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// I'm told 11:52:19 PM -- Monday, September 9, 2002

I'm told, and have seen evidence corroborating the idea, that what attracts us in a face is perfect pentagons, through-and-through.
what I mean by this is ... look at your chin and mouth. Draw an imaginary line across your chin, to the corners of your mouth, and in to your upper lip. Does it form a regular (all angles 72deg) pentagon? The same goes for your face at large and a bunch of other places too, and those same standards do not vary from civilization to civilization.
as far as I can tell.

here angst would go, were I still wont to publish it to the world. This may be a function of NotSleep^tm. This will cease. wednesday, archiving happens.

// Welcome to Fort Awesome! 11:46:39 PM -- Sunday, September 8, 2002

I think the military should have a Fort Awesome. That would be so cool ...

My schedule is still undecided. I want a period for compsci, and will ask jim about independent-study-ing, or whatever the option really is. (NOT IB. Ugh. Like advanced again, except ... not being advanced. A poseur advanced, if you will.)

I worked out for the first time in a long time today. I will learn not to trust what I think of myself shortly after I work out, as it is always always wrong. (mirror: Is that - do I see - muscle? No. No, Matthias, to have muscle would be to deny the spirit of your being.)

Also: Don't vote for the guy who worked under Mr. Hales. He wants to make the smartpark cost $5! $5! It's - it's smartpark. Come on.

Christian Gunther, on the other hand, has nothing but good things to recommend him. as far as I can tell. I don't have the various voter's guides that we had when we decided all this, so I can't tell you what each candidate did wrong. Some of them have good ideas, but all of them also have really bad ideas. And that's unacceptable.

// note well 01:13:02 AM -- Sunday, September 8, 2002

Fear of anything can be conquered in steps. Except fear of steps - that could take a while.

// . 11:09:07 PM -- Friday, September 6, 2002

Monkey! Bat! Robot Hat!

oh, you want a school entry? well HAVE SOME PATIENCE MAN

// trig 09:18:30 PM -- Wednesday, September 4, 2002

coming off a long, long chapter of trig just now, I overheard my parents talking about it. all I heard was my father saying "once he gets started, he actually enjoys learning!" in an amazed voice...

I thought they knew.

// ... 12:29:22 PM -- Wednesday, September 4, 2002

Don't worry about such trivial things.

// sora 01:50:17 AM -- Tuesday, September 3, 2002

http://www.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/goldmine/geekmovies/NoDamage-bluecrash.jpg

hahahaha.

sarah's birthday party: good. desperately trying to unstick the key from the door silently while they wait for me to get inside: bad.

yoko kanno: good.

oh, and I'd be much obliged if someone could tell me how to draw the japanese character for 'wind', and possibly even what its unicode number is.

// schubert 08:06:52 PM -- Sunday, September 1, 2002

I have discovered the Wanderer Fantasy, by Schubert.

But I'm unable to decide whether or not to learn it: it's about 20 minutes long and even Schubert himself couldn't play it.

my father says that it's not what he would choose for me to learn, and will think about what similar but somewhat easier pieces I could learn.
I may agree with him. I mean .... wow. I looked at the sheet music, and it looks like it's too long and too difficult right now. then again, I said the same thing about the toccata, and that turned out great...

// cicadas` 12:25:52 PM -- Sunday, September 1, 2002
those are cicadas. I rather enjoyed the sci-fi aspect for the first ten seconds or so when I first heard them ...

// the day of b 12:08:17 AM -- Sunday, September 1, 2002

I have now been 17 for

6

23

Did I already recap the lan party? I went to a lan party, and I'm too lazy to check the last entry I made to see if you've already heard this. I acquired 3d studio max 5, which is superior to max 4 in many ways except that I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF DEMO MODE because the smaller program that generates the obscenely long number that tricks the program into thinking I paid for it that was included did not function.

I have tried to find a keygen. I have tried so hard, meeting only with failure.
Perhaps as time goes on and it becomes more widespread, a crack will be easier to find.

// g'tah 12:46:43 AM -- Friday, August 30, 2002

the university on the second island of gta3 is called "St Matthias University". Score.

// mbday2002 10:52:06 PM -- Wednesday, August 28, 2002

today was my mother's birthday. I made her an animation, inside today. It's actually pretty cool.

I have found the music for all 6 marble madness levels, except for level 4 which changes halfway through (I only hear the loop for the very beginning of the level. neat, but ... not as neat as, say, the whole thing.) Now I am trying to find the other ones, smaller sounds; the sound you get when you lose, consolation-win when you get to high score but not winning the game, win-win when you get to the high score having beaten the entire game.

I can only find incredibly crappy (and INCORRECT) versions ripped from the sega and nintendo versions. I hate them all. The sound quality is far inferior to the original arcade box's, and they are also transcribed incorrectly.

I can't learn them if I don't get them into a wav on this computer ...

// crazy dream 11:17:32 AM -- Wednesday, August 28, 2002

Most of it has faded away. Before I forget: Abe made an opengl version of wave64. The other part I remember is going to the Schafer's computer, where david's room was (not actually where it was; I just Knew This). It has been turned into a closet, more like a costume room really, and their old computer is in the corner. I lookat it and seea commandprompt. at first I think it's dos, but closer inspection reveals it is Windows 97.

