[toiletthoughts]

and if one day you told me you've been lying. i would believe you. i wouldnt say anything. but i'll just wonder how you managed to lie your whole life.

if you were trying to be depressed, wouldnt you be acting depressed all the time? there'll be no comparisons to make. no bouts of happy then sad. what difference would it make? how would you know if someone was trying to act depressed? how can you actually tell. what if you were trying to act sane. be normal. be stable? the difference in it all? or, try to be happy. be different.

they never make any sense.

[beep]

robot@impservice.com >> add to your msn list.
or you can go see the link. :)
its amusing :) heh. info courtesy of yinkae.

[=)]

lalala~ there's ice cream in the fridge. hiak. :D "mugger toad" d says. humph. if i dont mug what else can i do? just sit there slack and watch myself fail???? bleah. do you really want to hurt me - culture club. nice title i dont really like the song though. shrugs. title caught my notice anyhow. class 95 songs sounds the same after let's see...2 hours? i think. :X humph. im slow. :( on my 5th ke after what? almost 3 hours plus? sigh. how am i going to finish 20 by today. okay. shant whine anymore. :P hiak. icecreamicecream lalalalala. exams are fattening. :/ i want to go down to swim. :( humph. notimenotimenotime.

[rant]

stupid guy. stop throwing your tantrums. who offended you? bLEAH. >:O bah.

[muglikecrazy]

lalala. new glasses feels werd. not much difference la. come to think of it. sigh. wasted money. oh well. herm. not much i can do about it now.

pal·at·a·ble Pronunciation Key (pl-t-bl) adj.

Acceptable to the taste; sufficiently agreeable in flavor to be eaten.
Acceptable or agreeable to the mind or sensibilities: a palatable solution to the problem

grins. shallmuglikehelltoday. no choice. today's the last day. :( diediediediediediediediediedie.

when i think of you
i dont know what to do
when will i see you again
i miss you like crazy

hm. moffatts - miss you like crazy

bleah. better hurry up go study. keep slacking. :| sigh. somebody help me with chemistry - acids salts bases. and and and ..... :X nvm.

[quiz : what element are you]


What Element Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

bleah. im such a quiz freak. :X

[quiz: which magical order are you]


Which Magical Order Are You In?
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[esplanaderox]

woohoo. i love LOVEEEEeeeeee city hall. :) gort suntec raffles city, and esplanade! hiak. library@esplanade is soooo damn nice except that you cant study there (kinda) unless it's at the cafe. and the whole place is sooo nice (IMO) scenery rocks. i love the view. :) AHh. :) hehe. definitely including it in after exams plan. esp the night scenery.

went to suntec from morning. kinda waited for marian (grouch) for a longlonglonglongtime. humph. i should have slept instead. kinda wasted the whole morning away. saw mrs yak at suntec city food court. and she was like "don't you all have to study?" bleahhh. we were going to study. i finished 5 kes (damn pathetic) cos i started at 4 to about 7. :) hee. so lan right? heck. esplanade is soooooo nice. can i go on about it again? grins. cant see the sunset though. but woah. nice. :) lalalala. durian head it may be, shrugs. it's nice. i dont care what show i watch, i just wanna watch something in there. :) hiak. oh ya, the lift is so nice too! lol. nice is so -bleah= should widen my vocab. grins.

kinda like hav to piah 20 more ke plus chengyu plus everything else. soooooo shiate. nevermind. it's 1 more day to exams plus 8 more days to freedom!!! can't wait. :)

[apples. =P]

damnit. im suPPPPPPPOSEd to be studying. argh. :( ya. fine. im lazy. no self control i say. bleah. dont like all them insects including spiders. :( bLEAH. what's wrong with apples? :(

[quiz: what sort of romantic are you]


What Sort of Romantic Are You?
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[quiz: what do other people see you as?]


What do other people see you as?
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w e i r d o.

[quiz: which garbage song are you (1st)]


Which Garbage Song Are You?
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quiz 1.

[quiz: which garbage song are you]


Which Garbage Song Are You?
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[quiz: are you seme or uke]

Are you seme or uke? Find out!

[goodgirl. =P]

hiak. tiffany - if love is blind. :) lol. hermm. yeH. we got into choral night. i dont know if that's supp to be good or bad you know............. :P jk deb. you would so KILL me if i said it was bad. :P hee. ooh nice song too. lol. tina turner. shrugs. lalala. went to kap to study after school. well KINDA after school. we took forever to decide where to go plus carying a HUGE LOAD of stuff. i mean lots. its like 1 big box plus 8 files at first. then i managed to find a bigger box. supp to share cab with khin then managed to get my dad to come pick me. :) hee. we squeeeeezed into the car. stupid ella started talkin alot of things she shouldnt be saying. my marmie listens to what we're talking about you know... maybe? :( bad girl. :P:P:P

hiak. i finished 6 ke. quite pathetic. but STILL ITS 6 kes can? supp to finish 11 kes today. must jia you!!!!!! :P sorry this is very horrible english, if you can even qualify it to be english. shrugs. okay. parents are home. its lateeee. should go study and shower. stinky me. :P cya.

[gerbera =)]

nice gerbera in orchard costs more than in coro. :( looks pretty. it's orange :) i wanted the rose but should be easier to pluck the petals of gerbera. sigh. poor thing gonna's be bald tomorrow. :( when miche goes "he loves me he loves me not" SIGH. :( wasted flower.

