We finally had our overnight for GSP! But it may as well be the first and last time we're going to do that. Such a tiring activity but I guess worth every while. Staying up until 5 am just to conduct a bravery and and all. Oh,  I hope we'd have something again..

Gilbert wasn't allowed to stay inside the campus, but I really bet he really could help. After all, he WAS a CAT officer. Instead, our scout master allowed Jerico and a few other BSP staff to help us. Although I don't really feel ok with Jerico at close proximity at least everything went well. I don't really know why I can't talk to him inside class but last night seemed ok. He was somehow engaging in short conversations with me and at around dawn, he even sat beside me when we were watching the old building with the others. I was already very groggy by then.

I felt something different. I swear I did and I could tell it was something that I am not familiar with. It wasn't supposed to be there and gawd, you wouldn't imagine how ironic and weird I would be. By 2 am, Kylie and I went to check up on the sleeping others when she said she wanted to tell me something.  I thought she was just going to tell me some scary story so I told her to shut it for later. But when I asked about it again, it wasn't what I expected. It turns out we are having the same feeling! I even told my other staff member, Jean, earlier that night that and she said, "OMG, please no.. Harriette, no. Don't. Just don't." Kylie's reaction was almost...WOW. She's like, "WTH?!! What are you-? You don't actually?!"

Oh, you get the point.

The other times before seemed nothing but this feels different. I hope it would go away soon but it seems like a coincidence that just the other night, I was thinking about situations, probably weird to those who know me. All those other times, every time I told my friend, Beo, she was the one to steer me away. She would laugh at me and then tease me. Today when I told her, she was also like, "What?! You're-?!" I guess they're realizing my seriousness, after all. I just really hope it'd would really, really, really, honto ni, go away soon.

And as a precaution, I know I shouldn't be telling this to many people. I think those people who already know, as I had told them already,  is fine with me since I trust them anyway not to tell anyone. Not a soul. Oh gawd, this is so confusing I need to think. I need to sleep.

I realize how everything could go wrong with one mistake. I didn't know why I did what I did, but it's there, I can't change it. No matter how many times I screw time. I can't hate it. I just feel stupid.

True they tell Pride is the most useless asset. So I have this very big and humungous pride and it's useless. Don't you just hate it? I am the very epitome of pride. An exact image and replica. And people hate me for it. Well, let's give myself some crap and get down to details. My family hates me. I did something bad (I won't tell or you'll just scoff and snicker at me, then let me hear I'm a black sheep, evil child for the hundredth time). I don't feel bad about the things I hear from them, it just doesn't feel anymore. I'm so humiliated though, I don't know how the hell am I going to pick myself up.

I didn't sleep last Sunday. A straight no sleeper. And when I thought I'd be ok the next day, I was hoping I could get to sleep enough, that's when things start to get bitter. With one mistake. I hate myself more. I was about to collapse yesterday but thank my God I didn't. But that didn't invite any pity anyway.

Bethany had once said that I have the most beautiful hazel eyes she's seen and on another time, she said that she likes looking into my eyes. Twice today, Ray had said to me, "Ang cute ng eyes mo pag mapungay" and "Ang cute talaga ng eyes mo today". People notice my eyes. But right now, I'm thinking, don't they just know how much I hurt people who love me with these eyes? I haven't slept for one day straight and I cried too much last night, maybe that makes all that. My eyes for sadness. Hah. How cheesy. I myself hate it.

I called Jean through my cellphone, I spent all my load, last night. I need someone to talk to. It came as a surprise to her when I was crying on phone but of all people, she alone made me feel better and understand me, she said everything would be alright. She hugged me first thing in the morning.

All this facade, I hope people knew. I wish people knew. Then you'd hate me too.  At least you know. I'm content enough staying in school and my deepest wish right now, would be to stay there for a while until everything's alright. Lolz, people make me happy. My ultimate crush made me very happy today. My classmates make me happy. All of them, for appreciating me for who I am. :D You guys are the best.

Few people seem to visit now. :( Why is that? Is everyone really that busy? Or is it that my life has been degraded to the word Boring? (Like I'm not) Eeee~ I like that song, although I've never really watched the TV show (coz I never watch anyway). Allow me the sentimental feeling just once.

