 2 packets of super ring. 1 packet drink. 1 box of fox candy. 1 packet of tissue paper. 1 goal! postcard. 1 pamphlet stating our exp cause (: haha.

ate bk and waited for the crowd to arrive haha. really too bad i couldn't sit with teo mayi zhenjie haha cos ive to give up my seats cos the sales was too good! haha we sold out all the tix [ppl bot at the door too] (: haha. but it's ok i watched it with the exp ppl.

i was in charge of ushering ppl to their seats haha saw huey (: and her hmm but then i tink get a good look of him. sorry huey i couldn't be botered after yesterday's episode. haha. and saw chee chee mon oso. blur blur chee min tot tt the movie starts at 1930. haha. it actually starts at 1900 (:

well after the movie packed up then came back with michelle and welly (: haha so cool like hanging out with them. tok to them abt a lot of things! haha. newae we agreed tt the exp ppl are easy to get along with and are very fun oso! (: haha well i told them wat happened on my first log meeting haha until now sometimes still quite traumatise by it haha.

came back went for welfare comm meeting. haha so tired le. simin [sorry dunno wheter spelt correctly] and flora briefed us abt wat we have to do tml. tml is the jcrc investiture then we have to serve food! (: haha i dun mind really then no need to like wear formal yay. haha. well then they oso told us somethings we have to do along the way etc. haha shall take note of them when they come. haha now i'll go study.

mug mug mug.

[feeling: grateful]

handing the 2 tix over to algy just now marked the end of my movie tix selling (: haha. yay finally able to sell finish 10 tix w/o having to use any of my frens' "donated money" [meaning they dun mind donating a small sum/buying the tix but not watching the movie]. yep haha.

a great big thanks to teo/mayi/zhenjie/cheemin/huey/algy (: haha and also to all others who offered to help like eve serene buddie gloria jasmine yuwen xinyi huilingchut linx boonsong jia jingjing shuying yanyi mel and many others [sorry if i missed out ur name memory is really very bad ><]

haha okie i noe i thanked u all b4 le but hias still can't get over it. feel so happy glad delighted tt ive so many good frens haha. and esp jingjing cos i only knew her in my japan and singapore tut class and she offered to help and really got one of her frens who din mind donating the money but not watching the show. haha. (: though in the end din like sell the tix to her fren cos i really dun want them to waste the $12 w/o watching the movie. but still really touched tt she helped! (: haha.

well okie i'll say it once last time.

thanks frens! (:

[feeling: nostalgic]

just visited chris yeoh's blog and flipped thru his online maldives photoalbum. my god just looking at the pictures brings back so much memory. i mean my memory is not really very good larhs and my maldives cip trip is getting dimmer and dimmer in my mind.

but i still rmb the first time we had our meeting at bouna vista. im so glad i chose to be in log comm. tt's y i got to noe my wonderful rubbish gang. (: all the time we spent slogging away there tgt really bonded us. i rmb the day we had to go we took a london cab from bouna vista down cos we got so much things to bring. at the airport we waited so long to board the silly plane which i fell asleep on almost immediately. haha well my first time taking a long flight. haha (:

we were going to male airport [the small little airport tt is not even as big as our terminal 1 arrival hall i tink haha] via sri lanka airport. haha. i rmb bert saying quite loudly tt the air stewardness have bulging stomach. haha so bad. :l when we reached male i got a shock of my life cos it was the first time i saw a sea so blue and clear. (:

wanted to take picture with our one and only banner exclaiming we are from njc and that it was a joint project with paym. haha my god blur andy left it on the plane and i rmb mr sim was so damn freaked out by it. so we took a photo w/o our offical [and one and only] banner. haha. (:

took a 6 hr boatride to kudafari. there was an island for us to stop and rest along the way. my god they prepared so many coconuts for us haha. we just slacked around there for a while b4 we continued on our trip to kudafari. haha i rmb me and evan were trying hard to help chris yeoh clear his sms box [which loaded v slowly when u open/del anything cos it was simply too full] along the way cos we were just so bored. and i was getting seasick. ><