[quiz: what flavour are you.]



everybody seems to get this one. is there anything else besides this one?

[anothersadlovesong]

saw c online. :) its been ages. well kinda. shrugs. nvm. bish. BADGIRL. :(

its another sad love song ... i dont know whats the rest of the lyrics. khin doesnt know what it is. liz neither i think. :( its a nice song. :D likenicesongsliddat. liz went on a eating binge today. as in really. haiyo. sigh. dont know whats wrong with my body. having lotsa lotsa probs. herm. cant be stress can it?

i NEED MOTIVATION TO STUDY damnit. :( im sick already. so so so damn sick of chinese. oh i failed. got my ca marks. i got a probably c5 now c4 mark. sigh. this sux. i should be studying for my science nowwwwwwwwww......

love my piano pieces. :) its nicenicenicenice. really. i prefer sad pieces. :) they appeal to me more. as in minor keys la. but they always end up modulating to major so its kinda not that nice. dont like it when it modulates all over the place with the same melodic pattern but diff. notes. ish irritating. herm. i hope im done with obsessing. but cant study anyway. so sicKKkkkkkk of studying. cant wait till after nextnextmon. then it'll be 6 days hols. :) mr tan's a pIG. :( humph. nvm. he put incomplete. BLEAH. its notes!!! fine nvm.

i asked siok and steph today. if you know somone who cuts, the person is someone you care about or your friend/family/etcetc what will you do. siok gave me a very bochap ans. she said i dont care about anybody but my family. and if its my family just tell my mom then she'll bring ___ (sibling) to doctor and psychiatrist/shrink. told her she was very !!!! how can not care at all like i mean. i dont know la. then she just didnt know what to do. and she said religion and this and that. then finished off with i cant be a shrink la. dont ask me. i wont know what to do. SOMETHING liddat. not exactly quoting. hope i din say anything wrong. then the 2 of them started kinda making fun of religion and all. not really. but. i dontknowhowtosayit. sigh. nvm. ah well.

no siok aint as bad as i made her out to be. sorry. i dont know how else to say it. but nah, she's just siok. she's not that bad. dont believe me. im just a damned liar.

muz go search for the lyrics and mp3 for that song. ishhhh nice. :) stupid screwy flash didnt have the font in yam's com. :( it looked VERY UGLY. bleah. hiaK. the song's by toni braxton i think - another sad love song. niceeee. :D ooh. heh. i have it. :)

[quiz: the flower quiz]

[damnit]

ive been through all that. there is something seriously wrong with me. its not helping. damnit. it was just one stupid mistake. :(

[guiltyconscience]

i wont ever stop feeling guilty for being like this. ever. its useless. i try and try and tried. time and time again.
still guilty.

mom just got home. was talking to gab just now. kinda was supposed to be studying and all that for exams next week. she seems bothered by all the people being depressed and all. and them being happy seemingly but somehow keep being depressed in their blogs and all that. says she is naive. is she? i dont know. dont think so. but everybody has different opinions and all. everybody thinks differently. they face life in their own ways, nobody's the same. sorry gab. it wasnt meant for you. the blogging to read thingae, more for someone else. guess the person didnt get it but you did instead. sorry. dont be too bothered by everything ya? dont let it get to you. maybe you'll understand it someday? i dont know how to say it.

its quite dangerous if you think about it. all that information. everything. shit i still feel so guilty inside. i need mental help desperately. not mental. some help. some form of help.

very sleepy. the studying thing is begining to lose its effect. im getting lazy all over again. self control argh.

[rant(2)]

i seriously need to clean up my inbox. it keeps jamming. stupid phone. :(

im glad it was just play. or so i think. but does that really matter? nah. just made it easier, much.
for me.

i need self control. :P miche!!! hiak. :) nvm. ok. break's over. studying's now.

[gdbye]

maybe after you obsess about it alot,
it just disappears.
maybe.

whatever it is, im glad. :) glad i can go and study now. glad for yesterday :D:D:D hiak. -throws distraction away= pui. goodbye.

[rant]

wise men say, only fools rush in. but i cant help falling in love with you.
stupid khin got this song stuck in my brain. cant get it out. ah well. at least steph will get to listen to another song instead of that one that she's sick of. whether she likes it or not. i dont care. :P she can do her rap stuff. or wadeva. :X hai.

and im running away from it all.

so buzz off, NOW. won't you? grr. stupid mind. >:O

my dad told someone to relax. he should tell me that instead. chill person. CHILL. damn. i want to play my trumpet and blast away. its the closest thing to screaming my lungs out. but its 11. ARGH. >:O

[faxie]

sorry. that was mass sending. but hey, it applies? :P it's cute. :P and yeh, -huggles=. grins.

I AM STRESSED. can't concentrate. argh. no way am i going to screw my exams AGAIN this year. ARGH. go away. shoo you. >:O humph. it's not addiction. :(

damn my phone too. i dont like you. i mean i like you but you're not working well. so what am i supposed to do? :( bleah.

i AM stressed. helphelphelphelphelphelphelp. ineedtostudy40kesin7daysplus250chengyusplussciand10kesadayandionlydid2argharghARGH. >:O i cant wait until its OVER. STEwpiD. :( sorry. i need to fa xie. ARGH.