// Tesg Blog ||| entry 11:20:43 PM -- Tuesday, August 27, 2002

[22:33] a rocketship: anyway. tell ME something interesting.
[22:33] renderer85: I bought a new video card. I may or may not have raved about it in my blog. none of 
this is interesting. a moment, please.
[22:35] renderer85: I have a candle next to me, and wax is all over my desk as I found ways to extinguish
 it without having it smoke afterwards. Right now, as I write things, I hear them in my head, except 
spoken in a whiny, irritating version of my voice.
[22:35] renderer85: This happens when I have read too much, or need to take a break, or something, but
 I need to do none of these things.
[22:35] a rocketship: hm. why?
[22:35] renderer85: I do not know.
[22:36] renderer85: My monitor is very bright, so when I render nighttime scenes other people think I
 have sent them a blank image, for it is dark on their monitors. Pity.
[22:36] renderer85: My room is a mess.
[22:36] renderer85: I am not hungry, but I want to eat. I am thirsty, but I do not want to drink.
[22:36] a rocketship: clean it!
[22:36] renderer85: it is windy.
[22:37] a rocketship: chicago?
[22:37] renderer85: I took a block of wood and made a candleholder out of it in 6th grade. all I did
 was sand it into a cylinder and then drill a hole in the top with the largest drill I could possibly
 find. Fortuitously, this turned out to be the standard size for small candles, the kind you put in 
tea-warmers and such.
[22:37] renderer85: No, portland.
[22:38] renderer85: Unfortunately most of the candles that fit said candleholder are scented unpleasantly.
 maybe. It could be my imagination.
[22:38] renderer85: I have two monitors, but one is not hooked up to anything. Periodically I have a 
second computer, which is invariably slow.
[22:38] renderer85: there is a party hat on my wall. my brother kept it from a party; evidently it means
 something to him. it is still here, although he does not live here anymore.
[22:38] renderer85: how much of this is interesting?
[22:39] a rocketship: about fifty to seventy-five per cent.  i especially liked that party hat bit.
[22:39] renderer85: splendid.
[22:40] a rocketship: quite.
[22:40] renderer85: I'm not sure I can continue rambling.
[22:40] a rocketship: damn.
[22:41] renderer85: I have a lighter. It is a very old bic lighter, before they put childproofing on it.
[22:41] renderer85: My brother bought many lighters and matches. He was proficient with fireworks and 
there were always a few firecrackers in his desk. Periodically I'd take one and set it off in the creek 
in the backyard; it splashed.
[22:41] renderer85: It is still not out of lighter fluid. I'm not sure how that's possible, but I use it 
to light everything.
[22:42] renderer85: My dad's colleague had a birthday party in NY. I went to it; the caterers had a 
basket full of wooden matches. The box had their logo onit. I took all the ones I could conceal in a 
not-obvious way. I now have 15 boxes of matches.
[22:42] renderer85: Nice matches, too.
[22:42] renderer85: At the party, everyone brought gifts; some lavish, some less so, some entertaining 
stories.
[22:42] renderer85: his daughter gave him a large package. He unwrapped it, finding a smaller box nested
 inside, and so on until he eventually got to a card.
[22:42] renderer85: the card said that he would be a grandfather inside 6 months or so. He said it was 
the best present he could be given; grandparents seem to agree.
[22:43] renderer85: he is 60, but kept claiming it was his 40th birthday party, that when he reached 50 
he started going the other way.
[22:43] renderer85: He dyes his hair to be more hireable. It works.
[22:43] renderer85: Coming back, I purchased two books in an overpriced bookstore. Oneturned out ot be 
crap; I will sell it to powell's.
[22:44] renderer85: in space, a candle's flame is a sphere. After a while it exhausts the oxygen near 
it and appears to go out; however, if you lightly move air across it it will resume burning.
[22:44] renderer85: if there is a steady airflow in a certain direction it will look like an earth candle,
 save that the flame is traveling with the air.
[22:44] renderer85: the reason candles look the way they do on earth is that the air heated in the fire 
rises quickly, drawing colder air in underneath.
[22:45] renderer85: Visiting my old house was unpleasant until I stopped looking at the house. then 
random locations would trigger odd memories from my childhood. I did not tell my parents about them; 
they would not understand.
[22:45] renderer85: looking at my neighbor's house, I remembered running to catch the bus. If you ever 
flagged in running to catch it at hte next stop, the bus driver would just drive away. I didn't, that 
time; the kids on the bus said I was very fast.
[22:45] renderer85: They were lying.
[22:46] renderer85: Looking at the steps leading to the front door reminded me of just that. They stuff 
growing around them has changed, massively for the worse, but the steps for the most part have not.
[22:46] renderer85: There used to be quite a nice garden to the sides of it. whoever lives there now let 
it go.
[22:46] renderer85: Looking towards the street, halfway up, to the left of the driveway: I was very young 
and somehow participating in a mock war using fake guns and suchlike. I fell and hurt my thumb, rather 
badly, but didn't cry. That may have been the first time I didn't. I didn't keep playing, however; I don't
 remember how the game even worked.
[22:47] renderer85: Moving towards the front door. The only plants that have thrived are weird 
evergreenish bushes. They are ugly without the other plants that used to grow around them.
[22:47] renderer85: My father built the step before the concrete doorstep. It has moved slightly and 
moss is growing on it; we took better care.
[22:47] renderer85: Standing on that step once, there was a thunderstorm on. Looking over the same 
neighbor's house whose lawn I ran across to catch the bus (later in my life) ...
[22:48] renderer85: lightning strikes someplace near the reservoir as near as I can tell. I either 
see air being ionized into a blue field around the lightning bolt, or it's just so bright that there's 
a blue glow around it. either way it looked really cool.
[22:48] renderer85: Moving further around. There are pine trees (not conifers) closer to the road. 
Grass does not grow underneath them; the ground is perpetually a dull orange because of dead pine needles.
[22:49] renderer85: It is a nice place, but I never spent any time there. My brothers once rode the 
lawn mower down it - our yard was quite steep there - in neutral, down towards the back yard. They went 
quite fast.
[22:49] renderer85: incidentally, my mother once managed to run over her foot with the lawn mower 
(Just with the wheel, not cutting her foot up or anything.) she was quite distraught. 
[22:49] renderer85: Our garage is smaller than I remembered it. Everything is smaller than I remembered
 it.
[22:49] renderer85: I'm told that a long time ago, we had a ping-pong table, but that it warped in the
 high heat and humidity of ny in late summer.
[22:50] renderer85: I had a friend called matt burke in ny. in 5th grade, june 12th, 13th or 14th (or
 something), they had a field day. it was 92 degrees, 100% humidity.
[22:50] renderer85: I did not bring water with me. I did not become dehydrated so much as desperately 
hot. eventually, matt just poured water over me. I was grateful, after I got over the shock of it.
[22:51] renderer85: I won nothing, but the best runner couldn't stay within the lines and hence was 
disqualified. This struck me as odd.
[22:51] renderer85: One of the people I knew there built a treehouse. Instead of actual steps, they 
would just hammer 5 or 6 nails real close together into the tree; you could step on them, provided you
 were a little kid.
[22:52] renderer85: my best friends there were the schafers. I biked with them, everywhere. There was
 a very nice bike path from Baldwin Place or thereabouts to Yorktown. Yorktown had the nearest video 
rental place, but the bike path passed by a waste treatment facility.
[22:52] renderer85: Most of it was very nice, though.
[22:52] renderer85: While it was still under construction, the schafers and I went up to the largest 
bridge there. There were only two heavy steel i-beams crossing the chasm below.
[22:52] renderer85: We recognized that there would be no way to cross with our bicycles, but we crawled
 across without them anyway.
[22:52] renderer85: or they did, maybe. I don't know.
[22:53] renderer85: it was possible to cross without crossing the bridge. my cousin and I discovered 
this later, but soon afterwards the bridge was completed and it didn't matter anymore.
[22:53] renderer85: Baldwin Place was a decrepit, run-down shopping center.
[22:53] renderer85: There was not a single store still in business in the entire place.
[22:53] renderer85: the schafers built a ladder. We used it to climb onto the roof, but an undercover
 cop caught us... arguably the weirdest thing ever. Why would they be watching the roof?
[22:53] renderer85: they claimed that they were concerned we would fall through the tar-paper roof, 
that it wasn't safe to go on anymore.
[22:54] renderer85: The inside hadn't been cleaned up. you could go inside - there was broken glass
 everywhere. I would've enjoyed it, later on; I never spent much time inside.
[22:54] renderer85: adjacent to baldwin place was a large area that wasn't properly watered, ever. 
It was crisscrossed by dirtbike paths. The schafers and I would periodically go on them on our bicycles;
 arguably more fun than the official paved bike path.
[22:54] renderer85: the official paved bike path crossed a busy street and by the post office.
[22:54] renderer85: once I heard a very, very loud car crossing the street after I had.
[22:54] renderer85: I looked back to see it, and biked straight into a sign. cut up my chest a bit, 
but after a while I was able to bike home.
[22:55] renderer85: once there was a nylon cord tied across the lot you had to cross as part of the
 bike path.
[22:55] renderer85: I biked directly into it. it stopped me rather quickly and pushed me back a few
 feet. I hadn't seen it, or had assumed that it would be pushed under my tires and all would be well.
[22:55] renderer85: The first time the chain ever fell off the cog on my bicycle, I determined how
 to get it back on. I also determined the easy way.
[22:55] renderer85: fun fun.
[22:56] renderer85: once, I biked to yorktown with my brother. The fire department was having some 
kind of public  awareness day, and gave away donuts.
[22:56] renderer85: But not drinks. 
[22:56] renderer85: They didn't sell drinks, either.
[22:56] renderer85: but I got sidetracked from the house.
[22:56] a rocketship: thirst.
[22:56] renderer85: I am thirsty. but I do not want to drink.
[22:56] renderer85: A little further around the house, the side facing my other neighbors, the jocelyns 
(they moved out. They maintained a very nice house while they wre there, much like we did. They also 
added stuff to it. The new people do not. it is hideous.)
[22:57] renderer85: is a ... 
[22:57] renderer85: whaddayacallit ... um ....
[22:57] renderer85: hose. Hose attachment.
[22:57] renderer85: we had to have a very long hose to be able to water everything.
[22:57] renderer85: a little bit further, the tree I once foresaw in a dream.
[22:57] renderer85: more specifically, I dreamt of the pattern of wind blowing through the leaves. 
the next day it happened. I have probably told you this before.
[22:57] renderer85: it has grown to the point where I cannot recognize it.
[22:57] renderer85: Further around. The porch. we had a birdfeeder on the porch, and kept it stocked;
 in the winter we would see cardinals and such ....
[22:58] renderer85: but mostly we saw a squirrel who lived in the large maple tree in the backyard.
[22:58] renderer85: if we caught him we would let the dog out and she would chase it back to the tree.
[22:58] renderer85: Once it jumped off the porch entirely, but it suffered no harm.
[22:58] renderer85: we had a trampoline. Summer is remembered as me jumping on the trampling until it 
struck me to go inside to the computer or a book. I was very proficient at jumping, but my ankles have 
since weakened.
[22:59] renderer85: I could also do tricks. I still can, to an extent, but have probably lost the 
complicated ones.
[22:59] renderer85: Once, my older cousin climbed to the top of the maple tree, but was unable to 
come all the way back down. He had us move the trampoline so he could jump onto it.
[22:59] renderer85: Once there was a ladder stood against the maple tree. I climbed against it. One
 of my neighbor's children (the neighbors who preceded the jocelyns) shot me with a bb gun. It hurt
 a lot, but didn't injure me at all. We never confronted them.
[23:00] renderer85: Further down. It was an awful lot of lawn to mow, and at one point we just let 
it go.
[23:00] renderer85: Well, a part of it, at the very bottom of our lawn.
[23:00] renderer85: It came to look pretty nice, tall grasses everywhere, wildflowers, and crickets 
singing within where you couldn't see them and didn't dare go.
[23:00] renderer85: Once, our neighbors (opposite the jocelyns)' mother called hysterically screaming 
that her children had seen a rattlesnake in said meadowish thing.
[23:01] renderer85: my father put her on hold while he laughed maniacally. New york does not house
 rattlesnakes.
[23:01] renderer85: if there were snakes in said meadow, they were harmless garden snakes. But there
 probably weren't anyway.
[23:01] renderer85: further out there is a compost pile. We used it. New neighbors do not.
[23:01] renderer85: Beyond the compost pile, a forest. in it, a creek .It was very nice. one time
 I walked along it during the winter. it leads into a small reservoir pondisht hing.
[23:02] renderer85: I had almost knee-high boots on, being a little kid.
[23:02] renderer85: I waded inwards, but I stepped an inch too far and ice-cold water rushed into my
 boot. I walked home along the rode, desperately cold. My foot turned numb eventually, and then I 
reached the house.
[23:02] renderer85: Once there was a huge blizzard, and snow was piled as high as the first-floor 
windows. We could nto open the door.
[23:02] renderer85: my brother and I climbed out a window and cleared things off. 
[23:03] renderer85: that was awesome, though. I got on the trampoline at one point and jumped off as
 far as I could go. I found myself neck-deep in snow, almost unable to move.
[23:03] renderer85: something about my brother .... hm. I lost it.
[23:03] renderer85: My oldest brother wrote in indelible ink all over his walls, weird messages 
evidently. I never read them.
[23:03] renderer85: I didn't really play piano while I was in new york.
[23:04] renderer85: Our dog was very sensitive to fireworks. She would go nuts if we lit them off, 
and eventually she came to associate the sound of the lighter starting with fireworks.
[23:04] renderer85: if we didn't know where she was (outside; we could just let her go) we would 
step out and flick the lighter a couple times. She would come, barking angrily. She was usually so 
far away that we could barely hear her at first.
[23:05] renderer85: When I was very young, we had a segmented denim couch.
[23:05] renderer85: one christmas, my brother and I blocked the hallway to the family room with them 
entirely, making a wall of sorts. We jumped into it, knocking it down. it was fun, but we never did 
it again.
[23:05] renderer85: a few months before we knew we were moving, we expanded a few things, making the 
family room a vaulted-cieling deal. My uncle manfred was commissioned to do it. we also put in skylights.
[23:06] renderer85: I went up to the roof to help him out once or twice. I wasn't much help, but it 
was neat seeing the family room from above and climbing in the skylight before the glass was put in.
[23:06] renderer85: Thinking.
[23:06] renderer85: Thinking. 
[23:07] renderer85: The only time my parents ever hit me to punish me was once when I was late for 
dinner, doing something (not watching a video) with the VCR. My father hit my hand. It struck me as a 
bit harsh considering that I had done worse things with no physical action taken.
[23:07] renderer85: I once found a hunting arrow in the woods. The point was supposed to be a three-sided
 razor, but one had fallen off, making it a kind of bent two-sided one.
[23:08] renderer85: I asked the general store man how much it would cost to fix. He said $5. I never got
 it fixed.
[23:08] renderer85: I used it as a javelin some, though; Im not sure what happened to it since.
[23:08] renderer85: we did not have central air conditioning; instead we had things you hung in the 
window.
[23:08] renderer85: one was always hung in a window overlooking the driveway. It slowly dripped water 
onto the driveway below.
[23:08] a rocketship: (i hate air conditioners that drip.)
[23:09] renderer85: There's a rusty metal hatch in the concrete below the chimney. I'm not sure what 
it does. I only looked in it once; the inside was rusted and I don't remember what was even there.
[23:09] renderer85: In that huge blizzard, we found ourselves unable to shovel all the snow off the 
driveway.
[23:09] renderer85: Our neighbors from across the street had a tractor. After we had given up, they 
came by and plowed all of it out. They were really nice people.
[23:09] renderer85: My father tried to pay them, but they would not accept.
[23:10] renderer85: We had our own well. It wasn't a rope-and-bucket arrangement, but we always had 
fresh water. 
[23:10] renderer85: once I was very sick and could keep nothing down. The indicator that it wasn't normal
 was that I would even throw up well-water a minute after I drank it. as I tested this throughout 
the day, my stomach was eventually emptied, and I would vomit just water.
[23:10] renderer85: then I took a pepto bismol. It all went away.
[23:10] renderer85: I still have no idea what that was. It never happened again.
[23:11] renderer85: when I am very sick, I have a dream I can't explain. It's always the same.
[23:11] renderer85: I get this weird feeling that I also can't explain, which I get anytime I am trying to
 do anything that requires delicacy and great manual dexterity with my hands.
[23:11] renderer85: I think I may have to be slightly under the weather for that to happen, though.
[23:11] renderer85: the only things I can remember to explain from that dream are dark lines on a 
uniformly light gray background. I am looking for something with Other People who are not defined.
[23:12] renderer85: Looking involves using my hands somehow. I have no idea.
[23:12] renderer85: this is a very weak explanation.
[23:12] renderer85: around christmastime, my siblings and I would all sequentially help my mother bake 
cookies. We got the batter, which was always good, and evenutally cookies. fun fun.
[23:13] renderer85: we also made fondue, once. it was really good, but we never made it again.
[23:13] renderer85: pancakes are a dinner food.
[23:13] renderer85: unless you make them american-style, thick, and cover them in maple syrup. then 
they're a lame breakfast food.
[23:13] renderer85: our computer drew less electricity than the lights for the computer room.
[23:14] renderer85: right before we left the house for the last time, I looked around, with everything 
empty. It didn't feel like my house anymore; it didnt' feel like a house at all
[23:14] renderer85: .
[23:14] renderer85: I don't remember ever locking our door.
[23:14] renderer85: Often, our neighbor's mailboxes would get smashed.
[23:15] renderer85: My father bolted together a monstrosity of a mailbox that couldn't be smashed down. 
It is still there, albeit rusted.
[23:15] renderer85: and with the ARNASON label stickers taken down.
[23:15] renderer85: our area code was 10527. it always struck me as nicer than 97229.
[23:15] renderer85: I don't know the four-digit extension. now it is 4178.
[23:15] renderer85: 97229-4178.
[23:16] renderer85: that may be all, for now.
[23:16] renderer85: it is. it may be all, period.
[23:16] renderer85: I didn't quite close out an hour. =(
[23:17] a rocketship: matthias? you should save this.
[23:17] renderer85: I feel reborn.
[23:18] a rocketship: i have the pleasant feeling one gets after hearing a story read aloud

