[feeling: tired]

yesterday went airport to send amm off. the airport is really a very beautiful place with the two towers lavishly decorated. but everytime i go there it's cos i've to send somebody off and the feeling is not at all beautiful.

i couldn't stay all the way till the end. wanted to catch the last train but missed it. so had to catch the last 858 which goes past yishun on its way to woodlands interchange (: yep. luckily was able to catch tt and also catch the last bus from yishun interchange to my home (: haha. mommy was waiting for me at the bus stop downstairs! was so shocked to see her. felt so bad so bad to make her wait for me. she must have been worried sick >< sometimes i just wish tt i can be more sensible and sensitive. hias.

newae i really wish ammily all the best over there in beijing. hopefully everything will go well for her leh! haha. hope she'll be able to take good care of herself and keep in touch with us too. (: hehs.

newae just now supposed to have inter-block games [ibg] - hockey. haha but cos of rain then cancelled then after the rain stopped me and geok went jogging! haha so happy so long nv jogged le. (: we ran from our hall to soc and back. yeah! we're gonna run tgt every mon so happy!

sianz. tink of all the readings ive to do i feel like crying haha. ok larhs go do work le! (:

[feeling: satisfied]

haha today supposed to wake up at 7 to meet jie qi to have breakfast tgt but then mer haha in the end both me and regina woke up late. geok hui was also still sleeping when we woke up. i suspect she is still sleeping now as im typing away haha. poor jie qi ): dunno y nowadays i alwiz cannot be awaken by my alarm leh. >< maybe i slept too late yesterday night?

haha yesterday night was the second block supper block c organised but sad to say it's regina's and my first time attending it. (: hehs not bad eh i made a lot of new frens haha so happy! next time walk around will have ppl to say hi to. (: haha newae yesterday the running block head fabian tried to anyhow arrow ppl to become captains for the ibg [inter-block games]. haha he sorta asked me twice. first for touch rugby second time for volleyball. haha sorry im not good in both larhs >< haha. if he had asked me to be captain of handball i wouldn't have mind haha(:

well im planning to take part in handball and maybe road relay lorhs but must see wat road relay events they have first. =P haha.

me all alone in my room now. haha today's friday my free day whee! (: haha. i'll be doing my laundry soon then later will meet regina for lunch~ haha meanwhile im just gonna mug! haha. shall become a zhao mugger and mug my life away. =P haha.

aim for honours! (:

[feeling: terrible]

today's the first time i nv go for guitar lesson. hias feel so damn bad. i mean it's for official reason larhs. at least i tink it's official. went for tamp home sub comm meeting just now. turned out to be just sorta like a dinner haha. well dunno larhs. really feel quite guilty cos nv go nvm larhs. but i nv practise oso lorhs even worse! :l hias.

dunno larhs just feel so damn bad now ><

newae im getting sick oso. throat feels funny. nose very itchy the whole day and it's perpetually blocked. occassionally i'll keep sneezing non-stop mer. haha. really hope i'll get better soon dun wanna fall sick! :l

newae today's dinner with the tamp home ppl was really very fun. haha tho i just got to noe them it's like toking to old frens like tt leh. haha. can mix with them very well haha none of them is evil. (: haha yay so happy to be in csc and be under tamp home. haha.

now all alone in my room. hias haven't bathe yet so late le tot regina will be coming back then we can go bathe tgt. now hias me very scared to go bathe alone leh mer. haha. sianz i'll tink of a way. hopefully soon. haha.

[feeling: quite paranoid]

haha im all alone in my room now. yarhs so late still alone >< haha i got roomie like no roomie like tt le. hmm. regina is in her studio doing her archi stuff. really pity her man. so late le still have to work >< hmm. me feel so slack and lucky compared to her. if it's me i'll fall asleep on my drawing board lorhs. haha.

newae just now went supper with eve and jo. haha so nice to see them again esp jo so long nv see her le. really miss her quite a lot. haha. then last week we had squad outing to amk (: haha went to eat steamboat then saw buddie shuying weiting serene jasmine gloria jingyi (: haha. really happy just to spend time with squadmates haha. heartwarming just to tink how lucky we are still keeping in contact with each other tho it's like so long le (: haha.

newae just now eve accompanied me to bathe haha cos i scared marhs. >< haha then she was playing with my transponder [for those who dunno it's a very cool kind of key to open my hostel room door] and she kinda like spoilt it :l haha then cannot open my door. regina had to come back all the way from her studio just to open the door for me. haha really grateful to her man (: tml have to go to the office to report the key spoilt. hopefully they'll replace it fast man >< else really very mafan mer.

so now im all alone in my room tink i'll do some readings before i sleep haha.