BAH. go away. i cant concentrate. >:O trust you to choose this time. >:O GO AWAY.

[sinner]

im sorry. im such a damned liar.

[quiz: find your fairy tale character]

I am Chicken Little! Find your fairy tale character at kelly.moranweb.com.

[bleah.]

strike one.
strike two.
strike three.
you're out.
again.

bleahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :(

[freaked]

you end up like that
everytime.
and that's what freaks me out.

[damnyou]

i hate people who get a kick outta messing around with other peoples' minds. ya right, very fun. sure. poor victim(s). nothing but damned hypocrites. i hope you get your retribution. i hope you pay for everything you did. pay dearly.everything comes with a price. sure. fun's fun and all. wadeva. wadeva makes you happy. he was right, all along.

current: « sam² » killing me softly / i never said i was sane / damn you

damn y o u

[brat]

you always give me the feeling that you're not listening. i dont know if that's true. i dont like that feeling.

i know. im a brat.

i like ms lim's definition of love: it's a decision. cos it starts with infatuation and just like feeling. then feelings always fade somehow. then its your decision if you want to give him/her your 'all'. kinda. still, its a new definition. i like it. :)

[love?]

hehe. i love my brother!!!! :D:D:D he's so cute. very funny too. grins. :) lalalala~

[kissbyarose]

Ba da ba da da da ah ya ya...

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.

But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and,
The light that you shine can be seen.

Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh,
The more I get of you
Ooh

Stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey.

There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
there's so much inside.

You remain,
you.......

My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny..
yeah.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?

But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.

Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Been kissed from a rose on the grey.

Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
stranger it feels, yeah.

Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey,

I've been kissed by a rose on the grey,
I've been kissed by a rose
Been kissed by a rose on the grey.


*seal - kiss by a rose

love this song. :) alot alot aLot. though the lyrics dont make that MUCH sense to me. its from batman forever. :)

[wished]

the problem with eating quite a fair bit THEN going to swim is that when you swim you end up having a little problem. :X bleah.curse my greediness.

sigh. i really wish i could help you. but i dont know how. hmm. you seem better now. im glad. :) very. he's very mean. m e a n. :X sigh. and i want to bish HIM. idiot. he didnt do anything. but. blarh. -flat voice= i dont like him. cant stand it. regrets are wasted. :X

[.]

its not even funny anymore.

i am obsessed. obsessed about how much i dislike you.

current: « sam² » killing me softly / numbed and emotionless

[quiz: what number are you]


Take the quiz here!

[quiz: what type of villian are you]

What Type of Villain are You?
mutedfaith.com / <º>

[quiz: what is your alter-ego personality]

What is your Alter-Ego Personality?

[cslewis]

k said this for you:

"The rule for us all is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you "love" your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him."

~ C.S. Lewis

[quiz: seven deadly sins]



really? nah.

[pig]

was depressed after school. popped by venezia. had one waffle 2 scoops ice cream shared, 3 scoops of ice cream, one bar of chocolate. am i a pig or what? i need to go exercise. -grouch= thats the bad thing. "pay to get fat" - ella.

chocolate + ice cream = happy food

feeling much much better now. of course, the phone call kinda helped, however surprising it was. :)

[quiz: what element are you]

[quiz: do you give a fuck]

Do you give a fuck?
This quiz style was designed by alanna, adapted by Batfish Designs, and created by Missanthropy

[critic's joke]

The Cynic's Guide To Life

1. Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.
4. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
7. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
8. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
9. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the "What-ever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back- of-the-fridge-is" group.
10. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
11. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!
12. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.
13. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.
14. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
15. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel, it's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.
16. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
17. Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't you can't wait to throw up.

*from zhixuan in the mail. its supposed to be a joke. :X

[wasted]

shiate. its always like that. the same old story. :X nevermind. i can pretend it doesnt bother me. i can pretend that i dont care. its okay. it cant hurt me. it wont hurt me. all that wasted effort time energy. why did i even hope it wont be the same this time? useless right from the start. i shouldnt have even bothered. or tried. wasted efforts. empty hope. this is some nightmare. my life's a nightmare. one after another. all tycos. all rubbish. its always the same thing. im sick of it.

[sleepless]

they all dont sound too happy. :X herm. be open to other choices yeh? :) there's still a long way to go, there's no way to go back, just gotta look forward and learn from your mistakes.

another mugging night. i swear im going to kill myself one day. today was bad enough. i could barely keep my eyes open throughout the whole day. maybe i'll fall sick, then i'll be free... for one day. :)

[quiz : what do you wear to bed]

What Do You Wear to Bed?

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[selfnotothers]

Don't you understand? You don't write blogs for the sake of people reading it but you write them for yourself. That's the point isn't it? If you write for people to read it, I don't see the point. You might not even write what you feel, just what you want people to view you as, to think that you are, to know about you. It's such an ego thing. ARGH. There was this article by this man, i forgot his name, he said people blogged for 3 reasons. 1. To boost your own ego. 2. To live out your fantasy life which you can't live in real life. and 3. i forgot what it was. it was all nothing good, i have to admit. and you're not making it any better.

tell me, what is the point of blogging if you blog it for people's reading benefits? bah.

edit: it was just my own personal opinion. sure, ya, person's choice. i have nothing more to say. do people write diaries so that one day somebody will open their diary to read it?

