uh~uuuuuuu
(august 3rd, 7:43pm)
sound: KISOU!!! all of it!!! currently ZOMBOID! -Deg, mochiron

good actions, good karma... it all comes around. in other words, i received the copy of Kisou from Llaurie today. ^____^ waiii, she's the sweetest! and i'm currently hooked on DeG. which is goooood cuz too much hide for too long can cause... um... well, y'know.

ahhh, Kisou... *content sigh* such a complicated album. yep, mature. yep, step forward for DeG. a big one. and at the same time, it's still DEG. ^_____^ incredible band. how can they change so much, stay the same, mature and better themselves all the time?

*very content sigh* the album's two things for me: complicated (can't argue there, ne?) and emotionally charged. heavy. but in a good way.

GAH! my computer's cd player's messing up... T_T gotta go then... find the radio in my room.............

*feeling great urge to scream* argh... i'm too... too... stressed. over nothing but still stressed... T_T in reality... it's school. i'm terrified of my history teacher, i don't wanna have her again (and for a full year... T_T)... mouu... argh >.<;

did someone mention moodswings?
(august 2nd, 11:36pm)
sound: humming Coldplay, forgot title

neeeee... 'm sleepy but don't wanna go to bed yet. argh... nevermind. sometimes you get to a stage where nothing matters, nothing's important, not even the things you find important... neee... *pokes self*
maybe it'll pass... maybe i need school so that something can occupy my brain completely and stop me from pondering... "pondering life's deep meanings" ??? naah, i already came to a conclusion that life has no particular meaning. no goal either. so, either you make yourself a goal or you live without one.

pointless, ain't it? in between goals... don't know what i want, don't know what's realistic... or rather...

i feel too tired to care about... things...

can't be bothered to think
(august 2nd, 6:27pm)
sound: OEDO COWBOYS -hide

sorry, can't be bothered to think, i'm, uhh... thinking... my brain's running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
yeah, moodswings too >.<

FINALLY, Tchisa's coming over on monday... and that means i have to practice (read: open my mouth and sing something decent for the first time in a WhiLe). mouuu... damn, why do i have to be so shy? i still remember what a friend told me last year (he's a guitarist, been in a few bands): "if you're a vocalist, you HAVE to give it your everything. no being shy, quiet or uncertain. period."

somehow, every time i open my mouth i hear his words... there it goes, that feeling of inadequacy. T_T i dun wanna be shy anymoooooooore!!!

haaa *exhale* i spent the day working on a new version of my site. yeah, inspiration struck :p buu~t, this version's a lot more work cuz i'm fooling around with graphics this time. at least the layout's gonna be simpler. AND, the site will have a new and special host, hide-neko san!!! *laugh* he's fun to work with and more entertaining than a dancing Pata in a flowery dress.

P-kun, 'm going to the post office tonight ^_^

Dai-kun, you having fun playing mini-golf? *laugh* unfortunately, i WILL "put my life in the hands of a rock 'n roll band..." the cigarettes & alcohol are too tempting to miss out on *falls over*
by the wayyyy, when are you coming bAcK???

Nee-chan *glopmtacklesqueeze* i mis yuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! and i carnt spelllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!! seriously though, you ok?

*starts twitching* have to go... uh... move... it's 37 degrees with the humidity factor right now *melts into bubbly pink wax* but i need to... yeah!

jaa~! gotta go pick some raspberries (ok... HOW do you spell this??? O.O) in our back yard.

mmmmmm.... "Raspberry Jam" !!!!!!!

really....
(august 1st, 12:32pm)
sound: Psyche -Zilch

sooooooo... i erased yesterday's post... argh... can't seem to make up my mind/feelings/mood. mostly... i just feel stoned. yeah *sarcastic grin*

got Zilch's Psyche and it makes me miss hide even more. makes me wanna kick him till he turns into pink goo. i'm certain that Zilch would've been popular over here. meaning: hide's music coming here. meaning: hide's concert in montreal?
*hits armrest fantasizing that it's hide's stomach*

dad's birthday today... so i had to cancel my meeting with Tchisa... (i'm such a baka that i forgot that july has 31 days and thought the bday was yesterday... until mom told me... T_T) hm, i don't mind cancelling that much though cuz it's H-O-T. not as hot as where nee-chan lives but still... 30 degrees PLUS humidity factor, makes up for one sweaty day. why is it always so humid here anyway... *tired sigh* well, all this to say that i'm very happy to hide in my basement. it's cold in here ^_^ freezing in winter but wonderful right now.

