comes flooding back @ 100203, 20:17.
[fine-]
fine. im arrogant. shit you. IM NOT ARROGANT. ok. im sick. im coughing. i might give you sars. that's the only thing you're worried about right? that you might get sars right? I DONT GIVE A SHIT do you know that? i dont care if i die today tomorrow or one month later or whatever it may be? so fine. ALL for me you say. oh shadup. its only for yourself. you're just worried about yourself. fine. you have reason to be. ok. im sick. so just chase me out la. i dont CARE. i wish i'd really get it. i wish i would die now. wont that make you so much happier? right? you tell me to be sensible. I WANT my flowers. the only person who'll get sick is me ok? if i die, i dont care ok?
archived: (18032003 - 22:46:34)
Sometimes i wish i would get so sick, so i'd see they really care. Sometimes i wish i'd die, so i know they muz care, right? They should, shouldn't they? Or not?
maybe i was wrong. it doesn't matter anyway. it doesn't matter whether they care anyway. especially him.
[choice]
how many more people must die? the us are sending more people to secure...idont know what. ya fine, so there were already people dying everyday? but. this is different. this is a choice. its not even like the virus where its not a choice? unless you choose to do so. like going out. i mean fine. youre bored you dont care whether you die or live. but. not everyone chooses that? so spare a thought for the people around you? you might not care but their decision might be a different one from yours. you know? sigh. if this all passes. and im still around at the end of the year before 2004? i'll always look back and say that 2003 year indeed was an eventful year. too many things. happening. everything all coming all happening now. one after another? one after another. it still still seems yesterday mrs dee stormed into the class. remember that 1/12? ha. its one memory i'll never give away. my memory. =) memories.
[randomyou]
haha. if it makes you that happy. fine. shant argue with you anymore. make an exception for u. see i love you so much. LOL. :P
you are so silly. so absolutely silly. oh dear.
oh. i love you. a random you.
previous: do you kno i miss you? cry a random you.
[the point is?]
khin? i wanna watch that show too. =(
sam is tired and w e a r y. too tired to argue with you. ha. this is so bu xiang hua. i just wish dunno hu will just send out some virus that will kill everyone at one go instead. the war's going to drag on forever and sars will just kill everyone after a point of time anyway. and even if it wont, there'll be other stuff right? so why not die now. what IS the point of living anyway? i never managed to answer that question. in the past, i tried to find some meaning by trying to make other pple's lives happier cos it gives you some meaning by doing that? and you feel happy when you do that anyway. and accomplish something. then it became living cos. it would selfish to go kill yourself cos there are people around you who do care for you and if you just go like that, its really unfair that they are the ones who bear the brunt of it. well both. i dont know. pointless seemingly never being able to fully answer it and satisfy myself with a truly ... good answer? that i totally believe in.
so then i thought. if thats the case, religion true or not. i chose it. so since i chose the way i go by, then i want people not to die either! i dont want. but im not going to go start preaching or something anyway. its something i can never do anyway. personality conflict plus. i dont know nevermind. it just feels werd. i want them to see it and believe it themselves. cos no amt of talking on my part would help them truly. only if they believe it themselves. sO? i dont know the point of saying it all anyway.
hm. if your friend gets sars, what will you do? it may be the last time u'll see the person already. would you visit the person? your dear friend. =) ponder ponder. they're prob going to extend the holiday right? i dont want school to come back then. then everything's going to fly back into place. fall back into place. CRUmble into place. the mess it already is. dread those strings attached. whats that on the laptop? hm. weird. everybody's going to die anyway. one point or another. just a matter of time. reminds me of the parliment debate i watched that day. haha. some minister said, he kept playing par or something, then his partner just went MOT. then he was quite confused until he got a double boogey? then the other guy smiled or sth and went MOT. then he finally gave up and asked what's MOT. matter of time. =) haha. nvm. ya.
just a fucking matter of time. no point in swearing? it has no meaning. no meaning
someone remind me how im just moodswinging since my moods fluctuating like. like i dont know what. gah. oh and blair? mr bleah? ha. oops. i think maybe i shouldnt post this. it sounded like bleah was ... on the radio just now. nevermind. gah. this is bad.
[survey]
be nice people. =)
Dear all,
Kindly help us complete our survey on blogging for our IRS project at http://www.crystal-reflections.net/~blogproject/ if you are a Singaporean aged 13-18. Please pass on this URL to all your friends as well. Your help is greatly appreciated.
Sarah Hoon
Ang Xin Hui
[bleah.]
cant help feeling highly amusEd. what kinda person are you whO cant unpiss someone urseLf and you have to get someone else to do it? bleah. lol nvm.
lik i got right to say liddat. bleah.
hungry AGAIN. and i eat and eat yet im always hungry. and i never exercise. oh dear. way to go court my own death. blah. i decided saying bleahs too many times give u brain damagE. = gdnight. =) morning i mean.
[ha.]
felt mean. they dont understand. they cant understand. they'll never understand. simple people happy people, they dont understand. oh dear. cancel that.
[luckilyNOT]
shit. i cried. when i read that. shit. i miss you too. =( wait. change that. =) i dont know.
if it were up to me, i'd just heck care. and let everyone die. if i were the government. just close the whole singapore up. everyone's going to die anyway. so why not now? what shit is this all about war and everything anyway? everyday the news is just bad. right? and it never gets any better. shit. mom's out of the shower. wipe those tears away stupid girl. and yu qi letting one person die and everyone upset. why not everyone just die together? its a virus anyway. how do you exactly stop it? like you can EVER totally stop it? when is this going to end anyway? it just seems to go on and on AND on forever. and ever. sigh. luckily its not up to me right? haha.
i sneezed 3x., for gdness knows why. keep thinkin what if ive been having sars all along ar? then everyone around me will kenna wont they? that's sad. i'll feel bad. is derek back in sg yet? haha. hope he's fine. =) pray he'll be fine.
song that popped into my head yesterday. on the way to grandfather's house. in yewtee.
God will make a way. when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way. for me.
He will be my guide. hold me closely to His side. with love and strength for each new day, He will make a way. He will make a way.
ha. it helps me every time. =) is that good? or too much reliance on something? i dont know. i wont settle for anything less then reality. now. wanna do a new layout. so many things i want to do on. yet, some of them. occured to me in the past. do they still last now? too many things. dont wanna be common. dont wanna be the same. yet. i dont know. everything's the same anyway. shouldnt try too hard. love those bottles. shall think of something to do with them. =) maybe. cos you'll live forever only in my memories. only in memories. thats the sickening ep of the show again. bleah. stupid. nvm. =) byebye. ah. mom's bdae tomorrow. =) nice mummy. haha. oh jewellery is bad investment. depreciates like siao. everything is bad investment anyway. everything depreciates. except keeping it in the bank i guess. right? i dont know. nevermind. how long can you live for anyway. just live. for now. =)
[remember]
trying to hold a decent conversation with a person i detest. BUT hate takes up as much energy as love. so nah. shant spend that much energy. =) after awhile. u remember. but it doesnt affect you as much anymore i guess? sigh. i guess. just. memory. remember.
[deedum]
hee i like daomingzhuang. HA. nvm. er. stupid chem assignment turned out to be the wrong one. was quite pissed off. and juliaN was like hu are you. gAH. ella!!! see >> >:O hahahaha. nvm. ah well. he's a pig. :P ladidum. think i got gastriCs. ha. tomorrow's sunday le. hrm. one more week to gO. maybe next week go see nus lecturer then can go out. lalalalalalala~ hee. quite worried derek went hk. o dear. hai. ah well. nvm. nothing to dO abt it anyway. ladeeeedum.
[saturday]
ive been a good girl. haha. =) yays.
boreddddddddd to death. gah. ok fine. everyone's complaining the same thing. but still???????? and when im bored i eat and eat and eat and eat. cOs got lol. some kinda not so boring taste in your mouth. then eat kinds of weird stuff. =) haha. sian. dont know how to do chem. aud, have you finished chem? i dont even understand what the question's asking about. sigh. gotta go out soon. =( its like no cca for once no nothing? and? confinment jail. stupid nus lib. books due i extended once. and i didnt even read them. sigh.
[itsajail]
ok so i was a bit freaked at first when i heard my cousin was in hospital. but i dont think its that serious? since all i heard is a bit? maybe she's there for something else. i hope so. =( sigh. maybe i'll call her later. she sounded ok the day before yesterday. sigh. cleared some of the stuff around the house. dust gets everywhere and you cant ever get rid of it. watched vcds. haha. this stay at home thing is starting to get to me. its horrible. and they're taking it out of our june hols. gah. and we HAVE homework with deadlines? kuo's sadistic. as in. ok fine. i understand why. but deadline? when you havent even taught us and i hardli understand the whole thing? that sucks. gah. nvm. shall go off. bye. =)
thanks. im glad you understand. -hugs=
[gdgrief]
theres 48 people online. gdness. = and 90+ not but still. 48????? sigh. at least i can sleep more now. dont fancy getting caught again. today kenna dunno how many times le. sigh.
