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*loverboy* wow. wat a weekened. started of on fri when i met my buddies from nyp. we chilled out at first at this bar at cuppage, where we got ripped off. cos they had service charge of 40fuckingpercent... can u believe that shit!?!?!?!?. fuck. anyway went to a pub to continue the fun till it stopped. sigh. its been so long since i sat down wif these guys.. i mean girls. yes. im practically like the only guy in the whole group. but it was fun. to have like extra 12-15 sisters. and then get these weird questions from stoopid poly students like "are u gay? cos ur the only guy in the grp and u seem to get along real well wif them...???" well fuck u. heh. i happen to be more comfortable in the company of the other sex. im not gay. im weird. thats all. haha. anyway my "sisters" always seem to dote on me. pampered.. thats more like it. its the same as being the youngest. u get the shit, and u get the bread. uh.. dunoe what that meant but who cares. then had to wake up early sat morning cos my mom was panicking as my student pass expires todae,.. so she rushed me to go to SIR to get a pass. shit. thats was after 2 hrs of pathetic sleep. sigh. anyway there were alot of pretty foreign students at the SIR who were either applying or cancelling their student pass. once i reached home i dozed off till 5pm. heh. then went to meet dewi and papool, then later on fadil. bough a tin of kirin,.. that huge 2litres korean/jap beer. was good. fucking smooth. drank at hardcore haven.. then went to meet the animals at marina. and yes... im the first one to have an official BOB MINUS photo. and he's doing fine. he seems to be very much the same bobminus we knew b4 he dissappeared ala david-got-dumped-by-fiance coppershit. contrary to popular belief that he was abducted by ahlians, he didnt have a lobotomy. hah. check out the pics section under "bowling". sun, well stayed home the whole freaking day. was to lazy to go out. and now mariah carey's "loverboy" is bein shown by MTV. sigh. how i wish i was the red scarf she's wearing ard her boobies. damn. and i love kelly from destiny's child. and of course tyra banks and halle berry. Monday, July 2, 2001 12:46 a.m. *this is the day she shined...* ok. mp3's are all up. marchtwelve and drugplantpatient mp3's are up. enjoy! Thursday, June 28, 2001 03:09 a.m. *the fill-me-up buttercup guys* its was a fun day. meet my long time good frens again after what seems like eternity that we havent gone out wif each other. the guys were great. there was the cool, sophisticated guy, the cool and smart alleck fella, there was the cool ah beng, and of course, the moron. hah (sorry mel). drank, traded stories, played card games..(put 4 card on the table and find ways n means by using addition, subtraction, mutiplication and division to come up wif the number 21. hah. loser get to drink, and no one likes to drink warm beer. hah. wat a ball. it was jus suprising that amongst all of us that i was the only who pursued music, but we all used to play in the same band (narcissist reincarnated i think was the name). we did weezer, metallica, smashing pumpkins, silverchair and of course nirvana that time. fave jamming studio?.. heh.. VIVA MUSICARAMA!!!... i was like the guitarist/bassist at that time... all the funny stories came up.. all the good times gone bad... all the funny "masterbation" and "nightshift nurses" story came out. how we used to rule the school as we were the first batch of morons to ever study at CCKSS. i just feel so much at ease wif these fellas. cant wait for the next outing wif them. we decided to do more of these "chilling-out" under the block since we all stay nearby of each other. hah. the notion of forming the band again came up.. well.. i might just do it.. and maybe this time we'd do sumthing like "a perfect circle" since everyone has heard of them. oh.. and yes,.. we will drop the original band name. hahahaha. took sum pics wif the guys. will put it up soon. as soon as i figure out how to make our faces more beautiful using my dissappointing digicam. hahahha. i cant stop smiling now. never had this much fun in a long run wifout lying to myself. sigh. i miss the emocrew. hopefully on friday can chill out late at night again. till then. oh, and thanks for the email wan. Wednesday, June 27, 2001 02:24 a.m. *fool in the photograph* listening to kilowatt hours cd now. kinda good stuff.. a bit draggry.. but its all good. just did my emailing and stuff. im quite excited and looking forward for marchtwelve's set on calliope gig. esp since now its been confirmed that rony is staying wif us permanently (at least accroding to numbness). got 