Kudou Hikaru

incorrigible

WTF WTF WTF WTF

Things have got rather out of control.

Totally freaking awful. WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN.

Doomed. DOOMED, I tell you.

...but there is no other choice. Only to hold my head high and take the next step forward, all the wiser.

No way I'm letting things take me down. I'm fighting back, because I'm above all this.

Current Music: We R Who We R - Ke$ha

Shoot

We live in a different world, with different ideas and perceptions and priorities...

And I suppose once I can accept that there are some things that I just will never experience in this life...probably things will start to look better.

That, and when I can actually channel my energy and focus and passion to those matters that actually can make a positive difference.

Current Music: Love Ya - SS501

asdflkjh

Stupid ISP.

Damn the overpopulated campus.

ISP/broadband acting up. AGAIN.

At this point I can't helping thinking, "WTF!!??"

...not that I enjoy spouting off obscenities, mind you. But whatever that come out of my mouth will never beat Panty & Stocking & Garterbelt, an anime which I appear to be somewhat too prudish to enjoy. Ugh.

Current Music: Shame - Robbie Williams & Gary Barlow

P/s: My slash goggles. I can't take them off. Especially the so-called Brokeback Mountain-ish feel of the music video to this song, and then there's the eyesex (significantly loads of it!), and the touching and the taking of clothes and the bro-hug and...

Imi

We ascribe meaning to many things, as an attempt to prioritise whatever things that come our way, be it responsibilities, possibilities for the future, or even the things we have left behind; our memories and our experience.

But when it comes to emotions, some rules just don't apply anymore.

Maybe it's the hormones.

That's why I keep on telling myself: It doesn't matter. It's actually nothing. Just a minor anomaly, it'll pass, it'll be no more soon enough. Carry on already, 'coz there's a bigger meaning to take care of.

The meaning in this life.

The meaning of being me.

The meaning of virtue, of being obedient as His subject.

It Is

It's amazing how the interval between the lecturer's asking me question and my answering, there's always this voice in me that goes "Oh shoot!" (or its more unacceptable euphemism). Because my brain always takes a bit of time searching the database - meagre as it may be.

I like ambiguous situations. It's when I can act getting pissed off about one thing whereas it's actually about another.

It's worrying how I always manage to blog even when my logic told me not to. Damn my lack of self-discipline!

It's funny how I keep on quoting lines from Sherlock in my daily conversations. Truly, my fandom has conquered my body, mind and soul.

Current Music: I'm Not Over - Carolina Liar

Lost

I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING MUCH TONIGHT.

...I just want to stay low and contemplate over this transient life, the fraility of old age, and the certainty of...well, y'know.

...

Current Music: What Do You Want From Me - Adam Lambert

Retarded

Retarded in the sense that my internet connection is uber slow, and thank God for my impeccable self control that managed to not make me pull out my hair in frustration.

Damn it. I knew I'd suffer again once the other students are back. Damn densely populated areas with poor facilities. Pfft.

And I think just today I heard one of the most annoying (local? Or all songs collectively?) songs in the history of ever. I mean, the female singer - pathetic one, at that - only sings two or three lines over and over again, and it was about how she silently fell for this guy.

At one point, with all the bit about being insiduous ("diam-diam") and fucking JUST THAT, I'd like to yell "Diam!" (Translation: "SHUT UP!") at her instead.

Bloody untalented artistes, go kill yourselves.

Current Music: Coming to Terms - Carolina Liar

WHYWHYWHY

Why is the broadband still UBER SLOW!?

Why am I thinking too much into things that in the end won't effing matter!?

Why am I such a hopeless moron!?

Why can't I just CHILL!!??

Why can't I just study in peace nowadays!?

Why oh why can't I stop asking WHY!!??

*Headdesk*

Current Music:Dynamite - Taio Cruz

Additions

I know I have enough things to juggle - get those damn priorities straight, woman! - but every once in awhile (read: every so often) my mind wanders and I want nothing more than to escape from the hassles and the responsibilities that are getting heavier on my shoulder.

Movies that I damn well want to check out in the near future: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang; The Diary of A Wimpy Kid; Shutter Island.

PSP Games: Kingdom Hearts (the new one!), Persona 4(?).

Dangit. WTH can't I just focus on my studies!?

...I suppose there are things that will forever evade my understanding, or my reach. Shall I just throw caution to the wind and just do whatever the hell I feel like doing, as long as it's still within acceptable boundaries?

Current Music: One in A Million - Bosson

Recheck

You are Conscientious, Agreeable, Neurotic and Open

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

You Would Be a Sympathetic Doctor

You are a natural caretaker, and people tend to immediately feel at ease with you. As a doctor, you would be known for your bedside manner and calm approach with patients. You would feel genuine concern for your patients. Your patients' comfort would be just as important as their health. You would be well suited for being an anesthesiologist or pediatrician. You would also be ideal for running a general practice.

...WTF paediatrician or GP!? Well, yeah, anaesthesia...but my knowledge on pharmacology is, at best, modest.

...Heck no.

You Are French Fries

You are friendly and easygoing. People can't help but like you! You are always welcome wherever you go, and people crave you more than they'd like to admit. You are extremely fun loving. You try not to think about responsibilities whenever possible. You are rich in personality and spirit. You have a lot to offer, but you never let it go to your head.

You're Sweet Because You're Kind

You believe that this can be a hard life and a cruel world, so you cut others lots of slack. You think the way to cultivate kindness is to be kind. And you are one of the nicest people around. You tend to believe in forgiving and forgetting. It's easier said than done, but you're pretty good at it. You think that in the end, nothing is as big a deal as it seems. People need to let go more.

Current Music: Whole New Way - Scissor Sisters

Delusional? Hope Not

Sometimes I just want to tell myself that "It's all fine", but I'm quickly countered with a denial. That life is not as fine as I'd hoped it to be. Because dreams do get crushed as regularly as they came true.

I suppose I'll just have to go with the flow for now. No good to be worrying too much at this stage...

As a side note, I'm back to having crappy connection since the other students are back in campus.

Damn.

Current Music: Fell in Love Without You - Motion City Soundtrack

If I Forgo Social Convention...

...I'd say this straight out: Grow the eff up.

I don't see myself as being one with the best lifestyle, but I do give myself credit when it comes to perspective. What other people call "real world", I call "pessimism" because hey, when a certain book tells me to never expect gratitude from people for doing them a favour, I read it as pessimism, no less.