I finished reading the Brain Droppings book ages ago that I mentioned. Now, I had also finished the Da Vinci Code book today. Boy, am I happy. I've been waiting for ages! I need to return it soon, but I really promise myself I'm going to buy one, along with the 2nd part. By the way, I must warn DEVOUT CATholics who haven't read it yet, Do not read it or whatever. On the doubtful side, I'm still researching about the Priory of Sion and anything related. It's true to its word too, thrilling and suspenseful. You'll find yourself jumping a mile high. ROFL. Hardy har. Anyway, DAN BROWN RAWKS MY SAWKS!

My legs still effing hurt from the 100 pumpings as punishment that I received and I can't climb stairs, I can't walk properly, I can't stand up, how the hell am I even going to run?!

I drove our van when we got home from the chapel. The Toyota Lucida one and boy, you wouldn't imagine how long it was. A short distance. Mum wanted us to learn how to drive badly. Pops was teaching me how and thank God we went home fine. XD. My mum kept cursing and shouting directions behind me, that I even shouted "Hey! I'm just starting ok??!" Pfft, she wanted me to drive in the first place. It's hard to control the first time and besides, I can't see what's in front >_<. Oh I want to learn how to drive now! RARARA~

Pops, on the other hand, wanted me to try out his motorcycle, given it's new and it has gears(?), I don't know how to use it. I only drive ordinary scooters/motorbikes whatever, and I almost hit a truck and a car.

Wow. It said I have unlimited internet access. Wow. Mum said that. It's on the PLDT rarara. It says unlimited. It better be true. XD

MAGMAHAL MULI
by: Sam Milby & Say Yutadco
from Pinoy Big Brother


Umaasang magmamahal muli
Ang buong akala ko’y siya na
Kabiguan ang napala
Paghilom ng puso’y hindi madali
Ang malamang mahal mo’y
Walang pag ibig sayo

Ang umasang magmahal muli
Siyang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag-ibig
Ito’y darating
Ito’y darating
Ito’y darating sayo

Hanggang sa tayo’y matuto
Sa kabiguan natamo
Kaya ako ay maghihintay
Sa tunay kong mahal
Isipin ang bukas at kalimutan ang nakalipas

Ang umasang magmahal muli
Siyang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag-ibig
Ito’y darating sayo
Aking naranasan
Ohhhhhhh
Ang pagluha ng tulad sa ulan

Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Siyang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito’y darating
Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Siyang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito’y darating
Ito’y darating
Ito’y darating sayo

Ohhhhhhh…..ito’y darating sayo

 

"I can't see, fuck mook, I have no eyes." - Sands (Johnny Depp) in Once Upon A Time in Mexico. Don't you just love this line? Although I can't figure out what 'mook' might probably mean.

Ok, no I'm not negative, I'm quite all right. Just because I cursed doesn't mean I'm all depressed, I'm actually on the contrary. I must have really hung up on the book I was reading, Brain Droppings by George Carlin, which I borrowed from a half-asleep classmate. It has lot of good words like, fcuk, fcuk and fcuk on every page. Kind of gets you on the mood every time. I'm surprised America haven't retched him out yet. He's like the American version of Bob Ong. I feel as if I'm really sounding American. God, I'm absorbing his style of writing!

Please find the heart to forgive me for the raving, infatuated, vain, girlish, un-ME ranting that I did in my last entry. At least now, I accept I lost and I can endure all the knowing smiles Beth and Gabbie gives me. I'm still crazy about him but I'm not as expecting and I could care less whether he notices me or not. (More like HiyonoxIvan. TO HIYONO: GAWD SIS! I CAN"T BELIEVE WE"RE THINKING THE SAME THING! I WAS ABOUT TO USE YOU AND IVAN WHEN YOU ACTUALLY MENTIONED IT.) And actually, we've gotten close. Isn't that ironic when I'm trying to avoid him? Isn't that just great? It feels good to be crazy about someone every once in a while and somehow,  the feeling of being infatuated doesn't hurt. It's so amusing. Although, I don't want him to know. The last time my crush found out, I locked myself up in the girl's bathroom.

