[=D]

hehe. finally. :D tatu - all the things she said. =D i like that song. likelikelike. haha. shuuuuuuu. my precioussssssssssss. lost my precioussssss. =( bleahy. nevermind. silly. oh no. sorethroaT. sux. tmr got theory exam? haha. the sch wan la. feels silly to be blogging. doesnt matter so much anymore eh? dun wanna go hcJc anymore. if i can even get there la. =) muz study for chem now. was sleeeeeeeepy jus now. hai. dun bully jy. haha. shu : =P if it maKes you happy.......... then why the hell are you so sad. omY. its 13th i keep writing 12th. hrmph. werd. cousin got oP on wed. nizam's last day on wed......... hrmm. sigh.

set adrift on 10:16 p.m. Monday, January 13, 2003 . gbook .

[=(]

shit. my gums are bleeding. argh. stupid fingernail. sigh. bloody.... =( dad came home yesterday. he bought so many shirts. and they're so ergh girly err feminine. =( its like siao lorh. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. hai. and hes bias. he din buy anything much for my bro or mom. juz alotalotalot of those shirts. omaNnnnnnnnnn. = sigh. dont laugh at me if u eva see me wearing that and ask me if i got fever k. blarh.

set adrift on 02:58 p.m. Sunday, January 12, 2003 . gbook .

[quiz: lotr]


What Lord of the Rings Male and Mood Do You Desire?
brought to you by Quizilla

eh?

set adrift on 12:38 a.m. Sunday, January 12, 2003 . gbook .

[plug]

garbage - only happy when it rains. dot dot. =) btw chrissie i love your new layout. like <3 absolutely? very very nice. i think iz my favourite. =) yup k.

set adrift on 12:11 a.m. Sunday, January 12, 2003 . gbook .

[illbestable]

dont know what for. dont know what's these for. one two three four five six seven eight nineteneleventwelve... 1234567891011121314151617181920...green bottles? bottles. =) empty spaces blanks stone hrm happy song? oh. garbage - when i grow up. :D when i growupipromisei'llbestable. its tomorrow.

set adrift on 12:03 a.m. Sunday, January 12, 2003 . gbook .

[whitespaces]

treat you like a normal person eh. im trying. i really am. red. sorry i cant help it. sorry i broke it. they flow out anyway. sorry. to myself. sorry sorry sorry sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry. ='( sorry.

want amnesia. want to be free. dont want these memories. dont want memories. pain in the wrong places. physical pain. want need want?

set adrift on 11:54 p.m. Saturday, January 11, 2003 . gbook .

[msnnick]

« sam² » i thought you died that day

emo songs?

set adrift on 11:46 p.m. Saturday, January 11, 2003 . gbook .

[blank]

they got up to leave. left. gone away. disappeared. vanished. drifted away. in that single moment. that time. that instance. regret its useless. regret you cant get it back. regret it wont work that way. regret what for. but regret. still. eminem - hallie's song. elton john - sorry seems to be the hardest word. sometimes i think im crazy. why am i here im just wasting my time. kelly rowland - stole. sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders. red hot chilli peppers - the zephyr song. leave. left. inside its driving me crazy. my insecurities could eat me alive. sorry. look see ahead. left. blurs into one grey.

set adrift on 11:40 p.m. Saturday, January 11, 2003 . gbook .

[quiz : care bear]

See what Care Bear you are.

set adrift on 11:33 p.m. Saturday, January 11, 2003 . gbook .

[lost]

sad. i feel az if ive lost myself. everything looks the same u know? the visuals and all. but everything is different? i dunno. it somehow seems werd. sad. =( sad. :'( everyone's gone and went away. eh? why so werd. whywhywhy so werd. oh that song. its a sad sad situation.......... its sad so sad.

set adrift on 11:01 p.m. Saturday, January 11, 2003 . gbook .

[deedum]

i am pissed. my whole entry disappear juz now. sigh. k nvm. should have saved it. sighhhhhh. heard this chi song on radio... passion 97.2fm juz now? iz nice. in the middle got this phone call thingae la. then this girl i think. called this person i think guy la. to say she juz remembered his bdae saw on the calender and called to say hi and ... happy birthday. quite sad la. dunno. i like that song. okay it sounds damn corny damn lame. but iz nice k? oh tienyew? does she seem like my 'problem solver' now? haha. more like? =P when we agreed that we'll go hcjC if we could next time, guess we didnt see the integrated proG and all that stuff eh. prob cant get in anyhow so wad de heck? sigh. feels funny blogging. dunno why. jus werd? guess im more or less ok la. so no real need to blog eh? should study instead. study until headache wanna puke in the bus. sux. shouldnt drink so much caffaeine? spelling. argh. caffeine. caffeine? hrm. looks weird. sigh. nvm. i think we're giving coffee bean alot of business? hrm. ah well. kkk. should study then sleep. sleep is good. ulcer sucks. its like a blister in ur mouth. arGH. from biting myself? damnit. feels azif got hole soon. then like piercing. put a stud in it eh? so darmb. nvm. lame. hai. kkk. byebye~

set adrift on 09:53 p.m. Thursday, January 9, 2003 . gbook .

[wish]

maybe iz just me. looking at things from a different light now. and it feels so werd. and it looks so strange. and new. unfamiliar environment. still hurts. but i keep biting it? no sadist. hurts. wish the pain would go away. wanna do something. doodle. anything.

set adrift on 10:05 p.m. Wednesday, January 8, 2003 . gbook .

[hurts]

dunnowhyubothertalkingtomeliaolorh.feelstensedandterse.hawordinengtoday. andandandidunno.werdladifferentyarh.lol.different.bleah.bleahy?bleah.mouthhurts.biteharderkillthepain?nologic.hai.study.idunlikethissong.=(

set adrift on 09:57 p.m. Wednesday, January 8, 2003 . gbook .

[blank]

iz cold here. listening to some farnie musIck shaun sent. 2 songs. what did he call it? progressive rock ar? hai. ok la. muz blast damn loud den shuang =) feeling werd. am studying k. words make a different dont they? the things people say and do. funny. how much change it can bring yarh. ok duh. lol. the song damn funny. so werd. u so werd. hiak. i like this. dream theatre - metropolis (part 1) braindead music.

set adrift on 09:50 p.m. Wednesday, January 8, 2003 . gbook .

[oOoOoh]

i absolutely detest it when my entry doesnt appear. I HATE PITAS! ARGH IT SUX. oops. k nvm. pretend u din read that? khin dear? dont think so much yarh? control. =) ren u kno right? ;) blarh. my mouth hurts so much. shouldnt have bit my lip. it hurts lik siao lorh? and even got the visuals so show for it. bleahy. im whining abt it. been whining abt it. sux. hey. it hurts? nvm. = should go get studyinG. hai. sorry ty. cOs i talk so much abt my work but i neva get it done anyhowwwwwwwwwwwww. but appreciate u trying to force me to do it? at least i did err start? sigh. bleah. that smell's everywhere. = like EVERYWHERE. k my fault. but nvm. i like it? hee. xu hui xin - xue hui. do my homework everyday. try not to sleep and pay attention in school. iz that good? but how come i end up feeling sleepier than last yr when i slept lesser? urebadformesoyoushouldgoawayshouldntubutitsmyfaultonlyicanhelpmyselfright? i like that chi song maN! :D i dunno if i'll regret one day? regret all the people i drifted from? hs? ger? nyPs? rina? zx? alotalotalotalotaloT. hai. maybe say i din really know them that well in the first place. but they were there. and. i dont know. just drift and float away eh? even sam now? dunno la. maybe im overeacting siaz? maybe i'll regret. shouldnt do things i'll regret. =) i lik piggIe. he's nice! :P ha. dunnowherethatcameoutfrom. k nvm. defence mechanism.

jy said "Wars not make one great " - Yoda. Is that true? and The strength of a civilization is not dependent on its wealth and technology but on its sense of compassion. How far is this true? i like gP paper. =) hee. nicenicenicenicenicenice. physics iz like maTHS! ARGH. but i luv maths. dun reallie like sci. = haI. i forgot my chem stuff again today. sucks man. they're at the back of my mind liaO. already. starting to forget them again? like subconsciously still there. but not there that much anymore eh? ghosts left. few. dunno. over anyhow. bacK to realitY~ haha. i think ell said that? dunno la. i luv my history teacher. she roCKs. haha. had onli like 1/2 lessons but cos of her i dun wanna change combi. she roCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D but wish e/elit got that teacher. shes good. =) mouth hurtshurtshurtshurtshurts. im not one for pain eh. =) haha. got some shanghai trip at the end of the yr? should i go? haha. and actuallie got one more end of term 1 that time. if go, no obS. hai. and the marnie. haha. i got no marnie. lol. dunno la. i wanna fly on airplane. miss it k? reallie. sigh. talkcrapnothingbutcrap. illusions~ aIr~ ice. ha. silly. alive!!!!!!!!!!! LOL. im not hopeless am i? ha. khin says im not desperate cos i got too many walls build up. =) yay. wait. i dunno if thats good or bad nort. bleah. ok should go shower. i smell of i dunnowad siaz. but shower is gd anyhow. =) should i take music as a subject? SHIT. i got no 2 set pieces. sigh. k nvm. studyyyyyyyyyyy chine s e. c h i n e s e. sigh. not that i hate it but . studying? not for me la. not my idea of fun yarh. =) byebye. oh ya i need a new layout. hrm k. -reminds self=

alan silverstri - forrest gump suite :)

set adrift on 08:17 p.m. Wednesday, January 8, 2003 . gbook .

[?]

funny how i didnt blog yesterday. i cant rem why. werd. nevermind. doesnt matter does it really? khin < -bish= :P ooOh. haha. ate durians yesterday. 2 box for $5 and yah, i think it was only worth the 2.50 and nothing more. quite sucky but haha. anyhow. got kick ma. =) eat liao then happy. hiak. and eat eat eat aloT of ice cream. i == sampiG. yarh? =) heh. piG eat so much. hai. hrm. k i gotta go study. want a new layout. i just realised i still havent done the layout for ian. oh dear. sorry kor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorrysorrysorrysorry. = ish monday tomorrow. =( i want a bag. hai.

set adrift on 04:41 p.m. Sunday, January 5, 2003 . gbook .

[dear...]

d, thanks? =) haha. cos u always care. and daniel, grins. dun worry. im not making myself feel small. i know it myself la. my weakness. but im not thinking that much about it now la. k? =) and jy, cheer up yarh? read the email! :P hehe. khin? thankuz for talking to me. ladidum. :) yinkae, dont worry it wasnt u who made me feel like that yar? already felt like that. sam? sorry. i never listen you out. im sorry i gave u the cactus. im sorry its dying. but human err too. nobody's perfect. cactus gotta pass on. but u'll survive right? ure strong. i know you are. ty and derek, sorry for dying halfway into conversation. guess doesnt really matter anyhow. jw, heh. dun die yet yah? im SO SORRY abt the party. :P:P:P. haha. ok. goodnight

paul anka - sealed with a kiss. haha. i like this song. and peter kater - emergence. rocks :D

only gotta say goodbye for the summer...darling i promise you this, i'll send you all my love, everyday in a letter, sealed with a kiss... guess its gonna be a cold lonely summer, but i'll fill the emptiness, i'll send you all my dreams, everyday, in a letter, sealed with a kiss... yadayadayada. haha. i like the song. =)

set adrift on 11:15 p.m. Friday, January 3, 2003 . gbook .

[=)]

i wish shu was here. wanna give her a hug. =) she rocks k? =D

set adrift on 10:54 p.m. Friday, January 3, 2003 . gbook .

[quiz: my way to live]

this is my way to live
What about yours?
made by rav-chan

i like neutral. the world's a shade of grey.

set adrift on 10:50 p.m. Friday, January 3, 2003 . gbook .

[fear]

hrm. guess you get over people but you neva really get over them yarh? all the same. they are all the same. how tru. lol. yarh, how true.

fear eh. once bitten twice shy. fear. same fear everyone has. fear. makes me who i am. silly? they say nothing to fear but fear itself. shrug. still scared anyhow. always. scared.

she calls out to the man on the street, sir can you help me? ... he walks on doesnt look back. he pretends he cant hear her. starts to whistle as he crosses the street, seems embarressed to be there............~

set adrift on 10:06 p.m. Friday, January 3, 2003 . gbook .