Pata-kun! well well well... i have the vcds packed and ready, just have to send them now. i'm sorry it's taking so long *bambi eyes*

*listens to Psyche for a moment... imagines hide's here and she's kicking him right now. hard. very, very hard*

Lochan, glad it cheered you up ^__^ *hugs* and that it made you smile ^^

mhmmm... dad's home for lunch, gotta go.....

*grimace... man, can't control myself these days...*

paaaaaaaaa~iiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnn...
(july 30th, 2:33pm, safely home)
sound: that of my moaning

i huuuuuuuuuuuurt.... *moan* it huuuuuuuuurts.... *another moan* ouuuuuwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... *wail*
yep, back from the dentist. well, actually.. it went better than i expected: i got a li'l shot and couldn't feel half my face so, no pain while i was on the Chair. (litterally, HALF my face! i couldn't even swallow... choked on water... T_T) but, the down side of that? the first and obvious one: i hurt now!!! my jaw! my tooth!!! *holds jaw and cries*

the second side effect was... hum... both funny and pathetic. on my way home, i was waiting for the train. then, they announced that it'll be passing on another platform. THEN, i saw a woman looking lost. so i went to her and told her that the train will be passing on the OTHER platform.
it came out something like this: "hhe shrain will be pashin on she ohe plahfohm."
*laugh* well, i got a look reserved for sideshow exhibits and a graceful nod and a thank you. *chuckle* you just can't talk straight when you're not feeling half your face/tongue/throat.

on the brighter side, i'm not very afraid of the dentist anymore. 's ok ^__^

ouuaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! *mumbles, nursing jaw* it huuu~rts... *sobbing*

hum, while i still can get myself together, i have a general request: ia ANY of you ever find a site where i could d/l Stone Temple Pilots' Interstate Love Song, PLEASE TELL MEEEEEEEEE!!! i love it, i can't get it out of my head, i'm too poor for a cd and i can't find it on the net (well, a site with an active d/l link to it that is). neeeee?

arghhh >.< now half my face HURTS.... and i have to COOK.... screw that, we're ordering pizza.

nnnn... feeling... special
(july 29th, 1:36pm)
sound: Swampsnake -Zilch

uuuhhh.... title should rather be "feeling painful". i huuuurt... T_T my back... and my head.... T_T and i'm sleepy cuz my uncle HAD to call from Poland this morning and my dad HAD to conduct a loud and long conversation with him... Tchisa's supposed to come today and i'm supposed to sing but i have a feeling it'll rather be a mumbling session.

weeelll... i'll try... T_T

and dentist tomorrow T_T i'm cringing already but in a way *siiiiiigh* i guess i'm happy to go. i NEED to go T_T damn my japanese teeth...

oki. complaining's over. had a fun weekend, busy as hell but it turned out pretty energetic. i'm pissed at Gabe for cancelling AGAIN, but tiz ok, i'm used to it *li'l amused but exasperated sigh* and IT continues. last time i had so much stuff to do was... um... during finals? or just after, when i started working on my site. (talking 'bout my site, geeze... i still haven't moved it but i want to make a better version before i do! which implies me buying books about webpages and learning, learning, learning... then building building... making mistakes... learning... waoh, it'll be fun ^_^;;; )

ya ya ya ya ya... i'll go... general hugs

sold some attitude.............

yawning no good
(july 27th, 1:26pm)
sound: Hey Man So Long -Zilch

*yawning* it's been at least an hour, can't stop yawning *grin-yawn* i finally found a more comfortable (read: less uncomfortable) pillow, only to discover that it's the same one i had discarded some, oh..., 8 years ago. now, who can say that things don't come around? *laugh-yaaaaaawn*

wait, i'm here for a reason: to apologise and grovel to those of you i had promised letters to (yep, Pata-kun once more. and Lochan). well, let's get the show started, huh?

