why did you let go

.:301203.tue:.

[feeling: devastated]

stoopid idiot skool. they r taking mr lim away from terra.

it's gonna take effect from 2 jan onwards. man. damn the skool. damn tt fucking bitch.i hate her so much she can just go n die.

isn't it so obvious she's trying to crush hse once n for all. mr lim is the only tcha who's ever gonna stand on OUr side n figHT for us. she just haVE to take him away from us.

oh i really really wish she'll just DIE.

damn u.

[2307hrs]

.:xmas eve 03.wed:.

[feeling: excited]

haha. waiting for his call. then i'll go out liaos. haha. (: yeah! later can watch lotr. haha. can see my oh so cute legolas! haha. dun worry larhs jia surely can watch one. haha. n even if u aren't able to catch it hehs i'll definitely buy the vcd one. haha. then i can lend it to u. (: hehs.

haha. very excited now leh. hehs. haha. yesterday i bought a present for him. haha. it's a happy house pig mouse pad. haha. very girly right. haha. just buy for fun one larhs. haha. if he rejects then too bad lorhs. haha. then i'll use it. haha (: dun care. haha.

sorry im a bit hysterical now. haha. shall go change liaos i tink. haha.

merry xmas my frens!

[1113hrs]

.:201203.sat:.

[feeling: so-so]

hehs. he replied my sms just now actually. haha. well his blood type is AB+. haha. nvm. at least it's not A right. haha. (:

newae. hehs. just to inform u all my SAT score is eh 1310. haha. 730 for math n 580 [only] for verbal. not very good i noe but at least it's above 1300. haha. damn happy not planning to retake. i guess no need larhs. haha. wonder how my frens did. surely better than me i bet. haha.

[0929hrs]

.:201203.sat:.

[feeling: nervous.happy]

from opane.com

Gemini n B-type

Personality:Your street smartness is an asset that you should carry with you at all times. This is especially true for the many ventures you take on due to your curious nature. People are attracted to your carefree attitude, although this might be the reason why some people think you are egocentric. You might even shock people at times but that is why you are successful as a trendsetter and possess a star-like quality.

Love Tendency: Gemini in general are constantly involved in "plutonic" relationships and even out of them you will have the most love interests. You don't just wait for the man to approach you but you tend to make the first move if you are interested in somebody. Men are intrigued by your mysterious charm and that technique gets better as you get older. You enjoy sporadic flings here and there. Be careful about them if you don't want to hear nasty rumors about you.

Life: Make sure you decide what your goals in life will be at an early stage. This way you will be able to take a few steps at a time. You will experience difficulties in the monetary division, so use money sparingly. Marriage is also a matter you would like to put off with. Problems in your marriage might arise due to your precarious nature in the past. However, it is up to you how you handle the situation.

Match

Good Match: B-type and O-type of Aries, Leos, Libras, and Aquarius are suitable for you. O-type of Sagittarius and Cancers also match well with you. Both of you respect each other's opinions and that is why you will happily share life's joy together. The O-type cancers are just the most compatible partners you can ever encounter. If you do meet that cancer, sparks and flames will never extinguish between you two.

Bad Match: A-type of Pisces and Cancer are partners that will restrain from what you have to do. You will feel trapped by them because their way of quality time is to be together in solitude day in and day out. A-type of Scorpios and Taurus are also people you should avoid as partners because their lifestyles are too boring and slow for you.

i just smsed him for his eh blood type. hehs. haha. it slipped my mind.. i really really hope it's O.. (: he's a cancerian. hehs.

pls dun let it be A.

newae. i just came back from my chalet eh. yesterday. haha. well. it was at sentosa. i warn u. nv get a chalet at sentosa. it's damn boring. nth to do. haha. my class played bridge almost the whole day. the funnest was just playing in the sea for a little while. n haha building a fortress near the sea. haha. to see whether it can withstand the tide. but sad to say we got tired of waiting for the tide [opps cos we built it a little too high] so we went to have lunch. haha. we believed in the end it was destroyed by humans. cos when we returned the hole was bigger n it seemed like someone was buried in it before. haha.