So yeah, my perspective still stands strong.

So when I say that one must be proactive instead of just bitching around doing nothing, I actually mean it. Attempt to intervene first, then if things don't turn out the way you had wanted, then bitch all you want, and I'll probably support you and, at the very least, listen to you cry your heart out.

But when I effing tell you that you've to take action instead of complaining how people don't approach you, how you're sidelined and stuff - I mean it. Some people are just so forgetful, you'll have to shake their shoulders hard and announce that you exist.

...

So if you want to see me as the villainess, fine then.

All I know is, I've said the right thing - harsh as it may be, at least I was gentle when I said those words. I just want you to know that life doesn't put you up in a pedestal and that other people tend to ignore you even though you know that they shouldn't have done so.

All this is bloody childish. It amazes me how some people can just forget all the good things and focus on the bad, and then proceed to punishment, as if they're the martyr in this whole crap.

...Okay, so maybe I'm guilty of this in some other aspect, but we're not talking about me here. Next time, just not now.

Anyhow. Whatever it is, I'm so not going to relent if all I'm getting in return is a cold shoulder.

You're a bloody adult. Deal with it.

Current Music: Forget You - Cee-Lo Green

Kioku

They say ignorance is bliss. I say I agree if it's ignoring things that damn well deserve being ignored.

A good memory can be a wretched thing sometimes. If it's being used to keep tabs on all the bad things done to you or your act of wronging other people, that same memory can be the switch to turn on one's neurosis or psychosis.

Not to say that being demented or amnesiac is good, of course.

After all, who are we without our memories, our experience?

Current Music: Goodbye - Mute Math

what is this i don't even

My thoughts run wild, and now I'm too overwhelmed by things around me to be able to function normally.

Isn't it ironic how things that are full of uncertainty bother me more than things that I know are necessary? I mean, I should be spending more of my time and energy in pursuing the latter than the former...

Current Music: Kingdom Dance - Tangled OST

An Eye for an Eye(?)

I'm starting to think it's okay to have someone pissed off at me - as long as if s/he starts to bad mouth me to other people, the others would refute.

I mean, it's hardly fair that I'm always paranoid that I've pissed off people inadvertently...or that other people is pissed off at me.

I should be allowed the luxury - the human capability! - to be pissed off at other people as well.

...

If I'm not making any sense, just ignore me. Because I myself wonder if I'm still capable of spurting out coherent sentences and valid arguments.

Current Music: Just A Dream - Nelly

Boo

Going up against a fellow human being with the XX chromosomes in her moody phase is like wrestling a raging bull by the horn.

I mean, yeah, I know you're agitated and pissed and stuff, but (a) I wasn't really blaming you and (b) Stop thinking that I'd do such a thing, because I really am your friend and I'd rather not have us fighting, therefore (c) Cease the tantrum and get a grip of yourself damnit!

...At least, those are the things I'd say. I mean, the moment she raised her voice at me my vocal cords retaliated in a raised voice too, but my Broca's area still managed to retain its control on my choice of words.

But I still am pissed at this...childish feud, if it is such. Whatever. I still hope it'll resolve.

Sigh.

I do wish some people could grow up (Likewise, I wish I could be more mature than how I am now...), and accept that the world doesn't revolve around anyone, unless you're some big shot who controls a big chunk of the world.

And you're not, because what appears to be yours is not really yours. It's really something that God has lent you.

Pfft.

Grow up, for God's sake.

Current Music: Airplanes - B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams

Le Sigh

PMS. Can't live with them, can't live without them.
Not that I despise it, mind you, but I just wish it'll just end and then what should follow it just come like it's supposed to.

The lack of focus is going to cost me dearly.

And...let's not go into the discomfort.

Need to get some work done instead of blogging. Damn it.

And damn this Internet connection. I can't appease my fangirl self to its fullest!
Argh.

...I really need to go and get a shower. And go offline.

Current Music: Forget You - Cee-Lo Green

Life Online as We Know It

It's like a drug.

No matter how much you know it's bad for you, you can't help but to be drawn to it, like moth to a flame.

It'll pull you further away from real life - from your real responsibilities, real social life, real things - just to satisfy your whimsical, endless yet superficial joys.

Considering how my life is already too much centred around my blogs, the last thing I need is another place to hang out online, yeah?

So rightfully that means NO to tumblr. Or twitter. At least wait until my exams are over.

Shoot.

Oh Heck

Assumptions are bad for you.

I mean, just because I barely managed to squeeze out a decent history when I was presenting, it's no reason to feel happy.

I mean, his (my lecturer) liking to pick on me is obviously nothing. Nothing, because he does it all the time on whomever he felt like teasing/asking/etc.

So the presentation just now was, to put it brusquely, nothing to be proud of.

There's still tomorrow to contend with, to survive, to pull through.

...Still, I suppose trying to ask him for a signature - while asking if that deserved to be called as a case presentation - is ok. Isn't it?

Gotta pray. And prepare for other things that are bound to be tomorrow as well...

Current Music: It Had to Be You - Motion City Soundtrack

Sleepy, but still able to Blog. HOW!!??

1. There is so much hate in the Net. So much, that the only love I see and feel to be part of is the one dealing with my fandom - specifically, slash. Because we fangirls are rabid 'shippers, enough said.
   As a side note: The hate is mostly focused on Irene Adler and occasionally Mary...but they are irrelevant.


2. Bureaucracy should die several times over. It screws with us way too often for our good. Damn.
   I am still looking for the demarcating line between bureaucracy and respect.


3. Weekends. They are too short.


4. It's tiring to get pissed off with people.

Temperamental as the Weather

I always pinpoint my volatile mood as one of my many shortcomings as a human being. But, seeing the people around me, perhaps I am not alone.

Allow me to be bold and say that some people are actually more volatile than I am on their bad days. Which probably isn't really saying much, considering that stress usually brings out the worse in people.

Pfft. Maybe I'm in no place to say anything.

Regardless. I do hope people can just deal with it.

I repeat what I said today; "Life is never fair. Live with it."

Current Music: Made for You - OneRepublic

Just...This.

There are no words to describe how much my heart is seething just to suppress the desire to scream these words out:

SHUT UP.

Yes, shut the bloody hell up. Everything about you - and you - is made of PHAIL.

...My PMS needs to end. Like, NAO. Before I actually blow something up.

Current Music: All the Right Moves - OneRepublic

(Reverse) Epiphany

It's a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

I'm becoming exactly what I hate - whether it's those that I see in other people or those stereotyped by the people of my race.

