shadows in the DARK ;&; turSEA//-

Friday, February 13, 2004 ;&; Fuck you

Mood: Pissed
Listening to: Dice, by hide
Plug of the Moment: Belle who has been helping me with Flinx. *glompeth*

-MESSAGE FOR THE FUCKER WHO HAS NO LIFE ENOUGH TO SPAM MY EMAIL ADDRESS, SPAM MY TAGBOARD, WRITE RUDE COMMENTS, AND FILL MY GUESTBOOK UP WITH SHIT-Lmfao not /that/ was a funny flame. I have your IP:

204.108.65.**

If anyone wants the last two digits just let me know. @@; I'm tired of fuckers like you, hope your computer crashes and dies.

I don't give a fuck about what you said about my domain. I can do whatever I want with it. However, what you said about my friends is shit. You fucking bastard, burn in hell for what you said about my friends. How /dare/ you insult them. What the hell is your problem?! So you have something against me, fine. But you don't by any means need to insult my friends because of it. People like you are cowards. Fucking cowards. Especially flamers. Flamers with no life. If you wanted to criticize me properly you'd list everything wrong, take out the swear-words, and post your email address. Leaving nasty despicable comments without an email address or site is stupid. You are a moron. A pathetic inconsiderate moron.

You said in your many fucking emails (40!) that you had no site. Then who the hell are you to criticize mine?! Go ahead, tell me my layouts suck. But first prove you can do better. If you have no site you probably haven't the slightest clue how to make a layout. You probably don't even know what HTML is, you dumbass.

And my name is Shiz. Call me it properly you piece of shit. I'm not the shit here; shit is worthless; shit is the idiot with no life who contacts some random person in every way possible just to insult them. If your insults had a basic point maybe I'd take them personally. But eh, all I see you as is one of the 6 billion people on this planet. Nothing more. Get a life, get a site, make a layout, get friends instead of insulting mine, and /then/ we'll talk.

And that goes for any other fucker reading this. If you dare insult my friends, any of you, you will face the music. I hate people who insult my friends. Hate hate hate hate. Fuck you bastard, FUCK YOU. -/END FUCK YOU-NESS-

One of their messages (in my guestbook):

do you expect me to be able to read this shit? your site's lame! your layouts suck! go fuck a duck you lame designer. you think too highly of yourself as well and you force your friends to go to your lame domain! of all the nerve! loose that stupid ego of yers or you'll be regretting it! it's annoying, childish and just... LAME! loserr. OH! and your 404 is fuckin insulting. if you want more hits, you should change it! i mean... INSULTING THE VISITORS IS JUST ABOUT AS LOW AND STUPID ANYONE COULD GO! WHAT A FUCKIN DUMBASS! YOU LOSER N00B! LOOOOSER! N00B!

(GAAH! -TO THE FUCKER, AGAIN- You don't seem to understand the concept of GIFTS. My friend gave the domain to me as a GIFT. But as you have no friends to give you gifts, I suppose this whole concept is new to you. /-END-)

*sigh* Thanks again to all of the wonderful friends of mine who gave me support @@; You guys rawk majorly, that fucker stooped so low as to insult you guys. Goddamn bastard. Get this: they signed my guestbook with rude comments, emailed me the same email 40 TIMES, put shit on my tag-board and Haloscan, and probably did more damage. I'mma block their fucking IP. Get a life bitch.

My day sucked today. The whole day was pure annoyance. I'm pissed off at my parents and lots of people. I'm pissed off at the world. @@ My life sucks. Godamnit.

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 10:14 p.m. ;&;

Thursday, February 12, 2004 ;&; No way in HELL

Mood: In denial, surprised, sort-of-happy, yet sort-of-pissed
Listening to: hide's Junk Story CD! Yay I finally got it!
Plug of the Moment: Aseriana (<333 ^^) who affied with rocket-dive.net ^^

Omfg. You guys are not going to believe this. Once you fully digest this you are going to understand (more than you already do) why my dad just pisses me off. For the past week and a half I have been worrying my ass off over what happened to my hide CD. It was taking so LONG to ship! Today I finally approached my father to ask him to contact YesAsia and you know what?! He shrugged and walked to his desk, pulled out the CD, and said "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you but this came last week". 0o; Last week. A week of my life spent worrying over a CD that spent its time in my dad's desk. Lovely. Juuuust lovely.