2-3 new songs under my belt now. but kinda hard to let wan learn it as he is back to school now. so no time to do acoustic jam like we used to last time. i think the last time we did an acoustic jam for doing a song was for "fall",.. which was like ages ago. anyway,.. it doesnt matter who comes out wif m12 songs (which is usually me) cos the effort and the praise goes to rest of the band, never to me. i was never looked up as a serious guitarist anyway since i first started to write songs. for ma12,.. pple will go like "oh cool song.. mus be wan/dewi/madnoor who came out wif it.". same goes for DPP. although i admit DPP songs as of late has been between me n bren. still... sigh. kinda sucks when u worked so hard for sumthing,.. and all the recognition doesnt even account for you. i mean, not that im begging to be recognized and treated seriously. but,.. i do need some reassurance that whatever i do artistically and musically are good enough. when i do things and it doesnt get recognised, i understand. there's a lot of talented pple out there. but its different when things i do are credited to other pple. hence maybe that's why pple say im cocky, trying to point out stuffs that i do. but if u were me, wldtn u at least try to do what im doing? its just an act of defense. im not seeking attention by doing this. i just need reassurance. insecurity is my biggest bitch. it also applies to relationships. hence im always alone. fact is i cant stand to be alone, i mean, who can? everyone needs reassurance and a guiding hand. its hard to look at places that are to far way that u hafta squint ur eyes. i wished it was just beside me. .. i wished i was just killed by an angel. Tuesday, June 26, 2001 01:35 a.m. *updates* ok.. i have updated all my pics. took em out of zing.com as they are closing down soon. uploaded them at shutterfly.com some of the pics are old, some are new ones. so go n venture. and dont forget to check out my porno collection under 'pornopics'. enjoy. hehehehehe Monday, June 25, 2001 06:14 p.m. *en route to blyss* so much for sleeping. heh. been doing that since i got home from enroute yesterday AM. and now im having serious back aches courtesy of drum n bass. haha. its was fun.. no.. wait.. it was FUCKING EXCELLENT!!!. heh. everyone that mattered was there. b4 plain sunset played, sham bought down liqour... and was serving it like man on a mission.. to get evryone high and stoked. so as usual it was me who had the most reddest face.. and amran cam in second wif his teary eyes. but i was high as fuck. heh. then all of us took pics-galore.. stupid ones, emotional ones, friendly ones, and of course stupid ones..(or did i mention that already??). will be up soon. when PS took the stage, their where like a band out to reclaim something.. name, feelings, and even fun. rony was extremely aggro all through out the set, and nizam.. well... being nizam,.. was the clown of the evening. jon belted out the songs form his heart, but it was beatnik whom i can say made me feel the pulse of their songs. esp when that person came and stood in front of beatnik,.. he pointed out his fingers towards her.. then went on to proceed wif an onslaught of emotions.. and i think i caught him in my digicam a couple of times. 'so much for something special'.. so ironic. it was good to see him goin thru deep set feelings.. cos i thought he dies out and became cold after that "something-special" went away. but he proved me wrong. then there was 4HEROES. who fucking bought the house down wif their intense drum n bass. they had more attack and variety than our own local d&b heroes.. but i can say our own d&b pple are on the way there. was dancing non stop. beatnik, anna, irwin(my d&b dance partner), shairy, yamani, acit, fadil(yes!) and a few others were wif us. then cam dewi, whom we have been looking forward to dance wif us..esp since she doesnt get to stay out late at nite. so it was a very special even for us. the progressive dance zone was full of gays, most of them barebodied and gyrating their selves into one another, a sight we often thought could only be seen at hollywood movies. haha. wif their well buffed beautiful bodies and all... which makes me wonder, ... of only i had that kind of body. and ill bloody well make sure i dont become a gay. haha. so i guess this is all for now. and i sure as hell gonna miss anna and christian again once they go back to penang todae. hope they can come down on july 14th to see marchtwelve play at YP, and also to see PS the next day for the sub-c gig. so long, farewell. Monday, June 25, 2001 11:34 a.m. *the strawberry metaphor* im sad. simply said. i dont have a life, no one to share my