the bbq was fun too larhs. haha. but then the food was too little liaos. diaos. haha. not full at all. hehs. well. tho we had nth much to do but it was really very fun just hanging out with my class. haha. (: but sad to say on the second day most went home only left me eunice zhuren jiayan shaopin n haha weiming [yr 2. shaopin's bf.]. haha. n i was feeling quite sick. got sore throat n fever. everyone was like playing cards then i just went to sleep. haha. but nvm larhs. hehs. (: still had lotsa fun.

u noe wat's the best part of the chalet? it was waiting for his call every night. haha. sad to say cos starhub is really damn lousy. in the room my phone din have reception at all. hias. at least m1 n singtel had at least 1 bar most of the time. sians diaos lorhs. haha. so i had to leave my phone at the tv stand which is near the window upside down so as to at least have 1 bar of reception. haha. damn pathetic isn't it. haha.

newae. so everytime he calls i've to jump up from wherever im n bring the fone outside to the porch to listen. haha. well. outside the room it's ok larhs. there's some reception at least. hehs. (: really very happy to receive his call lorhs. hehs. newae. i met his sis on fri morning to collect things for him. eh. the invitation letter tt i need to enter tekong with [oh. im visitng him this sunday at tekong if u r wondering why on earth im going there. haha.] n oso his new sim card. haha. she looks very cute n friendly! haha. my frens say she looked like kiwi. but i dun tink so leh. haha.

newae. i finally found someone to go tekong with me! haha. thanks a lot huey! (: hehs. really u r a life-saver. else i'll have to take the ferry over there alone n back somemore. hehs. really glad tt u agreed to it. eh. i noe u may tink tt it'll be like very boring for u. cos eh. u might tink u'll have nth much to tok to him abt. haha. but then dun worry larhs. hehs. both of u r so rubbishy haha. surely have lots to crap abt one! (: hehs. n then my fren say we can tour ard the place. hehs. not bad larhs hor. i mean once in a life time experience isn't it? haha. (:

newae. thanks so much!

well. just now i was watching lotr1. haha. im starting to watch now cos haha i wanna catch lotr3 with him on xmas! hehs. (: well. not bad larhs the show is very nice! the graphics n everything. but then sad to say my vcd has no chi subtitle leh. sian diaos. haha. so most of the time i dunno wat the ppl r toking abt. haha. i can't catch it. haha. but i still noe wat's the story's abt larhs at least. hehs. (: well. tml im gonna but lotr2. hehs. damn nice. can't wait for the story to continue. n hor. legolas is so damn shuai! haha. (: love him to bits. hehs.

well. i've blogged so much for one entry! haha. these r all the exciting things tt have happened to me for these few days. haha. well well. me looking forward to sunday now. hehs. can't wait to see him. n his cute hairstyle! haha.

newae huey. i wanna tell u. dun be like so upset over tt idiot k. hehs. i noe i sms u just now liaos. but i just wanna be naggy. it's really not worth it larhs. haha. (: eh. for all u noe right. haha. he might just be jealous of doron. haha. cos u like doron more than u like him? or sth like tt maybe. haha. (: make sure he apologies to u b4 u start toking to him nicely again k? haha.

yep. take care k? hope to see a cheer-ier u on sunday! thanks again!

[0142hrs]

.:161203.tue:.

[feeling: lazy]

took this test at http://www.naucon.net/misc/tests/love_test01.htm

results:

1. You are attracted to those who are warm and obedience.

2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you feel irresistable is creative, never let you feel bored.

3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is loyal, faithful, never change.

4. You don't like it when your partner is insecure.

5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner is one that you care not only about the present but also the future with your partner, a long-lasting relationship that you can grow with.