[thissucks]
no school until 6th april. first reaction was yay. then sHITSHITSHIT band com how? im depressed. gah. i dont want this stupid not even holiday shit. its from our june hols anyway. and its almost azif confinment? after all betta not go out so much if i kenna, not fair to my family members la. reallie. dun wanna feel guilty kno? haix. and its not even based on medical grounds lorh. its just to appease people and like say, yah, cos everyone's worried and all that? and i wanna bring home my trumpet shitshitshitshit. com's like in 2 weeks time? so sch reopen. one day band prac then com? shit la. and we just got scolded? die. hai. and i left so many things in sch? and even tho i have no history test tmr and i dun have to hand up bio and my maths which i dunno how to do and what nots. and no chi test next week the list goes on. and i guess i do need this break. im tired sleeping in class. need time. to sleep. really. but still. why couldnt it be one day later? or something? sigh. this sucks. i'd rather my june hols. quite paranoid la. but war? then this? and oil prices going up. electricity bills up by 17%? is this all some horrible coincidence or something? or am i reading in tOo deep. whatever it is. its scari. really. if u think about it more than just the yay no more school level. which actually sucks. cos its just re-arranging of dates. yah. sigh. dunno. tired. marian? i wanna watch the mvPqingren. since got time now. u wanna watch too? haha. ok thats quite abrupt. sigh. thinking of stuff to dO. like work. ah well. betta then if almost kenna then kenna confinement. worse right? then everything will snowball and ure the onli one who gets it. sigh. yarh.
[hrm]
it sounds so kua zhang that i try hard not to think that youre laughing at me behind all this. try hard not to. not working leh. darn.
[ohdear.]
werd. first thing to come out of my mouth. saId. oh dear. hrm. nevermind.
yining says i have SARS. she talk rubbish!!!!!!!!!!!!! actually my own fault. gah. so now im freaking out. maybe i'll wake up tmr.. maybe i dont wake up tomorrow even. lol. ok thats a bit overdone eh? maybe. dunno. my own fault i thought lung infection was like ok and pneumonia was like some flu thingae? bleah. so didnt make a diff to me. so ah well. under observation now? freaking myself out now. my fault. sigh.
ya mood swings. section got scolded today during band. but. i cant do anything abt it even if i want to? i have no zi ge to do so. and it is not within my capabilities nor means. i cant even play well myself for gdness sake. i suck. nvm. sigh. whats gonna be of this section after the seniors leave? quite a dismal picture actually...
how so is this different? how so is this any different from last time.S note the S. why does this seem less dubious? seems more ke kao liddat? why do i believe this more than the other? ha. farnie.... ... ? i forgot what i wanted to say. its 2158 liao. hai. nevermind. do maths. =)
[progressreport-]
sO kek can? today no history test. postponed to thurs. haha. ah well got more time to study? hee. i love history though mrs nG didnt give me any EEs. haha. and ms lee rocks!!!!!! She gave me ALL EEs can? haha. ah well. i bet she gave everyone that too. she's nice la. hee. and mr tan is superr nice. lol. he even bothered to say dont be discouraged by the results of the first test, encourage her to blahblahblahblah. haha. he rocks! lol. i failed my amaths test though. 19/50? that sucks like hell loh. ah well. my amaths sucks. fullstop. hee. i onli got that one red mark though this time. happieeeeeeeeeeeeee. =D lalalalala~ and everyone gave me positive work attitude. haha. though mrs kuan said i looked tired. whoooooooops. ah well. and i failed my tingxie today i think. cOs history test > tingxie. so neva study tingxie lorh. need to do woRk! haha. =) yays. and of course i'll treat you the same. nothing has changed. you havent changed to me. you'll always be you to me. =) haha. ok? dun para ar. :P grins. lalalala~ feel happie. lol. cOs progress report not THAT bad i guess. still wun die. haha. dun lik her though. :P they can both die. hee. =) gonna shower. cya. oops i think i suffer from huge mood swings.
[path-etic]
ihatethisidetestyouwhyWHYWHYWHYenduplikethiswhywasntitlikethisbeforewhythe
changenowwhythedifferenceshitshitshitshitshit.ihatethisihatethisihatethiswhycant
whywontyougiveashitanymore?okthatwasveryselfishveryhorrible.butwhy =( gah.imdeprivedshootmethisispatheticwhyreducedtothisstategdnessyouAREpathetic
faceitnowshadup.
[sars]
so theres no cure for it? how do viruses pass around eh? would getting sars be a gd thing? perhaps. then will treasure life more yarh. ha. freaked out. stupid yining. she knows how to scare people. = ah well. not feeling too well anymore. dont think its that la. just not feeling well. dont care. i wanna go for band on sat. listen to other bands! =) haha. gotta do work. i cant decide if i hate you but theres no reason to actually. its my own doing right nort? ya. right. still... =x
[quiz : type of uke]
You need a Balanced Boy!!!
Which Type of Uke Is Best Suited to You!?
brought to you by Quizilla
from aud. :)
[...]
though dont know for sure. btw, i knew all along? so it doesnt change anything. hope it doesnt change anything for you. bu yao xiang ne me duo le ok?
[stickeycapslol]
hAh. my phone raNg in der cinema today. sO paiseh. the people behind me laughing. GAH. = haha. nevermind.
thaT stupid guy. im NO UR sweetheart ur HEADDDDddddddddddddddddddd. i belong to meE. i onli gOt one darling. haha. =P ur hEAd arrr. sweetheart gOosebumps onli. siAOkia. bleah. taLk rubbish. =) canNOrt. do homeWOrk. =)
[tire]
coughcoughcough. sigh. tired? went out abt 9 meet zhixuan! =D do homework la. we're peeeeeeeeeeeegs. hahaha. eatandeatandeatandeat and feel like eatingeven more. lol. i only did finish my maths? kinda. OH MAN. suddenli hit me i did so little work today. sigh. oh. i watched marry a mafia. and ha. i dun like ********* =) grins. that asterix? its at random yarh. they were complaining marry a mafia sucks they waste their 6.50 they dunnowhy everybody in their class says its nice. HA. stupid asses. u know why? :P lol. nevermind. after zx says im so mean. =S bitch la. slaP them. dunno how to appreciate then say so. whoooooops. okay nevermind. erh. hehe. =X feet draggy. everything in slow motion. juz realised got so much to say to people. who arent around to hear anymore. i can start writing letters. then again, they'll sound stupid. so why bother? ah well. 2003. how different oh sO different life is now. sigh. need to chioooooooong my homework. =) byee.
[=D]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY david!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha. muz be happy ok? :P hoEi. 16 liao loh. haha. somebodie can watch nc 16 show le. :P
[=(]
thats how sad. sad is? no extent. just. sad nostalgic. sad. regret. sad. cry sad. yah. that kind of sad? marian? its ur blog. how come i keep seeing audrey's words there. =
[enoughcrap-]
seems impossible to be happy. how does derek do it ar? he's sad period lasts an super short time then he's always so happy. jealous. -poke derek= gah.
if u dun dare, you'll regret. thats horrible right? but if you dare, and you dont get what you want, then will you regret daring? but if you dun dare, the answer the outcome might be what you wish for too. you dont know. do u? until you try. and if you're you dont dare to try, then you're just a coward. then you're just like me. a coward. and that's sad. you know? so muz dare. thats the obs kinda spirit you must always take. =) something i left obs with more of. even if i dump too much on myself. at least i wont look back and regret. i never try hssrp. "oh i wont get in" ah well im in. i didnt try un mock conference. im too busy. at least. i hope. i'll have fun? i didnt say hi. too scared of the reply. i did. ha. i know you. =) ah well. that kinda thing you know? along that line. sigh. muz dare. haha. byebye.
[=)]
think im v. selfish. everyone =) in their lives muz looooooooooooooook ahead k? =) no more past memories. give yourself everyone to start clean. yup. dont be selfish. aha.
[feels-]
funny how im sec 3 now. dont feel it. seems yesterday i ponned the national track and field meet and was worrying over truancy they called it. feels yesterday i was arguing with yicong. feels yesterday i just got my psle results. feels yesterday he died. feels yesterday my first day in nyps. feels yesterday i left there. feels yesterday i saw her. feels yesterday my first day of school primary 1. feels yesterday i got canned for stealing money. feels yesterday-
and its so weird how things are so different now. so weird the people i talk to now. the different priorities now. how so many people disappeared. that feeling how you all arent here anymore. that feeling how everything has changed. and now. now's different. from yesterday.