We've been doing profiles for the yearbook (I can't actually believe I'm graduating!). And I've done Shara's and Jed's, contributed partially to Beo, Justin, Wences and Kuya Kevin. Mine was mostly done by Jed, added by Rizza, Kuya Kevin and Vic. I don't know why I exchanged with Jed since I just met him and he just met me, and all the other years of his existence and my existence doesn't count before we met. But don't you find it extremely novelty to see yourself in other people's eyes? I knew I should have let my really close friends do this but I think I just trusted him enough to actually let him handle my yearbook description. And we've done justice I think. :D

I especially liked the one my play-pretend brother Kuya Kevin gave me, "Uhhmm... c haryet ay 1. makulet 2. snobbish? 3. mabait 4. masayahin. Love ko 2 kaya dapat love rin nia ko. Unang kita ko pa lang dito ang sungit sungit but as time passes by, aba, ang bait-bait pla... haiz.. hehe. " It sounded something straight out of a Friendster Testimonial.

I threatened a bitchy Freshman in my school that goes by the name of Richelle I-don't-give-an-effing-care-what-your-surname-is-but-the-next-time-I-see-you-around-you're-as-good-as-dead. Honestly! The effing carcass-looking neophyte has no respect when we had meeting behind the school buildings, punishing Juniors. She keeps on poking her humungous head outside their room window and Faye and I had to go scare her pitiful life. The next time she does that, I'm really telling her off. It's my last year at this school, I better do something I haven't done before (like perhaps shove her uglee face in the boys' toilet. That ought to do justice).

I feel like going on a BIG HIATUS because I've nothing to rant about. Haha. This is long because I wouldn't be updating regularly but I think every once in a blueish white moon. Read, comment, show love and make me happy coz you'll be missing me for sure. :X Long POSTS RAWK!

I just went home from Gelo's birthday party and yes, I know it's late. I didn't even expect my mom to allow me to stay for 8 past, and it's already 10. It was fun playing duel (with toy guns and I lost like a jabillion times. I never won), Patintero (we never won too) under the moonlight and playing truth or dare. It's just like, wow. I am happy.

And he was there. Ahem, he was. My ultimate crush? And *cough* he never paid attention to me. Or he did until some girls from  other class came and *cough*. Well. He like, didn't notice I'm *cough* there. I don't understand why he is such a big deal anyway. He was one of those guys I'd hate because they look good, *coughSEXYcough* and annoyingly popular with the opposite sex. And I concocted this idea (which is probably true) that he wouldn't like a girl unless they are ultimately, gorgeously, undeniably, beautifully beautiful and brainless. He is just so impossible.

I am probably right now over-reacting coz he was nothing compared to what happened *cough*. And what had happened last year *cough*, is something that I am truly trying to avoid. He was that, just that, plain crush. He was something not worth falling over by ordinary girls like me. Honestly, I've never met anyone so impossible, someone who I couldn't charm with my attitude, forget the looks. And I thought that *cough* was impossible. It's just so annoying. He looks so darn good and sexy I hate him. It's just like physical attraction anyway. Have you ever thought anyone was really *coughsexycough*? I just hate him more.

He is the reason why the hellish one-week bet craphole shit started anyway. And I lost because I just couldn't get hold of myself. I have to pay that strawberry and chocolate cake to Bethany and Gabbie on Monday. I can't believe I lost and I can't accept I lost. God, whatever happened to that strong resolve that I'm holding?

Make things worst with Bethany coming up with an annoying phrase like, "I think he likes you." It's the last thing I want to hear. And I will reason out that, no he doesn't (insert witty words here). And Gabbie saying something intelligible but unreasonable at the same time, "Well, he's the one who comes to you most of the time. And you've gotten so close, you're sweet." Expect me to die.

Bethany: You lost.
Riette: Fine, I did.
Gabbie: Yes, strawberry cake on Monday!
Riette: Fine. Whatever. I don't care anyway.
Bethany: Then why are you smirking?
Riette: *shrug*
Bethany: You're blushing.
Riette: ... I JUST CAN'T ACCEPT I LOST!!!

He's just so near every time. How am I going to deal with that? I can't concentrate. The only solution that I think will help me is to really hate him. BUT HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO THAT? I can't find the urge to hate him even when he showed his butt to me and said I was lucky for seeing it, even when he shows me his eeky spit (which is really abominably eeky, I'm sure), when he pets my head and then pretend to wipe it somewhere as if it's somethind unutterly disgusting, and when he poses this stupid macho things in front of me. I'm not exactly falling for him right? Oh ewww. He is using me, he is definitely using me. I have to stop thinking about him and play more Series of Unfortunate events.