6. You can't resist desire and lust; most probably you'll commit adultery.

7. You are afraid of marriage, you think it would take away your freedom.

8. At this moment, you think of love as a committment for both parties.

haha. i do hope i wun commit adultery. actually i really tink i wun larhs. (: eh. i dun tink im tt kind of unfaithful lover marhs. haha. (:

[1128hrs]

.:161203.tue:.

[feeling: touched]

newae i just read huey's blog. hehs. her entry abt yesterday's outing is so much more better than mine! haha (: well well. i tink i've the same feeling as u leh huey. i love the time i spend with sn ppl [esp u all] than with nj ppl [other than him hmm. yarhs. haha]. opps. haha. if got nj ppl reading this dun be offended. well.

cos i really tink wat huey say is true. we've been thru so many things together lorhs. i mean 2 years in the same class. in the same clique since i forgot when larhs. haha. (: all my troubles i'll share with u all since then. n u all r the one who have grown up with me all these years. frequent my blog n i bet read almost every single entry before. haha. so u all understand me the best i tink.

haha. (: if i got troubles n problems the very first i'll tink of telling is really u all leh. (: hehs. tt day i just read an email abt girlfrens i tink it's like so damn true! hehs. i'll paste it here k.

- Girlfriends bring you chicken curry and scrub your bathroom when you need help.
- Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.
- Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.
- Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, but they're usually honest.
- Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.
- Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.
- Girlfriends pull you out of jams.
- Girlfriends help you get out of bad relationships.
- Girlfriends help you look for a new apartment, help you pack, and help you move.
- Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes!
- Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.
- Girlfriends will drive through blizzards, rainstorms, hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.
- Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.
- Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.
- Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.
- Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies.
- Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.
- Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.
- Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.

Times passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Jobs come and go.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favours.
Men don't call when they say they will.

BUT girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.

haha. yep. so thank you all my girlfrens! (:

well i tink eSpcially� namely jia huey cher teo.

u all r the greatest frens anyone can ever ever get! (: i dedicate you are not alone by micheal jackson [haha only the chorus part larhs the rest a bit irrelevant haha] to you all! (:

[0009hrs]

.:151203.mon:.

[feeling: neutral]

haha. im suppose to expoSe huey's true colors. haha. she was the big bad wolf who psycho cher to psycho us to wear skirt yesterday. haha. she's the mAsteRmind after all. haha.

one thing good is tt at least she admit she's the one. haha. good girl. huai2 tou2 shi1 an4 (:

[2351hrs]

.:151203.mon:.

[feeling: not unhappy]

haha(: he called me just now. missed him for the whole day leh. haha. so very happy tt he called. eh. tt stoopid idiot. hmmph! he said im his best fren one.. i tink supposedly larhs. haha. but then hias he has like so many other best frens. n pls note they r actually girls ok?! hias. stoopid idiot so playboyish can't stand him. im gonna kill him the next time i see him i dun care!

haha. newae. next sun is parent visit day. haha. (: eh. he asked me whether i wanna go. of cos i want larhs haha. but then dunno leh. he said his other best fren oso going.. then i tink he actually expect me to go with her. hias. sians firstly wat rubbish he gets to enjoy the best of 2 worlds. idiot. secondly i dun even noe her how to go with her it'll be so awkward on the way there. haha. see how first larhs. (: he'll confirm again he said.

newae haha TEO he's in pulau tekong [however u spell it] u idiot how come u say tt tekong is some rubbish burning place?! haha. maybe one part is larhs i dunno but then haha i alwiz tot tt it's for military training one? haha. thanks arhs.

newae. haha. xmas is nearing. do hope we r meeting. he'll confirm with me again. eh. but on tt day got oac party leh. haha. i really wanna go one leh. haha. but then dunno larhs. hehs. see how first lorhs. (: i really hope can see him tho! haha. (:

i tink he'll look very cute in tt kind of hairstyle leh. haha. i tink he'll look like a big fat kiwi! haha. (:

isn't tt cute?

[2340hrs]

.:141203.sun:.