But yay, hide's voice kicks ass even more on CD ^^ And I feel so happy; it's a real Jrock CD! Not just some burned low-quality mp3s. @@;

I've been working a lot on Rocket Dive lately. I added a tutorial, made a cute-ass Momiji button (!!), added more content, added 6 sister domains and 3 affies ^^;; (*needs more affies, is willing to affie with any subdomain/domain with decent layout skills; decent meaning Kaiba Corporation quality and above* Kaiba Corporation's layout sucks ass just to let you know. @@;)

I had a math quiz today. I was feeling so ready for it. But I lost all hope suddenly when he handed our last tests back, before we took the quiz. 76. Ugh. 76/100. Horrible. Ugh ugh ugh I am so disappointed in myself. The whole math quiz, I was thinking about that evil test. I thought I had gotten at least a B. Damnit. There goes my B average... @@;

Oh yeah, since everyone is posting their grades, I'll just post mine, yeah? xDD For those of you who don't know, the order of grades from best to worst at my school is: A, B, C, D, F. So here are the grades of Shiz:

Biology: A+ (w00t! Bio's a breeze for me... @@ Because me luffs it)
Spanish II: A (I am great at Spanish ^^)
Algebra II Accelerated: B (Meh. ><; B. Ugh. But you have to understand, Alg II Acc is 10th grade advanced math and I'm a 9th grader, so even tho it's just a B it's pretty good... ^^;)
History: A- (>< I hate History)
English: A- (Eh. Xx;)

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 07:01 p.m. ;&;

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 ;&; rocket dive NET is OPEN

Mood: Happy happy happy happy
Listening to: Nothing
Plug of the Moment: Mirei and Na-chan for their great help with my domain!

Rocket-dive.NET is open and I'm fucking excited! Everyone must go visit! I did so much work on it today; check out the layout! I am no longer a failure at hide layouts! YAYY! xDD The domain, 404 page, and guestbook all have hide layouts! In celebration of the name of course! And yay! I even uploaded Rocket Dive (onto Angelfire) and put it in the "You" section because that's only right... @@; Oooooh it took up like 7 MB of my 20 MB account @ Angelfire. @____@;; I also added a very long must-read biography in the Me section, you must all read it. xDD Plus I am rabidly looking for affiliates at Rocket-dive. To be an affie, you must have a domain/sub-domain. To be a sister site you must have a domain. Go apply! xDD

Err what else what else? I'm too excited to say anything! xDD Errr...

Oh yeah! I'm fucking pissed because my dad switched the channel so instead of taping InuYasha last night, I taped CNN. God daaaamn! It is so unpleasant to see John Kerry's large-ass head on the screen instead of InuYasha! Guys, tell me all about last night's episode!!!!!

AAAAH! *puppy face* Will y'all please affie with Rocket-Dive?...

Oooh and ooooh! I think I failed my History test yesterday. The map section. It asked "Where were the Jutes and Frisians located before they migrated to Britain. Shade in the region on your map." Shit shit shit! I had the whole of Europe to look in! I ended up shading in some random shit near current-day Italy and Germany. @@;

I have a math quiz tomorrow... aaaargh!

My "Midwinter Break" starts Friday. It ends Monday. Pah, cheap school calls a 4-day weekend our "Midwinter Break". Mehehh.

Ooh yeah, and I'd like to thank all of you for welcoming dear Sasha to the online world! xDD She's off on vacation right now, but I'm sure she was/will be touched ^^ You guys are such great friends! *huggleness*

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 03:12 p.m. ;&;

Tuesday, February 10, 2004 ;&; Yay for me

Mood: ^_________^;;
Listening to: Heart Ni Kiraboshi Sakashitare, by Tasuki! xDD From Fushigi Yuugi! *droolness*
Plug of the Moment: kick-ass Jrockness on the part of me and Mirei!