[memories]

she called out to the man on the streets ~ haha. i finally found the stupid song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im happy. =D hee. phil collins - another day in paradise. ladeeeeeeeeedum. sigh. was feeling so shitty before that. k not shitty. juz. dunno. werd la. silly sam? sampiG. hai. =

do u know that im missing you?
ya. people silly people.
dont know where to find you when you're not even there
(naked - dont cry)
and you dont know what you've got till its gone.
(counting crows - big yellow taxi)

sigh. tired. <3 to eat and sleep. tired. sigh. ya. tired. memories? all thats left is memories i cant remember anymore.

set adrift on 09:50 p.m. Friday, January 3, 2003 . gbook .

[hai]

u know they say when u go jC, people from certain schools find it hard to adapt? thats why i always wanted mixed sch? haha. k nvm. but yarh. i guess if ure used to more 'prestigious' (sp?) schools all the way, then you change for instance, poly or something, as in when it is a different, then you find it hard to adapt and no matter how u try, you just get so down and depressed yarh? sigh. muz study hard. =( gotta find a way to motivate myself to study for chi test next week.

feeling like a pig. eat and eat and eat and eat. ya, hobbies? eat and sleep. = sigh. sigh. jy? dun be so :( sorry i din reply and u think people are drifting and all that. dun start sounding like me k? cheer up yarh? even if u dun like it, try. try to. try to be flexible and adapt. maybe u think i cant understand, maybe i cant understand, but all i know iz if you already have a negative idea of it, it cant get any better. cos only you can make it better. every morning, tell yourself it'll be a good day today. and somehow, everything wont seem so bad. you can look at things with more than one viewpoint. dont always see the bad side of it. try to find a good in everything? hope u do cheer up yarh? dun worry la. if u all are really friends, no matter how busy and all that the new life is, u all wont drift too far. memories will always be there. friends forever people say, theres a reason why they say it u know? theres a reason why you can have such old friends. cOz they do work. =) friendships. and they do last yarh? =) think on the bright side la. see different people and try to understand and learn abt them, and get to know them? and have friends from all over. you'll find they arent that bad. =) -huggles= dun be sad k. dun want you to be sad.

set adrift on 07:47 p.m. Friday, January 3, 2003 . gbook .

[jan 2nd]

ya marian's right i guess. = hrm. :) should be pragmatic (haha) yarh? yurp. so no no. muz stick to reso. hez liddat to everyone la. no diff yarh? cannot like. =) dangerous la. walls come crumbling down << no good. u know? so silly. silly sam. shall throw the mickey into the cupboard. dun wanna see it. dun wanna remember anything.

i finally rem the imaGes. after trying to for so long. hrm? sigh. sigh. sigh. i wanna go out tmr after school. =( but shall be a good girl. shall go for band. should i take hcl? i dont wanna study. think im gonna do badly anyhow. predicted. sigh. kuO's form teacher. at least he can teach chem. =) then my chem will be ok. right? and pure history teacher looks strict. but then at least i'll do my work and pay attn yarh. slping early trying everyday. then will pay attn in class. class not anything great, but nvm, better, then i'll concentrate? sigh. wads that line again? something abt lonely person. khIN!!!!! what's that line. hrm........ do you believe in love after life??? iz it that one? sigh. hrm. i din know zx took pure history. hrm. funny idea? =) ah well. renhui is nice. =) muz study hard. clean new slate. oh janet nG said dunnohu said "begin with an end in mind". yarh. =) good night~

set adrift on 09:58 p.m. Thursday, January 2, 2003 . gbook .

[week 0]

this sux. its week 0. they cheated us of one week. we have a stupid chinese test next saturday. sigh. =( and so, pathetically stuDYING on the first day of school? like wad de hell? sigh. k. i guess it's my fault i didn't study in the hols la. but whatever. = sigh. ya, sigh. oh well.

i'll survive yarh? survive the whole year so i can go out and play at the end of the year and enjoy it. hiak. whatever. oh. ... ... ... k. done. bye. =)

set adrift on 09:32 p.m. Thursday, January 2, 2003 . gbook .

[oh sleep.]

ella. im curious. wad date. and i hate him. i utterly dislike him. sorry. i just cant stand his face. bleah. nvm. sigh. i haven done my bk review kno? but i dun care you kno? u dun need to know actually. hiak. silly. sleeeeepy. sigh. tmr at 7. got some band thing at 1015. got music class. so shit. i haven prAc the whole hol. eh? hai. damn. dAMN. i hate school. no actually. but i like other things more. bye. slpy. slpy. actualli have alot of things to say... but. zzzzzZzzzzzzzzz

set adrift on 10:21 p.m. Wednesday, January 1, 2003 . gbook .

[2003]

hi. =) im at ella's house. haha. kkiez. sigh. we got back bout 3 plus. damn sad can? I got scolded for nothign siaz. they went home so early!!!!!!!!! ARGH. kek can? sigh. =( prob last time I'm gonna be goin with them and all la. school starting liaox. gonna be a good girl. :P yarh? wheres my halo. haix. HAI. anyhow. we did preeeeeeeeeeeeeetie bottles and blah for them. =) i like ricky's and edwin's! haha. = ah well. sigh. =) happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D 2003 liaox. die. sian. tmr got school. SIAN. argh. siansiansiansiansian. =p happy new yr sam. sorry i din reply yarh. dun so sian k. dun be like me. that's bad. =P

set adrift on 04:07 a.m. Wednesday, January 1, 2003 . gbook .

[=|]

went to watch 2 weeks notice yesterday. =) was nice. heh. ty, the movie's on the screen you know? so look there. bleah. hrm. yup. anyhow, since im prob not going to be home till like 1 later. hopefully on time and will not get caned during the 1st hour of the new year yarh? so. resolutions. or aims la. resolutions sound so. = ha.

1. Pass all exams, especially those I studied for.
2. Not pon band practices especially all those times I oversleep sigh. shh.
3. Cut down on net time, kill the addiction.
4. the same reso as this yr.
5. not play, study. like my class. ren3 all the people i cant stand. and not bitch. =D

rubbish. talking rubbish. sigh. i like this song. kelly rowland - stole. haha. ell, lifestyle of rich & famous is nice. i like the beat! hrm. last day eva. sigh. kk. happy new year in advance.

=( 2003. another year. growing older. argh. i dont wanna grow up. blarh. =( blah. blahblahblahblahblah. =( oh darn. i havent finished my hw. one la. shhhh. = hrm. mandy moore - only hope. =)

set adrift on 11:37 a.m. Tuesday, December 31, 2002 . gbook .

[Friday Five]

Friday Five : December 27, 2002

1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?
None? I think. Studying for chinese and failing it. =( Getting a job? I didn't break my resolution. =D Yet.

2. What was your biggest disappointment?
Studying for chinese and failing it, getting into a sucky class with no class spirit.

3. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions?
Ya, but probably won't keep to them as usual.

4. Where will you be at midnight? Do you wish you could be somewhere else?
Hopefully outside, I got promised permission. And hopefully no 1am curfew?

5. Aside from (possibly) staying up late, do you have any other New Year's traditions?
Calling people to wish them Happy New Year? Waking them up from their sleep. None la.

I give up. I am bored. =(

set adrift on 01:38 p.m. Monday, December 30, 2002 . gbook .

[=D]

hahahahaa. I finished my essay!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehehehe. okay. muahahahaha. =D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D. lalalalalaalalaaaaaa~ =D grins. i overshot k. i did 1446 words. lalalalala. silly essay. but i DONT CARE. i'm done. =D

bleah. on the other hand. i still have one chi review one erp and studying. oh dARN. hiaK. lalalalala~

set adrift on 01:13 a.m. Monday, December 30, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz : kitten colour]


What color of kitten would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla

grey lazy kitten? i like kittens, dont like cats? =\

set adrift on 12:44 a.m. Monday, December 30, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz: fairy]


What kind of fairy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Calm yet sweet, kind but likes to be alone, i bet you would want to do dance with everyone else u just dont want to go down there a face them. Your a fall fairy.

set adrift on 04:32 p.m. Sunday, December 29, 2002 . gbook .

[burp]

shit. why am i having hiccups? bleah. i hate twisties sour cream and onion. it sux. =( oh ya, anyway, that day ell liz marian khin and i went out for lunch, then ell did this farnie card future telling thingae? haha. and im suay!!!!! k la. not that bad. im supposed to marry this guy who loves me alot and have 1/12 looks. lol. and no money and iz braindead. sigh. ooh. like this song. haha. cant stop loving you ~ phil collins? heh. =D depressing. its sch in 4 days? 3. dunno. oh and i got another earhole. bleah. hope i dun get caught la. haix. my dad misunderstood. he said only one hole per ear, choose which one i want. blarh. nvm. i cant undo the hole now can i? = hope can go out on new yr's eve. =D

set adrift on 04:22 p.m. Sunday, December 29, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz : self mutilation]


What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

??

set adrift on 04:07 p.m. Sunday, December 29, 2002 . gbook .

[freaked]

shit. am i going crazy or is my comment system a bit werd? bah. BLAH. hrm. funny. it got edited by i dunno hu. weRd. why is it saying poseurs? werd. oman. im getting f r e a k e d. or did i do that a long time agO? =O

set adrift on 11:30 a.m. Sunday, December 29, 2002 . gbook .

[dontknow]

suddenly feel bad for leaving jw's party that night though i didnt really like it. =( and marian, sorry if our gift leaves bad memories for you. reminds you and makes you sad? it wasnt meant to be like that. hrm. i miss the macs people!!!!!!!!! ARGH. =( yez night sat there and i felt so bad. cos i know that i wasnt supposed to be there and i didnt feel comfortable being there and everything was over. the hols are almost over. is it supposed to be forgotten just like that? and i felt so bad every time i saw julian. cos i feel as if i know something and not telling him and gonna make him sad and i dunno. just felt bad la. haha. and miche and hQ are... = nvm. and nizAm. sigh. nizam. sigh. sigh. sigh sigh sighsighsighsigh. =( oh and yarh khin. =) they rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D i luv them knO? hrm. =) guess there are pros and cons la. cos it really aint our world. so we should just get moving along back with our usual lives eh? ella? i dont want it to be bad memories for u? i dunno. feel lik i want you to have happy memories of it too. but nvm. sigh. i guess? hai. i wanna take photos. like photos. want a camera. phone bills gonna kill me. k im werd. ithink? =P byebye. homework's waiting~

pitas was being irritating yez and refused to let me blog. sigh. wadevA~ i want a new layout. i wanna move away. i wanna disappear~ but too recognisable sam says. sigh. impossible yarh?

set adrift on 11:20 a.m. Sunday, December 29, 2002 . gbook .

[>:O]

im irritated. didnt put on my earrings properly this morning. so i lost one side. ARGH. >:O my fave k. its this pair of scissors. hee. =) i like it. cant find it anymore. sigh. stupid me. *bish myself* ella's coming back today! hA. i sound infatuated with her. no actually. only when she comes back then i can give out christmas presents. =S daniel's coming back today too! stupid derek. STUPID derek. >:O nvm. treated my bro to watch lotr today. supposed to be he give me free tix but end up otherwise. hrmph. nevermind. im nice. =D hee. still having a bleeding headache. since i woke up. muz be cos i slept too much hm? oh yarh, yinkae, grins. i hope u liked that sms. haha.

edit: yay. i found it. haha. silly me. oh well. and green tea cures headache? =D

set adrift on 06:19 p.m. Thursday, December 26, 2002 . gbook .

[whatever]

he said go and discipline yourself then you'll be happy. rubbish. i sad happy like you care right? haha. i do all my homework liao. you leave me alone. then i v. happy la? you dont even understand me. right? i bought that thing ure eating it now, and u're scolding me when ure eating it? u know why i went to work? cos i didn't want to ask you for money this christmas to buy christmas presents. cos i know you dont have the money. and you scolded me for working. and you didnt allow me to work. and whenever i spend "time with the family" youre not even around anyway. and you say i dont. and you say im always going out. and that i never contribute to the family. and that i only know how to spend money. and go out. and whatever. ya, that's right. whatever. whatever i dont care anymore.

set adrift on 10:48 p.m. Wednesday, December 25, 2002 . gbook .