[feeling: fine]

well. today went out with chris. cher. huey. jia. eve. haha. damn fun. (: hehs. all of us wearing skirt except for chris. haha. all thanks to cher larhs. kept psychoing us to wear skirt. hehs. actually i tink i really prefer jeans more. haha. more comfy. (:

first we went hereen to walk ard. haha. then we went topshop to look at clothes. hehs. the clothes there i tink all quite funny one leh. not really very nice. we also went mango. haha. got big discount now the place is totally in a mess. i saw a black velvet skirt i love so much! haha. wanna go back n buy it! (:

then we went shopping haha i shld say window shopping in far east oso cos we wanna eat dinner there marhs. haha. a pity chris went off early. eh. the clothes there really not bad leh. haha. i wanna go back there n buy more skirts n shirts oso! haha (:

dinner we ate at this place on the top floor. haha. the food there ok larhs can pass larhs i love the laksa haha (: but then i ate sth else which is hmm. haha. ok larhs. not very nice tho. newae. hehs. sad to say wei is suppose to meet us oso but she din come larhs haha. must be too bz with bf larhs haha.

newae damn funny we tok to her using jia's 6100 then haha we used the loudspeaker marhs. haha. then wei tried frantically to scream at us but we can't really hear wat she saying. haha (:

after dinner we went walking ard a bit then haha. i saw a shirt i really liked a lot then i went to try it out. hehs. huey says it looks funny on me. but then opps haha. i still bought it. as in jia pay for me first larhs haha cos im like totally broke liaos. haha (: must remember to return her money. but dun return i tink oso nvm one larhs. haha.

after tt we went to take neoprint. haha sad to say we got cheated of one dollar. *sobs* but nvm haha. the neoprint turned out not bad. but thanks to eve one of the neoprint looks damn gao xiao. haha. (: we decided to all use the same pic on our friendster! haha. tt'll be damn cool! haha (:

after tt cos jia have to go see doctor so we all went home together. (: hehs. really enjoyed today with them lorhs. haha. trememdously fun. hehs. my vocab limited larhs so can't describe much but really very happy today! (:

newae. hehs. today is his 3rd day in ns. eh. managed to tok to him a bit thru sms. (: hehs. very happy liaos haha. tho he nv call/sms me b4 he sleeps. hehs. but i guess it's really ok. maybe he's too tired or wat. haha. just now he went swimming. n he said he has lotsa things to pack for tml.

he says tml he's real training will start liaos. eh. really hope everything will turn out fine for him. wonder whether his cough is getting better liaos. din have chance to ask him. hmm. (:

can't wait for him to contact me again.

[2342hrs]

.:141203.sun:.

[feeling: confused]

eh. dunno leh. just read my gbk larhs. then got comments from yuwen n jia.

eh. jia arhs. i dunno leh. maybe im just blinded by love. i dunno. hias. to me right. he's really very nice. actually i dunno leh. i dun blame the failure of our relationship on him at all leh. instead i blame myself.

dunno leh. cos sometimes i feel tt i let him down. as in like. hias. dunno larhs. i noe cos i experienced it myself there're times when he's really very nice to me u noe. it's just tt i nv treasure those times n now it's a bit too late.

hias i dunno larhs. yuwen. it's really not easy to move on. hias. nvm larhs. i'll just like let nature take its course lorhs. i mean. i guess there's really nth much i can do now i tink. yarhs.

thanks a lot for ur concern dears. (: dun worry k i'll take care of myself. n i've faith in him larhs. really.

he's not a bad guy.

[0110hrs]

.:131203.sat:.