First of all everyone go visit Bit Chez, because me and Mirei made it and it kicks ass! xDD I know, such modesty. @@; But seriously, get your Jrockness there! Need more persuasion?

The layout features Gackt, Miyavi, hide, Mana, and Yukina. In the same layout. *sweatdrop* I made it. It's my first blend, and I have to admit it actually looks pretty good ^^;;; Everyone go see and sign the guestmap! Bwaaaa!

Rocket-dive.net is coming along! I did the easy part. What's the easy part?

Making the layout, coding the layout, creating the content.

So what's the hard part? Uploading it all onto FTP! GAAAAH! My FTP is just friggen slow! *mumbles* I think it's just Cyberpixels (hopefully temporary!) Bwaaaaa

Oh yeah. Here comes the best part of this entry!

I actually told one of my real-life friends about my online life! Woooo! xDD My friend Sasha (who is probably reading this! Narrrrf!) is great and loves animanga and stuff so I told her! I've never told anyone about my websites in the 1 1/2 years I've been making them! w000t! Feel special Sasha! xDD

(I'm going to try to convert her into a Gackt/Jrock fan too. @@ I already made her a Fushigi Yuugi fan... xDD Riiight Sasha? *sweatdrops* Just stare at the layout now, staaaare at the drooly Gackt-ness)

And yes, Na-chan and Josie I would love to affie/sister site with you once the domain gets up! xDD THIS IS SO EXCITING! *runs around screaming happily* My life is actually fun now!!!! @@;;;;;

-SNEAK PEEK- Go here to see Rocket-dive's new 404 page ^^ Yay... -/SNEAK PEEK-

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 04:22 p.m. ;&;

Monday, February 9, 2004 ;&; SHIZ HAS GOT A DOMAIN

Mood: OMIGOD
Listening to: OMIGOD!
Plug of the Moment: The sweetest bestest wonderfullest kick-assest nicest coolest person ever! <3333 Kirrieeeeee!

shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug shameless plug

Rocket-dive.net has been registered! AAAAH! OMIGOD EVERYONE GO CHECK IT OUT!!! I've only got the coming-soon page up, but AAAAAAH! *is hyperventilating*

But aaargh, my FTP fucking takes too long! @@ It takes a long time for Cyberpixels domains. @@;; Is it just my computer or is it something all of you are noticing? @@;

*sweatdrop* Anywhoo, I added a shitload of buttons already. They are transparent, except for that one shitty green/pink one that won't go transparent for me! MEEEEEHHH!

PS... are any of you domain-owners (that use Cyberpixels) willing to.. eheh... @@; help me out... *cough*howdoIcreateanemailaccount? howdoIcreatesubdomains? isyourFTPworkingwellforyou?*cough*

-HELP- For those of you who use SignMyGuestbook.com, how the hell do you move that annoying link to SMG and crap. You see, at Rocket-dive's guestbook (which I plead that you all sign and drool at the layout ^^;), that fucking thing won't go away! -/HELP-

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 05:35 p.m. ;&;

Sunday, February 8, 2004 ;&; The Jrock family log

Mood: Slightly childish
Listening to: Toxic, by Bull Shit (xDD I'm sorry but I love that song but hate her so I just had to...)
Plug of the Moment: My Jrock buddy, aka Mirei. @@

As you may or may not know (from the last entry), Gackt is my father. @@; And Mana is my mother. @@;;;; Mirei and I found this hilarious. So (adding dear hide as my brother) we had a series of strange emails and... err... just read... (Mirei, I just had to post this. Xx;) In italics is what Mirei thought up, in bold is me...

-EDIT- Mirei has posted the Jrock family log at her site, everyone go read it and laugh your ass off, and check back for updates! -/EDIT-

-/END RANDOM STUPIDITY- xDD Interesting... Xx; But as I told Mirei, if Gackt was my father, we'd have an incest problem (*drools*) @@;;

Even funnier, if possible, Mirei has Gackt as her father, according to her Jrock family test. *sweatdrop* Gackt's been sleeping around... @@;

But then again, Mirei's boyfriend is MIYAVI!!! Damnit I tried so hard to get a hawt boyfriend, using names like "Shizu" "Shizuka" "Serenity" "Shizukani" and more and Mirei gets Miyavi. Aieeeeee!

