JOURNAL;
FRIDAY, AUGUST 30, 2002
I went to Winn-Dixie today. I called my best friend Sue and we talked for a while. Apparently, my call came up as "Colorado Call" on her Caller ID, and the last time I called, it came up as "Nebraska Call". Go figure, eh?
We talked for a while. About me moving back up, and how me and she's gonna help me crusade around Evanston and Chicago looking for an affordable apartment and a good job. We've also come to the decision that we're going to take a train or a bus to New Orleans in February for Mardi Gras. So that will be fun.
Other than that, I haven't been up to much. I started a savings account. I'm going to put $25-$50 in it every time I get a pay check. That way I'll actually save the money, and it can go towards expenses like gas, hotel, food, and such. I'm cutting it a bit close, though. I had to tell the apartment manager's office that I would be paying rent a day late. (Which is all right because I let them know, and both the manager and the assistant manager are my friends, heh heh heh.)
That's basically it for me. Everyone have a good Labor Day, and drive safe.
Sable
MONDAY, AUGUST 26, 2002
It's been a long, long time since I've last updated this thing. Oh well. I didn't feel like going to LSU for a long time. I don't know how much more I'm gonna want to come here now, considering the traffic on Highland Rd. is worse than traffic in Chicago after a Cubs game lets out and during Greek Fest. I mean, Jesus Christ. Half the people probably don't even need to be driving. Ugh. They all annoy me. (But then again, if it were up to me, only I and a few select people of my choice would be allowed to drive.)
Anyhow...
As of now, life sorta sucks. There's been some good points.
Like, I got my hair dyed black. Jet black. I was watching Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and was admiring the brilliance of John Cusack's hair color. So, I went and got my hair dyed as close to it as I could. The bad part? It ended up costing $98. (Yes, I did check for costs and compared to different places - they told me it was only going to be $35-$40 over the phone. However, this is the best dye job I ever had - professionally.)
I had a good job for a while. It paid $7 an hour, and I cleaned apartments. Ok, so cleaning apartments sucked and the job was temporary.
I've also called the school in Minneapolis about training to get into the Air Traffic Control field. The lady never seems to be at her desk or she's always on the other line. I've called twice and left two messages, both including my name and address. I have yet to see anything in the mail. I'll try again some other time, I guess.
The incredibly horrible thing about me is that I get so downhearted so easily. The lady wasn't at her desk or was on the other line twice, and I already just want to give up. (I'm not mad or anything, unlike when it comes to driving, I don't think I'm the only person in the world.)
*sigh* Anyhow...
More bullshit with Chris. But what else can be expected?
First, this guy Sean comes around after not coming over for a while. He tells me that Chris is only using me for a place to stay (and yet, he does pay rent), that he would say anything to me to continue having a place to stay, and blah blah blah. I don't really believe him, but then, I sort of do, you know? We have a long talk about it, and Sean stays the night. (No, nothing happens.) He leaves the next morning saying he'll "be right back" because he agreed to take a look at my car later that day. He never comes back, and I have yet to see or hear from him. (I'd like it to stay that way.)
Chris comes home after being gone for some time. (Partly what influenced my belief that he was just using me - though, I never took into account that he could have been working. And when he works, he stays at a friend's house. And that's where he was, what he was doing, and the reason why he hadn't been over in such a long period of time.) I confront him about what Sean said, and he gets extremely angry about it. (Something he can't be blamed for.) He tells me that he isn't using me and that he does honestly care about me, and blah blah blah and that he wants to beat the shit out of Sean. And turns out Sean is just a liar and a user. (That I do believe for more reasons that I won't be getting into here - not because of anything Sean's done to me, but because it's too tedious to list.)
I believe Chris when he says that he isn't using me. He pays his share and everything. Y'all can argue it all you want, I believe him because I was there and you weren't.
On to more drama with Chris that actually involves just him and me...
After the argument over what Sean did, we had another argument. (Actually, it was a little before, because it was what started it, but then it was more afterwards.) Remember what he did to me a while ago, with that other girl? (See the archives for the month of July.) Well, apparently they broke up or whatever. Now, he's going out with some other girl, and she lives in Florida! He's all telling me that he is happy with this long distance relationship, that he's going to visit her in Florida, and that he "wants to spend the rest of his life with her". (I bet the worn out pair of sandals I'm wearing right now lasts longer than that relationship.)
Fuck him. He can go to hell. He's going to be sorry he never gave me a chance, because I have been extraoridinarily good to him. He doesn't even deserve the goodness I've been to him. But he blew it now. I'm only going to continue letting him stay with me because he helps with the rent, and I need the help.