[feeling: mixed]

jia and eesang is in our room now (: haha so funny just now when eesang came in jia and her stared at each other for around 2 seconds before they reacted. (: haha.

it's really nice to come to uni and be able to see all my dear st nix frens again. dunno abt u all but for me i feel im closer to my st nix frens (: haha. my 2g 4w clique and my squadmates (:

haha later meeting squadmates to have dinner yeah! so happy to be able to see them again. so long nv see them le. tho attendance is not vey good. :l haha. ok larhs have to go le.

pls dun try so hard to say goodbye
maroon 5 - she will be loved

[feeling: bored]

alone in my room now early in the morning. regina went to the zoo for her archi stuff. :l me no lecture today really damn slack haha. but i've a lot of readings to do larhs i'll do them just in a while.

tuesday went for arts bash II at club momo! (: haha. we had such a difficult time looking for the club. it's situated in such a terribly ulu place haha. :l but well for a person like me who doesn't like to club i really tink tt it's a very nice place. very good ambience (: haha. well this's my second time clubbing. first time was during arts camp. hmm i really still dun understand how can ppl like clubbing so much >< haha. well i guess i'll nv noe bah. if u ask me i'll rather go pubbing just sit down and tok isn't it better? (: haha. ok larhs to each his own.

nth much exciting this week larhs. went for guitar lessons yesterday. (: haha as usual when i play during lessons im terribly lousy. haha no confident larhs i can play alone in my room but really not in front of so many ppl =P haha. went with ben to look for spec at suntec. haha tok to him quite a lot found out tt he's acutally quite a nice guy. really can't tell before tt. he told me he learnt guitar partly cos he was inspired by the anime beck and mostly cos he wanna be able to play songs for his gf next time. haha damn sweet le. (: newae very sad cos yesterday first of guitar lessons tt jia wun be able to join us. cos of her archi lecture which starts at 7 and ends at 9. :l mer~ she has to change to individual. ><

last night tok to meiyun. she say she most probably wun continue after our current guitar lessons are over. hmm. for me i really wanna continue but of cos i noe wat meiyun says make sense larhs. there might just not be enuf time anymore. tt's really sad. :l last time we said we'll stick tgt thru all the levels. now. i oso dunno whether i can continue or not. sianz. i guess i'll just take things as it comes bah.

oh yarhs the stoopid cors system fuck up yesterday again. pls larhs how can they let the whole school ballot for tutorials at the same time tgt. tt's like close to i dunno a few ten thousands ppl? :l of cos the damn server will crash. pls larhs. i dun take computing i oso noe tt. why can't they use their brains? so at first it was supposed to end like 1700hrs yesterday then now they extended the time until 0900hrs this morning. wat the hell. i only got to ballot for my tutorials at 2200hrs last night lorhs. >< hias watever~ i hope they can just be smarter next time like maybe do it a few fac at a time or sth. at least tt wun screw the whole fucking system up.

ok larhs i'll go do my readings le. (:

[feeling: damn sianz diaoz]

just now went for nus jam and hop 2005. the bands were really good larhs but then it's like they were singing songs tt we dunno and it's really very difficult to connect and get high so it's like damn sianz. :l

i came back to eusoff to watch the last episode of tan pan zhuan jia and guess wat. kay told me i was picked in the lucky draw to win the creative zen micro. pls lorhs talk about lucky :l

actually i tink this year my luck is really damn damn bad lorhs hias dunno wat happened larhs :l sianz. just feel that like got a lot of things going against my way. and things just dun seem to be getting better.