[haha.]

nah. im not good enough. sigh. christmas. feeling damn guilty? oh well. was. Lord, i sin so much. i feel bad. yet i cant control myself? and i dun dare to go to church anymore. i feel outta place. i dont wanna go. im scared. i feel guilty. sigh. anyhow. ok. nvm. happier than last night i guess. thanks yinkAe. merry christmas yeshie? =D hrm. i slept at 4am yez. muahaha. silly. werd. got a mosquito bite near my eye. hrm. i wanna give the brownies AWAY today. damn. DAMN. >:O ella. stupid ella. HAHAHAA. i just called her mom. lol. her mom will pay for the phone bill? damn. im evil. haha. she'll kill me if i called her phone la. like DUH. lol. hope i dun get charged for overseas call? lol. ok nvm. hrm. i need to get the great world city! wheres my dad. argh. hrm. lalalala~ i wanna give away the brownies TODAY. blarh. stupid ella. stupid ella. stupid ella. lol. shes not here so i can say that. oops. nvm. ella, tmr when u come back, u wont be stupid anymore yarh? hee. newyrseve wanna go out with macs pple? hrm? =) damn. it keeps raining! oh well. betta now but....... llalalalalala~ lemon tree~ hee. oh holy night.....

set adrift on 02:30 p.m. Wednesday, December 25, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz: goofy quiz]

i took this goofy quiz @ naivete
this quiz was made by sara

set adrift on 01:24 a.m. Wednesday, December 25, 2002 . gbook .

[sad]

u know wad? suddenly i dun feel so high anymore. sigh. happy at the expense of others? =( my bro is sad. sad he got left out. i think? i din get him anything. i din know what to get. in fact, i think the prez i got this yr sux. and that sux. cos i like giving more than receivinG? i juz like being remembered i guess. and i din rem pple who remembered me? =( and pple are sad. =( i dun like pple sad when im happy.

set adrift on 01:12 a.m. Wednesday, December 25, 2002 . gbook .

[merrychristmas]

haha. ya marian. finally feels like christmas eh. took thAT long. grin. oh well. it IS christmas now. =D im happy. but i wish i could be at two places at the same time? yarp. hee. shouldnt be too greedy la. hrm. happy. =D haha. all the prezzies i got is quite silly but ah. im easy to please u know? even if i dont like it. i'll find sth to like. lalalala~ merry christmas to all of you! =D wish everyone was not overseas, but back in sg! haI. lalala.

merry christmas! :D

set adrift on 12:32 a.m. Wednesday, December 25, 2002 . gbook .

[lemontreelyrics]

I'm sitting here in a boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time, I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around, I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens, and I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast, I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely, I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens, and I wonder

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning, turning, turning, turning, turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon tree

Sing! Da, da da dee da, etc.

I'm sitting here, I miss the power
I'd like to go out taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired, put myself into bed
Where nothing ever happens, and I wonder

Isolation, is not good for me
Isolation, I don't want to sit on a lemon tree
I'm stepping around in a desert of joy
Baby anyhow I'll get another toy
And everything will happen, and you'll wonder

I wonder how I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue, blue sky
And all that I can see is just another lemon tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning, turning, turning, turning, turning around
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree

And I wonder, wonder, I wonder how I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue, blue sky
And all that I can see (dit dit dit)
And all that I can see (dit dit dit)
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree

fools garden - lemon tree.

shu and marian. :D hee. i like it. christmas eve. wOo~

set adrift on 12:22 a.m. Tuesday, December 24, 2002 . gbook .

[=)]

lol. i dun care if im in denial or not. i dun like him liao. :D hee. i got cards. pathetic. but haha. silly. they write thankyoupostman. my mom commented. =) wonder if the postman really reads all those stuff. lol. lalalaa~ stupid ella, come bacK noW! or blog at least? HRM. no com? =(

byebye daniel. lol. sorry for hitting u so many times. grin. to every action got equal opposite reaction k. grin. ha. im lame. k. saw this little girl in orange dress that day. small kid. she fell. she din cry! =D just got up and walked along jumping as if nothing was wrong. different k. most kids cry. i like that kid. she's strong. =)

set adrift on 11:51 p.m. Monday, December 23, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz: cocktail]


""Which cocktail are you?""
brought to you by Quizilla

set adrift on 11:50 p.m. Monday, December 23, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz: soul origin]


Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

feel sad. =(

stupid pitas refuses to let me blog my entry. so i'll put it here.

thought ud understand. guess i was wrong. hrm. guess i was wrong. brush it all off. time to forget it all.

set adrift on 11:40 p.m. Saturday, December 21, 2002 . gbook .

[stupidella]

ladedum. wanna play. but cant afford to. hrm. werdie me. yarh? all my christmas cards will prOb arrive laTE!!!!!!!!!!!!! how? =( bleah. im not even finished with it yet. hrm. my prezzies too. all half half liddat. i v. unsure leh. how? sigh. suxOr. oh well. oh! i got christmas prezzies liao! hee. ok la. quite sucky cos i already knew what they were cept one? i like it! another cross chain, but a silver one now? =) nicenice. why everybody give me black string chain? what do u call it? i like silver. lol. k nvm. = gotta write finish my cards and ermmmm do my homework and sleep! i miss macs. =( ok i dont. i miss the people @ macs. stupid ella extended her trip by one more day. steWpid ella. =(

set adrift on 11:15 p.m. Saturday, December 21, 2002 . gbook .

[silly]

hols make me think they affect me aloT. as in now compare laz time. different yet same but still different? ladeeedum. i muz wake up at 8 tomorrow. oh. my bro got into fairfield. do i still consider him my bro siaz? he makes me sad. and irritated i cant do anything to change his attitude. that face that expression that language i wanna slap him hard on his face. and tell him his aint my bro anymore. cos the brother i kno isnt like that.

i miss them now u know? how? werd. blarh. blahblahblahbLAH. = hOW! cant get it outta my mind. my christmas everythign i think is gonna be late this yr. sIGH. last week almost of hols left. i still have so much things to do. it doesnt even feel like i had hols. sigh~ sighsighsighsigh. they not free cant find them. he fly off to bruneI lo. werdie guy. but nice la. lol. all of them alwaez remind me of jy. grin. but nvm. jy pretend u din see this. lol. starting to get addicted to the phone? btw, u stupid guy. i cant stand you. bah. guess i see u in a different light now yarh.

haha. it muz be quite shitted to be caught kissing by a few dozen little kids and big kids too. LOL. had international conference. violin. then this guy frm aust i think and this girl from philippines got caught kissing in one of the rooms or sth. and all the small kids were making a big fuss bout it. "so sick man!" sick then u still go and see. haiyo. = OH CRAP. i juz rem i was supposed to do a new layout. oh well. nvm. inspiration already gone. sam's not even back yet. my picture is still one box with a cross on the top left. bleah. k nvm. gdnight. im tired. of writing rubbish. fingers tired of typing? concert was so silly. thats why i din want anyone to go watch? =X

set adrift on 11:57 p.m. Friday, December 20, 2002 . gbook .

[rubbish]

ladedum. i muz remember what i promised myself. =) yarh. those dreams kinda dont help. but nevermind. they're one week old. hrm. cant help it yarh. actually i can. nevermind. im bullshitting. i need my privacy. =D

not usualli like that ya know. really. kinda werd? know they only giving in cos im a girl? but seems werd la. i dont like seeming so small gas? i feel like it? so weRd. ya. werd.

are independent school girls alOt like suicidal liddat? really meh. werd. why do i feel like a stranger when i see you. are u okay. really. i dont know what to say to you.

i spent 51.9 today. at giant. werd? werd. gack. im broke? aRGH. no more marnie liao how. ella, our shared prezs how? marian liz khin, when u all free for dinner! =D or something. lunch also can la i guess. school's coming back soon. i havent done my hw nor studied. shitted? shitted. = im gonna miss them. i already am. im no rubbish collector. =P feels unnatural and werd today. just more stable i guess. lol. stable is werd.

set adrift on 11:39 p.m. Thursday, December 19, 2002 . gbook .

[no games]

=( its really nice memories turned sour now. ella, did u get my sms? the one last night? about our walls coming down and for all we knO we're de ones getting played eh. how farnie.

why cant u take no for an answer huh. i feel azif im being threatened? i give up. i dont wanna play with any of you anymore. im tired. ni men ke yi fang guo wo ma? i already put in too much time. and i got over it. so why cant u let me get over it peacefully? eh? to let me go back with my otherwise much more normal life that im accustomed to? why wont u let me go.

damn. i like the song alOt. when i grow up i'll be stable~ ella. come back quiCkli. shit im cant be dependent on others. thats bad u kno? killing me softly with his song~ are u all reallie dat desperate? hrm? we're quite normal u kno? cant u keep it simple? i'll be much happier? with happier memories.

dont slam down the phone on me. i don't like it. sorry no cure he said. too bad lorh. what u expect me to do. WHAT do u want out of me. cant u just cut it short and tell me? i dont wanna play games with you.

set adrift on 11:30 p.m. Wednesday, December 18, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz : sad song]


What's Your Sad Song?
brought to you by Quizilla

set adrift on 11:40 p.m. Tuesday, December 17, 2002 . gbook .

[phantomoftheoperaisthereinsidemymind]

i cant help feeling bad. ya. not gd that its getting worse right. lol. d asked me what my christmas wish was. haha. world peace boy. world peace. corny sounding eh.

shuz prob not going to be at ny next yr. ='( how can they not give her any review/probation at all? life's not going to be the same? ny aint gonna be the same w/o shu. =( BAH. =( shit. why did it end up like that?

i like this song. blink 182 - phantom of the opera. funnily enough, i dont rem d/ling it at all. hrm. and garbage - when i grow up (i'll be stable). oh btw, im starting to get freakeD by whats his name? long? darnoe. zhonglong yarh. hrm. werd. nvm. bleahbleahbleahbleahbleah. ok finished. bye.

set adrift on 09:46 p.m. Monday, December 16, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz: band member]


what band member are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

set adrift on 12:08 a.m. Monday, December 16, 2002 . gbook .

[is werd]

u know what? alvyn ur call was like o.O yarh. really :O and thank you for that? jy too. and yinkae and hQ. and ell. and d i guess. and sorry hs. cOs i jus couldnt give a shit about caring anymore and u got the brunt of it. sorry for being mean but i dont know how else to say it. and i cant hint anymore cos u dont eva seem to get it? and im tired and im really tired of trying not to not say it. nevermind. im confused. and no i wasnt upset jus cos of concert la. sigh. nvm. its over. im fine now? i think. =) should be la. 2 days is enough u know? for me to get over it. yarh? shitty. violin conference werd damn exP thing is tmr for the whole week. there goes my week. pluS freak i havent done my homework noR my studying. nor christmas shopping or everything. sigh. i feel as if the hols just started u know? guess macs took up all my time yarh. and im sad now. the people there are like siansian now? very werd. dunno wads happening. sigh. nvm. werd is werd is w e i r d. is sad cos everything came at one go. exploding in ur face aint v. nice a sight. yarh. but thanks jy. anyhow. hQ rocks can? hez damn nice lorh. i feel bad. ah well. nvm. us is us them is them us them different. sad eh. sad. i have 6 more minutes. oh joy. bleah. good night.

set adrift on 11:53 p.m. Sunday, December 15, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz: dysfunctional care bear]

its bad aint it? the way i dont think so much into it anymore. of it being bad. and i kinda dont care and feel lesser guilt each time? hrm. nevermind.

silly test.


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

bleah. julian is nice ella. but u should learn to say no to u know? not his only feelings now. how bout later eh. when ure gone. eh? doesnt that count for more?

how werd. dysfunctional care bear.

set adrift on 11:31 p.m. Sunday, December 15, 2002 . gbook .

[hide]

you know what? it doesnt matter. i dont care if it works or not. but im gonna try anyway. you all dont matter. i dont want you to matter. cOz i only get depressed cos of everything you related. cos everyone only cares about themselves. people in our world do that. people in their world are different. im so jealous. i wanna live like that and be like that. but i know i cant. we're all selfish. we only care about ourselves. right? right. okay. case closed. no more. not tonight. not now at least. later, maybe.

set adrift on 12:26 a.m. Sunday, December 15, 2002 . gbook .

[-]

i guess maybe you all dont know how much it meant for me for you all to be there eh. so you left. reasons or not. its so damn shitty can? im hurt. very. i dont know why im hurt. but if you all din want to come, could you have just told me instead of leaving halfway. the concert is like shit. i know. you dont have to show it right? i think i should move the site. i feel damn bad if i break out here and you all read it. but shit. whats wrong. im breaking down. how. how, fucking hell. im supposed to be stable. when i grow up i'll be stable.

why did u all have to make things so difficult. so complicated. why cant u all just be simple. fullstop. why cant we just be friends? brothers sisters friends. all friends. simple friends? why cant u accept it that i dont want any relationship with anyone whatsoever. why did u have to spoil my last memories of it. to make things seem so sour now? to make us dread. everything.

hQ's damn nice can. i feel bad for making him worry. dont know if he does care or not. but i feel bad anyhow. for breaking down on him. how.

im losing. im losing my battle. how the hell do i help myself?

set adrift on 12:18 a.m. Sunday, December 15, 2002 . gbook .