[remember-]
on the way home in the car, was thinking:
im sorry for being such a brat. sorry for being such a kid, the kid i still am. im sorry for all the temper tantrums you had to endure. for everything. for the verbal abuse you were subjected to after everything. for all the trouble i'd given you if i did, ya, for everything. and i regret. the times i didnt and all the times i did. and i regret alot of things. but even so, even still, you were there? and you werent there? and you made me the person i am today. whether it be good or bad. and even if you dont really want to talk to me today these days. yesterday today tomorrow ever. im glad we could once. talk about anything and i could tell you anything everything. shit this is not going to affect me. i guess. im glad i got to know you? though i dont know you anymore. and. i guess. i just want to wish you all the best. all the best for your life for everything. for your future. and hope that. you'll be happy =) in everything you do. and you can accomplish what you wish for. everything you want.
its something i always have a sad smile for. something i dont really want to remember yet. want to? kinda thing. sigh. if you even read this. which i doubt. but nvm. my memory.
current: « sam ² » do you love me? :P
car rides home make me think? ha. as expecTed. no reply. nevermind. =) i love my winamp. all my songs. =) my dependence. radio sucks these days. esp p10. dont like all the songs. most. they all sound the same after awhile. sigh. and i cant get power 98. cos of the nearby hill. ah well. oh. knO someone new today. ha. amusing. hrm. do homework. if i go crazy then will you still call me superman. change nick. stupid ella got tO watch oliver. bleah. jealous. =P
[gdnight =)]
nice tiring day today. well not realli nice. my parents were being bratty. nevermind. had cca from 830 - 4? ha. then went home showered went out again. lalala~ just got home. 11 plus. i kinda hit my curfew. hey. i tried my best. my mom said "take your time" anyway. they werent even home when i got home. they're still not home? sleeeeeeeeeeeeepi. for gdness knoOs why. bleah. no he didnt trick you. bleah. nevermind. sleeeeeeeeeeeeepi. -zonk out= gdnight. =) gonna screw up in ss tomorrow. have violin. sucKs. got so much work. should i go with my obs group to pulau ubin on monday? ooo. parents' home. gdnight.
[fridaynight]
actuallie, its kinda ridiculous. doesnt make sense? how can the day you're born the month or wadeva determine what kinda person youre gonna be like? then again, if you go by scientific logic and all that, alot of things prob wont make sense either. spiritual stuff and whatnots. haha. ah well, anyhow, its time to get this shat outta my head. i feel idiotic enough alreadie. habit though. bad. ha. nevermind. try anyway.
and the vodka bottle sits there lookin like its just been painted with acrylics. haha.
somehow. i never... i dont know. dont think this is the right place nor the right time to be saying this. though it IS my blog. dun know how to say it either. and dun want people to start having misunderstandings. ah well, if it matters so much, it'll come up again another time =)
wanna watch the vcd!!!! ahahaha. this is sad. reallie. i dont think i'll become googoogaga over them though. thank God. haha. but yah anyway. lol. its amusing? sO kid. still sO xiaoboiboi. i like small kids. =P NO. im no peodophile? does it apply to girls? bleah. nevermind.
itchy... STUPID STUPID insects. think that bottle prob did it. sickening. ah well. i trusted him? bleah. its like bites from head to toe no correct thigh to tOe. GAH. itchy...Owwww. sigh. oops gotta go out. byee. haha.
[miss-]
im missing everyone. cos they're not here anymore and i dont know if its my fault. but its natural? people come people go. way of life. just accept it.
came home after group work kinda today. lunch was too filling. gah. should not eat so much. did my photo album thingae after a long period of procrastination. too long. i forgot their names alreadie. so i cant label? i cant put a name to the face. cos i cant remember the name. how lousy a person i am. sigh. and i made mistakes. but im too lazy to take everything out and risk my photos getting spoilt. theyre not exactli in top condition as yet. ha. those rubbish photos. candid shots some of them. zhixuan remember? =P i have negatives darling. but you do look so happy. eating ice cream. haha. dun kill me. its a nice photo. and people. like edmo! haha. when he was innocent-er. lol. and everyone la i guess. everyone. i onli did them halfway. too lazy. lazy bug gets to me. my seven sins. oh dear. nevermind. not really a gd excuse. so should just shadup. =) english. haha. leadership reflective essay shat? ha. byebye.
[hrm.]
starting to get ridiculous to me? while im sitting here at the com. people are struggling to get out of iraQ? people are fighting? people are screaming crying wondering if they'll be alive tomorrow. funny thought. and i think maybe saddam has something up his sleeves? thats why he doesnt need to give in to us? well besides becOz of face la. and im worried what that might be? overall, this war, it seems so far away. im thinking if i have history lessons now, what mrs ng would be saying. and a picture of mrs dee comes to mind. haha. but what if the war affects us greatli? its scary u know? theres a war and we're all gonna die, i think thats what khin said. i neva really bothered abt all these before, i didnt see the need to, it didnt interest me. until i have to? that'll be different. zhixuan come home. =) haha. i wanna go out do homewoRk, seriously do work. do my blardi maths i dunno how to do. and physics and chem and geog and eng and whatnots. i dunwan to go out stone and waste time COZ i dunno how to do work not because i dun wanna do. there's a difference now u know? its really huh? shit i dun even know. wad de hell. how to do?????? sigh, really waste time lorh. ah well, shall attempt to do geog and/or english now. =) byebye. oh my com's working again? and khin? u said u liked who in the meteor garden thingae? haha. i went to watch disc one today? shrug. long hair makes people look REALLY gay. nevermind.
[happiebirthday!]
ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! its shi yan's birthday today. well kinda in 20 mins plus time. haha. i wished i went today. AHHH!!!!! hahaha. they wanna go to pulau ubin to cycle? gacK. i cant cycle. ah well. lol. AHHH!!!! her bdae lehx. lol. hahaha. and i want the photos. lol. nevermind. =) not like she'll read this anyway, but happy birthday!!!! hahaha. :)
[me-]
im sorry im me. how it gets to me. that badli. it does. haix. and im sorry im so small gas and how low self esteem i have and how i whine so terribly much. i hate this. damned. haix. i WANT THE PHOTOS blardiiiiiiiiiii. gotta call chunli later. if i dun forget. bleah. nice to see that he's really well i guess haha. became happier kinda thing? not so xiong liddat anymore la. no so tension stressed? haix. and i guess he'z ok too? ha. as long as they're fine. i guess no matter how hard i try no matter the time (MOT today) they'll always have this little space in my heart that it'll touch. haix. is that gd or bad? i cant tell. really. TIENYEW how deR heck did u manage to search that out? gdness. bleah. =S today's wednesday. how many times have i repeated that? bleah. i dunno how to react to them people. its not normal. its starting to feel like ure an animal in a freak zoo holding pla-card number #xxx. something liddat. im glad i got home. haha. yarh glad. just went off and i din kno what i was doing. sigh. its 1102. sigh. and i guess im glad for people like them. really. am. =) people like d. and buffy. haix. shall go shower. borrowed this trashy book today. and some letters from mao's china. need some china history related book. trashy book hoping to feel betta? cos its so stupid. and i really wanted to watch some trashy show. like hot chick which would prob be so stupid. but make me happie kinda show? cos ice cream's lost its kick alreadie. sigh. ya. shower. i stink.
[wednesday]
love mononoke =) chris' site has it. when you click on the picture la. sigh.
from jianwei's blog
It's a balance.
The more you want it, the less it wants you.
The less you want it, the more it wants you.
should go off soon for moot parliment thingae. dont feel like meeting them later. just want memories. dont want it in the present now? cos my life. doesnt seem to be able to include them. i dont know? dont want those changes. dont know what to say. dont wanna fake it. dont wanna extra. hai. they're just more memories? i hope to remember as good ones. i guess. ah well. =) bye. today's wednesday. sigh. hols going to over soon- everyday coming back to school. some holiday.
[quiz : colour of the world]
Gray:
You poor, depressed child. A rain cloud seems to
follow you everywhere. The worst has always got
to happen doesn't it? Life is miserable.
What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
oh so grey. black white greyy. =)
[quiz : kiss]
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
?? nvm.
[gdnight]
guess theres nothing much left online anymore. =) is that a gd thing? or a bad thing? dont talk to many people. dont talk to people besides like buffy who always talk to me no matter how horrible i am to him. haha. hes nice. oops sorry not taking advantage or anything yarh. and perhaps d. and jy's not in sg. so yah. and theres only so much you can surf. and so much you can do esp when this aint even your own com. i borrow my dad's laptop. sigh. so soon i'll prob be disappearing. till he comes back? then there'll be something more to come online for. haha. i guess? gd too. no overdependence? maybe? frees up time. need to do work. theres so much to do so much to catch up on. so many other things to occupy life occupy time with. =) just if i can remember them. if i can find them. cos ive lost them so long ago i cant remember anymore. byebye. =) tmr's a new day. haha. it is. it will be.
[sunday]
today's sunday. well, kinda. went church. and it made sense. whatever they were talking abt and it so reminded me of obs day 2? the same kinda stuff. be more enthu, not so clique-ish and the like. hai. wanna watch emperor's club. went holland v after that. car got clamped cos my dad well was just being daddy. hai. called hanqiang in the morning. haha. and smsed edwin. it felt so werd. so in suspense. cOz just cos? ya, its been a while hasnt it. its march 17 now. march now. m a r c h 2003. haix. so it felt funny when ella told me abt nizam working at oJ? lol. funny i guess. and my head sunburnt so the scalp's peeling? gross. sigh. how i kinda miss them. they mean so much more to me than obs or have i alreadie said that? lol. nizam's my shifu!!! and he kept making fun of me. blah. ah well. =) it HAS been a while. i almost forgot that he was actualli a nice person before supp change in perspectives and i couldnt treat him like a normal person. i guess. i forgot. its that sad isnt it? wanna go down one day to visit him!!!!! argh. haha. =) gotta go back to school tomorrow for some band exchange thingae. sigh. dun wanna see dun wanna listen dun wanna kno. i think i would be much happier that way? ignorance afterall IS bliss like they all say. i guess? yah. i guess. sigh. he didnt call anymore? cant ask him to help ella buy knife. hope i didnt say anything wrong yesterday. people, other people make me do werd things. ok they dun make me, but i end up doing things diff acting diff around people. i guess? thats bad isnt it. thats bad. sigh. current nick doesnt make sense. to me. i dont know why. but its just there.
current nick : « sam ² » i loved you i misse-d you oh i hate you sO.