reached kudafari. they greeted us with [surprise!] coconuts and flowers! haha. we were ushered into their medical centre and the gals squeezed into two room and the guys into one. haha. cos there were so much lesser guys. (:

i can't really rmb on which day we did wat but i rmb there was this cultural night. during their cultural night i was trying so hard not to fall asleep felt so bad. it's not tt it's not nice u noe. but we've been busy the whole day [i belive haha] and u noe me i just fall asleep yarhs. haha and actually quite a few others oso did larhs then we got a scolding from mr sim after tt. haha.

on our cultural night we put up dance for them. (: hehs they were so nice lorhs. took part actively and enthusiatically [ok i noe spelling wrong dun care haha]. they are a really nice bunch of ppl. i dunno how to describe larhs. cos they are a small closely-knitted village so they practially noe everyone. i tink u can run ard the whole island in maybe 1 hr time at a moderate speed. haha. (: so cool right.

all of them are so amiable and so friendly. it's like u noe tt in their lives things like backstabbing and hypocrisy just cease to exist cos there's no need for those. their lives are simple and they basically fish for a living. not like us wat office politics larhs wat climbing ladder shit larhs. yep.

newae haha we attempted to build a community hall for them. but the weather wasn't very nice for a few days and we din managed to complete our work there so bad. ): but other than the hall we also helped to paint some of their houses. taught the children in school. set up comps for them. built a small little hydroponics farm for them. haha. (: so cool right but i really doubt it'll survive cos the weather there is damn hot. yes even hotter than singapore (: we all came back looking chao ta. haha.

well there were free time for us also. rmb very clearly our very hardworking bert studying under the streetlight. haha. most of the time we'll just sit at the beach and talk. or sit under the coconut trees cos there are very comfortable chairs there to lie and enjoy the sea breeze [as i told u the island is very small and the medical centre we stayed at is less than 100m away from the beach haha] we played games with the village kids too in the evening haha. (: they are so cute larhs. hehs.

there was this sports day. our guys competed in soccer against the villagers guys. pls larhs we lost terribly haha they were simply too good. and there was this day we played badminton against them oso haha. (: we were invited to the chief's house for tea one day. it was simply the biggest house there larhs. the only 2 storey one i tink. it's almost the size of a semi-d bah i tink. haha but he had a very big yard and there was swings there to lie on and eat (: so cool haha.

still rmb i spent one night alone at the pavillion with kiwi. pls larhs at first our whole gang is supposed to sleep over one lorhs then they all disappeared leaving me and him only. (: haha so silly. but it was a good night larhs =p haha we din do anything of cos just tok and fell asleep le. haha.

the meals. we had 5 meals a day! haha so shuang and i can assure u tt the food the villagers cook for us are just totally heavenly (: yummy. miss the food there so much haha. there was one night we were supposed to cook for them larhs but then hmm it turned out quite disatrous cos we are bad cooks larhs basically. haha =p

most memorable is the fishing trip(: first time in my entire life i saw such a beautiful sunset. haha. i dunno how to describe larhs it's simply too beautiful le. cos out in the sea in the open there's nth blocking ur view u can see the horizon where the sea meet the sky. and the horizon is unbroken by any island or watsoever. so in ur vision all u can see is the sea and the sky. (: when the sun started setting it was like reddish orangy. then the other colors slow appeared as the sun got lower until the whole sky went dark.

and tt's when the stars came out. and i swear the stars fill the entire sky. yes really the entire sky. my god it was simply breathtaking. tried our luck with fishing and haha our loot was not bad (: haha i tink weifang got a small shark is it? dunno who caught it larhs haha. but i rmb we did catch a lot of fish and sad to say i tink most of them the villagers use for our dinner? haha. then it's like they ate the shark meat themselves cos it was tough and not nice one. they left the nice nice fishes for us. ): they were so nice to us.