-EDIT- Mirei found the funniest Miyavi pic. xDD Everyone go see, bwaaaaaaaaaa *glompeth Miyavi* -/EDIT-

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 10:30 a.m. ;&;

Saturday, February 7, 2004 ;&; Holy fuck

0___0 Just had to post this...

Jrock Family by esneka
Name
Favourite Colour
Your Mother is	Mana (Ex-Malice Mizer)
Your Father is	Gackt
Your Brother is	Ryutaro (Plastic Tree)
Your Boyfriend is	Sanaka (Fatima)
Your Best friend Is	Yura (Psycho le Cemu)
Your Pet is	Emiru (Lareine)

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Gackt is my father?! Scary. @@ Even scarier: Mana is my mother?!?! Wooooaah, wait a sec. If Gackt is my father and Mana is my mother...

*is scarred for life* Daaaamn...

*sweatdrop* *suddenly pictures Gackt pushing Chibi-Shiz on swing* *suddenly imagines Mana changing Chibi-Shiz's diaper* *suddenly imagines Gackt and Mana singing Chibi-Shiz a lullaby* *~~suddenly imagines Mana breastfeeding~~* @________@;;;;;;;

Oh yeah, there's something wrong with the code @@; So if you want to take it, go here

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 06:43 p.m. ;&;

Saturday, February 7, 2004 ;&; Keh

Mood: Strangely enough, I have no mood. @@; I can't tell if I'm mad or sad or happy or whatever. @@;;;;
Listening to: Meccha Hajikete Gattsu Tobashite, by THTC of Fushigi Yuugi (Tamahome, Hotohori, Tasuki, Chichiri)
Plug of the Moment: Aseriana who complimented my Gaku layout even tho hers are like 10x better. @@; *poketh*

I applied for two fanlistings:

Fushigi Yuugi: Rivalries: Tamahome vs. Tasuki

Fushigi Yuugi: Songs: Meccha Hajikete Gattsu Tobashite

xDD As you can tell, they are both Fushigi Yuugi. @@;

Ooooh I demand that all of you people download Meccha Hajikete Gattsu Tobashite. Why? Because it's funny and sexy. Why the hell is it sexy? Because it's the kind of song where you can just imaging Tamahome, Hotohori, Tasuki, (and even tho I don't consider him hawt) Chichiri dancing shirtless. @@; Which is very cool. xDD They are 3 of the hawtest bishies + 1 of the cutest. So the song is great. And plus they have sexy voices. @@ Especially Tasuki and Tamahome. The song lyrics are pretty funny. The title translates to "Really Fired Up and Shooting Guts". xDD Get the picture?

Hmmm I read more manga in the past week. First I read the first Love Hina graphic novel. It was pretty good. xDD But I was reading it in school and there's a shitload of nudity so that was... interesting... @@;

I also read a Korean manhwa called I.N.V.U. (I envy you). The art isn't that great so I thought it would be crappy, but it's actually really good. It had me hooked! I was more interested in it then I was interested in Fushigi Yuugi, Ayashi no Ceres, and all those other great mangas. There are 4 books in the series, 3 of which have been released. I recommend you all look at it, and don't be turned off by the beginning, it gets very good. ^^

Okay, I'm on a Kouga-deficiency. I don't get enough Kouga nowadays! xDD Damnit Kouga show up in another Inu-Yasha episode soon before I explode! @@;

My hide CD was finally shipped on like Wednesday or Tuesday or something, so it should be coming within the next few days. Hopefully ^^

Hmmmm... what else to rant about? Oh yeah! *points to her affiliates section* I added a buncha great affiliates/link exchanges ^^

And most importantly, I moved my Ayame + Shigure listing! And converted it to PHPFanbase! All thanks to dearest Na-chan! *glompeth* Thanks to her, my listing actually looks good and my life is tons easier! I actually understand PHPFanbase now! Somewhat. Xx;