[feeling: happy]

hehs. (: today is his 2nd day in ns. hehs. we kept in contact thru sms. hehs. for almost the whole day. haha. i mean of cos not every minute every second larhs. haha. but im glad tt when he's bored n has nth to do he'll tink of smsing me! (:

eh. then today he have to fill in this funny form. haha. the funny form ask him for his best fren details. then he smsed me for my details! hehs. haha. im very happy leh. (: hehs. but then he said he disown his original best fren liaos. eh. wonder wat happened. hope everything's fine. haha. anyway i really dun believe he'll bear to disown her larhs. haha.

newae. hehs. can i be selfish n say sth. eh. i dun really wanna be only his best fren leh. eh. very bad is it? hias. dunno larhs. but im really really very happy tt even tho we may not be together anymore but we r still so close! (:

newae. before he slept just now he called me just to inform me he's sleeping liaos leh! (: hehs. i was so happy! hehs.

i tink im a lucky little girl now. (:

[-]

.:121203.fri:.

[feeling: qt happy]

eh. today is his enlistment day. hmm. he's in camp now. wonder wat's he's doing. wonder whether he's ok or not. hmm. he's sick leh. hope he'll get better soon. hmm. very happy leh. just now he got called me. (:

hehs. at first tot he angry with me cos i've actually nth much to tok to him abt. then he hung up the phone without saying bye. so i sms him to apologise. then he took very long to reply me. hehs. was so scared lorhs. tot he angry with me. hehs. (:

newae. he told me lights out at 1030. then he'll try to call me one more time b4 tt if can. hehs. (: im really very happy leh. cos right. hehs. now everyday i got sth to look forward to. just a call or a sms from him. hehs. (: so happy.

eh. we agreed to meet on xmas liaos. no matter wat plans i've or wat plans he might have. hehs. he say he'll definitely squeeze time out to see me! even for a short while. hehs. (: im really very happy lorhs.

hehs. can't wait to see him again.

[2014hrs]

.:111203.fri:.

[feeling: damn lost]

went out with him again today. hehs. last minute shopping for things he need for ns larhs. haha. from bras basah to city link to army market to jurong east. haha. my leg damn painful from walking.

but i truly enjoyed myself with him today. (: hehs. it's really very fun just walking side by side toking crap joking hitting each other tickling each other. (: hehs.

but when it came to the parting. hias. i din dare to turn ard at all. cos i was secretly crying. i oso dunno for wat. whether it's bcos he's going for ns liaos. or bcos of wat he said.

well. he told me. he still do like me but it's best tt we remain frens for now. i noe he's right larhs. it's very nice just being frens. we r still impt to each other. we r still close to each other. but then i dunno leh. kiwi if u ever get to read this. actually i wanted to tell u tt. well. hias. i really dun wanna just be ur fren. hias.

i dunno leh. down the road. if u find urself someone else. i wld not deny tt i'll be damn jealous. n wat im most scared of is tt if tt really happen we wun be able to enjoy this closeness we share anymore. hias. do u noe wat i mean? hmm.

hias. am i being very selfish here? i really dunno leh. but then well. if one day u really find urself someone else who can take good care of u n who oso loves u as much or even more than i do of cos i'll feel very happy for u. really. just tt. well. haha. i'll still feel sad i guess it's quite inevitable.

haha. i tink too much sometimes dun i? well. now. im really very glad to still be ur very good fren. u really must take good care of urself k? hmm. in a few hrs time u'll be in camp already. hias. worse is u r falling sick now. hope u'll be fine. hmm. i'll really miss u a lot. hias. sorry arhs. it's really very hard not to.

*hugs tightly*

[-]

.:101203.wed:.

[feeling: confused but happy. very happy.]

hehs. i went out with him today. i was really very happy tt he said yes to going out with me. (: hehs. we went to watch love actually. hehs. the show is damn nice. haha. then we went shopping for things he's gonna bring to ns.

oh no. he's going in on fri liaos leh. sians. i tink i'll really miss him a lot. i wun be able to call him or wat. hias.

newae. hehs. today was really very fun going out with him. hehs. i oso dunno larhs. it's very confusing. well. i tink he dun want me to wait for him. but then i want to. n i tink i'll wait for him. eh. i really dunno leh. i really can't imagine myself with someone else. haha.

eh. dunno leh. im just very scared tt he might fall for someone else during these 2 & 1/2 years. n then it doesn't mean tt he'll neccessarily continue with me oso wat after his ns. hias. dunno leh. if really tt's the case i'll be very sad leh. :l hias. but dunno leh. i still wanna wait for him. eh.

until tt day when he finds someone else.. i'll continue waiting for him. (:

is it ok?