[shit]
ok. so took a break from reality for abt 5 days. reality hITs so blardi hard i hate it. and everything comes back again. sO much sO i foRget everything else. so much so i gO back to that again. so much so that . i dont know. shit. i dont know. nevermind.
[shit]
ok. so took a break from reality for abt 5 days. reality hITs so blardi hard i hate it. and everything comes back again. sO much sO i foRget everything else. so much so i gO back to that again. so much so that . i dont know. shit. i dont know. nevermind.
[shit]
ok. so took a break from reality for abt 5 days. reality hITs so blardi hard i hate it. and everything comes back again. sO much sO i foRget everything else. so much so i gO back to that again. so much so that . i dont know. shit. i dont know. nevermind.
[sigh]
sam loves khin. and liz and marian and ella and everyone. esp my brother, whose in camp. hehe. =) anyhoweeeeeeeee, went for the rJc mock UN conference briefing today. like totally blurblur lorh. go there HUH? everything. haha. and our snrs are like yadayadayadayada like so prO haha. scariii. grins. then went home chanGed took lunch went nus library to return my bks and renew them. i barely read them? gdness i dont even understand them lorh. sucks. sigh. then went down to suntec to find ty? then they had this aerobics/cheerleading com there. then ha derek and calvin was there too? yarh. guess i kno someone new today. in some sense la. then watch cradle to grave which is a totally crap show and i wasted 8.5 bucks on it? and it hurts. lol. then go ps eat go sg shopping centre bum then esplanade. should have gone home after sg shopping centre. then i'll feel happier? =) esplanade water prettieee. though not as nice as that day before obs. haix. and xiang abt obs lorh. that kinda feelin which you prob wun get agn? its like i dont really really miss obs in some sense but i guess its not that great an impact like maCs or sth. but still subconciously miss it but it hasnt yet all sinkeD in yet la. sigh. photos make me sad. =( people make me sad... sigh. dont know. nvm. should have gone home earliEr. sigh. all the shouldhavEs that canT haves. cos they're alll gonnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeee now. jy hurry up come bacK!!!!!!!!!! argh. =( sigh. todays sunday. tmr still gotta go back to sch tues wed and fri and sat too. blah. and homeworK? this IS reality i guess. poor marian. haix. want a hug. =( wheres my brother... sigh. yarh, just. sigh. =) sad smiles. miss. everyone. i . . . guess. gdnight. itchy everywhere. =(
[iguess]
you know that feeling when you really feel like turning bacK and you keep hoping? but to no avail? yarh that feeling. it sucks. and then you hope and then you keep hoping but in the end, its nothing. right. just nothing. sigh. =) i guess. then you try to ok, nvm. think from the person pov N yarh i guess i would have might have done exactli the same.. perhaps? perhaps. i dont know. but no matter how, its still i dont know. it still affects you la. gets you down? haha. i guess. i dont know. i dont know who you are anymore. lost you a long long long long... long. time ago. and thats sad aint it. maybe. just may-be. i dont know. sigh. yarh that feeling sucks. shouldnt hope too much. shouldnt think too much. all people? they're different. all different. =)
[obs]
hAa. back to supposed civilisation. lolx. obs was quite fun la. =) defintely memorable!!!!! my group was this ultimate mobile group- we kinda stayed out for 4 nights 5 days. it was like ouch. alot of insect bites la. haha. anyhowe, yurp. =) and our instructor is nice!!!! heh. small chuan. =) but kinda sad, cOs it kept raining so no tan whatsoeva me thinks? lolx. we were like kayaking in the middle of storm and such? haha. anyhoweee, for my reference =):
day 1: got there. found out we were in ultimate mobile, did this D climbing loG thing balying???? dunno how to spell and then started hiking to our first camp site which was this super rocky sandy kinda area. it sucks to pitch your bashar?? in the dark k. i forgot whats it called la but we didnt get proper tents and such lorh. sigh. aLOt of bites! haha. woke up with some bleeding somewhere i dont know where just blood stains. gack.
day 2: we did this alpine rescue activity dunnowad? in the morning. then went off to the next campsite which was this place caLLEDdd err slipped my mind that was like flat area 4 metres above ground or something. the best camp site eva imo la. then afternoon did rock climbing. in between it started raining, my watch: keng swee had some problems la, very un enthu un uniteD blahblah the works so yah we had to talk and dunnowad? poor instructor. haha.
day 3: morning woke up started raining like siao. and we ended up late as usual. pissing our instructor off and our buddy group instructor off too? cos both of us were late la; then we did this amazing race road expedition thingae. day 3 was like the best day ever lorh. got lots more watch united spirit? and yarh. u have to be there la. very very fun!!! :D haha. then our camp site 3 is beside the beach on grass area there? something like that.
day 4: we were late again cos it was like raining the whole night and we pitched the bashaR<< some bluE thingaE with ground sheets onli la. then we went for our sea expedition, kayaking from pulau ubin to crab island? not sure the exact name around the kelongs down across the channel to coney island. camp site 4 turned out to be the WORST eva. it suck like hell lorh. and the pegs couldnt even stay stuck to the ground so our tent like thingae kept collapsing and it was soooooooooooo cold. haha. then ended up we barely slept got half a dozen sand fly bites and mosquito bites and they started building some fire waiting anxiously for 430 am to arrive so we could start packing and get ready to go back to the oBs main grounds. haha.
day 5: got up early did our stuff and got ready to kayak by 6? yup. we kayaked with almost total darkness kinda thing. sorta some light from the rising sun la. haha. across the chanel k. it was SO freaky cos its so diff to control the kayak across the chanel? sand fly bites SUCK esp when u scratch them. then it hurts like siao!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i didnt even get darker? cos it was raining and raining and raining and raining and RAINING. storm lightning thunder the works. i just got alot of bites EVERYWHERE. gah. but nvm. it was quite fun overall la. =) I MISS obs already!!!! so anyhowe we came back cleaned up the store etc then took photos and got ready to go back to sg.
sniffle. i miss obs. =( miss my instructoR and pk with her beBe. haha. her dog. anD the silence there? its like come back to sg? IS THAT A CAR??????????? whats AIRCON???? lolx. and its so noisy. it just kinda changes your whole perspective of every day routine life? i guess? and thats supp to be good right. btw our instructor is shuai k. :P haha. he just isnt that good with communication. lol. anyhowe, no i dun like him that way no i dun have a crush for gdness sake. but haha. yarh. now feels like im still kayaking in the water. not very stabLe feeling on the ground yet. dizzy... sigh. keng swee rOCKs!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D everyone in it. haha. at first didnt really feel obs gone that much but now suddenli everything seems to slowly sink in and all that. haI. ah well. oh and i missed all of you too!!!! haha. its like really back to basics lorh. the poo and the pee and the eating and everything. haha. oh dear my parents are home. haha. im not supposed to be online? borrowed my dad's laptop. hee. he dropped the optical mouse. lol. and i lost my ny track pants which i barely used!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH. haha and there in obs the food is > better than lifeskills camp!!!! haha. and i think i got more sleep than at home or anywhere else. except for like the last day la. head still spinning. not v. firm yet. haha. jy called from china. lol. i missed him and all of everyone! argh. cos i surrendered my phone on the first day. aeish. lol. kk. enough craP. back to reality. haix. it was nice while it lasted. i think i did the most amt of exercise ive eva done eVa. since donkey ages ago?????????? lol. and we took photos! nicenice. =) got memories. haha. kk. bye. feels like ive lost all sense of time date day and the reality...
[obs]
haha. going obs tomorrow. ERRRRR. today. lolx. anyhowe. should go sleep sooon. =) hee. went all over the place today with elle. haha. spent aLOT OF marnie!!!!!!!!! grins. but nvm la. i guess. all them obs stuff. hiak. i love my sandals!!! =D grins. ah well. and i got a hotfudgesundaEmacs addiction. blah. he wasnt angry dear, he saiD he just didnt feel like seeing u? cOz maybe well last time. people do need time to forget u know? =) ah well. dun dwell so much on it la. okiE. should go sleep. grins. WANT SLEEEEP. need sleeeeeeep. blah. haha. byebye. oh esplanade is nice. hiak. and im such as ass for buying a whole pint of haagan daz icecream. lol the look on that womans face was farnie though. when i asked for a spoon. grins. HA. im such a piG. nvm. =P if i get my period there, i'll GAH!!!!!aklsjdkasjdlkasjdlaksjda. blah. nvm. =)
[too bad]
you know? one thing abt that? once u said it. you cant take it back. and pride stops you from apologising. or from asking. ya. that sucks. that pride. what pridE. ah well, too bad for you.
