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it's dark again
it's dark already
on june 13th i...
sound: STAY...-La'cryma Christi and the 3rd track off of Filth -Deg
oh, while i'm at it, anybody know the title of Filth's 3rd track??? there's Filth, Keloid Milk and....???
ah, no matter it becomes dark, my good mood goes down with the sun, i'll probably sit here, brooding till 3am. not online, can't, no hours. just... play solitaire. fool around with photos in an attempt to come up with something interesting. dig through every media player on this machine, trying things out in the classical manner of "what will happen if i push this button?". i already had my comp block yesterday at 2am becuz of such explorations. so, i turned it off then back on and continued hitting random buttons. doesn't that sound FUN??? i even have an idea for a one shot Kyo fic but while it's clear in my head... it's not that easy, putting images into words. especially when you have my *smirk* vast vocabulary and *smirk* impressive ability to use it. argh, sometimes life sucks. i have to get back to a day routine, night's killing me. by the way, Lochan, i'm sorry i'm not writing. >.<; i'm constantly telling myself to but... damn, i really should, i know, i'm sorry. argh #2: i have to stop sucking my thumb. it's addictive and deadly. *puts thumb in mouth* and automatic. you never think about it, you just look in the mirror and *oops* there it is, in your mouth. mmmh, gotta find me something else to put in my mouth *yes, i DO mean this sentence. with all my heart* damn spring.... damn... it's past 11pm already... what the hell ami still doing here?... nothing gone
it's getting LATE
wish i was sleepy...
on june 12th i...
sound: Shinkei Ga Wareru (atsui yoru) -Pierrot... the remix though, not the original version
heeeeyy.... *feeling... slowly alive* *sneeze* mhhh.... so... what can i say? ehh *drool* not much. so, i decided what to serve on sunday, when all the hungry mouths get here (^^) and that means *oh god, NO!* that i'll have to cook a FULL meal. entries, soup, main course, dessert... houuuuwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, ... not that i'm a BAD cook just... uuh... not very sure of myself... in other noteworthy news (yeeah), i'm learning how to play guitar with a pick. and it's turning out damn hard, making the switch from fingers to pick. i mean, up till now i've remembered all my melodies with my right hand (however that might sound *laugh*). and now, when i can't feel them out with my fingers anymore, i get lost. tried playing the intro to Nothing Else Matters (which i actually know and use as warm up) and i CAN'T! can't even remember how it goes when i try to do it with a pick! i had to get the tabs and play through 'em slowly, note by note. *annoyed* nnn...
but i'll persevere. i like the pick, i like the sound it gives and i like the fact that, well... it's easier to play melodies. (i hate strumming! >.<) so i'm learning, i'm learning. after 3 days at it i managed to play a lullaby and a li'l part of Nothing Else Matters. ^________^ hum, i guess that's it though... not much to say... i'm just waiting for june 20th and my internet month so that i can finally go spend some times on ff.net. mouuuu... if only i had a 100 hours instead of 60... >.<
rainy day
thinking... how things are changing...
on june 11th i...
sound: Polish band De Mono (i won't list the title neeee)
it's 7:30 pm, it's raining, it's grey and cold and i'm feeling... another wave of... of what? nostalgia? melancholy?
a bit of both. it's the music's fault, it's very mellow, calm. not that sad, rather thoughtful and soothing. still... i'm saaa---aaaad.... kanashimi wo dakishimete... (embrace the sadness- dunno from which song exactly - you hear it so often in jrock! let's just say that it's MY sentence *yeah*) *zoned out, staring at the screen* hum... it's nice to listen to some Polish music for a while. feels natural, i don't have to strain or listen, i understand it automatically. yeah, exactly, it's relaxing. i noticed lately that i can't take "angst music" anymore. sad songs, yes, of course, everyone needs those. but i'm tired of hearing all the "f*ck you and the world songs". no, no, i'm not saying they're bad, there's a lot of good music out there, even if it's not exactly my style. i just... i'm very tired of the waves of hate and angst that are ceaselessly coming out of music. *li'l smile* so i've been listening to mellow songs for a while now *mellow smile* maybe it's the rain? i've been thinking about Poland and about how i DON'T want to go there... i mean... i desperately want to go! i miss it so much... even if i wouldn't want to live there permanently, it still has a "home" feel to it. the people, the streets, nature... everything there feels so familiar.
and yet...
now that almost everything i know has changed... i don't want to go, i'm too scared of seeing the changes. all places have changed, my grandparents are getting older... hell, even the countryside place where i used to spend all of my summers isn't really there anymore. summer is becoming a torture right now since every "summer/green" smell reminds me of Poland... even now, when it's raining, the wet trees, grass and road all smell exactly the way my grandparents place does on rainy days. argh... i thought i was over this but apparently i'm not. still miss home, even though i grew up in Canada. god, i miss it so much... but that's pointless since it'll never be the way it was when i was younger... and talking 'bout younger... another year gone by and i'm still nowhere, still where i was, still afraid and reluctant to "get out there"... and this year i finally have to admit that i DON'T know what i want to do in life. or rather, that i want to do many things (all very ambitious plans) and that i have no idea of where to start.