[colorgenics]

You have exaggerated demands on life but you are cautious enough to try to hide these beliefs from the outside world. You are covert enough to try to impress other people around you with your achievements and at the same time able to put on an act of pretending to be 'humble' - being the same as everyone else. It would appear, however, that whatever you are doing seems to be working out O.K.

You are an emotional and sensitive person. You are inclined to delight and wallow in all things that give pleasure to your senses but nevertheless your tastes are refined and you reject anything that is indecent or vulgar.

You know what you want and you are very dogmatic and demanding - especially in your emotional demands. You have specific ideas and beliefs and if these beliefs are not realised you can become extremely frustrated. You may not be that perfect but you are looking for perfection with the perfect partner.

From every direction there appear to be unwarranted restrictions on your freedom of action and this is producing considerable stress. You're really looking for independence and freedom from any restriction and therefore avoiding any obligations or anything which might prove hampering. You are being subjected to considerable pressures and you would like nothing better than to escape from them but you tend to lack the necessary strength of purpose to succeed in this. Whichever way you turn you are being frustrated. You need to be free to do your 'thing' in your own way.

You are fed up with other people trying to influence you and you also feel that it is necessary to protect yourself from the threat that your independence and freedom may be restricted. You would just like to be left alone.

You feel worn out - you have no energy and your depleted vitality has created intolerance for any further stimulation. You feel inadequate and this subjects you to agitation, irritation and acute distress from which you try to escape by refusing further direct participation. You have become very wary and cautious but you have an inner strength. You have that determination to get your own way and succeed in the end.

i still like colorgenics.

[fastfwd]

so tired. i wanna drop dead and not touch the hssrp proposal. i just wanna give up like that. :S sigh. the home ec. bag looks shit too.

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&ncid=1212&e=1&u=/nm/20020919/tc_nm/tech_smiley_dc&sid=95573503 :D hehe. (from jy)

sigh. another new day in 7 mins. another new sleepy day. i really wanna fast fwd. cmon move tape. why isnt the fast fwd button working. >:O

[frown]

y o u disgust me.

[angel. heh]

hehe. so fun to freak people out. after you got freaked out yourself la. i really jumped outta my seat k. wasnt expecting it. :( stupid cheryl.

-sadistic laugh= muahahaha. :D:D:D:D: :PPPPP

[cynic?]

y: i'm not a cynic
y: i juz believe that this world is one big fat hypocritical self consolatory escapist farce
y: its embracing the truth
y: not cynicism
y: which is why most people refuse acceptance of the devil
y: because of the refusal to acknowledge his humanity
y: which is why they wrapped him in paper, put a halo in his head, and allowed him to dominate the world and satirise our pathetic existence from upstairs
y: its almost shameful

o.O

[]

Doing proposal form for hssrp. :D hehe. it's 2. gaCK. i need to sleep. not now but tomorrow i'll pay the price.

[obsessed]

khin says im obsessed. she's obsessing too. :P

[stoned]

i used up my laughter quota earlier in the day. so stoned. so so so stoned.

current nick : « sam² » killing me softly / cant cry hard enough / dreams are my reality / you know you're killing me / so stoned

i still like the song alot. i hope i dont get sick of it that quickly.

[slammednoT]

hm. i never noticed. how much you liked to talk about yourself. and i wonder why i never noticed. its like everyone. but i never noticed specifically. and the topic's somehow always becoming about you. you-related.

i dont like it when i talk about something that is black pot calling kettle black. then again it makes sense. i dont like it. but thats why i dont like it in myself too. and i didnt ever like myself that much either. i dont like to get slammed.

nothing has to make sense. the world just has to go round? signs that i should be slping. i feel as if i sound like a drunkard. whats it like to be drunk eh. now i wanna know. i wanna try. but no beer. beer tastes bad. awfully bad.

[killingmesoftly - i really like that song]

no wonder. i'll survive, ya, sure. i always do. in the end, it'll be fine. in the end, everything will be hopefully fine? i feel as if i died.

stab me
where i hurt most

and then again, that's not exactly the wisest of things to say, right? but its okay. im sam. that's my name. i'll survive. i always do. its all a matter of choice. right?

i know im not making sense. i dont feel as if im making sense. heh. i woke derek. he was supposedly slping or sth. ah well. its late. i should have expected him to be slping. i expect them all to understand. do i? it seems almost as if i do. ya right. as if they'll know what im talking about. if i cant exactly figure that clearly myself.

too many blanks. too many unspoken words.
i died when they died.

[reality]

guess what. if you didnt talk so much. i might have imagined otherwise. but now, just like so many others. dreams arent supported by reality. not dream i mean. jus thinking. mentally. thus proven wrong.

and then i realise. how wrong i am. how wrong i was.

reality hits so hard.

edit: i dont like you either. i need pillows. pillows are good for venting. you dont give a damn. i knew it all along. :) i was right. im glad. im very glad.

re-edit: its normal right? then you return to the topic of yourself again. yea, sure. :)

sam once said something along the lines of smilies dont mean anything. its just a ":)" or a ":D" or something. its just an icon. that's all. it doesnt imply reality.

re-re-edit: let's change the cassette yeh? say something different. :) you contradict yourself.