newae went to watch charlie and the chocolate factory today. it's not say very nice eh sad to say. :l towards the end i was like about to fall asleep. the middle is ok lorhs the scenes are very nicely decorated. very grand. but then the ending a bit :l er. haha. dunno larhs. slightly disappointed lorhs. but i've to admit johnny depp is great man! (: haha i love willy wonka willy wonka! he's so cute and everything he says is so sarcastic and funny haha. (:

today i oso played maple story for the first time. for those who dunno it's an online game in which u have a character and u can go ard defeating monsters earning coins and raising level etc. haha (: very fun cos the characters the scenery all very cute and nice. haha. fell in love with it maybe will go and play later yeah! (:

went for community service club [csc] welcome tea today. haha found the ppl there very very nice and friendly. (: under it there's 9 homes where they volunteer regularly. then everyone can choose a home they want to volunteer for. (: haha. me and jia signed up for the tampines home one. dun get misled by the name. tampines home is actually near nus (: haha within 10 mins walk i tink haha. good for me cos i live in hostel marhs. then it's every week 1500hrs-1700hrs yep. sorry ben ben can only spend lesser time with u. but to be realistic i need the points to stay in hostel. on one hand i really do want to volunteer oso larhs! haha but on the other hand have to tink of the stoopid point system oso. :l haha. newae me and jia have decided to run for sub comm! haha. sub comm for tampines home lorhs. haha really hope we'll be able to get it. so cool haha. (:

ok larhs enuf crap le i'll go play mapel story now. haha.(:

[feeling: relaxed]

haha all alone in my room now. yesterday and today very slack (: yesterday only one lect today no lect haha. (: supposed to have genes and society larhs but it doesn't start until 22nd aug haha. =P played badminton with zhaoxiu kay peihong adrian in the morning (: haha after tt went bookshop buy some stuff then i tumbled back to my room le.

hmm. now im tinking of wat cca to join. dunno wat to join leh. tink i'll go for the welcome tea then see how. haha. (: teo just reminded me last night tt to stay in halls need to collect points haha. well i not sure whether definitely staying larhs but just collect points first lorhs (: haha. hopefully can find a cca i enjoy and can earn points oso one =P haha.

[feeling: damn sianz]

stoned at home for the whole day. have been online ever since i woke up. went blog hopping. so damn sianz i've really nth to do. i shld practise my guitar. i'll do tt later. but first i'll get a bath. yep.

btw these are the modules i got for this semester:
pl1101e - introduction to psychology
hy1101e - asia and the modern world [history mod]
sn1101e - south asia: people, culture, development
gek1527 - genes and society
ssa2205 - japan and singapore

at first i wanted to take:
pl1101e - introduction to psychology
sn1101e - south asia: people, culture, development
sw1101e - introduction to social work
ssa2202 - changing landscape
gem2005 - film and history

haha see how diff't? it's all thanks to the stoopid bidding system lorhs. haha if i got wat i originally wanted i'll have frens in all my lectures. now. :l i've to tumble down to sci fac alone every mon and thu. haha isn't tt wonderful? :l

[feeling: lethargic]

today supposed to go watch fireworks with him one but last min cancelled so now just slacking at home quite sianz. haha but it's ok larhs cos i've actually got quite a lot of things to complete. things tt have been left idling around for a very long time. as u noe i love procrastination! haha. (:

newae yesterday i tot supposed to have gene and society lecture. so i squeezed up internal shuttle bus a1 and tumbled all the way to sci fac. all alone >< got off the bus and i've totally no sense of direction at all cos i've nv been to the place. i ran up to the canteen then went to chemistry block before bumping my way into the medicine block. :l finally someone directed me to the biology block which was sad to say oso as confusing. i started out on the first floor went up to the sixth floor then had to go back to the third floor before i finally found the correct block. and ta-da i finally saw lt32. my lecture was supposed to start at 1600hrs. by then it was already 1615hrs so i was so terrified i tot i was damn late and i tot tt when i entered the lt it'll be so embarrasing and everyone will be staring at me.