// that york which is not old 12:03:32 AM -- Tuesday, August 27, 2002

I have returned from New York.
What's that? You want to hear the nostalgia trip? oh fine.

But first I must describe the entire trip in excruciating detail.

Starting with - the flight out. To begin with, everything is delayed an hour due to bad weather in chicago. Eventually, they let us board. I am assigned a window seat, but it is an old airplane with the engines in the back ... and I happen to be seated next to the window that is COMPLETELY blocked by the engine. Oh, and being right next to the engine means that I am in the loudest part of the airplane. Fun fun fun.
The flight out part 2!
We arrive and find that our flight has been canceled. Fortuitously, it has been replaced by a flight of equal or lesser value (I estimate equal). It was going to the same airport, so all is well. This part was really cool. It was not crowded at all, since I flew to the much smaller Westchester Airport (close to white plains, I believe). It being late, and cloudy, I got a spectacular view of a thunderstorm's moonlit clouds from above. And lightning. Periodically clouds would light up from inside. that was awesome.

Arrive. Go to hotel. Sleep. Wake up. Leave. Go to ... a place. What place was it? crap. Oh yeah - we went and saw the Schafers, my best friends when I lived there.

Comically, the one closest to my age has not returned from France and hence is unavailable. The other one (I was friends with him too, really) and the parents are there, though, and they rock. Being there made me realize that the schafers had a spectacularly good influence on me, predominantly through getting me over my fears by sheer peer pressure. (Heights, by climbing on trees and stuff, mostly)

We leave, all too soon (I hadn't had a chance to check out all the places in his yard we'd pretend stuff - weird trees mostly). I only catch a glimpse of a swingset we sometimes used, rusted and overgrown.

We leave. We go to our old house. Whoever lives there now has failed rather spectacularly to make anything of it, opting instead to paint the wood siding a hideous faux-wood color. Hideous. Just hideous. My father is in a hurry, so we leave. (SUCKS. Look, matthias, our old house! No, you can't look at anything. Time to go.)

We go to my father's colleague's 60th birthday party (the real point of all this). Fun, I guess, for him. I didn't really know anyone there. Wasn't bad, though.

I see my sister's apartment, finally. It is rather small. It consists of a common area, kitchen, bedroom, and a bathroom. That is all. The common area is not very large. Something is wrong with her two air conditioners, and they smell bad. She has candles all over the place, although there are not really too many.

THE NEXT DAY (sunday)

Wake up eventually. Go see the Levangias, friends of my parents mostly. We went there when I was very young, and their kids and I (their kids were actually much older than me, but they were cool, so) would play board games or, alternately, Elevator Action. That was neat. Then we go listen to bands for 3 hours. Acceptable, but not so great. Then, dinner with colleagues we moved away from before I was even born. Good food.

THE NEXT NEXT DAY(monday)

Wake up. Eat breakfast. Say "What can we do now?" We go up to where our old house was, but since noone is there I can't go in. We have a look around. All the trees have gotten bigger, except possibly the huge one in the backyard. I love that tree.
The creek that ran through the backyard sort of is still there ... however, it has run nearly dry, it being drought and all. Also, near where we came out of our yard and by the creek, there was a neat small waterfall caused by the creek forcing itself over a bunch of larger rocks. They have all been moved to make a spectacularly stupid rock wall that accomplishes nothing.

I go back to the yard. The tree I dreamt of once has grown, so I don't remember it. In fact, the only two places that trigger any memories at all are standing on the front doorstep (I am young. There is a thunderstorm in progress; I look towards the reservoir. A huge lightning strike comes down, so powerful that a blue field is visible around it. I am unsure if this is due to electricity or just its incredible brightness) and under the shelter of pine trees (not like oregon pine trees. The ones with long needles), almost off of our property (Grass does not grow here because so many needles fall. Once, my two brothers wheeled the lawnmower (we had a riding mower at the time - there was about an acre of lawn to mow, after all), put it in neutral, and coasted down. It is quite steep, and they got going pretty fast. Nothing bad happened, although my parents didn't approve.

Let me say again that they have failed miserably to take care of anything there. There's a garden out front that we kept fairly well: it is next to a path from the driveway to the front door and could actually be quite nice. No longer. They have maintained only one small patch of garden - out front - but they removed everything we planted and put in uniform crap whose colors do not match and which has failed unilaterally to grow.

I intend to go meet the neighbors (the Jocelyns). They have moved away.