[broken]

hi im back. =) was too tired last night to come online. i got home at 1? i think. i cant remember anymore. its stressful. concert's over. it was an-ok only. though like everyone thought it was good/ok. i think we sucked. as in totally. well my section at least. sigh. we were too tired to play properly. too hyped up before the rehersal, spent all our energy during rehersal and totally died during the real thing. shitty? shitty.

stressed. really. sad ell din come yez. but someone was more disappointed than me i think? yarh. ell are u free on christmas eve, oh shit ure overseas. blah. and sad. marian khin liz left during interval. like...? like. i dont know. i dont care anymore. i dont want to care anymore. the more i think about it. the more it'll affect me right? overall, everything was disappointing. like shit. i feel like shit. i just wanna run away and everything will disappear and i'll neva have to think about anything again. it doesnt make any difference does it. does anybody care. the people who dont matter do. but the people who matter dont. so? nevermind. nothing matters anyway.

just brush it all aside. run away. run away. run far far away. fly away from everything. from this. from everything. stop telling me wadeva. all of you. i dont care. i wont allow myself to care. i cant try to psycho myself. not again? not ever? i dont want to. dont force me? i know ure not like doing that. but i dont eva see you in that way. and i dont know what to do and i dont know what to say. and so why do you keep saying the same thing over and over again? dont tell me whatever. dont tell me. i dont want to know. i cant give you any answer that you want. im too selfish. im not willing to try. not you not you not you. none of you. its just me. but it doesnt make a difference if its me or you. i cant see you in that way. im sorry. yarh i am. but it doesnt change things. i still cant give you the answer you want. im tired. i dont know how to make you stop. help. and i dont know how to tell anyone.

why me. just go away wont you. all of you. youll only hurt me and i cant allow that. cos its a lose lose situation. im not going to force myself. to delude myself? cOz it wont work. and it cant work that way. run away. run away from it all. hoobastank - running away
robbie williams & nicole kidman - something stupid
chantal krevizuk - leaving on a jet plane

ell i wanna see you. are u workinG tomorrow? ure leaving on the 17th arent u. help me ell. i dont know what to do. or anyone. cOz its breaking and the walls are crumbling. and the past is back again. and i dont know what to do. and i dont know what to say. and i dont know what to think. and i cant sleep. and it keeps coming back again.

maybe it aint that big. but its breaking. and everything falls together. and im tired. i dont dare to go back later. i dont dare to see anyone. i dont know what to say.

set adrift on 01:15 p.m. Saturday, December 14, 2002 . gbook .

[songlyrics]

roche dear? if you read this, happy birthday! if you dont, nvm la. = im a lousy tudi... =(

All my bags are packed. I'm ready to go.
I'm standing here outside your door,
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.
But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn.
The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn,
Already I'm so lonesome I could cry.

So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you'll wait for me,
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again -
Oh Babe, I hate to go.

There's been so many times I've let you down,
and so many times I've played around,
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing.
Every place I go, I'll think of you,
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you,
When I come back, I'll bring (wear) your wedding ring.

So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you'll wait for me,
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again -
Oh Babe, I hate to go.

Now the time has come to leave you,
One more time let me kiss you,
Then close your eyes, and I'll be on my way.
Dream about the days to come.
When I won't have to leave alone,
About the times I won't have to say ...

Kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you'll wait for me,
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again -
Oh Babe, I hate to go.


chantal kreviazuk - leaving on a jet plane

Cos i love this song and its been running through my mind since foreva? =| hrm. yup. i like it alot.

set adrift on 11:20 p.m. Monday, December 9, 2002 . gbook .

[dontknow]

u know what? im actually happy that im going for camp tomorrow? so that ill leave this shitty place. where the atmosphere is like the weather outside? totally unpredictable. mainly rainstorms etc. though camp aint that great la, i helped organised, i know its like sigh. and cant participate in half of all the games? but i dunno? i dont wanna get scolded upside down day and night. its tiring you know? and one rebuke == thousands scoldings and never ending naggings. fun? not my idea of fun.

i dont know. spent the whole day doing band stuff. im scared for the concert. i know ive said this half a million times but im still scared? cos i cant play a few songs well yet? and i dont want it to sound shitty? i dont wanna have to go home putting the garbage bag over my head? i wanna be proud of my concert. of my band. =) sigh. nevermind. ah well. nevermind. oh crap. i forgot my charger. sigh. nvm. gdnight. i gotta wake up at 6 tomorrow.

oh guess what. i was pmsing indeed. bleah.

set adrift on 11:04 p.m. Monday, December 9, 2002 . gbook .

[shit.]

suddenly hit me so damn hit. this hol. ya. we've drifted ya know. u know the other day. saw liz and marian. ya yez. and when i saw liz. its almost as if we were friends strangers but strangers yet friends. u know what i mean? and i was sad. i was sad. as if we were unfamiliar. thats why i really wanted to go eat with marian. i dunno why. juz felt like i wanted to. and catch up ya kno? before its too late. and i'll cry. shit. fucking hell. what's wrong with me today? and khin. where are u khin. really. you and liz kinda disappeared far far away together. khin i miss ya. and all those sundays. ya. rem those sundays? rem cher and strong enough and the ccK cemetery. and ur tofU. and that blardy guy. whatever. and everything? and the ghost? haha. ya. and indian shows? khin since u know. dun wallow in self pity. show respect for yourself. u know u arent that bad. nobody thinks ur that bad. ur your own worst criticiser. not sure if therez such a word. but khin. i really miss ya. and marian. worK i guess? and liz drifted off to i dunnowhere. =(

i swear theres something wrong with me. i must be pmsing. argh.

set adrift on 01:11 a.m. Monday, December 9, 2002 . gbook .

[itsover]

i just got home. managed to persuade my dad to let me come online. lol. but iz tru wad. i need to kno the meeting place time for tmr band. hai. no la. im not going to cry. stupid hanqIang. si hanqiang. nevermind. uhm. dunno lorh. i like maybelyn a lot can? ALOTTTTTTTTTtt. she damn nice. and ameer. :( the rest ar. ok la. nice is nice is nice. but i cant go and give them a huG or wad. they'll think im werd. esP ameer. :'( he damn nice to me can. make me feel guilty for the sundae time. hai. nevermind. over liao. and nizAm. neva see him liao. luckily still have concert. :) and next time when i go back to return the last set of uniform. yurP. but things will be diff la. cant expect they'll let me stay late. when all the customers should be gone. sigh. SIGH. and they might disappear too. yarh. to other places. to quiting. to i dunno. nevermind. oh ya. i work at taka. :P and i saw emmett today. LOL. he was with this whole bunch of girls. OMG. ah ma buaya. LOL. hiak. fun la. i work there one month i only see emmett one senior and teacher and i served none. lol. shrug. over liao loh. feel damn free now. hiaK. and they cheat me of my pay for the 1st half of the month. LOL. nevermind. no more free food anymore. sad siaz. no more sundae. haha. i got addicted to hot fudge sundae while i was there. bleahhh. was there. bleah. bleah. nevermind. juz get over it wont u sam? shrug. the faster the better. but working at macs, it wasnt so much abt the pay or the work. its about the fun there. the play & the people. cos the people there roCk k. taka maCs crew roCks! damn fun. and working there. i guess. i kinda experience only slightly the difference in the world people live in? and understand how i would neva be able to fit into their world. cos like ella said, its not a choice that we have control over. its about how much we think. our minds. the way we live our lives. and yes the lang. omG. not ell but me la. my chi sux man. haha. sounds damn werd too. its about learning aBt people. and that whats makes it unforgettable. yarh?

anyhow. thought i'd betta come online tonight. well this morning, in case i wont have a chance to later in the day. tomorrow going for camp liaO. crazee. have to work up damn early. until friday. then iz concert. those people who want tix i'll sms u on tues yarh. asap la. then if have tix, i put at the front desk u collect from there. either that or u try to come earlier to get the tix from me can? :) thankyou! flowers not compulsary la. but would be nice of u if u did. grin. im not that bad. shrug. come for the music. come and enjoy the music. dont fall asleep. thats all i ask. dun make stupid comments. enjoy the concert. listen to the music. its the music that matters. not the people. right? =) scared. hai.

hope it wont flop la. flop i go home cover my face with garbage baG. bleah. = oh and the rgssgeP play yez, and i hate you too. quite nice. =) really. fitted to be shown in the dbs art centre. definitely. yurp. k. enough crap. see ya~

chantal kreviazuk (sp?) - leaving on a jet plane

set adrift on 12:10 a.m. Monday, December 9, 2002 . gbook .

[stoned]

stupid guy. wanna play me huh. bleah. nevermind. im in a good mood today. cant hurt that much cos i dun like you? =) yurP. smiley face. i dun want to get angry. cos its nothing to explode about. since the intent aint that malicious or wadeVa. since i dont like u. since i still want u as a friend. oh and sharon's nice. sharon rocks. really she does. =D she said "im not men". do u really have that bad an opinion of men? is what i think tru? really? can u tell me? i guess you cant. a bit werd yarh. but hrm. bad. im starting to see u differently. oh well. nevermind. i dun have anything against anything? like that.

and ya. i guess. in some sense u are leading him on. note that i am the sugar coater. even if i wanna say it bad, it'll still be more sweeter than i intended. cos i dun like to say such stuff anyhow. if not i would have said it longlong agO? so im sorry for him. only for that. cOs i know you but i dunno him. cos i dunno how it'll affect him. and i kno u wont care. cos its self protection. either u or him. and self protection iz for self only. it wont hurt u much. u'll survive girl. u will. but juz sorry for him. cos somehow though he IS older he's still younger. still smaller. so more in some sense, little boy dunno anything. dunno gonna get eaten up eaten up also dunno. bleah. no sense. nevermind.

hanqianG i wanna whacK u. nevermind. =\ nevermind. its the last day kinda anyhow. second laZ but feels last. cOs on sunday people wont be there. the people who matter morE? in some sense. hello? ni si xing lai de ma. zuo le ji tian. dui bu qi. wo yi jing zuo le yi ge yue. bai tuo. bleah. nevermind. at least sharon wont. lol. she aint men. =) muahaha. nevermind. cant believe my inbox is full. its almost 1. im shit. i need to be in sch at 7 tmr. they're CRAZY. i want my sleep. damnit. i hope i din get the time wrongly. else i'll really kill myself for stealing my own sleeping time. my dads making noise again.

2 more days. only two more days. macs aint macs anymore. dont think im eva gonna eat macs again? prOb bu she de hua qian on macs when i can get it free now. ha. and get the food myself too. and cook it mySelf? and the ice cream! lol. im a piG. nevermind. it doesnt matter. haIz. i dun like fiona. zhenyang's survivabLe. i did counter beside him today. loL. dun give me that chou liaN. i dun care. dun look aZif ure gonna whack me cos i did wadevA. sO? big deal. whack la. kill me. i wont mind. i die i wont think anymore. it's ur business after that. u dun care i also dun care. no feelings~ =)

im disgusted with mysElf. for even thinking. hA. girl. u gotta grow up. u know some things now. but ure still quite ignorant u know? the way the world iZ. liars. dun believe them yarh. 2 faCed biatches. someone said once. i rem. yar. 2 faCed. u dunno whats there is there. its a chameleOn. spelling? nevermind. btw daniel? i din dao u. i din know u even said hi. sorry. too distracted by stupid telnet which i dun geT. i cant understand the numbers thing. it bloOdy hell doesnt woRk? nevermind. im disgusted at myseLf for thinking. brain needs a rest. no feelings~

set adrift on 12:50 a.m. Saturday, December 7, 2002 . gbook .

[distracted]

i must be pmsing. kidding. hai. deeeee dum. i forgot i had & i hate you so tix for sat. shit. i have a wedding dinner on saturday. i wanna work on saturday. :'( sad. ya elle. knO what u mean. u kno i always say i wanna go bpghs right. ya. :) thats why p6 yr i din know whether getting gd results was gd. as in not say u dont need like damn low to get in there. u still need 246 plus. but. is different. and thats why i still like that school yarh. more than any other? LOL. funny la. just them people. shit. im being v. segregationalistic? lol. no such word i think. nevermind. prig yarh.

julian ok? dunno. feels werd. wanna go work on saturday. im crazee. i wanna work after that. oh yah. i dun like that guy. i seriously detest him. its not getting any better? he's gay. shit. worse than that i think. juliAaaaaaaaaaan~ singsongvoice. bah. nevermind. dont mind me. shit. i dont think he reads this does he? who cares. i feel mean. forgot wadeva else i wanted to say. nevermind. go help hx with comments first. distracted.

set adrift on 11:09 p.m. Thursday, December 5, 2002 . gbook .