[='(]
blardi hell. you always do that to me. you make a mistake and turn around and says its my fault. THAT YOU ASSUMED IT WAS SOME OTHER BLARDI WAY. shit you la. i clearly said it was not lorh. and you turn around and tell me no. i assume thats why. YA AND THATS WHAT YOU FUCKING DO EVERY SINGLE TIME TO ME. manipulate. shit you. and you say its my fault. and you assume its my fault. and you make everyone think its my fault. hello? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING? fine la. dont do anything else for me. i know v. difficult v. xin ku la. FINE. then dont do anything for me! will that make you happier? just dont manipulate whatever i said. and make it sound like ITS MY FAULT WHEN I didnt do anything ok? i hate it when you do that. when you make it seem like everythings my fault. and you make him think that im the one at wrong when i didnt do anything. you assumed it yourself. shit. it pisses people off too you know? i have feelings too you know? you hate it when people say you did this and you actuallie didnt. i know you do. SO WHY ARE YOU DOING IT TO ME??????????????? forgetit. it doesnt matter anyway.
[complain]
i detest this weather. its so gAH warm. hot warm. whatever. BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like switch on air con full blash also doesnt work. nvm. bio tomorrow. damn envious of those people having fun in shanghai now. haha. while we're slogging it out. sian. ok nothing to blog anyway. i think. just felt like complaining abt the weather. marian's bdae tmr. didnt have time to get her anything..... substantial. not enough materials. ideas in my brain la. but. yah. sigh. gotta make it belated i think. very bad. =( i hate giving belated. cos like. haix. the person also will be sad? sigh. ah well. tomorrow gotta chiong phys and chem. haha. then theory. then yays week's over. then gotta find obs stuff then off to obs liao. haha. we were freaking abt what leeches??????? dont think there are la. and water cockroaches? i hate cockroaches. blah. nvm. jus go there hav fun i guess. haha.
even if u didnt msg or started talking. i'd notice your absence. maybe not immediately. but it'll definitely be noticed. but i dont know what i'll do abt it. sorry if i seem to take you for granted. just cos you always seem to be there.
i want history lessons. gah. its my pill in school now? everything else is just a blur of grey and finished over done with. i love techno/trance. so braindead-ish. =)
[wish-]
wish you could tell me wish you would tell me. hate guessing like that. second-guessing????????????????? dunno. but ya. feels something there. but dont know what. and what im thinking is not good for me. but i cant block it out either. so jus suspended in mid-air kinda thing. and know you arent gonna tell me. but i dont know why. and i dont like that feeling. right. i dont believe youre ok. im sorry. haha. =P
[to-]
yays. happy birthday jy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha. thanks for teaching me chem. :P and dunno wad youre like thinkin bouT or whatever la, but be happy ok? =P yup.
[blardieeeeee]
oh ya. jealousy is an evil that poisons ur entirE mind. ha. stupidddddddddddddddddddddddddd. nevermind. remember this house i saw yesterday. k condO. lol. it rocks k. its like damn nice. the conservency fees damn high also la. about $700 + a month. but the scenery damn mei. looks like an almost close to hotel kinda feel. those people who live on the 1st floor. look outta the balcony. immEDiately next to the kinda lake thingae. with fishes and er waterfall sorTa stuff. very nice. ermmmmmm. think is. leonie towers or something. ha. and the guy's house v. mei. =) and bIGGGGGG. and look out from the balcony. its facing somewhere else la. 9th floor. can see taka wisma and town and all that cos its located nEar great world city dere. of course damn exp place proB. for rent. haha. i sound like an advert. but very mei!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! argh. haha.
this sucks. reduceD to mere nothinG. wait. correction: is nothing anyway. bUt. ya but. i hate that. im myself!!!!!!!!!!! =( nvm. it sounds like a lamE trying to justify tryiNg to stand up kinda thing. which is so not working. i hate physics. k i dont have physics. i just hate doing it. and i dunno how to do the blardi maths. and mrs nG caught me today. and i dislike that guy from cOro. hey whats ur proB man. i mean ya sure uve gota logical reason and all that. but need u go to that great extenT? like what de hell? oh and gaB is in my obs group. haha. =) dunno who else too. yays. nice soup today. =) my fave. haha. my grandfather rocks k. he can cook! damn nice. lol. nevermind. i love him. but i dont think he knows that. urH. and this is prob gonna be one of the last times i shall try to do this sorta poseurish rubbish cos im just not cut out. so why try. and fail miserabli. and make myselF upset only. im MYSELF hear that?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! freak. i cant even convince myself damnit. oh whatever. ya. irritating woRd. OH WHATEVER. and ella? dont illtreat the fishie k. i love it! ha. :P maybe its so saD so its not eating. LOL. maybe it decided to join u in not eating cos it loves you so! :) man im so crap. and hssrP is interesting. ha. can digress like siaO and talk what shit. :P
[nonchalant-]
haha. theres no such word as malecholant OR malechalant? onli heard of nonchalant.
non·cha·lant ( P ) Pronunciation Key (nnsh-länt)
adj.
Seeming to be coolly unconcerned or indifferent. See Synonyms at cool.
right. this shouldnt be called a blog. cos polically correCtli speaking << ? blogs arent these. these are more towards journals/diaries. which is ya well. nvm. whatever.
[dash-]
went to church today. pastor talked about grace of God. haha. i like what he said. and its funny. cos it kinda seemed to help me understand something la? including yesterday and all that? i wanna study psychology next time in uni. haha. pastor got degree in psychology!!!!! its pple lik him thats why i still go to church, thats why i havent changed church yet besides the fact that i dont know what other church to go to. and even though i was kinda sleeping during service, i woke up. as always. and his sermons are the only ones i listen to. cos they make sense. to me.
msn didnt let me change my nick to oh God help me im wallowing in self pity. insensitive yarh. mean yarh. so much so that im killing u in my mind. yah. so much so. that. ure gone in my subconscious. prob not for good. cos u matter to me. you all. but yes for today. yes for now. cos im small gas. lol. cos i always remember. thats actually bad. but i always remember. and no matter whatever, its remains there. memory that wont die unleZ i get amnesia. which i wouldnt mind. then it can almost be like edit undo. everything. clean everything. then i wont know you. and you and all you-s. that's good aint it? then things might be the same different? whatever? but i wont remember. it would seem to help me so. you know something? i always always wish shuz here. or someone anyone. my bro? ha. then i can go and giv the person a hug or something. and they. them. they never know. whats here. whats in this life. cos they never see. so they never know.
is this what i meant yesterday when i said religion was a support system to me? even though im not a suppsoedli good christian. so i dont really have that 'support system'? no offence to anyone reading this if they are. its my personal opinion. and postmodern idEa. is it may not be tru cos i have my opinion u hav yours. it may be brown but to me it can be pinK. lol. that s what joel said i think. ah well. cheeeeeem i dont understand him sometimes. but nvm. is this what it means? i love that song. wont you lord take a look at our hands everything we have, use if for your plans. wont you lord take a look at our hearts. mould it refine it as you set us apart. what am i actually here for? to live this kinda meaningless stupid excuse of a life? really? thats why im here for? to go through the whole damned routine then just die? or do i have some kinda purpose or meaninG for being here? do i? i dont wanna be nothing. i dont wanna go through the routine. im nothing. malecholant my nick? whats that. ok. enough abt that religion blah. nevermind. just a repetition of what i liVed in my brain. on the way home. of whatever i argued and said and discussed in my brain in my mind. on the way home.
nick is dashdashdashdashdashdash. empty spaces of nothing. empty nothinG. non applicaBle. nothing. i will kill pitas if it kills my entry. time to say goodbye playing on tV.
[soshootme]
suddenli realise its been ages since ive last cried? funny how it suddenly occured to me. maybe thats a gd thing aint it? cos theres nothing that has upsetteD me so much so to result in something like that. and thats good. means ive been quite happy. right? bleah. so shoot me. im pmsing. so i sound like her. fine. you get offended by sorries. sure. no worries. whatever. theres something wrong with me.
youre nothing. nothing spaces. just an existence that means nothing to me. cos i mean nothing to you. and it should be fair right? =) in all things. you and all of you. you-s. nothing. empty nothing spaces.
[un- do?]