[smile]

he never fails to put a smile to my face. no matter what. no matter how. just smile. sad smile happy smile real smile fake smile. just a smile.

[iforgot]

feels like a childish brat. she's so boring. she is. i read through it. she is. and she thought she wasnt. she has a warped mind. i dont like her then, i dont like her much now either. but. still gotta accept it.

she's me.

forgot everything. every single thing. i dont know what it means anymore. i dont know the context it is held in. how does khin ever remember those dates and days and all that so so so clearly? how? amazes me.

[zerospace]

nothing. talking about nothing. ranting about nothing.

why do i have the feeling im gonna breakdown.

soon.

maybe it's jus a cycle. some phase. maybe its supposed to be normal.

i want you to come online. you dont have to talk. just come online. any of you.

[...]

Nevermind. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Everything is nothing but an illusion and a dream.

[Control is impt]

I wanna slap her and tell her to stop trying so hard. To wake her up, and ask her what the heck is she doing. To tell her to stop faking it. Not faking faking, but faking acting. Trying so hard. ARGH. Even she did not provoke this much in me, so why her? I hate it. I'd rather she returned to who she used to be.It's not as if I actually have any right. It's not as if I might not deserve something close to that too. I don't have any right. But it's still getting to me. I want to shake her hard and wake her up. To ask her what's wrong. WHY. argh.

siok's got me.

[And sometimes]

And sometimes I really can't stand her. I tell myself time and time again, tolerance, patience. Not like I have the right anyway. She's human too. But sometimes, she really pisses the shit outta me. Not extremely, just in the little things she does. It just irritates me. I'm horrible. Argh. She doesn't do anything to me. But it's just her. And I know what she is doing... maybe I am doing the same. And I have no right. I shouldn't. I musn't. I can't. Yet, I can't stand her, but like all the rest, I just fake it.

Just fake everything.

Who do you want me to be? Who should I be today? Take a pick, the happy the sad? Or the neutral? The enthu one, the dontgiveashitimtrying one? Which one. There are too many to choose from. Take your time. Take my time, I've got too much time, to consider and decide.

And people just got a hold on me. The words they say, their actions, everything. I can't not believe it. I can't say I'm not. I am. I am a pushover. Shitit. I hate being one. I hate being so easily influenced by what people say, anything?!?! Everything. Even by the smallest comment. Someone said, I think Ell, that I shouldn't care so much. Why am I caring so much. Give me an answer?

Oh. And I'm starting to believe that, guys are better than girls. Some. They don't bitch so much. Well, sometimes. They're friendlier. More tolerant too, some. I don't know. Its the whole thing? Blarh.

[quiz : what fantasy creature are you? (2)]

What fantasy creature are you? Find out Here

[quiz : what fantasy creature are you?]

What fantasy creature are you? Find out Here

[love?]

Would you believe me if i said i didnt believe in love? If i said i didnt believe in BG(R) love lasting? 'Cos everything has a begining, and an ending no matter what. It's never gonna last forever, which is why I don't understand how marriages can last? Well, some. Maybe you live with the person for so long, you depend on the person and you don't know how to live without the person? Maybe. But it's gotta have an ending no matter what right? What goes up comes down, a begining with an ending, to every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. And I don't mean ending as in death, cos they say that even after the person dies, the love still remains? How? Won't it fade? Probably, but still have some there? A touch to it? Don't know what I'm ranting about.

[quiz : what sex position are you]

[time]

crapcrapcrapCRAP. i was supp to finish my homework. be a good girl. study in advance for tomorrow's chinese test AND maths test. sigh. computer is distracting. :( didnt do work. played with flash for ite. sigh. SIGH. >:O wheres my time? i want it back... NOW! humph.

[dieded]

Everybody's dying. Dying off the net. I guess it's kinda cos of the exams and usual mus mug stuff. :~( Can't wait for the exams to shooflyshoo go disappear poof. I wanna fast forward this tape, fast forward to past the exams to christmas period. i <3 christmas. :D but its broke time too. shrugs. its nice. :) i wanna see REAL snow. not that lousy thing i saw when i was in p3 in switzerland. :( REAL snow. :( the one that siok described. sigh.

[blarh.]

as much as i kinda well love my bro, i feel like giving him a BIGSMACK so that he'll wake up and stop being a pain in the butt.

ihopethisisjustaphaseihopethisisjustaphaseihopethisisjustaphase...

bleah. heZ so rude. attitude problem. >:O oh no. i hope i wasnt like that last time. herm. siGh. ARGH. maybe someone will slam him, so that he'll wake up and be nice again. grr...

somethings wrong with me. i like people who are down better than those who are up. well kinda. maybe cos these people are easier to talk to, get to know, and they seem kinda more real? darno. oh and all the songs these days seem to run along the same line. love breakup thats kinda normal. but the real vs fake thing. like its their selling point? dontknow. :| ah well. i like MOV. :D:D:D lit is for shakespeare. if you dont study shakespeare wads that poinT!?!

bleah. i shouldnt type in sticky tabs. its irritating to look at. should practise what i preach... right?