daily life with. i had one. i blew it. and today is the day. to loss someone, the only one uve ever given your heart to as a whole, and to noe u caused for it to end, puts this sordid weight ard your shoulder that is very hard to ease off. i noe i wont ever be in that safe place again wif anyone else. and i noe i just have to bear the guilt of the end process. i noe this sounds like a typical emotional downfall, but its ok for me to write it here. cos no one ever took me seriously in whatever i did except for her. up to this point no one ever looks at me in genuine way. easier said, to most of you people im just a 'groupie'. some to be with just so to add bulk in the masses. important is the last thing ever to be thought of whenever my name comes into your minds. she gave me something special, and i freaked out. i ruined my own happiness and no one is to blame cept for me so dont pity me cos im not asking for it. take that cane and hit me unconscious and feel good at it cos ur just helping me. i never wanted to be a drag, so end it now. thank you for stopping by to look. thats good enough. i still miss the smell of strawberries in the morning. Saturday, June 23, 2001 03:07 a.m. *pics* im too lazy, tired and fucked up to write anything now. jus that the DEGENDERALIZE and the MARCHTWELVE recording pics are up. so go have fun. Wednesday, June 20, 2001 03:52 a.m. *crowded house* pls pple. do not come up to me and start making me feel guilty, cos i will turn u away. u pple arent the only ones going thru shit. and when the fact that u guys are living ur lives better than mine is reason enough for me to actually be pissed off. but i dont cos i dun wanna be selfish, hoping in return YOU will not be selfish either. ive had my fair share of misgivings, and i dont want part of yours, simply because i dont wanna burden myself wif more heavy lod, not because i dont care. i do. im not ur punching bag for ur emotions. emo is dead. so live it. or b just another passe. but there's the option of living life not the emo way, but the indierock way. and get the fuck out of my conscience pls. i dont like it when it gets to crowded inside. Tuesday, June 19, 2001 03:01 a.m. *outofpockets* in my life things never always turns out the way i so perfectly envisioned it. but todae was an exception. the recording was awesome,.. plus the fact that my close friends were there wif us at the studio making it less stressfull for us. im so thankful of you guys. really. we did the song 'out of pockets', whose lyrics was written as a sign of 'we-will-be-here- kinda thing to our best friends, unfall and beatnik, after their failed attempt in being happuy wif a special somebody. and come to think of it, that we bumped into that stupid bitch(sorry.. but then again, what the heck) that broke my bro. wif her new found bastard, who looks like a stoopid ko tai reject, .. or like what sani said.." an ahbeng reject who looks like the type of person who always gets bullied. haha. jo n sani: 1 , ahbeng reject: 0. haha. i think im getting to sensitive. and yes, dewi, i cant sing, so dont rub it in. i dont come out wif good melodies unlike u guys. but i always write songs for the band, so i guess thats what im good for. and no, im not pissed off. at least i gave it a shot. and at least my screams where the most prominant ones. hahahah. stop spending so much time on the net lah u goondo. painted skys and shining stars remind us of the hours we spent at the dining room table drawing pictures of nothing important and everything we loved. And even though our fingers got sore and our eyes began to ache we would never stop. It's these things created by tiny hands that were hung on walls and wrapped as gifts that acted as the words we never said, but wish we had before you left penfold:"ill take u everywhere" Monday, June 18, 2001 01:49 a.m. *love the sunlight boys..* jamming, jamming, jamming. yes. jamming since wednesday and friday. wednesday was wif my project band.. ahem.. 