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sorry but i can't help but ask |
[feeling: better] according to http://test.thespark.com/deathtest/death.cgi i'll die on the December 29, 2073 at the age of 87 years old. haha. On that date you will most likely die from: haha. i wonder whether it's true. most prob not right haha. newae i wish i die b4 most ppl so i wun be lonely on earth. haha. n of cos i wish i can die on the same day as my husband-to-be [i really wonder who]. haha. so tt he will not be lonely oso. haha. :) newae. hehs. manage to tok to him a while just now. hehs. :) tho i dun tink i manage to make him happier cos he said his fren made him angry then if his fren dun do anything to make up i oso can't make him feel happier. but well. at least manage to accompany him for a while n hopefully at during tt short period of time when we were toking his mind could be taken off the thing tt's troubling him. hehs. hehs. newae. i love jang nara! her songs r so nice! sweet dream is so nice! :) hehs. it's a very cheerful song n it nv fail to cheer me up! :) hehs. haha. [2355hrs]
[feeling: knotty in my heart] wondering how u r feeling now.. better? i hope. eh. u just came online. hmm i wanna tok to u. :l but i dun dare. scared tt i'll make ur mood even worse. hias. hope u'll cheer up soon no matter wat's bothering u. [1844hrs]
[feeling: sad] wats betta den groove coverage?! groove coverage blasting in your ears! hahaha =P says: wats betta den groove coverage?! groove coverage blasting in your ears! hahaha =P is him. howdoimoveonfromhere is me. hias. so sad. :l not becos of his tone but becos. he's in a bad mood at this very moment n there's nth i can do for him. hias. can't even say something or anything tt can make him happier. hias. sians. [1403hrs]
[feeling: lonely again] hias. i din get to tok to u at all yesterday. i wonder where u r why aren't u online. oh my. i really miss u a lot. in the past when i wanted to tok to u it was just a sms away. but. i really dun dare to sms u now. im very scared u'll find me very fan. arhs. why must things turn out this way. hias. im really happy tt we shared those memories. but those very memories are killing me now. they r piercing my heart over and over again. sometimes i tot i've gotten over it but no the next moment they have to start tormenting me again. arhs. how damn long will it take for my wounds to heal? arhs. i really dunno how long i can last. arHS! [0037hrs]
[feeling: a bit down] here's a nice story :) Sometimes we spend time asking who is responsible or who to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. We miss out some warmth in human relationship to give each other support. Treasure what you have. Just a little story for you: A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy playfully went to the medicine bottle and, fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child showed signs of poisoning the mother took him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words. The husband just said, " I Love You Darling ". The husband's totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. He is indeed a genius in human relationships. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her. If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must understand her a lot and love her with all your heart. "A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step." Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears AND you will find things are actually not so difficult as you think." There are many beautiful, charming and wonderful men and women here on earth, it's just a matter of who you get to meet along the way and who you choose to end up with for the rest of your life." "Love has its own time, season and reason. You can't ask for it to stay. You can only embrace it when it comes and be glad that for a moment in your life, it was yours." [2256hrs]
[feeling: lonely] today went singapore sports council at national stadium for standard chartered marathon briefing. yep. hias. i got reminded of national day when we went to watch fireworks together. do you remember? i can still remember very well leh. u were hugging me from behind and i was thinking i must be the happiest girl in the whole world. n i secretly wished that we could watch fireworks together for years to come. really it was the best national day in my life. hias. i miss u so much. hias. but there's nth i can do now. arhs. i feel like screaming out loud. i suddenly feel so lonely. even tho i've still got lotsa frens ard me. but it's just so not the same. :( [2019hrs]