[never]

im scared i'll cry after that. im scared i'll cry for that. cant let it affect. not supposed to. but i wont cry in front of you. never.

set adrift on 12:52 a.m. Thursday, December 5, 2002 . gbook .

[here]

i guess perfect sentence was a wrong decision yarh. it never felt me. i never felt right. i dont im glad. i changed baCk. it feels more at home now. i miss shu. i miss khin liz shu marian. :( shu. bowling. marian. flower. khin. ccK. lizziepoo. oCtopus. hai. rina. sheeeeeeeeeeeeep. baaaaaa~ rina... shes too far away. cant see her again. cant go back to laz time. feel sorry for all the few times i blew up and was unreasonable. for the phone calls that seem so werd now. for memories. of laz time. for all of them. for nanxiao. yarh for nanxiao. ny now is different. class neva feels like a class anymore not since sec1. wasnt like that las time. no matter how we changed. even p6 neva got that bad. there was still somethinG? something to rem about. not this year. its only half a class. only h a l f. too divided.

and ure all by yourself. youre always by yourself. its just you and you alone. cos thats the way it is. u came here alone. u leave alone. no one wud go with you. everyone goes alone. btw u cant judge. u can see u can look but u cant judge. u dont have any right. by judging ure wrong. cOs pple judge u too. im judging u. and so on. just stop it. alone right? familiar. too. too close. everythings a deception. everything goes away. youre alone. single.
a lon e.

set adrift on 12:43 a.m. Thursday, December 5, 2002 . gbook .

[detached]

suddenly feels detached. again? funny feeling. kinda miss that feeling? its been coming back recently. slowly. in lil bouTs and moments. those swings. funny. ya, funny. pendulem aint that steady now yarh? hrm. werd. maybe pms la. suddenly feels alone. just single person. looking that this huge world earth planet infront of me. i can almost visualise it already. its big. its speechless. its too huGe already. detached. hrm. d e t a c h e d. dunno. oh. and sometimes i feel az if im a paRt of it. but i know im not. cos im not. =) like duh. its tricky. sometimes u fall into its deception. its weB of lies yarh. sometimes. then u realise it. juSt before. just in time. hopefully? and sam? stop it. STOP it. i dont know. maybe im wrong. but just stop it. it feels as if u want everyone to know sth yet maybe u dun mean it. but whatever it seems whether u care oR not. whatever ur reasons are. spare a thought for someone else yarh. sigh. det ac hed.

set adrift on 12:37 a.m. Thursday, December 5, 2002 . gbook .

[hm.]

and then sometimes, i still feel guilt. but not that much anymore. right or wrong. cos i dont feel anything anymore. to me, its just so? big deal. to me it's no feeling anymore. good bad? i dunno.

youre horrible. theres nothing to describe you. i cant put a word to it. friend or not. it still doesnt excuse your actions. youre selfish. you only care about yourself. you dont wanna get mixed up in anything anymore. but the faCt you go around saying about everything. announcing it somehow feels like that. it says something about you. i wish i didnt know who she was. cOs i feel guilt. cos i do like her as a person. cOs its so sad the way youre doing everything. to show ure in control. my foot. cos she likes you so? dont make use of it. if you do, you'll get what u deserve someday and i dont think you'll like it okay.

oh gosh. that show's a soap opera. actually i quite like it. as a show la. buts its so draggy. ok fine. i like the girl. full stop. hiaK. nevermind.

ell btw? sorry for the tomatOo mess yarh. and i wish i could tell julian im not angry at all. i angry for what. hello? no reason for me to be angry siaz. haish. im sorry. feel bad. he took the cAp back for el. =( and yurp, cos i kinda like him as a person yarh. i dont think he deserves any playinG? not by you eSp. cOs it would hurt. i dont know why. playing or not. it cant hurt zilch can it? or can it not. hrm. hai. nevermind. people are people are people still people no matter what still people.

farnie now i become sister samsim yarh. werd. nevermind. i dont like horn. =( why horn. why so werd. why u all always like that. why does it have to have something to dO with races or sth. why. religion? races? dunoo. why.

ya i guess life IS beautiful. without the people in it? or with the people in it. so funny. contradicting myself. sorry. life is beautiful innocently by itself. but we dirty it. we pollute it. not all of us. i guess. but humans nature?

daniel makes sense about the satanism thing. i dont know. im confused. i need to be clearer about it all. sounds werd. sounds very werd. something seems blurry somewhere. yar. theres nothing perfect u know. always some hole. some hole somewhere. if u read this yarh. no offense. just for myself. im selfish. im for myself. its for my own good.

todays werd. something werd. very werd. oh shit i forgot about the choc. oh dear. thank you btw. =) was funny. but nice of u. sigh. 3 more days? 3 more days. actually. one more day. just one last one. cOs he made the most impression on me. cos he taught me. i dunno la. nevermind. sometimes i wanna be braindead. sometimes i wish my moods din change so fast. sometimes i dont wanna think so much. sigh. i guess life is beautiful. just life itself. innocently. observers pT? dunno. not making sense. i like that smell. :) gdnight.

set adrift on 12:18 a.m. Thursday, December 5, 2002 . gbook .

[fa xie]

she didnt tell me at all. she said she would. its the same thing. she always say i told you wad. i did. i called you many times. YA RIGHT. you didnt. you couldnt be bothered to. you couldnt be bothered to make it clear. to clarify. to notify. forget it. its always like that. you're always like that. im not important anyway. its nothing important anyway. it wont matter. go away. you dont matter then. you dont matter at all. i wont let you matter. this matter being trivial or not. it means something. nevermind. youre always like that.

set adrift on 12:57 a.m. Wednesday, December 4, 2002 . gbook .

[itsawerdfeeling]

i understand what youre talking about. you make sense. alot of sense in fact. but in the end, i dont understand the point behind it. to tell me, as in for info's sake. or? i guess former la. =) knowledge is good on the whole, i guess? actually not really. but ah well. nevermind.

oh ya, play is playplay. but make sure he knows its playplay yarh. u might think he does and all that, but where xin is concerned, dont go too far, dont play too much it starts becoming more than play. for him. u know it all, he might not? he is like a little boy. doesnt quite fit the age actually. but yurp, just dont go too far. it might just might hurt him more than you think it would yarh? ok.

today slightly happier. brought my bro out to watch harry potter. actually feels quite werd to be bringing my own bro out to orchard to watch movie. farnie feeling la. then my seniors saw me that. and them being crazy like they are, lol. my bro got a taste of it yarh. he told me, next time i take lunch with you, i sit another table okay. =) lolx. hrm. they are just them just people. i have 6 more days left. kinda. sigh. SIGH. after that, it'll be almost like one whole blank slade in my life? one huge empty space. one part gone. i'd prob start feeling too free if i dont have camp dont have convention. dont have school starting. dont have homework. this hols i have no time to feel bored. no time to sian around. sheeeeeeeeesh. it feels different. a hell lot different. i cant say i dont like it. but i guess i miss having time to wander about. to ask people to go out. to go bowling with shu. to watch movie. to window shop like siao foreva for christmas. to have time to sian in front of the com. to just have that bored feeling la. im busy everyday. almost. no time to get depressed either. which is good. no time to think so much. =) haiz. almost 1am liao. got band at 230 tomorrow. rushrushrush. =) i muz rem to write my section bookkkkkkkkk. haix. i want a chalet i cant get. i cant go. damn shitted. i want a feel of a holiday. i want to go overseas. i desperately want to sit on a plane and get that kinda feeling again. i miss that feeling. i miss going to the airport. i miss staying in a hotel. i miss that kinda life i know i'll neva get back. never ever. those memories are too old, too far back already. feel distant from this com suddenly. doesnt feel like a screen a mere screen feels werd. funny. okay. nevermind. enough ranting. good night~

set adrift on 12:48 a.m. Tuesday, December 3, 2002 . gbook .

[garbage]

i suddenly liKe garbage alot. =) garbage - special. was juz listening to it. shrugs. i thought you were special~ dotdotdot i couldn't care less~ sigh. mood swings are bad for you knO? very bad. but sam's okay. = << juz like that. sam just needs sleep. needs to get back to reality for awhile and realise that thinGs arent what they seem. and thAt nothing is fun yarh? :) gd night.

set adrift on 12:37 a.m. Monday, December 2, 2002 . gbook .

[wadeva]

farnie. actually quite dead then come home shower liaOx got energy again. hrm. nevermind. i wanna sleep in tomorrow. tired. = DANIEL!!! hoI tell me if u knO nort can. idiOt. humph. elAaaaaa. i dun care. i choP u on the 9th deC k. suddenly i dun feel so enthu liaOx. i feel liKe so extrA. ah well. i like my trumpet liddat. make aLot of noise onli la. =) quite bAd. haix. nevermind. but ish really suddenly not enthu anymore. cOs i guess i goRt over it yarh. and well. feels aziF someone suddenly shone a diFf light on everything. and everything looks diff. dropped baCk to earth and hit my bum hard~ haix. depressing. dont wanna talk about it or think about it. i want to sleep and forget EVERYTHING. everything. thank you. i dun giVe a shit anymore. =) that's better. that's more normal yaRh. wadeVa. i wanna gEt outta this hellhole. fast. err. dun mind me. im not maKing sense yaRh. neva said i was. im not even trying to. i dun care. wadeva~

set adrift on 12:07 a.m. Monday, December 2, 2002 . gbook .

[quiz : gummi bear]


What Kind Of Gummi Bear Are You ?
brought to you by Quizilla

WhaT? LOL. nevermind. its december. hiaK

set adrift on 11:56 p.m. Sunday, December 1, 2002 . gbook .

[forwarded]

from a forward email:

Does your name begin with: S?

For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and is capable of much sensuality. But you never loose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue. You like being the center of attention. You are very caring, sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. Turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along and usually that special one will be someone you least expected. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind nature & sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You tend to get a lot of attention from the opposite sex. You are a good friend and your friendship is treasured by many.

some parts seem tru la. lolx. things like this, some are so general and common that they become true yarh? haha.

set adrift on 10:33 p.m. Friday, November 29, 2002 . gbook .

[>:O]

fucking shit. my entry disappeared. i am pissed. bah. i hate pitas for gdness saKe. ARGH. >:O

everybody should listen to toni braxton - another sad love song, anD cher - strong enough and hoku - perfect day. BAH. i hate HATE PITAS. nevermind. i dont like blogger either.

set adrift on 09:08 p.m. Friday, November 29, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Clothes]

Which Brand Of Clothing Do You Look Best In?

Brought to you by Faytrial

got this at first then this:

Which Brand Of Clothing Do You Look Best In?

Brought to you by Faytrial

shrugs. i have nothing to say. anything goes. comfotable goes. =)

set adrift on 08:47 p.m. Friday, November 29, 2002 . gbook .

[thankyou]

http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/columnists/0,4133,Columnists,00.html? lolx. cos i surfed around saw it and i liked what i saw. =) thank you jon. =P for being who you are. haha. he says i have mild bipolar. shrugs. ah well.

set adrift on 12:36 a.m. Friday, November 29, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: What swear word are you?]


What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

set adrift on 11:40 p.m. Thursday, November 28, 2002 . gbook .