[hee]

hehe. went for my mom's cousin's son's wedding yesterday. beauty and the beast. :| nevermind. :X not that bad anyway. hm. that makes him my cousin right? ah well, its his last son, finally. they all got married. hiak. held at imm convention hall or something. it started like 9??? bleah. we went at 730 and waitwaitwaited all the way. ended about 11 plus reached home 12 plus. SIGH. there goes my saturday night. ooh, my cousin brought her boyfriend. hiakhiakhiak. -evil grin= hez from sg poly, formally sji. :P got 8 pts for o's but went to poly to do chemical engineering or something. she's 16. lol. and i din say anything to him at all except bye. :P lalalala. he din even look 18 for gdness sake. he still looked like a lil boyboy. :) grin. ah well, decent enough i guess. quite nice la. shouldnt say so many bad things. :P hee.

most amusing. like hello? come wedding??? erm. nevermind. and i do so pity ok maybe not pity but... well... those people who've never been to weddings. grins. wanna bring them, but it's kinda impossible right? hiakhiak. nevermind. its a red bombshell. they'll go to one next time. friends' weddings etcetc. :)

weddings are fine. alot of eatineatineatin. grins. i lost 2KG!!!! hiak. does blood weigh alot? i wonder. oh and weddings are sometimes kinda depressing la. ah well. this one had not as many nicenicelovesongs as the last one. shrugs.

oh ella? that book? grins. must return to my class k. nicenicebook. :P i like the di tie one tooooooo. just that they're all not ThAt cheap else i would consider buying. shrugs. ish nice. :)

resisted temptation. did my madz papers :):):) still left one though. sci and cme. hiAK. and its UNFAIR! how come the other two classes get to do pair/group work for their political cartoons while we dont? humph. bIAs. :( still have ite flashy stuff plus i wanted a new layout. sigh. ah well, im late anyway. :|

me == the procrastinator.

[imperfectenglish]

ARGH! after like trying not to sucumb (how dEr heck do you spell it?) to temptation for like almost a week, i fail. :( bleah. ah well. back to square one. its a bad habit. :(

gotta run off for some wedding dinner at imM. realised i DONT have any more dresses. i only hAd like 2? both were tOOOOOOO small liao. heCk. i only use them for like those SUPER formal occasions, weddings, when everybody wearing like WHOa and u walk in in jeans and tee. :( so no choice. aeish. got so much work to do and STUDY!!!! argh. notimenotimenotime.

[guilty]

sigh. shiate. i keep doing this. just making myself feel guilty. crapcrapcrapcrapcRAP. wad de heck is wrong with me? freak. i need help.

oh and marian? that book that ella lent u. iz her book? :P its some chinese book right? heh. :)

[yay :D]

muahahaha. i got a new com. pentium 4 i think. :) but some of my mp3s disappeared, and my programs, and my BOOKMARKS! argh. :'( ah well. a new clean start. :) hiak.

[freakin com]

argh. screw this com. its like. browser not working. this not working. everything aint working. i cant even get into hotmail. >:O humph. i cant wait for the com to go get repaired and hopefully come back tomorrow night. sigh. even this page has errors. ARGH!!!

[muddle]

shitified. screw it. i think i lost my TKAMB. ARGH. there's a test on saturday. how der HECK am i supposed to study for it now?! oman. :| bleah. this is so NOT the time to be absent minded. sigh.

and im dropping hair like i dunno wad not really dropping, literally pulling them out. sigh. stress eh? grins. :|

[11.09.2002]

sometime last year on this day, yup, sounds cliched and all, it was THE 11th sept. alot of chaos, first knew abt it on the net, didnt think much of it at that point of time, cos it jus seemed like a usual thing, plane crashing and all. then someone i forgot who, told me how serious it was. and the world came crashing down, kinda. next day, eng/lit teacher came into class banged her stuff on the table, and started ... well... talking very jidongly. erm. ya. miss her. :X

it wont happen again this year right? well, not the teacher part anyway, she disappeared outta the school. was talking, kinda, about this today on the way to KAP. marian and ell were saying something about it being kinda a paradox. ah well. :X shrugs. i hope not.

[magicforeal?]

OMF. did you watch tv just now? Gawd. There was this programme - David Blaine street magic. OUCH. how der heck does he do all that? levitation?!?!?!?! i mean, card tricks are one thing, but... levitation? (not too sure abt the spelling) omY. o.O

[quiz : find your inner pie]

find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com

ergh. for some reason. i dont like the way they phrase it. :X

set adrift on 08:18 p.m. Wednesday, September 11, 2002 . gbook .

[destars?]

do the stars really work?

i never believed in them. im not sure if i do now. but it's kinda starting to influence me. not say influence, jus... have some kinda effect on me? as in im starting to bother abt it? i dont know. freak. this is crazy. it was never like this before. but then again, if it goes ur way, you believe it. if it doesnt, you'll just say its all rubbish, right? well, for me, yes. i dont know. argh. guess what? i never wanted to be a taurus. from young. now? i dont know.

sheesh. quite lame. ah well. :X hi david :P its up to you whether you wanna be honoured or not. :P:P:P

sigh. no no no no no NO. i promised myself. it's gotta work. it should be this way. i cant break my promises. i shouldnt.

set adrift on 11:25 p.m. Tuesday, September 10, 2002 . gbook .

[kenneth?]

hehe. kenneth CAN?! scary person. :( bleahhhh.

am i very obvious? oh no. :( dont wanna be obvious. bleah. shall not be obvious. :P to khin.

set adrift on 12:07 a.m. Tuesday, September 10, 2002 . gbook .