Bwaaaaahz! I can't stop saying "Keh" now. xDD Too much Inu-Yasha in the past week. I say "Keh" for everything. Online and in real life. *laughs stupidly*

Oh yeah, as you noticed, there wasn't a single depressing thing about this entry! Hell yeah! Tho I'm still rather pissed and upset, I'm slowly recovering! Yay ^^ And I'd like to uber-glomp Kira for this luffly gift:

Awwwness! xDD I forgive you Kirriee for the bi-polar thing. Xx; Even tho I wasn't really upset with that in the first place. Xx; I was too busy being upset with everything else. @@;

But eh, Chibi Seto-kun cures everything ^^

Except perhaps hunger... *schemes away to raid the refrigerador* Shit I just realized mid-sentence that I have no idea how to spell that. Refrigerador? Refridgerator? @@;;;;;;;;;; Damnit *schemes away to raid the thing where all the food goes* Keh.

-EDIT- *sweatdrop* I was trying to sign Gillian's guestmap. Xx; But it kept censoring my name. "Shiz". Damnit. That's one of the downsides of having a name that looks like "Shit". Xx; And there's always that common mispelling problem. One time I emailed someone and signed "<333 Shit". That was interesting, to say the least. @@; -/EDIT-

-EDIT 2- I joined/updated some blog crews. The two I joined are the X-Japan blog crew (as Pata!) and the Ayashi no Ceres crew as Suzumi ^^ Ooooh and I totally redid the blog crews section to make it look more unique, everyone go check it out and drool at my hard work. Xx; It took me a whole hour!! -/EDIT 2-

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 09:26 a.m. ;&;

Friday, February 6, 2004 ;&; I love my friends

Mood: In tears of happiness
Listening to: Nothing
Plug of the Moment: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3(aka last entry's luffly commenters)

Firstly, I love all of you commenters you have no idea how much better I feel now. (Well yes you do, you got an email ^^;;) Hey Sarah, gimme your email address! Xx;

Secondly, if you want to read the depression rant, it's the one after this one. It's rather frightening mind you. @@;

Thirdly, I'm still pretty depressed, just not as much.

Fourthly (is that a word?...), I changed my lookup at Neopets to a Jrock one. Click here to see a screencap but it's pretty big mind you. It features hide, Gackt, and Miyavi. xDD Sexiness. It took me a while... Xx;

Fifthly, Ragnar you downloaded hide?!?! Yay ^^ You must be converted even more! *schemes* See that link above my tagboard? Go there if you haven't already. hide mp3s galore ^^

Sixthly, let me tell you more about this layout. I would have told you more last entry but I was too depressed to. Xx; It features the luffly sexy Gackt and it's rather dark, hence the name "Shadows in the Darkness". I made a brush! xDD See those weird screwed up star things? That was all me ^^;

Seventhly, I am working on a fanfic for Joanne's fanfiction competition at the Pure Fluff Forums. xDD I'm trying my best... ^^;

Eighthly, the next person that emails me asking "Why don't you like Seto Kaiba?" is going to get their ass kicked. Do I look like I don't like Seto Kaiba? Do you think that I just run a Seto Kaiba fansite, have the last name of Kaiba, and named my blog "Turmoil Seahorse" for nothing?! Dumbasses!

Ninthly, I have a snow day and you don't. XP No school for moi. Bwahahahaha...

Tenthly, I shalt go watch my newly taped InuYasha eppys from last night and the night before. Baii

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 09:38 a.m. ;&;

Thursday, February 5, 2004 ;&; Nothing can console me

Mood: Depressed, in tears, sobbing, etc.
Listening to: Nothing, too busy sobbing
Plug of the Moment: No one

The ONE good happy part of this entry: New layout.

Now for the sad stuff...

Why'd I change the layout? Firstly, Xx; I miss having Baku here. Xx; *poketh Baku to come baaack now*

Also, about the layout, I made it dark. That's how I feel now. Sad and depressed.

I'm crying now. Hysterically. I can barely type. I've fixed quite a few typos so far.

