today got spiltting headache. reach home feel much better. hees. today tennis learnt how to serve. qt farn larhs. just tt serve until hand gonna break. [crack]

u all noe wat. today i checked the np board. hias. finally. im promoted. [bong.the sound of the 100 tons rock in my heart hitting the grd] :)sho glad. but. still. im the last batch. tt's sad.:(

newae. wif only 1 more week to passing out.. carn stand it! it's like sho sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. miserably. sad. [sorry. limited vocab.] today mdm kor gave us the entry proof.timetable. for 'o'. arh. sho scary. staring at it. makes me shiver. 4 more mths only. only 4. it'll pass very fast rite.

just like all the mths tt have past.

january.
february.
march.
april.
may.
june.

how..

[yesterday]

was our area 3 campfire. damn farn. damn nice. tho' it was a l'il 'cold' at some point of the campfire. tho' b4 the campfire we had to tie the pit. the gateway. n our hands r hurting like shit now. tho' we didn't really get to eat a proper lunch/dinner. tho' we are all sunburnt tt our skin is super sensitive now [n regina looks like the hei1 ren2 ya2 gao1 tt hei1 ren2]. but i guess it was still farn. :) i guess it'll be my last campfire in SNNP.

sad.

[today]

went to eat buffet with s/ms.
[joanna
buddie
jingyi
yuwen
weiting]
at suntec. hees. it was sho farn. we tok n eat n tok n eat. am still very full now. :) i luv my s/ms. sho sad POP is 2 weeks away. time.pass.sho.fast. y.

4 years. i haven even enjoy enuff. n it's over already. maybe.

i'll nv enjoy enuff.

or maybe.

there were many occasions when i could have enjoy with them. but i didn't.

didn't treasure them.

sad.

hehs. no more test for this week. feeling very relaxed n happy now. i noe i shldn't be Sho relaxed larhs. cos prelims like only a fEw week away?!

but. who cares?

i dun really.

went home wif huey. cher. n chris today. were having a laughing hysteria. esp cher. luff until she cry?! yes! aiyo. abt wat cute chicken/golden rooster. watever.

ive nth much to say fer today larhs. well. i guess it's so-so nowadays. no extreme feelings of sadness or watever. but.

last nite i was watching liu xing. the last part larhs. u noe sometimes they'll show some words on the left hand side of the screen. i was reading the words.

then i was hu2 si1 luan4 xiang3-ing again. abt wat? hias. nth larhs. i dunno larhs. altho' it seems like im really ok nowadays. not moody or wat. but.

there's a lingering feeling in my heart. somewhere. i dunno where it comes from larhs. i tink it comes from me not being able to master enuff courage to initiate a tok wif her.

hias. dunno larhs. just hope we'll be good frens again in no time. really hope. but. i've no idea wat she tinks abt tis. whether she really doesn't mind nemore. there's this barrier in between us. a barrier tt's preventing us from communicating.

how i wish i can break it.

can someone teach me how?

nowadays. everything seems to be ok with serene. i guess she's recovering. Lord. pls continue to bless her. let her recover b4 o levels. Lord. pls also bless those who have to handle a heavier burden now. pls bless them with perservance to endure all the way. in a few weeks time we're gonna pass out. Lord. pls be with us in this difficult time. Thank You.

toking abt passing out. i really carn bear the tot of leaving s/ms. i noe it's not really leaving larhs. i noe we'll still be seeing each other. sure hope our bond will still be as strong.

c: i've faith in s/ms.

yes. i do.

hee. today's a hol. :) but me not lazing at home. got studee a bit. a bit larhs.

saturday was promenade. wanted to come online after i reached home. to complain in my blog how lousy a duty it was. but im just too drained. i ran from ave 2 to street 13 dunno how many ka-zillions times. ran until my legs hurt. ran until my head ache. then we still haf to patrol. aRH.

finally it's near dismissal time. and Mrs Tan was nowhere in sight. haf to go round the skool looking for her. just to dismiss my juniors. aiyo. this is the First time im IC-ing for carpark & crowd control. & the last time.

thank God.

hmm. sat was first class drills test oso. quite sure i'll fail my practical. arh. EveLYN sOo. why din she go for activity. then i had to be timer. really couldn't concentrate. :( die. die. die. but of cos i carn blame her larhs. most probably it's becos im just too too too too nervous. yarhs.

sat was a new hope. can i say tt? cos i approached her. hias. tt was after much you2 yu4 bu4 jue2. i hope this time we can really put everything behind us. n be real good frens again. of cos i noe it's not possible to like put everything behind us in such a short time.

but i'll try. to win her trust. n confidence again. i'll try my best.

n Lord. pls. continue to bless all my s/ms. Thank You.

nth much to write about. days go on like normal. listening to the IJ cd now. i luv the song Caritas, Share the Love. damn nice song leh. :)

Caritas, share the love
That they are missing inside
Caritas, take the step
To reach out to the other side
There's so much we can give if we dare
To the lost and forgotten out there
Caritas, share the love, share the love

there's still sth seriously wrong wif her. oh no. y must it be her. out of millions of pple in the world. y must god choose her?

i wish. i really hope that this will pass soon. hias. now. she's no longer the only one breaking down. all who cares abt her are too. esp. those who really cares. it pains my heart sho to see tt.

Lord. pls. pls bless her. she's alwis been a pure and innocent girl. she has alwiz been such a good girl. pls. Lord pls. bless her now. she needs ur bleesing sho. pls bless her sho tt she will recover soon. and things will be like it has alwiz been. in the past.

Lord. pls oso bless those ard her. pls bless tt they would be strong enough to pull thru this. pls bless tt they they themselves dun break down. pls bless tt we'll all be able to pull thru this. not as an individual.

nor as a clique.

but as a squad.

thank you Lord. thank you for alwiz being there for us. pls. Lord. this time. be with us too. all the way thru. blessing every single one of us.

thank you Lord. thank you.

today. the first of July. tension is building up. we've no idea how to proceed on to help her. except for seeking professional help.

im sho scared. sho scared for her. oh no. y must this kind of thing be happening? y carn everything just go on peacefullly?

lostatoothie. u alwis makes sho much sense. sometimes. i just dunno wat to think of ur words. cos i really do wanna take them. listen to them. and jus go on living my life happily.

but i carn. i just keep dwelling in the same spot. dwelling in my own pain. dwelling. dwelling. dwelling.

i tink hor. i like to torture myself a lot. torture myself with my own thinking. my own wishful thinking. then i'll start to get sad. get hurt. n i'll continue torturing myself.

yarhs. maybe im crazy.

i tink i really am.