Lochan, Pata-kun! i wanted to write (i WANT to write, present continuous) but i have a bit on my hands today. have to finish 4 things before tomorrow, HAVE to, and they'll take some time *yawns* T_T you'll have to forgive me neee.... (of course you will, you love me! what? you don't.... *bursts into tears and runs away damsel style*)

nee-chan glad you like the cards, i'll keep sending them ^__^ and i'll have to write one of these days cuz it seems i won't be able to go online for longer stretches of time for a while yet.
Kisa's adorable *melts* ooh, and i wanted to tell you: i read chapter 5 of your fic and i was barely able to finish, biting my nails and cringing... now i'm scared of chapter 6! i mean... Tosh and Haku... and Kyo and Shinchan.... i'm scared for them! *wails* T_T scaaared! *peeps from behind her chair* wah, you're a good writer, hooooontou!!! *hugs*

oh, well, i should be going. one last thing: do you know what REALLY, REALLY amuses me?

hide-chan hip-hop-ing in Sold Some Attitude. listen to it, tiz... something ^_^;

cackle...
(july 25th, 9:39pm)
sound: Karesusuki -Velvet Eden (+Pierrot AND Zilch...)

ha haa, symmetric time once more! *massages neck* argh, damn, should not have headbanged to X today T_T buuuuuut, how could i not?

*cackles cackles cackles* Pata-kun, i'll write tomorrow, ne. didn't have time today. oh, and i'll have the cds on Sunday finally cuz my friend's coming over then. ^_^ so don't worry about that, i remember still! oooo... you'd write twisted KxK??? ^___^

so. soooooo. it seems my words last winter ("let's form a non-serious jrock band, let's compose something in summer and record it. neeee? neeeeeee? *laugh and pleading eyes*"), my words have led to something. or.... rather.... THEY haven't led anywhere, it just... sort of... happened. I'M A SINGER NOW! *giggle* will be, anyway. i can't play anything (i should probably give up the guitar, i'm the shame of guitar players T_T), but i can sing and write lyrics and come up with costumes and scandals *laugh*

damn, somehow life's a great big joke and i don't feel like taking anything too seriously. or talking about it seriously anyway.

naa, back to the subject: Fugu composes awesome lyrics and Tchisa can come up with music in her sleep. AND she sings. (so we can do an "ai no duetto", just like hide-chan and Ryuichi (from Luna Sea) on Scanner!!! *laugh*)

woooooooo, Inside The Pervert Mound is on... *twisted smile* dentist or no dentist, i don't remember the last time i felt so GOOD.

nee-chan *ookikute, tsuyoi hugs* got your card (wow! Kisa's gorgeous!) ^_____^ hang in there, ne? you got this far, you can get even farther.

hmm... i'll go... can't remeber anything else that i could say... without annoying you to death.

so, *sugary voice of a schoolgirl whore* jaaaaaaa~ ne!

bloody hell...
(july 24th, 11:19pm)
sound: Slide Away -Oasis

*comfortable sigh* i love Oasis. *darker mood* too bad i can't go to their concert (August 16th)... well... if only there was someone to go with me but... there's not. even if i could get tickets, i'm not going alone. s***... i've waited 5 years for this and i can't go *pounds desk*

still, that's not a reason for a bad mood. i think i just NEED to be pissed at something. somehow i'm not able to mope, i'm not tired enough. *kicks desk*

so. damn. lonely. and tired. and... i don't even know what. there really isn't any f***** reason for this log.

can't sleep. it's been a week that i'm aware that i'm asleep the whole night, sort of as if i was in a...a... in some half-awake state. and i'm tired of having idiotic dreams about rain, things burning down and people from my high school whom i haven't met in 5 years!!! ##$^%$*%$!!!!!!!!! my bed's starting to feel more like a torture chamber!