Here's what happened:

Remember that English paper? I've been wasting my past week away to do it. I've been getting 4-6 hours of sleep a day for the past week just to do it. I've been doing poorly in all my other subjects (*sweatdrop* Poor for me is a "B" (80/100)...) just to do this one fucking essay. It was due today. I was going to add my finishing touches yesterday. I had saved it on a fucking floppy disk.

The fucking floppy disk doesn't work anymore. Meaning, I lost my English essay. 10 pages of elaborate work. 5 hours a day for 8 days; 40 hours of work. Lost. Like that. It's not even my computer. The floppy doesn't work anywhere. I can't believe it. In the past 24 hours I've cried more than I've ever cried in my life. I sobbed for three hours yesterday. I cried to sleep. I broke down in tears in English class today. The whole class saw. And my teacher.

Normally I'd be embarassed. To cry in front of everyone like that. But I'm too depressed to be embarassed. I wouldn't even be cheered up if I got every single Jrock CD in existence. Nothing will make me feel better, you can try, but I'll still be depressed. It's too much for my already-stressed self to handle. I put my heart and soul in that one fucking essay. Only to lose it.

I'm angry. How is it that I lost so much of my life in this one essay? A week of my life, just torn away like that. Because of it. I can't stand it anymore.

If my mother hadn't walked in on my crying yesterday, I might have even considered suicide. I know I'm scaring you now, I'm scaring myself. There's one thing you guys can never understand about me since we've never met face to face.

The fact that I am not very emotionally stable. At all. I think I've told you before that I was considering that horrible horrible thing they call suicide. But then I laughed it off, I told you I'd never do such a thing, I told you something inside of me always prevented it.

But I was so scared yesterday. So afraid. Of myself. I would have done something rash, I know it. Thank God for my mother. Thank God she came when she did. Maybe I wouldn't have killed myself. But I might have cut myself, and that's what scares me most. The fact that now, even I am losing control of myself. I can't stand myself anymore. It's alarming and frightening.

Oh God, why does everything always happen to me?! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking computer!

I hope you guys won't have to go through this much stress ever. What I'm feeling now is pure pain. Everything makes me cry now. I used to laugh. A lot. Before this fucking essay. I used to laugh at everything. I miss that. I miss that light-hearted fluffy feeling. I feel all alone and left out and taken advantage of now. Every negative feeling I've been harboring all this time is suddenly coming back at me.

My parents are worried. They've been pressuring me to go to a psychologist for the past month. But I'm not. *mumble mumble* I'm not going crazy!

But don't worry about me, you guys. About suicide I mean. I won't. I can't. I will not. I'll never. I promise you guys I won't do anything crazy. Crazy in a bad way I mean. *sweatdrops* Don't think I mean I'm going to be perfectly sane now either? I mean, when is the last time you've seen me totally sane?

The answer: you haven't.

Why am I telling you this? Why am I telling you all this stuff that I've never even told my parents?

The truth is, I trust you guys. More than I've trusted anyone. Feel special, without you Shiz would be a wreck.

Oh God this entry is depressing. But me losing that essay was like Seto Kaiba losing his Blue Eyes White Dragon. Like Tasuki losing his harisen. Like Kyo losing his bracelet-thing.

Like Tohru losing her virginity.

*sweatdrops and points to last sentence* My pathetic attempt at humor during these times. Eheh, *laughs stupidly* Hey, at least I'm laughing slightly. Not really, only my online side is laughing. Xx;

Err, but I am proud of myself for one thing. Notice this layout's CSS.

It's different than my usual. *grins feebly*

Okay then, Shiz is signing out. I love you all lots, without you guys I'm betting the last of my sanity would have died by now.

(What sanity?!?!?!?!)

-EDIT- Shiz is feeling better but aaaaah! When I made this layout I accidentally forget to add my newly-added loved ones! *freaking out* Errr, Aya, Tracy, Mirei... *thinks* and anyone else I forgot, if you were in that section and aren't now, gomen nasai I still luff you and I'm gonna try to add you all back now! Xx; -/EDIT-

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 04:27 p.m. ;&;

Thursday, February 5, 2004 ;&; asdasdas

new layout in a sec, don't comment on this one I'll be right back...

Shiz lost herself in the darkness at 04:25 p.m. ;&;