'the shoulder project'. was good. had loads of fun.. then on thursday was wif 'split/notation'. heavy funk ala incubus. hehe. i noe. so call me a sell out but i love incubus and the deftones. hah. just finished jamming wif DPP. pls,.. DPP guys.. take things easy sia. whats the point of bursting out on each other jus cause u cant get your own way?.. no need to scold each other's mother lah fuck. i get more and more frustrated everytime we jam cos of this. its much more better as a band to let EVERYONE have their say lah. no need to aggro man. im writing this here in the hopes that YOU can read this. it shouldnt be only one whois coordinating what we are doing. yes, i noe its hard to play our stuff... but that's what should be the important aspect for us to bond as close as we can,... not the reason for us to argue wif each other. sometimes i cant take this no more. all this bickering. we are a band, not a one man show. thats all i can say. lets all be sensitive of each other's feelings pls. cos otherwise our life as a band, even as friends,... will be hell. tomorrow is the DEGENDERALIZE gig. pls come down to support it. there are certain issues that gonna be voiced out by this gig. good bands, good fun. marchtwelve will be recording this sunday at snakeweed studio. gee.. im actually looking forward to this. the song we're gonna record is gonna be featured in the CALLIOPE compilation. CALLIOPE is actually sum sorta girl-fest thingy. i guess. hehe. anyway its gonna be on july 14 at.. hhm.. where else but youthpark. sucks, but some has gotta do it. chey. hehe Saturday, June 16, 2001 02:56 a.m. *twist and try* i learnt sumthing todae. there are times when i say things and get a negative reaction,.. while if someone else says the same thing.. they get a positive comment. am i really so miserable and easliy hated? i guess so. but then again, this is not abt me bitching. this is abt me evaluating my life. so its true. pple are judged by who thy are, not by what they let other pple percieve them to be. i think im trying to hard. i think my life is now at G, when all i wanted to be was in A. some kinda cosmic snafu must have happened on the way to my reality. it kinda bugged me for awhile how i send myself through pple.. but now i live in a way that pleasing pple is the least of my priorities. You always stole all my last words. Here's no exception then, one more for me to send. And nothing happens in the end. I'm thinking of you less, more concerned... and more is less, I guess it doesn't matter now. Maybe we'll never go insane. You always said we would, sometimes I wished we could with you lying naked in the rain and singing Boney M, cutting down all our old friends. I talk to them again now. So here's the last one I have left. We fell a little deep, I watched you fall asleep. And nothing happens in the end, but I remember when I could remember when. Seems like a long time ago. the weakerthans:"The last last one". Wednesday, June 13, 2001 01:20 a.m. *leaving* i guess its just me. i seem to have this knack of creating an event that leads me being a nomad. sometimes we do things that are for our own self-preservation. we noe being alone is hard, but its how we started out anyway when we were alone in our mother's womb. sometimes i look myself in the mirror and see a different person. i noe im not hard, nor strong. but denial is a lovely thought especially if it erases our weaknesses. u placed a spade on my heart when im holding the quenn of hearts. how easy was it for you to actually play the game, cos u noe u aint got nothing to lose. we are walking, but u are leading. me being there wasnt good ehough u asked me to hold u tight. it doesnt matter anyway. ur gone and im sitting down. eonugh of that indierock shit and lets get it on to today's iterinary. went to meet shamster and the guys at taman serasi. and sham got me a 'DROWNINGMAN:rock n roll killing machine' sticker, and its now on my ibanez. AT the front. hehe. thanks shamster. and thanks for letting rony play wif us. i really owe u on that. marchtwelve is gonna be recording this sat. shit. and evryone is damn broke. if the M12 pple are reading this, be prepared to sell ur ass off at deskar rd. ill be ur pimp-daddy. heh. and to the experience, good luck on ur NS and take care inside bro. its time to let the wounds heal. in the veins of plainsunset, ... "carry on wif the program, carry on wif the show". ill see u in 3weeks time. Tuesday, June 12, 2001 02:32 a.m. *please me* im sick of this shit. sick of pple who betray me. sick of pple who asks me to trust them, then go tell the whole world abt how melodramatic my fucking life is. i shld have stuck to the promise i made to myself way back..... IM NOT OUT TO PLEASE EVERY-FUCKING-ONE OF YOU BASTARDS!!!!!! i dont enjoy your calls of character on me. i really dont. aaww fuck it. a few more miserable pple out of my life wldnt mean that much anyway. as long as i have myself, that will do good. so next time u see me, turn away, cos doing that, wif the utmost sincerity will actually make me a happy man for the day. |04:58am|and this will be the end of me explaining myself to pple. cos i tend to feel really stupid trying to explain myself to fucked up mutha fuckas who only thinks of themself, and how itchy their private organs are. so fuck u. i dont need pple like u in my life. and dont even think of stealing parts of me cos that will never ever happen as long as im ard. u can fuck wif me. go ahd. no one is stopping you... but.. what the hell. u cant fuck with me. cos i aint got the right sexual tools that u need for ur fucked up life. i hope u got that right, unless ur really a pea brain son of a bitch. whatever i said and whatever i did, were all along right. dont ask me why. cos i wont even bother to spit at ur face. Sunday, June 10, 2001 10:05 p.m. *villian is i..