the day we left the villagers walked us to the beach. ): so sad hias really miss them a lot. they looked so sad tt we were leaving and we really din bare to leave too. i rmb when we came we were tinking when we can go back to singapore but when we left we were tinking when we can go back maldives again. fought back my tears and we took the gruelling boatride and plane back to singapore.

man i really miss the place. wanna go back there again really but then it's like hias. so expensive 1st thing. and 2nd thing kiwi says he wanna go back next year but im already going for the cambodia trip le. and tt means a lot of expenses liaos. ): definitely not enuf money one le. newae if nj organise again it'll be during march which i definitely can't go cos it's during school term. hias.

really wonder whether i'll be able to visit there again.

after we came back to singapore our rubbish gang kept going out tgt still (: haha esp during the sars period. haha we din heed the govt advice to stay indoors dunno y oso leh. haha. but those times were really wonderful times. and i once exclaimed tt i really hope tt our rubbish gang will stay close tgt 4eva. but they told me it's not possible one larhs esp when the guys have to go ns le [our rubbish gang got 4 then year 1 girls and 3 then year 2 guys] which sadly to say did come true. ):

haven't seen them for ages le wonder how is everybody. really hope tt perhaps we can organise one outing soon. hehs maybe during our sem break! (: haha yay shall ask them lorhs. haha well really hope everyone is doing fine. hmm chris yeoh just hurt his leg quite badly! haha ok not just leh i tink. it's just tt i just knew from his blog. haha feel so bad ):

i miss maldives and rubbish.

[feeling: happy]

it has been a very long time since ive been feeling happy. happy tgt with him happy tgt with my family and happy being with my frens. (: hehs.

today went out with cher huey jia. haha we went toa payoh sizzler and ate so much! haha maybe except jia who has a terribly small stomach to fill haha. (: i tink i must have gained weight again >< haha. well really very happy to see them again after so long. today supposed to celebrate cher's bdae larhs haha though it's so long ago. haha (:

well huey and cher alwiz nv fail to make me luff. both of them are so funny. today we were mainly complaining about services in singapore - how bad they are. we tried real hard to think of good services but they just din come. haha. hmm. huey complained to at least 5 diff't companies before. ranging from food and beverage to handphone company. haha. shall not name them here. hehs. i realised one good thing abt complaining is that the company will give free meals or better services just to appease u (: haha. but i guess im just not those kind of complaining person. most prob when i do get lousy service. and i'll be angry for a while then it'll just cease to exist in my brain perhaps a few hours down the road. haha.

after lunch jia had to go back to studio ):. me huey cher retreated to the library children's corner to sit and tok. (: haha so nice got air con and funny books to read but then we were like blocking the way haha. we tot we've chosen the most ulu place already. >< haha. well huey says tt she quarrels with hers everyday. well i just hope tt u'll see this huey. i mean i really have nth personal against him. ive nv met him before. i mean come on i tink u r smart enuf to noe larhs he was like avoiding to meet me and cher today? haha we were quite ridiculed tt he's afraid of 2 19 years ols gals? haha. ok tt aside so i just wanna point out the fact tt ive nv met him before. then from wat i read from ur blog and from wat i hear from u. ive nth to say. i just hope tt u'll be happy. if he's really the one u r going to be with i really hope tt he'll begin to treat u better soon. im not saying he's not im in no position to say tt cos im not you but then well i just tink tt he can definitely do so so so much better.

and if the situation just doesn't seem to improve i really hope tt ur real knight in shining armour will come somewhere along the way in his nicely groomed white horse to fetch u to eternal happiness. (: haha yay. in simple words. i really hope tt u'll just be happpy really. (:

after tt met kiwi we wanted to go china square to eat yummy food there but we ended up in ps cartel instead. hehs the pork ribs there is so yummy. (: haha. i was trying to look for a white top but then couldn't find a nice and fitting one. haha. >< well actually we did nth much today really larhs it's just like one of our normal outings. haha but then really it has been so long since the last time we went out tt we were happy thru out the whole thing.

