[feeling: a bit of despair]

today teo n me tok. abt hse stuff.

well. she told me wat my captain told her larhs. yarhs. hmm. like wat she dun like abt me. my teh. my act cuteness. my bluntness.

ok. i admit i shouldn't be so blunt sometimes larhs but then 99% of the time im only like playing lorhs. too bad they can't see and well. i admit at times im at wrong larhs. so nvm i'll gladly change this.

but then my teh and my act cuteness. siaoz. firstly. i really Do noT act cute lorhs. it's just me lorhs. n seriously most of the time when i teh i can't tell the difference between that and my normal voice so i tot im just like speaking quite normally. yarhs.

n she oso can't stand me keep saying sorry. sad to say. tt's just me lorhs. hias. actually seriously. i dun tink they dislike all these abt me. i tink they already are prejudiced against me tt kind. hias.

and sad to say i've a very bad feeling it's StiLL due to the yltc incident which was like so damn long time ago and they just dunno how to put things behind them. hias. seriously arhs. if it's those evil pple right.

i really do not care a damn of how they feel lorhs. they can tok back abt me and act hypocritical in front of me i'll not be affected by them.

im only very scared tt those good ppl i like will kena their influence and start tinking tt im the evil one. if tt really happen right. i really will be very sad lorhs. hias. :l sianz arhs. i hate politics. hate hate hate.

back in st nicks life was so peaceful. i realise. hias. i've grown up n i've to face the outside world liaos. no longer in my warm home in st nicks or like in primary school where there's little or practically NO backstabbers who will stab u not once, not twice, but forever. they will forever remember the one thing u did wrong.

n they'll start picking on u. n their whole clique will start doing the same. gossip behind ur back. spread rumours abt u.

hias. n sad to say. im actually quite sad tt my senior oso tot tt im not qualified to be a hse rep cos she tot i did sth to the results so i can safely get into hse reps. well. i dun deny i had the chance.

i had the chance to choose whether to enter or not. i did.

n i seriously reGretEd not giving up the chance of becoming a hse rep. i really really seriously regretted. it'll be the worst thing i've done in nj.

to choose to be a hse rep. when i had the chance to just give up. well. u wld ask y i din right. cos i really really din wana leave teo all alone to face those evil ppl. i tink she wld have died by now if she's all alone in there. n she join partly oso cos of me.

so we r in it together n im really very glad tt she's alwiz there for me when i need her. even tho im very fierce to her at times. n i scream at her at times. seriously. i apologise for those times. hias. really i feel she's my cloest fren now. really. in nj at least.

hias. how i wish i've just chosen to run for oac exco. even if i never get in i'll be happily in oac w/o any troubles cos the pple there are all so nice and friendly unlike the evil ppl in hse reps. hias. :l.

seriously. if only i cld turn back time.

i'll go back to the time i was in Maldives. i wanna re-live it again. it's the most wonderful thing tt have happened in my life. it's thru it tt i noe kiwi. oh my. i'll do anything to be able to turn the time back. back. back. back...

[feeling: a bit of worry. n sian diaoz.]

wah lao. just now i typed one whole chunk of things kenna deleted off. hias. sianz. sianz. sianz.

nth much larhs. shall keep it short this time. eh. friday celebration was very fun. both at nj and at sn. hehs. :) really very glad to see all my old friends again! hehs. esp christina, cher, seejia, eve and mayi! hehs. too bad huey wasn't there.

we went orchard and i took a neocard with seejia. tink it's damn nice other than tt pig's big fat face! hehs. :) hmm. really had fun just eating dinner and crapping with seejia and cher. hmm. ard near 9 i was too tired liaos. hehs. really had to sleep else i'll collapse.

so we went to orchard mrt station. sat at one of the staircase. n i started sleeping. when i woke up cher told me tt a grp of guys walking past was staring at me. hehs. watever. as if they din see ppl sleeping before.

i wore the sn u again. hehs. feels quite funny and uncomfortable. cos im used to the nj u already.

newae. the next day i went to zhenghua primary to do cip. hehs. the kids there are really very cute. tho' mine always bully me. [hehs. see a p5 bullying a 17 year old before] haha.

newae. met him at woodlands. we wanted to study at the library one. but then he wasn't feeling well so i took the train with him home. he alighted at jurong east and then he asked me to take the train back to yishun instead of waiting for the bus with him. so i parted with him. but seriously im very worried abt him.

until now still not ok. :l hmm. really hope he'll get well soon. cos his prelims is so near! :l hias.

get well soon!