[binge]

tommy page - a shoulder to cry on rocks. yarh. i'll always love that song. though no one's there & no one will ever be, but its the song that touches you yarh. :) hrm. song ended liaox. haiz. okay. before i forget again, plugging 4 people: azlyn, congrats on your moving & getting a host yarh dear girl? :) ; alvyn, cos his new layout rocks & they always do and i can never do something like that. i like simplicity after all those flashy stuff. simple is nicer. ; denise , cos i love her new layout the moment i saw it. its the feeling i get yarh? =) ; & finally nat her layout is pretty, havent talked to her forever, hope shes doing fine. :) and she got a domain!

okay that's done. :) ive been a pig today. non stop eating siaz. had late lunch and a sundae at macs, some werd horrible thing from hans i regret buying, soup from holland v which kinda sucked, maybe im too full but it previously tasted nicer from memory, ice creaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmm =) haha. ok. too much ice cream makes you high. ice cream & choc is happy food yarh. i eat alotalotalotalot especially when im depressed grin. k la, not depressed now? i think. shrugs. im fine. normal. stable =) i forgot lizzie's blog url. lost in my old com. sad =( some cheem cheem word thats why i cant rem. bleah. hrm. i need a new layout. been saying and saying forevA. the idea's stuck in my brain, i have no graphics prog currently. so well. gotta stay there. i think it'll be... another dedication layout. i'll have 2 till the end of the year la. =) one is very very very overdue. shrugs. ah well. nevermind. and i owe my kor one layout. lol. sorry. hrm, wonder if the blue banana reads my bloG, dont think so, but dont think i can make it for his party thingaE even tho he asked me longlongtimeagO? I forgot to qing jia from work. = & my parents are niao about staying over. shrugs. one more week to end of worK ya know. sigh. 4 more practices to concert im scared. end of holiday soon. chi exam today a bit warped. i write too much for zuowen, then realise i maybe go outta point. so shitted. then no more mood for write gong han, so anyhow chuck something. hope can get basic points, didnt even check for wrong words. ARGH! oh well. its over. tomorrow's friday. bleah. & i cant even go for marian that sentosa thingae cos of band camp. sad. nor the blogger thing Cos of cCa which i duh cant miss right? if concert is one week away? ARGH. oh whatever. blarh. like i can control it anyhow. dad nagging for me to go off. his turn. bleah. bye. tina arena rocKs. =)

oh i almost forgot. my bro passed his psle. muahahha. he got the same as me & my cousin. 3 As 1 A* LOL. Just 20 marks lesser. LAlalala~ Okay, I'm not happy, he should have gotten higher damnit. Bah. Fine, he didn't really study, his marks are quite good already. Quite surprising yarh? he was like slacking on the com everyday? game boy dunnowad shit shooting game? bleah. piG. and i still mantain thAt if i was a guy in p6, i would have wanted to go to tchs LOL. shrugs. cOs i darnoe? okay maybe i'll have 2nd thoughts now. the exemption from final years are tempting ya know? shrugs. fine maybe noRt. i still like bpGhs. hehe. i dun like rG dun like nY i like bPghs. :D grin. now, dont come and slam me aR.

set adrift on 10:45 p.m. Thursday, November 28, 2002 . gbook .

[sigh]

emil chau songs roX. haha. they kinda sound quite the same after awhile. but i still like them. sigh. rem what ell said. cOs i finally managed to get into the webby. i dunno? quite sad. people like that. do you all believe girls and guys can be friends yarh? i do. but there'll be people who dont. someone of the opp sex is either gf/bf, would be gf/bf or a total stranger. so that would classify me as total stranger. and it is sad? i dont know. disturbing, kinda. always come back to the samE thing after some time. the same square one. continues to nag at me. just werd to let someone walk in and outta your life or some part of it like that. nvm. that's past. right? should think only of chinese today. oh ya, too much ice cream is bad for you. =) hrm, bro nagging at me to get off the com. shrugs.

set adrift on 03:52 p.m. Wednesday, November 27, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Female steorotype of FF]


What female stereotype of Final Fantasy(ps) are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ouch... you're so cruel. You're hauling ass and taking names. Some tragic event that happened in your past has made you insanely bitter and dark. You poke fun at everything and everyone. You're close to selective few. Maybe you should try and mend past mistakes and move on with your life? It'd make everyone's trip a lot easier...

set adrift on 03:26 p.m. Wednesday, November 27, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Common Gothic Steoreo-type]


What Common Gothic Stereo-type Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

harh? nevermind. the others dont fit either?

set adrift on 10:52 a.m. Wednesday, November 27, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Breed of hamster]


What Breed of Hamster Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

set adrift on 11:10 p.m. Tuesday, November 26, 2002 . gbook .

[queasy]

violin exam tomorrow. feel quite queasy. my violin playing sux as a matter of fact. it does. thats why i dont feel confident not in the least? = yurp. sigh. and i forgot how to play my damned arpeggios? howeva u spell it la. haiz. next day's chinese exam. so shitted. i hope they come out noncontentbased, meaning zuowen/yingyongwen. cos its betta for me. cOs if its non content, if i fail, i wont feel so guilty for not studying my life out? yup. sigh. but if ish content, and i study then like damn wasted too. SIGH. i realised i could have gone to work today in the morning. bleah. hrm. nevermind. concert's coming up. im getting scared? cant play well. cant pitch high enough. argh. and we're gonna be right at the TOP of it all. bleah. =( how to last 2 hours siaz. will die. my mouth will die. argh. i'll be glad when its all over. this week at least. and time passes so damn fast. yarh it does. its almost end of november now. i havent touched my holiday homework,studyingyadayada. havent even bought my books. im having second thoughts about elect geog now? i dont know. i want lit too. but i cant do lit. and if i do lit i want shakespeare, thats what i liKe about lit, shakespeare. =| sigh. oh whatever. gotta chiong one zuowen now, and figure out my violin if not im gonna be so screwed tomorrow. blarh. they build you up so they can tear you down...

set adrift on 10:48 p.m. Tuesday, November 26, 2002 . gbook .

[songlyrics]

Mel C (Melanie Chisholm) - Northern Star

They tried to catch a falling star
Thinking that she had gone too far
She did but kept it hidden well
Until she cracked and then she fell

If all the history is true
She's gonna end up just like you
You made it to the other side
But tell me who will be my guide?

Bridge:
They build you up so they can tear you down
Trust the ocean you'll never drown
Who is next
Who's gonna steal your crown
You'll see

Chorus:
I have learned my lesson well
The truth is out there I can tell
Don't look back and don't give into their lies
And goodbyes
Northern Star

Fulfill the longing in your heart
Then we will never be apart
And if they dare to question you
Just tell them that our love is true

Bridge:
They buy your dreams
So they can sell your soul
Is it any wonder
We've lost control

Feelings come
Feelings go

I have learned my lesson well
The truth is out there I can tell
Don't go back and don't succumb to their lies
And goodbyes

Live your life without regret Don't be someone who they forget When you're lost reach out for me
And you'll see
She's not far

Northern Star
Northern Star


Not the whole thing's here? Grin. I don't know. Just saw it yah. Is nice. I still like MLTR - 25 Minutes. :) wise men say only fools rush in... grins. song. jy likes it. grin. ish nice too. =) Haiz. All the nice songs. Okay. Need to go offline. Not outta choice, but shrugs. Good night. It's the 26th. Happy birthday sarah, if you do read this which I do doubt though. But it's okay. =) Happy birthday girl.

set adrift on 12:17 a.m. Tuesday, November 26, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: What's your personality]


What's Your Personality?Find out!

Uh Okay? It's the mood man. =\ I have nothing to say.

set adrift on 11:53 p.m. Monday, November 25, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: What kind of evil are you]

LOL. I'm nice k... =P

set adrift on 11:49 p.m. Monday, November 25, 2002 . gbook .

[nostalgia? wrong i think.]

im sad you know? really sad. not crying weeping hysterical sad but ya, sad. i'll cry you know? more so for leaving them leaving everything that i just knew then for leaving my school, my class or something. maybe cOs those are more expected. whereas this ... is different? kinda. ell tells me to get used to it. maybe its cos all of them are so nice. fun. yet you know, its working. and these people. i dont know? i'll miss them. i know i will.

these days, everything is just so. tiring? life is tiring. aint it the same thing? people ask me, how are you etcetc. i tell them im tired. its always the same old thing. grins. i am tired. thats a fact aint it. i am 14 i feel 60, 70, 80, i feel az if im dying inside. as each day passes. just feel old and worn. mental age biG difference/gap yah? =) sigh.

i'll miss him. though he cant really talk. his niceness. and everything single thing? =) the look on his face. their smiles. their playing. his visor too. the look. her smile. she has a nice smile, she sold many pins siaz. =) mabelyn's grumbling about us. screaming for max, sharon ricky etc. asking for help with icecream, all that waste. haha. even clearing trays. having to smile the whole day. screaming for orders. rushing around. everything? even though the pay is peanuts. and its exploitation of child/slave labour. whatever they say. time & time again, people ask me why i'd wanna work at macs. if not for the people there, i'd proB hate my job now, hate going for work. trying to worm my way out of it all. everything. nostalgic la. i like the people there k. oh and now i think malays are more friendly than chinese? haha. ok la. racist statment. i takE that back. but people are people are people. and those people are nice. to them i'll jus be another person who walks in during the hols take up a job and leave. like all the others every year. but to me, its not walk in walk out. the whole macs & everything like ell said, it's neva going to be the same again. gotta get used to it la though. sigh. nothing i can do about it anyhow. i have... one more week left. im sad. shit. i am sad. sigh. amazing how things like this can affect you yah. amazing how people can have such an effect on you. sigh. ella dont make noise k. humph. i rant finish, after some time, u wont hear anymore yah. just bear with me. now. im sorry. i was enthu about joB from the start. it hasnt changed. jus that though i like the joB. i like my free time too. im greedy. i want both. shrugs. sigh. im going to shower. bye.

jy + sam says i sound werd. do i? im fine. really. tired. but fine. im just plain same ole sam yah. =)

set adrift on 11:02 p.m. Monday, November 25, 2002 . gbook .

[hurt]

its tomorrow now aint it? ya it is. sigh. hate this kinda feeling. wish i would never feel it. always hurts. maybe more than physical hurt. somehow have a feeling my back's getting worse. shoulder or something. i dont know. i wish he would stop being so unreasonable. i wish he would listen to me, at least. he just brushes everything away. they are always right arent they. tired. but i wont die. not yet anyway. suicides go to hell. i dont fancy hell. bye.

set adrift on 12:38 a.m. Sunday, November 24, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: What kind of person are you?]


What kind of person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

set adrift on 12:13 a.m. Sunday, November 24, 2002 . gbook .

[tired]

shitified.myentrydisappear.ohhecK.iduncare.lol.douallknowordoyouallnotknowsiaz.
bleahz.whatever.btwicantstandyouidontlikeyouandidontgiveashitbutimcantbethatbadcani?amiallowedto?sigh.ifeelbadbutidontknowhowtosayittoucoZijustwannabedirect.imtired?andnicepreettttttttttiiiiiieeeeeeflowers.=)soniceofhim.haha.quiteunexpectedla.cossolongagoliaOz.sawhisfriend.hehe.farnie.
cansuanhiminsteadsiaz.thoughtderekknew.freakky.man.tired.wadeva.
ihopethiscomesoutsiaz.sigh.wadeva.night.

set adrift on 11:49 p.m. Saturday, November 23, 2002 . gbook .

[appreciated.]

And D I appreciate it alot, that you bothered to email me. =) And ty, sms. Grins. All appreciated. Very.

set adrift on 12:43 a.m. Thursday, November 21, 2002 . gbook .

[Ramble]

LOL. Missed me? I sure miss my computer now that I'm back on it. Hehe. Everything's gone. Luckily I got that guy to back up my mp3s. Very important. :) Hehe. It helps to work you know? For all you bored people out there. HIAK. Cos you'll be so busy working, you have no more free time left, except your off days, and that's no off days for me, cos I go to school on those days. But is fun!!!!!! Those people are nice can? =) Did counter today. Very gan jiong. Very rushed. That 60secs thing is killing me. Haha. But is fun!!! =P K fine, I think I mentioned that like half a zillion times today. And I smiled so much, I think I can't smile anymore tonight. LOL. Lame k, nvm. Marian, cheer up yah? Really. Don't know what's happening, cos I kinda lost track of everything now. =) Got addicted to tv while the com was away. =P Started watching indian shows, cos they only have that on telly sometimes. Grins. They're not that bad you know? You get used to it after awhile. Lalalala~ Very busy. This hols is like zoom, gonna disappear that quickly. Have no free time to waste or feel bored. Got too many things. Exams' coming. Quite freaked. Concert's coming. =P Final advertising yah? LOL. 13 dec 730 nygh sch audi, $6. The songs are nice. Really. I promise you. At least in my opinion, going according to my taste yah. Oh and ger, yup, lene marlin - unforgivable sinner rocks. :) Okay. No more rambling for me, got alot to catch up. I didn't touch the computer for 6 days can? SIX days. :P A long time for me, cos I usually use the com like everyday? Hehe. Okay. Nevermind. It's good. No more addiction yah? =) Oh. What dreams may come is a nice show. =) Go watch the vcd yah? If you didn't catch it last night. Okay. Gotta work tomorrow. Cya. :P

set adrift on 12:01 a.m. Thursday, November 21, 2002 . gbook .