//clear. -->
ahaha. went nus library yesterday. LOL. i think we talked too loudly or something. =$ but nvm. nus is nice u know? lol. and hey. am i hilarious??????????????????????? blah. keep getting laughed at. grr. :@ didnt do any work as expected. we digressed like siao. talk dunno wad shit. lol. haha. religion very nice to talk about? =P
gotta do homework. this week is like hell. tests almost everyday. then fri night got saf concert sat morning physics test afternoon theory exam and night the joy luck club thingae. shitty. then its off to obs the next week? haha. i think im gonna die there or sth. super unfiT. bleah. should stop talking rubbish and do work. blogging seems unnatural. werd. nvm. bye.
wanna undo things. hai.
current: « sam² » disturbin how much it disturbs me [---thisiswakeupcallnoFIVE---]
OH. i want my holiday!!!!!!! GAH. =(
[disturbing-]
it disturbs me i dont know whats going on. disturbs me i dont know whats this all about and whats its reference? that i dont know. why does it disturb me i have no idea. and u know something? i said best friend. then i realised. who the hell am i to speak? right. your head. think so much. ure just deluding urself arent u? again? stop imagining things that arent there. correction.
[=\]
maybe im sadistic or something. but its funny how ure freaking out? funny how it occurs to me that i'll prob be in the same position 2 yrs from now? prob almost the same except i'll be panicking and laughing till i die. or something. like that day before sci exam. but then its quite useless, cos whats done is done. i cant go back and undo it can i? like just click edit undo. tada. nah. impossible. so worry like siao and the only thing it affects is me. making me feel worse? and i wish i could do something. but its so akward. and the only thing i seem to be able to do is laugh? and say those cliched stuff. that sound so many times they become deaf to the ears alreadi. and i wish i could do something? to make everything better? i wish i could freak out with you? i dont know. haha. stupid. cant do anything. gonna screw maths tomorrow. sigh.
[want-]
i dont have 100% full proof wall against it yet. not yet. and that sucks. it so so so sucks. but nvm. sigh.
grandma called. and i realise one of the people i love most is her. =) rem this compo i wrote one time. everybody wrote abt their moms and dads and whoevers. i wrote abt my grandma. werd. sigh. and she doesnt ask for anything in return. shes just her. just there. =( hai.
should do maths. maths is braindead. khin i love you. really. sigh. but love is so overrated and so cheap in some sense nowadays. sigh. break. gah. dont know how to do the balardie maths thing. all that graphs roots shit. sigh. screwed music. whatever. whats that song again? i cant remember. it bothers me i cant remember. whatever.
current: « sam² » nothing spaces ---------------- i q u i t ----------------
i wish i could ask clarify and get over it. so that these doubts wont keep floating in my brain in my head. its disturbing. yah. they are. i just wanna blow uP. braindead is gd. kinda. =) shouldnt think so much. its better. sleep. =) want sleep.
[spastic]
which reminds me. i love history. haha. and werd liz's mom thought i got a bf? gdgracious no. NO. read my lips. words whatever. no thank you. =) thank you. haha. khin said maybe she mistook me for someone else. lolx. gdness, liz's mom read blogs? i think maybe i'd be quite freaked if my parents read my blog? it'll be disappearing act. =) nunmber. i dunnowad. sigh. whats wrong with you people? or rather whats wrong with me? wasted the whole night away. blah. sleep. gd. =) right.
where are you when i need you? nowhere cos theres no you. im missing you. i dont know whose you. i only know it aint all of you. sigh. aud's cute. haha. =) blah. night.
current: « sam² » mis - ing you?
lizzie and aud? thanks for signing the gbook. haha. nobody ever signs it and im not like you go publicise liddat. =P hope yx rems to bring the bk tomorrow. poor MJ. i liked him w/o the white parts. haha. and his songs. though he did rape all those and i dunno wad. nvm. byebye. =| im blabbering. muttering. mumbling. oh i lik her. in the show. haha. and him and all of them. spastic. bye.
[blink]
i want food. choc. ice cream? sleep? im not even sleepy. blah. its raining outside. pouring actually. nice. =) but got nothing to do. well not really. actually have but cant be bothered? its not something obligation. sigh. dont know what im thinking. dont know what im saying. gdness. rem reality. r e a l i t y or you'll smash up and hit the ground and shatter and break into a million pieces. else you'll get surprised and i promise you you wont like it. think. like you always do. of all the possibilities. and remember that. remember that what you think may not be reality. dont assume. remember? muahahaha. dun be disillusioned. lol. ya. dont be. think clear. keep it that way. ARGH. or youll pay dearly for it. shit you. remember that. ah whatever fits. i need something to boost my mood a little. its just another rainy sunday afternoon. im wasting my time got nothing to do. im hanging around. waiting for you who? but nothing ever happens and i wonder. shouldnt think too much. else get brain damange. =) lizzie youre more than that. besides youre your worst critic. i forgot the exact words but they dont actually matter do they? nah. they dont. BLAH. wanna scream shout blow all the walls down. so fun. =) byebye.
STOp. shh. dont think. remember? ya. remember.
[quiz : music type]
You're nothing, really. But you're nice.
What type of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
[quiz : happy bunny?]
you are the "you suck, and that's sad"
happy bunny. your truthful, but can be a bit
brutal.
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
[aha.]
muahahaha. okIe. dun freak out yarh? chill people. i know its pretty difficult and all that. if i were you, i'd be freaking out like -- that day before sci exam last yr. haha. derek can attest to that. that kindA panic. LOL. but anyhow, ya, try to relax, dont think so much la. it'll all be over and done soon. be confident? and even if you dont get what you wanted, live, live with it. be brave and deal with the life thats given to you. the conditions. yarh? thats when youre the person i know. =) you must learn to survive in whatever that's given to you in order to survive next time future now. everytime. =) i know youre that strong and youre that brave right?
and you. sigh. girl, dont think so much too yarh? -hug= hope youre feeling better, much. and im sorry i couldnt help and i didnt help? but i really really do hope that youre fine. youre brave too. and youre damn strong. really. =) just you, the way you are.
should be doing maths and all that music whatever. sigh. wanna sleep early today. gonna be a long day. a long week. right up. obs like in 2 weeks time i think? all the tests squashed together. and i really hate those 2. =| doesnt help the school they come from. doesnt help they suck in their field. ah well. oh. have to email my hssrp mentor too. ah. goodnight.
blog should do fine for now. all the links are dead. cos nygh.postkid dieded. ha. and im too lazy. though i did ask for space. haha. sorryyyyyy to those pple i troubled. whatever. just feel like putting it up again. for myself. =) them words. i realised my shui bi i talked like laoshi should know what i was talking about. sigh. miss them? maybe. lol. dunno. nvm. bye.
[wish-]
im sad. im so so so sad. =( really. im not being sarcastic. im so so so sad because there. finally. no matter how i try not to believe it. youre gone out of my life? and i cant even talk to you like before that? and. ya. i guess its my fault. i dont think you can be bothered to talk to me either. and as much as i said i wouldnt regret it. and as much as it doesnt affect me that much. cos like ive always said and believed. youve never been there anyway. but. i guess. i guess. that. you know sth? i miss you. =( i dont know why and whatever. but. you're gone. and that's sad isnt it. its very sad. =( i dont know who you are anymore. you're probably the very same person, almost. but. i dont know you. anymore. and this is the same person who blocked you who was damn mean who did half a dozen million zillion things that was horrible in her personal opinion. talking. contradicting. i dont know. but. youre gone. arent you? i dont know what to feel. its my fault. i think. and i dont know. i dont know. its not a gd thing. but i guess cos you were never there so you never really affected me that greatly. cos i wont have any dependence on you? not like. other people. so. i wont feel it as much. only on a physical level? only there. but. i still miss you. and i wish i knew you. i wish i knew who you were. now. are. now. i wish everything was different. we could be good friends cant we? though i do so dislike librans. for a gd reason i cant seem to get along with them nicely. but ha. we could talk like we used to cant we? or am i just dreaming? is it just some useless wishful thinking? i guess. i wish.
nevermind. its useless thinking anyway. present is reality. the reality. now.
[quiz : soul colour]
Your Soul Is Red.
What Color Is Your Soul?
brought to you by Quizilla
[quiz : body part]
[sad]
the greatest pain in life
iz not to die but to be forgotten
to lose the person u love the most
to sumone who doesnt care at all..
to show sumone ur innermost thots
n they juz laugh into ur face
to have pple think u dun care..
from marian's blog. =( oh and ya i think those guys deserve it too. haha. from the chicago movie. hiak. "he had it coming". aha. they're all like that. arent they? sorry for the generalisation.
[youre back]
somehowe or another. when i sent that sms. i was kinda halF dreading it kinda thing? i dont know why. i guess its the way people have that tendency to rub off their little bit on me? and affect me? but i guess its just a build up of anger and everything. but ha. im fine now. feels like nothings changed. dont feel the anger. dont feel anything. feels normal. and im very glad. its happy. to be back. in this way??? again. =) im happy youre back. in my sense. in my view.
[justlike-]
so i said i hate them. and i didnt really mean it? just like all the other things i occasional blurt out. that dont actually mean the way they sound? cos i dont hate them? and i have a very bad system of working up a whole wall around people. and psychoing myself in certain ways. so that i can get them outta my head. so that i wont like them. so that i'll start disliking/hate them. so that they wont affect me. hopefully. which sometimes works. and then again, don't work everytime. and that's bad isnt it. cos i know myself, in reality, they're not like that. and then i eat my words? and then i say things that i dont mean. and then. my words come out. shoot out. stab the people. and. i am so mean. i dont even take the instance to consider what my words might do? in any case if they do. until like ages after, then the extent of the words finally sink in. then regret? regret. i dont know. =( sigh. miss them. ya. miss all of them who were once in a sense called friends. but they are now but strangers whom i recognise their faces and can put a name to those faces. ya. those friends? strangers. i dont know. grieve. =( sigh. anyhow. catch me if you can is a really really nice show. haha. better than chicago in my own opinion? =) i like it. and i forgot. i forgot how much i liked you. why. i dont know. ya. why. its just an infatuation anyway. i know it myself. =) haha. how silly. just like all them.s.