The thing that shits me, is that he made me think I had some sort of chance with him. And maybe I did. When I told him that I might go to Minneapolis, Minnesota to go to school, he told me that he was happy for me, but that it would "cancel out any chance of us getting together". Why? Because he could never live too far from his family, that he had tried once, but he got homesick. I respect that. But what the fuck? Dating some girl in Florida? Well, good luck to them. (Again, I bet the worn out pair of sandals I'm wearing right now lasts longer than their relationship.)
I've come to a decision in my life - not relating to Chris. I've decided I'm going to move back north in December. I'm going to stay down here for three months to save up some money and get all my eggs in a row. Then, I'm going to stay with my mom and stepdad in Wisconsin. Then, I'm going to move to Evanston or Chicago, Illinois.
It's not that I don't like Louisiana. I do. Louisiana is a beautiful, wonderful, great state. It really is. I highly recommend that people at least visit it once in their lives. I've had a great experience living in Louisiana. I've learned a lot. I've had a lot of fun. I've met some good people and some bad people. I've gotten to see a whole different side of the United States - which is what I set out to do. I wanted to, initially, experience life outside the Midwest at least once in my life, and not a vacation sort of thing. I wanted to experience living outside the Midwest. However, I, like Chris, am a bit homesick. I don't miss Wisconsin for a second. (Though, I do miss northeastern Illinois - go figure.) I miss my family and friends. I do miss certain things about the area, too.
That is, essentially, all that has gone on lately.
Sable
FRIDAY, AUGUST 9, 2002
It's been a while, I know. It's been hard getting to LSU. Not to mention, they've been closing their library down early since summer school is out.
My car's muffler fell off. Whoopie doo. My friend Randy took me to Auto Zone to get a new muffler. But the guy told me my old muffler was still good. It only has to be welded back on (the pipe broke in half, I guess). He suggested I go to Meineke to get it put back on. I still have to go. *sigh* I hope it doesn't cost too much, but it probably will.
Anyhow, I've been thinking a lot lately. About a career and going to school and stuff. I mean, I can't work at Pizza Hut forever. There's more to life and to working and making a life than working at Pizza Hut. (Besides, Pizza Hut is beginning to stress me out and get on my nerves. But that drama will be saved for later when I have more time.)
I've always wanted to be an Air Traffic Control Specialist. I think it would be interesting and it will pay better than Pizza Hut. I know it's a stressful job, that air traffic controllers have the high suicide rates, high alcoholism rates, et. al. But it's still something I want to do, and somehow, I never let anything get to me or get so bad that I want to kill myself or drown myself in drinking. I couldn't even think about taking my own life - no matter how bad things got for me, nor am I big drinker. I'm not the kind of person who would ever turn to alcohol to drown out my worries. I just annoy everyone with my incessent venting. I also am far too chicken to ever actually want to kill myself - the thought of bringing such pain to myself just to get to death is unimaginable for me. I'd just quit if it got to a point that couldn't handle it anymore. (And my, wouldn't it look good on my resume!)
Though, I think the schooling will require me to move to Minnesota. They have a school there that is FAA approved. I think there are schools elsewhere, but I am most interested in going to the one in Minnesota because, if it's not in Louisiana, then I want to be closer to my orgins (which is Wisconsin, for those who don't know) and family. (Not to mention, I have a brother in Minnesota.)
Other Info & Interesting Stuff:
Air Traffic Training Division
Air Traffic Control System Command Center
Frequently Asked Questions
That's basically all for me. July wasn't the greatsest month ever. Oh well, though, eh?
Sable
ME;
sable is: 19 / female; sable lives: baton rouge, louisiana; sable likes: john cusack / joan cusack / catherine zeta-jones / tim robbins / geena davis / susan sarandon / etc.; sable watches: [tv] in the heat of the night / law & order / local news / cheesy dating shows; sable watches: [movies] high fidelity / grosse pointe blank / the sure thing / true colors / basically anything john cusack (except tapeheads) / thelma & louise / the shawshank redemption / dolores claiborne / rock 'n' roll high school / harold & maude / etc.; sable reads: downsize this! by michael moore / high fidelity by nick hornby / trainspotting by irvine welsh / dolores claiborne by stephen king / somebody to love? a rock and roll memoir by grace slick; sable eats: jambalaya / gumbo / beef strogenoff / macaroni and cheese / special k cereal / etc.; sable listens: the stooges / mc5 / ludacris / nelly / jefferson airplane / iggy pop / bruce springsteen / elvis presley / john mellencamp / missy elliott / elvis costello / lunachicks / hate dept. / j.lo / the clash / velvet underground / rem / violent femmes / dmx / david bowie / concrete blonde / fleetwood mac / patti smith group / jimi hendrix / the who / tom petty / bad religion / the beatles / etc.
ARCHIVES;
Do I Have Soul? That All Depends... (July 2002)
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