[lovesickNOT]

d : u nvr feel love sick b4 arh
i : i == stone
i : stone == no feelings
i : i == no feelings

set adrift on 11:33 p.m. Monday, September 9, 2002 . gbook .

[kid?]

hee. ella, k wanted to see my webpage. :e grins. he == super. can make me say things i intended not to say. :X ah well. besides the pt.

"my name is samantha."
"i am five years old this year." -shows 5 fingers=
"what is your name?"
"my mummy say i must be polite."
"did your mummy teach you too?"

:$ nevermind.

set adrift on 11:28 p.m. Monday, September 9, 2002 . gbook .

[nobodyknowsitbutme]

The nights are lonely,
the days are so sad.
And I just keep thinking about
the love that we had...
and I'm missin' you.
And nobody knows it but me.

*tony rich project - nobody knows it but me

nice song. :) in no context. heard it on the radio few days ago.

set adrift on 12:57 a.m. Monday, September 9, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz : find your beauty aura]

~Find Your Beauty Aura~

i have a feeling this goes somewhere along the lines of conservative. :P they should have EXPLANATIONS and not just word. bah.

set adrift on 12:35 a.m. Monday, September 9, 2002 . gbook .

[Sometimes]

Sometimes, I feel as if I do miss you.
Sometimes.
It gets to me.
Sometimes, I wonder how life would have been different.
How different it would have been if it was a different decision.
If we went different ways, different paths.
But, that's just.
Sometimes. All what if's. All in the past.
Everything's different now. Unchangeable. Untouchable.
What if's don't work.

set adrift on 10:03 p.m. Sunday, September 8, 2002 . gbook .

[screwed]

Stupid Sparknotes is down. I still have my lit essay, 1/2 chi zuowen 2 history worksheets, one zhouji and 2/3 a maths paper. ARGH! I'm so going die. Screwed. And I have to go out for dinner now. Damn. :(

set adrift on 06:25 p.m. Sunday, September 8, 2002 . gbook .

[chambermusic]

The Chamber Repertory 3 totally rocked. :) The Clarillusion was werd. But definitely weird in a positive way, totally original, different, nice. :D I like the script. :) Wanna see it, 'cos I didn't manage to catch some parts. Heh. They left the best for the last, well, kinda best. :) The flute solo played jazzy sun yan zi songs. :) Hee. And they played my grade 6 piano exam piece. Heh. The slow slow song. LOL. So nice. :) Held at nygh too. Hiak. Rocks, chamber music is nice, but i still like it as a whole band. :)

Managed to find Mammon Inc. and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxyn in the library today. :) Reading Mammon Inc., have a feeling I'm going to sleep way late tonight. Borrowed this book called "Diary of an old mad man" too. Interesting title. :) I forgot the last book I borrowed. shrugs. YAY!

Tomorrow's sunday. Then it'll be monday all over again. BLARH. Hello? What kinda holidays is this? I want more!!! I didn't get to watch "About a Boy" yet. Humph. Forget it, perfect sentences is taxing. Argh. :( I foresee a late night tomorrow, piahing homework.

Ooh and P.S: Chris? Argh. I forgot you were going for the chi drama, my kor was playing the bass clarinet. Hehe. Nevermind.

Don't like Confucious, smart as he may be. He's SEXIST! Humph. >:O

set adrift on 12:10 a.m. Sunday, September 8, 2002 . gbook .

[shouldnt]

have i ever mentioned how much i hated my father? Sigh. Shoudn't. It's always morals, conscience, shouldn't musn't ought not to. That doesnt change anything. Just the things in black and white.

set adrift on 11:02 p.m. Friday, September 6, 2002 . gbook .

[hiak]

Beaten at his own game

i asked my friend for an example of a paradox. :D

set adrift on 09:41 p.m. Friday, September 6, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz : which stupid online quiz are u]

What stupid online quiz are you?

set adrift on 09:25 p.m. Friday, September 6, 2002 . gbook .

[huh?]

like...

huh?

set adrift on 11:58 p.m. Thursday, September 5, 2002 . gbook .

[jaded]

http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=jaded

jad·ed Pronunciation Key (jdd) adj.
> Worn out; wearied: “My father's words had left me jaded and depressed” (William Styron).
> Dulled by surfeit; sated: “the sickeningly sweet life of the amoral, jaded, bored upper classes” (John Simon).
> Cynically or pretentiously callous.

previous nick : « sam² » wish i woke up late and wasted my life away
current nick : « sam² » so jaded

set adrift on 10:21 p.m. Thursday, September 5, 2002 . gbook .

[disrespect]

My dad has an attitude problem. Well, I have one too. My bro has one too. See the resemblance? -rollseyes= Bleah. It's just the same bad traits. Honestly, I don't respect my father as much as I used to, because he doesn't seem to deserve it anymore. The way he talks, treats people, the whole attitude thing, gets on my nerves. And I know I do it too, so that makes that even worse. Including what ella wrote before, about the moral rights. big Sigh.

I remember I had something to say just now. Just that singtel was being idiotic and made me wait 15 mins for this thing to load, so much so I forgot. It shouldn't have been that important then. I'll remember it later. Oh well.