[feeling: better a bit] haha all thanks to my rubbish gang. today there's bert chris yeoh evan peiling who kept me company this evening and made me luff until i peng diao. haha :) hehs. we met at orchard mrt then we walked over to crystal jade at scotts to eat. haha. the food there damn nice! :) hehs. eh. me chris pl evan ordered our food first larhs then tt stoopid bird came late. when he came i was the only one still eating cos i haha i wanted to eat slowly so we could sit there for longer wat. haha. then he challenged me to see who can eat faster. haha. sad to say tho i've been eating for i tink at least more than half an hr. he cld have very well won me. haha. :) then after that we went to coffee club in kino for coffee. haha. pl helped me choose this mango tango freeze which is actually not bad really :) haha. stoopid bird said wat i waited so long for my drink one whole chunk of rubbish larhs like wat i've to wait for the tree to evolve n wait for the mango to drop or wat. haha. he's full of rubbish the whole night but good larhs haha :) really enjoyed all his crap. we went to the sorta like balcony (?) to sit. haha. then we cld actually see the ppl inside larhs. at first we tot the ppl inside couldn't see us then tt big fat bird actually waved to them and we kept looking at them n everything. haha. then we suddenly realise they could actually see us cos they were actually looking at us n luffing oso. haha :) we were saying the guys must be attracted to bird. haha :) when the grp of ppl went off they acutally waved goodbye to us haha. then stoopid bird wanted to wave goodbye to them too but was too late. haha. well ard 930+ the place was closing already so we were kinda chased out. haha. then bird had to be a spoiler. he said he wanted to go home liaos. haha. but nvm larhs cos haha he still have his econs s on monday. hehs. good luck bird. :) hehs. well well. today was so much fun! hehs. at first eh i was actually quite disappointed he couldn't turn up but then haha. i still did enjoy myself larhs. haha. big thanks to bird. he really nv fail to cheer me up! :) hehs. a really big joker he is one. tho he alwiz make fun of me but nvm larhs haha :) oso thanks to peiling who organised this outing. hehs. thanks so much cos it really cheer me up. i wasn't feeling very good until i met u all n haha really enjoyed myself. :) n thanks for introducing the ramen to me. haha. damn nice! :) oso thanks evan. haha. for just being there for me :) haha dun worry i'll be fine. hehs. newae u r the only one who actually replied my sms. haha. :) n oso thanks chris yeoh for accompanying me home haha. u nv fail to entertain me too on my way home with u. haha. tho it was only 3 stops. hehs. i'll try my best to organise another outing. haha. :) before u leave for new york. newae. must bring present back for us arhs! dun just bring food hor. haha :) hehs. im glad leh. tt after so many mths. when we get together i can still feel the bond there. we got tok a bit abt our times at maldives just now. abt the food. abt munima (opps forgot the spelling liaos). abt the time we lie on the beach to watch the sky. haha. :) so heartwarming. thanks ppl. u all r great! [2305hrs]
[feeling: hurt] come on larhs dun be so mean. i really dun mean anything one. just treat me as a normal fren larhs. dunno leh. feel that. when u tok to me u dun feel easy at all. not like b4. dun like tt larhs. dun hurt me further pls. i guess it's really qt impossible to return to the time b4 we started when we were just frens. dunno leh. hias. i dunno wat to say larhs just treat me normally. hias. sians. the song really very nice. n it says out wat i feel deep down. yep. so im putting it on infinite loop hope u all dun mind. eh. but i just realise tt once u press any of the links the music will stop liaos. sians. wonder wat time i'll be able to fall asleep tonight. hias. i dunno larhs. my heart is just hurting so much now i dunno why. at first it's still ok one. but then after toking to him for a while. i dunno im just very scared again. hias. im just tinking. it's so different. hias. i noe im just plain naive to bluff myself tt things might be able to be the same as b4. dunno larhs. is it really tt difficult? i dunno leh. i've already done my part. ARHS! actually i've alwiz wanted to have just one love. one tt'll last forever and ever more. ok i noe it's a stoopid idea. hias. i just hope b4 i meet the right one for me i'll not meet another one cos i really dun want to go thru wat im going thru now again. no not ever again. it's so not easy to hide my feelings. tt day i was taking a bus to school i actually cried luckily i tink nobody saw. then when ppl ask me how's me n him i've to say the dreaded words tt i dun wanna say [refer to prev entry]. @ home i can't show a single trace of unhappiness at all i dun want my parents to worry about me. n worse is in front of him i can't do anything. i tried so hard to appear to be happy to act as if nth happened before. it's really very difficult how i dunno i tink im going to explode soon. ARHS! pls lord pls dun let me meet another one who's not going to the right one for me. next time just let me meet the one who loves me and who's willing to accept me for who i am. just let me meet the one. i really dun want to get hurt again. i really dun want. [0010hrs]
[feeling: consoled] haha. i dunno whether tt's considered a feeling. i dunno how to describe my feeling now. hehs. a bit better larhs. so many ppl do cares. hehs. thanks so much. a very big thank you to teo. huey. cher. peiling. bert. :) hehs. n of cos to him oso. to teo who have accompany for half a day today n prevented me from like anyhow tinking n dreaming. n thanks so much oso for alwiz helping me analyse situations cos im seriously helpless. im too slow n stoopid in tt. hehs. thanks so much! :) thanks huey for chatting with me just now online to cheer me up. hehs. :) wat u say make sense of cos. haha. the right one is just down the road waiting for us. haha. :) dun worry i'll move on. maybe not now not yet but one day i'll learn to let go. cos wat cher say is correct. thanks cher! hehs. i noe wat's mine is