[feeling: hungry!]

haha. now still in school. doing hse stuf [wat else]. hehs. damn hungry. n i wanna watch my horse show. arhs. hope can faster go home.

hmm. missed the chance of going out for dinner with him. but realised it has been alwiz so. i mean like. for hse stuff i seem to have neglected him a bit.

eh. ha. so wanna like apologise to him. hope u wun mind dear.

newae. friday is teachers' day celebration liaos. hehs. one more event going down soon. hehs. well actually for teachers' day preparation. it's really not bad lorhs working with them. i dun deny larhs seriously i had fun working with them for teachers' day.

moulding the clay and painting the keychains. hehs. :) hmm. n got to work with the other hses too. hehs. like aqua a lot! a lot! hehs. esp lydia n zhaoxiu. they r very cute lorhs. :) haha. yep.

hehs. tink i'll go home liaos. it's damn late liaos! arhs. wanna catch my horse show. hehs. n can wait for his fone call later! :) yea!

[feeling: a bit of despair]

well. a relationship is built on trust. definitely. so i tell myself tt i've to trust him. definitely.

n im trying my best to of course.

definitely.

definitely trying my best.

[feeling: fairly ok]

hmm. damn hot now. the air-con at bytz is not working. damn damn hot.

haha. having gp now. y am i online. cos need to search for sth. haha. gp teacher not here. damn shaung. he seldom not in school lorhs. haha. :)

hmm. he's not in school today. miss him lots. :l

newae. haha. just now got sex tok. seem like every year oso will have one. haha. newae. hmm. being a bit paranoid now. just now the video showed some ns guys looking for prostitutes. opps. haha. not i dun trust him. i dun trust the ppl he's gonna mix ard with.

damn. he better noes how to control.. :l better be faithful to me! hehs.

haha. shall go back to my gp.

[feelin: good!]

hehs. it's school hrs now. but! im at home. haha. totally tired yesternite n was like damn giddy. so decided to stay at home today. cos today got like lotsa things date due i haven't finish yet. so decided to stay at home n complete them!

hehs. me not slacking now. waiting for eunice to send me pw things. hehs. seriously pw can really boil my blood sometimes. but nvm larhs. i guess i've quite good members in my group lorhs. :) hehs. so should look on the bright side larhs. although it may not be equal but all of us got do our parts lorhs. :) hehs.

newae haha. it's so damn nice staying at home. hehs. tho i do feel a bit guilty. n i miss him. boo boo. :l how i wish i can see him. hehs.

ha. yesterday terra 1 got 4th for captain's ball! haha. eh. actually was hoping we at least get 3rd lorhs. we have the chance one lorhs realy. just tt hias. dunno larhs. i tink the last few crucial minutes they shouldn't have let those 2 guys down. cos they r not warmed up yet and they din have any mo4 qi4 with the other members. tt's y. hias. :l but nvm larhs. over liaos. say anything oso no use.

just glad we at least got a 4th! hehs. :)

well. im gonna be hardworking. gonna do pw liaos. can't slack! hehs. else i'll feel damn guilty skipping school today. hehs.

ganbantte ne!

[feeling: damn happy]

yeaH! we r ok liaos. im so happy. >_<

i was so scared.

so scared he'll ask for a breakup.

but luckily no. he still do care abt our relationship. :)

yeah! :D

newae have cip later. less than 3 hrs to sleep. -.-*yawnz* hope tml wun point to the wrong direction for the big walk. ha.

[feeling: sleepy. very sad.]

hias. today went out with him. but we quarreled. hias.

sianz. i really hate quarreling with him. cos it'll make both of us unhappy n tt's the last thing i want on earth. seeing him so upset just totally break my heart lorhs. hias.

i feel so down now. i can't concentrate on the things i do im so confused. hias. all my fault larhs. :(

if only
i can return into his embrace
n hold on to his big warm hands

[feeling: damn sad]

When the day is long and the night , the night is yours alone ,
when you're sure you've had enough of this life , well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes .

Sometimes everything is wrong . Now it's time to sing along .
When your day is night alone , (hold on, hold on)
if you feel like letting go, (hold on)
when you think you've had too much of this life , well hang on.

Everybody hurts . Take comfort in your friends .
Everybody hurts . Don't throw your hand . Oh, no. Don't throw your hand .
If you feel like you're alone , no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life , the days and nights are long ,
when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Well , everybody hurts sometimes ,
everybody cries . And everybody hurts sometimes .
And everybody hurts sometimes . So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.
(Everybody hurts . You are not alone .)

[feeling: confused]

hehs. took the courage to do this test.

Do you need a boy/girl friend now?

hehs. :) i noe i need you. you're alwiz there to listen to all i've to say. then you'll give me lotsa advice. tho' sometimes i dun really listen to you. but i noe you'll still be there when i need you. :)

i love you. :)

[feeling: tired. again.]

sianz larhs damn sianz. my pw group members are at chem remedial now. me alone in bytes doing pw. hias. really damn tired. falling asleep. hmm. haven't even finish collating the Singapore side's survey.

sianz arhs.

just hope this whole thing ends real soon.

real soon. :|

newae. just now lunch time managed to eat lunch wif him! haha. so happy lorhs. :) hehs. haven seen him for many days liaos. hehs. he went home early. to see a doctor. he can't sleep at night. dunno y leh.

haha. i noe y. must be sleep too much in the afternoon liaos larhs. he alwiz complain he's tired then he go home n sleep one lorhs. siaoz. haha. :) one day sleep so many hrs. sianz. if only i can be like him.

still falling asleep in class. tink during parent-teacher meeting session im gonna be damn dead. hias. wonder how my mother will react. sad to say. im gonna throw her in school. gonna say i got sth else can't be present at the session.

hias. wait till she goes home. then i'll be dead meat.

dead meat.

hias. qt stressed nowadays. promo's only one plus month away onLy.

gotta wAke up now.

like right now.

You represent... naivete. So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

What's your usual [mood]?

Are you easily stressed?

Which [Rainbow Colours] are you?

[feeling: sleepy.]

haha. nowadays im always either sleepy or tired yarhs. haha. :) hmm. got lotsa things to do. as in homework. tutorials. assignments.

but it seems to remain stagnant in my hands. nowadays come home very tired liaos. want to sleep a bit first then wake up to do work. but always fail.

sianz. i really have to stop my sleeping disease. maybe it's really only a state of the mind. hias. hope i can overcome it.

i really really dun wanna sleep my life away.

[feeling: sleepy]

ha. just finished pw. not really finish larhs. still got damn lotsa things to do. ha. can't really be bothered. [yes. agreed by shiwen] ha. :)

sianz. miss him. he left w/o me. haha. eh.

damn sianz. later got HSE meeting. n it's overall HSE. sianz. i am not looking forward to it lorhs. hias. hope the meeting will be over soon. like.

now.

[feeling: tired.]

not physically tired. mentally tired.

im so so so so so damn glad tt another event is down. down down down.

tt means tt the time we'll spend working [if u call tt working] together is less. less less less. ha.

damn i got scolded by dane lim for not putting hse in front of oac. u noe wat i wanted to tell him.

i put oac in front of hse. n i mean damn damn damn in front.

i mean. damn it lorhs. if u were me u will too. it's not becos it's very difficult to get ppl down to participate in the events. it's not because i've to stay back until very late everyday. it's not because i'll get scolded everytime i reach home so late. it's not because my hse like got last lorhs.

it's so damn it because i've sucky partners as hse reps in my hse lorhs. of cos teo im not toking abt her. it's the other 4. damn it lorhs. hias. how do u expect me to go down wholeheartedly when the ppl im working with are so damn f****** idiots.

sianz. sianz sianz sianz.

god bless i can go on.

pls. i really dunno next year how im gonna survive when kiwi wun be there for me anymore. hias. at least not all the time.

huey is right. the most painful. most hurtful words on earth is "if only".

man. if only..

damn.