How I can get quite bitchy when some people enjoy certain...advantages that I've been denied of. Or - for fear of incurring His Wrath should I sound like an ingrate by my previous sentence - advantages that I have never had the opportunity to savour. In simpler terms, I become easily envious.

How I am quick to judge people.

How I am quick to criticise.

How I tend to punish people by acting all cold and tsun-tsun.

And - of course, another great sin - the sheer laziness and my procrastination streak and my irresponsible behaviour.

God Help me. Please.

Current Music: Everything is Alright - Motion City Soundtrack

What I Should NOT be Doing...

Made using Keepcalm-O-Matic. Icon by anoncomment7.
Damn, this thing is more addictive than I had thought...Tsk me!

Current Music: Cowboy Casanova - Carrie Underwood

Sleepy, but Blogging (& Assignment!) Come First!

1. I'm on a killing spree - to eliminate the ants that seem to have taken up residence in my room. I do not approve of this freeloading, damn them. So it's war. So far they did seem to take the ant bait, but I still see their troops hanging around and wandering on my bed and occasionally sneaks up on to my arm.
   So I crush those that I see.
   The downside? I hate the smell of their bodily fluid. Ugh.


2. Why is time racing so effing fast these few days!? I can't keep up, damnit!
   And all the last minute changes and classes are putting a toll on my poor heart. Tsk.


3. It's so hard when I've so much thoughts to put into my blog(s), but it's always either I'm too lazy or tired, or I've other things - more important ones? - to do first.
   It's moments like these that makes me wonder if I'm more of a writer than a health practitioner!


4. The heavy panting - Sugata's and Takuto's - at the end of Star Driver episode 8 is my _exact_ idea of the sounds they'd make after engaging in a certain intimate activity that lovers do. Really. And this is fact that TakutoxSugata is highly plausible. The BL must go on!
   Now all that leaves us slash fangirls is for Wako to get out of the picture. That irritating third wheel can go and follow the yuri if she has to. But she's probably too ugly for that as well. Yuck.
   SugataxTakuto, or bust!

Current Music: Glory of Love - Peter Cetera

Round and Round

1. It's always the same darn things over and over again. It plays like a broken record. And yet I have not reached the right degree of maturity to really handle it well - as it should be handles. Damnit.
   I think my life just got a title to describe it: Uragiri Atashi no Namae Shitteiru (Betrayal Knows My Name)...considering that I've always felt betrayed by those whom I trusted...


2. I effing hate the weather. What the heck happened? Isn't it supposed to be rainy season!?


3. I'm seriously homesick, yet there is not much time - no free weekend - to allow me the luxury of returning home...


4. Star Driver's campiness and topsy-turvy plot has gone into absurd levels. I mean, I'm looking for some decent SugataxTakuto slash, but what do I get? The main female has as much charisma as a rock - she's damn ugly to boot. Ugh.
   Not to say that Takuto and Sugata look good. Takuto's crooked smile and tiny shirt piss me off...and Sugata looks like he's anaemic. I don't even know what to rant now - the story's just too ridiculous for my tastes.
   Oh, and the title is so stupid. No way a guy can yell out "Ginga Bishounen" and pilot a mecha that looks so gay without being a real dork and, well, gay.

Current Music: Telephone - Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce

Random Things are Random

1. The word of the past week is "cathartic", which I encountered several times during my visits to countless anime blogs. The definition, according to the Oxford American Dictionary in my iBook is providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions; causing catharsis.
   ...I'll be sure to remember that.


2. Case report nearing its completion, yeah! Just around 15-20% more, and then I'm done!
   I still can't help thinking that I should've chosen another case that's newly diagnosed...sigh. Beggars can't be choosers though...


3. The weekend felt too short! That's what we get for having class on Saturday...Sigh. It was all right, the seminar I mean, but really now...
   I suppose it's one way of getting used to the idea of being trapped in the ward as a houseman soon...hmm...


4. Why does it take AGES for Wordpress.com to load on my browser!? Argh. I am annoyed.

Current Music: Dynamite - Taio Cruz

*insert incoherent sounds*

1. My attention deficit disorder is seriously getting worse. Perhaps it's high time that I seek medical attention?


2. Honestly, I can't wait for the third and final leg of "The Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy". Apparently it'll be called The World's End. Honestly now, Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz were awesome (the latter more than the former, because I'm a stickler for buddy cop shows!), and I've officially include the director and the main actors into my fave list. Also, Martin Freeman! Yay!
   As it turned out, The World's End is still unannounced - probably still in written process - but next year, there's still Paul to watch out for! No director, but we'll have Nick Frost and Simon Pegg, which are still good news. And what's this about aliens!?


3. Imagine, so many things in 2011! There'll be Sherlock Holmes 2, the second season of the miniseries BBC Sherlock, the final part of the Harry Potter movies, _and_ Paul! So much win!!


4. Argh. So much emotions raging in me, I can't seem to let them go...


5. Why do I always seem to face the same darn problems!? Have I not matured in the least since my childhood days!?


6. I really wanted to go home next week, but...sigh. Dangit.


7. What is the deal with my insane need to blog, like, practically every day? And why's my mind shrouded with thoughts or ideas for blog entries and not on academic matters?


8. I'm hating ants and monkeys more than ever. And cats...are _really_ trying my patience. Pests, begone already! Argh!

Current Music: Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

Feelings are Troublesome

1. Pissed off - at people who have this uncanny ability to piss me off no matter what they do or do not do. Or those who just ask me for their own sole benefit. Like, hello? Am I merely a source of your...whatever it is that you require at the moment? Don't you think I deserve some words of kindness or sympathy!? WTF.

2. Lazy - so little time, so much work, even more distractions, and even less energy and enthusiasm.

3. Homesick. Shoot.

4. Afraid - for the uncertain future, for my incompetence.

5. Sleepy.

6. Anxiety - will I be able to do this?

Current Music: Misery - Maroon Five

Tsk?

1. STILL unable to shop whole-heartedly. Damn.
2. Why on Earth do people celebrate mediocrity, and worship lameness?
3. So much work ahead, gasp!
4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I is rather meh. Not to say that it was bad...but I was hoping for more action, more Draco and more Snape. What did I get instead? Some clash between Ron and Hermione, and tbh I still think it's Hermione's fault.
   Pfft. Why must the show bring so much fail in the relationship? I mean, yeah, while I get RonxHermione why can't I get Draco/Harry too? Because Draco's character has been reduced to what is essentially a wimp, and it's not the funny sort of wimp anymore. Shoot.