yes there i go abt telling huey to be happy and here i am right? but i really am happy. i dunno whether im trying to disillusion myself due to my policy of one lover = eternal bliss [if u r lost pls refer to my entry on 150905] haha but i really do feel very happy when im with him (: when we are not quarreling over small li'l things. when we just go out and spend time tgt. talk about things. try to find out wat's happening in each other's life. i can see and feel tt he cares so much. and i just really like being with him. really i do haha.

ok i shall stop now in case u all start puking everywhere or sth. haha.

yay off to do my history essay. haha.

[feeling: sunburnt]

haha thanks to huey 2 more tix sold! (: hehs ive 2 tix left really hope can sell them off haha.

well today spent most of my time helping at the eusoff bazaar (: hehs. from ard 1000 - 1600 haha. then towards the end the sun came out to torture me again. ive to stand in the sun to ask ppl to leave signatures and encouragments for team singapore for sea games. haha. no choice cos no where else in the bazaar got space le. ): hias so now half of my body tt is facing the sun [the right side] is totally burnt and the other side is only partially burnt. i look like some monster now.

haha and it hurts like hell ):

[feeling: better]

haha yep i guess im feeling slightly better le. thanks to all who showed concern! (: haha really glad to noe tt there are ppl who care. (:

newae last night we had exp meeting haha. xue wei was persuading us to sell as many movie tix as possible. haha cos if we dun sell at least most of them we'll incur a loss. cos we've actually already bot over the tix from the cinema le ): yep. hmm i still got 4 tix to go. minus those tt people volunteered to actually pay for the tix but can't make it. im really touched tt they are willing to do so but i'll feel very bad. yep. so im trying my very best to sell the 4 tix now.

so if say u are free coming monday 10th oct at around 7pm haha pls contact me! haha. the movie is GOAL! and the venue is suntec engwah. yep. the movie tix is $12. i noe it's a bit steep but it's for charity. tink of the kids in cambodia!

haha last night i was on msn and i had at least 19 msn windows open and toking to at least 10 ppl at one go trying to sell the tix! haha so far thanks to mayi teo zhenjie chee chee mon ive managed some sales. and the kind souls who wanna donate money are eve buddie serene chris yeoh vivien. yep. (: haha and thanks so much to people like linx huiling gloria shaun [sorry if i forgot ur name cos ive asked so many ppl to help. sorry!] who have been trying hard to help me sell the tix too. (: yep really glad to noe tt ive friends like u all tt i can count on.

yep i am lucky and i should be happy. (:

[feeling: damned]

fuck.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

so in the end it still boils down to tt larhs. u wanna stop toking cos u really dun wanna tok anymore or is it simply cos u can't find an example in which i was "unspontaneous"?

sometimes i just feel so sad. im really trying very hard to make it work. and it's like somehow u r finding fault with everything i do. ok fine im ok with tt. but u dun bother to tell me wat's wrong u expect me to read ur mind? sorry even a psychologist can't do tt. how can i ever read ur mind? u dun bother to tell me. how am i supposed to noe wat's making u upset? how am i supposed to change so u wun be unhappy anymore? if there's really sth wrong with me just tell me and i'll take it. and im willing to try my best to improve.

just for goodness sake open ur fucking mouth and tell me.