They were really cool. The guy was a higher-up in a construction company and continually tried to convince me that he worked for the government, and that it was all an elaborate ruse. I knew he didn't, however, because he was always initiating construction projects on this house he had bought. He refurbished the deck, built a toolshed out back, replaced a retaining wall entirely, put in a gate ...

all of that is decrepit or gone now. There are empty gasoline cans where the previous owners had carefully created and maintained a smaller, barkdust-and-evergreenish garden.

We ring the doorbell. Twice. Three times (inadvertently: my mother did not hear the ring, although it was there.) noone answers, although someone is obviously home (three cars in the driveway, and activity inside until we approached).

As we are leaving, a woman suddenly appears on the deck. She says something about the Jocelyns having moved away. We leave.

We look at the more upscale-portion of things, which is not so bad. The lawns are not all green, but it is drought-time. They are visibly better maintained than where we used to live. We pass the houses of two people I used to know; one may or may not live there, one moved to Tubingen before we even left. (tubingen is a city in Germany). the house of the people who left to Tubingen is not as I remember it, but I did not go there often.

CONCLUSION

Whoever bought our house really got a raw deal here. I mean really. It's partially their own fault (A lot their own fault, actually) since they failed to take care of anything. Painting the crumbling facade of your house helps nothing. When we sold it, we had a relatively well-kept yard, and everything looked nice. I probably should be glad I never saw the inside. still, I can't help wanting to. it being where I grew up, I remember many, many things from there. it would probably sour on seeing everything changed, though.

The Schafers still rock. I didn't have time to see any of my other friends, which is really no good at all. No good.

I must go back there the bike path is still there, but largely unexciting without a bicycle. Spectacularly so, actually. It's far too long to go through without a bicycle.

THE RETURN

We drive to the airport. Getting in is largely unexciting. I am easily irritated, a result of not getting enough sleep the night before or the night before that. The flight out is ok; while I was able to acquire a window seat, nothing interesting slid by.
The next leg, however ...
We have a three-hour layover in chicago. THREE HOURS. O'Hare is a boring airport without moving walkways: this makes going anywhere not worthwhile. Fortunately, there is a bookstore of acceptable size nearby. I buy two books, one of which proves to be horrifically unrealistic (Let me put it this way. The main character is a bald guy in his 50s who builds a private empire and gears it solely towards harvesting asteroids to bootstrap the world into expansion through space. Sounds okay, right? I mean, the CEO doesn't have to have a whole lot of space experience. But ... then this mathematician-turned-psychotocmathematician comes into the picture. Evidently, the future is trying to signal us with some important change to the program. Instead of going someplace where we could easily extract resources, we go to some crazy asteroid on an elliptical orbit that makes NO SENSE and also doesn't exist. Also, instead of people or automated probes, we send a squid we modified to be intelligent. There we find some portal which evidently goes to a completely random destination. That's not even all. There's 2 or 3 other whole plotlines I've ignored. Sound crazy yet? oh, the other 2 or 3 would sway you, but this rant is getting far too long. Suffice to say it's not a good book) The other one, I never started.

So eventually, we get on the plane. I meet some nice german guys in the waiting area, although they know nothing of portland (even where they're staying is a mystery to them, outside of the distance 30km). I board the plane. I have the aisle seat sitting next to a man who, while nice, is unable to look past regulations given him. (He very nearly tried to get the flight attendant to call some guy on how he had stowed his carry-on baggage. Who cares? He had stowed it safely enough) Nothing of further interest really happens, except I get cheated out of magnificent cloudscapes coming in to Portland. (Who cares? says the guy. It's just clouds - nothing to look at. Nothing to look at to you. Accept that not everyone sees the world the same way you do.) We land. Someone had a rather large accident on 84 or i-5 or something, precipitating a half-hour delay of people trying to merge into one lane.

ah, here is more anger. If you are in the left lane and the right lane closes, LET NOONE IN. The people on the right cheated to get ahead. The lane was closing and they have known it for ages, and the ONLY REASON merging goes slow is because they don't merge immediately. If you are in the right lane, and it closes sometime ahead that you can't see, GET LEFT. Seriously. Okay? It will make it faster for everyone, possibly even including you.

Driving back, in the tunnel on 26 before the zoo station, a lane is closed. However, all the machinery that made it necessary to close the lane is around a blind curve, and there's just a LANE CLOSED >>> sign in the middle of the tunnel.
Here, someone merely skirts around the sign to remain in the left lane, forcing him to make a sudden lane change when he realizes that there were, after all, all kinds of things not moving in the left lane that you can't drive through.

alright, I'm done here. That's really all that happened of interest. I may sound terribly angry at times; this is because I haven't had enough sleep and have spent many hours on a cramped airplane with little entertainment.

// new new new new new new york 08:48:17 AM -- Friday, August 23, 2002

I'm going to NY today. I'll be back monday. in ny, I may just see one of my best friends, who I haven't seen since around 3rd grade.

hoo, that'll be awkward. In nicer news, it's my dad's colleague's birthday or resignation day or something, and he has a piano.

// trigger happy tv 11:10:53 PM -- Thursday, August 22, 2002

HEY YOU!

I love you, Britain.

Because you have produced the FUNNIEST TELEVISION PROGRAM I HAVE EVER WATCHED: trigger happy tv.

Sure, Jackass tried some things that were kind of funny. But the rest of it was lame. But you! you! You are funny always. I only hope there are more episodes, and that you can keep it up ...
you can't show this kind of thing to a man and then keep it from him. It's not right. Not right at all.
You'd best make with the showing.

// JOY 01:31:05 AM -- Thursday, August 22, 2002

I have acquired a GEForce4 (ti4400, if you care).

it's so, so nice. So nice. It makes gaming fun again.

You see, in 1998, my parents bought a prefabricated computer from Gateway. It was acceptable, for the time ... but unfortunately, the advent of really multiplayer FPSes came with half-life.
Half-life was partially within reach of my computer for single player. Now this is the tricky part. In single player, you can work around slow framerates and such.

In multiplayer games, you cannot. A low framerate will ruin that life and quite possibly the entire gaming experience for you (ESPECIALLY if your computer has a bad video card. Mine did.)

So now I have a comically antiquated processor especially when one considers that I have an almost-top-of-the-line video card.

Oh, I am also now bankrupt with the exclusion of 14 cents in my bank account.

but it's worth it.

So worth it. I'm going to play more games now, because I can't stop.

// 11:22 p.m. -- Tuesday, August 20, 2002

Too many people fail to update altogether. It's like they've entered an sick, twisted pact (You never update. I never update. Let's not update together and not tell anyone! Wheee!) which prevents me from being growing up into a sick, twisted voyeur.
So maybe you're doing a service to the world outside of sick, twisted voyeurs. Keep up the good work.

I wrote another meaningless three pages to my crazy mormon brother. They are crazy and full of no content. The first two pages I wrote to him were awesome, though. Then these three. These three are failures.

I now prepare for e2-debauchery.

// mm 01:21:53 PM -- Tuesday, August 20, 2002

I will never get over marble madness. Never.

// and a final note 01:16:05 AM -- Tuesday, August 20, 2002

Eventually, sugar no longer energizes me and actually precipitates an energy crash. No fun. This is usually preceded by sweat under my eyes, which feels weird.

this disease has taught me so many things!

// Blogging a conversation 01:12:05 AM -- Tuesday, August 20, 2002

heh. blogging sounds kind of obscene. anyway, here's a long conversation I had with toby just now about how dead people can't move. Exciting yes! A winner is you!