Current Music: That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain<---hey, what an apt song for my current thoughts on the movie!

Ugh

BORED. If I had a gun I'd have the wall took a pounding, Sherlock-style.

I know I've loads of things to do, but God, I AM BLOODY BORED.

I should've gone back home, but what good is regret right now?

Busy busy, tsk!

Current Music: Baby, It's Cold Outside

Thank God

Perhaps this week wasn't too bad.

Sure, the accident and the subsequent Miyavi-less university life sucks to a certain degree, but the fact that my companion and I emerged alive and quite well, without knocking other cars, and with people willing to help us out, I must say that we are very thankful to God.

I miss my car, yes, but I do hope that he'll undergo a grand rebirth - even if it costs a bomb. Hmmph.

I passed my Paediatrics exams, somehow. Thank God.

...That's enough, I think. I've better things to do than to mull over depressing stuff - because I've enough depressing thoughts for now.

Current Music: Just A Dream - Nelly

Pathetic?

At one point I think chastising myself for my limitations as a human being - well, as a weak human being - brings no use.

I mean, obviously it's hardly wise to count on other people to give you sympathy. It's pathetic, yes? It's like begging for people to feel something which they probably are not entitled to - even more so if the bond that you and the other party share is not strong enough, being mere acquaintances. Sure, being friends do mean that you somewhat expect some understanding, some support...but at the end of the day, each person has his or her life to traverse through, and just be thankful that they're willing to ask how you're pulling through and, when they can, lend you a mindful ear, a helpful hand, or words of wisdom.

And yes, there are kind souls out there who are willing to help a fellow human being out. Be thankful - to God, and to them.

So perhaps it won't do to blame yourself too much. Because your own self deserves as much love as you can give - perhaps no other soul can give as much. Parents, yes, but when you're alone...when the nightmares haunt you at night, and when the pain stabs you mercilessly, when life brings you down and when all hope seems lost...all you have are yourself and the omnipresent God.

Current Music: If I Had You - Adam Lambert

Frustration

Damn my peaceful, pacifist nature!

Current Music: Made for You - OneRepublic

Honestly Speaking...

Terasa diri...

1. dah serik
2. malas nak tension
3. bengang pada banyak benda
4. tak mahu berharap
5. banyak sangat kerja, tapi masa sangat la terhad...

Retribution? Or A Reminder?

Either way, as long as it absolves me of my sin, I'm fine with it.

Maybe because things were not _too_ bad.

I've been pissed off for a couple of days, as a result I managed to piss of several people as well. Maybe it's because things were too fucked up before, and now...well, I don't know what to think anymore.

But we survived. Even Avicenna. Miyavi, on the other hand...well, at least he'll be getting a new bumper. (I've been wanting one, tbh, since the time I knocked into a car a year ago...)

Everything was a blur. But I still feel the pain.

Thank God though. Yes, that's all I can do now...thank Him and continue praying.

Without

A bedroom without a clothes cupboard is like a kitchen without a refrigerator, or a computer without a memory space.

Hmm. Still, I won the battle. As for the war...well, there was no chance of winning the bloody war anyway. It's far too late, too deep into the war.

I'll have to make the most of it. Really now - there's no other way around it.

We don't always get our way. As long as we fight for our right in a civilised manner, I guess that's as good as winning, yeah?

Current Music: Get Another Boyfriend - Backstreet Boys

Short but Definitely Ain's Sweet

What the bloody fuck is wrong with the world!? Oh, damn it all, with me!!??

Current Music: Telephone - Lady GaGa featuring Beyonce

Jibun ni Yakusoku

"An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be” ~ Anonymous

As a step to become an engineer of my own fate - at least, as much as I am able to - and reverse my great depression, which had consumed at least 2 days of my life to no beneficial ends, I hereby announce that I shall go out tomorrow and catch up with some shopping, which I have been deprived of for far too long.

Yes, that's what I'll do. Because life's too short to waste on mulling things over. It has to end eventually, and now's a good time to put an end to this goddamned misery.

Call me stubborn, but I call it sticking by my principles.

Current Music: Show Me What I'm Looking for - Carolina Liar

Me vs The World

Does being an obedient daughter mean going with everything that your parents had decided for you, in fear of inciting conflict and their wrath? Or worse, God's Wrath?

It still cannot alter the fact that I absolutely hate it when people make decisions on their own despite that whatever verdict they will come up in the end will effectively affect me and my life. My functioning capabilities.

It makes me feel like nobody gives a flying fuck as to what I think. What ever happened to my right as an individual, my freedom of speech, my right of _having_ emotions and opinions!?

What the fuck is wrong with the world lately? Has the world gone more insane, or is the insanity solely on my part?

Current Music: Whole New Way - Scissor Sisters

Nemutain desu ke do...

Halfway through my exams. Clinical exams tomorrow. OMG.

But I'm far too sleepy to read up on stuff.

Dear God, help me. Please.

I just want to pass. And then reach home safely.

Current Music: Airplanes - B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams

Epic Headdesk

I never fail to NOT learn.

Ended up sleeping like whoa instead of studying like whoa. And the best part? My brain had the nerve to drown me in a dream when it knows very well that time is something that I really lack right now.

Even better part that really takes the cake?

He was there, in my dream. When I was supposed to NOT feel ANYTHING for him anymore. Okay, so he was just standing there doing nothing but...argh, damnit! I don't need more drama in life! Especially one that I can do without!

I don't want to worry about the issue of soulmates right now, but emotions rarely get controlled easily. At least in my case anyway.

Current Music: Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars

Negai

If I could have a wish to change one thing about the world - anything at all - it's for people to be more considerate. Which is awfully difficult to do, because everyone is essentially selfish to various degrees. Perhaps it's part of the survival instinct as well.

But. Everyone's still trying to survive, to make ends meet.

Take exams for example.

Everyone's scared. Not everyone is truly prepared. Not everything is fully covered.

So please don't act as if you're the only one that matters.

Please don't expect too much of me. At least show some degree of appreciation for my assistance, however minor it may seem.

I'm not asking too much. I'm not asking you to revere me for my small service.

I'm just asking you to _please_ think of other people and that I too value my time to study.

I really hate getting irritated with people whom I regard as my good friends.