[-]

.:051203.fri:.

[feeling: dunno]

was studying fairly hard for sat when i had the idea of checking my gbk. haha. for fun. cos it's really very bored to just keep checking up words after words to find out their meaning. and haha i've a feeling if i see the word tml i wun be able to remember wat it actually mean. haha.

newae. well. seejia. i dunno leh. i dunno whether i rather feel emptiness. or go thru wat im feeling now. well. dunno leh. i keep tinking back to the days when i was still in st nix. the highest level human relationship can trouble me about is only about frenship problems. i din exactly love anybody then. n i do wish i can go back to tt time when i dunno wat exactly is love. to the time before i really experienced love for myself. now tt it's taken away from me. i really rather not love anyone.

cos it really hurts so much. when suddenly the mutual feeling of love is so brutally taken away n all tt u r left with is a one-sided relationship [as in frenship] which is so hard to maintain so hard to face so hard to handle. hias.

dunno whether u'll understand wat i mean. haha. my english is so bad. haha. but well just one simple statement.

i really rather not love anyone now.

than love someone whom i noe will not love me back.

[1740hrs]

.:051203.fri:.

[feeling: dunno]

oh. just read seejia's blog. eh. she say she dun love anyone now. haha. how i wish i can be like her. hias. i still do love him. n it really hurts. to noe tt im still so attached to him but then for him. i guess im really not more than just a fren.

hias. nowadays when i tok to him. hias. i alwiz have to be the one to say hello first. n i alwiz have to tink of things to tok about. it's so difficult. dunno leh. im alwiz the one asking him qn then he'll ans me then we'll tok a bit abt the topic. then after the topic's exhausted i've to tink of another thing to tok abt again.

hias. it's so tiring. i really wanna tok to him like in the past again. just keep toking abt rubbish. then if he got problem he'll also tell me. he'll oso take the initiative to tok. to ask me things.

but now there seem to be a barrier. he no longer open up to me. i feel like he treats me somewhat like a stranger. it really hurts u noe. becos we were so close. just a few weeks ago. n suddenly. it just became like this.

can someone teach me.

how do u clap with one hand?

[0026hrs]

.:051203.fri:.

[feeling: dunno]

newae hehs. the stayover at yingyi's hse was really well haha pardon my limited vocab very fun! hehs. well. most imptly i feel tt i get to know some ppl better. like chee min ailin n tt stoopid jackson. (: hehs. tho not much but i oso managed to interact with kah wee. hehs.

newae. the first aid test was rubbish larhs. eh. everyone passed. i mean haha of cos im happy for everyone larhs. but then seriously the test is so slack lorhs. they anyhow pass ppl like tt hias. not saying oac ppl only larhs i tink they pass everyone so easily. then like tt oso counted as certified first aiders? do hope ppl will know tt if they r not good enuff they pls dun go and anyhow save ppl. it might cause a life.

i mean imagine larhs if the person can't do cpr properly then anyhow go n perform. later break the person's ribcage puncture the lungs n the livers how? haha. nvm larhs. just a bit bu shuang cos dunno leh. i tink some ppl really cannot make it one lorhs. the examiner never see then they nv do properly they oso can pass one. eh. actually not really they larhs. just toking about a particular someone. nvm. i can't stand him.

newae. hehs. do hope can spend more time with the oac ppl. hehs. (: then can get to know them better marhs. haha. the guys well. haha. they r actually really not bad one larhs. except for tt liew tian wei i really tink his moutht is not connected to his brain. hehs. n tt stoopid jackson who keep saying tt im not smart enuff to be in nj. haha. watever. the girls haha. well. actually well it's quite obvious we r more clique-y than the guys. dunno larhs. haha. tt's y i tink the guys r easier to get along with? hehs. dunno leh. i mean they just seem like one whole mass. even if they got cliques their cliques is not obvious one tt kind. yep. (:

yep. hehs. i love oac!