[00:21] ScooterX7k: he stays alive for less than a minute after the ordeal
[00:21] renderer85: NO goddamnit
[00:22] renderer85: you break your neck, you die. You do not go on.
[00:22] ScooterX7k: okay
[00:22] renderer85: You go on briefly or you go on as a vegetable after a long period of healing
[00:22] ScooterX7k: hmm
[00:22] ScooterX7k: well
[00:22] ScooterX7k: Cedric drags him like 10 feet to the edge of a chasm and throws him off
[00:22] ScooterX7k: don't ask
[00:23] ScooterX7k: it's related but you'd have to read the book
[00:23] renderer85: Whatever. He doesn't live is the key.
[00:23] ScooterX7k: no
[00:24] ScooterX7k: he's fading as he gets dragged
[00:24] ScooterX7k: he has no fight left
[00:24] ScooterX7k: but is conscious enough (just enough) to mutter some crap
[00:24] ScooterX7k: nothing intelligable though
[00:24] renderer85: fine, fine.
[00:24] ScooterX7k: I couldn't think of anything that he'd reveal anyway
[00:25] ScooterX7k: so he just mumbles 
[00:25] ScooterX7k: his mouth moves so little he drools during the time
[00:25] ScooterX7k: I don't make it clear when he dies
[00:25] ScooterX7k: except that he's dead when he starts free falling down the chasm
[00:25] ScooterX7k: to Hell!!!!!!!
[00:26] ScooterX7k: again, don't ask
[00:26] renderer85: uh, ... yeah ...
[00:26] ScooterX7k: it would make sense if you read it
[00:26] ScooterX7k: anyway
[00:27] ScooterX7k: keeping in mind that Nemo has been through shit that no mortal man ever should, he's a VERY hearty person, and he's pretty much oblivious to pain
[00:28] ScooterX7k: think it would be possible to get up (not neatly or anything) move to the left just a little, then fall and slip out of reality 
[00:28] ScooterX7k: within like 45 seconds of breaking your neck
[00:28] renderer85: Depends on the nerve damage
[00:28] ScooterX7k: hmm
[00:28] renderer85: it has less to do with time than how much damage the inside of your spine suffered
[00:29] ScooterX7k: I think I could pull it off then
[00:29] ScooterX7k: right
[00:29] renderer85: the spine is kind of like a shell for the nerve cluster inside
[00:29] ScooterX7k: I know that
[00:29] renderer85: Don't clearly say the neck is broken, make it easier on yourself
[00:29] renderer85: just say you hear a hideous cracking noise or something
[00:29] ScooterX7k: um
[00:29] ScooterX7k: well I did
[00:29] ScooterX7k: it says that Cedric hears an ominous crack
[00:30] ScooterX7k: and then when he regards Nemo after he stands again
[00:30] ScooterX7k: it says that Cedric can tell the neck is clearly broken but that Nemo didn't want to give up just yet
[00:30] ScooterX7k: key:
[00:30] ScooterX7k: he didn't WANT to
[00:30] ScooterX7k: nothing about him actually being able to continue fighting
[00:31] ScooterX7k: but I think it's worth it to say that the neck was clearly busted
[00:31] ScooterX7k: I mean
[00:31] ScooterX7k: it would be obvious
[00:31] ScooterX7k: first there's the crack
[00:32] ScooterX7k: that can only really be one thing considering the impact
[00:32] ScooterX7k: and then he wouldn't hold his head up like normal
[00:32] ScooterX7k: it would be flopping to one side
[00:32] ScooterX7k: no structure to hold it up
[00:33] ScooterX7k: Nemo's leans crazily to one side after the break because he has such a muscular build 
[00:33] renderer85: that would cause nerve damage.
[00:33] ScooterX7k: I know
[00:33] renderer85: pretty much moving at all would.
[00:33] ScooterX7k: look
[00:33] renderer85: So 
[00:33] renderer85: no
[00:33] renderer85: you look
[00:33] renderer85: stop splitting your messages like
[00:33] renderer85: this
[00:33] ScooterX7k: he's like dying as he even moves
[00:34] renderer85: No matter how much pain he can resist, he would be unable to move around like that
[00:34] ScooterX7k: he's not really normal you understnad
[00:34] renderer85: but he's human, yes
[00:34] ScooterX7k: hardly
[00:34] ScooterX7k: used to be
[00:34] renderer85: BUT HE IS HUMAN
[00:34] ScooterX7k: loooooong time ago
[00:34] ScooterX7k: he was
[00:35] renderer85: BUT HE IS HUMAN
[00:35] ScooterX7k: he's also sort of posessed
[00:35] renderer85:  BUT HE'S FUCKING HUMAN
[00:35] ScooterX7k: he's not even thinking for himself when he attacks Cedric
[00:35] renderer85: Nerve damage waits for no demon
[00:35] ScooterX7k: the entire time he's mostly controlled by more than a Daemon
[00:36] renderer85: Nerve damage waits for no demon.
[00:36] ScooterX7k: talking god of the underworld here
[00:36] renderer85: nerve damage waits for no demon
[00:36] ScooterX7k: I see
[00:36] ScooterX7k: I didn't say it did
[00:37] ScooterX7k: be back
[00:37] ScooterX7k: actually
[00:37] ScooterX7k: back
[00:37] ScooterX7k: alright
[00:37] renderer85: say
[00:37] renderer85: what you need
[00:37] renderer85: to
[00:37] renderer85: in
[00:37] renderer85: one mess
[00:37] renderer85: age
[00:38] renderer85: pleas
[00:38] renderer85: e
[00:38] ScooterX7k: His last effort is to get up, after that he crumples
[00:38] ScooterX7k: he has enough control in his body to turn slightly
[00:38] ScooterX7k: that's it
[00:38] renderer85: LISTEN. HE'S HUMAN. END OF STORY. GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT PASS GO. 
[00:39] ScooterX7k: the rest of the time he's only conscious
[00:39] ScooterX7k: incapable of motion
[00:39] ScooterX7k: otherwise he'd fight Cedric off
[00:39] ScooterX7k: so he moves for 10 seconds
[00:39] renderer85: his neck is broken.
[00:40] renderer85: broken.
[00:40] renderer85: It is not a time issue.
[00:40] renderer85: it is an issue of nerve damagea.
[00:40] ScooterX7k: I think it's possible considering the nerve damage isn't too severe
[00:40] renderer85: no, nerve damage IS severe.
[00:40] ScooterX7k: all nerve damage is
[00:40] renderer85: look at it man. There will be shear forces because there's no way you can push a human-shaped object directly into the ground.
[00:40] renderer85: You can't just break the spine and that's it. There will be substantial nerve damage to the point where he's paralyzed. No moving. End of story.
[00:40] ScooterX7k: but I never say how severe it is
[00:41] ScooterX7k: leave it up to your imagination
[00:41] renderer85: FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, HE WAS SMASHED INTO THE GROUND HARD ENOUGH TO BREAK HIS NECK
[00:41] renderer85: if it's hard enough to break his neck it's hard enough to shear some nerves
[00:41] ScooterX7k: defenitely
[00:41] renderer85: especially when said nerves are next to the explosive release of all that compression.
[00:41] ScooterX7k: actually that wasn't all Cedric
[00:41] renderer85: So look. NO MOVING.
[00:41] ScooterX7k: it's partly his own momentum 
[00:41] renderer85: NO MOVING.
[00:41] ScooterX7k: alright
[00:41] ScooterX7k: alright
[00:42] ScooterX7k: but I'm not changing it
[00:42] ScooterX7k: see
[00:42] renderer85: NO FUCKING MOVING!

I hope he was enlightened in some way by this ordeal.

// audio 12:54:09 AM -- Tuesday, August 20, 2002

I have kickass audio editing software.

BUT IT WON'T INSTALL IN NT.

laugh it up, gods, someday I'll be up there and WE'LL SEE WHO'S LAUGHING THEN.

// lemon bars 05:23:29 PM -- Monday, August 19, 2002

I made some lemon bars.

I tasted one. I tasted another. Stop! shouted a rapidly quieting voice in my brain, and as I realized I couldn't, No ... not again ...

// Guns don't kill people. Ninjas kill people. 01:54:24 AM -- Monday, August 19, 2002

I have been sick. Very sick. I am still sick, but only with a sore throat. It is very irritating, for no available remedies help. Drinking water helps, briefly, but no other dehydration indicators match sore throat. No joy.

I'll give you an extended symptoms list ... later today .... if you care. No, you don't care. You'd probably be revolted, actually. Suffice to say that everything's fine ... except for the throat.
damned throat ...

// qt 12:10:19 AM -- Sunday, August 18, 2002

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, unless it differs from mine; then they're just wrong.

// ... 12:46:57 AM -- Saturday, August 17, 2002
secret message are fun.

// today 10:42:48 PM -- Thursday, August 15, 2002

Today was good. I

• helped paint and varnish ART's audience section
• Reacquainted myself with just how crappy the auditorium piano is
• Learned one (1) and almost a half page of Piano Black.

What else of interest happened today? What else? What else? The putty brings me joy.

links, clever, clever links

// nwn 04:59:47 PM -- Wednesday, August 14, 2002

I will purchase Neverwinter Nights, not because I can't find it, but because they deserve my money.
I would like to reward the makers of this game, because it's a move in the direction I want rpgs to go ...

// quot 12:38:07 PM -- Wednesday, August 14, 2002

Madness takes its toll.

// smart mass 01:54:07 AM -- Wednesday, August 14, 2002

I have acquired the next generation of silly putty, and DAMN is it sweet.

if you stick it to the wall or cieling, it will gradually flow downwards - still stuck to the point you initially latched it onto. it starts looking like an ameoba, and we all know that's what we want silly putty to do.

You can pull it apart like you do silly putty. You can also tear it in half. Seriously. Not pull apart quickly or a clever variant thereof, actually tear it in half. And if you hit it with a hammer, it splits apart. I suppose you could call it shattering although typically it's just a big break in the blob that is the putty.

I have acquired a wav-to-midi converter. Midi is easier to learn from. Take of this what you will.

// ma tiaz = matthias 11:13:15 PM -- Tuesday, August 13, 2002

Andrew fleshed out the rest of the 'tiaz idea. Ma is the dorky antithesis to 'tiaz, graduate of Yossarian's School of Badassry. Matthias is the combination of the two.

The meteor shower thing was awesome, after the loud people left. next time, I will bring the core of awesome dramapeople that I know better; transportation may be more difficult to arrange ... but some of you will have your licenses, right? Right?

I seem to recall being told to log something specific. Hah! You lose, whoever you are!

Andrew and I bounced ideas for future substitue-man scenes off each other. Evidently, he was thinking of substitute man as the fat coach from Home Movies, which is wrong. I think he's dropping the habit though.
I need to copy the videotape of substitute man, since it has other things on it that I want too.
sarra, I have an surprise for you, guaranteeably served at school, elsewhere questionable.

that's it for now. look for a neverwinternightsisaawesome! rant tomorrow or something.