* so im a fucking villian. fuck it. no one pays attention to me anyway. im sick n tired of this shit. last good nite to everybody who knew my name. Sunday, June 10, 2001 01:45 a.m. *mornings* today felt like it was the longest day ive ever had. went out at 4pm. went for jam. met wan for supper(whats new?) hanged out wif fiq, wan, boy and his fren at pooltix for some games. then went to meredian for coffee. chilled out at sommerset mrt till 0430am then i took the long night ride home. reached home at 5am, and i havent slept since i got home. and i wont sleep till sun morning, thats one thing i noe for sure. i cldnt fucking sleep man. i just tossed and turned in bed. maybe thats the effect of getting to much ant bites in one nite. sheesh. i almost forgot how great the mornings are. i've always loved the mornings. i had alot of good memories that happened in the morning,.. waking up at someone's bed, and just stay there cuddling till lunchtime. sigh. those were the muthafucking phat days!!.. shit. and i've got lots of these. stoopid memories,.. that continue to haunt my actions. fuck. i noe there wont be any chance in hell that u'll be reading this,.. but ill tell u one thing. if i had the courage to call u up, i wld. and maybe this time, ill try not to screw it up. wan, its not as easy as u think when u told me to just pick up the phone and call her. its not. we made a decision not to ever bother each other, unless its a matter of me or her in her deathbed. i noe mine will come soon. i just wish i never backed out on her. oh god. im living in my past way to much. i think this is heaven's way of telling me i've screwed up big time. but one thing i noe ill always have that will never ever be taken away from me. and that's the morning. Saturday, June 9, 2001 07:26 a.m. *grab my heart. pls* went out to chill wif derby, unfall and numbness at winsland house todae. (affectionally known to the group as 'hardcore haven'). anyway, this mood swing shit is getting worse. honestly. getting harder by the day to conceal it. i need a way to release all this frustrations and anger. i need a punching bag. not a bag of bones. DPP jammin tomorow. this place called 'liqudfire' which charges like $25 per hour. but in terms of quality, that studio is like one of the best. the drum toms are like only 3 inches thick. i mean that. hah. and they use trace amps for the bass. laney and fender amps for the guit. and the bass guitar is an Ibanez SDG bass. fucking excellent! who the fuck ever gave u the right to look down on me? i can break you with jus a look. so dont come and press my horn. Friday, June 8, 2001 02:00 a.m. *watching the moon drop* wow. i actually went out today. as in, go out. hah. meet up wif deeweey and amran. played pool at pooltix, then went back. wow. what a wonderful life i lead. wow. pple still noe my name. wow. i need to think of what's up ahead. u noe, working life, and life as an adult, which is sumthing ive been denying abt to myself. being an adult. i dont ever wanna grow up. i dont wanna face the challenges and hardships of being a mature responsible adult. cos i think,.. i might have gone thru that when i was a whole lot younger. the divorce, the battle for possesion, the giving-ups, the funeral. all that shit fucked me up real good. so maybe thats why i grow up the way i am now. anyway i feel very bitchy, so i think i'll just bitch. so what if im not lovable. so what if im not a suck-up. so what if im a loser. so what if im a lay-off. so what if im not important. so what if no one cares. so what if nobody calls. so what if i dun hear 'i love you' anymore. so what if im just a stepping-stone. so what if no one looks. so what if nobody noes my name. so what if im just a passe. so what if henry rollin's has been my constant companion everynite. so what if i suck. so what if nobody thinks of me. so what if im a bastard. so what if my band sucks. so what if im angry. so what if nobody gives a flying fuck. so what if im emo. so what if im a poser. so what if im always behind. so what if i dont fit the criteria of your perfect companion. so what if im usable and recyclable. so what if im trash. so what if nobody buys anything. so what if i dun hear