mine. wat's not mine is not mine. just like wat teo say in her blog. if one clutch a butterfly too tightly it'll crush. hold too loosely it'll fly away. hehs. so i wun do either larhs :) haha. it's not i can't tok to u all larhs haha i can't wait to tok to u all actually. just tt haha i dun wanna like say the words "i broke with him" cos dunno leh. it hurts. yep. hehs. looking forward to the next time i see u all again. haha. haha thanks peiling for alwiz reading my blog. hehs. i din noe leh haha. feel quite guilty cos i dun read ur blog often. actually i dun read anybody's blog often cos haha i seldom come online. hehs. :) thanks anyway. haha. yep i noe wat u mean. some things will alwiz be in our heart. all the memories we share and everything. :) yep. thanks so much arhs for organising the rubbish outing tml oso. hehs. i do miss u all a lot leh. :) hehs. thanks bert for toking online to me just now haha tho very short only but thanks u r real sweet. haha. :) n of cos thanks to him cos hehs. dunno leh. really glad tt he nv like avoid me or wat. haha. actually im happy we can still be frens larhs hehs cos ppl say it's heard to remain as frens after a couple break. hehs. :) hope it's not gonna be true for us. hehs. but sad to say sometimes when i tink of the things we used to do together hias then i'll start to miss all the times we shared. eh. hias. just walking by a place we've been to together will hias.. make me pretty sad. i really wonder how long my wounds will take to heal. hias. i dunno leh. seems like it's gonna be a long time before i can learn to move on. hias. i tot of turning to liking idols to try n forget him haha. ok larhs not forget him. forget my unhappiness. is it a bad idea? dunno leh. cos im watching red bean now. eh. ok larhs the show is not call red bean. but it's tt channel u sat 11pm show. haha. damn nice. then both the male leads oso very shuai! :) haha. i wanna buy the soundtrack n the vcd! hehs. eh. i've rubbished a lot liaos. hehs. shall go off now. getting too naggy nowadays. haha. [2126hrs]
[feeling: confused] hias. dunno leh. hias. sians. i dunno wat to tink dunno wat to do. hias. i dun have the mood to do anything. tho there's so many things for me to do. how i dunno how to continue with my life. i really can't. im really very reluctant to just let go like this. i mean. hias. i just wonder why can't he just tell me str8 in the face wat's wrong. hias. im very slow sometimes wat. hias. i dunno larhs. i can't stand it. arhs. help. help help help help. how. wat shld i do. wat can i do. hias. i dunno how long i can fake tt im happy i can't everytime i tink of something we shared/did b4 i can't help but cry. oh no. how? how.. hias. sians. arhs. [2037hrs]
[feeling: damn confused] well. we haven really been communicating these few weeks. it started ard eh during my promos i tink ard tt period of time. well he's unhappy with me. eh. hias. dunno larhs. i dun really wanna elaborate a lot on it. hias. i dunno how to. it hurts too much. there's just so many misunderstandings. newae so yesterday i sent him an email and he replied this morning. well. i tink it's quite clear already larhs. i chatted with him for a while just now. as u all noe im quite stoopid so i need clarification. n yep. it's over. eh. no need to elaborate too much larhs i tink u all shld understand. hias. teo huey cher jia n to those who cares dun worry i'll be ok. i've cried just now n im feeling better already. i tink. cos i've been crying over it so much for the past mth i tink i'll be able to get better soon. if i tell u all im totally ok of cos im bluffing. hias. actually i hope we can still continue but i sensed it coming actually i just din want to admit dun wanna face it. hias. deep down in my heart i still wanna find ways to continue.. hias. cos i seriously tink we can get thru this together one. it's only a misunderstanding. i dunno leh. tt's wat i tink. but i dun dare to tell him. i dun want him to dotz me again. i dun want to see his duno again. after he leaves nj i wonder whether i'll really still be able to keep in contact with him. hias. i really have to treasure these last few weeks. i really have to. oh my.. why do the ppl i care for so much alwiz have to leave me. it happened with jy n it happened with him. n both oso due to misunderstandings. damn it damn it damn it. i tink im really too insensitive sometimes. hias. sians arhs when will i learn my lessons. i've already fallen twice i really dun wanna fall again. shit. later i'll have to fake nth happened again. i've to fake im happy n carefree i dun want my parents to worry they din even noe i was in a relationship. hias. i've been locking myself in my room for the whole day liaos. since i came back from GM [hse reps general meeting]. hias. cher jia huey sorry it's not i dun wanna tell u all i just hope u all will come my blog n read cos i dunno how to say it out. no need to call me pls i feel like being alone i feel like tinking thru i feel like. hias. dunno larhs. i just feel like crying. tink i'll be able to feel better later. :) dun worry k. im not tt weak. i promise i wun hurt myself. i promise. hias. sians. how i wish i can turn back time.. is this really the end? hias. i hope we can at least still be frens i really dun wanna lose contact with u. hias. hope we can like keep in contact thru our blogs. u got anything wrong u go n blog then i'll noe wat's happening in ur life. ok? :) just do one last thing for me pls just stay in my life dun ever leave. u'll alwiz be in my heart - i mean it [1835hrs]