[feeling: bad]

i feel so lonely.

and i dunno y.

or perhaps i do noe why i just dun wanna admit.

somewhere over the rainbow way up high
there's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby
somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue
and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true

someday I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far behind me
where troubles melt like lemon drops
away above the chimney tops
that's where you'll find me

somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
birds fly over the rainbow
why then oh why can't I?
if happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow
why oh why can't I?

over the rainbow - angela cheung

[feeling: pessimistic]

really glad tt u r back but somehowz u dun seem to be very happy leh. ): how come.. can tell me why? hias.

just now went to help set up the eusoff bazaar. haha. all exp log and main comm ppl supposed to go down and help. and of cos dance prodution [dp] and dinner and dance [d&d] ppl also. cos it's like a major fund raising event for all 3 eusoff projects (:

basically just shift tables and chairs from eusoff to central forum haha. dun worry using a lorry not by hand. well at first felt quite awkward leh. cos i really dunno anyone there. ):

then started toking to brian first (: haha he's in log comm oso then it's like so coincidental he was from nj. haha he was from softball but i doubt he noes big fat haogen haha. well he was from sji and sad to say i dunno how come the way he talks just reminds me of ranjay and chris yeoh! haha i tink quite a lot of sji guys must have turned out to be like them. i dunno how to describe larhs. perhaps to describe them sketchily - quiet gentlemen (: haha.

talked a bit to xiaoyan oso. hehs she's the very cute small little gal. haha. but of cos she's older than me in year 3 liaos. haha she's from nj oso haha so surprising (: well she told me and brian tt when they select ppl into eusoff they really do look into the cca record. hmm i really wonder why im chosen leh if it's like tt haha.

then tok to xuewei haha realised tt she's actually not from st nix. haha cos like the first time i saw her i tot she look so familiar. haha tot she's from sn but nope she was from tkgs [if i nv hear and rmb wrongly] and tj. haha. (: well she's really very nice cos she makes it a point to like try to include me in the converse and stuff. and she's a really good leader - lead by example. (: haha. well previously i was still sorta having doubt whether i shld go for the trip leh cos there's like no one i really noe. but well i guess i'll perserve. im sure i'll be able to make good frens as time goes by. haha.

well still got japan and spore tut to do. but somehow. can't set my heart and mind to do it leh. hias still waiting for ur call. but i doubt i'll get it tonight.

really. is it my imagination or are we really..

..drifting apart ):

[feeling: disappointed]

after so many years of my life. i truly understand the phrase "a friend in need is a friend indeed". im not trying to be sore here or wat. but just such a simple episode and i can tell who're my really true frens tt will help me when im in need of help.

i really appreciate those ppl who agreed to helping me/ tink thru carefully/ even donate without going to the movie. even if in the end u all aren't able to sell the tix it's ok really. im really very touched tt u all are so willing to help me! im so glad tt u all din just reject me straight in the face without 2nd thoughts cos sad to say those who did really did hurt me ): i mean i dun blame them cos perhaps they are not free or perhaps it's like they dun have the money. but the problem is some of them promised beforehand they'll help me le. then now they like backing out again. hias dunno larhs.

perhaps it's just me. ): but well thanks again to those ppl who offered to help! (: thanks so much for showing u care~

btw - hApPy ChiLdREn'S dAy!

chpt 03: i+find+bliss+in+ignorance

chpt 04: .::numb r my feelings::.
+March & April 2002
+May 2002

chpt 05: it'sNotEasyToBeMe
+June 2002
+July 2002
+August 2002
+September 2002
+October 2002
+there's no November 2002
+December 2002

chpt 06: p|@cE.4.miE.heAd
+January 2003
+February 2003

chpt 07: uPs]dE_d0Wn_wOR|d
+March 2003
+April 2003
+May 2003
+there's no june 2003

chpt 08: ho|d 0n to mY h@nDs
+July 2003
+August 2003
+September 2003
+October 2003

chpt 09: why did you let go
+November 2003
+December 2003

My 2003

chpt 10: thistimeround[no regrets]
+January 2004
+February 2004
+there's no march 2004
+April 2004
+May 2004
+June 2004

chpt 11: run! run! run!
+July 2004
+August - September 2004
+October - November 2004
+there's no December 2004 and January 2005

chpt 12: anti*cipation
+February 2005
+March 2005
+April 2005
+May 2005
+June 2005
+July 2005
+August 2005

chpt 13: .oO lOSt Oo.
+September 2005