to my horrors the lt was not even one-fifth filled. :l diaos. i rushed all the way just to find a near empty lt. so i found myself a seat and waited for the lecturer to come. half way through the waiting guess wat? some smart aleck finally told us tt there was no lecture today. pls lorhs. the stoopid person knew it right from the start i tink. dunno y he let everyone [which is not many ppl actually] wait for so long. :l

mer~ for me it's still ok lorhs. i stay in the hostel marhs. but can u imagine those poor ppl who lived so damn far and have to travel all the way to school? hias stoopid lecturer. he nv tell us lorhs. nv put up on the ivle. nv write clearly there tt there's no lecture yest. :l

newae went out with kiwi after that. we went to chinatown to eat dinner. ate at those roadside stalls tt only opens at night (: haha not bad larhs the food but i tink the lau pa sat one nicer! yummy! haha. then after tt we went clarke quay brewerks (: hehs. ben ben ordered the tester kit which consists of 8 diff't kinds of beer in small shotglasses. haha very cute one! but they din taste nice yucks! i hate beer so bitter mer. :l still dun understand why ppl can stand drinking them haha. :P

newae so fast right another year has passed and singapore is one year older le. (: looking back many things has happened. dunno le sometimes i just tink tt it's really amazing how we developed from a fishing village to a prosperous city and hub of asia (: haha. ok larhs enough crap. but im just glad tt im living in singapore. (: it's safe here no natutal disaster or human disaster unlike other countries where they have to beware of earthquakes typhoons floods droughts suicide bombers terrorist attacks etc. *shivers* haha i love singapore!(:

happy birthday singapore! (:

[feeling: aching in the heart]

rag day yest was so fun! tho both eusoff's and art's rag aren't exactly the nicest but well wat's most impt is the experience and the fun we've gotten out of the event(: eusoff got gold award for flag but din manage to like win best float and best presentation etc but still got best overall for both rag and flag. yep. arts club got silver award for flag(: haha not bad yarhs.

newae there's this nagging feeling in my heart. it's a bad feeling. it started small at first. but it's like slowly gwaning away on my heart. and it's growing bigger. making me feel more uneasy. by the day.

promise - simple plan

[feeling: relaxed]

finally arts o week 05 is over. (:

well haha i feel both sad and relieved at the same time larhs. sad cos the end of o week marks the beginning of lessons >< and oso i dunno whether my og will be able to meet up soon. to tell the truth it's really sad but im not very close to the fresh freshies. im closer to the stale freshies leh. haha. (: hopefully we can all still meet up during lectures and tutorials and go for lunch and outings tgt (: yep haha.

im relieved cos i can finally have one day to myself just slack in my hostel room and not worry about having to rush from one place to another (: haha.

well i truly enjoyed myself during o week and i got to know more frens like jingjun and jono. haha i really tink jono is really a very responsible and caring house i/c. i tink he did a damn good job in leading us and pulling up our morale and stuff. (: he's alwiz doing the background job so tho he doesn't alwiz appear in front of the house he actually did a lot for the house! haha. (: jono rox!

for myself im actually supposed to be the aogl. hmm i really tink i could have done a lot more for the og larhs. and be more enthu and screamed more and encouraged the og more and spent more time with them and etc. haha but well it's over le. well next year i'll sign up for councillor again! hopefully i'll do a better job yarhs! (: haha.

well now im trying to bid for gem:gene and society and singapore studies:jap and singapore. until now vacancy is still more than the numbers of bidders. really hope i'll be able to get it. (: cos next mon lectures will start le. if i still dun get it then i'll really be chao sian diaoz.

wish me good luck pls! (:

[feeling: shit larhs]

damn it i din get any of the gem and ss i wanted. hias this is super zhao sianz lorhs. :l dun feel like doing anything now le. just feel like stoning or sleeping so that i wun have to tink of anything. hias.

if only there's someone for me to lean on now. someone to console me. :l sianz.

bloody fucking system.

[feeling: unnerving]

man bidding totally sux.

the stoopid system is like so damn slow esp when it's near the end of open bidding all the way until closed bidding ends. :l round 2a bidding is supposed to end at 1500hrs. luckily they extended it to 1700hrs. finally able to bid for all the modules i want le. i'll be stuck with all those lousy modules that no one want. now at least i've a chance to fight for the modules i want. :l

now i'll just wait for the result. ><

[feeling: tired]

my legs are very suan after one whole day of flagging. (: haha i like doing flag. dunno y oso i tink cos can like do a good deed then as the tin can slowly fills up i'll feel really satisfied. (: haha yep.

satay was allocated the most expensive and ulu mrt line - the nel. >< we sharks fin went to our designated area clarke quay and realised there are damn lots of ppl there (pls note im trying to be sarcastic). therefore we splited into 2 groups. my group consisted of kay peihong jiahui daryl valerie beeleng adeline kitty me. the other group consisted of fang ling shuying kaori li ying kris charlene vivien franchie candice. sorry if i left out anyone cos there's really a lot of ppl. my group travelled to raffles place and the other group to chinatown.