[sigh.]
didnt know him. but ya. just gone. another one. brave? coward? dont know. but the deed's done. irreversible. why. ya, why. why do people do things like that? and its so sad. and the people they leave behind, to pick up the pieces of their once lives. =( sigh. =`(
[quiz: natural disaster]
What Natural Disaster are you? Take the quiz!
[dis-illusioned]
haha. ive a bad feeling im becoming disillusioned. yes. like mrs lim. ahaha. oh dear. i really have a VERY VERY bad feeling about this. =( and ya. inside, i already know the truth. shitty truth. i dont wanna believe it. i dont know. i kinda accept it but dont really accept it? like liking grey with my mind my brain not my heart? not really? cos of what it means? OH SHITTY. just get outta me wont u. ya. just go. i dont know. so gabra like d said. ahaha. gabra what a word. i dont know. i know what im feeling. slowly. dreadfully. but yet. its like yes and no kinda thing? i dont know. this is bad isnt it. tell me its bad. though i already know. tell me what to do. tell me the truth. please wake me up. i know im just. disillusioned. de luded. again. already. oh so shitty. i think i should just say shit you. now give me a reason why im thinking the way i am? oh wait. dont tell me. i think i already know. but dont say it. that perhaps, it might not make it true.
[quiz: girlfriend?]
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
what's mecurial?
[quiz: heart colour]
Your Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
i dont understand why the answers i gave correspond to this. werd. ah well. i dont know how else it would be anyway.
[quiz: smile]
You're the sad smile,the one that regrets nearly
everything and is constantly wondering about
what could have been.You're not happy with your
situation and usually blame yourself because of
the bad things that have happened.Cheer up.
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
[=)]
yays. i feel as if i know them again. =) feel happy. more like. i kinda know them as friends again? yay!!!!!! =D ahaha. silly. shouldnt think abt those stuff la. makes people pissedirritatedsad only. =) now. muz do work. shitty i only have one more hour. to chiong history and chem and whatnots. lolx. =D and i like that guy in that show. ahahaha.
[=(]
and oh liz? for some strange reason, i wandered if you're talking abt me. just wander...
hm. okay. it's sunday. how absolutely depressing.
[sometimes-]
ahaha. sometimes i get reminded of how much i miss talking to you like normalli? cos i dont get to do that much now. i guess? and its times like that when i realise how much i miss you too? as a friend as a person juz being there. you somehow always were though you werent there for me but you were there jus kinda there but you never helped me really? i guess. you were just in existence? but i miss you so. you make up part of my memories. happy or sad. they are memories. =) anyway. =) aha. happy v.day.
[why]
im sorry im such a liar.
u know what? i really worry about you. cos you hide everything and bottle everything inside you until one day you explode then you finally show something? seems wrong somehow. the way things are now. but you just say nah. im fine. nah im alright. aha. you remind me of someone. but dont do that yarh? its bad for you. u know? dont bottle everything inside yourself.
im sorry im such a liar.
nice song. was i outta my head was i outta my mind. no matter what i say only what i do. never mean to do bad things to you. fastball - was i outta my head.
oh. you all. ha. memories dearie. should throw them out by now. i should know better. =) cos the facts are so clear. now. right in front of my face. so why cant i face it and just wake up eh? why? she's just a stupid little girl. dont live in dreams girl. they dont work.
[=)]
aha. im always alright la. =) yup. today is a stupid day. lolx. sorryyyyyyy and thankuuuuuu zx. lol. =P i bully u la. sorrrrrry. ahaha. im lazy too lazy to do them now anyhow. so cornyyyyyyyyyyy lol. maybe marian'll like it? aha. goosebumps. lol. nah. v.......corNY! haha. sam's a very bad girl. shouldnt be doing things she's doing.
[lyrics]
Everything’s so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody’s empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
you could be my someone
you could be my savior?
you know that I'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what youre doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
can you take it all away
can you take it all away?
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
everyone is changing
there’s no one left that’s real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
you could be my someone
you could be my savior
you know that I'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what youre doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Oh, Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you where to run away
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you where to run away
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
this pain you gave to me
you take it all
you take it all away...
this pain you gave to me
you take it all away
this pain you gave to me
take it all away
this pain
*puddle of mud - blurry
Monday finds you like a bomb
It’s been left there ticking for too long
You’re bleeding
Some days there’s nothing left to learn
From the point of no return
You’re leaving
Chorus:
Hey, hey I saved the world today
Everybody’s happy now
The bad things gone away
And everybody’s happy now
The good things here to stay
Please let it stay
There’s a million mouths to feed
And I’ve got everything I need
I’m breathing
There’s a hurting thing inside
But I’ve got everything to hide
I’m grieving
Chorus
Let it stay, let it stay
Do da do da dooooo
The good thing
Chorus (2x)
*eurythmics - i saved the world today
[asshole]
oh. i saw him at the concert. have i told you how much i HATE intensely dislike him and the mere sight of his damned face? ARGH. i hatehimihatehimihatehimihatehim. shitty. i hate him. bah. he should die. ya he really should. or just go far far away. blah. i have a huge problem. im a hypocrite. how? aha. stupid. i hate him i fucking hell hate him. sorry. that was wrongly used. i dont think the situation demands such a word but whatever anyway. i dont like him. asshole.
[anything]
sad again eh. =) how usual. aha. im paranoid man. really going crazy. wonder whats wrong with me. wonder what i did wrong? hated today. ya really. i slept through almost all my lessons. kinda semi-sleep la. but i saw derek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ah i miss derek. aha. =) and ty. hrm. and i love marian! grins. =) <3<3<3 playing felt better today. less stressful? less depressing? still like that song a damn lot. cutmylifeintopiecesthisismylastresortsuffocationnobreathingdontgiveafuck...thisismylastresort. =) oh. i recorded a bit of the les miserables? dunno how to spell it la. lazy to check. aha. it's damn nice! and the concert was not bad la. just that i think the sound not that good? cos of the hall was like open air, then the sound like in front of us and not surrounding? so cant really feel the omph or sth? anyone wanna go saf band concert? 7march? or 8 march? think its the friday. foc as usual. sg conference hall. aha. kor's last concert. must go! shall prob go joyluckclub next day or sth la. i have exam the next day? sux. dontknowyouanymore losingmysightlosingmymindwishsomebodywouldtellmeimfine. want sleep. need sleep. sleep is gd. should stop thinking so much when im kinda slping. gives me nightmares. and semi-sleep. like sunday/monday. couldnt stop thinking? and i could barely sleep. nightmares? i dont know. unpleasant just that i know. i guess. dont know. dont know anything. sigh. anything.
[quiz: colour]
what color are you?
there wasnt any grey there anyway. grey fading.
[=)]
current nick: « sam² » cut my life into pieces [thisismylastresort] losing my mind
ok i got over it already. fine now. =) yays. ahaha. i like this song.
[ohmisery]
sorry. im a tad bit worked up now. u see. it gets a bit explosive after forcing it down. for like quite some time? and once in awhile. cos you never really got over it right, it creeps up and explodes in your face when youre not looking... again. cos im not really that strong. just pretend. pretend. =) cool aint it? stupid word. i hate that word. ok i use it too. but yuck anyhow. im a damned hypocrite. so sue me. i hate it anyway. what am i supposed to do? break down and cry like the little baby i really am of course. =) of course. right? im sorry. really really sorry. ha. im whining? i dont know. just moping in self misery. wallowing in self pity? self deluded? misery.
[brattylittlegirl]
im sorry if you think that you are worse off than most people so that makes it okay right? ya. it makes it really really ok you know? i understand. yup. i understand why. no actually i dont. im sorry. im just a little bratty girl doing my own little whining which you shouldnt even give a damn about anyway. =)
[=(]
you know what? i wish now aint now. and i miss you. so.