// o ,a s ,i h ,r k ,s o ,h s ,o h ,w 01:25:18 AM -- Sunday, August 4, 2002

Aahh, the long-awaited oshkosh entry.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am unable to catch a ride from Chicago to Oshkosh - I'm a day late.
I spend the last day or two before leaving getting directions in a panicked fashion, finding the amtrak route that goes closest to oshkosh at the right time and then the way from the airport to the amtrak station through Chicago's mass transit.
I get there.
I board the train. Amtrak is cool.
I meet a pretty neat guy, an electrical engineer. His most recent project was analyzing crystals which break down in the presence of oxygen but have more structural strength than anything we've seen before. the man who grew them (over the course of seven years) would not live long enough to grow a new batch and knew it, so he really wanted the analysis to go right.
No pressue.
The analysis goes fine. Man is happy. Undergraduate back home opens container which holds the rest of the crystals, causing them to break. Man unhappy, but he still has some crystals left and analysis. Undergrad will forever hover at the undergrad level, having built a nice shiny glass cieling for their personal use.

I get to oshkosh. I look at planes do things planes aren't supposed to do by having ridiculously powerful engines (They can almost, almost stay in the air pointing straight up. Fighter aircraft can. They can accelerate going straight up. It's sick. And loud. Incredibly loud, especially the Harrier.). I decide that while acrobatic flying (in prop aircraft) is cool, the more graceful standard flying is much more enjoyable.
I see a sailplane be towed to several thousand feet and perform tricks all the way down to eventually cutting a ribbon 20 feet off the runway with its tail ... upside-down. Yow.
I hear the National Anthem's first verse be butchered horribly by people who hate their ears and mine.

I fail to win an airplane.

While watching one of the shows, Matt (resident Annoying Little Guy) sits on a backpack, evidently unhappy with the comfortable folding chairs available. he jumps up shortly after, crying. I and the people sitting next to me (relatives of Annoying Little Guy) assume it's just a spider bite (I'd seen some, earlier). It turns out he sat on a knife.

Yes, a knife. Don't ask me why there was a knife in the backpack; it wasn't my backpack or knife anyway. Don't ask me how it happened to be open, if it was a pocket knife (I just saw the blade.)

On examining the cut, we determine that while painful, it's quite shallow and nothing to get all excited about.

He stands to acquire a bandaid.

We stand to lose the coolest part of the airshow that day.

note: It's not that I didn't care. It's that I care enough to know when getting medical attention is overkill - and this was such an instance. Kid was fine when he returned later, and he got nothing but a bandaid.

A member of the surrounding crowd evidently feels that the kid's cut warrants medical attention, without ever having seen it. Brilliant. We lose the cool bit of the airshow. Kid gains a bandaid, but loses two hours of airshow action. Kid's dad lost an hour when they called him in and had him sign a release.

I return to the airshow. The cool bit has passed, and the next day low clouds prevent such a show from going on. sss.

I also failed to win any of the runner-up prizes. Oh well. On the way back, I once again fail to acquire a window seat. (It is a very full airplane.) I am also angered by the way that everyone on the plane who has a window seat seems to be wasting it. Not only wasting it, but wasting it for the entire duration of the flight. They never look out the window, not even once. They're sleeping, or reading with the shade closed, or something. Meanwhile, I sit in the aisle, peering over people around me to catch a glimpse of the view outside. Grrrrrr.

Still, flying is fun anyway. I return to portland. Noone is at the airport, but luckily I am able to find my way to the max station all by myself.

fin.

Today, I purchased for my father a small card in a stand. It features a picture of a handshake between two suited men, and the phrase

That is all.

// .,.,., 12:00:17 AM -- Sunday, August 4, 2002
GRRRR! SPLASHPAGE MAKE ANGRY!

// firearms 02:12:54 AM -- Wednesday, July 31, 2002
I forgot to mention: half of those are german. ^_^

// Tesg Blog ||| entry 02:10:45 AM -- Wednesday, July 31, 2002

Which Firearm are you? brought to you byStan Ryker

Which Firearm are you? brought to you byStan Ryker

Which Firearm are you? brought to you byStan Ryker

Which Firearm are you? brought to you byStan Ryker

// jesus loves youME 02:41:14 PM -- Sunday, July 28, 2002
Er. Wait longer, or something. ... look over there! *runs*

// ... 01:19:29 PM -- Sunday, July 28, 2002
I am returned. Later, I will summarize everything.

// I believe I can fly 11:34:38 PM -- Tuesday, July 23, 2002

meet me at the airport as I come back! United (I think) flight 1861, arriving in Portland at 10:14 am July 28th.

I'm going to oshkosh without a camera. =( I want that film!
so, thief de mysterie, if you're reading this, just give me the film. And the camera. but mostly the film.

// blog tesg 08:00:21 PM -- Monday, July 22, 2002

// catbox quotage 12:56:39 AM -- Saturday, July 20, 2002

caknuck> cake
The Librarian> Ineffable
Starke> No.
LaggedyAnne> tummy.
waterhouse> I mean you're not helping, Leon.
nf> fuck

// FOLLOW THE LINK... 09:44:29 PM -- Friday, July 19, 2002
Please follow this link. thank you.

// log 02:17:33 PM -- Friday, July 19, 2002

[13:58] renderer85: I don't understand how in The Sims, all of the characters no matter how 
athletic are unable to pull themselves from a pool without the help of a ladder.
[13:58] SadoQAlanet: The tiles are slippery...
[13:58] renderer85: in the middle of a hot day?
[13:58] SadoQAlanet: And the water is soporific.

// * 01:11:25 PM -- Friday, July 19, 2002

many things go wrong, but soon I get my own domain, so all is well after all. and I must try thing.

Parents tried to hide power cord today, but failed to remove it from the printer. I will prove to them that I am responsible, despite their foolish attempts at limitation.

// cirque du soleil 12:21:47 AM -- Friday, July 19, 2002

I saw Dralion today, and was completely blown away. So much so that I'm considering taking up gymnastics, although it would probably get me nowhere fast. (I get easily frustrated if things aren't moving quickly enough for me, and boring practice functions not.)
now I feel like playing civ3 is something far too lame to be doing. ssss.

bored bored bored. Noone ever follows instructions I place in this blog, so I don't feel like placing them anymore. I will brook no further delay... or make a voting system. hmm.

// ... 10:32:27 PM -- Wednesday, July 17, 2002
throw a party, someone-who-isn't-me! I guess I will, if my parents are ever out of town.

// alpha centauri is a cool game. 02:34:09 PM -- Wednesday, July 17, 2002

And when the hourglass has run out, the hourglass of temporality - when the noise of secular life has grown silent and its restless or ineffectual activism has come to an end, when everything around you is still, as it is in eternity, then eternity asks you and every individual in these millions and millions only one thing: whether you have lived in despair or not.
-Soren Kierkegaard

ac is full of this stuff.

// MAY BE OLD 09:33:24 PM -- Monday, July 15, 2002
heh

// B! R! A! C! E! S! 01:56:05 AM -- Wednesday, July 10, 2002

the putting-on of the braces commences 5 hours, 40 minutes from now.

// MyService Outages 03:12:40 AM -- Tuesday, July 9, 2002

this is the list of times (24hr) at which attbi failed me.

22:23
23:14
23:21
23:29
23:48
00:01
00:02
00:30
00:46
00:57
01:02
01:22
01:41

// megahal dump 05:30:23 PM -- Monday, July 8, 2002
more fanfiction!

Sighing loudly, seiji grabbed the letter had been groomed for. As the only
warm place close to his wound, which had disappeared fully. "See? All
better."  "oh yes. Your royal magic."  "yeah. Believe me, i wish i wasn't
a prince, but the magic began to slowly cover seiji's sex with it, making
it harden even more so as seiji took his erect penis in his palms. "Not
only is he sleeping with one."  the blond groaned, burying her head back
and rolled on top of her jaw, and down her throat. It was that seiji had
gone to. "My lady, my sire, may i enter?" she asked.  "Nn..."  "it's
alright, chandler. You saved me in my heart, he'll always be a wonderful
way to stop them."  "he's your son," zarin growled, storming out of sight,
just as the warm milk filled her mouth, lapping weakly at it, and nearly
gagging as he could untie the leash from the nightstand, touma hurled it
across the room. "Get the fuck out.

// I f'got 05:40:52 PM -- Friday, July 5, 2002

also: that image of the broken city may be the next image I try to make. more likely it will be the next image I start and never finish ever, because it'll turn out horribly.

// maerd 05:31:29 PM -- Friday, July 5, 2002

I just had a very bizarre dream.
I've already forgotten the beginning, but I do remember two things: one, I and a few other people were in this bizarre city. There were two airplanes out that looked identical in every way and could only be identified by a book in the library, which looked exactly identical to 3 or 4 useless ones. Someone had the last real one out and wasn't returning it. Mariko flew in to the city to be in some pornography film, which changed into some normal film (just with a really weird plot) once she got there. After the first scene, though, she died.
I wasn't there for the dying thing. The dream ended with me going to the place where the movie was going to be filmed, a giant rock overlooking a plain ... but as I got there I realized that the plain wasn't empty anymore. It had the ruins of an enormous city on it - only instead of windows, the buildings had clocks (think Big Ben) all over them ... all stopped at the same time.

Andrew appeared under mysterious circumstances. I asked him why the city was there, and he said that it was a monument to some goddess (I think weird stuff happened with that earlier too, with me working in a temple or something), but the clocks were all stopped at Mariko's time of death.

Pretty weird, eh? I want some way to record dreams and watch them while I'm conscious.

// finding 01:21:41 AM -- Wednesday, July 3, 2002

Has anyone seen a collie? What's its name?