sweet lullabyes anymore. so what if i suck at what i think i do the best. so what if pple leave me behind. so what if there are no stars for me. i still have myself to complain to. this trainwreck is getting old. goddamnit, i need fresh air. i need you. you mutha fucka. i wanna break ur head off. if only u knew how much i enjoy to smell and taste of blood. Thursday, June 7, 2001 02:07 a.m. *useless* i guess this is how it feels to be useless. fuck all this 'ill be nice to people so in turn they will be nice to me' shit. fuck all that nonsense. from now on, ill only have to feed myself. must be the stupid 'karate' and 'never-ending story' i watched that made me out to be this way. i dont even noe what im talkin abt nowadays. fuck that. and fuck everything else. oh, and for all those who 'cared', it is confirmed that im actually graduating. i got the 3 marks i needed. I am the flying-saucer man. From another world, trapped on yours until they came to rescue me. The saucer will land, Jimi Hendrix and John Coltrane will open the hatch and tell me to get in before someone tries to blow up the ship. I'll just ask them what took them so long. Within seconds we'll be out of here. Wednesday, June 6, 2001 02:02 a.m. *secrecy* dont pretend. never ever pretend to me. cos i can open u wif my eyes. dont ever ignore me. cos i will eat u up. and chew ur insides the way i do meat. wif ur blood still oozing out. never, ever,.. be on my left side. cos u now where u will be after the song. i was so blinded. u never came to me. i was so flattered u called me a friend. point being 'called'. meaning in the past. tell u what, we were never one. i jus feel like pulling of your fingernails,.. and inserting needles on ur exposed flesh. i guess thats how much i cared for you. be happy. now im looking. be real. Tuesday, June 5, 2001 12:35 a.m. *inner rock star* sorry. im bored. so here we go. joseph roberts, your inner rock star is Tommy Lee Rock on! The rock star in you is bad boy Tommy Lee, and man, you rock. No one will ever accuse you of being too wild and out of control, because they know that it's just a challenge for you. You're the poster boy for the rock 'n' roll jet set, living on the edge without any limits. They love you for taking the big risks and making general mayhem. Your fans live large through your scandalous endeavors and just dream they could be as rough and tough as you. One thing's for sure, you and Tommy know how to have a good time, and you're not afraid to make it last all night long. That's why you're everyone's favorite party fiend. Feed your inner Tommy, and rock hard all night long. hehe. so sue me. Tuesday, June 5, 2001 12:30 a.m. *my super powers* got this link from dewi. tried it, and here are the results. (natasha baby u shld try this one.) Say what? Your superpower is ANIMAL COMMUNICATION! Many people pretend to talk to their pets, but you can really, truly do it. Have you ever mimicked the monkeys or the penguins at the zoo? If you have, you're on your way to becoming a great animal communicator, just like Aquaman with his fishy friends. Some people think animal communication has to be vocal. Not so. Any superhero knows that mental telepathy is where it's at. So while barking at Fido might be fun, it's not the practice you really need. Instead, try thinking like an animal. When you get into the mindset of, say, a squirrel, you'll be able to truly communicate with one. Of course it's a two way street, because you'll be able to understand everything they say back, too. And they've got a lot to tell! Imagine talking to a walrus about the deep ocean or to an ant about life underground. Once you've perfected your superhuman gift, you'll never be without interesting conversation. so now i noe how i can stand my group of friends. hehe... so tell me,.. u want me to pet you??.. Monday, June 4, 2001 12:53 p.m. *dinner* i jus realised.. ive stepped out from the trainwreck. the pple who were wif me at the trainwreck are now dead. dead to oblivion. dead and they fucking hell should stay dead or ill kill them myself. i wonder how does the sound of your head seperating from the body sounds like. cos i bloddy hell want to noe. im curious. maybe ill get a trip from doin that. 2 of you shldnt even exist where i walk. cos i am driving an 18 wheeler and i wldnt even think twice in running u down. mother fuckers. the anger is eating me up, and its all good. i shld be like this more often. maybe the iron will do me good this time. im gonna take out your batteries and eat em up. the bits n pieces that are of your left overs after u blow ur heads off will be part of the stew im cooking for dinner. see the anger. feel the hate. dont come close. of come here baby,.. i'll free you. lets start wif your mouth. i bet that will taste good in stone stew Monday, June 4, 2001 12:34 a.m. *coffee court* had a mighty fine day yesterday. met my baby, anu, and liz. then went to meet wan n nur n.. yana at subway. anyway i was playing wif the free balloons we got on the street. heh. sucked all teh helium. did my impersonations wif my helium induced squeeky *cute* voice. hah. played pool afterward wif the 3 feminine. there were two drunks there boasting and saying stuffs like 'im goonaa beeeat ur arse muthaffuuukcer..!'