The fact that I didn't text you with sarcasm or angry words is proof that I don't want to pick a fight with you because a) I remember all the good times we've enjoyed together, b) I remember your good deeds to me, and c) I don't want God to Frown at me.

So yeah. My patience still has its limits.

...Now if only I could say all of the above to her without ruining the situation...

Do NOT Want

I'm sick and tired of all this drama of the heart.

Damn it. Why can't I just move on instead of acting like Yamada from Honey & Clover II? I thought I've told myself countless times that (a) I obviously deserve better, (b) It's not my time yet, and (c) He doesn't deserve for what he had put me through.

Okay, maybe I'm being a prat for placing _all_ the blame on him, but really - it's the only thing my defense mechanism is capable of at this moment!

In summary: TAK NAK DAH.

Current Music: Good Life - OneRepublic

In Which I Procrastinate. Again.

I can sleep with no regret tonight. After five hours, there's above 100 hits for my latest fic posted over at AO3. If combined with the views on my LJ...well, let me be a happy fangirl for a moment.

What I _do_ regret, however, is that my initial aim of studying for tonight rather falls flat. Oh well, there's still some time...

I shudder at the packed schedule this week - and for next week's exams.

Dear me. *facepalm*

Current Music: That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain

Eiga

And...I'm back to doing unnecessary things. Example, catching the movie The Other Guys yesterday when I'm supposed to be studying...

Anyhow. I find myself wanting more. To see more movies, that is.

Specifically, Shaun of the Dead, which is a movie made in 2004, a parody of zombie movies. Heck, I need to watch this, especially after knowing that Martin Freeman has a cameo in it!

Also, news abuzz about Martin Freeman landing the role of Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, scheduled to be released in 2012. The thing is, I was never a fan of The Lord of The Ring trilogy, much less the books - simply because I've never bothered to educate myself on it.

But I _might_ feel compelled to catch The Hobbit, although truthfully speaking I'm somewhat horrified to have Mr. Freeman dress up as a hobbit. I mean, he'll always be the modern day Dr. John Watson for me...

But for now, there's the new Harry Potter movie to wait for.

Current Music: No Moral (TV Size) - Itou Kanako

Desperate, but...

I'm in a deep problem.

I know I don't have that much time to study 5 years' worth of lessons just for an exam that's bound to be in May 2011, but why am I still playing the fool? As if I'm such a genius that I don't need to get down to business? As if I already know enough things that I can pass the damn thing without breaking a single sweat?

I spend too much time feeling sorry with myself, then indulge in guilty pleasures,and then the cycle continues.

Aw crap.

I really need to get serious and start studying like whoa.

Current Music: Ultra Soul - B'z

FML

It's the same thing all the bloody time.

With my case write ups, it's always either too easy or too difficult. My first ever CWU was hellish to sit through to type it in. My recent CWUs for O&G were too simplistic for my tastes. My CWU during my Anaes posting, about disseminated tuberculosis, was a great pain. But yeah, TB is a pain because of its devastating course...

During my Y3 surgery, my CWUs were relatively a breeze compared to the others. Maybe that's because I had a great friend to discuss the case with.

Now all isn't what it seems. What I thought was a straightforward case turned out to be the exact opposite. I can't make neither head nor tail of it. The Occam's razor that I used is rejected.

Please don't tell me that I'm really getting more stupid for medicine.

I'm already in my last year. I can't afford to appear like a moron who hasn't learnt a single thing during med school.

What the eff is wrong with me!?

I should learn from my mistake. But my procrastination streak is deeply engrained with me, it won't be easy to get rid of it.

But I must. Because there is no way I can change the world if I can't even change myself.

Current Music: Show Me What I'm Looking for - Carolina Liar

Argh

It feels like everything is wrong.

EVERY. SINGLE. THING.

WTF is WRONG with the world nowadays?

Why do we have to so many inconsiderate imbeciles walking the Earth? Are they at least aware that they are wasting space, energy and oxygen? What use is there when their mere existence is just a nuisance, considering that they have no common sense at all to at least make other people's lives easier instead of making things uglier?

Bloody morons. What I'd give to pray for evil things...

...but no. I mustn't stoop so low. I should be above them.

Yeah. Screw those imbeciles. The least I could aim for right now is to graduate in time so that I won't have to suffer any longer than necessary.

Current Music: If I Had You - Adam Lambert

The Next Stage

Yup, things had just got from bad to worse.

Now I'm feeling anhedonistic. I can't even derive pleasure from reading my favourite stuff. My joy at the case presentation that went well this afternoon was short lasting.

Someone...take me seriously. I need professional help.

There may be some truth when I say I'm dysthymic.

And I still want to graduate on time.

Dear God.

Current Music: Misery - Maroon Five

Disbelief

Astoundingly bizarre has the situation taken its turn that the most coherent and appropriate response I am able to garner is this:

WTF???!!!11one

I don't want to think badly of God - I'm sure He has His reasons for putting me in this scenario, and that He's not only Doing this as some sort of divine punishment for whatever crimes and bad things I've done in the past (err...), and that He Knows that eventually I can pull myself out of this mess. Because He never Tests His Subjects beyond their capabilities.

In any case, I still need to pull myself together. No more of this crap people call emotions.

Current Music: Sing - The Classic Crime

Dumb and Dumber

Warning: Mild language ahead.

Frankly, I thought I had enough understanding of people.

Not to brag or anything, but I do make an effort to not piss anyone off.

But when I'm pissed off, then I'm ready to spread the uneasiness around. Retaliation? Maybe. But most probably it's because I don't think it's fair that I alone suffer when I am wronged.

Is a little genuine "Sorry" too much to ask for?

Sure, considering my emotionally masochistic nature, it's not wrong to say that I allow myself to suffer when any stress comes my way. Ironically, it's my own worldview that somehow managed to bring me this far.

But consider this.

When someone did something wrong to you, you naturally expect a sincere apology and the promise that it will not happen again. Only, when it does happen, you rethink that the apology previously was not that sincere to begin with.

If it's an unavoidable situation, you'll let it slide. But NOT when there was a way to stop it from happening in the first place.

And when you know that you're not supposed to get mad, not because of the 'unavoidable nature of the situation', but rather, it's the bureaucracy, in a politically correct way of saying it.

I thought they're supposed to teach you good things that you should commit to.

I assumed that they would not let me down.

I was an idiot.

Though not a complete idiot, I guess. Despite being able to foresee the situation, I still could not strengthen myself enough when I actually came face to face with it.