I'm gonna build a dune buggy with Gus, but my parents are standing squarely in the way of this project. I may miss the first building cycle, which would suck.
also, make my birthday cool, when it rolls around. That may or may not include a postcard, which I would get around to answering someday.

// I always try to entertain my english teachers and they do not care 12:26:59 PM -- Sunday, June 30, 2002

as evidenced by this quote from an observation assignment of mine:
"Looks like an orange. Feels like an orange. Tastes like an orange. Must be an apple."

Maybe I'll have a really cool english teacher next year.

// remember 12:14:04 AM -- Monday, June 24, 2002

to email. Do. I will be most displeased if you don't ...

my (relatives?) are leaving weds. I look forward to this day for then I can have Music and Wandering About Late At Night^tm.

// cmot 11:04:07 AM -- Sunday, June 23, 2002

I want so very much to make the movie...

but I so very much need a plot for it. I was thinking ... but that was a mistake, and it wouldn't work as a plot anyway. We're going tried-and-true, kids: disgustingly high-poly scenes leading to curiously processor-intensive student work. Yes. Yes. this is what we will do. or I will do. or something. something.
I might also work with Jesse (T) on this, since he has modeling experience. more so than milo, anyway...

// sss 12:19:35 AM -- Sunday, June 23, 2002

damnit! I want my camera ...

dramaites rock.

// tech 08:55:11 PM -- Friday, June 21, 2002

technology is the solution to problems created by technology; MOTIVE is the problem.

say you're Monsanto. All you care about is money. Then does it matter to you that some people don't want genetically engineered foods? no.
Say you're any of the companies that produce pathetically shoddy products and sell them. does it matter to you that they won't last? no, if they're an impulse purchase - the consumer probably won't care anyway. yes, if they're needed - making people pay often for something they need is sound business strategy.

I want to encourage all manufacturing companies to produce better things in general. I will pay a higher price for quality goods, and I think the rest of the populace is with me. Build me things that will last.

// Tesg Blog ||| entry 01:27:14 AM -- Friday, June 21, 2002

Six things you are scared of:

• dead people and things (I'm not afraid they'll move; I'm afraid I'll have to look at them. looking at dead things sucks.)
• massive hemmorhaging memory leaks in programs I need (*coughiexplorecough*)
• massive data-hemmorhaging hard drive failure
• Failure in general
• insulting or otherwise earning the dislike of my friends
• nightmares I can't wake up from, although I don't have them

Six things you use everyday:

• computer
• bicycle
• television(usually)
• piano
• electricity (and lots of it!)
• various audio equipment (music ... always on. I thought I'd never do this when I was younger.)

Six things beside/on your bed:

• comp desk
• radio
• stack of CDs
• various papers
• (not quite next to)giant stack of priority mail boxes, envelopes, and other priority mail stuff
• trash can / hamper

Six worst things about you:

• I say I should do things and then don't do them
• I'm lazy
• I take ruthless advantage of your freebie offers
• I like decisiveness, but I'm not when it counts
• if I don't see or talk to you often, and if I am not near you, I will draw conclusions on what you last said, then discard them. this is a criminal misuse of my brain's processing cycles
• initially, I distrust religious people

Six best things about you:

• I'm funny (I think^h^h^h^h^h hope)
• I tend to pick things I'm trying to learn up quickly
• I have a good musical ear and can play piano with some degree of competence
• I do not often misspell things
• I have good spatial reasoning
• I can ride a bicycle pretty well

Six things near you at the moment:

• computer
• broken gyroscope that makes me sad
• telephone
• dental floss (that shouldn't be here)
• black dry erase marker (for cds)
• socks

Six things that annoy you:

• bad music
• irritability
• lying
• monotonously overcast weather
• failure (especially if one attempts to pass it off as success)
• excess

Six places you wish you could be at the moment:

• a friend's house
• in orbit (w/ protection, silly silly man)
• on the moon
• middle of the desert (but only briefly)
• a helicopter
• here

Six things on your mind right now:

• quiz
• where I'd like to be
• khachaturian
• infogrames
• kay cee escape
• my window and what lies just beyond it

Six things that make you happy:

• the sky
• the computer, when it functions properly
• comically labeled pens and letter openers
• the sun
• the moon
• success

There, a quiz. Now I'm really going to sleep.

// ,,..--==''``^^``''==--..,, 12:58:47 AM -- Friday, June 21, 2002

I'm completely down-to-earth! Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

I'm going to make myself a webpage this summer, and it will make extensive use of CSS. for css is full of joy. yes. joy. yes.
Also, I finally got around to making the scrollbar on the right match the rest of the page. Look at the joy! so much joy.

// arts week movie, mk ii 02:18:11 PM -- Thursday, June 20, 2002

I will make next year's arts week movie...
and I will make it this summer.
I will accept no other outcome.

and it's gonna rock.

// horrible irony 12:47:55 AM -- Tuesday, June 18, 2002

marble madness ia a tragedy because it is good.

I HATE weird paradoxes like that.

also, yoko kanno sheet music is obscenely difficult to find. hopefully I will have ... something, anyway, and soon.

// d

I dreamt that daniel dreier and his brother built an enormous rollercoaster, part of which was underwater (the water had no braking effect, don't ask me why). it was really, really cool, but then evil people came out of the woodwork in the organization, the roller coaster had to be moved to space and the earth had to be destroyed.
it could be that the good team didn't destroy earth; I can't remember anymore. but since the last part of the ride was underwater, you had to hold your breath. the ride had previously familiarized you with doing so, and marked your passage through it by small rings encircling that track segment that generated noise (you'd hear some white noise in the background as you passed a ring by). The last one had 8, which was more than anyone expected (And a long time to hold your breath) ... then there was, oddly, a jump leaving the track entirely, dropping you into a pool. A big pool. to ride again, you and your fellow riders had to push the ride vehicle over to the start of the track ...
it was a really cool ride, though.

// hr hr hr 01:18:57 AM -- Monday, June 17, 2002

// stuff 01:16:41 AM -- Monday, June 17, 2002

This succeeds.

I'm bored and don't have much to say.

As a matter of fact, I should probably be sleeping.

And I'm running out of lines due to the line mechanism I've chosen (cube).

And ...

and nothin'.

// testorin' 01:13:27 AM -- Monday, June 17, 2002

// memory seatbelts 09:12:31 PM -- Friday, June 14, 2002

and introspection hijacks my brain again.

// 1m3 08:51:21 PM -- Friday, June 14, 2002

it's that kinda time .....

// insert home page up delete end page down ctrl alt alt ctrl < . > 0/ins ./del enter 08:27:59 PM -- Friday, June 14, 2002

sarra I found the piano medley ... but its being improvisation would insinuate that there is not actually sheet music available. hence, I can't learn the medley.

I *can*, however, learn tank! Just as soon as I've gotten sheet music. the people at MUSiK CENTUR say they will call me if they ever find it - but have already looked around pdx, to no avail. I lose, you lose, everybody loses.

I will try other places as well, because now I want to know that.

I've gotten over my discomfort with the crazy syncopation at the beginning of Gershwin's 1st prelude, meaning I may have it in the near future. I may also get things recorded in the near future, which is why I wanted tank! done and such. Another time.

// music time 10:14:44 AM -- Friday, June 14, 2002

alright kids, I'm getting tired of the same couple of cds (as awesome as they are). Or maybe I'm trying to hedge against getting bored of them.

In any case, I need more music. Since I don't know any names, I need you guys to help me! Point me towards good music I don't know about yet. If you are too lazy to email me, but want its equivalent, you can use this.

// paaaaaaaaarty 12:22:30 AM -- Friday, June 14, 2002

I once again belive in extraterrestrial life. no, they do not necessarily have ftl technology, nor do they probably know about us, nor do they probably care.

I just killed another silverfish. Get out of my house, you filthy bastards.

Sarra: The heal-plant-oil stuff I tried to give you really will work. ask liz, or sarah, or alexander. It's worth it, especially since it's free. noone I've given that stuff to has ever regretted the five minutes it takes to try it ...

In related news, 6b43b4b5c3ae15af5fd812fd50c22a2f. no I will not make that public yet.

// Thing 05:36:51 PM -- Thursday, June 13, 2002

I'm going to arielle's and food (sorry ben).

If you'd given me more warning, I'da made the cranberry torte! y'know? I'll introduce you guys to that someday. It has to be done.

// walk. 02:45:42 AM -- Thursday, June 13, 2002

went for walk, 2 in the morning.

SUV containing kidwho'snameIcan'trememberbutwhoIrecognize, zo, jordan, and a shadow see me and we talk briefly. I walk on.
flower
I walk fstill further, smelling (in chronological order)

• animal feces
• warm
• wet
• tree
• WARM
• wet
• Flower
• animal feces
• FLOWER

I'm going to sleep.

// encryption followup 01:50:16 AM -- Thursday, June 13, 2002

comically, the only way you could know if you had seen the decrypted version of that would be to encrypt it the same way - not all the data is there.

It's just a unique number that would not be the same number if even *one* character in the original document were changed. Go team secrecy!

// censored 01:47:55 AM -- Thursday, June 13, 2002

Censored by encryption.

e1f901239b80643ea231c44707738568

interestingly, that was a long entry.

It could be that it was trimmed prior to being entered, meaning that you have the first line or so of my entry. oh well, noone coulda read it anyway.