[feeling: damn confused] just entered some entries i meant to enter a long long time ago. i typed it n saved it in my comp i was just too lazy to upload it. haha. it seem a bit too late doesn't it. many things have happened.. eh. i'll just put them in chronological order larhs hor. my PW OP was over on the 13th. i got michael tay n mr lim [chem tcha i tink he's called mr lim] quite ok larhs the qn i kenna was sth i discussed with jiayan before already. yep. for my other grp members i wun say it's very terrific oso larhs haha. jiayan n eunice actually pressed the wrong button [jiayan pressed the end botton n eunice pressed the home button] yep so they kinda screwed up the presentation. then michael tay shot a damn hard qn at eunice during q & a. eunice totally stunned n her ans wasn't really very good. eh. quite worried for her but then nvm larhs. just hope everything will turn out well in the end. eh. wat else. i found out tt my og got siqi n chia hong. well well wat can i say. hmm. when teo told me who's siqi i kena shocked. well. nvm. i'll just try to live with it. eh. luckily still got chia hong. yep. hope i'll survive orientation. hehs. i oso discovered tt actually me n teo r not alone in hse! haha. i shall not really elaborate larhs in case got some spies. hehs. but me just very happy to noe we have frens. oh yarhs n my oac camp was last sat to yesterday. haha. seriously it was very fun but me not really in the mood to blog abt it now. eh. well. just really glad i had terrific grp members. for the very first time none was slackers n everyone was willing to put in effort into making the camp better. n for once i was not the one cheering everyone on during orienteering. haha. cos i was too busy trying to balance on the bike. haha. later i'll have to make thank you cards for them all. :) if i have the mood tt is. n for the most impt thing.. i shall start another entry. [1828hrs]
PW in the morning and afternoon went out with s/m after tt. we went orchard. haha so many ppl lorhs. altogether [haha including late comers and super-late comers] got 11 ppl. haha :) me buddie serene seeman joanna yuanie jasmine yuwen pingyu gloria shuying haha. realise i do miss them so much so much. hias. it's been so long since the last time i went out with them. eh. really wish tt this year there'll be squad chalet. hehs. cos i've a bad feeling if this yr we dun have one then we wld not be able to have one in the years to come. dunno leh. newae. hias. my hols is gonna be damn busy. a lot of oac stuff n hse stuff n then still got attachement n class chalet. hehs. well the only thing im really looking forward to is after kiwi's 'A' then we can go out together! :) hehs. eh. then the next thing is of cos my sqd chalet [if there's one] n my class chalet! haha. :) can't wait for them to come. but on top of tt. i must make sure i have sometime to study oso. hias. im not a chao mugger. compared to those real chao mugger. hias. im far from being one. im just hias. tOo disappointed in my results. tOo! :l hias. must really really work harder liaos. haha everybody have a happy hols k? kiwi faster work hard! [-]
results given back to. d - chem [the only thing i can be proud of which is nth much to be proud off in the first place :l] put my own results aside. hias. eunice confirm retain n wenzhu confirm expelled. both of them r damn sad lorhs. hias. i dunno much about wenzhu larhs. cos dun really see him ard. but at those very rare ocassions when he's around. can sense that he's damn sad lorhs. tink he's attending almost all the lessons cos it's his last time .. :l eunice. hias. can see how sad she is lorhs. she's trying her best to appeal. eh. i really hope she can make it. but. hias. the chance is like so slim. hias. it do hurts when she cries. :l hias. once again. why do i treasure the ppl ard me only when im losing them. hias. i noe we can still meet n everything but everything will be so different already. it's like my clique will have one less person. it's so funny lorhs. hias. next year my class will be so quiet. without wenzhu's rattling rubbish at the back of the class. n withou eunice chit chatting away during lessons. oh my. :`( god pls bless them. no matter where they go in the future. no matter wat they chose to do. pls bless them so that they will be able to perform well in watever they do. pls bless them with health and happiness. thank you. [-]
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people who i treasure so things tt i cherish things tt i am wishing for |
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things in the past chpt 01 & 02 are gone chpt 03: i+find+bliss+in+ignorance chpt 04: .::numb r my feelings::. chpt 05: it'sNotEasyToBeMe chpt 06: p|@cE.4.miE.heAd chpt 07: uPs]dE_d0Wn_wOR|d chpt 08: ho|d 0n to mY h@nDs chpt 09: why did you let go |
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getting out of here squadmates 4wisdomianz 2gracians just frens 03s23 "maldivians" hse reps |
| chapter09 why did you let go ©shiyun |
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You can't ask for it to stay. You can only embrace it when it comes and be glad that for a moment in your life, it was yours. |