[bitch]
yup. okay. so im sad and pathetic and i know i have low self esteem and im a pushover and you can stick your jeering face with those eyes at me and give that expression. again. right? and im know im not supposed to let your opinion matter but i cant. shit it. i cant. im sorry i cant. every single thing each and every single one of you has said and done. i remember it all. you whatever u said last time. 2 years ago. you. 3 years ago? you all last year. everything. im sorry. no matter how long it was ago, i cant forget it. and no matter how i forgive and try to forget. it'll always stay there in the back of my brain. of my conscious. or semi-conscious. always there. ya i know. im prob the one with the attitude the mistake the action the words i said did wrong whatever. and ya. you all then HAVE the right to analyse me. judge me. do whatever say whatever. yup. and im not supposed to let it matter. i have to tell myself that your opinions dont matter. that you all dont matter at all. thats how people are. im sure i do it too. bitch mock analyse say. whether positivenegative. ha. how stupid i am. how stupid and selfish i am. behind their backs infront of them. ha. they have feelings too right? too bad im too easily influenced. dont know who i am now. am i like her too? the same as i said. ha. mock myself. how stupid i am. how brainlessly stupid. i wish i could just die away somewhere by myself. i wish i could. but i cant cos no matter how i psycho myself tell myself you all dont matter. you all dont give a shit. your opinions your words
everything doesnt matter? damnit. i cant block it out. im not that great. i wish. its okay. that's cos youre sad. that's cos you're sad. ha ha ha. you never changed right? human never change. the base nature is always the same. am i now like you too? you all? all of you? influenced with bits and pieces and parts of all of you? am i still myself? am i? wonderwonderwonder. maybe im not but i dont know. i dont notice. right? only you all would. how small i am you can step right over me. please let me remember what this feeling is like before i judgebitchmocksayanalyseanything anything again. i hate you. you always do this to me. whether its your fault or not. whether i deserve it or not. which in your dear opinion, i would. of course. i always do. =)
fade it all away. i want the world to fade away. i want to have a concussion and not remember every single thing they all said. no matter how long ago it was. i dont want to remember what i said. those hurtful words. bitch. damnit. i deserve it. damnit. i deserve it.
[paparoach-lastresort]
papa roach - last resort
something tells me i hyperlinked this before.
[friday]
would be so much easier that way.
i cant wait for sec 4 during that time. when i can stop feeling guilty. when i can get rid of that feeling in me. guilt always eats the person up. sux. cant play it. hate that feeling. hate trying but not working. hate that.
eating. =) seems to be a temporary kick. which doesnt really hurt right? got kick then can liao. the others dont seem to work.
dont know who i am. who am i really? nothing defines self. nothing im gd at right? like they say, jack of all trades but master of none? i guess. after what almost 15 years, nothing i can even think of. and that sucks. dont know what im here for. dont know what im exactli doing. meaningless.
[words]
seven sins: gluttony sloth jealousy
the silence was deafening. it hurt.
im waiting im waiting for you. i drew a line i drew a line for you- i thought you were special. i thought you should know.
Creep
- radiohead
When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
you're so fucking special.
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here
She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.
Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special,
but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.
look beyond the five fingers. look beyond what you see. it hurts. every single memory. is this what its being reduced to? everything? this is the noise that keeps me awake. head explodes. touch. and go.
[rowyourboat]
row row row your boat gently down the stream. my nick. :P row row row your boat....drifting away.
[sleep]
cut my finger unknowingly today. broken glass. crap can? that glass like cost more than the fish and the food? bleahhhhhh. so had to trouble shu to help me. dont think she was v. happy. =( thanks shu!!!!!!!!!!!!! hope ella had a happy birthday? =) sigh. cant wait for tmr afternoon cos i'll be free-r. i miss wasting time doing crap. cos i have NO time to bum. blah. and lik what's his problem? call neva talk. then say why u call me when i call back? like WAd de hell???????????????????? whateva. ya whatever. shoot them. bang. they're all died. yays. =) blahhhhhhh. im normal k. :P yarh. study bio. =( and chi. byebye. all i need is actually just sleep. it sucks to not kno anything in class cos im like semi-awake half dead then die in hw die in test. everything also die. aiesh. sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
[blah and- blahandblah&blah]
slash slash slash. ya. slash >> / or ? was thinking about what to do with it during band today. the whole time. and everythings look ugly. this is getting seriously overdone. must snap self back to reality. to simplicity. to whatever. blah. nvm. it sucks. i suck. ok whatever. im in that mood. blahblahblahblaHBLAH. reallie. dont know whats getting to me. simple would do fine. really. why the fuss? eh? so overdone. SO extra.
[=S]
burnt porridge sucks. not that school food is great. but burnt is worse. it takes forever to get rid of that taste. ergh. anyhow. outta point? where did that come from anyway. just dying to complain the whole day about it i guess. it really was traumatising. argh. lol. exaggerated.
wait till it smashes itself and bangs itself into nothingness. fade away. glass shards. broken. prettie. =) blah.
blahblahblah. v.blahy? left chi zhaoju studying and bio journal. i want thurs to come. my free-er day. i want the weekend to come? sleep come. darkness. emptiness. brainless then. how happy. ... ? comes to a point that if ure too busy, you wont think. then u wont get upset. and ha. this is no good. such minor things eh? stupid minor things. like that. sent ur heaven plummeting down. spelling? whatever. ya. whatever's good. whatever.
[hm-]
why does it seem that there are jamesbond movies every night? werd. hai. what do the teenagers during jap occ do during free time? argh. ha. i did 729 words suddenly. instead of the slow moving 100 50 blah. hate this kinda work. sucks. i want 15 days of cny hol. =) i wish.
[ha ha ha.]
OMGdness. ha. i am shocked. gdgrief? alvischioang? sorry about the name thing. but. ha. how deR heck did he get my email siaz. OMAN- nevermind. err. hah. its nice to talk with old 'friends' i guess. even those u used to bully and they kinda didnt make your life a very happy one. ha. seems asif they were all yesterday. oh dear. ha. i must do my history. damnit. = dont like war. hai. and what dEr heck is wrong with the way i talk? sheesh. whatever. =|
just came home from shu's house. hiak. i am a PIG. sigh. eat and eat and eat. no thanks to shu. bleah. ella, your present is driving me nuts. i give up. hai. hrm. ok nvm. shant talk so much. someone said i talk too much on irc yez. stupid guy. byebye. =)
[=)]
hahaha. im happy. =D. if you couldnt tell. laaaaaaaaaaaaa~ feels gd to be happy. i guess. =)
[=)]
cool. i have a big screen projector at home. ha. ok the screen was there ages ago. i just didnt have a projector. hiak. =) my mom has to sit damn far away in order to watch, cos its too big close up. lolx. ok nvm. haha. james bond's die another day, not too bad. =) not like the usual james bond movie eh? grins. i dont like that bitch though. ha. bitch she deserves. k nvm. ermmm. =) little kids shouldnt be pampered else they become spoilt brats then you die. =D yah? ha. shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu are we gonna do the proj nort? and aud too! argh. if not ar, im not free liao. =) bumming appeals so much more u know? =) kk. so many smiley faces are scary. oh. i want fighting fishes. ha. k nvm. damn. why do i keep sneezing? the whole day. blah.
[fridayfive?]
Hm. This is a tad bit late. But nevermind. Beats doing homework on a sunday when the next day's a holiday yarh.
1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
don't think i ever really had one. i guess. ha. i knew i wanted to be a witch. or something. to be able to do all this things eh? lol.
2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got? i dont know. maybe i was really lucky or something? but i always wanted an older brother. and i still do. as in blood. not sworn and all that. but i guess that's the closest eh? unless i have some sibling my parents never told me about which i highly doubt.
3. What's the furthest from home you've been?
furthest? i dont know geographically. but ive been to usa, rome, paris, london? switz. aust. oh m'sia. but that's near. and some others la.
4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
saxophone!!!!!!!!! ha. oh. i want to learn erm. either taekwando/karate/akido(sp?) or something. ha. some defence thing la. jaP. last time. now french. ha. oh wait. that's i dont know how many things.
5. What are your plans for the weekend?
what weekend. sigh. visiting homework. sleeeeeeeeeeeeping. and proB if possible go out to bum. sleep. =) make myself happy. brainlessly happy.
idontlikethem.nah.
okay. homework. philippines: colonialism to independence and blahblahblahblahblah half a million things. oh zx i got 16/20 for that rasputin thingae. thankyou!!!!!!! =D wanna sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
[smile?]
this is a damn bad start to the 'new year'.
im sorry to everyone whom ive upset(ted?) whom ive angered. everything i did to any of you all of you. im sorry.
if this is really considered a new year, i have a feeling it'll be a bad year.
i like: roxette - it must have been love. ha. we were singing "i feel good....the way that i should...." ha etcetc. =) in the car. silly. silly leetle kids. ha. they rock. ya. they rock.
[justlikethat]
marian? -huggles- i love ya. =) sigh.
im sorry i sound so sian. im sorry i dont sound happy. might it juz be bcos i AM not happy? maybe that would be a good enough reason eh? im sorry i may be spoiling your mood. im sorry. then again. whats in a sorry. just some 5 letter word eh. i love my cousins. =D every one of them. they rock. ya. =) sigh.
Saved: 23:53:16 , 30.01.2003
Thank you for letting me know. He died already.
23:57:06
They're all leaving. All gone. All going. I made a mistake again. I let them matter when they shouldn't have. And one by one, they're going... Again. Deja vu.
im just another person ya. i'll go someday too. dont wanna spoil your mood. you should go enjoy yourself and be happy and all that. you deserve it. today's just another day. just anothe-r day.
oh. i almost forgot. happy cny.
oh. look. you got that lopsided smile too. but then. ha. you're just a figment of the past now. just another someone else. bye. to you.