I don't know what he sees with girls less sexier than me anyway. >:P

--  @ 10.30 pm

So my ultimate crush right now said to me that I'm cute two times though I really don't think half of it is even true. He just used to that pranks with me. I asked him whether he smokes or not and he said yes, I really didn't think it was too much of a big deal until when we went to get the pictures developed that they went home and when I turned to look at him, he was already smoking one. Ah, my heart sank a little, a part of me wanted to tell him to stop it but instead blurted out "An early smoke, huh?" Who the fcuk am I to tell him that? Anyway, good thing I realized my place and shut my mouth. But my heart really sank, I don't know why it's such a big deal anyway.

I'm inwardly depressed although I'm happy because Bethany and I had a good talk about things and people. It's just good to know things you haven't known before. Ha, you idiotic people. You really didn't think I would know right? Well, I knew. So tainted. Very tainted. Oh I so hate you right now. Or do I?

I'm leaving for real right now and I might not come back. It's really time to move on right now although I feel a slight twinge of pain. Somehow, all those times doesn't seem to count. I'm just a stuck-up, that's all. And I'm really leaving for good. Argh.

Bethany is sweet talking me to draw yuri. The first one was posted at my account at minitokyo/deviantart and the 2nd one is on-progress featuring Bethany herself and *coughmecough*.

I feel really stinky right now, my back and neck hurts like hell from sitting since 8 am in front of the computer up to present time which is 1.34 pm. My brother has been inviting me to watch BECK since yesterday but I'm not really in the mood because I am reading mangas. I've managed to read Eden no Hana, Power! and a one shot Boy&Girl.

If only mangas aren't expensive, I wouldn't worry about it being licensed. I just found out that Power! was also entitled Girl Got Game. And it's freaking licensed already! Now that I'm already getting to the good part! It's about a girl who crossed-dressed as a guy to enter a high school basketball team because his father wanted too. I wouldn't spoil it to much because for the following reasons;

1) I don't think I could explain it well enough.
2) I would end up just raving like the lunatic fan girl that I am.
3) I'm just going to end up having a nose bleed because once again I fell in love in something inanimate and I can't accept it (it's freaking licensed for God's sake!). and lastly
4) It's really hurting me to know that I won't be knowing in my entire lifetime what happened to the characters. :(

So let's just not talk about it. :( On other points, I'm downloading Volume 3 of Youth Gone Wild. I have forgotten where I last left off so I guess I'll just reread the manga from the start.

School's going to start tomorrow, don't you just hate it? Duh. I'm leaving in a small amount of time. The school had become a wretched place to be. I'd have to cope up for a little time then I'm going to college away from all those people I used to know. Oh the drama.

I placed the archive for Willy Wonka temporarily, look at my navi if you're interested in reading my previous entries for something juicy. /wink/ I'm planning on starting an art journal anytime in the future, I just don't have something to place in it. Oh yay! I've learned to control the drawing tablet now, and I'm yey happy. Although the line art is improving, the coloring had dropped off to some level again. So annoying.

I want to learn my Japanese again so maybe I could buy raw manga's and I'd understand it because maybe it will cost cheaper. I'm so desperate. Noo.. Manga is just the center of my fandom world now, what should I DOOOOOO!!!!

By the way, I know some of you have been wondering what is the meaning of HoityToity, look at the navi too, I've managed to check out out it's origin. I've placed the source too.

Welcoming Committee: Yes hello, welcome to the new layout featuring Ichimaru Gin love. Iced blue, isn't it? Quite used, I must admit since it has got to be the commonest color I know and I gave up my love for blue along time ago but who can resist? Anyone? Anyway on with the tour.

Layout featuring Ichimaru Gin from bleach; 3rd Division Captain, former lieutenant of Aizen Sousuke, suspected murderer of Aizen-taichou, sly, cunning, always smiling, devilishly handsome and deadly. Images from Graceful-Lament.com (Bleach 2006 Calendar) and me for the screenshots. Made with Adobe Photoshop and Microsoft FrontPage as the usual. Brushes are from Truly-Sarah.com, commenting tool from Haloscan.com. Hosted at Pitas.com. This blog is running for 1 year and 9 months. XD

I had a hard time combining the colors, backgrounds, effects and images on this one because I was experimenting. I am trying to come up with a different background and layer blending like the ones that I am seeing from the avatars.  I guess it has something to do with putting up an entirely different image on the whole canvas to get that nostalgic effect. Like wow.

Anyway, I hope you're enjoying the new layout, simple as it may. Happy New Year everyone! A prosperous 2006 for us all!