[0000hrs]

.:041203.thu:.

[feeling: quite happy]

haha. today got stayover at yingyi's house! hehs. very fun leh :) we just played monopoly n jackson serene n kahwee bankrupt by throwing doubles three times! haha :) quite stoopid. hehs. :)

just now we were playing pool downstairs. haha. i feel that i let weifang n jackson down cos my pool skills really cannot make it lorhs. haha. (: hehs. i must brush up my skills. newae. it's quite good tonight larhs. at least im not stoning at home hu si luan xiang-ing.

well but occasionally i'll still tink of him but then i guess it's better larhs with so many ppl around me. :) hehs. but then well. i still miss him when im not doing anything my mind just whirl to tinking of him.

quite sian. :l hehs. but nvm i should try to enjoy the accompany of this group of crazy ppl. haha. stoopid jackson wanna use the comp so i've to end now.

[0055hrs]

.:031203.wed:.

[feeling: diaos]

aiyo. teo got an email from sharon phua saying tt she is to give up house. oh my. hias. it's actually stoopid royston send one larhs. haha. diaos. really scared me to death lorhs just now.

i told kiwi then haha he quite clever larhs. haha. ok. it's very clever. he could tell tt it's actually a hoax. haha. while me n teo kept panicking n nearly burst into tears. haha. then he actually fake a email to show me how easy it is to fake a moe.edu.sg add. haha.

diaos.

[0136hrs]

.:031203.wed:.

[feeling: so-so]

hias. i've the longing to see him. but then. hias. wonder whether he'll be free or not leh. n then hias. if i really do see him. will it be very weird? actually i really dun care whether will be weird or not. just wanna see him. but then. dun want him to feel embarassed or wat.

eh. i've the longing to call him dear leh. n i wanna hold his hand too. but then hias. i can no longer do these things.

i really hope n wish the day come when i can really just treat him like a fren.

just a fren.

haha. best is close frens larhs of cos. :)

[0029hrs]

.:011203.mon:.

[feeling: mixed]

you noe. it's not tt im not happy for u tt u r happy. i am.

but then in between those happiness i feel for u. i feel other things oso. n sad to say. hias. i really envy u. or maybe it's actually jealousy. tt hias. how come u can be so happy.

but then im here in pain.

[2038hrs]

.:011203.mon:.

[feeling: damn lonely]

i dunno whether u still come here but i wanna tell u:

i feel like locking myself in my room and not go out. but then i can't cos i'll keep hu si luan xiang-ing abt funny stuff. n i've nth to do oso will be very sian.

but then if i go out i can't stand it oso. bcos everytime i pass by a place we've been to together i'll feel nostalgia. n worse is everytime i take the train or bus i'll remember the times we took them together. n the worst is when i see other couples together. oh no.

hias. i really miss u a lot u noe? hias. i may not be more than a fren to u now. but to me u r still so very impt u noe? how ever did u get the idea tt i dun care abt u? hias. :l

i wanna cry now but nth's coming out. i feel so nan shou but i can't tell anybody. i mean. i noe everyone oso wants me to cheer up n stuff. n all the things u all say really make sense. but then it's not tt easy to just say cheer up then cheer up. i dunno larhs.

arhs. i'll give anything pls let me be able to turn back time. hias.

but it's impossible isn't it?

[1742hrs]

.:011203.mon:.

[feeling: better]

eh. i just archieved my page cos haha another mth has passed. it's so fast isn't it? now we r already at the last mth of 2003. hias. another year of my life gone. haha.

newae if u wanna see my nov entries pls look under "things in the past" yep. :)

[0017hrs]