Right. Not a complete idiot, just a complete weakling.

But I defend my case. I have reasons for breaking down, and good ones too.

This has happened too many times in the past. If I had no heart, I'd probably accuse them of not wanting to have me around.

I realised that this family was different. We can't seem to express our emotions very well. Can't, or refuse to. Most of the cases, we avoid mush like plague. Is it any wonder that I consider myself crippled in mushy atmosphere?

Maybe it's just encoded in our genes. And it gets passed down to the next generation.

Perhaps ego has something to do with it. My own ego sometimes prevent me from apologizing...sometimes, because in other cases, I was wronged so the other party should apologize.

It feels like people are taking me for granted.

Can they please stop assuming that I can take everything they throw at me? And can they please think what if they were in my situation?

I thought I was a peaceful person. Maybe not. Should I blame the debater in me?

Discarding my "Do unto others as you'd want done unto you" mantra seems a bit too impossible to achieve. Religious codes, one thing, and guilt when wronging others is another. Which explains why I try to avoid conflict in any form.

But there's a limit to everything, since we're humans and all.

So what is there to do when conflicts come searching for me instead?

I still think I deserve to get some apology.

Ego, ka...I have my honour to defend. Still, breaking down like this is far from defending any honour.

One might say, "You're an adult, for God's sake!"

To which I will reply, "Yes, but I'm still a human. A woman, nonetheless."

Am I wrong? Sometimes the rebel needs to come out, but still I deserve some credit for merely breaking down instead of blowing up.

Did I mention that I hate breaking down? It's when I feel all the strength that I have mustered so far come crumbling down, locking me in the reality that I'm not as strong as I thought I was. And it gives others the misconception that I'm a crybaby.

Here's a little announcement for those who care: I cry when I'm furiously angered!

And you know what the worst thing about breaking down is? Apparently the evidence doesn't disappear easily. Your nose becomes red, your breathing is impaired, your nose blocked, your eyes swollen, your lips tremble (and you can't even eat properly!), your face feels puffy and hot, and your hair practically does nothing to improve how you look.

Another reason why I would bother to break down: I try to instill guilt in people.

Which doesn't seem to work, because people around me are not as emotionally affected as I am. Or maybe they just don't care at all.

Still, I've no other way, no other means.

So in the end, I do suffer alone. How do I expect to have the people close to me to comfort me when they are the ones who are responsible for my misery?

I could attribute it to my reactive tendencies, as opposed to proactive. It basically explains why I allow myself to be pushed around.

Though not all the time. I did try to change the situation, in hopes for a better outcome, but everything fell flat in the end.

So is it any wonder that I am the way I am right now? Remember, the brain has the reward and punishment centres. Seeing that I was met with countless failure, it's physiological in that I adopt a lifestyle that tries to minimise this torment.

Maybe I should pay the counsellor a visit. Maybe I should promote the way of an obstinate pessimist.

I'm misunderstood? Because I am alien even to myself.

Yes, I realise that I am spouting crazy, lame-attempts-at-philosophical words like a spoilt teenager who yearns for some attention and who thinks that her problem is the biggest in the world.

Well, one way to put it would be...that it could be one of the biggest problems in the world because I cannot manage myself, my emotions and my own rational thinking.

So what am I left with?

The simplest answer would be God.

But am I worthy?

Tomorrow brings new episodes. But this arc is yet to be over.

I can't let this go. Doing so only brings dire consequences, as observed from what recently happened. It's time to put my foot down. I have my rights too.

I need to settle this before it kills me. All this stress is probably causing my heart to undergo some serious cardiac remodelling.

And I still have to put up with worse stress in the future (assuming that I have one): clinical years, H.O. years, and henceforth.

Life gets tougher, because it assumes that you do too, and because God Knows what's best for you.

Current Music: Fake - Mr. Children

A Little Something...

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.

Yup, I do.

...Ironically, I heard the song just yesterday.

It shows that my race is a hundred years too young to take on administration responsibilities. 'Coz my uni totally sucks when it comes to those.

FB, oh FB...

...Methinks you're encouraging histrionic behaviour. From status updates, photos to personality tests...Tsk tsk. And yet there's something so enticing about you, that makes me approach you, although not without utmost caution, lest I fall into the abyss of addiction...

Twitter, the same goes for you, though I've no account there...Thank goodness for that.

...My innumerable blogs, you too. Sigh. At least you are my outlet to vent out my sentiments when people may refuse to listen to me...since they only see my remarks as nothing more by complaints.

Tsk tsk.

Note to Self

1. Sunway Pyramid's Jusco pwns O.U's. It even pwns Parksons everywhere.

2. I'm probably starting to be a fan of Cleef as a brand. The shoes are nice, the bags satisfactory.

3. Am starting to think I'm having some sort of a fetish for shopping. Now is the stage of bags and shoes. Not good.
Although, I must say that this page has some awfully cute bags...Darn it.

4. Avicenna's starting to act up. Or, rather, it's his battery. He's getting old. And overworked. Tsk...

Summary ver 2.0

So I was browsing through several online shopping blogs.

And I daresay I'm having what could be the shock of my life.

Bags priced more than RM200. Those that I never would dream of having. And yet it appeared to me that some could not care less where their money went. I mean, hey, a handbag that cost more than RM1000? Wouldn't you rather get yourself a new mobile phone instead? Especially since we have tons of other bags which may not even reach half of that price around?

I've said it once, and I'll say it again. WTH!!!???

Such, ladies and gentlemen, is the power of brands.

I personally am trying not to get sucked into it.

Some things are, all things considered, just not worth it.

I shall endeavour to remind myself this, over and over again.

Current Music: Katayoku no Tori - Shikata Akiko

Two Way

Yup it's mutual.

My uni is screwing with me. Or, specifically, the library. The hell!? As if I should pay for something I did not commit!!

It just shows the university's weakness as a whole. Planning is absolutely foreign to them. And the ones who have to suffer the consequences are us, the students!

How do they expect us to respect them when all they're capable of doing is screwing around with us?

Screw them, instead.

Oi, stupid Uni, why so retarded?

Oh, Internet connection, why totally unreliable and crappy?

Oi fridge, why so disappointing?! Is it because I didn't give you a name?

O-ya Avicenna, WHY!?

Frustration

More Frustration

Argh.

I really have to stop going too much out of my way just to ease people - especially when my own sanity and patience is compromised way too much.