// more model m 08:03:57 PM -- Wednesday, June 12, 2002

My end, home, and pgup keys are successively one half-step apart (The ring when the key comes back up, I mean). I can play music with my keyboard.

// MODEL M BABY 07:29:10 PM -- Wednesday, June 12, 2002

I have finally gotten around to attaching the model M keyboard to my computer, making it both louder and 300 times cooler.
some info about my beloved model m:
Part No. 1391401
S/N no. 2109818
Date of Manufacture: March 31st, 1987
PLT no. F2
Model M

top that.

// what summer does 07:15:47 PM -- Wednesday, June 12, 2002

sadly, I'm kind of in the same position I was last year. *watches sarra have a heart attack* no, no, that's not what I meant.

Someone needs to sleep over here and see how much fun it is to walk barefoot around my neighborhood. thanks to the model m, the phrase "tactile feedback" pops into my head. This accurately describes what I like about it. feeling the ground makes walking very different and much, much more pleasurable than just plain ol' walking. Also, the temperature is perfect and it's pretty (albeit not as pretty as it would be if the streelamps were out.)

C'mon, guys, make me an offer! Or just get me downtown. I'm too lame to ask you, for the next week or so anyway.

// tesg. tesg. tesg. blog. blog. blog. 3. entry. entry. entry. 06:05:07 PM -- Sunday, June 9, 2002

Oh! And I need to do english for tomorrow so Mrs. Glasgow doesn't hate me like she already hates sarra. But not now. Not now, no. Right now I sit here and don't move and let my digestive system sap all of my energy.

// wafafaffles 06:03:08 PM -- Sunday, June 9, 2002

food coma. og.

hr>

// fiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnn. 03:46:08 AM -- Friday, June 7, 2002

nnnnnnnggggggg.

I finished the drama final!

I finished the tank project! I FINISHED THE TANK PROJECT! WHEEEEEE

snnnnnnnrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkK I NEED TO DO ENGLISH AAAGHHHHH

// I'm liking this 01:06:55 AM -- Friday, June 7, 2002

The army game looks cool, and PA/Tycho's opinion basically matches my own.
I mean - No teamkilling. EVER. Actual rules of engagement ACTUALLY APPLY OUTSIDE OF LAN PARTIES in a way that is GREATER THAN PEOPLE JUST NOT LIKING YOU. The game actually says "No, go die, you friggin' teamkiller, we hate you" if you do it too often and you learn your lesson or you lose.
I'm going to stop ranting and lie down now.

NO NO NO! NO lying down! If I lie down I will sleep. I must work. Work. Stop reading things, matthias. Work.

// Things so many things a 11:50 p.m. -- Friday, May 31, 2002

nd there is much that has happened since the last entry for it was long ago.

Here's what you gotta do: You gotta go to everything2 I'm sorry it's not the ekw theme but you'll adjust. go to may 29, 2002. that is the most recent major event in my life, excluding andrew's play which ran

...

well. the people, they loved the substitute and the silent film. Shatter was short, shorter than I thought. I'll live.

It's a nice night out. hence window open. I might be awake introspectively for a while; I might sleep because

I

need

sleep

and lots of it

I am close to having this alphabetization-thing work for up to 50 strings of up to 50 characters.

I'll let you know.

// party.partyii 10:22:37 PM -- Saturday, May 25, 2002

Some notes ...

I own my brother's colleagues. hee hee ...

// • 01:06:35 AM -- Sunday, May 19, 2002

Kindgomalities says I am a Benevolent Ruler.

Before that it said I was an engineer, but only because I accidentally chose the exact opposite of everything I meant.
Go here. Use it. See the error /msg. Then go here and tell me why it does that.

// fall 10:30 p.m. -- Friday, May 17, 2002

I feel like I am falling forward.
Heh. Proprioception fails me in a sense, but it's fun, so in another sense it does me no wrong whatsoever.

// oh to not be an angsty teenager 09:57:52 PM -- Monday, May 13, 2002

I heart everything2

I read some stuff there, prompting what would have put me in full angst mode previously.
Ironically, I am ready to die.

Don't take that the wrong way; what I mean is, were my life to end right now, I feel that many of the ends previously loose would be tied. I measure this by the way that noone actively hates me.

Consider it the wrong criteria if you will; interestingly it ties in to my beliefs... which I will outline now.

I'm not sure if there is a God. But if there is, I believe that s/he (if s/he has a gender)would want me to not do people harm. To improve the lives of others as much as possible while keeping my own life in order. Certainly, I don't do everything I could. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws to validate my hideous consumerism.
but you know ... I don't care. I happen to like those straws.

// d! v! o! r! a! k! 04:22:56 PM -- Thursday, May 9, 2002

If you persist in spelling "women" as "womyn" I will begin spelling "man" "myn".

// getsssssssssssssssss 11:23:56 PM -- Wednesday, May 8, 2002

*cries* shellinabox hates me!
I was on the verge of making my guestbook thingy good, without the massive, massive security hole, and then shellinabox stopped responding.
hmmmm. Okay, reload shellinabox.

No, says msie.
YES! say I, and msie does not respond.
You see, the way it was set up anyone could write anything they wanted to the file. Now - once this is done, anyway - that will still be true, except it'll take more effort on the user's part to read the Unclean file.

Which gives me another idea: I could have it read a document and strip all unallowed tags from it, and then write it back. This would be good.

In other news ... I should sleep. but I am addicted to the shellinabox.

Oh! I have to rant about ghost recon. Okay, here we go.
Ghost Recon is an awesome, awesome game. It is everything I have wanted from the pseudorealistic FPS genre for a long, long time. When I tell my teammates to move places, they cover each other while doing so. If I tell them to go around a corner, they line up at the edge. One guy creeps around and looks for enemies. If he sees one EVERYONE HOLDS and he takes out the guy. Then he waits a bit and moves again. This continues until guy #1 sees clear. Guy #2 circles around #1 so he has a better vantage. he's about 5 feet behind and to the side of guy #1. Guy #3 looks behind and to the side of guys 1 and 2 to ensure that they're clear. Then he runs to the next corner in their path. guy #2 runs forward, #1 covering and #3 covering his own position. then guy #3 continues covering forward, guy #2 covers guy #1's run to rejoin the group.
So that's all the cool stuff. Now ....

I played through a lot of this, and was very very pleased. Then I got to one mission ...
oh ... the one mission. I hate it. Evidently, the idea is you are dropped into the area by a VERY VERY LOUD helicopter, so that all the enemy forces know you're there. They all charge your position with freakishly accurate rifles.
If you manage to beat them off without casualties (that's another thing - you build up your team's skills, so losing one of them after the first mission is a HUGE pain), you still have to contend with the enemies in the rest of the map. There are people with wildly inaccurate rifles shooting in your general direction from ACROSS THE MAP so you have no idea where they are ... although they have an unfortunate tendency to hit your head with their random, wildly inaccurate shots. None of your teammates will move, because their safety thing - *not moving* if shots are being fired nearby - actually keeps them out in the open.

The only way I've found to get them to survive is the following ...

• Sniper and single rifleman (group b)group cover drop area.
• Demo man (MUST SURVIVE) hides in building.(group c)
• 3-rifleman group (group a) cover opposite side of ruins adjacent to drop area.

These orders have to be given IMMEDIATELY, or the enemies start shooting and group a won't move.

Anyway, it's still an immensely fun game ... it's just incredibly frustrating to be shot by people you can't see again and again and again and again.

// d dr dre drea dream dreams dreams dreams dreams 11:53 a.m. -- Saturday, May 4, 2002

CRAZY CRAZY DREAM BLOG!

1. Many, many, many clothes are stolen from many people. Alex, I and several other people are trying to fight our way to the top of a building where the clothes are being held. The center of the building is hollow, and around the outside a broad walkway goes. The building is square, so the walkway hugs the wall and has a small landing at each corner. Every time we get to the next landing, there are more Somethings which try to push us off if we approach. We find a way to defeat each one.
   As we near the top, I am hurled off as well ... but looking down I realized that there's an enormous pile of stolen clothes I will land on (I only drop about 10, 15 feet.) I start running back up, but the floor has gotten a lot lower (OR the cieling a lot higher) since we arrived, so eventually I give up, since by then they must have won. I am rewarded with fantastically good-tasting cake, but I can't tell if that's because I gave up or because we won.

Then I dreamt other stuff that I can't remember too well.

// mmm ... good day. 01:32 p.m. -- Tuesday, April 30, 2002

Today has been a Good Day(tm).
First off, the thing works and isn't broken. Nor will it be broken easily.
Second, I rediscovered this comfortable (and snappy!) silk shirt. it gets me *ahem* Attention, but I am assured it is really attention for the shirt. although they still love me ... it's just they love the shirt more.

Third, food! Got food. I don't really suck at singing anymore. Things in general is lookin' pretty good. I may get some Everything2 people to come to the show one night. I dunno, it'll be figured out in due time. In the meantime, it's nearly time for 6th period. I'm outta here!

// more sameness! agh! 03:37:46 PM -- Saturday, April 27, 2002

Take the "What kind of cone are you?" Test
created by sami

all downhill from here, kids.

My dad's in the hospital again. Originally he went in for plasmapheresis (Replacing blood with blood containing white blood cells that don't kill his muscle receptors), but then a bunch of Stuff happened. He'll be there for a few days, I'm guessing.

I'll spare you the angst. irritating, irritating angst. I'm copying some CDs I heard when I was much younger ... that is all.