[thishadbettanotdisappear]

oMAN. my entry disappeared again. im starting to hate blogger like HELL lot? =( BAH. oh we sold out all our fundraising stuff. i couldnt make it. on the phone rushing there. buT err they kinda sold out before i could even reach there. bleah. = tired & sick. i was quite black face the whole day. sigh. i hope those people who ate macs today wont end up being sick? hate doing kitchen. blarh. yawn. theres band tomorrow. shall go for band and pass my germs to everyone. =) hehe. no lah. cos i feel so guilty about not going for alonglongtime even though im still sick but nvm.

oh yah. i rem my that entry was like you arent there when im depressed. whose you anyway. dont like this layout anymore. i mean. its fine. but i need a change. different feelings, this one's past. need a change. yah. those were the days my friend~ nostalgiC last night. very. rather depressed too. dont think derek seeS this. but thankyouderekanyhow. and jy too. =)

sigh. yah. i dont know. sux can? i get hell before i sleep and after i wake up. this morning. spoilt my entire day. im starting to hate my job. if it gives me so much problems? blardy hell. he should stop talking so much and LISTEN to me for once. im making sense. really i am. just that he wants to be right and shoot my face with his wadevas. WHATEVER. grr. nevermind. tomorrow's friday. :( i feel sick already. wait. rubbish. i am sick.

set adrift on 09:24 p.m. Thursday, November 14, 2002 . gbook .

[=(]

BTW. khin. i wanna smack your face and strangle you. why did u tell liz what i wanted to get her for christmas? Bah. =(

set adrift on 11:16 p.m. Wednesday, November 13, 2002 . gbook .

[songs]

you are my strength when i am weak.
you are the treasure that i seek.
you all my all in all.
when i fall down you pick me up
when i am dry you fill my cup
you all my all in all.

sigh. songs help, kinda? thats why i like worship/praise the most.

set adrift on 11:14 p.m. Wednesday, November 13, 2002 . gbook .

[layoutoverdue]

oh and sorry kor. when inspiration comes, when i have the time, i promise you i'll do it. i have an idea. but not the feelings to go with it.

set adrift on 11:11 p.m. Wednesday, November 13, 2002 . gbook .

[Good bye.]

Decided I didn't like my blog anymore. No more feelings. No nothing. Too formal, too perfect sentencey. He is such a biased arse and should get kicked in the butt HARD. Our choral performance chinese sux like hell. Heck, I don't even like it. But nevermind. It's just too boring and too blah. But nevermind. It'll all be over soon. I'm sorry. I don't feel like talking to any of you. Freak. I'm in 3/13 next year. It's going to be another boring ...abcdefgabcdefg year. Nevermind. = I won't die yah. Should find a doctor. I need one. It's raining in the room. Shit. I forgot there's holiday homework. Good bye.

set adrift on 02:55 p.m. Tuesday, November 12, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Writing style.]


What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

What? No no... wrong?

set adrift on 11:01 p.m. Sunday, November 10, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Ideal Disney Guy]


Who's Your Ideal Disney Guy?
brought to you by Quizilla

LOL. I'm not too sure about this. Haha. What are the others? LOL.

set adrift on 10:57 p.m. Sunday, November 10, 2002 . gbook .

[Name Analysis?]

Samantha:
Status is important to you and your ability to achieve success and earn money. You have a need to be noticed and seek status. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You are always involved with projects and things to do. You have a need to be up front. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. You have a need to be up front.

Sim:
You try to be prudent. You have good business acumen. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You need to learn when to let go.

Mei Ling:
You are always involved with projects and things to do. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You are a hard worker when you make up your mind to do a job.

LOL. It's from here.

set adrift on 05:31 p.m. Sunday, November 10, 2002 . gbook .

[hrm.]

oH. Hi ian. May I ask you how der hecK did you come here? o.O Bleah. =P Oh and if you want band concert tix, please tell me again, regardless of whether you told me before, confirmed okay? I'll try to get tix then. 'Cos I have to find tickets, I didn't go for band on sat, and they gave out the tickets then. So irritating. Blarh. Nevermind. = I got 2 from Rochelle and 3 from Wendy. =)

set adrift on 04:12 p.m. Sunday, November 10, 2002 . gbook .

[running]

I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
Why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
...What is it I've got to say...
So why are you running away?
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?

Hoobastank - Running Away

set adrift on 01:40 p.m. Sunday, November 10, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Wings]

set adrift on 01:35 p.m. Sunday, November 10, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Gravitation character]

You are an extremely talented person and you are also brilliant. You are mature, charming, straight-forward and you worry about your friends when they're in trouble. You give great advice and you're probably one of the best friends someone can ever have. Which Gravitation Character Are YOU? Take the quiz at Dare to Dream

There must be an error somewhere.

set adrift on 12:12 a.m. Sunday, November 10, 2002 . gbook .

[Plug!]

Plug! Khin's layout is nice. =) Not anything particularly difficult, but ish nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Outstanding! Muahaha. =) Bleahy. I missed My Best Friend's Wedding. So shitty. =( I wanted to watch it!!! =( Okay. Shall go for friday's choral night if I can. Supp this girl jumps into the audience and dies? LOL. I wanna watch my best friend's wedding. HUMPH. Blarh. Whatever. Shall go watch tv later... =) The girl's sweet. =)

set adrift on 11:33 p.m. Saturday, November 9, 2002 . gbook .

[Fun =)]

Shit. And now my mom tells me one cooking session == smoking 6 cigarettes? Oh man. That means I smoked don't know how many cigarettes today??????????? Ouch. LOL. Anyhow, quite fun. =) Learnt how to do the fries thingae. Grins. It's like burning hot, got scalded, but nevermind. Lalala~ All those fries I packed were so lousy, the auntie kept going "xiao de $1.60 leh. yao gei duo yi dian ma." Hehe. Then rush rush rush like siao, 'cos got alot of people. But fun lah. I don't wanna work tomorrow though. It's sunday. There'll be even more people, I'll die. = Hiak hiak. I asked the manager, forgot his name, oops, about elle. Then he called her, but she didn't get the jab yet, so don't know if she'll be stuck with lobby work again. Muahahaha. That means cleaning up and throwing trash. LOL. And they made fun of my name! LOL. Nevermind. Lalalala~ friendly nice people. Grins. Tired. Headache? Gotta practise violin and go shower, I stink. Good night. =D

set adrift on 10:26 p.m. Saturday, November 9, 2002 . gbook .

[>:O]

You said you'd rather pay me. Ya, can you afford it? It's different. It's not what you think it is. It's not as lightly as you take it? It's not always, you're not always right you know? Whatever. I don't want to ask you for money. I don't want to ask anything from you. I don't want to depend on you. Sure, this ain't much. This just peanuts. But so? Peanuts' still something. I don't want to depend on you. I want to return everything back to you. I don't want to ask you for anything. It's not for fun. I can think of so many other ways of having fun. It's not about fun. Whatever.

set adrift on 12:49 p.m. Saturday, November 9, 2002 . gbook .

[you]

I'm tired. Really am. It all kinda stemmed from you, didn't it? Well, it seems so. Before that, more innocent, more ignorant, knew less about everything, and yet, had more hopes and dreams about the future -- not that much of a cynic? Ya, everything started from then. Sad? Just reminds me of everything. That's reason why I hated you after that. Somehow easier to push everything to a person. Push the blame onto someone else. And then again, I think it was my fault. I shouldn't have known you. Maybe everything would be different today. Perhaps not happier, but maybe better in the end? Maybe? Perhaps not. Ya, that's how much an impact you made in my life, whether you want it or not, whether I like it or not. I would love to just run away from it all, you, and never come back again. Just pretend that I never knew you, and everything else associated with you. Wouldn't that make life, happier? Better? Then again, I don't know. Guess it doesn't really matter. Only reality matters, and reality ain't the way I want it now.

set adrift on 12:41 p.m. Saturday, November 9, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Kind of Drug Addict]

What kind of Drug Addict are you?

Basically, your favorite phrase is "Kiss my ass." You are cynical, negative, and annoyed. Nothing amuses you or holds your attention. You don't care for much of anything in the world, but wouldn't mind a couple extra hours of sleep. Sometimes you just don't know how to deal with all the extra, pointless crap that life throws at you. Hang in there, kiddo. ;)

set adrift on 10:43 p.m. Friday, November 8, 2002 . gbook .

[Grin]

LOL. Elle says join the club dearie. No, not me. =P I don't know what to say, and I'm not in any way, gonna be able to say anything right. Ya but whatever matters. Sweet Home Alabama, though slightly long draggy and predictable, is sweet! Ha. And rather nice? LOL. I like Jake. Muahaha. Okay. Nevermind. It's cute. =) The two small kids in the begining. Ah.. Wouldn't mind watching again, just for the front part. =) Eric Clapton - You were there. =) And Eva - Come, Sweet Death.

set adrift on 10:17 p.m. Friday, November 8, 2002 . gbook .

[No right.]

I would love to tell her, but just 'cos I feel like doesn't mean I have the right to say anything. Maybe I'm that bad too, but the someone else doesn't want to say it to my face. Maybe that's better? I don't know. It's just... undescribable. But that's of course, my own personal view. I have no right?

set adrift on 09:08 p.m. Friday, November 8, 2002 . gbook .

[Maybe.]

If you see me, or whoever you think is me when you're out on the roads, say hi k? Be nice. Don't xiangxiangxiang, then come home and ask me if it was me. Yah. Unless I'm working. = Then I'd rather not know you're there. =P I don't care if it's only an injection OR not, it hurts. Heck, it's muscle tension ache? Whatever? I don't know what you call it, but showering with one hand is not fun, just cos the stupid doctor jab it in on the tensed muscle or wadeva? Bleah. Quite 'can fei" you know? Bleah. And it's only a stupid minor injection which didn't really hurt. I hate after's. Hm. Outta 8 lightbulbs, all blew 'cept one. Always give this explosive sound, flinging the broken glass fragment into places unknown. Sigh. Sux. I need to find a polyclinic to go see the doctor. Cos I have no money to give to the expensive doctor who will charge 30-50 range. Sigh.

There's no more feeling you know? Really. Just... like that >> =| Just neutral. Just so normal. Just nothing. I hate to see myself reduced to this state. This state where it becomes neutral, nothing, no feeling, just empty nothingness. It's sick. Really. I don't know. Maybe it'll be good too yah. Maybe.

Oh. And I'm giving crap titles to all the entries, just cos I don't have any titles for them. So random word pick should do fine.

set adrift on 09:02 p.m. Friday, November 8, 2002 . gbook .

[Happy =)]

Muahaha. Ella, I think it's YOUR shoes. =P Grin. I'm happy? =) That's good, ain't it? LOL. I rushed and chionged and got there. Muahaha. And I didn't get a chance to splurge on anything downstairs. Sam the pig didn't get a chance to be greedy. La~ =) Good. Don't waste money too. My apple pie got squished though. Sad =( It got squished in my bag and everything came out. Gross yah? Heh. Beethoven rocks. Saw Dingo at the bus stop. My, he is tall. Quite kek-ing. I feel damn short can? Sigh. Miss nanxiao k. Sometimes? Lalalala, I need to get some injection tomorrow. Oh horrors. Okay, this is quite stupid. Nevermind. Blogging is losing its meaning for me nowadays? It seems.

set adrift on 09:10 p.m. Thursday, November 7, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Moon, Sun or Sky?]


Moon, Sun, or Sky?
brought to you by Quizilla

set adrift on 09:08 p.m. Thursday, November 7, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Personality Disorder]

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

I always believed it had everything to do with moods.

set adrift on 10:41 p.m. Wednesday, November 6, 2002 . gbook .

[Whatever.]

I'm sorry I ever asked. I'm sorry I was curious. I'm sorry my mind wandered. I'm sorry I bothered. Miche is right. It's tiring. Too tiring. Maybe?

It's the mere thought of it that irks me. It's just that tiny little idea which poked at the top of the head, sounds wrong. Whatever. That's what nags at me.

And the actor would say it doesn't matter. And that actor would go on living his life just the way it should be not the way it really is, deep inside him. Cos inside, it's different. Inside, its a whole hell lot of different. A totally new picture, image.

There's red yellow white blue, flashing neon lights. Striking all across that white wall. Then silence. Then clean. Then white again. Composed, calm. Peaceful? Silent, steady once again.

I'm not sure if it's called 'zi wa fen mu'. One is one own's grave digger. Shrug. I don't know. Whatever.

set adrift on 10:26 p.m. Wednesday, November 6, 2002 . gbook .

[ignoranceyah?]

You can't take back words. I know I didn't mean anything. I just . I DONT KNOW. I don't know. I just don't know anything. I don't want to know anything. I just want to study my chinese and go and sleep.

set adrift on 10:05 p.m. Wednesday, November 6, 2002 . gbook .

[notmeantlikethis]

When I said life needed highs and lows, when I said grey was boring, when I said you need all that things I said, I didn't mean this. If I ever wished for any of them, please, take them away. I don't mean this. I'd rather be stable. Boring, stable. But stable. Not not not not extremes. Not mood swings. Not getting angry over nothing. Not flaring up for nothing. Not nothing. I don't know. I didn't mean this. If it should be like that, let it lest be constant, not come and go's. No. Not like this. I'm perfectly fine. I just need to scream everything out. I just need to get everything out. I just need to be empty and brainless and have nothing inside this already burdened brain of mine. And if you would like to relate this to something, no it's nothing. It's just bottle exploding.

set adrift on 09:57 p.m. Wednesday, November 6, 2002 . gbook .