Could people please not assume things as they like it? And whenever you make plans that some way involve me, have a common sense to inform me and not just assume that things will be okay or that I'll just accept whatever it is you say!?

Goddamnit.

Current Music: If I Had You - Adam Lambert

Brainwork. Not.

Methinks I think too much. Not in a good way, though.

I analyse all the wrong and unimportant stuff. Things that don't bring me anywhere other than superficial enjoyment.

All this thinking but no actual, useful effort.

And such, rightfully, I don't even deserve any so-called rewards...because the hard-earned labour is non-existent.

Tch.

Reminder from Above...and then some

Dan apabila hamba-hamba-Ku bertanya kepadamu mengenai Aku maka (beritahu kepada mereka): Sesungguhnya Aku (Allah) sentiasa hampir (kepada mereka); Aku perkenankan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila dia berdoa kepada-Ku. Maka hendaklah mereka menyahut seruan-Ku (dengan mematuhi perintah-Ku), dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepada-Ku supaya mereka mendapat petunjuk (surah al-Baqarah: 186).

Totally unrelated, but horrible (read: failed) cosplay (pictures or RL) traumatise me. They made me go "Oh God, my EYES!!" and "Un-see. Now!" and felt like spanking them for ruining my idea of the characters.

Oh. No offense. Take note I said "horrible cosplay", which is totally relative...

V-Day

Summary

People who know me would say I'm one of many words, incapable of summarising whatever is on my mind into a few sentences for your reading pleasure. Is it any wonder that I absolutely hated summary back then when I was in my secondary school years? And is it any surprise that my blog entries are so long that I could probably publish it into a book and then into one endless saga of words and more words?

But as of late, I find that it's getting easier to summarise things surrounding me, whatever they may be.

It just takes three words.

Better still, three letters.

It's "WTH!!??".

Because I'm a prude that wouldn't dare to be caught dead saying any offensive words.Right.

Current Music: If Today Was Your Last Day - Nickelback

Kawatte

"We must be open to change..." So I was told.

It was said with much humour, graced by delightful smiles and drowned in jovial laughter all around. I responded with what I suspect to be a wry smile, trying very much to appear light-hearted despite the truckload of heavy weight on my chest.

"It depends on what the change is in the first place. If it were bad, it would be better to maintain the status quo," was my safe reply.

It was fortunate that the conversation heretofore was diverted to one discussing what "status quo" was supposed to mean.

I recall having a conversation that discussed "change" a few weeks ago. At the time, as far as my memory still can guide me, it was about homosexuality - in which whether or not it is inherent in oneself and if it was liable to be negated with appropriate actions and conditioning. My companion at the time admitted that it was possible - her exact arguments escapes me at the moment - and therefore, it was possible for homosexuals to...become heterosexuals, if they tried hard enough.

I suppose I am rather too rigid when it comes to dealing with people who have changed - who have become different from how I once knew them. Perhaps this is one reason why it is no easy feat for me to keep in touch with my old friends. They have turned into people who seemed alien to me, that at times I could not help but think "Wow, so this is her true colours", or "I didn't knew she had it in her", or even "Am I the only one who's static here?", or worst, "Gosh, I'm so _lame_!".

Right now, it seems to me that people are capable of change once they put their heart and soul into it. Also, because, as Seneca put it, "Man is a social animal", we are also influenced by our environment, our surroundings. Simply put, the friends we keep may very well change us. While it's true that "birds of a feather flock together", the basic tendencies that define our identity are also prone to be moulded to become one that is most in harmony with the bunch of friends we hang out with.

But too much of anything can be bad.

Maybe I preferred the old her, one that has that some degree seriousness in our daily conversations. Now every conversation among ourselves is always too full of laughter and worn-out jokes, that it takes a toll on my facial muscles to break into a smile. Whatever happened to individuality!?

You're supposed to be relaxed, to let your guard down in the company of those you're comfortable with. Does it mean that, in all actuality, I resent this change because it doesn't agree with my nature, my preferences?

I don't think I'm hanging in the wrong crowd. A change of air every now and then sounds good, though.

I seriously need some time-out. All this is wearing me out...

Current Music: Goodbye - Kristinia Debarge

Before the Storm

One could say that it is pride, but I consider myself as one with rather high tolerance level.

Most Some people may find it easier to note one's shortcomings. For instance, if someone were to tell me that s/he finds this other person as insert-negative-adjective-here, it would actually be news to me. Only then would I start to notice the aforementioned trait, and depending on circumstances, such may affect my later interaction with the person.

That's why I'd rather not listen to what the general public may regard as back-biting.

But. There comes a time when someone whom I act nice to would then do something which irritates me.

Sometimes it's the little things. Maybe I'm wrong, but I make a huge deal of asking permissions prior to using other people's things. It's a form of acknowledgement, a manifestation of respect that s/he is the rightful owner of it and thus holds the right of whether or not I am permitted to make use of it. I therefore expect that it's the same when people use my things.

How hard is asking anyway? Does it take that much expenditure of one's energy?

The problem is, in conjunction with my tendency to avoid face-to-face conflict, I'd usually keep my mouth shut towards the person - but that doesn't stop me to complain to some other people. It's only when my limit point is exceeded that I would explode into full-blown anger - such was the case when this particular junior used my bike thinking that it was her friend's (really?), that even my friends were terrified of the rage my countenance had shown - and wouldn't give a damn as to how other people may perceive me. The reason? Because I saw that right was intruded on, and that, beyond any shadow of a doubt, I should be allowed to put said person in his/her place.

Is this what Psychiatry may regard as 'grandiosity'?

I was told that my feelings register easily on my face, that it may be simple to read me like an open book. Still, people tend to misunderstand my expressions, especially _before_ they know me better. A friend once said that she thought I was the serious type, and that she was surprised to find that I was also capable of nonsensical jokes.

That's why I'd rather suffer in silence and not pick a fight; A trace of displeasure on my face might be mistaken for extreme anger.

And so I chose subtlety.

The problem with that is not everybody is bright enough to get the drift, the underlying meanings.

...This is another reason why I did not bother to join the mentor-mentee system.

To presume that mankind is capable of great evil may seem unjust. But if I say that I also see myself as one who's capable of maliciousness, will it be fair?

Current Music: Black or White - Michael Jackson

Instead

I suppose there are some things that will forever evade my understanding.

It goes without saying that I have always felt alone, despite being a circle I can call a clique, in a group I can call my colleagues peers.