at raffles place we splited further into fresh councillors and fresh freshies. haha. daryl wanted to go visit his mom workplace so we went to tanjong pagar. we went maxwell for lunch and stayed there for a while cos got a lot of ppl during lunch crowd. (: after that we went to kovan cos daryl (again) wanted to visit his church. hougang was our last stop. at hougang we met some kent ridge pple =P they are totally dedicated man. all of them have at least one tin full in their bag by 4 plus. :l mer so scary. regina told me eusoff like din get a lot larhs so i quite worried whether we'll be able to beat all the other halls to get best flag again this year. mer.

we went boon keng to return the tin cans. my tin was the heaviest 1.5+kg but still far from the record of 2.1kg. if we reached 2.1 kg then they'll give us two ribbons. mer too bad larhs hias. went for a while of satay meeting regarding the play on finale night. yep. after that got saada outing (: haha. i said saada cos only got fresh councillors + weiliang + fang ling. haha. went taka foodcourt to buy food to eat then we sit at the fountain at taka square to makan.

after that we went shopping and almost all of us bot something. =P haha i realised i very good at spending money. but i would rather spend it on buying presents for frens then spending it on myself leh i dunno why. =P haha. no larhs not implying anything or wat. just that sometimes it's really very sad cos haha just dun bare to spend the money on myself sometimes. haha.

ok larhs tml have to report at 8 cos me taking over stoopid zhenying as station master for one of the stations of rush hour. stoopid zhenying. nv come for 2 days le she better come tml mer! haha ok larhs i'll end here.

zzz

[feeling: sleepy]

haha staying up late now to check my bidding stuff. cos i got rejected for social work then need to tink of another exposure to take cos like no more space for sw le. :l mer so terribly sad cos the remaining exposures im not really interested in them haha.

newae haha today we went for the freshmen inauguration ceremony. haha it's really quite fun to see all the prof dressing up in the harry potter kinda clothes (: haha well pardon me for my sua ku-ness cos it's not everyday we get to see such things (: haha. then when they introduced arts club president steven we were all screaming like mad. (: i believed we cheered the loudest oh yeah! (: haha. but when they introduced the halls only eusoff like no one cheer leh. :l so sad de. mer.

newae went blooies for house dinner. (: the things there are not bad larhs but the price is slightly too steep. hmm. by this time sharks fin attendance and morale has dropped le. everyone sianz sianz one. the other ogs were still like quite high. then i tried to like ask sharks fin to cheer and play but like they all ignore me! :l so sad. haha hopefully after tonight's rest tml will be a better day! (:

newae i feel quite bad cos not going to help eusoff in the flag =P gonna help arts yeah! haha. dunno larhs me like alwiz pon eusoff stuff one just to go for arts o week. haha but dunno leh feel that im closer to the arts pple lorhs. and i've more fun with them. i mean i've to make one decision de marhs =P so sorry eusoff! haha.

ok larhs hope flag will be a success for both arts and eusoff! (:

chpt 01 & 02 are gone

chpt 03: i+find+bliss+in+ignorance

chpt 04: .::numb r my feelings::.
+March & April 2002
+May 2002

chpt 05: it'sNotEasyToBeMe
+June 2002
+July 2002
+August 2002
+September 2002
+October 2002
+there's no November 2002
+December 2002

chpt 06: p|@cE.4.miE.heAd
+January 2003
+February 2003

chpt 07: uPs]dE_d0Wn_wOR|d
+March 2003
+April 2003
+May 2003
+there's no june 2003

chpt 08: ho|d 0n to mY h@nDs
+July 2003
+August 2003
+September 2003
+October 2003

chpt 09: why did you let go
+November 2003
+December 2003

My 2003

chpt 10: thistimeround[no regrets]
+January 2004
+February 2004
+there's no march 2004
+April 2004
+May 2004
+June 2004

chpt 11: run! run! run!
+July 2004
+August - September 2004
+October - November 2004
+there's no December 2004

chpt 12:anti*cipation
+there's no January 2005
+February 2005 +February 2005 +February 2005