[itsadamnedjoke]

It's almost 10. Screwed. Hell, I'm supposed to be normal for goodness sake. LIKE WHATEVER. I'm sorry. ARGH. Ice cream sounds good. Really. I want to be numb you know? Not to give a shit like I used to? But that makes life so damned cold, so damned stone, so black, it's not even grey. Everything's so blurry, everyone's so fake. Ya, that song or whatever. Nevermind, tomorrow, when you wake up, everything would just be a nightmare long gone, a dream that you'd forget in time. It's almost shitty deja vu. I hate that. I freaking hate that, be it personal or not. LIKE ARGH. Why the heck am I getting so worked up over... NOTHING? GAWD. I'm mad. I think KAP today was good, going 'crazy' with elle. I wanted that. Everything's so rubbish. Everything's just a silly joke. Life's just a joke the people above wanted to play on us. Today? It's just part of the computer process,system. Today was April Fool's up there maybe? They control us, maybe? GACK. It's starting to feel,sound like Matrix. Maybe that's why I like Matrix. Maybe that's why I like the Blue Nowhere. It's something I can identify with. This is so not making sense, but I don't give a shit anymore. I just need to write nonsense and get everything out of my system. Rubbish or not.

set adrift on 09:52 p.m. Wednesday, November 6, 2002 . gbook .

[cynic]

I hate this. I HATE THIS. Freak. I hate it. I'm so damn irritated at you can? I don't know if it's 'cos I'm getting biased, influenced, WHATEVER. But hell, I don't think much of you. You just sound as if you're so prima donna, wanting to pull everything off, wanting everything, thinking you can so handle it. Are you sure you can? Half is irritated, shithelledup, half is worried, concerned. BUT like what the hell. Forget it. I want to go out somewhere scream my lungs out, lose my voice, kill myself, the world ain't worth living much for, now.

If you would excuse me. I'm in one of my moods, don't judge me. I'm who I am. But are you sure I'm who I seem to be? To you.

set adrift on 09:44 p.m. Wednesday, November 6, 2002 . gbook .

[Mud]

Oh ya. I wanted to ask.

The original was:
Would you step into quicksand mud if you knew you were going to sink anyway? If you like mud.

I changed it.
Would you step into mud if you knew there was the high possibility of sinking in so deep, like quicksand? I'm not sure. The kind you step in, you sink, you struggle, you only sink in deeper, worse. If you like mud, if it would help you perhaps mentally if you stepped in and took the risk. Would you? If you knew you could die in there? Would you?

set adrift on 09:22 p.m. Wednesday, November 6, 2002 . gbook .

[Mess]

Suddenly got this feeling I won't get the job anyway. So yup. Anyway, whatever. You know that JinJin girl from that stupid show? My bro has an attitude comparable to hers, except she's more vicious la. I'm talking about attitude here, not err, say, possessive and blahz. Nevermind.

This whole thing is getting very messy. Actually it isn't. It's all quite clear. It's just that. I don't know. Not making sense here, now, am I? It's just very... grey blurry. To me, that is. Got a lot of things I need to get outta my head, my mental voice has a heavy burden. There's chinese tomorrow, 10 kes 75 chengyus. Very screwed. I'll write later. Goes with mood yah? Oh. Hotel California is nice. =)

set adrift on 09:12 p.m. Wednesday, November 6, 2002 . gbook .

[Sleep =D]

Something was quite pissifying. Spelling? Looks damn weird. I don't think there's such a word anyway. I don't know. There's something wrong with me today. But whatever. LIKE BLEAH. I hate it when I'm thinking about something, then I suddenly forget. Irritating. Naggy feeling. Blah. Wadeva. I think sleep is good, what do you think? =) Irritating, not being able to remember. But I'm not pissed anymore. WHATEVER. Man. I'm mad. Oh ya, I'd like a new email address with maddie@ wadeva. I lost my old one. =(

set adrift on 11:46 p.m. Tuesday, November 5, 2002 . gbook .

[Distracted]

No cause for irritation.
Just distracted.
Very distracted, and irritated.
Vocabulary's running out.
Still feel used.
No reason either.
A bit werded.
Sigh.
Whatever.

set adrift on 11:09 p.m. Tuesday, November 5, 2002 . gbook .

[Different == Cliched?]

Grin. Michelle's present is... werd... no amusing... funny? same thing. errr...damn weird ok nevermind. different. =D Grins. Different from what... different from the err... normal? Okay, different to me. =P LOL. Haha. I want to see her face? Sounds quite mean, it ain't that bad, but it's still... =D Hehe. Oh and when we went err... bumming around, saw these mexican jumping beans? LOL. Quite 'cute'. But probably get sick of it like in what, few days? =D

I like different. Not cliched. But then if cliched, so nobody uses it, and everybody goes for different, then different becomes cliched and cliched becomes different? OKAY. Nevermind. =\ I still like different. =P Especially for presents la. It's less... I don't know, meaningless? =) Shows you put some thought into your gifts, and that's nice. =D Gives you a happy feeling. =) If the person likes the present. Hiak. Christmas is coming! But I can't think of anything. Sianz.

set adrift on 10:20 p.m. Tuesday, November 5, 2002 . gbook .

[05th Nov]

Shithell. My violin exam is on the 27th of November!!!!! ARGH. It's too early. =( I'm unprepared. I requested for early December. Sigh. It's on a bloody wednesday. Bah.

Mom called Shaun a cuckoo/suku. He just likes to talk to himself rubbish (make shooting noises, play a whole game of dunnowadevadeheck) in the car. Ah. And when we comment (among the two of us) that we don't understand anyway, he says, "Big deal. I don't care...etc." Obviously... !!!!!!!!! Nevermind. Whatever. He's just being the ass he is. Like, WHATEVER. Bleah.

You know what? You're making us worried. Yes, worried, scared. Very. Sigh. Anyway, if it's bad, and you know it's bad, then do something about it to make it less...bad? To make it better? And ya, bad is relative. You know you can always talk about it if you want to ya? Don't bottle everything inside yourself. It's unhealthy. You'll break down one day. But we just wanna know you're not and never alone. We care about you.

Oman... the "we care" sounded like an advertisment. But hey, it's truth. Really, window shopping is fun, NOT spending money and using time is fun. Taka is bad for you, when you're such pigs. =P I need a camera. =) Throat's killing me. I'll cough my lungs out one day. Blarh. Khin must be confident okay? =) It's okay. Broad is okay. It's no crime you know? =D Chill dearie. Okay. I need to shower. I stink. My arms turned red just from sitting in the swing today. Rubbish. Man. So crap. Good night.

set adrift on 09:17 p.m. Tuesday, November 5, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: Music Genre]

which musicgenre fits to you?

set adrift on 11:47 p.m. Monday, November 4, 2002 . gbook .

[Deepavali]

Washed my toilet today? Grin. I'm such a pig. =( Was supposed to go climb short Bukit Timah hill, and wake up at 7. Bleah. No self control yah? Ella's more pig though. She woke up at 1. HUMPH!!!! >:O Sam? You're acting weird. =

Anyhow, went scouting for black shoes and whatnots today. =) Tiring, but fun. Heh. Window shopping is fun yah? LOL. We tried on those kind of... = Okay nevermind. I do realise this is very public. =$ Anyhow, having no money to buy anything, and I'm kinda not willing to spend on anything but food, so grin, that's all I can do. See only. Grin. =D We should bring camera next time, ella says. Fun!!! Heh. I'm feeling mean. People having exams tomorrow while we're playing. Muahahaha. ROFLMAO. Sorry. But I gotta study when they play anyhow. So yup, fair? =) Grin. Not much of a good excuse, heck.

Anyway, Happy Deepavali. =)

set adrift on 11:12 p.m. Monday, November 4, 2002 . gbook .

[Quiz: What should your new year's resolution be?]

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

Find this quite rubbish seeing that I kinda simply picked most of the answers, not even knowing what they were. Shrugs. Anyway, whatever.

set adrift on 11:11 p.m. Monday, November 4, 2002 . gbook .

[fridayfive]

It's sunday. This is kinda late. But I don't care anymore. I'm bored. I didn't get to do the other one I wanted to do 2 weeks ago. Bleah.

Friday Five
1. Were you raised in a particular religious faith?
Yes, Christianity.

2. Do you still practice that faith? Why or why not?
Yes. I went through a period of time when I didn't know why and how and everything, but after this P6 camp, I guess, I kinda believed really truthfully then, of my own accord.

3. What do you think happens after death?
I don't know. Even though I am supposed to believe there's eternal life, but I constantly struggle with my faith being true/real and I know I sin. So where can I go? Or do you just drift around? Or do you really feel nothing more and just... fade away, disappear.

4. What is your favorite religious ritual (participating in or just observing)?
There's no particular ritual? Is there? Besides church on sunday. I like worship. =) It's my favourite. To sing and worship and give praise. I just like music. And it helps me. The songs.

5. Do you believe people are basically good?
I believe people are neither good nor evil. Only when they have knowledge, when they know what is right and wrong, will they then be said to be 'good' or 'bad', because if you don't know what you're doing is wrong, how can you say that you are bad/evil? It's only when you have the knowledge. Then, it's different. But I guess people are basically more good then evil, because of conscience? And emotions.

set adrift on 02:42 p.m. Sunday, November 3, 2002 . gbook .

[whatdoyouseewhenyoulookahead]

Wondering what would macs be like now. LOL. Marian ar, that's why I didnt want somewhere that I'd get spotted? Quite... werd? Grin. Nevermind. Ah well. I don't have black shoes. = Tell me what it's like after your OJE okay? :)

Mentally scolding people in your brain helps I guess? Helps you to fa xie everything off. Not to a great extent, but it does help? =) We are so lousy. Sigh. I don't wanna go on tuesday. Got a horrible sorethroat, coughing my lungs out. =( But I have drama/choral night practise. The schedules are warped, I tell ya. It's like 8am then 4pm or something, werded? Like what are we going to do in between? SIGH. What a waste of time. =( I can't imagine what it'd be like when I'm sec3/4. Then there'll be no more seniors to help us out. HOW?! We're really going to die, going to pull everyone down, going to make people suffer, and it ain't even their fault. It's like quicksand? No wait, is it mud? I don't know. You just sink in deeper and deeper and you struggle, but you can't escape. Sigh. I like korean serials. LOL. =) There was this one just now at about 1230 plus I think? I don't know. I just switched on the tv, and it looked nice. WAIT! Is it even korean? Bleah.

Oh. Nice song. Hello, it's me. I thought about us, for a long long time. Maybe I think too much, but something's wrong. There's something here that doesn't last too long. Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine... I'm not even sure if it's the correct lyrics... I take for granted that you're always there. I take for granted that you just don't care... Hm. It's from Duets. =) Heh... It's important to me, that you know you're free...

I decided I can't be SL. If I did, I'd die? Really. I wouldn't know what to do? But I wouldn't know what anyone else can do for us either? It's so... pathetic. Sigh. We're pathetic. Really. After next year, I don't know what's going to become of us? Will it die? Sigh. It's horrible. The mere sound. Argh. =S

set adrift on 02:28 p.m. Sunday, November 3, 2002 . gbook .

[Facing the Asian Invasion]

My heritage is a cross-cultural, intergenerational jumble, but I can recognize those pieces that are Asian. I recognize one, for example, when Liz tells me about the horror of having her heart broken, really broken, for the first time. "He said, 'You know, Liz, it's not you, it's me....' And I was like [cheerfully, shrugging] 'Okay.' And I didn't eat for like two weeks, which is big for me, because I love food. But I just couldn't do anything. It was so horrible, and I couldn't make myself stop, and I was dying but I felt, 'I can't let him know. I can't let him ever know how upset I am over this.'"

Why would this beautiful, strong, young girl, who is so very 19 years old and who was done wrong by a boy who was confused and so very 19 years old too, why would she melt into the ground and smile and say, "Okay," when she really wanted to scream? But I don't need to ask why. I know. It has something to do with pride. Something to do with an incredible, deep-seeded sense of dignity. Foolish? Perhaps. But Asian. It's in me too. It's in my parents. It's in Dr. Fong. Everything's okay.

Facing the Asian Invasion

From eliza. =)

set adrift on 02:22 p.m. Sunday, November 3, 2002 . gbook .