It dated since my primary school years...in which I've always felt that I'm the odd one out. But individuality - y'know, the stuff about how no two fingerprints are alike, no two people are the same - means always being alone because you're you, and no one else is.

The best way is to stop expecting too much, that I know for certain. Just be happy with what you get.

It's better this way? I have more time for myself. I have no need to put up a facade.

...Maybe that's why I've yet to find one who is interested - non-platonically - in me. Because I'm still too busy fulfilling my interests, that to start sharing my life and priorities with someone may be too early for me at this point. Too early, in that I've yet to gather what I need thus far, and that I might recklessly sacrifice what I hold dear to me, just to please him, that I forget my own rights.

That, or I would act too much like a selfish prat in demanding way too much.

So yes, I should be thankful with what I already own. God Knows all, remember? All in due time.

Good things come to those who wait. If it's destined to be mine, then it is only a matter of time.

Current Music: No Surprise - Daughtry

Random Oops!

I think I might have xenophobia, of all things. Maybe it's the body odour or something.

Still, considering I don't know the person at all, I might be too judgmental. Maybe it doesn't matter for the time being.

After all, I have a bigger fish to fry, rather than to let a small issue bug me.

On a side note, Forensic Medicine is cool. It might be in my Top Ten List of Specialties to be considered to take later on.

Current Music: No Surprise - Daughtry

a tribute to yao?

...testing, aru! After 5 long years of silence.

Looking Back

Going back to school just for a brief moment made me think about people (not that I don't do it at other times, but hey...it's my history). Once upon a time the juniors were nice to seniors only because they have to, and it really shows now that I'm out of the school. It is human, nothing anyone can do about it...

Just A Friendly Neighbourhood Advice

Dear people of the world,

PLEASE STOP DOING IDIOTIC THINGS.

It's terribly destructive, highly infectious, and...utterly unbecoming. Real uncool, guys.

There's enough of the existing stupidities to last us for generations. No need for more contribution in your part, thanks.

Honestly. Keep the stupid away from me. I'm already on the path to self-destruction and I don't need any help on that AT ALL.

Current Music: Psychological Recovery...6 Months - Sherlock Holmes OST

P/s: Solve this if you can; I'm bored, but am too lazy to do anything - not even the ones I had been dying to start on or complete last week (during my revision week - which were actually whims designed to take my mind off studying; A form of escape, I reckon...).

A Concise Message

To those who have nothing better to say but they still opened their damned big mouths anyway:

SHUT UP, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Current Music:That's What You Get - Paramore

Warui

I'm sure you know of a song called Sorry Seems to be The Hardest Word.

For those who know me, I may seem as one who apologises profusely and easily - when it comes to puny matters. Not during an argument in which I am fairly certain that I am right and hence see it as having the rights to be obstinate in not acknowledging my faults. In such cases, there's no way in hell am I going to say I'm sorry.

Maybe I should just forget about this "sorry" business.

Just use the word when it comes to professionalism. No more.

And of course, downsize my ego by a few notches and admit I'm wrong when there is no doubt that I am.

And one more thing...I really must stop nagging people...considering that I myself absolutely hate it when I am being nagged.

Current Music:Song for Gaza - Michael Hearts

Pfft

Clash of the Hormones. Possible outcome when two women collide...although for each her raging hormones may be for different reasons; i.e. PMS vs peri-menopausal.

Sigh.

I'm sick of this conflict, of being resented and resenting. And for getting frowned at and nagged for at least being more considerate than a few others who probably deserve it more than I do.

Stupid ego, try to stoop down a little bit!

Current Music:The Big Bang Theory Theme Song - Barenaked Ladies

In Which I Rant as I Like to

...And, as such, will be incoherent until the end. WHO THE EFF SAID/INSINUATED THAT BEING A KLUTZ IS AN ENDEARING TRAIT DESERVES TO TRIP AND LAND WITH HIS/HER FACE DOWN INTO A REALLY YUCKY PUDDLE. Also, while we're at it...Eff you, SMeyer, for screwing up with women's fantasies and their ideas of a decent romance story.

When am I going to really start on my report? I know I promised myself it will be today, but how far will I keep my word?

Why is it so hard to put faith in God? The current posting really takes the cake when it comes to one's chances that God has allocated to him/her. Pfft to self.

Get a grip, woman, for your own good.

And broadband, why so unreliable right now? Argh.

Current Music:All the Right Moves - OneRepublic

Hating to Hate

But I just can't help it. Maybe it's envy, maybe it just stems from a general discomfort with his/her behaviour.

I don't know. I'm presently in the avoidance stage, but I wonder how long it'll take until the truth is too obvious to be suppressed from her knowledge.

This is especially painful because I'd wager she considers (considered?) me as a good - or at least, reliable - friend.

Whoever said that the truth will set you free? It's eating my conscious away like it's popcorn while watching a B-grade drama.

Current Music:Affirmation - Savage Garden

If I Can Just Say It..

There are lots of things that virtue would never allow you to say. One example would be "Piss off!", another would be laced with bitter, bitter sarcasm.

Kenapa saya skema?
 Because, otherwise, I am more often than not found out. ...Still. I'm such an idiot to even hope.

Otanjoubi!

Happy birthday, Martin Freeman! Aka Dr. John Watson in BBC's Sherlock, because you make an awesome Watson, despite my initial misgivings because of, y'know, the lack of moustache.

It's sinfully addicting, the entire Sherlock fandom, and I don't want it to go anytime soon. So yeah, long live the fandom!

Oh my muses, why must you attack me with the plot when I have more important issues to deal with!?

Current Music: First Time - Lifehouse

Doomed

The current world has too many effing idiots breathing, they're comprising the brighter ones.

Humans on the brink of extinction? Humanity, yes...Humans quantitatively, probably not so - unless some power-wielding morons start throwing out the nukes or yelling out some sort of a battle cry out of prejudice or greed.

Current Music: I Like It - Enrique Eglesias featuring PitBull

Okane

I desperately need a new PDA - with a touchscreen, nothing less! - and an FM modulator.

Material things don't last. So why do I keep anchoring my love and dedication to them, when they are prone to damage? Or rather, when I'm prone to damage them?

Tsk. I should not mourn too much. Money is not too big an issue - but that's what I think for the time being.

Current Music: No Surprise - Daughtry

Testing aru!

Perhaps this means I can use this blog as well. Much like twitter, I suppose, minus all the features of "following" or "followers". All fear my attention deficit disorder!

Now, if only I can get the drop down menu to work and link properly...