. we'll i think all of us got pissed and left. said my goodbyes to the 3 and left for pooltix. but i passed by dyfectra's jamming for awhile. watch out for them and their new line-up. i miss the NZ guys. dewi, pul, amran, cowen, satish, gerald, leo, rene, gerard and gloria was there. we played in teams,.. ,me being in team ANACONDA(cowen, gerard, n gloria) and our opponents was team WIRAKA (leo, amran, gerald n rene) . heh. they won. oh well. went to kopitiam after playing pool... were amran, satish n leo were put on trial at the COFFEE COURT. all were charged under section 122 (all the charges were under 122,.. which actually meant ONE TRUTH. get it??..heh). amran was guilty.heh. so was satish until he pleaded insanity wif me being his witness, then the charge was reversed. hahaha. was so much fun. gerald was the DPP for most of the cases. hehe... he also runs the GNN. and GNN's slogan was "if its dirty, and its the truth.. uh.. GNN will report it!"haha. fucking awesome. hehe jus had a mighty lenghty conversation wif my baby(satan). heh. shared secrets. and im goin shopping tomolo!!!!.. and mos prollie at night im meeting khrys.. i miss her alot. its been so long since we've last seen each other,..(close to six mths already). so much stories to trade wif her.. sigh. i miss school. not NYP. but the few pple who made me feel at home in school. sigh. Sunday, June 3, 2001 11:54 p.m. *my angel* can u believe it. i jus cam back home. went for supper wif wan, shoot some balls,.. then ended up behind somerset MRT. was talking abt life,.. when reality hit me. i wasted a perfectly good relationship last year due to the fact i got scared of the relationship itself. i mean, everything was goin fine wif this certain girl(M). M was evrything i wanted a partner... hell,.. even a wife could be. everyday was blyss wif her. i noe, we shouldnt cry over spilled milk. but i bet u noe the feeling of ... like for exapmple, guilt when ur the one who did the wrong thing. if ur the one who spilled it. the guilt always stay. maybe i thought it was so bloody perfect, it cldnt have been real. i chickened out. wan, thanks for talking to me just now. i noe this sound sappy and all,.. but for me its just one of those things that makes me question everything abt me. i tot i was mature enough to handle things. i let her down. i let my mom n her mom down. funny how good things never last. whatever i miss the guys. esp the ones who left for NZ. djo djo too. i miss these pple. they make me feel like im part of sumthing. sumthing special. i wish i cld have joined them. and i bet, the first thing sham will say upon arriving from NZ,.. will be 'FUCKING EXCELLENT!!!!' along wif that cheesy accent of his. hah. life... Saturday, June 2, 2001 05:34 a.m. *....the hardest part it....* are you always that engrossed in things that revolves around you wasn't i even part of your imaginations don't be taken aback by my cover i've been lying about it since we've met no matter how fast i was the thought was the same won't you speak for me or should i open your mouth for you the disgrace that i am shouldn't even bother you i only wish for the better of things knowing how hard it is for you to even look why not try.. to just feel me it's not as if im invisible try taking a swing on the wild side or do you really want to live it this way? 'coz after all, i always was the pityful one but it's gotta be more than this all im asking ,.. take my hand and lead me in this last dance just come down with me and i won't let you down 'coz this time...... .... it'll be more than the last time Friday, June 1, 2001 02:21 p.m. *meaningless* i still havent gotten the all impt call from my lecturer,.. to see whether i'll be able to get my diploma.. fucking worked way to hard to get this.. and if i dont get my diploma,.. i noe im gonna break. simple. i wish the waiting part wasnt always this strenous. i dont wanna go back and do another stupid six mths on the stupid school. i hate NYP. and the pple in it. im not gonna go back there just so i can get another 3 marks. Friday, June 1, 2001 02:14 p.m. |