Stable is good. Quite. But you'll still fall anyway. Just... less often? Possibly.

set adrift on 10:12 p.m. Thursday, September 5, 2002 . gbook .

[goodbye]

One by one, they're leaving. All going. Dropping off, disappearing... Like those green bottles...
And there's no time to say goodbye.

I hate it when they leave without saying anything. Just -poof= disappear outta here forever. It's always like this. The same old story.

set adrift on 09:25 p.m. Thursday, September 5, 2002 . gbook .

[forgotten]

It's been so long I almost forgot what it felt like. Been so long, I forgot about it, the possibility of it. Yet, somehow, maybe it's good to remember. That way, it'll be better. For me.

They say beggars cant be choosers.

But I fear the unknown.

set adrift on 09:45 a.m. Thursday, September 5, 2002 . gbook .

[broke]

Kinda slacked off my whole day. Basically screwed my piano exams, the examiner was last year's!!! He only just passed me last year. So... ergh. :( I think i will fail. Oh wait, not think. Am sure. Sigh.

Rushed down to KAP to meet my classmates to practise for choral night. We did 1% work 99% slack. Watched matrix. Hehe. I still love Matrix. :D:D:D Can't wait for next year june. :)

Later, went off to meet liz at school bus stop before heading for Lido to find Marian. She was late! Our phones died, we were freakking out trying to get hold of her. Sigh. The importance of having a working phone, I now realise. :S In the end, watched Lilo and Stitch and Cine. It's quite nice. The trailer was so misleading. :) I cried Shush. Bought presents. Feel so so SO broke. :S I can't go out anymore, tomorrow. Wanted to watch about a boy. Oh well, homework time. :X And i can't decide which present to give whom. They seem to fit fine in all ways. Sigh.

I hate feeling broke.

set adrift on 11:04 p.m. Wednesday, September 4, 2002 . gbook .

[rebound]

me == dont like to catch the rebound.

set adrift on 11:14 p.m. Tuesday, September 3, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz : how are you smart]

How Are You Smart?

set adrift on 07:00 p.m. Tuesday, September 3, 2002 . gbook .

[laoauntie]

omAN. im so blur. bleah. i cant believe i searched like crazy for this thing that was right in front of me all the way. ARGH! (screams) damnit. im really getting old. keep losing stuff. cant find anything. misplace things. sigh. cant you see the white hair? k is right. auntie liao. hai.

set adrift on 12:08 a.m. Tuesday, September 3, 2002 . gbook .

[itsahappyday]

wherez ella?

current nick : « sam² » fake it like they all do

and im so over you. and that makes me happy. :)

set adrift on 01:07 a.m. Monday, September 2, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz : what random phallic object are you?]

Which random phallic object are you?
Quiz by Andrea.

set adrift on 11:46 p.m. Sunday, September 1, 2002 . gbook .

[=)]

hiak. i washed my toilet. :) hee. very pleased. no more dirty toilet. lalalala~ and YES i wash my own toilet. i dont have no maid or mom who would wash my toilet for me you know? my poor mom has enough to handle without me nagging her to wash MY dirty toilet for me. :X besides, i can tolerate it. im the only one using it. hehe. :)

saw this woman who was the mom of one of my nursery friends. she's so nice! i love people who are so frank. and you can just feel it. the sincere warm heartedness, she's very smiley and REALLY smiley. like :D yay. i love her! she's so nice. and straight forward. like straight away no faking it, trying to cover up, no i dont like him. :D <3 her. :D:D:D yay for people like that.

darn. didnt touch my overdue homework. having history and doc's apptment tomorrow. heck. :) i have... the week. woohoo! i love holidays. hee~

set adrift on 10:52 p.m. Sunday, September 1, 2002 . gbook .

[searchinforsonglyrics]

about to scream and give up. cant seem to find the song title or singer for this song which i only know a few lines of its lyrics... something like...
"why don't you do what you do when you did what you did to me..." or "cos i was crazy for you... like you were crazy for me" something like that. sigh. this is hopeless.

set adrift on 06:15 p.m. Sunday, September 1, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz : what retard are u?]

What Retard are you?

set adrift on 03:22 p.m. Sunday, September 1, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz : world of darkness]

Take the World of Darkness Quiz
by David J Rust

set adrift on 03:18 p.m. Sunday, September 1, 2002 . gbook .

[ibrokemypromise]

keep hoping you'll come online.
its useless. know it wont happen.
promised myself it wont happen again.
but shit, its not my choice.
or is it?

set adrift on 12:41 a.m. Sunday, September 1, 2002 . gbook .

[pokethepenguin]

this is very cute. :)

as i said before, familiarity breeds contempt. maybe not always. but. dont know. its amazing how some people who seemed okay before start to get on my nerves. perhaps its just me. and when u start working with certain people or being around certain people, they dont seem like what they seem to be anymore. you just... can't stand them. sigh. bad me. archived my index. got too long. my archives index is in a big mess. so's everything else. heck.

*sarah brightman - scarborough fair
sarah brightman - hijo de la luna
im glad jy liked it. :) its nice. whiter shade of pale too.

marian? u sound happier. :) slightly.

oh its september. im hungry. happy teachers day. saw laoshi today at hans. grins. i bought her a cake then told her i didnt hand up my zuowen. :$ hehe.

set adrift on 12:20 a.m. Sunday, September 1, 2002 . gbook .