*shakes head* *shakes head again* ok... that's enough. i swear, what i need is to go dancing and then get drunk, to the point where i start hugging table legs and talking to pillows. *long sigh* damn my non-drinking house. gah... *insert curse of your choice here* tis better now.

good $%&#*& night.

pissed about Zilch guy >.<
(july 24th, 12:34pm)
sound: Athena -Pierrot

(geeze! AGAIN a weird hour!!!) ok, let's rant about what i came here to rant about: Ray, from Zilch. *growl* Hori-chan, i read your letter and i do believe that, YES, hide-chan would have something to say about what Ray's doing. *growls-Evil Glare of Death (Heero Yuy TM)*

ok, switched to Gerunika. Athena is too jumpy for anger. (yup, that's my WHOLE playlist: Gerunika.)

'k breathe. Lola! you WERE on crack, weren't you? anyhoo (*o*), i like the nice things you said about my blog. yep, that's about what i was going for (hey, "symbols of saints"... i mean...)
well, have fun today, grumpy ol' man!

>.< gaaaaaah *rubs forehead* i'm starting to see pink elephants floating across the screen... *o*

Dai-kun! hiiiiiii to you too! i'll write...uh... today... ^^;

and now, ladies and gentlemen, i shall leave you all while Pata-san *said Pata-san sticks head out from behind stage curtain -he's wearing a pink Dahlia in his hair -i picked it from our garden! we have PINK DAHLIAS!!!*... as i was saying, while Pata-san dances the Lambada!!! *curtain rises -Pata in skin tight black pants, a Dahlia in his hair and one held between his teeth (and nothing else) starts dancing to the sounds of the Lambada coming from the radio that's.... hey! who stole the radio???!!!*

*hide's giggling behind the stage, playing the Lambada tape at different speeds. making Pata-bear sweat*

it's this kind of day again. and which mood shall i put down on...uh... paper???

mmmm....
(july 23rd, 8:48pm)
sound: Gerunika -Pierrot

seems i have a liking for symmetrical hours... *raises one eyebrow* oh, well. damn, this layout is far too pure for my present mood. but i won't change it. *smirk* might as well keep up the hidden extremes. and the obvious ones.

ouuuh, what a mood today. naah, good, of course, just... twisted. too much Gerunika. (in fact, a few hours in a row of Gerunika.)

it caught my attention just now: the word "symmetrical" is anything but. there is no balance in the way the letters unfold. *li'l sigh* this is the 3rd times i've logged in since my previous log but i couldn't bring myself to write anything before. well well... to change the topic again, i just returned from ff.net; could someone be nice to me and write some cool KyoxKaoru story? no deathfic. something twisted, something absolutely sick and perverted? please? my eternal gratitude in return? i've been looking for such a story but the only KxK i've found were too... syropy for my taste. rather ooc in Kyo's case also. somehow i can't picture Kyo crying because of a broken heart. *sigh* it's been ages since i read a good twisted KxK fic. people just don't go for that pairing...

uuuh, too many ideas floating in my head... you think? writing them out would do good, you say? well then, i'll listen. 'n obey.

yes master.

i feel like a saint
(july 23rd, 4:07pm)
sound: Gerunika -Pierrot

new layout... somewhat contrary to my "spunky" mood but i was influenced by a photo of hide-chan from the Mugongeki photo album: a white and blue Madonna. so i though... here you have true extremes: pure Madonna and then concerts, Zilch, Beauty&Stupid...

hmm... also maybe because i'm listening to Gerunika. very twisted, alternates between calm, sad, almost sweet and mental, heavy parts. and it fits the whole image perfectly.

the symbol of a saint are blood red lips...

gomen ne, poetic mood today ^^