but i should start, as soon as possible. in 2 years i'll be done with school for good and will have to do something with my life. just... what? i don't want to be stuck doing small jobs and hoping that somehow all my projects will realize themselves. i want... hell, i want so much and i have no idea of where to start. i don't even have any skills to start with! talk about storm clouds over the horizon. and this horizon isn't staying far: it's getting closer and closer at a frightening pace. one moment i'm so sure of myself then this... *thinks for a moment* actually... you know, i've gone over all of this a 1000 times and will go over it again and the conclusion is the same every time: somehow, i'll make it. simply. i have to, there's no other way, no other life. for now things are well, things are comfortable. but when they change, i'll adapt. i'll do something. simply because that's what i need to live... neee? *mellow laugh* nee-chan: i admire you for all your courage in braving daily matters, sis. wish i was as strong as you are. *hugs* 'm thinking about you ^^ ah, i'll go... need tea and hand cream. oh, but actually... here are the translated lyrics of the song that i'm listening to (of the Polish band... *laugh* of the of the of the... >.< bleh, nice grammar) Once more an ordinary day
Nobody has changed the world
In reality nobody
Has fixed anything
Once more another day
Pale grey dawn,
The bus is crowded
I'm here, you're beside,
I'll tell you about beautiful thingsMaybe an ordinary day
Isn't the end of the world
Because the most important thing
Is that we're together
We have our dreams.
After all an ordinary day
Goes well
And it all of its chaos,
I am you and me Once more and ordinary day
And a cloudy morning
In reality nobody
Has fixed anything
Believe before you wake
That today will be better
Someday has to be. it's a bit of an awkward translation, gomen, i'm not so good at this.
demo... this song IS the way i feel. Today will be better
Someday has to be
breathe...
breathe in the air...until the skies lighten to gold
on june 10th i...
sound: Breathe in the Air -Pink Floyd (but i have Dahlia on my mind)
aha, announcement time. is it a big announcement? no. is it an important one? maaaaybeee... if you're concerned but... nope. does it involve me complaining? we'll see. here it goes: Hori-chan! this post is mainly for you. i'm happy you like the site ^^ and i'm VERY VERY happy (try eXtatic) that you want me to host your fanart. that's just what i wanted to ask you!!!
HOWEVER: it'll have to wait until JUNE 20TH. all site updates will have to. why? well, simple: i downloaded a 16MB hide-chan video the other day, uploading and preparing the site took a few hours too, i spent quite some time on the net before that and the result is... i have almost no time left until the 20th (new 60 hours then! ^__^). and since my dad needs the remaining hours to look for vacation spots >.<;;;
well... ghhhh... i have to keep my online eXcursions to a minimun for the next week and a half (and that means pitas, maybe check my mail but no more than that).
so in short: i'll get your fanart from our X club and post them on my site but only when i get a new month of online time. >.<;;; mmmmmm.... tea..... *warau* here goes the complaining part: family vacation plans are coming up again... a whole week with my parents... >.< we'll see if i can Wriggle out of that one. ok, why the hell do i keep coming up with X references in this post??? gah, had a solid dose of X-Japan today so maybe that's why. anyway, 'm not complaining about that ^^ and as to WRIGGLING out of family vacation... i wish. a week alone... i NEED that!!! Lochan, i should write you a letter, i know, i know... i will, don't worry ^^ Poland lost to Portugal 0:4.... SHAME!!!!!!!!!
hide people land is up, ahead of schedule!!!
http://www.geocities.com/hide_nii_chan/visit and tell me what you think!!! ^_________^
i don't wanna die...
i sometimes wish i'd never been born at all...
on june 8th i...
sound: Queen ...forgot the title
um *scratches head*.. i'm aware of how this title sounds... *baka me* it's just that i recorded Queen's song (gomeeeen... forgot title... anyone remember it???) and it hasn't left my head since. i'm constantly listening to it. ... well, yeah, it's sad...
>.< and i feel so close to the lyrics... >.< gah, no, really, i'm actually happy! ^__^ well, as happy as angsty Kyo can be ^^;  the l'arc~en~ciel test, brought to you by Jen. aren't you glad?
Who's your Inner Kaoru??poster child of the tobacco industry, huh? only in my deepest wishes... not in reality...
not in this house... (translation: i'm craving like crazy but for the sake of peace at home, i won't smoke.).... urara, urara... i'm off... planning to start uploading my galleries today. ooooh... i'm scared in advance! >.<
empty head
what am i saying?
on june 7th i...
sound: Mazohyst of Decadence -Deg
seems new colors motivate me to write. ghhh, got up at 7 again today... yup, Argentina vs England. and England won 1:0 ^^ ahh, it was a beautiful match. full of action, not a second of dull play ^^ even for someone as asleep as i was (curled up on the couch, watching with one eye... calling the English goalkeeper "English Seaman" for half the match - no, that's not his name. yes, i wasn't very conscious at the time. kept coming up with weird half dreams during the first half of the match... >.<;). wah, i'm going off reactine. i don't care if trees ARE still blooming or not (i don't think so, i hope). those pills are making me sick >.< well, after taking them for 6 weeks...anyone would be sick. gah, i think i'm getting addicted to them >.<;
'sides, as long as i'm taking them i don't wanna try drinking. and i desperately need a drink, as soon as possible. *D.O.D. attack* i'm using up internet time again, listening to Mazohyst of Decadence. see, i'm listening to it off the net, don't have it on cd (yet). and i have to listen to the whole song first, before being able to disconnect and listen to it just like that (no, can't download from the site i found it on....). nnh, i can't download anything for a while now, after getting Dice. i need my online hours to upload galleries! >.< nnnh, that'll take some time... Hori-chan! i read the fic on ff.net... T_T why do you torture him so??? *wipes away a tear* mmm, strawberries.... *.* well, i'm addicted to this fic now ^^ nnnnh, twisted mood again, dry mouth and heavy eyes. everything heavy. geeze, how come not getting enough sleep and having a hangover feel exactly the same to me? O.o i should work on my site... actually, i think i'll make an account on geocities and start uploading the galleries right away since i want all of 'em to be open next week. yeah, need an extra account for them ^^ i'm worried though, cuz my site is doing weird things: letters and links disappear, text changes places... ummm, nee-chan, since you're the only i know who knows html pretty damn well, any idea why it does that?
i don't care if those things happed just on my computer but if they start happening all the time... mouuu... problems, problems... talking 'bout problems, my mom's been at my fics again. she read Purple August (god knows where she found it >.< somewhere in my papers, i guess), and she's been sending me weird looks since yesterday. uuuuuhhh... not again..... must i lock/hide under my bed ALL of my things? 'sides, that won't help. i'd rather need a black hole with a few sturdy locks. *heavy sigh* *sneeze* i'm off, actually DO have stuff that MUST be done before next week-end (aside the site which is almost done anyway). and with me being another Child of Pata... better get an early start *laugh*
inspiration struck
...baby blow my rocket...
on june 6th i...
sound: Rocket Dive -hide-chan!!!
hi-ho! how's minna? *laugh*
finally, i found a layout i like! hum, rather a color combination ^^ something a bit stronger ^^ blame it on hide-chan, as usual ^____^ now, see, i'm all smily right now: i downloaded a hide-chan video!!! *mega ultra happy* gaaah, 16MB, took almost an hour and a half, i used up WAAAY too much internet time for today but I DON'T CARE!!! such a coool video too! a bit short (only 3min 21sec *snif snif*), but waaiiii!!! it's a live TV performance of Dice! wah, my beloved long red haired, jeweled bindi dot wearing hide-chan!!! from 1994!!! Hide Your Face times!!! WAAH!!! hide-chan in a cage, surrounded by musicians in gas masks and naked (and i mean NAKED) chicks who keep groping him ^^ every man's dream, huh? *laugh*
he's a great performer ne, one of those rare musicians who perform as well on stage as in a studio ^^ and he has sparkling eyes ^^ um... i'll try to calm down ^^ nee-chan! 's ok nee! i'm here, you're there, and if you can't write now, well, i won't disappear just cuz i don't get a letter ^^ *hugs* 'm just sitting here, reading your blogs... ^^ had a good laugh at the DaiDai and KaoKao section you wrote with Razzy-san!
hum, and, no, Jamaica isn't at the World Cup talking 'bout the World Cup (oh boy, here it goes ^^;), it seems France is out. it lost its first match and played a 0:0 draw with Uruguay today. bah, they're out, i'm sure. so's Poland, i'm also sure of that after seeing the USA play. (they beat Portugal 3:1!!!!!!) Poland sucks... as much as i hate saying that. bah, i'll find someone else to cheer for.
and tomorrow morning, England vs Argentina, THE match i've been waiting for!!! Weeeeeeeeee!!! talking 'bout "weeeee!!!", Tchisa, "weeeeeee" is just a little cry you make when... when you feel like it. so in that quiz, don't try to logic it out or make sense out of it, just go with what catches your eyes first! by the way, i can't speak today!i already said that dogs bark "han han han!" (since in Japanese it's "wan wan" and in Polish "hau hau")
said that the French players will soon need "ticket planes back home" (ummm... plane tickets would make sense..)
and i sung a little song. i'll leave you with it! old Mcdonald had a horse
.....
and on this horse he had a farm... errrh.... night good all you too! even though it's only 8:21pm ^^ mmmm, Dice... hide... naked chicks...
*green from jealousy* wish i was one of 'em!!!!!!
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